99to1

Well you can add me to the list. The sick list that is.

Have felt off since last Friday. I've had a headache, chest congestion, throat irritation since then.
Vics vap-o rub at night and Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa herbal cough syrop during the day.

It's not moving...hardly budging at all.

I hope I don't end up with a 3-4 week sick like some others I know.

No asana, or meditation in the meantime...just eating and sleeping.

And counting...
Though I'm much better now. Last night I added Ibuprofin and Buckleys cough syrop to my colloidal silver treatment. I'm hoping that by the weeks end I'll be back to 100%.

Did some remote computing this morning. I was up all night without any real sleep...coughing and convusling...by the time my alarm rang at 05:00 it felt like about two hours had passed since I went to sleep, and was nowhere near ready to go in to work. That's 2 days off now including Friday. I composed a detailed email outlining the topics to put into the upcoming 8 week course, I'm sure the results look good, will see tomorrow.

Am coughing much less today, and I'm looking forward to some real sleep tonight....

Asana...
Or at least warm up to asana. I managed to do 10 sun sals today, 5 As and 5 Bs. My lungs and sinuses really needed it. No coughing, no convulsing during the practice...I should perpetually do sun sals until this infection packs up and leaves my body. I think it might just work.
My jump forwards, from down dog to ardha utanasana, (or is it urdvha utanasana??) are getting easier. Still landing with fully bent legs, but I'm keeping arms straight...and I can feel how this will lead towards the full straight legged version.
Slowly slowly slowly...

I sweated, it was the first time in a while, and it felt good. Will be sure to do more tomorrow regardless of how I'm feeling...the heat will be what's needed. I might soon become (again) an ashtanga practicioner.

of consistant practice since I've been sick. Home tonight and a quickly to the mat. The cough is still with me, but has diminished a lot. Except for at night...makes falling asleep a huge challenge...difficult to let yourself drift off to sleep druning a coughing fit. I long for that falling into sleep feeling, the relaxing of the muscles, the quieting of the mind, the start of the dreamscape, the sinking, the drifting into slumber...

The two days which offered the most improvemnt came after I practiced. So I'm going to continue tonight...perhaps I won't have to maintain a perpetual practice to burn this thing off...but I'm confident the heat and sweat and intense breathing are only doing me some good.

slumber
n 1: a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended

WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

Tons of snow today...like 25 cm...or more...
Was in to work late and home late. Loren is off to bed, and I off to shovel the (2-car) drive way.

Then to do postures...

It's coming up to 23:00hrs...

Tomorrow a new release is scheduled...of one of the software suites I teach, and I need to get familiar with it quickly.

So I'll be going in late and working late to have some extra time with it before next week starts. I'm currently scheduled to deliver a half day session on tomorrows release...and there's tons of new things to learn...4 different outputs for another one of our company's proprietary softwares (one which I don't know at all).

Then will come finding another engineer, in another department, who can show me how all those outputs are integrated into the other software...the fun never ends...

Surya namaskars last night were very centered...and playful...

How do you remember those wonderful feelings...when you're experienceing a subtle peak experience...when everything feels so dialed-in and "correct"...so correct you think to yourself...this makes so much sense that it'll be easy to remember how to reproduce it?

I shortened each B by one breath-and-a-half...I was dropping to touch fingers to floor on the last exhale...

It's much more work...

Well...
We picked Luna up from the vet earlier today. They informed us that Luna has a vestibular neurological condition. It's what is commonly referred to as old dog syndrome, she's approximately 6-8 (dog) years old.

The vet is confident that it is a temporary situation and will clear up within three weeks.

Friday morning Luna looked death-bed-weak and we weren't sure if she'd survive...what a morning...what a couple of days...

She's home now and seems to be starting to relax...poor old girl...one of the symptoms of the condition is that she can only turn in one direction...for her it's right...she can't go left.

She was a real warrior today when she tried to walk straight across the livingroom from me to Loren...she overcame the impulse to veer off to the right...it was obvious how much work it was for her.

