99to1

i have seen you in divine and ecstatic glory
radiant natural and beautiful
inspired thoughtful and magnificent

may you unearth the power in your breath
and live eternally within that substance which brings peace
that tender and subtle peace which passes all understanding
glorious

love,
roy

special place
a short love essay and poem; or an energetic and emotional equalizer for navigating the edge of a razor

special place... anyplace where one is truly coming alive... where there is love, where one is in love, where one meets one's self, in prayer or within the state of reverie, or at a party, within a whiskey buzz, or a thc high... or a play or a show where there's magic onstage and everything's connected, and love shines glorious and tumbles into it's own divine exotic multidimensional spiral...

sometimes it's really difficult to leave a special place, to part from it... it just tears deep inside cause ya really really really really don't wanna to go. you've waited too long, and suffered too hard to get here and everything's paying off in that really special/significant way that relates to the core of you... it is that which feeds the core of you... any count-down to departure would be too abrupt...

it tears at the core of you and it starves you in a similar way when, you are a special place, and you experience being left, or that feeling of a forced parting, or of being abruptly parted with.

relationships and proximity, or intimacy or...
a geometric poem for you my love

love's own divine exotic multidimensional spiral
blissfully love manifests in the
closeness to one's self
closeness to one's love
closeness to one's heart
closeness to one's forgiveness
closeness to one's tenderness
closeness to one's totality
closeness to one's glory
closeness to one's face
closeness to one's lover
closeness to one's partner
closeness to one's partner's self
to one's partner's love
to one's partner's heart
to one's partner's forgiveness
to one's partner's tenderness
to one's partner's totality
to one's partner's face
to one's partner's lover
to one's partner's partner
to one's partner's partner's self
to one
to one love
to one heart
to one presence
to becoming present

dearest friend,
in loving kindness and with due respect to our friendship...

after long and careful deliberation, i have determined that i am best served, by immediately revoking any access you have to intimate spaces within my being. this includes access which i myself have granted, and all forms and means of access initiated by you by friends, family or any prayers or magic.

having taken this decision and these measures pains me on some level, though i have given you many fair chances to adjust, and i now see that you do not respect the boarders and limitations, choices, and changes i have set, the universe has now bestowed unto me control of the situation.

you have put me in a situation where there is no choice left but to communicate directly with you on a tough level...

you are currently interfering in my love and growth. you are negatively impacting critical balances i have been putting into place. your actions and selfishness have caused me tremendous pain. your efforts and means to persist to forge a self-serving connection with me, now have no place and fall on barren and infertile land. the desperation you have demonstrated to persist and be present in my life, and to force through any reasonable distance i have established is as ugly, as it is shameful.

please know that a very real and deep disassociation to you is now in effect, that you are no longer are permitted to enter into my life and it's workings. i have removed any capacity you have to be present within me.

your diamond mind may indeed turn immediately to wondering how long this will be the case. the answer in the form of a time-frame, is of course unknown, but i can tell that you now have no access to me, and it shall be in effect until such time as you at least become genuinely accepting of my decision.

there shall be no negotiating this situation, or circumventing it on any level, or in any realm, it is under my direction exclusively. it is now in effect and ever shall be until at least such a time, as you cease to experience a need to force yourself into my existence.

the conditions which shall satisfy any change to this configuration are; you developing a capacity to demonstrate a truly reliable and fair friendship. that i am the only one who may take initiative to check to see if you have made the required changes and adjustments.

may i respectfully suggest an approach you may consider taking to initiate healing yourself from the current situation, and also to give you a reasonable idea of how much work i require you to do for me to consider entering back into a friendship with you?

cease all consultations with the occult in any way.
do what it takes to get back in touch with a therapist. work with them for a year on stablizing yourself, then work with her for another year permitting them to coach and shape you into a person who is able to start a developing balanced relationships with others. showing the therapist this correspondance and asking to use it as a guide to your welbeing, and also to guide you to do what is necessary to make the changes i am insisting on.

i alone shall be the one who determines if we shall ever have the capacity to enter back into that sacred realm of honourable and decent friendship.

with love and light...

delicately caught
between rest and rush
panic, and repose

this subtle fragment
this glimmering glowing hint
this clue...

where has it gone?
did it leave a trace?
vibrant and alive

(the live version)

Every picture has it's shadows
And it has some source of light
Blindness, blindness and sight
The perils of benefactors
The blessings of parasites
Blindness, blindness and sight
Threatened by all things
Devil of cruelty
Drawn to all things
Devil of delight
Mythical devil of the ever-present laws
Governing blindness, blindness and sight

Suntans in reservation dining rooms
Pale miners in their lantern rays
Night, night and day
Hostage smile on presidents
Freedom scribbled in the subway
Its like night, night and day
Threatened by all things
God of cruelty
Drawn to all things
God of delight
Mythical God of the everlasting laws
Governing day, day and night

Critics of all expression
Judges in black and white
Saying it's wrong, saying it's right
Compelled by prescribed standards
Or some ideals we fight
For wrong, wrong and right
Threatened by all things
Man of cruelty-mark of cain
Drawn to all things
Man of delight-born again, born again
Man of the laws, the ever-broken laws

Governing wrong, wrong and right
Governing wrong, wrong and right
Wrong and right

.

love poem 1/3

like a divine spell
a prayer
our souls
dwell
dwell glorious
within each other
dwell within

love poem 2/3

within these ancient halls
the rhythm eternal
sounds
and your magnificent essence
your best self
your brilliance
tears through me
and i am made whole
and i am made whole

love poem 3/3

assuming the force
of that unspeakable
transgression
my heart presents itself
budding into
fertile fields of glory
a most noble imposture
take me i am yours
own this
own this spectacular bliss
from limb to limb
listen...

love poem 4/3

a prayer
and i am made whole
listen...

golden streets
have seen our shining hearts
lace and electric pulses
weave our souls
divine

is he aware of this connection, this fabulous beauty?
who asks the question, who answers?

golden streets shine within our hearts
our best selves
i see you

purple hangs brilliant
layered over a fire-orange sky
my bosom swells with the sky's magnificence
the sky's magnificence within
within you

how is it
how is it that
how is it that our love shines so?
love shines so

like this

"They have seen your CV and are impressed by it, you are the candidate number 1."
I've waited a long time to get some feeback like that... wow it feels tremendous.

Have been catching up on my downloaded podcasts from NPS's All Songs Considered. Twice now I've been in theraputic yoga poses, and have heard this song by Joanna Newsom.

Instant effect... I was in tears from the first notes of the piano.
And then the lyrics...

Does Not Suffice

I will pack all my pretty dresses
I will box up my high-heeled shoes
A sparkling ring for every finger
I'll put away and hide from view

Coats of boucle, jacquard and cashmere
Cartouche and tweed, all silver-shot
And everything that could remind you
Of how easy I was not

I'll tuck away my gilded buttons
I'll bind my silks in shapeless bales
Wrap it all up in reams o' tissue
And then I'll kiss you sweet farewell

You saw me rise to our occasion
And so deny the evidence
'Caused me to burn and twist and grimace against you
Like something caught on a barbed wire fence

Now you can see me fall back here redoubled
Full bewildered and amazed
I have gotten into some terrible trouble
Beneath your blank and rinsing gaze

It does not suffice for you to say I am a sweet girl
Or to say you hate to see me sad because of you
It does not suffice to merely lie beside each other
As those who love each other do

I picture you rising up in the morning
Stretching out on your boundless bed
Beating a clear path to the shower
Scouring yourself red

The tap of hangers swaying in the closet
Unburdened hooks and empty drawers
And everywhere I tried to love you
Is yours again and only yours

Joanna Newsom

Listen...

February 11 2011

One After Penultimate, Fair Well 265

the most sacred
is that which comes after the shift
that which comes last...

a twist of the flue
one match-stick to ten thousand
the swell of a familiar amber warmth

a box of aged anger
the craziness of nested hair
"...love is, like smoke, beyond all repair..."
shrouded in a haze of lavender
up, up, and out, fly away...

magnificent portrait
grace and glory
acceptance, forgiveness, love
made golden
lady and doyley and blossom
the house of promise
the home of forever

chamber of immeasurable blessings
refuge from the storm
sacred and holy until the end
echoes of spirit
fill this space for the last time

your care and divine kindness
om namah shivaya, an embrace
cascading over my broken soul
quelling my quivering heart
my trembling hands
my tear-filled eyes

i see you still

both tunes played on the ipod shuffle, right afer i returned from 265.
i'm working on my own poetry to try to capture that visit...

beat up and healed to the power of ten.

The new and improved version from Shine...

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

They took all the trees and put 'em in a tree museum
And then they charged all the people twenty-five bucks just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT now
Give me spots on my apples but leave me the birds and the bees, please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Late last night I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi carried off my old man
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Joni Mitchell

You're the queen of the slipstream with eyes that shine
You have crossed many waters to be here
You have drank of the fountain of innocence
And experienced the long cold wintry years

There's a dream where the contents are visible
Where the poetic champions compose
Will you breathe not a word of this secrecy?
Will you still be my special rose?

Goin' away far across the sea
But I'll be back for you
I'll tell you everything I know
Baby, everything is true

Will the blush still remain on your cheeks, my love?
Is the light, is the light always seen in your head?
Gold and sliver they placed at your feet, my dear
But I know you chose me instead, alright

Girl I'm goin' away far across the sea
But I'll be back for you
Tell you everything I know
Baby, everything is true

You're the Queen of the slipstream, I love you so
You have crossed many waters to be here
And you drink, and you drink at the fountains of innocence
An experience you know very well

You're the Queen, you're the Queen
You're the Queen, you're the Queen
You're the Queen, you're the Queen
You're the Queen, you're the Queen
You're the Queen, you're the Queen

Van Morrison

Freedom

Take your eyes off me
There's nothing here to see
Trying to keep my head together
As we make our vow
Let us remember how
There's nothing good that lasts forever

Time out on the running boards, we're running
Through a world that lost its meaning
We're trying to find a way to love this running
Ain't no kind of freedom

Feel the touch of grief
You stand in disbelief
Can steal the earth from right beneath you
Falling in so far
They know just where you are
Yeah but there ain't no way to reach you

Time out on the running boards, we're running
Through a world that lost its meaning
Trying to find a way to love this running
Ain't no kind of freedom
Freedom
Yeah

It's time to clean these boots
Fold up these parachutes
The word's goodbye but I can't say it
The end is close at hand
I think we understand
There ain't no use trying to delay it

Time out on the running boards, we're running
Through a world that lost its meaning
Trying to find a way to love this running
Ain't no kind of freedom
Freedom, freedom

Time out on the running boards, we're running
Through a world that lost its meaning
Trying to find a way to love this running
Ain't no kind of freedom
Freedom

Fasten on my mask
I'm bending to the task
I know this work is never finished
And if I close my eyes
I can still see you dancing
Laughing loud and undiminished

David Gray

"...in the wind and in the rain my darling, say goodbye..."
re: what is likely to be her last post from abroad

you are asleep, and the alarm rings
you turn, to either send it into a snooze cycle, or prepare to get up straight away
you find either option agreeable
you are now aware that you can choose from a plethora of realms to wake-up into
you choose one which brings you some warmth pleasure and a gentle vigor
your mornings are changed forever
you are truly grateful

may this practice become a path
vande gurunam...

This in my inbox the other night...

I will very rarely publish anything from friends, as I keep most of the things they tell me as confidential. This did move me to tears however, and I want it to be someplace I know I'll read it later. I suspect that Al would be honoured that it means this much to me.

If ever I get around to writing a second book, I'm going to call it "God's Vast Azure". Or perhaps it'll be the subtitle of my first book... which I've yet to write...

On Thu, Jan 20, 2011 at 10:10 AM, Al <@mail.com> wrote:

Howdy Roy,
Trenton and Kingston water is like apples and oranges
---Trenton with sandy loam soils filters sweeter water than Kingston's
hard limestone-based top-mass (what little there is of it !) , but I
suspect you weren't literally talking about the water !! --- more the
city ambiance? .... Have you discovered Trenton's favourite eaterie
yet ? I've not yet visited however I'm fairly certain that if you
venture down to Trenton's oldest main street, and scan the central few
blocks, you will find a modestly maintained diner warmly welcoming in
a depassé '50s pretty-pink and baby-blue neon glow. Remember [NOT]
to order the surf and turf.
... Regarding pains in your forearms --- if those pains move
upwards into your upper arm or shoulder / chest side, get ye to the
local nurse for a quick hypertension test ... your job is stressful
and you've been through alot of changes in lifestyle this past few
years ... as physically healthy / active as you may well be ...
the old ticker only takes so much abuse. .... On the subject of
abuse, the medical community continues to poke me and prod me and push
me around ... I've just about reached my limit of tests without
results. As the Chinese philosophers warn: "Careful of what you wish
for". .... I was put on a 6 month waiting list for an MRI; owing to
various other tests, I was bumped to the urgent 6 week list; I had my
MRI, Saturday night, one week ago ... no sooner was I in the door
from that test and the hospital was calling for a second MRI --- a
1am call! (I was back in the MRI machine the following day). Three
weeks is the usual 'result' time --- my tests were ready in three
days ! ... My G.P. has been dismissing all of my tests over the past
year (nothing new! don't worry ! see you next month !) ... now he
wants to see me tomorrow. I don't know much about medicine but I
have an inkling about the preciousness of time. I don't imagine I'm
being fast-paced summoned for someone to light me a candle and shout:
"Congrats, you are as healthy as a horse !" ... Between you and I
Roy , I'm a tad scared ... I've been off work 8 months now ...
'just-in-case' I have been attempting to put my life in some semblance
of order ... most especially my papers --- wall-after-wall of
research notes, photos, journals, dobbles of ideas .... recall
Roy , I have not slept more than two hours per night in twenty or
thirty years ... my mind always races .... I've recorded many of
my thoughts ... what is to happen to my thoughts when I am gone? who
would bother reading them ? what is the 'proof' of my existence ?
... Sorry, Roy , I'm a tad apprehensive and subsequently gloomy.
I'm confident that I'll feel better, one way or another, after
tomorrow's medical news. I MUST, either get on with living or die
soon ... this limbo is no place to be.
... So did you find that Trenton greasy-spoon and 'snap' that
world-class food-picture ... I'll try to picture it was one of my
preferred meals. You know, I think that one of my favourite meals
was an open-sky, prairie, campfire meal -- pork and beans and
hot-buttery corn-meal bread under God's vast azure-blue and light.
Somehow, a crisp-chill in the air, whisps of hickory smoke, and just
the right drizzle of molasses brought the 'gourmet' experience to a
peak ! The most, excellent accompanying beverage was cold creek
water that tasted chalky-silty like the ground we slept on.
Roy , I'm the one getting OLD ! I'm rambling / wondering in
reminiscences ... take good care, .... Godspeed, Al

I'd like to be able to post my latest trip details...

in a land my father near visited
i shall soon travel to the tree of life

"Why these mountains? Why this sky? This long road? This empty room?" *

a rhythm which has long ago penetrated my psyche
words which have become part of my inner being

i shall soon visit the tree of life
a pilgrimage, a prayer

"...and zero, and.... one..." *

* Lyrics in quotes: Laurie Anderson

A poppy on my lapel
Sun glasses breaking
And my heart

First song on shuffle this morning, after Sophie left for work...
Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye, by the Black Crows.
I'm crying...

