I'm pretty sure I've spent the whole night with a dying dog.
Luna did not eat at all yesterday, and today is very very weak.
I will treasure this past evening for the rest of my life...
For now she can not even stand on her own.
She can barely roll over...
I slept on the floor with her to be near in case she needed to be let out, she had to pee quite often yesterday afternoon.
I let her out once during the night, and that may have been her last dignified outing.
She did move around a bit during the night but was very fragile.
Over the course of the night she moved from her foam cushion, to right beside me, where we spooned...I stroked her long black fur and told her how much beauty and love she had brought to Loren and me...and thanked her for all the blessings and experiences she's brought to us...
Much later she rolled over and assumed a sphynx-like posture, with her head resting on my pillow, her nose gently pushed up against the side of my head, and she breathed softly near my ear...
During this part of the evening her breathing was much deeper than it has been recently, it was a gentle throaty rythmic wind-like sound, much like ujjayi...I will never forget the feeling of resting with her like this...our combined breathing lulled us off to a deep rest...
Later she managed to get up, and slowly, slowly made her way to my feet, it took her around 30 seconds for her lower down and to drape her head over my feet. She let out a long, slightly laboured comforting exhale. It coveyed that she was somehow content... I cried for a long time...it was so touching...
Later again she again managed to lift herself to standing and inched her bag of bones back up to near my head, she reached her skinny, bony, fragile neck out and pushed her chest area into the crook of my neck, and then rested her throat over mine, she let her weight fall into me...and we relaxed and breathed together like this for quite some time. It was in this position where I actually got some sleep. It was a very sound sleep, and when I woke she had also drapped her paw over my neck...
After a long while she rolled over and it was back to spooning...she started to lift her head and cry, or sort of moan from time to time...I think she's starting to be in pain...
Around 5 am I woke Loren up, told her about Luna's weakness, and asked her to lay down with Luna while I got ready to go to work...
I carried Luna to the back yard to see if she would pee...she could not stand or pee...and I brought her back to her cushion.
Before I left for work...I told her how beautiful she is and that I truely hope to see her alive again...and then said good-bye in case I wouldn't...
Loren and I had a long tearful embrace and I left for work with a heart that has truely been broken wide open...
The orange and purple glow on the horizon over the south shore was stunning...it was the first time I've seen this in a while due to the shortness of daylight...today it seemed to be signaling a change...it was like sensing the full glory and promise of a sunrise for the first time. The newness...th possibilities...
It's effect on me was huge...Krishna Das, Devi Puja and Jaya Jagatambe, acting like the gentle force behind the cascade of tears down my face... I was crying for Luna in her suffering, and for the loss of my Grandmother, my Mother, my Father, and for all beings who suffer.
I do hope to see her alive at least one more time...