And she also has arthorsis in the form of hip displaysia, also common for larger dogs. She's going to be on medication for a while now, if not for the rest of her life.

We're very happy to have her back home.

Photos from christmas 2004...

Wow...
I am still not fully recovered from the sickness. It seems to have moved from head and chest directly into throat. More like tonsils area, the rear section of my soft pallette is so sore. Swallowing and yawning are not fun...

I visited the nurse at work yesterday...she said if it doesn't lessen in the next 2 days to go see a doctor. In the mean time I will continue with the colloidal silver, and with the unpasturised honey, and with the salt gargling...I am tired of being sick, it is a major drag.

Luna...well as mentioned she's home...though she's still pretty weak...Loren and I are having a very hard time dealing with her sickness...same kind of feeling when someone has had a stroke...they are still there, but they're different. It has broken our hearts wide open. I spent part of valentines day cradeling Luna and crying and crying and crying... We figured out today that we have been administering twice the dosage of her medication...hopefully correcting the dosage will change her condition, we'll call the vet today to see...

And at work there's been tons of stess...a (trainig) project with a client/prospect from overseas to see our technology. Actually to verrify or validate it's state of readiness. Well...every version of the software I've been given to use to prepare for the course has not worked...on top of that I was advised by one of our specialists that it would be a bad idea to try to show what I was planning to show..."no one has ever integrated all that into one session before, what gives you the idea that you can do it as a quick demo for a client??"

I had to do my presentation a day early, and was able only to show how to use the software, not prove that its working...very tense kind of presentation.

On top of that...a huge corporate re-org has been done due to a bad financial loss this year...three weeks of tense speculation and rumours and waiting waiting waiting...

By the time I finished my presentation with the clients yesterday I had lost six people from my department, including my supervisor (and friend) Charles. That's twice now in four years that that position has changed hands (and I've lost friends)...going to be very difficult to groom a new person into that position...tons of nuances and very subtle politics...took me over a year with Charles to get him conversant with the technology I am involved with and the related business processes...and there's four other people in my division with similiar adgendas...

Did I mention the stress?

At his point she has made it through a bit more than one week... I'm writing this Sunday evening, and it was 2 Fridays ago when she woke up suffering. The vet said that if it is the vestibular neurological condition which is affecting her, then it may take 3 weeks for it to clear... one down two to go...

Loren and I have made it too. We're both quite affected by Luna's condition, our hearts have been borken open. Loren wrote me a beautiful poem mentioning this, for our recent new moon, it makes me cry each time I read it.

Luna has made some small improvements, but she still is not the same girl she was the night before she fell ill. I would love to see her fully recover, but I'm not sure she will. I took some pictures of her today pointing to the beautiful (but fading) amerillys flowers in the sun...hope they turn out nice...contrast range was pretty great...

She is eating, and peeing and pooping, so for now that's great. She is showing improvements in her navigation in terms of left turns, but she is still incredibly weak, but her eyes are still clear.

I would love to see her run...or little speak...or jump into the bed with us...or give her paw...again...

It's been more than a month...
Cough is gone...aching head as well...tonsil area still a bit off, but not too sore anymore. I almost feel well...

Should be in Montreal this week!
I'm expecting perhaps to see him tomorrow. I was pretty sure that he'd be one of those friends I make on a business trip and never get the chance to ever see again...looks like I was wrong...

Loren and I will have him over one night this week and Johnny and Anie and J-F and I will take him out for dinner as well.

I don't know if he's ever been outside of India...I'm curious to see his reaction to our February weather...

With Giri last night. We left work around 16:30 and beat most of the traffic to the south shore, picked up some film amd some groceries.

We arrived at home just as Al was dropping Loren off. We served a small sampling of may differnt cold dishes. Loren made all the food...she's been doing so much work lately...

Rice kidneybean pecan red pepper yoghurt salad
Potato salad
Grilled and chilled salmon
Chicken liver pate (home-made)
Scandinavian style Lamb meat balls
Sweet peppered shrimp

Accompanied by some red wine and followed by strawberry pie with masala chai...and some ground-coffee seasoned dark chocolate.