Had a caravan for 295 yesterday
I had 20 minutes notice
Was about to turn off my phones to do yoga practice
My agent likes txting
She left out (from the previous day's txt) any mention of the day for the caravan
Only 2 other companies visited
I find that discouraging
I have faith the house will sell at a good price

i have done more yogasana in 3 weeks than in the past 3 months
the market is slowing??
funeral trumps moving this weekend
me and soph this week for GAS, used the bullet to make margaritas
easy volunteer shift today
have not done much road riding
same goes for mountain
i am grateful for all that i have

week 3 (twisting) home work this week
going to get my bike stuff from the garage
yesterday at le scandinave in old montreal
the st laurence water is low, so the canal wall trail is good
being without work is stressful
listenning to all my friend's input is theraputic
choosing what to apply is challenging
i am grateful for all that i am

my house is on the market
i'll need to revise the price
the notion of home be redifined
weather is good
may do a bike ride tonight with soph
will be making a connection in the training domain through ralph
start the yoga TT this weekend
am struggling a bit but am ok

I am 43 years old
I've had a wonderful birthday this past weekend
I'm going to try to get my taxes done on time this year
Summer tires have been on the Smart for a few weeks now
It is snowing today
Brian says I need a shot of reality
I'm scheduled to get some twice weekely in verdun
295 is on the market

A while back Christine indicated that all I needed to do to help align myself to the new direction in my life is to make a clear list of my requirements for new work. OK so it was a long while back... maybe as long back as October??

Well today in the spirit of swiftness and peace I got around to my list, thanks Christine for keeping on me to get this done... yeah swiftness... don't get me started...

I am having difficulty wanting to find another corporate gig
I am wondering about how to make up my own mind about career choices
I am eating well and not rushing
David Miller says "movies move too fast"
I like movies
I say life moves too fast
Especially so in fast-paced technology environments
I am about to make my job wishlist/wantlist/requirement list

200-Hour Professional Certification Program
10 weekend Intensives: May 2010 – July 2011

A unique opportunity to study and practice intensely with experienced and knowledgeable yoga teachers.

This training is designed for students and teachers of all traditions who teach or who are interested in teaching groups of all levels. It is also for students and teachers who wish to take their own practice to a new level to deepen their understanding of Yoga.

During this training you will receive a basic, beginner teacher training with the following components:

Detailed examination and analysis of 40 yoga postures.
Learn how to accurately practice and teach asana by breaking down the poses into component parts along with proper usage of props.
Develop and maintain a self-nourishing personal practice.
Explore how to wisely, safely adapt poses for different body types and different levels of flexibility, strength, injury, age and understanding.

Study skills that create good foundation for an effective teacher:
basic teaching skills
effective verbal communication
proper demonstration skills
observing, correcting, adjusting
classroom management
Basic art of sequencing and hands on adjusting

The above will be taught through various methods including:
Small group work and peer teaching
Regular homework assignments
Test both theory and practical
Developing a meditation practice
In depth self exploration

We will, as a group, design practices for all major categories of poses each month. Participants will practice a set sequence of poses each month to enhance their familiarity with both the basics of the poses from a teaching point of view as well as refinements meant for their own development.

Basic anatomy regarding postures will be included.

Syllabus of Postures: those from the Ashtanga primary series excluding marichyasana B and D, Supta Kurmasana, Bhujapidasana and Setubhandasana.

It will also include Restorative postures and the Big Six.

i am signed up for a year-long yoga teacher-training
it's not at darby's shala
sophie and i walked the rougemont trails on good friday
rougemont is still not receptive to mountainbikers
sophie and i cycled 50 kilometers easter saturday
gilles thinks there's a chance to work back at the big engineering corp (BEC) as a contractor
even though i clean my house every day, it is still quite a mess (6 months now, from October)
i really like my life

Find Services logon credentials
Map out wattage exercises for new spin routine
Drink more water
Chose to do things which will make a difference
Spend less time thinking of ways to spend money
Do some yoga before lunch hour
Enter yoga TT dates into adgenda
Spend less time meandering around the house

(obviously turned out to be a to-do list, not prioritized, or optimized)

Yeah, there's a lot which has hapened in my life since last Easter...
I wrestle with myself for not comitting the details to the 99to1 entries... what can one do? Getting back to lists as a start...

I must write...
Have been reminded by some close friends recently. And more recently this email from Sophie...

"Hey Roy,
Sergey wants you to write a 500 word article on the following topic:
'Use of foam exercise roller in yoga'
Apparently you are a genius and will figure out what this means and will be able to write on this topic.
He will not pay for it and he wants it ASAP.
It seems like you have no choice, you have to accept…

Soph"

Here's what I came up with in about 30 minutes...

props or no props...
that is the question. or ,at least it is the question nto a confused yoga practioner who has learned from mixed Iyengar and Ashtanga methods. blocks, bolsters, blankets, ropes, belts and chairs.

I hear your next question; why not foam rolls?

the Iyengar tradition started using props to support poses a long while ago, perhaps in the early 50's. though it’s true, Iyengar's approach leaned towards using what was readily available (refer to above mentioned list). Iyengar was not in the habbit of going out shopping to buy new products to help his yoga students learn yoga poses (called yoga asanas). (though apparently he was rumoured to have regularly sent his son T.K.V Desikachar out to the corner to fetch mid-morning and mid-afternoon chai from the chai-wallha just down the street from his yoga shala...) I figure, back in the day, inground pools were not en vogue in Pune India, so it is doubtful that Iyengar would have ever had reason to have seen inflatable waterwings, aqua-areobic classes, or for that matter a foam roll.

it is my suggestion however, that had mr.Iyengar ever seen one of these beauties, he would have, very quickly, introduced it to his arsenal of at-hand yoga props. he would have stocked hundreds of them on low shelves all around his yoga shala, in a smorgasbord of colours and sizes, so that when a student needed some kind support for an asana they could not fully express, or for a restorative pose which required some firm yet giving support there was always a foam roller of the right size near at hand.

Ahhh foam rollers… need some support for your thighs in a weighted baddhakonasana? no trouble got a foam roller just for you. thoracic spine needs gentle support for a restorative savasana?? Trying to get a correct arch in your back foot when you do virabadhrasana?? Looking for an appropriate support for your sacrum when you do urdvhadanurasana?? belly gets in the way when you attempt balasana?? the list goes on and on...

what surprises me nowadays however is this… surly the world’s supply of foam rollers comes from india. People there must know foam rollers exist. And Indian-folk are known around the globe to be very creative in the ways they invent new uses for things, so why is it that the wonders of foam rollers have yet to penetrate into iyengar’s shala and his approach to supported yoga postures?

No doubt Iyengar has seen the furious success his competitor bikram choudry has had trademarking the bikram style of yoga?? Why has the world not been introduced to the IFRSS?? The Iyengar Foam Roller Support System?? He could be raking in lakhs of rupees a day!!

Whether your yoga practice is derived from a lineage which applies a form of support during yoga asanas or not is really insignificant, what is clear is that foam rollers is the way to go. Buy them while you can at affordable poolshops in your neighborhood. soon this yogi is planning a trip to Pune to have a chat with mr. iyengar while he is still alive… the IFRSS is soon to be for sale at a lululemon store near you…

Québec 45,9 %
Employment situation
Unfavorable

This from jobboom in my inbox just this morning...

In a recent email to a friend I wrote this. Even though there's many wonderful things going on in my life right now, this does summarize the situation in terms of the big unknowns... This is the first entry explicitly dealing with no longer working for the big engineering company... what a couple of weeks it's been...

how am i doing???
wow...
i do indeed wonder about that regularly. sometimes i am terrified, and paralyzed (i have no idea if i will loose my house and car etc), other times i am comfortable and relaxed, that i'm in touch with all this change as a real blessing. occaisionally i feel like i've been set on fire and that my personality/being has been cracked wide open, and that my suffering is exposed and visible to everyone. i feel kind of wild and untammed... sometimes it feels as if my entire life is starting now, and that i'm ill prepared to participate, and i wonder what i will let myself become...

the union of golden hearts
subside and reside
within the realm
of individual reflection

glorious bliss
and fulfillment
replaced by tears
by aching and longing

by what heavenly chance
shall time and space
overturn these reflections

when shall the cosmos
once again observe in awe
and cherish
our dance divine?

When you listen to a love song; do you hear your lover speaking to you, you to your lover?

your higher self speaking to you, you to your higher self?

god speaking to you, or you to god?

god bless the love song

The bathroom at 295 is still not done
I dreampt I rode a Bixi
I must make some vacation plans before it's too late
I'm having a good life
I am still on fire, in the cauldren, as it were
Fall is just about upon us, next Friday is a moon

have sent email to friends about the breakup
have had a really wonderful time with leeanne (jazzfest, comedyfest, just buzzing around etc)
have started work on the bathroom
house is a mess
am getting ready to try the clippers on the buzzcut
feeling quite good and spirits are uplifted

3rd assignment of 2009 #01

Day one of my 3rd (1-month) assignment (in less than 4 months) is over [that didn't leave much time for vacation did it?]. Equipment is set up and ready for day 1 of the course...

I offer proof that I am no longer in Italy...

Proof 01
Proof 02
Proof 03
Proof 04
Proof 05
Proof 06

3rd assignment of 2009 #02

My first weekend in Charlotte...

The yoga class I dropped in on yesterday was a heat-fest.
It was 82/28 degrees... and the Ashtanga class followed on the heels of a Hot Yoga class, where they heatup the room to almost sauna temps... it was crazy-hot in there.

After the class while walking to the car a stranger looked at me, smiled and asked, too much sun, or a great workout? I simply smiled a blissed-out smile and pointed to the yoga studio behind me.

Then I walked straight into the sushi shop right beside the yoga studio for a little treat.
Treat 01
Treat 02
Treat 03
Treat 04

And yes there is a Starbucks within eyesight of this studio...

Hope you're all well...

3rd assignment of 2009 #02/03

OK... so actually it's #3... due to the last unsubjected email... :-)
Some of you have mentioned that reading these updates enable you to live and travel vicariously...
On an introspective note; it has occured to me that writing these updates in fact offers me the opportunity to live vicariously as well.

Through my Self.

Thanks for clueing me in...

Roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #03

Hi friends...
I'll be back in Montreal during the last week of May...
Hope you're all having a great spring!

Friday past in bed before 19:00... slept in until 09:00 Saturday...
Finally getting some really good rest...

(I prefer crab to lobster)

This from a good friend...

How to make sense of it all... oh the mystery...

Send me your thoughts... or your own updates...

Give thanks whenever you can...

roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #04

This night I have practiced yoga.
I devoted my practice to Shri Krishna Pattabhi Jois.

This man is my teacher's teacher... and he is the teacher of thousands of yogis all over the world. During both my trips to India I had the opportunity to meet him and speak with him leisurly. Before I went to India I had the chance to practice with him when he visited Montreal, in 2001 or 2002...

Recently he has been admited to hospital in ICU.
He is 94 years old.
The full moon is in 2 days.

This is a loose translation of the prayer he offers at the end of practice:

May all be well with mankind
May the leaders of the earth portect in every way by keeping to the right path
May there be goodness for those who know the earth to be sacred
May all beings be happy

lay down, take rest, smile, wipe your eyes,

3rd assignment of 2009 #05

Well...
Can't seem to narrow it down...

It just may be the Blue Moon Wheat Ales, the Long Hammer Indian Pale Ales, or perhaps it's the BBQ chicken wings or ribs, or the number of burgers, fried pickles or ice-cream sandwiches I've been eating, but something has certainly been putting on the pounds... I thought simply not eating in Italy would have been enough to stop amassing the mass...

The camera has been taking a break... I've got no new photos...

I've been joining the guys from work at their local sports bars to watch some playoff hockey and shoot pool... there's a few guys here who live in Pittsburgh, and they are Pens (Penguins) fans... my pool game has almost never been better...

I am looking forward to getting back to Montreal... though just today my employer sent notice that there would be 700 jobs cut in the next few days... so returning will be in some way kinda shocking...

I'm planning to spend some time on the mountain bike zipping through the trails... it was a really nice reminder I had while riding in Italy... and maybe (if there's a requirement) commuting to work...

There's quite a few of you I don't hear from at all... not sure I mean you when I say "drop me a line when you can"?
Take the risk...

roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #06

Update from starbucks after yoga class...

Post yoga 01
Post yoga 02
Post yoga 03

roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #07

I'll send the along long before any of you decide to pose the question again...

My arrival in montreal is late Saturday May 23rd.

with love, and smiles :-)

roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #08

hi friends...
saturday afternoon here in charlotte NC, flight leave at 20:30 tonight.
am very close to all packed...
though i am listenning to the ipod through my portable speakers as i pack... forgot to make space for them... again!! i do that every trip. both suitcases are currently stuffed, not sure where i'm going to jam them in...
not in my carry-on that's for sure, i've got the laptop, 4 magazines and all my paperwork from 2 assignments... that bag is already as heavy as balck matter...

montreal was full of snow when i left, and now i understand spring is in full bloom... expecting a high of 21/70. i think it's been close to 10 weeks away... i feel still very far away from home, italy was far from home, and charlotte is very far from rome, and it's a month later so montreal feels far away... though it's only about a 2 and-a-half hour flight...

am going to skip yoga class this afternoon... don't want to get a whole bunch of clothes and yoga mats drenched just before flying... last thursday evening's class was my last practice session here and the instructor asked the class to devote their practice to my teacher's teacher, he passed on the 18th, a few days after the full moon...

i've met some really good people here in charlotte, and have become addicted to buffalo chicken.
speaking of good people, Moses fixed my favorite suitcase. one of the castors broke off, and i never got around to claiming a replacement from the carrier, and i would have had to buy a new one. this is the BIG case i got in tokyo in 2007... it's like a rolling house with handles. i am so gratefull to have not lost the broken wheel and to have it fixed better than new...

hope you're all well...

roy

3rd assignment of 2009 #09-HOME-SAFE!

HOME-SAFE!

And staying put for a while…

Be well... and thanks for keeping in touch…

Roy

2nd assignment of 2009 #1

Well, I'm in Paris (at the time of writing this update)

Actually Paris the airport, not the city...

My USAir flight was cancelled due to very high winds along the eastern seaboard...

They arranged to have me go with Air France to CDG and then to Roma
I'm writing this note just moments after I've conclded there's no wifi here, none free, or easy let's say... I don't want to sign a contract just to get my first note out to you all... I'd probably have to become a member at two different unions and make pension contributions...

Takeoff in a 747-400 in high winds was quite an experience... lots of shear...

I'm probably about 10 minutes from my first espresso in a proper european country.
I'll have quite some time to sample the airport's offerings as it's currently 07:00 hrs, and my flight to roma departs closer to noon...

I really am a very lucky guy... the alarm that I so painstakingly set to get me up on time to pack and do last-minute errands was only that; set. Not turned on. I can sleep until well past 10:00hrs with no alarm sounding... By some little miracle I awoke without the alarm and thankfully realized it was at a time which would not put my flights at risk... The result was less than 2 hours to pack and get it all together...

Well, in the end, together it all got, no thanks to Union Taxi who, twice, went to 276 Queen instead of 265 Queen... the driver was certain that the school accross the street was also 265, when he saw the numbers our our house amazed to learn that a street could have 2 identical numerical address, he couldn't figure out how the postman would decide who gets what...

I had to show the driver the address on the building he had driven to twice, to point out the numbers were different, he went through a quaint cognitive dissonance routine consisting of a rather odd display of facial distortions and quirky gasps with some crazy hand gestures. The numbers on the school's portico are about 1 meter high, they read: 276.

