As Neo points out in #2 in his conversation with The Architect "...the problem is choice..."
Loren has been asking me, over the phone while I'm here in Germany, how I feel about us...
It's a difficult question to answer. Last night my answer was, that it's hard to say, since we've really been through the ringer with Henri, I mean really. And we've spent very little time together since our wonderful treatment with Karen (Loren travelled to visit her folks). That session was quite restorative, in that it cleared us both of a depressive state. I don't have the impression it brought us closer together, though it feels like it removed obstacles to getting closer.
So it looks like it comes down to choice...
I am ready to choose a life which is healthy and balanced and clear, and I am not sure if that translates into a life in a relationship with Loren... as strange and painful as that is to consider...
Why uncertainty to (re) commit?
I am not really sure, though I do find it inappropriate to discard the observations (knowings) I've had over the past year or so. Also, I have no previous similiar experiences to refer to as references...
I am totally alone with this... Life is practice, but for what?
In a way my situation is wonderful... yet and terrifying and torturous...