Spoke about work and talked a lot about India...

I put on the handsome Indian outfit that the Giri's crew in India presented me with when I left...it really is a magnificent get up...I'm going to try to find a place to wear it this summer here in Montreal...iit's going to freak people out...

The moon was huge over Montreal this morning...at 6 am I was crossing the Victoria bridge...and there it was...

A big, slightly orange disk, hovering two fingers above Mt. Royal, shining it's reflection on the waters and snow covered ice of the St. Laurence river...it was really quite a beautiful site. My adgena lists tomorrow at the full moon...

I love the views offered by this little bridge.

Travelling west along the Bonnaventure this morning I realised that I will soon be in for a treat, in terms of seeing some beautiful sunrises...might start doing regular pictures of the eastern sky from along this stretch...and perhaps even afternoon photos from atop the little Wellington street/Lachine canal overpass for the eventual sunsets...

Was quite mobile this morning...
During the night she had gone into the basement on her own...I wouldn't have guessed by her condition yesterday that she would have had enough strength or coordination to manage this...

An then she climbed the stairs on her own and was following me around the house...it lifted my spirits to see her so active...actually she was a little too active in the basement...she peed on the carpet. I could see through her neurologically affected face, that she was embarrassed...

Looks like she might be turning a corner with this illness (pun intended)...

I got her to do two little speaks last night, rewarded with some 10-year-old cheddar...
tell me how many other dogs got fed ten-year old-cheddar last night?

Tonight she is incredibly weak. She hasn't eaten all day...she's had a few more episodes in the house. Her health appears to be fading...
It's still tearing us apart...

I've come to expect changes on moon days.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Well...
Crossing the Victoria this morning that big shinny moon was roughly at 12:10 in relation to the heading of the bridge...

On the way home tonight, it was roughly at 12:10 in relation to the heading of the bridge in the opposite direction.
I've never noticed anything like that before.
I was too busy being blown away by how beautiful it is (and reconning the headings) to wonder what it could mean...

I'm pretty sure I've spent the whole night with a dying dog.
Luna did not eat at all yesterday, and today is very very weak.
I will treasure this past evening for the rest of my life...

For now she can not even stand on her own.
She can barely roll over...

I slept on the floor with her to be near in case she needed to be let out, she had to pee quite often yesterday afternoon.

I let her out once during the night, and that may have been her last dignified outing.

She did move around a bit during the night but was very fragile.
Over the course of the night she moved from her foam cushion, to right beside me, where we spooned...I stroked her long black fur and told her how much beauty and love she had brought to Loren and me...and thanked her for all the blessings and experiences she's brought to us...

Much later she rolled over and assumed a sphynx-like posture, with her head resting on my pillow, her nose gently pushed up against the side of my head, and she breathed softly near my ear...

During this part of the evening her breathing was much deeper than it has been recently, it was a gentle throaty rythmic wind-like sound, much like ujjayi...I will never forget the feeling of resting with her like this...our combined breathing lulled us off to a deep rest...

Later she managed to get up, and slowly, slowly made her way to my feet, it took her around 30 seconds for her lower down and to drape her head over my feet. She let out a long, slightly laboured comforting exhale. It coveyed that she was somehow content... I cried for a long time...it was so touching...

Later again she again managed to lift herself to standing and inched her bag of bones back up to near my head, she reached her skinny, bony, fragile neck out and pushed her chest area into the crook of my neck, and then rested her throat over mine, she let her weight fall into me...and we relaxed and breathed together like this for quite some time. It was in this position where I actually got some sleep. It was a very sound sleep, and when I woke she had also drapped her paw over my neck...

After a long while she rolled over and it was back to spooning...she started to lift her head and cry, or sort of moan from time to time...I think she's starting to be in pain...

Around 5 am I woke Loren up, told her about Luna's weakness, and asked her to lay down with Luna while I got ready to go to work...