The postman was in fact safe from the imagined dilema my driver had projected on to him...

I have, as usual, the scantest of directions to follow to get me the ~165 kilometers or so out of roma to viterbo... can't wait to hit the road after the next short flight...

la bella macchina sounds like it's warmed up and in the zone, time for coffee...

OK...
No longer in Paris now...

Sometime later, probably only a day, though it's hard to be sure... I travelled 28 hours straight to get to Italy, so I'm a little bit lost for temporal awareness...

I've survived CDG and the hour and a half (motionless) delay on the taxiway due to a runway inspection (so it wasn't a short flight after all) and I'm part way through Friday at work on the Italian army base in Viterbo... I've seen blossoming lilac trees and lots of gorgeous countryside on the drive up... having a nice time so far...

Software installation so far is going well...
Looks like we're off to a good start for Monday...

Travel pics soon to be updated with some European food shots and other...

I've got a VW Passat and it's a big car for Italy!!
I may try driving it into Roma to (get it banged up a bit) do a yoga at Lino Miele's studio over the weekend. And he's got a special workshop over a weekend, I may participate if the $$ (or euros) are there.

Be well!

roy

2nd assignment of 2009 #2

Hey gang, here's some info on Viterbo:

http://www.italytraveller.com/en/r/lazio/s/viterbo
Yeah there's thermal-mineralized (sulfer??) baths here... :-) !!!
Not sure I'll be able to soak though, I hear they don't sulfer fools easily here in Viterbo (for you Colin... ok and Bernard too).

And the travel set has been updated...

Maybe off to Rome tomorrow (Sunday)...

Hope you're all well,

roy

2nd assignment of 2009 #3

Warning, this one is long... yeah, longer than usual...

Yep, the Travel set has been updated (including some food shots)...

This is my second Saturday in Italy... and apparently I am in hell...

By this I mean that Danté claimed (I haven't read Danté btw) in his Devine Comedy, La Divina Commedia, (Hell Book) that the baths and caves of Viterbo, are in fact the physical entrances to hell... why did my travel agent omit to inform me of this? Did she suspect I would refuse my assignment? Did she think I must go to Roma and sample proper southern-Italian food??

First off, the thermal baths in this area are indeed sulfur, they turn your silver jewelry into an ugly hellish mess, they make your skin feel beyond wonderful... and they do have a god-awful stink. Danté was on to something... And even though I am somewhat of a fool, I had no trouble gaining entrance to the sulfur baths...

The natural grotto (caves) are incredible... really. Grotto therapy is unlike sauna or steam bath, in that it's not an enter/exit repeat kind of experience... in once, then exit to be wrapped up by an attendant in soft cocoon where you rest on a comfortable bed for about 30 minutes. The wrap actually retains heat, so it's like high-temperature baking in the grotto for about 10 minutes (43 degrees C yesterday), followed by a slow-wrapped-baking in the relaxation room for another half an hour!

My heart and cardiovascular system are accustomed to sauna and steam bath... and to a rather quick temperature plunge in the 13 degrees C arctic dunk-pool. There is no such feature as a 13 degree dunk-pool in these underground ancient caves, (go figure)... your body stays heated up, only to return to a normal temperature quite slowly... like after 40 minutes of high-humidity, and heat...

Thankfully, I opted for a third service upon entering the Center... the Vascular Treatment...

This consisted of a 20 minute walk in 2 waist-deep narrow pools each about 20 meters long. One warm, one cold (24 degrees C). You walk 20 meters in the warm pool, exit, do a 180, and descend into the 20 meter cold pool running parallel alongside the warm one. You greet other bathers with a smile, as you pass them walking in the opposite direction, and in opposite temperature... quite an exercise in mental polarities (indeed a yogic activity by nature as well)... I was lowering my body to chest level while traversing the cold pool.

So it's Saturday, I'm well rested. Got to bed before 21:00 Friday and slept in to 09:00 this am. Had a very nice breakfast and am trying to sort out my day. Maybe long drive to the ocean, or maybe another walk to old walled Viterbo. Last week's walk was on Sunday, and practically everything was closed, so it was quite and desolate. If I go today it'll be much livelier...

Check out these links:
General
Photos
Grotto
Pools
Piscina

My silver ring after soaking...

The Italians have their televisions read the newspaper to them.
Each morning as I watch the TV news program displayed on the large plasma screen TV in the breakfast room, there's either a gorgeous Italian woman, or an older grumpy/scruffy Italian man operating a large table-top-touchscreen display computer. The TV angle is typically from directly above the news anchor person as they operate the touch screen. Page-by-page they bring copies of the various newspapers front pages into view, and proceed to highlight in yellow computerized finger-activated highlighter that page's Headlines, and then highlight some of the key text in the article below... mixed media or what?? It's fun to watch, though it strikes me as a bit pablum-ish to have a publication as evolved as a newspaper read to me... not sure if I go for it back home... Imagine watching the TV news back home and having the morning's news from The Gazette, or La Prèsse banged into your head... umm... no-thanks...

I have been lent a 3000$ mountain-bike by Cpt. Simoné... we may ride the mountains of Viterbo!!!

So the question now becomes; who is Lino Miele?
Well he's an interesting guy, first-off. He's based in Roma, and he's an Ashtanga Yoga teacher. Lino's teacher is a man I affectionately call The Old Man. The Old Man is also my teacher's teacher. The Old Man is very close to about 20 of his older and more dedicated students, Lino and my teacher are included in this group. The Old Man is considered to be Ashtanga yoga's Father. I am very fortunate that every assignment my career has sent me on, each one has landed me in the lap of interesting and qualified Ashtanga teachers. I did manage to miss Andrew Eppler in Oklahoma recently, though that's another story...

And also another story is about how I've come to befriend an Ashtanga teacher who is based in Chicago. Her name is Lisa, and I came to learn of her when I was researching Ashtanga yoga in Tokyo back in 2007. Lisa writes (blogs) about her teaching, and traveling adventures. In 2007 she was teaching for a 3 month stint in Tokyo, and our paths almost crossed at that point. From what I've gathered about her, she is a concerned, involved, generous person. I can only imagine how much she gives of herself to her students. I have never had the opportunity to meet her in person, only via web-based contact... though I do know she is shy and would be slightly uncomfortable having this update involve her so, I'll keep it to a minimum...

Lisa is strongly urging me to go to Lino's weekend's workshop next weekend in Roma...
Lisa's teacher is Lino Miele...

I met Lino on my first visit to Helsinki. Over the years, he assisted some very fine people there in setting up an excellent Ashtanga school. Lino often goes to Helsinki to do workshops, and he even persuaded The Old Man to visit Helsinki on one of the famous world tours. So in 2006 (I think) I met Lino on one of his workshop visits to Helsinki. In fact he was offering a week-long workshop, with the only weekend activity being a small lecture, with Question and Answer and a film screening, followed by a pot-luck party. The lecture with film screening was the only event my schedule permitted me to attend. I did however manage to do several lead classes with Hanne Sydänmaa who helped me greatly with the arm/hand position of Halasana... yeah another story...

The Finns by the way, are quiet and publicly reserved people in general. They keep to themselves, they don't gesticulate wildly (or at all) with the arms and hands when they speak, they don't raise their voices they don't shout in public (unless they are drunk, and they are in fact known to get quite drunk sort of regularly, though they typically remain on the quite side). If you're interested you can get a good idea of drunken Finnish city life in the wonderful movie "A Night On Earth".

I heard a translation of a Finnish expression commenting on Finnish culture...
When a Finn speaks to you and looks at their own shoes, they are typical of Finnish culture and are introverted, when a Finn speaks to you and looks at your shoes, they are an exception to the rest, and are definitely extroverted... or something along those lines... anyhow off-topic again...

Lino, before he started his small lecture, was stressing that the Finns in attendance should be direct with their questions, that they should be comfortable to speak up, and bring their personality into their questions... He broke the ice by humorously suggesting that before adjourning to watch the movie, that someone must ask him about his recipe for "dabesta pasta-sauce-a ina-da world" he said this with both his hands extended in an typical Southern-Italian gesture, conveying both how good his recipe is and how much he as an individual, loves food... (which suggests to me why Lisa connects to him so strongly, Lisa is a foodie)

As an an side... ipod is playing The Black Crows, Time Will Tell, where the refrain is "You think you're in heaven, but you're living in hell..." Those of you know me well, know that I suspect the software engineers at apple took special attention to engineer an unusually high level of synchronicity into the Shuffle mode of the ipod... Did they even go to the extents to read Danté? Shuffle is much more rewarding than the Genius Playlist product... but that yet again is another story...

Back to Lino...
He did a nice presentation and passed on very good information about Ashtanga method (which very often gets misrepresented, even by it's own proponents). It was clear to me that he is a very special person and has a high level of caring for his students and the yoga system he is devoted to... After a couple of quiet and reserved questions from 1 or 2 from the Finnish students in attendance, I piped up to ask a spirited, and direct question to sort of get things animated and rolling... It was along the lines of how Lino feels inside while he is doing his practice... a question which is away from the typical questions about alignment and counting and how to perfect the postures or the method...

He grew a very big smile and used his answers as a launching pad to talk about yoga in a very different context... the students of course warmed up to the change in the room and their questions became natural and flowing and animated, and Lino was in his element... and the Q&A indeed went on longer than anyone had anticipated...

After some time one could see Lino making efforts to guide the group's attention toward ending the Q&A and to watching the film, it was, after all getting late... after the 3rd or 4th round of "I'll take a-one-a more-a last questee-own-eh..." I put up my hand... again...

He looked at me with slight concern, as he suspected it might get long (yes a common theme in my life)... I assured him via gestures it would be a short one... He agreed...

"Is basil a necessary ingredient in a pasta-sauce?"

I asked him this question with the utmost seriousness devotion and respect, the kind owed to a senior Ashtanga Teacher or any maestro... I asked it with a glow in my eyes while making direct eye contact and I asked it with undeniable passion and sincerely...

The crowd broke into loud, relaxed and friendly laughter... indeed I made lots of eye contact with people in the crowd and shared in big friendly Finnish smiles...

Upon hearing the question, Lino had cracked an big warm southern-Italian smile too, held his hands out and gestured thankfully and gracefully, looked up, as if to the heavens... it appeared as if he was channeling the divine flavour of his pasta sauce and the beatitudes of all the Roman Catholic and Yogic saints for inspiration and guidance for how to dutifully answer the question, and bring his lecture full circle and indeed to a close... (I'm a sucker for the full-circle vibe in a well though out presentation if you hadn't already guessed).

Lino gave us wonderful instructions on how to prepare a dark olive-based sauce... My mouth was watering as Lino expounded on the virtues and flavour of the olives which come from close to his home town... I was too much enjoying the presentation of the recipe to have been taking notes to be able to record it...

Lisa says I must go to Roma next weekend to do the workshop and be with her teacher... I think she is correct.

If I am really really really lucky, I'll come away from Roma with a very special pasta-sauce recipe as well...

Workshop

Hope you're all in fine spirits and good health... drop me a line when you have the time...

with love,

roy

2nd assignment of 2009 #4

Everything is indeed relative...
In montreal, if I receive compliments when I dress up, it is not uncommon for me to hear that this or that part of my outfit has a European flavour or accent...

Here in Europe, dressed up as I was for the first day of class, the going comment was that my outfit carried a definite Mormon style.

Go figure...

2nd assignment of 2009 #5

Regarding dressing like a mormon...
This witty bit from my friend Gilles: "The Lord is my tailor and I shall not want."

2nd assignment of 2009 #6

So, as I've been saying... the key to a good pizza here in Italy, is to keep the ingredients simple...

2nd assignment of 2009 #7

Bags are packed, route is planned...
Drive to Saxa Rubra, park, train to Rome, and tube to coliseum.
By 16:00 this afternoon, I'll be finished with day one of the workshop with Lino.
His studio is a stones-throw from the coliseum... can't wait...

How you all doing? Any news?

bewell...

r

2nd assignment of 2009 #8

Even though I was one of the very first to arrive at the yoga school, I was the last to enter... I though it was considerate to let all of Lino's regular students, some who've come from quite far away, enter and greet him first...

Lino and I embraced and kissed southern Italian style, he smiled realizing 2 things; I have never practiced with him, and he knew my face from somewhere...

He said, "we have met before, where?"
"Helsinki" I said...

Lino smiled, not quite placing me...
"I've come to Roma to practice with you, and to write down your recipie for the best pasta sauce in the world."

"Ahh yes! 2004 lecture and video, I remember..." he said smiling...

Lino's good with faces, and places...

Pasta alla Lino Mielle Puttanesca
(basically traditional Puttanesca minus anchovy fillets)

pure extra-virgin olive oil
fresh chopped tomatoes (about 2 per person)
black and green olives (lots-more black tha green) cut in slices, or finer
dried hot chili peppers (peperoncino)
chopped fresh garlic (an ashtanga no-no)
capers (rinsed)

warm pure extra virgin olive oil (lots) in a pan
add garlic and chilipepers
when the garlic starts to change state remove it
add tomatoes
when oil and tomatoes come to light boil add capers and olives
and the garlic if so inclined
reduce heat
simmer a short while
serve over spaghetti, or spaghettini
add fresh chopped basil

A more thorough story from Diane Seed in her book, Top 100 Pasta Sauces (p. 20) ISBN 0-89815-232-1. She says:

"My introduction to this famous pasta dish occurred when I overheard two elderly priests discussing the pros and cons of Spaghetti alla Puttanesca ("Whore's spaghetti") as they deliberated over the menu in a Neapolitan restaurant. Made of ingredients found in most Italian larders, this is also known as Spaghetti alla Buona Donna - or 'Good Woman's Spaghetti' - which can be misleading if one is not familiar with the ironic insult figlio d'una buona donna - son of a good woman.[4]

To understand how this sauce came to get its name, one must consider the 1950s when brothels in Italy were state-owned. They were known as case chiuse or 'closed houses' because the shutters had to be kept permanently closed to avoid offending the sensibilities of neighbors or innocent passers-by. Conscientious Italian housewives usually shop at the local market every day to buy fresh food, but the 'civil servants' were only allowed one day per week for shopping, and their time was valuable. Their specialty became a sauce made quickly from odds and ends in the larder."

2nd assignment of 2009 #9

Ok...
So it's been 4 days since I've had what the Italians call "real" coffee... which of course means espresso.
I've been having caffé lattés instead, or at work just lattés (no cafe).

I've also consumed 4 liters of grapefruit juice in less than 24 hours. Anybody who knows me closely will know that this is my cure for any bug. I've been having a sore throat, and a cough... but following this treatment and some additional vitamin C, I now feel pretty fine and am well on the mend... It is impossible to find Argento Coloidiale here in Viterbo by the way...

Being under the weather of course, means that I did not make it to Paris this weekend, as I was hoping to do. I would have been able to see two old friends Colin and Brendan (brothers). My visit would have been a surprise to Brendan (no thanks to their father almost spilling the beans)... I was going to get myself into a predetermined café or bar, and Colin would have walked his brother there creating, what would have looked like, a fluke crossing of paths... Brendan lives in Vancouver.
Instead I spent the weekend in bed recovering...

So it's true I didn't write much about Roma...
The thing is, it was a whirlwind weekend, centered on the yoga workshop with Lino, so I didn't see much (in terms of what Roma has to offer). An art historian would be horrified and likely disgusted, that one would go to this great city and miss so much. Yeah sure, I did see Roma's Big-O, the Colosseo (I walked 3/4s of the way around it). The 1/4 of it I didn't get close to was the Arco di Constantino side, close to the Palatino. There aren't many people who've visited Roma and not gotten a good look at these things, spitting distance from the Colosseo. By the way I learned, Montreal is not the only international city with an ancient and crumbling stadium. I did see Piazza di Giovanni in Laterano... it was around the corner from my B&B.

I did walk quite a bit, and my feet were aching. I was wearing my favorite shoes, the ones I often travel in. There're great really comfortable... though I've never walked an entire day in them (not so great). And on top of that there was the yoga... not such a foot-friendly undertaking. And on top of that there was the pace of the yoga...

At home you could say I practice 3 times a week, never on back-to-back days. I practice alone (or with a few friends on Thursdays), and am quite gentle/slow with it. The workshop required 3 back-to-back days of practice... considering that a vigorous session really only hits you on day 3, you can imagine how I ached on day 3 of the workshop, and then the following 3 days. It is a feeling not unlike having been beat up with a 2x4 by some one who is therapeutically gifted in the administration of a beating. And the assistants (God bless them, especially Rrrrosanna), once they realized that my big thick body very readily receives adjustments (ashtanga yoga typically is a hands on practice wherein the teacher administers adjustments in the form of assistance to get into the poses) This link very well illustrates the method.

Anyhow... once the instructors figure out that my body gives itself over to them with ease, they really like giving me adjustments, as they see immediate results. Hence the physical sensation of having been in a gang fight 3 days post-practice...

My B&B was exactly 850 meters, as the crow flies, to Limo's studio, so likely 1.5km total walk. The guy who runs the B&B is also named Lino...
Ashtanga yoga is a vigorous practice, and it leaves one very hungry, and in need of sleep. So when in Roma, I think I did as most Romans do... ate, and rested...

I even turned down a very kind offer from one of the workshop participants. Debbie reminds me very much of my good friend Hannah (yes HH) Debbie is from New York and works in Roma, she drives a scooter, and has a spare helmet. She offered to bring it in to buzz me around Roma and take in some of the sights. Likely her spare helmet wasn't big enough for my meloné, and neither was her scooter. Sure, it would have comfortably fit the 2 of us, though there's the issue of the 250cc motor.... I'd be adding about 95 kilos to the load (me and my shoulder bag thank-you-very-much). Small-motored two wheeled vehicles don't perform so well with such a heavy load directly above, or behind the rear axle...

The workshop was great. I was the second person to arrive on the Friday. The first was a guy named Taro, he is from someplace close to Milan, we had a bit of a chat while we waited for the crowd to show up. Taro asked me which series I was working on. I said early part of the first... told him where I usually stop (in the sequence) and what my regular practice was like... he seemed kinda amused. He chuckled and with a big grin said... "dey-a-maybe-gonna-kick you out!" Taro is 54 years old and has one of the most advanced/beautiful practices I've ever seen (sorry Darby and Charles). We ended up practicing next to each other in the crowded room. I, possessing the most asana-resistant body in the room; he the least.

He's got a 2 hour-plus practice where he's doing 2nd (intermediate), and 3rd (advanced A) series. For reference.

Though these poses look challenging enough, the pictures do nothing to illustrate the movement which the practitioner goes through to get from one-to-the-next. And bear in mind that doing the Advanced A poses come after these ones are completed: http://ashtangayoga.info/asana-vinyasa/intermediate-series/index.html
It was a treat to watch him practice...

There was a party Saturday night for one of Lino's teachers, Sergio. He turned 50, and there was a yoga demonstration during the party. Lino called it the over 50 group. Lino is 56, Taro 54, Sergio 50, Tony 52, and Roberto 52. I took a video of the demo, which was set to music, We Will Rock You, Twist And Shout etc... I gave a copy to Sergio as a small Bday gift, he said he'd upload to youtube... details to follow???... there's photos on my flickr page in the yoga set of the teachers in the studio crowded around the door to the tiny office watching the video on the Sunday... Lino was in there crouched down in the middle...

It's funny to be at a party with ashtanga-yogis, they're a particular bunch. The guilt as they munch down the hors d'oeuvres... and the pleasure... most of those people would be shocked to learn the details of what goes on back home during our regular Thursday night yoga practice.

I have already posted pictures of my weekend in Roma.
There's pix of a grilled pork meal, which I had after Saturday's practice, and before a power nap and the party later in the evening. I'll bet no other workshop participant had such a meal that day!

I've decided to stay here in Viterbo to vacation and rest after my assignment. I really like traveling (being in distant lands), but really don't like traveling (getting to distant lands). I am simple, and I move slowly, sometimes too slowly for the world around me. I am currently in a very nice place, and I'm going to stay put. I'll do some day trips, some walking on the mountain and soaking in termé, and venture more into ancient Viterbo where the real beauty of this location is found. I've booked a nice B&B there which is affordable right inside the ancient city...

Speaking of B&Bs and traveling I'll be going back to Lino's place in Roma (not the yoga teacher) next weekend to see a bit more that fine city, it is Easter weekend. I've put a few calls in to the Pope to see if he'll meet me for tea, or espresso, but he hasn't returned my calls, I suspect he may already have a full weekend planned.

BeWellGodBless,

Roy

P.S. I'm scheduled back in Montreal last week of May...

1st assignment of 09

Hello my friends...
It's that time again...
Prepare yourselves, and your inboxes, for some stories and photos from another trip...
Oklahoma City this time... I've got the opportunity to work with the FAA, I'm stoked!

I'm also exhausted, and not packed yet. Weather permitting, (20+ cm of snow fell here today) my flight is scheduled to leave in less than 8 hours from the time of my writing this note...

Alarm is set for 03:30 and will pack shortly after it rings... cab is scheduled for 05:00 gotta find my passport before I sleep as well... hope I don't skimp on the vaccuum job in wee hours of the morning in the little red suitcase (winebottles broke on my return from Germany) and miss any tiny glass shards...

At least I know which suitcase to not put the underwear in...

For those of you I speak with regularly, you know I've been on a pretty rough emotional roller-coaster ride for the past while... and now am thrust into loads of time out-of-town... I agree with you all that this trip will provide well deserved break. I am doing OK and am looking forward to this assignment... and the following ones, with healthy enthusiasm. It might take me a few weeks to get into the usual creative groove of writing these updates...

Wish me luck and don't be shy to drop me a line...

How does it get better than this?
How does it? :-)

roy

1st assignment of 09 #2

OK.... so I'm safe in OK...

Have been getting tons of rest... long overdue... indeed...
There's been a little delay in getting our equipment onsite, so I'm a bit delayed in getting this assignment started... feels kinda strange being on site to provide a service, and to not be able to do it in the form I was sent here for...

I've been out to Zeke's. It's located about a 7 minute walk from my hotel, which is not near anything in particular... the walk takes me past a Best Buy and across a huge parking lot... Zeke's is a sports bar. You can play the horses at Zeke's or just sit and watch sports on the big screens. It's not fancy like Cage Aux Sports, just a simple American bar really...

I dropped in Saturday afternoon to see if they'd be showing the Georges St.Pierre UFC fight later that night. I had me a lunch, home-made chili and a Boulevard Wheat Ale... I got back there by 7:30PM (after a well-deserved mid-afternoon power nap, to be sure I had a good spot at the bar to watch BJ Penn take a beating... and take a beating he did...

Before the fight I was again sipping on a Boulevard and watching women's tennis... I'm sure these 2 characteristics (basketball was on most of the other big screens, and most everybody else was drinking Bud) [bud by the way is not served in a conspicuously tall frosted stein adorned with duo-slices of lemon] coupled with my unusual attire (I'm guessing kinda out-of-sorts for Oklahoma standards), made my Navajo buddy named Glen, and his buddy, a local Oklahoman named Denver, exchange glances and smirks, leading of course to the question I get asked most by newly-made acquaintances: "...are you gay? I mean it's ok if you are, and I ain't gonna hold anything against ya, cause it's a free country and all..." If I had a dollar for every time I've been asked...

My clothes still stink, as in America, smokers can still smoke inside... and smoke they do...

Sunday morning was another opportunity to get loads of rest... perfect to re hydrate from several Boulevards at Zeke's, to be ready for the 4PM yoga class with Maggie www.yogamaggie.com. That's the first time I've participated in a full lead primary class (for all you non-ashtangis, that means 90+ grueling minutes of non-stop yoga-postures with no breathing other than the breaths which go with the postures the teacher [drill-seargent] calls out) in probably over a year, or more. Wow... today I kinda feel just like I've been in a gang-fight. Well... the good news is that I won't be waiting that long again to do another full primary class, as I've persuaded Maggie to add 3 early morning classes to her, and my, week. So Monday, Wednesday and Friday's I get to do it all over again... for the next 4 weeks... oh yeah and of course Sundays at 4:30... wish me luck... luck I'll need...

I've been downloading, and am about to watch another TED talk. I've chose this one...

"Vilayanur Ramachandran tells us what brain damage can reveal about the connection between cerebral tissue and the mind, using three startling delusions as examples."
TED.com really is a goldmine for those of you who aren't aware...

This weekend I'll be off to Pops on historic route 66.
Thanks again to Gilles for having been here before and getting me the lo-down on where to go and what to do... maybe Sunday before yoga I'll visit the museum...

Hope you're all doing superfine,

roy

1st assignment of 09 #3

They were 2 huge red-tailed-hawks...
I mean huge, bigger even than you're imagining right now...

They were the largest that Terry (one of the students) has ever seen. I can't say if I've ever seen birds that big before... We were on our way during lunch hour, to get a teddy-bear and a card for Hans. Hans is a wonderful guy, today was his last day at work before major reconstructive knee surgery. The second round in less than 2 years. God bless him...

I spotted these great birds as soon as they were in my field of perception. At first I thought they were eagles, that's how big they were. I suspect they were a couple, they were certainly male and female, one was distinctly more colourful than the other, I saw them perch simultaneously atop neighbouring power lines. They looked like they were scouting a lunch of their own. Perhaps tag-team hunting, maybe trying to find the living relatives of the road-kill racoon we were at that moment, passing... I could see their powerful talons from the pickup as we ambled by ... what a sight...

Terry, who's spent a significant amount of time with the Oklahoma natives, and participated with them in their healing ceremonies and vision quests, was conveying just how sacred and significant a creature the red-tail is...

The teddy-bears were in fact on sale at WalMart... 2 big ones for 20$. We bypassed the end-of-isle sale display to find the bears on the shelf where they normally lived. They were 10$ each. We got Hans a Panda, we told him it was the symbol of the epitome of Chinese good-luck. As far as I'm concerned, the Chinese know their way around luck...

Ricky (one of the FAA engineers) mentioned that Hans regularly brings teddy-bears to kids at the hospital after their own surgeries to pick up their spirits. Ricky suggested that getting Hans a teddy-bear was, for this reason, probably a better idea than getting him a good luck/speedy-recovery cake to be shared over coffee with colleagues. That in addition to the fact that Hans is diabetic...

We got all his colleagues to sign the card and gave it to him along with the Panda, just as he was finishing up his last bit of work for the day, he was clearly touched...
Time is flying by here in OK... I did in fact get to Pops and there's some photos up in the travel set in addition to some pix I took at Zeke's on fight-night 2 weekends ago... you can see my buddies Glen and Denver there too... also a couple of nice early-morning shots leaving CYUL from the plane, in really excellent light... While at Pops on historic route 66, I drank two Irish Creams (soda, not beer), and a root beer (again soda, not beer). These served to wash down a bowl of chili and a really tasty burger. All that prep 'd my senses for an ice cream sunday and a peanut butter cookie and a coffee... Imagine I only needed one meal that day...

I haven't been back to Zeke's... waaay too smokey... I have however been back to the Texas Roadside Grill, right beside my hotel... I've tried almost everything on the menu, it's smokey in a different way (I can imagine the reprimand that this news will generate from my good buddy Gilles)...

I am doing yoga Wednesday, and Friday mornings with Maggie as well as Sunday afternoons, and Tuesday and Thursday lunch-hour yoga with Dr. Avery, the resident PhD mathematician statistician at the FAA. Actually Dr. Avery is not the lunch-hour teacher, she is a colleague of the guys I'm working with and she's a recent yoga convert/fanatic...

Jay is the lunch-hour teacher, he's mid 50's with a background in Judo I think. He's great... the FAA is lucky to have him teaching at their gym... in any case, my yoga mat barely gets a chance to dry out before it's back in service... Oh yeah today I found a great bakery near the yoga studio which opens early enough for me to have an espresso before class and which sells really amazing baked goods (photos to come)... funny... no Strabucks in that part of town... what good is a yoga studio without a Starbucks just a stone's throw away??? What is the world coming to?

I am waking up cheery just moments before my alarm rings, that's a nice change for sure... And I'm enjoying working with the group of guys I've got on this course. I'll likely do a museum visit this weekend (if it's open on President's day long weekend)... let's see if I can get some cool images from inside...

By the power and grace of the American red-tailed hawk, and all else which is divine and sacred, may you be happy and in wonderful spirits and health!
And don't be shy, drop me a line when you can...


roy

1st assignment of 09 #4

Hi gang...
Am currently working on a new written update...
Though if you'd like to see a few updates in the mean time, the travel set has been updated.

Photos of todays lunch include an arugala salad with brie-wrapped apple, encrusted in walnut; and a sweetpotato-mushroom-spinach-stuffed crèpe with sunny-side-up eggs on top... with a duo crème-brulé (one vanilla and the other pumpkin) and a knockout espresso for dessert... not pictured was the excellent Californian pinot-griggio...

I am doing well, I am stuffed and am very busy... I have newfound strength and flexibility (from 4x yoga per week) ... despite also sporting a newfound beachballbelly... life is a dance of balance, is it not? :-)

I've post waaaay too many shots of the Chihuly exhibit, but I found the pieces wonderful and dazzling and didn't feel like resisting (by the way that tower is 55 feet tall)...

Only 3 weeks away from 2nd assignment of 09 (Italy).

miss you all...

enjoy...

roy

1st assignment of 09 #5

My students are stunned, dazed and confused.
Their manager is pleased and thankful... only in America :-)

Actually the students aren't confused at all, they're now quite capable and enthused with newfound software skills. Their manager took time to thoughtfully express his gratitude to me for my hard work and flexibility, and he indicated that he's received feedback that I've done an outstanding job. That goes sooo far for me...

Yeah, that means I'm grateful to receive thanks... :-)

It's mid-afternoon Thursday, tomorrow is the last day of the course, and Saturday I'll be leaving... on a jet plane...
Early Sunday I'll be home again...

Joe!!! Congratulations on your wedding and thanks for sending fabulous photos, they brought a big smile to my face!! You and Nat look great!!

Truth is, it's I whose a bit stunned, dazed and confused. You see, I ate at Del Rancho's today ...

We went to the one in Mustang Oklahoma. Check out the old-school style phone ordering system... really neat... That's Terry (not Vince) putting in the order. Yeah that's a fried steak burger... with a fried okra side...

My dazed state is not due solely to Del Rancho's, there's a fancy little espresso maker here on site as well, and I bought some nice beans for it and have been enjoying 5 to 6 double espressos a day... for the past 4 weeks... bbuuuuzzzzzzzzz...