I carried Luna to the back yard to see if she would pee...she could not stand or pee...and I brought her back to her cushion.

Before I left for work...I told her how beautiful she is and that I truely hope to see her alive again...and then said good-bye in case I wouldn't...

Loren and I had a long tearful embrace and I left for work with a heart that has truely been broken wide open...

The orange and purple glow on the horizon over the south shore was stunning...it was the first time I've seen this in a while due to the shortness of daylight...today it seemed to be signaling a change...it was like sensing the full glory and promise of a sunrise for the first time. The newness...th possibilities...

It's effect on me was huge...Krishna Das, Devi Puja and Jaya Jagatambe, acting like the gentle force behind the cascade of tears down my face... I was crying for Luna in her suffering, and for the loss of my Grandmother, my Mother, my Father, and for all beings who suffer.

I do hope to see her alive at least one more time...

I wanted to see Luna again, but it wasn't to be.
She went towards the moon.

Thursday morning I went to work...
It really was not like any other day...I went to work knowing that she would pass anytime soon...that our stunningly beautiful and sweet dog was very near the end of her life.

Loren called me mid morning and said Luna's breathing was changing, and that her eyes were getting distant. I left work straight away...crying all the way. I told Loren she should go on and do her morning meditation and say what she always says to get Luna to be still...

Everybody lie down

On Rene Levesque boulevard, the Blue Nun's building was bathed in rich golden spring sunlight, with my eyes I followed the lines of the building right up it's steeple and then off into the sky, past the whispy clouds and on to the shining full moon.

The leap from steeple to celestial body I thought, must be like the spirit leaving the body.

Within a minute my cell phone rang...

Loren said "Say good-bye to Luna, she has just gone"

Good-bye baby Luna, thank you for your beauty.

Even though she was around eight years old we still called her baby.
My heart was wide open, the world was diferent now. Our dog had an appointment with February's full moon.

I got home and held on to Loren and we sobbed. Then I went to see Luna...I laid down with her. She was in the same spot where just hours ago we were spooning, where she spent her long night of the soul. Where she had blessed my head and feet and heart.

I gently pet her soft fur and traced along her familiar shape, her body still warm.

Good-bye baby Luna...

We placed her on a blanket and put flowers in front, at her head. Whenever we have flowers in the house, Luna would stretch out on the floor and point her nose at them. She had done it this past weekend with the ameryllis in the sun.

We then took pictures of her ears, and her nose, and her paws and fur. Her collar which I had taken off the night before was at her backside and the flowers at her front. Loren put the little bowl of yoghurt Luna was too weak to eat the previous night near the flowers.

Luna loved yoghurt

Loren and I cried and cried...

She told me how Luna passed. Loren was sitting for meditation...everybody lie down...and she was listening to Lunas breathing...counting her breaths as they slowed down. Part way through Loren's meditatin Luna took two deep long inhalations, each time stretching her legs out straing and spreading her paws, lifting her head and straightening her tail...Loren couldn't hear any more breathing...and she said,
God bless you Luna...

Then Luna sort of shocked Loren, as she took an unexpected third and final inhale strecthing as before...and then Luna exhaled her last breath in this world. She had an appointment with the moon.

Loren and I loaded the photos onto the computer. There was a magnificent surprise in store for me. In the first image Luna's head was kind of upright. I recognised in an instant that it was taken while Luna was still alive...and it touched me profoundly. Loren said, "This is the last picture of her before she died."

It was indeed the most beautiful gift I have ever been graced with.
It was my chance to see Luna alive one more time...

Good-bye baby Luna

This Past Weekend Pointing at Flowers

Healthy Luna

Sofa Luna

In the Country Luna

I have just finished my offering to Luna.
40 Minutes of Surya Namaskar. I haven't practiced in weeks.
At the 20 minute mark and the forty, I did Surya B, all the others were As.

At the end it was hard for me to go on. I took inspiation from Luna's feats of strength and grace from the night before she died.

She was far more gracful than I.

Soon coming, an entry reflecting how Luna taught me about vinyasa.