Those of you in montreal, consider yourselves warned!! Our paths may soon cross...

Thanks to everyone who took some time to write back, it's good to hear from you indeed...

Hope you all are well,
Looking forward to being in touch...

roy

1st assignment of 09 #6

HOME SAFE!!!

Count-down is on... 8 days 'till I leave for Italy...
Wonder if I'll be able to get Chicken-fried-steak over there?
I Might have to settle for somethng less tastey!!

Hope you're all well!!

Roy

i have finished roughly one week's vacation (and am back at work)
i still love cycling (after ~3 year break)
and camping
i've got a great backyard
life is grand
i am grateful to new friends and old
i have a 10 class pass at sattva yoga shala
darby already almost knocked me on my ass (utthita hastpadangussthasana sp??)
he uttered "be careful there" and briskly turned away as i thumped to recover balance and not crash down on the girl next to me doing kurmasana sequence
some things don't change

i am on vacation
i have been reminded about abundance
and about fun
i am grateful
i will turn my attention to writing the novel

I am starting with simple lists once again to ease into regular writing...

almost all my belongings are out of Loren's house
bike stuff persists in her garage... maybe until summer's end
i've got too much stuff to fit in a condo
i know this because i've got too much stuff to fit into an entire 1950's bungalow
i have been continuously shuffling things around and cleaning since returning from Charlotte
i am a bit sad, and lonely
i'm confidant it was the right thing to do
i have made a small start on writing a book

To find a way to begin writing again...

Interview with Shri K. Pattabhi Jois.

http://www.yogasite.com/pattabi%20jois.htm

Intervew with K. Pattabi Jois: Practice Makes Perfect

By Sandra Anderson
(This interview was origially published in 1994)

Just in case the internet fails in maintaining a permanent link...

"Happiness on the face, light in the eyes, a healthy body-these are the signs of a yogi, according to the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, the classic Sanskrit text on hatha yoga. Such a description fits K. Pattabi Jois, who at the age of 78 has the straight spine and smooth face of a much younger man. He laughs easily, beaming when we are introduced in a steamy New York studio, and asks if I would take yoga with him. According to the Pradipika, hatha yoga is taught for the attainment of raja yoga, also known as ashtanga yoga, the complete, eight-limbed path to self-realization, but few emphasize the importance of attaining perfection in posture and breathing as a means of achieving the other limbs as clearly as Jois does.

Born in 1915 in southern India, K. Pattabi Jois met his guru, Krishnamacharya, who was also B. K. Iyengar's teacher, while still a young boy. He has been teaching yoga since 1937, and students from all over the world come to study with him in his home in Mysore, India. He has visited the United States several times, and although this is his first visit to New York, most of the students in this morning's class seem to know the sequence he teaches.

It's hot. The windows are closed, and the already humid air is thick with the labored breathing of 35 sweating bodies. The students groan and sigh. For some, the sequence appears to unfold effortlessly, but still their bodies glisten with sweat. Jois is everywhere encouraging-a hand here, a foot there, a joke wherever it is most needed. He calls out the sequence of postures in a strong deep voice, using their Sanskrit names.

There's no laziness here: only determined hard work and a grace born of strength and flexibility, as the class moves from one posture to the next, pausing only to hold the pose, and linking the postures with a spine-flexing sequence reminiscent of the sun salutation and similarly coordinated with the breath. "Exhale, chatwari (chaturanga dandasana), inhale, pancha (urdhva mukha svanasana)." Jois establishes discipline but tempers it with gentle humor and affection, as he teases students, verbally and physically, into places they didn't realize they could reach.

And if the coaxing, the energy in the room, and the peer pressure aren't enough, there's the heat. In spite of the mats, there's hardly a dry spot left on the crowded hardwood floor at the end of this rigorous two-hour session. The sequence of postures continuously flowing with the breath is designed to stoke the fire of purification-to cleanse the nervous and circulatory systems with discipline and good old-fashioned sweat. "Practice, practice, practice," Jois says later, addressing a small group of students gathered in a loft in Soho. He spoke at length about the method he uses, emphasizing that he has added nothing new to the original teachings of his teacher and the Yoga Sutra.

Where did you learn yoga?
From my guru, Krishnamacharya. I started studying with him in 1927, when I was 12 years old. First he taught me asana and pranayama. Later I studied Sanskrit and advaita philosophy at the Sanskrit College in Mysore and began teaching yoga there in 1937. I became a professor and taught Sanskrit and philosophy at the College for 36 years. I first taught in America in Encinitas, California, in 1975. Now I'm going all over America. I will teach anyone who wants the perfect yoga method-ashtanga yoga-just as my guru taught me.

Do you also teach your Western students Sanskrit?
No, only asana and pranayama. You need Sanskrit to understand the yoga method, but many people, even though they would like to learn Sanskrit, say they have no time. It is very important to understand yoga philosophy: without philosophy, practice is not good, and yoga practice is the starting place for yoga philosophy. Mixing both is actually the best.

What method do you use to teach asana and pranayama?
I teach only ashtanga yoga, the original method given in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra. Ashtanga means "eight-step" yoga: yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, samadhi. The Yoga Sutra says "Tasmin sati svasa prasvasayor gati vicchedah pranayamah (II.49)." First you perfect asana, and then you practice pranayama: you control the inhalation and the exhalation, you regulate the breath, you retain and restrain the breath. After asana is perfected, then pranayama can be perfected. That is the yoga method.

What is perfect asana, and how do you perfect asana?
"Sthira sukham asanam (YS II.46)." Perfect asana means you can sit for three hours with steadiness and happiness, with no trouble. After you take the legs out of the asana, the body is still happy. In the method I teach, there are many asanas, and they work with blood circulation, the breathing system, and the focus of the eyes (to develop concentration). In this method you must be completely flexible and keep the three parts of the body-head, neck, and trunk-in a straight line. If the spinal cord bends, the breathing system is affected. If you want to practice the correct breathing system, you must have a straight spine.

From the muladhara [the chakra at the base of the spine] 72,000 nadis [channels through which prana travels in the subtle body] originate. The nervous system grows from here. All these nadis are dirty and need cleaning. With the yoga method, you use asana and the breathing system to clean the nadis every day. You purify the nadis by sitting in the right posture and practicing every day, inhaling and exhaling, until finally, after a long time, your whole body is strong and your nervous system is perfectly cured. When the nervous system is perfect, the body is strong. Once all the nadis are clean, prana enters the central nadi, called sushumna. For this to happen, you must completely control the anus. You must carefully practice the bandhas-mulabandha, uddiyana bandha, and the others-during asana and pranayama practice. If you practice the method I teach, automatically the bandhas will come. This is the original teaching, the ashtanga yoga method. I've not added anything else. These modern teachings, I don't know. . . I'm an old man!

This method is physically quite demanding. How do you teach someone who is in bad shape physically?

Bad shape is not impossible to work with. The yoga text says that yoga practice makes you lean but strong like an elephant. You have a yogic face. A yogic face is always a smiling face. It means you hear nada, the internal sound, and your eyes are clear. Then you see clearly, and you control bindu [the vital energy sometimes interpreted as sexual energy]. The inner fire unfolds, and the body is free of disease.

There are three types of disease: body disease, mind disease, and nervous system disease. When the mind is diseased, the whole body is diseased. The yoga scriptures say "Manayeva manushanam karanam bandha mokshayoho," the mind is the cause of both bondage and liberation. If the mind is sick and sad, the whole body gets sick, and all is finished. So first you must give medicine to the mind. Mind medicine-that is yoga.

What exactly would mind medicine be?
Yoga practice and the correct breathing system. Practice, practice, practice. That's it. Practice so the nervous system is perfect and the blood circulation is good, which is very important. With good blood circulation, you don't get heart trouble. Controlling the bindu, not wasting your bindu, is also very important. A person is alive by containing the bindu; when the bindu is completely gone, you are a dead man. That's what the scriptures say. By practicing every day, the blood becomes purified, and the mind gradually comes under your control. This is the yogic method. "Yogas chitta vritti nirodhah (YS: I.2)." This means that yoga is control over the modifications of the mind.

We've been talking mostly about yoga practice as asana and pranayama. How important are the first two limbs of ashtanga yoga, the yamas and niyamas?
They are very difficult. If you have a weak mind and a weak body, you have weak principles. The yamas have five limbs: ahimsa [nonviolence], satya [truthfulness], asteya [non-stealing], brahmacharya [continence], and aparigraha [non-possessiveness]. Ahimsa is impossible; also telling the truth is very difficult. The scriptures say speak that truth which is sweet; don't speak truth which hurts. But don't lie, no matter how sweet it sounds. Very difficult. You tell only the sweet truth because he who speaks the unpleasant truth is a dead man.

So, a weak mind means a weak body. That's why you build a good foundation with asana and pranayama, so your body and mind and nervous system are all working; then you work on ahimsa, satya, and the other yamas and niyamas.

What about the other limbs of ashtanga yoga?
Do you teach a method of meditation?
Meditation is dhyana, the seventh step in the ashtanga system. After one step is perfect, then you take the next step. For dhyana, you must sit with a straight back with your eyes closed and focus on the bridge of the nostrils. If you don't do this, you're not centered. If the eyes open and close, so does the mind.

Yoga is 95 percent practical. Only 5 percent is theory. Without practice, it doesn't work; there is no benefit. So you have to practice, following the right method, following the steps one by one. Then it's possible.

The term vinyasa is used to describe what you teach. What does it mean?
Vinyasa means "breathing system." Without vinyasa, don't do asana. When vinyasa is perfect, the mind is under control. That's the main thing-controlling the mind. That's the method Patanjali described. The scriptures say that prana and apana are made equal by keeping the ratio of inhalation and exhalation equal and by following the breath in the nostrils with the mind. If you practice this way, gradually mind comes under control.

Do you teach pranayama in the sitting postures also?
Yes. When padmasana [the lotus sitting posture] is perfect, then you control your anus with mulabandha, and also use the chin lock, jalandrabandha. There are many types of pranayama, but the most important one is kevala kumbhaka, when the fluctuations of the breath-the inhalation and exhalation-are controlled and automatically stop. For this you must practice. Practice, practice, practice. When you practice, new ways of thinking, new thoughts, come in your mind. Lectures sound good; you give a good lecture and everyone says you're so great, but lectures are 991/2 percent not practical. For many years you must practice asana and pranayama. The scriptures say "Practicing a long time with respect and without interruption brings perfection." One year, two years, ten years . . . your entire life long, you practice.

After asana and pranayama are perfect, pratyahara, sense control [the fifth limb of ashtanga yoga], follows. The first four limbs are external exercises: yama, niyama, asana, pranayama. The last four are internal, and they automatically follow when the first four are mastered. Pratyahara means that anywhere you look, you see God. Good mind control gives that capacity, so that when you look, everything you see is Atman (the God within). Then for you the world is colored by God. Whatever you see, you identify it with your Atman. The scriptures say that a true yogi's mind is so absorbed in the lotus feet of the Lord that nothing distracts him, no matter what happens in the external world.

What is your parting advice for those who have a desire to pursue yoga?
Yoga is possible for anybody who really wants it. Yoga is universal. Yoga is not mine. But don't approach yoga with a business mind-looking for worldly gain. If you want to be near God, turn your mind toward God, and practice yoga. As the scriptures say "without yoga practice, how can knowledge give you moksha [liberation]?"

Sandra Anderson is a contributing editor to Yoga International. As a student of yoga she has studied and practiced a variety of approaches to asana over the past decade."

Today this from www.kpjayi.org

News

May 18, 2009
Guruji passed away today at 2:30pm (Indian Standard Time). Thank you for all your condolences and prayers. Please kindly refrain from contacting the family directly at this time.

This is what I sent to friends last week...

Subject: 3rd assignment of 2009 #04

This night I have practiced yoga.
I devoted my practice to Shri Krishna Pattabhi Jois.
http://www.kpjayi.org/biography.html

This man is my teacher's teacher... and he is the teacher of thousands of yogis all over the world. During both my trips to India I had the opportunity to meet him and speak with him leisurly. Before I went to India I had the chance to practice with him when he visited Montreal, in 2001 or 2002...

Recently he has been admited to hospital in ICU.
He is 94 years old.
The full moon is in 2 days.

This is a loose translation of the prayer he offers at the end of practice:

May all be well with mankind
May the leaders of the earth portect in every way by keeping to the right path May there be goodness for those who know the earth to be sacred May all beings be happy

lay down, take rest, smile, wipe your eyes,

for what

saddening
crumbling
fading
turning
insisting
resisting
doubting
hurting
leaving
forgetting
slipping
hardening
not seeing
not knowing
not doing
not adjusting
collapsing
unbecoming
un giving
un birthing
disappointing
missing
waiting
wanting
wallowing
wavering
wasting

the stones of kingsburg beach took your feet away
childlike, fragile, and fallen
in that moment
you laid still and let me close
my spirit soared, my heart broke

This one was tucked into one of my suitcases, and I only discovered it in Italy...
I was very aware of not having a beautiful handwritten gift on the plane to read as I take off...

Oracle

but if i cling to the endorsements of a fool
and grasp at a miracle
I could turn cartwheels on the treetops
and we can be
wonderful like a river

March 2009

with love,
Loren

and I cried, and cried...

i am within you
and also without you

the pain you see in me
is not from a past hurt
but from the present

it is the pain of us not sharing our being
the pain of the absence of communion
the pain of being without you

where is the barrier?
how shall we overcome it?
why i am more lonely when we're together
than when we're apart?
why do i feel like an extraneous accessory?

my heart breaks
and i long for a mutual kindnes and gentleness...
a feeling of *us*

has longing become desperation?
desperation for some super-specific form of kind and gentle connection?
maybe... if so, i fear it has become pathological
i can not be sure (of anything)... this uncertainty is killing me... and killing us
where has our happiness gone?
how can i become certain?

please can you not remember
all those things which hurt you
that I did, that I said
that I didn't say, didn't do

I still trace the map
of our inevitable collision

there is a causway with a
powerline and an osprey
there is still a thin faded rope
down to a hidden beach
there is a new pair of shoes
a polar pool and a thermal bath
a plant coming into flower and a
glass of wine and a peppermill

every time I write a poem for you
I hold you in my heart

loren

January 2009

My Heart Writes...

Tender
Sad
Nostalgic
Sweet
Heartbreaking
Painful

What is this
What do I do with this
What is it going to take to transform (change) this
Everything which does not allow this to transform...
Point of creation, point of destruction

I ache, I ache, I ache...
In my body, my mind, my head and my heart.

I've had a kink in my neck for months now... and for close to 3 weeks I've not been sleeping much at all. The kink is so intense that I feel power in my left arm weaken when I cough or sneeze. Also I suspect that the chest infection I had a month ago wasn't totally taken care of by the Naturalpathic antibiotic I was taking... now I've got a thousand foot rumble in my chest... a very sore throat, sniffles, a killer cough, and terrible pain behind my eyes and sinuses on top of the sore neck.

Sick and uncomfortable with no rest makes for a stressed mind, have had difficulty finding mental balance, or centeredness...

Loren and I had a really aweful Saturday a while back, it was intense and it took the wind right out of our sails, indeed a total downer. It was the kind of thing that signals the end. We got around it by agreeing to go through the holidays as best we can, and to make important relationship descisions after...

After is now... and I really don't know how to proceed... this ache in my heart stems from having lost the will to be in this relationship. From being sure that we now are doing more harm to each other than good and from not having faith that we can overcome it. It seems that all our efforts to change or fix things only bring more pain and suffering to each other. And less mental or emotional stability for either of us... Not fixing it is killing us and trying to fix it is also killing us.

We've been woking hard for close to 20 years, very hard for 10 and very very hard for 5 plus years... the past 2 years for me have brought me very close to serious depression... and now I want health to come to us through a breakup.

I ache for a normal and natural Roy which I know is within me someplace and for companionship which can share and be nourished by it... I have no idea what to do...

Giovanni has, for a few years now, single-handedly upheld our tradition of a last ride of the year on Mt. Royal. Dec. 30 2008 saw him and me and Lisa up for 4 laps on Olmstead ring... it was -6, and -20 with windchill. Gio and I spent some time on the 29th in a 10 degree garage swapping tires... we concluded that there'd be enough ice to merrit riding the studded tires, so we installed all 3 set in preparation... "back to our roots" he said during the ride and during the post-ride snack...

Oysters (2 types, vodka and soy/hot sauce seasoned), smoked salmon bagels and creme cheese, fantastic seasoned sausage sandwiches (with home-made chili paste and preserved sweet peppers) accompanied a couple of cold Beck's beers... sorry no photos...

Thank-you kindly Giovanni for keeping this going and for persisting to get me out to join you...

Polar Stats for 3 laps:
33.56
24.26 In Zone 120-176
167 Average
604/20%
21797 Total

Loren and I had planned to stay in for New Year's eve, though we did end up accepting an invitation to go to Karen's. I went for a 20 minute run in the pm before we left, hoping to loosen up the sinus/chest stuff which has been hanging on...

The run in the cold worked, or maybe it was the vodka and champagne I consumed at Karen's, as new year's day I ended up sick as a dog... coughing and hacking and aching all over... slept all day utill 6PM. Not actually true, because I did wake for a small breakfast around 10:30 am, but did go right back to bed...

Polar Stats for the run:
16.44
16.44 In Zone
159 Ave
273/25%
22070 Total

Got on the rollers last night to break-in my sit bones for tomorrow's traditional year-end calèche-road pedal. Truth-be-told... it's my first participation in 3 years or so...

Polar
24.13 Time
23.16 In Zone (120-170)
149 Average hr
358/30%
21193 Total calories burnt

Cateye
24.17
27.5 Ave
38.0 Max
146.3 Odo
11.13 Distance

Gio's on his way over tonight to do the tires... are we going studded?
We'll see...

All songs selected by itunes Genious fuction, based on my selection of the first track...
This was the music playing while I composed the last 2 entries by the way.

Hard Times, Bill Frisell
Love me or Leave me, Nina Simone
Just the Way You Are, Diana Krall
This Masquerade, George Benson
Be Here to Love Me, Norah Jones
The Girl From Ipanema, Stan Getz
Don't Know Much, Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville
I've Got You Under My Skin, Frank Sinatra
Ferry Cross The Mersey, Pat Metheny
Tennessee Waltz, Patti Page
Goldfinger, Shirley Bassey
Lonesome, Bill Frisell
So What, Miles Davis
Tupelo Honey, Cassandra Wilson
What a Difference a Day Makes, Dinah Washington
Love Me Like A Man, Diana Krall
Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood, Nina Simone
Down The Tube, Medeski, Scofield, Martin & Wood
Don't Know Why, Norah Jones
Goodbye Pork Pie Hat (Live), Joni Mitchell
Stormy Weather, Billie Holiday
I Get Along Without You Very Well, Chet Baker
Fly Me To The Moon, Frank Sinatra
Miles Beyond, Mahavishnu Orchestra
Again, Bill Frisell

A while back I had posted that a previous GAS was going to be our last with Christine...
That was my-bad... This Wednesday, or one Thursday in January will in fact be our last GAS with her...

wow... I can't imagine...

I am dissociated from my life (as I know it)... Loren and I are at a major crossroads...
The longer I remain, the less I'm able to relate to any significance, the less sense it makes, and the less magic there is... it's heartbreaking...

I have modified how I am in the world, in relation to Loren. I've taken to demonstrating some boundaries when I feel things are out of proportion (read: move into the realm of no longer sane). And she has noticed... her interpretation is that I have "left".

I think it's fair to say that giving extra care, or attention has been an integral part to how Loren and I have treated each other over the years, in fact I would call it an intentional and cognitive modus-operandi. My sense of what's going on between us now is that either something has dramatically changed in my capacity to be caring, or in her capacity to perceive it, or both. Or she is interpreting the boundaries I've been demonstrating, as my not willing to care. Again it's heartbreaking because it's precisely because I care that I've changed... trying to get to a healthy place...

Loren explained to me that during a recent phone interaction, "I did not take enough care" with her. That she "requires extra extra extra care". That she felt "I had treated her very harshly".

Oddly, the phone interaction produced positive results, and precisely (I thought) because of how much extra care I had given it. I thought she was aware that I was being firm, sensitive, tender and compassionate. I even thought she was grateful... during the postmortem I learned that was far from her perception...

"When nothing makes any sense, you got a reason to cry"

Lucinda Williams

The things I have to do to save a realtionship!

See here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3064944109/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3065783560/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3064945955/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3064947887/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3065787296/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3065785290/in/photostream/

Ref:
"ROY! Do NOT come home if you have not had the pretzels!. I am so serious. This will put a serious strain on our friendship!!! You will not develop the depth of character I need to engage me, if you do not have this experience.

Piece out.

Best regards,

Colin"

I'll be staying in Lutzerath this evening and doing an early moring ride to Luxemburg tomorrow...

Well...
It's early Thursday evening, and I've got that feeling like the trip is over (even though I fly Saturday morning)... and arrive Saturday evening...

This partly due to the to the rush happening in the class and partly due to the relaxed work ethic our client has for Fridays... can you say Fleischwurst? (which accoring to Alex consists of fat, water and seasoning). Though Marcus does go get it fresh from the butcher... it's still warm when we cut it open...

Since my flight is quite early Saturday, I'm thinking instead of leaving Lutzerath very very early that day, I'll drive to Luxemburg Friday late afternoon and get a hotel near the airport. Perhaps on the way I'll have the opportunity to do the baths at Bad Bertrich...

Much of Germany has been cloaked in dark, or in fog (or both) for the duration of my stay (driving after 16:30 is not so visually captivating) and site-seeing is a little challenged... and this the no camera on site regulation, has translated into very few photos taken during this trip (except for food and drink).

Just enough daylight to take photos of my Renault Megane station wagon for Gilles...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3063907418/

Will I be in a town big enough (and for long enough) to send post cards?? Who can say...

I've got new socks and a new suitcase... see:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3063073617/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3063911226/in/photostream/

The suitcase was necessary, as I exceeded the weight limit with my one case on the way in, and I've got a few bottles of Mosel wine returning with me... so... new suitcase!! I've spent about as much as I suspect the overweight charge would have been, rather have a new (free) suitcase then pay a penalty...

This client has sent trainees to Montreal before (2004-ish and earlier in 2008), so this was another opportunity to see people I've met previously. I get that chance once in a while... it's a nice perk.

Even though I miss the smartcar, I've really enjoyed the commute while here... German roads are in a class of their own... and so few speed limits!
The Megane is also quite a confortable ride...

So, it's time to get into travel mind-set... do I pack entirely tonight or leave some for afterwork tomorrow?

2 weeks passes sooo quickly...

Hope you're all well...

northstar has shifted
moons scattered, orbits have slid

where are you my Love...
where am I?

Splendid dream 2 nights ago..
After some time of a magnificent experience in which I was having sex (sort-of), I received a healing treatment... Before the treatment started, I was given a vision... I observed the significance of the sex-like interaction actually take form, as an impregnated field of merging of energies.

At different times during the treatment (not during the sex-like part) it felt like I was with some of the people who have healed me, Karen, Hilary, Jivan, Ray, and Hart... it was very intensive (and true to actual healing not entirely comfortable, or pleasant)... I knew I was being changed... felt like I was being tuned up, perhaps even upgraded.

I woke up clear, and expansive...
And grateful...

As Neo points out in #2 in his conversation with The Architect "...the problem is choice..."

Loren has been asking me, over the phone while I'm here in Germany, how I feel about us...

It's a difficult question to answer. Last night my answer was, that it's hard to say, since we've really been through the ringer with Henri, I mean really. And we've spent very little time together since our wonderful treatment with Karen (Loren travelled to visit her folks). That session was quite restorative, in that it cleared us both of a depressive state. I don't have the impression it brought us closer together, though it feels like it removed obstacles to getting closer.

So it looks like it comes down to choice...
I am ready to choose a life which is healthy and balanced and clear, and I am not sure if that translates into a life in a relationship with Loren... as strange and painful as that is to consider...

Why uncertainty to (re) commit?
I am not really sure, though I do find it inappropriate to discard the observations (knowings) I've had over the past year or so. Also, I have no previous similiar experiences to refer to as references...

I am totally alone with this... Life is practice, but for what?

In a way my situation is wonderful... yet and terrifying and torturous...

(sent today the 23rd)

So it my 2nd (and last for this trip) Sunday in Germany...
The days have been full (though not as full as the production expert who has been up late testing things before he presents them for the first time), and at this site, no internet access... all the emailing I do happen after hours...

As usual I'm spending most of my free time eating (as some of you have noted based on the photos). I wouldn't be surprised if I've been gaining weight at the rate of a-pound-a-day, no joke...

I have however stumbled on to something quite fascinating... I've discovered how to turn a yoga practice into a weight/resistance training regime... maybe I could market this a fitness method and make millions... lookout Bikram!!! It's Sunday morning and I actually did get around to some time on the yoga mat... man is it ever apparent how a little extra weight translates into a lot more work doing the postures...

The Wine tasting on Friday was a real treat!! One of my German colleagues brought us to his cousin's familly's vinyard for tasting and a cave visit. It was in a small village (where my colleague currently lives and grew up) and also real pretty... The village is called Ediger-Eller, and he droves us out of there by the small roads... I think he was surprised by the weight of 2 Canadians in his car... I think he couldn't drive as fast as he'd been hoping... http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3049903427/in/set-72157609067088990/

Despite Gilles urging I did not get out to Köln... it is too far for a day trip for me...

I did get to Koblentz Saturday though. Drove up with Seb and he and I wandered around the city where my Grandfather was born... got some pictures to show him of his birthplace when I get home... including the Koblentz-cobblestones... http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3049835913/in/set-72157609067088990/

It snowed Friday... the rental car doesn't have winter tires, or a scraper/snowbrush... Saturday morning I borrowed a small scraper from the Grand-Dame of the Hotel Mass this morning... she walked me to her car out back to fetch it, and her very old (and quite posessive) dog was very concerned about me being in his territory with his owner... he was barking and even mock-biting me as I waited for her to emerge from digging around in her car... I was tempted to pull a Caesar Milan open finger poke on him...

Got some sweet treats and headed off to Ulmen to pick up Seb... I shared them with the hotel staff (all family). They were very appreciative... (big doughy balls just like sugar donuts) It was a real treat for me too... the Grandmother at that hotel really reminds me of my own Grandmother. And my Grandmother was a really special person, and I loved her dearly. Speaking of bakeries...

I'm very sorry to say Colin, that it is proving very difficult to arrange a Warm Pretzel Breakfast... turns out in Bavaria it would be quite simple... round here though no so... the little bakery near the hotel does pretzels, though not with salt...

I did the driving (to Koblenz) the car was fine on the expressways (no snow)... and we did listen to 2 different SAT/NAV systems guide us right to the city center parking... Quite a few Thai-Massage places there (and jewelry shops and optic shops and Apotechs-pharmacies)... and a really well-stocked shop selling Tibetan and Asian imports... the largest collection of singing bowls I've ever seen (and in fact some of the largest bowls I've ever seen too)... and some really nice gongs... was playing one, which had a wonderful low tone when you got up close to it... wish I had a spare 1800$ cdn to scoop it up... and how exactly would I ship a heavy brass disc 1M in radius??

So for those of you who had a hard time reading Gilles drawing of room A1...
Ref: http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3052576184/

First of all in his defence, Gilles started to draw a cross-section scetch starting with the roof... then he switched to top-view for the floorplan... it's almost impossible to read if you didn't know that (so ignore the roof)...

In the travels set on flickr I've uploaded some photos of the room... including the hotel's own floor plan of the top floor/Room A1. http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/3050601060/in/set-72157609067088990/

Actually Gilles was quite accurate... I wonder if he remembered that the entire hotel was not exactly square?? There's also more food updates... no shots of Glhüwein, or saussage treats at the Christmas fair in Koblenz... and more shots of my goofy mug enjoying myself in Germany...

While wandering around Koblenz drinking Glhüwein (hot mulled wine) and fresh-grilled saussage treats (Christmas-themed fairs go up in towns all accross Germany), I realized that I'm away from home at a strange time of year... This is when people start shifting to the holiday season mode, the end of year mode. I'm not sure I've ever been away from home at this time... it's kind of strange not being in my usual home-routine this time of year...

I won't have a lot of time to experience my year winding down, and mind mind and spirit looking forward to the next one... it'll be an excellerated year-end for me this year...

Seems I can't tune into a radio station with out hearing this song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id4NrISYNwA (video with audio, a live performance)
Quite catchy, she's got a wonderful voice... if it's not that song, it's Ah-Ha, or Tears For Fears, or Rick Ashley, or some other 80's tune. Seems Germany is fixed on the 80's... and not on any traditional Christmas-type music...

For all the shots: http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/

I hope you're all well and are keeping out of trouble!!

roy


P.S.
Thanks kindly for sending along some of your own comments and updates and photos!!

(sent on the 17th)

Hiya yous-all!!

I've got company on this trip... not usually the case when I travel, typically I go solo. Currently I've got 3 colleagues here, and a fourth is arriving Tuesday. Once the fourth arrives, I may get around to more serious wine sampling, as he a bit of an oenophile... hope there's time. These colleagues are top engineers and they are very busy supporting this project, so sacrifices may have to be made... we'll see...
The others are staying in Ulmen, different village...

Saturday and Sunday spent most of the day working, and am now quite tired.
Saturday late lunch in the form of Donner, very popular here as in the UK... sorry no pictures...
Sunday we got out to Cochem for lunch which I did get photos for, and dinner and a couple of beers as well at my colleague's hotel, also with photos...

Picked up a few affordable bottles of white Mosel wine in Cochem (apparently not know for it's wine)... I know this because the guys alughed at me when I told them... some tasting will likely happen tonight. Oh... those soft-boiled eggs served at breakfast are really delicious!!

Eyes are sore and throat as well, and still have a cough... what would it take to clear this up?
Me and TomTom (GPS/SATNAV) are getting on pretty well... she's speaking English and can get me where I need to go with surprising ease most of the time (just taking liberties Gilles!!).

Day one of the training session is over... Sebastian is doing fine...

Have got to find a bank which handles either my debit card or my company's corporate credit card, to get cash...
3 different ATM's so far, no luck. By far of the countries I've been to, I've had the easiest time using my debit card in India. More success there than USA even... did I not learn my lesson in Tokyo??

The good news is that we're respecting the client's schedule and we should be finished early enough in the day, so that some sight-seeing, or maybe even some rest will be possible. Weather here is much like Montreal right now, gray perhaps a little colder in the morning. This morning the dew was frozen on the pavement... the landscape at 07:30 was dew and frost laden do to the fog which hangs around. Maybe pictures tomorrow...

Pictures of lunch will likely not happen, as cameras are not allowed on site...
That's a shame because it's a really interesting lunch environment.

I am loving my commute... about 7 minutes accross beatiful countryside... if there happens to be congestion at the site gate the time may double (though theoretically the commute is over by that point).

I am certainly eating my fair share of pork (no doubt Lutzerath's literal life-blood).

I like Germany.

Photostream updated:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/orbyroy/
Hope you're all well...

roy

Hey amigos...

So yeah, this time I had a map (thanks again Gilles), but did I look at it enough before leaving???
No... not at all...

On the suggestion of our project manager I rented a GPS/SATNAV for the car...
With less than 90 seconds to familiarize myself with it, (and with less time than that route planning with the actual map) I started off!!

To where?? Trier of course (thanks again Gilles)... I had flown from Montreal to Luxembourg through Zurich...
And now from Luxembourg to Lutzerath, through Trier... I had no idea how to even exit the airport...

Well I had figured that I'd be able to change the language on the GPS/SATNAV ( I am after all a systems engineer)... but the sub 90 second prep-time yeiled no resutlts... So I accepted the active default language, Itallian (go figure)... Sinistra, is left, I think... adretta, right... maybe, oy is and (perhaps??) and other words which I'm sure meant "you went the wrong way again idiot"

Well before I realized that by mistake I had it set to give directions to return me to the airport, it made getting out of the airport very difficult, and kinda frustrating in sort of a loop-di-loop fashon... especially when simply reading the highway signs would have easily gotten me to Trier...

Then, once i figured how to activate a programmed destination, it defaulted to the fastest route (not the prettiest). This didn't suite me, as I had intended to drive to Lutzerath via the Mosel Valley... Following in Itallion I got myselfe to Trier...

After Trier... my solution was to set the destination to very close villages along the Mosel, and either reprogram it as I arrive, or continue along the valley...

In the latter case listening to the the system find new ways to get me back to the old (surpassed) destination, and continue to insult my driving/orientation competancies...

Well not 20 minutes folowing the Mosel north (I thought) it dribbled to a small stream, then creek, then kinda a broad marsh... All the while on really spectacular roads... This was decidedly not the way it looked though when I pre-visualized the trip on GoogleEarth... Not travelling the the right direction for sure...

Imagine my surprise, when I finally got it speaking english, programmed it for Lutzerath, and relaxed my exigence on the pretty route, when I got on the major highway and I saw signs to Trier, and Luxemberg... I had been heading south-ish???!!! WTF???

Any how...
Got myself to Lutzerath (which is apparently very near the Nuremberg Ring Course, see (for historical reference), booked into A1 at Hotel Maas, and had a wonderful meal (including some really nice glasses of Mosel white wine)... well on my way to gaining 10 pounds in 2 weeks for sure... I even said hi to Steffie for Gilles...

I've decided instead of swamping your inboxes with attachments, you all can visit my flickr page, found here.

And in particular the Travels set. which currently has entries from this trip only... once back to Montreal I'll upadate it with other destinations...

Engaged friends, enjoy, marrying friends enjoy even more!!! Single friends enjoy even even more!!!!
All the rest of you...

BeWellStayOuttaTrouble!!!

And keep in touch...

V, send my your phone number and I'll be sure to call you when I get back!!

P.S.
This reminder from Gilles who is a wealth of world history (and reams of other old-world knowledge), who received a quick preview of my story...

"GPS in Italiano?
No wonder ragazzo, you’re on the march of the Holy Roman Empire !
The Germanic tribes that Romans called Marcomanni, who battled the Romans in the 1st and 2nd centuries were simply the "men of the borderlands." Constantin left Augusta Treverorum and the Mosella to found Constantinopolis in 330, remember?"

I wish I had...

Love ,

roy

Sent to friends Tuesday past...

Hi again y'all...

So Tuesday (today) is my last working day before I travel... Going to take Wednesday off, and I travel Thursday.

For the yoga-gang, this means our weekly gathering will resume December 3rd.

My low-level cough has turned into a full-fledged infection... This despite sleeping in late for one week+ to get rest. That just sucks... To get sick before travel. I've started a natural anti-biotic and big doses of vitamin c so it should be cleared up soon. I've even reduced coffee...

Loren is still out of town (maybe back today??), so this morning was extra-long at home to clean the kitchen and prepare the house for her...

Gilles has made another significant suggestion, he's recommended that I visit Bad Bertrich (traditional water therapy) for a soak. One of my favorite pass-times (thermal bathing). I think it's close enough, no (see link) ?

http://maps.google.com/maps?saddr=Lutzerath%2C%20Germany&daddr=50.0702777778%2C7.03268333333%20(%22Water-cure%20Establishment%22)&ie=utf-8&v=2.2&cv=4.2.0205.5730&hl=en

So (surprisingly) I've received flack about my comments about Germany's food, wine and Mozel valley's beauty.

Really folks I understand that I'm in for a treat with all of this...

I'm sorry if my comments (humour) sounded rude arrogant and ignorant: :-) I have to reconsider my delivery I guess. And maybe also my…

…timing… :-)

Or maybe just my humour itself… Or maybe just myself itself…

More good news... Gilles says the bakery just a few doors down will have warm breakfast pretzels, this is an experience Colin insists I have... I've never been to Germany, and am really excited about this trip. I'm planning to stop in Trier on my way down the Mozel. Maybe some of the first photos will be of Tasty Trier luncheon treats... we'll see...

The security officer here at work yesterday reminded me about picking up my new passport.

How did I forget that?!!!

Today, being remembrance day, the passport office is closed and I would have had to do it on Wednesday... I had been planning to chill Wednesday, not rush all over the city running errands...

Last minute efforts getting hardware, software and data to carry and install on site... oh yeah the final version of the software isn't ready yet... I might have to make a special trip to work on a day off to collect the latest-and-greatest...

Sugamoto-San, arigato gozai-mas for the photos you sent through Claude, what a treat bumping into Tokyo friends here in Montreal!!

Aunt V,send me your phone number so I can call before I leave!!!!

BeWellStayOuttaTrouble!!!

roy

Loren's on her way to see her folks...
I hope she's got what it takes to have a nice trip. Slim chance that she and Christine will hook up for pizza. Funny opportunity that'd be!

Going to chill this weekend...

Hi friends!
My appologies to all of you who I don't make enough time to see, email, or talk with...
This is about the best I can do to keep in touch with such a large and diverse gang...

Aunt Viv, please send me your phone number!!!

So my next assignment is officialy upon me...
I'm leaving shortly (days) for Buchel Germany via Zurich and Luxemburg.

Through Zurich as that's the popular way to Luxemburg with Swiss Air, and to Luxemburg because I've blindly taken the council of my good friend and colleage Gilles, to drive to Buchel from there. He's guessing about 3 hours I'm guessing about 4+. We'll see...

Worst case scenario is that you'll be receiving lots of photos of my drive along the Mozel river valley... apparently it's god-awful ugly landscpe... :-)

I've also taken Gille's lead on hotel selection, he's forbidden me to travel to this location and not stay at this particualr hotel in this particular room...

http://www.hotel-maas.de/index.php?site=hotel&lang=en&fsize=n0.0

See attached photo for a reference to the room I'll be staying in (thanks Gilles)...

For this trip, I am supporting one of our top production guys, I'm not teaching, we're in a phase of deploying new technology, and I'm smack-dab in the middle. Which is better than being 2+ years behind our lead engineers (the way it's traditinally happened around here).

The bad news is that I know Germany is not really known for it's food and wine so I may not have many pictures/stories relating to any of the out-of-this-world meals I'll be having... ;-)

It's been far too long since I've been in contact with many of you... hope you're all well!!

Please drop me a line with a bit of your news!!

Hotel Maas

Last Friday...
Excellent show...
Glen Heather Mitch and me at the Metropolice

Wow what a week (last)...
Tough Monday and Tuesday...
Wednesday Thursday and Friday morning also really heavy, and then a lunchtime appointment with Karen for Loren and I. A long-awaited healing, cleared a big dark cloud away for both of us...

This week started in a bit of a rush with the passport... I though I was good for another 2 years... Well on to the fine points of last minute preparation... Here's hoping that aeroplan will have some availability for Loren to travel... going to wait until I'm in Germany to book this time...

She's going to relocate to Costa-Rica... and will likely be there by January...
She'll be joining us tonight, and it may be the last time we'll have the opportunity to have her there...

I'm thinking that I should put the entire primay series on the stereo and have all the gang go through it as much as possible, with Christine at the front for visual reference...

Off with a bang no?

heart...
last session with Henri was a bit of a car crash...
he basically assessed us both as ambivalent towards the relationship and each other, I couldn't find a way to disagree. Which was heartbreaking...
Then it went down-hill... tensions were high and things got confrontational...
This is the most significant and longest state of indecision and confusion I've encountered in my entire life (with the exception of puberty I guess)... it's killing me (and Loren).

In a way I was hoping that sharing the details of my current emotional crisis, would spur us on to some sort of new heights and sober us up a bit and create some tenderness and healing...

We're likely not going to see Henri again and we'll try to get some help with Karen, she's been kind enough to offer...

Last Thursday night while driving to get saussages and pick up the smart with it's new winter tires, I had a bit of a break-down... I went into a "I can't do this anymore" trip. Then I remembered, can't means won't, then I realized what I was considering and I cried, and cried... oddly as Bill Frisell was playing Hard Times Come Again no More... heavy moment.

Heavy day Friday as well... quite dissociated from my duties and my regular mind...

Heavy weekend after trying to share with Loren the subtleties of the crisis.

Though we did have some nice moments, including an enjoyable walk on Mt. Royal with Santosh, her name kept pinging my heart...

On the phone with christine, she said:
"...let's get together sometime soon, because soon there's going to be no time..."

295 tonight it was me and Gilles...
We're officially gathering on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays.
Colin was busy at the shop... and he hasn't even started (accepted) the 50,000 vase order... Christine still doing Spanish lessons... Charles still travelling the world...

Gilles brought black-bean Mexican rolls, and I did grilled Halibut, we had some Organic blue corn chips and some Mrs. Renfro's habanero salsa...
One of the first nights with no cheese... light in a way...
Nice chat about work love and relationships...

Last week (Gilles Colin and me) we played desert island 5... I've been meaning to post the results... the record of the results are lost on my desk at work... Gilles and I passed on the opportunity to replay until Colin was back, so perhaps next week...

Tonight Gilles and I did 5 and 5, followed by the first 6 standing poses, then rest...
Only we did 6 reps with the first pose and worked our way down to one rep. Padangusthasana 6 times, padahasthasana 5 times, trikonasana 4 times etc...
Quite exhausting... nice relaxation... the more you apply yourself to asana, the better the refreshments taste afterwards :-)

Recent evening practice has bee typically 3 and 3 and the final poses (padmasana not hapenning since Helsinki in August... going to try to add 1 and 3 to a morning practice and perhaps 10 minute sit... we'll see...

Henri is certainly is (atmittedly) kindred spirits with Loren regarding my communication methods... He all but cringes when I speak more than yes or no answers, he's got a funny nervous tic when I speak, he kind of cocks, or twists his head to the side and his face looks as if he's in pain... kinda funny and alarming at the same time...

Most of the subtilty I percieive is off the charts for him gets and gets little attention during the sessions... I have acknowledged these things as part of my contribution to what is challenging for Loren and me...

How is he going to help bridge a gap when he discards significant observations and subtle reflections and distinctions?? How can I express these important distinctions in simpler language??

Henri's radar seems tuned to the gross... Though he's made some excellent observations and has pointed out usefull comments about depandancies Loren and I share... though not much input merriting the term theraputic... when he's not asking simple questions, and offers insight, he lacks conviction, and appears to be skating, not a reassuring feelng...

The 2 sessions I've done with Loren with one of her own therapists seemed to be much more in tune with the subtler aspects of our relationship. And much more productive... Today another of Loren's own therapists suggested that we ask Henri for his opinion regarding our prospects...

So far Henri's suggestions (after we ask him to outline possible suggestions for how to proceed with each other to ease our tension) have been to accentuate the positive, and to steer clear of trying to connect in ways which have been failing us... brillant suggestion... wish I'd thought of that... wish I'd been trying to bring this about for the last 5 years... though, maybe since Henri suggested it, Loren won't automaticlly shut it down... hate to use this term here, but...
we'll see...

Small gang last night, Colin, Gilles and me...
They they wanted a short but vigorous session. I asked Colin to pick a number between 0 and 12, he chose 9. So we did 6 sun-sals and 9 repetitions of the warrior sequence (from utkatasana to virabadrasana 2...
Then rest... wow! What a session...
Rested to Frautres by Arvo Part... absolutely wonderful wrap-up...

Stillton, 3 creme brie, avocado, good breads, salmon, tomatos, IPAs and Gilles brought a small bottle of Porto... isn't yoga wonderful?

sent him a message to check in with him, had the feeling he was having a tough time...

"your intuitions are sound old friend. my good friend and colluague david lost his wife to cancer this weekend which was not entirely unexpected; Sher and david ran the company together which has been losing money and going down the proverbial tubes for a while;
So my future (at that job) is most uncertain; We're dealling with a tragic loss and facing some big chnages; Part of the reason I took the trip solo was to remind myself that I have certain strengths and problem solving skills that we sometimes forget we have if not forced to use them.
thanks you for the birthday wishes
I love you Roy

take care"
c

His mother deid...
Bye Aunt Jerry.
God bless...
Just lit a candle, and John Hyatt singing River Knows your name...

'...Good thing Mom doesn't like to cook on high..."

Spoken by Don describing the soup which had been simmering on Jerry's stove.

We had a laugh at that...

Jerry passed in her adorable home in her favorite chair.

Well...
Been a while...
So much is going on, how to find the time and an appropriate way to write about it...

The Italy assignment has been canceled. And by extension, so has (had) our Italian vacation. The assignment has been pushed to 09, March-ish. When I got the news for some reason Loren and I automatically abandoned our plans to take an extra week for ourselves there. However, it looks like a go for Germany. So my assignment is 2 weeks in Germany instead of 4 in Italy... What stops me from flying to Italy after my stint in Germany is over????

N o t h i n g ! ! !

So I'll fly Loren to Italy for the second week of my German thing, she'll do the ufuzzi etc, and then I'll meet her in Florence for the week after that!!! I booked her tickets yesterday... Haven't told her yet she's going to have to overnight in Frankfurt...

Gilles has just left... was the 2 of us tonight, Colin was in Toronto, Charles still traveling the world... well OK so he's in Oklahoma City... Jace taking advantage of the spectacular weather to do some blading... Glen not yet into a south shore mid-week venture...

Salmon salad and a peanut pasta, and some very tasty gravlox made by a student chef... and a couple of IPAs.

We let David Swenson talk us up to upvishtakonasana... it's been a very long time since I've practiced even as far as navasana, and Gilles has never practiced beyond that... wonderful practice...

Work with Henri is turning out to be anything but therapeutic... he's made a couple of very sketchy comments... during the last visit he actually asked Loren if she was completely crazy. WTF??? 1st of all, not particularly professional, second of all he should know the answer by now!!! And after 5-ish visits is still in gathering (info) mode??? Not sure where the benefits of time with him will come from... Still kind of curious, though, it's not particularly affordable and so far it's seemed to have quite a depressive effect on both of us... he's still finding ways to express his anger at Loren father... I guess it's working for 1 of the three of us...

Spent a nice weekend up with Hannah and Colin at Patrix...
Scattered Madeline's ashes along the steps down to the dock... was special to be with Colin for that. I'll avoid mentioning the bad shit that went down after Zen crapped on the carpet, and from how the weekend almost ended as it had started... with someone stepping in shit.

Hooked up with Jace last night for the initial screening of M60 "... in a Montreal minute..." and ran into Margaret, on of my college teachers, thanks to her I got in...

Approaching 2 am... (written Thursday night)

Really, if bad lanugage offends you, do not continue reading...

Just heard back from an old friend. He and I worked together in the early 90's. Loren and I nic-named him Spawn of Satan. I've removed some specifics which I don't want to publish to the internet at large. But fundamentally it's his exact email.

I find this note quite touching...

R O Y fucking L A S T N A M E ! (looks to the sky for a sign, is it end of days? speak to me oh lord, the wicked walk earth (liberals) and I am outta scotch, this is NOT good)

How the fuck are you my brother? I was in Montreal 2 weeks ago and thought of you (yes I had my clothes on at the time, but not for long of course, the horror the horror)

I am very much alive and kicking, "kick at the darkness until it bleeds daylight" as Bruce Cockburn would say.

Presently living in a small town with a new babe in a house built in 1893, see it here weblink Almost an acre in the middle of town, 4 regular town lots with a full sized barn in the backyard (we do strange things in it), the neighbours are very confused, "where are your parents" they ask. Its old and cold like my heart, 10 foot ceilings, I love it. Driving a jeep these days, loving it, burns almost as much gas as my buddys hummer, die planet die! It's maxed out with 1/4 inch plate steel armor on the bottom for protection from rocks and shit and YES I do offroad the bitch!

Last woman betrayed me (fuck she was hot and 13 years younger than me, gave head like you cant imagine) and stoled 5 years from me, yet I endure 'not get old' as Buddy Holly would say. I was down hard for a bit but Im back. Stangely we are still friends, Im a fool for love I guess. She begged to get back together several times, sorry sister that boat has sailed.

What the hell have you been up to? Still at the engineering company? Still with that uber sexy teacher lady? I always found her very attractive, Loren I think, I remember her frightened agoraphobic stagger at the corporate party, "Roy hold me!" Good times!

I'm still self employed (christ 7 years now) doing the porn and other stuff. Working with some doctors selling health stuff for detoxing heavy metals, blasting gallstones, and helping autistic kids and fat people. Hell I actually have a manufacturing company and make a product that no one in Canada makes! ( weblink gay ass site but I have a serious product that sells like mad, prescription only in the US tons of US sales and european, and strangely lots of sales in Turkey, no idea why but I cash the cheques) Made a fucking HUGE bucket of money, blew it all (mostly, by christ it was a fun ride, sports cars, partys, trips, etc) and now I live a humble life with a dirty woman. She's a flight attendant, and yes all the stories you've heard about them are more than true. The sexual stuff is insane, who will play me in the movie?

check out this bad boy in front of my fucking HUGE house (that house and car both gone now, sigh). Yes those are pics of my current lady :) all the car pics are here weblink

FUCK THE WORLD! (did you see the ass on my girl, jesus its FINE!)

(by christ you better vote PC)

I hope this email finds you in good health

Kris

note: we are getting old brother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im 43, cock is hard all day, do you still have those massive (fuck I cant remember the name of your cycling team) legs!?

Italy appears as if it'll be postponed to 09. Likely won't be scheduled at such a fantastic time for visiting and vacation. Going to check for aeroplan constraints just in case it goes on as planned. Looks likely that Loren and I won't be able to vacation as we had expected, drag...

Saw Christine Tuesday night for dinner at home, she brought her Costa-Rica book to show. AND APEACH PIE!!!
We had cheese and bread and Loren made a salmon soup and rice and bean salad. We opened a bottle of Nino-Fanco and had a really nice time...

Saw Glen (not cousin Glen) Wednesday night...
We figured out it had bee just about a year since we last saw each other. Visited his new apartment in Westmount (around the corner from cousin Glens's last apartment) and then hit the road... Beer and a burger at the Claremont, then a coffee and finally back to his place so we could watch Jill Bolte Taylor's TED talk. He picked up some spiced pecans for Carla and I got 4 ginger molasses cookies for Loren. He lent me Zatoichi, and Loren and I watched it last night. Wonderful film with just the right amount of quirkiness. He's taken up classical guitar, and cites me as a source of inspiration. Touching...

Had a wonderful visit with Karen Thursday morning, and an excellent asana session Thursday night. Small gang; Gilles Colin and me. Charles is on the road, Christine is now teaching, and Jace had a friend in from out of town. Also great post-asana treats, cheeses, breads, spreads, samosas, salmon, and that very tasty L'Alchemist IPA (from Joliette). Yum yum... It was the first session in a long time where we actually got around to some seated postures. Did up to Janu-C. It was a lot of work... everybody had the trembles afterwards.

Spent lots of time at work with Gilles at work getting initial exposure to our new technology. Looks quite likely that I may get to go to Germany for a couple of weeks at the end of October. It's a big deal for the company...

Massive attack Collar Stays On playing on the ipod as I type...

Got the eco-rebate for the Smart... just in time too. Property taxes and school taxes have put me through the ringer. Now I've got Loren paid off for a small rolling debt that's been accumulating. Feels great. Though the moon-roof on the Smart gone off the rails and is now not functional. I'll likely wait until the first check-up to have it fixed...

And of course Monday night, with Henri.
Wow... some Big Stuff has been coming out of those sessions...
During the last few minutes of the session, one of those unexpected things happened... on a tangent your partner starts explaining their feelings... and your brain can't believe what it's hearing (because the feelings are buried in blame), but it hardly matters anyway as your heart and soul get torn out of place... and you're reeling as the universe (and all the worlds??) reassembles...

Spent the rest of the week in a bit of a daze...
I've been dazed before, and it's not that problematic as long as you don't take life too seriously.
Loren and I finally got around to talking about it today (Sunday night as the time of writing). The situation is quite settled, as I get the emotional place she was coming from when she opened up, but am still a bit alarmed by her perception, and by the summary. Then we took Zen for a walk and I got myself over to 295 for an early start to the week with 1:08 (minutes) of surya namaskar. So much sweat that I get that birthing/drowning feeling, it's wonderful.

Blue corn chips and Mrs. Renfro's salsa-verde, a cold beer (Sleeman 20) and a fruit bowl (pineapple and strawberries with a little brown sugar and creme) for dessert.

Again... it's late...

Ended up Colin and Jace and me...
Colin and Jace just left (written Thursday night)... Gilles couldn't make it in the end. Still busy with David I guess, which is great because he loves that child. Colin and Jace did pick up the bass (Glen's old Yamaha) and Gilles' amp so...
We did asanas then we ate and then we played music!!
Well ok... so we jammed...

Was fun... no real spectacular moments, though a couple of nice grooves, and cool quirky jam-odd-time phrasings. Colin on bass mostly and Jeromy on guitar... then they switched it up for a bit, but Jace is great as improv front guy, and can't really get that far out there on bass (at least not with me as the time keeper).

Just the other day I was thinking that it was about time that the music room had some other players in there... vois-les...

Last night (Wednesday night) on the eve of the Ganesha festival/celebrations I did my 1:08 (hours:minutes) sun sal session. That was the routine a while ago (wednesday nights), and I think I'm going to get back to it. Then maybe add the Sunday night, like before. Trying to get a more than twice a week practice happenning and soften this body up a bit.

Tuesday night with Henri. Not bad, not good. He seems to be concerned about how I speak, in terms of my over intellectualizing and labouring over details in vocabulary. He also seems to not be fond of my trying to be precise about adjectives.

Well fond... he's suggested that my reluctance to accept his summaries of situations has to do with me trying to keep him at a distance. Funny because my suggestion that it's manefestation of a deep desire to get on the same page (to get him closer). I guess I'm going to have to back off, ease up and accept his vocabulary for a while and see where it goes. I'm not sure if Loren is buying it (him) either, we'll see. We may not be buying it, but were sure enough paying for it.

Am tasked with develloping a new course...
Slightly challenging, it's very early in the game and difficult to see where our technology is headed...

Have I mentioned Italy??
Am currently scheduled to be there (umbria) for a 4 week assignment... I'm keeping my fingers crossed... maybe Loren will join me... maybe we can have white truffles at the same place Colin and Hannah ate at... and maybe even the same B&B.... I'm excited!!

Kitchen is clean... time to rest...
OK so it was time to rest long ago...

Labour day weekend is coming to a close (Sunday night time of writing)...
Probably would not be an exaggeration to say I slept more than half of it. I needed rest...

It really felt like time away from work, a mini vacation. It's the first weekend in a while where I won't have to be in class the following work day. The 2 week assignment with the Chinese is over, and the week before that was Helsinki. Quite a stretch it's been...

This week I'll get the expenses claim done, make a dentist appointment (my lower-left wisdom tooth broke 2 days before Helsinki), maybe an appointment with Sophia, or Susan. 2 new therapists I've been trying to see. Oh yeah and Henri tomorrow night. I've got to get on top of the upcomming Italy assignment, and follow up with Gilles on his last week in the production department participating on a working training session with our production department and a client.

No shortage of work or things to get done... which reminds me I forgot to put the fireplace chimney collar back in place. Which is yet another good reminder to find my school tax documents, I may be late on a payment... and that the gutters at 295 are in need of flushing...

Loren was chatting with her dad today. He's starting to get into the end of cottage season mind-set, which is commendable for someone in his condition and who's been through as much as he has this summer. He likely doesn't think this will be his last season cottaging... might be a hard year for Loren and her family.

Open-faced sandwiches and a fruit-bowl for dinner tonight. Sandwiches were tomato, and the fruit was peach/nectarine/blackberries (with a little creme and brown sugar).

Am considering starting the Victoria Bridge photo-assignment again...
Drew and Gilles both may be about to call in long-standing open invites

They still have not produced the missing set of drawers at work. Most of the stuff from my previous workstation is still in boxes under my new desk, makes it really difficult to get settled. I may go through it and toss much of what won't fit...

Friends I haven't seen in a long while: Glen, Ian, Lynne, Joe, Roderick, Marc-Antoine and Andie, Mathew, Pop.

Things I've noticed in my asanas; urdvha danurasana is feeling a bit more open and possible. Though I'm still doing it likea total beginner...
Lowering down to chatuanga feels much more gentle

I really should write my best-seller novel and get rich so that I can travel etc...

Exactly how is it that we are connected to everything around us? Inexorably...

After asana...
We had great breads, and cheeses, tomatoes basmati rice salad, salmon (black peppercorn and dill rub) and a fantastic anchovie tampinade...

I think it's back... might be time to get flickr happenning...
I'll be able to get better view of the structure from underneath as the Smart has that moon-roof...

Took this shot driving Gio back home after Loren grilled us some lamb-burgers and we did some maintenance on his Specialized.

The morning air has a definite chill, there's a new moon this Saturday, the season is changing. For some reason my favorite time of the year is bringing more bitter-sweet reflection than usual.
My heart is being pulled...

Wednesday night last, sun sals with om triam bakham, and Christine.
Fruit berries and creme for apres-asana. Oh yeah and toasted rye bread from Le fournil.

Almost adjusted to life back in Montreal...
Mowed the lawn yesterday, and vaccuumed, folding today...

Sarah MacLaughlin singing "will we burn in heaven like we do down here..." ipod shuffle in the background...

Just back from Helsinki, and I'm part way through a 2 week assignment.
Less than one day to recover from travel...

I had a great time in Finland. It's always a pleasure to work with our clients there, Jari Petteri Jussi and Asko, we've become brothers.
And it's such a fun city. Didn't make it to the opera, as suggested by my traveling companion on May's return flight. This time my traveling partner was Eddie Ojeda of Twisted Sister. He's a nice guy.

Got to a level 1 lead class at the main Helsinki ashtanga shala on Annankatu. Got to sweat a bit... Had a couple of very tasty meals and sweet treats on Lesplanadi watching the city go by.
Did the Flow festival Friday night and stayed up till the wee hours of Saturday morning.
http://www.flowfestival.com/2008/misc/ie_program.en.html
Caught Le Corps Mince De Francoise, Kings of Convenience, Mum, Crystal Castles and more...
Danced crazy like 20 years ago... had a blast...

Flew out of Helsinki early afternoon Saturday just a little zonked.
Was sitting in the terminal of Helsinki listening to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss's Polly Come Home. It's a wonderful song who's tempo and mythological theme touch me profoundly. It put an accent on the heartbreak of leaving a place, maybe for the last time, and goes without saying brought me to tears...

Upcoming visit with Henri again.
Visit with Karen this morning was good, lots of energy work. Emotional indeed...

Going to do the sunsal session tonight (om tryam Bakham...) Christine will join. This body needs a good waking up...

If the wild bird could speak
She'd tell of places you had been
She's been in my dreams
And she knows all the ways of the wind

Dreams cover much time
Still they leave blind
The will to begin
I searched for you there
And now look for you from within

Plant/Krauss

Sent to friends...

Yesterday at the end of the day I sent an email... to the wrong distribution list...
So I'm writing a quick message and resending the same pix... sorry for the hit on you inboxes...

I have been working quite hard in a production environment. It's mind-numbingly boring, tedious, repetitive, and addictive. Bad combination...
The guys are great to work with, so that's make it worthwhile.

We got out for a very nice meal, check out the dessert menu in the photos. I've included a photo of the strawberry salad with basil sorbet...
FreakinWOW!!!

That burger was as big as my head...

In Finnish I can now say "what when iron which" for no particualr reason, except for perhaps how numb our brains have become.
Mita kuuka rhouta noitha, it gets funnier as it's repeated silently in the mind...

I'm writing this email Friday morning, and for some reason I shall pack tonight, and walk over to see the Flow fest after I'm done.

I don't know many of the bands (cause I'm an old man now- socially) but it looks like it'll be fun if the weather holds out...

I fly out Saturday, and will be back in Montreal Saturday evening.
A one week trip doesn't give me much time to write plentyful updates, so hopefully these 2 updates are enough to keep in touch.

Safe travels to you all and may the deity of your preference, should you have chosen to believe in one, bless you... :-)

Drop me a line when you can...

Loren's been out of town since Saturday
She says her father is much stronger now
Glen and I hung around together Saturday and Sunday
I'm getting ready for another trip to Helsinki
It feels odd to be preparing to leave home while Loren and Zen are away
Work-stress, and life stress are contributing to the odd vibe
I feel mentally disconnected from my surroundings in a wierd way
Did manage an absolutely fantastic treatment with Christine on Sunday
And then a nice dinner afterwards
And last night Christine and I watched The Matrix, the first one
It was her first time
Muy interessant
Choice eh?
I've got some pictures of life someplace to post...
And lots of things to do between now and when I leave, so that I may not get around to posting them...
Wish me luck...

We've received conflicting accounts from the cottage
Bill and Doreen say they're fine
Homecare says otherwise
Loren'll likely go down this week
Loren witnessed a horriffic accident involving a truck and a cyclist
We both had good treatments (needed) with Karen
Had a visit with Henri last night
Really like driving the Smartcar
Loren still doesn't like it
First day at the new desk
First day in a long while not in class
Starting on the new technology (here we go again)
Guru overcooked lentils lastnight at the hotel
I've never experienced a summer passing faster

Fresh mango and St. Andre cheese is a taste combination to die for.