I got this quote from the movie “Mona Lisa’s Smile� and it struck a chord in me. I know the movie was a chick flick but I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed it. I like this quote because I am a wanderer. I can never seem to stay in one place for a very long time. I easily get bored and I’m always looking for something else to do. Every time I start a new job, I would always think about my next job. I could never figure out how other people could work in one place for a very long time. I have never stayed in one job for more than 3 years. I think if I stayed any longer, I would have committed suicide.
One day early last year, I sat down with my headhunter and we went through my resume. I was ready to move again. He noticed that I never stayed very long in each job and he asked me why I left each job. I gave him very good reasons for leaving each job. He agreed that all my reasons were legitimate but said that, “At some point I’m going to have to be accountable for all my movements�. At that point, I just sat there and said to myself, “Holy shit, there must be something wrong with me, I must be cursed.� I decided at that point I should just stay where I was.
Well, as we all know now, that’s not going to happen. I started this job on November 1, 2001 and my last day is going to be on August 5, 2004. In less than 3 years, I’m ready to move again. Just recently, I’ve learned to accept the fact that I could never stay in one place for a long time. That is just my personality and now I realize that what I once thought of as a curse is actually my blessing. I think the world is too big a place to stay in one place and I cannot do the same thing for the rest of my life. I would die. A friend once said that, I not only have the characteristics of an Aquarian but I should be the poster child for that zodiac sign. She continued to say that in my eyes, marriage and death is the same thing. I think there maybe some truth to that but I think she went a little too far. I hope one day I could settle down but not just now.
I once met a person who is a massage teacher, massage therapist, training director of a spa and a psychotherapist. I asked her what she did full time. She said, “I don’t do anything full time.� When she told me that, I thought to myself, “that’s what I want to do�.
The next half of my life, I dedicate to my never-ending journey. I have been blessed with the desire to experience life in my own terms. I can never be what people expect me to be. I cannot stay in one job for the rest of my life. I love the excitement of change. When my life is changing, I feel alive. I want to be in constant motion and constant change. I maybe a wanderer but I am not aimless.
Comments (10)
I feel the exact same way....I have always made changes in three year or less blocks of time...not just with work...but also location....as for relationships....well I am nearly at 7....but it is a tough road....and there have been near partings...I think being you is EXACTLY what you shold be...and do not worry about other people's expectations....career's nowadays just do not have to fit into the old paradigm....SMN
ps also a Aquarian....sun
Posted by smn | July 23, 2004 1:07 AM
Posted on July 23, 2004 01:07
Thanks SMN, I'm so glad I'm not alone. Most of the people I know are "normal" and I've always felt different. I've tried to be normal but I've given up. It doesn't work for me. I've changed locations many times too. I've live in LA for 4 years, Ft Lauderdale for 5 years and the Philippines before that. I'm going home soon and all the talk about settling down will be in my face. I'm tired of justifying why I live the way I do.
Posted by joey | July 23, 2004 1:48 AM
Posted on July 23, 2004 01:48
One of the biggest challenges of my marriage is the fact that my husband is content to stay here forever... I frequently have the urge to leave, do something else, try something new. I look at it as part of challenging myself, finding what makes me feel that way. I get bored with work easily... so far, yoga has been the only consistent thing in my life.
Posted by Julie | July 23, 2004 4:48 AM
Posted on July 23, 2004 04:48
I understand the urge to leave and move on. And I also understand the desire to plant roots and stay. I think that whatever our choice is, that choice (in part) is grounded in attachment to that specific part of our identities.
As if "who will I be if I am no longer a wanderer?" or in the opposite case of staying put, "who will I be if I move to somewhere else or get a new job?" There is fear in losing a part of who we are if we change the way we do things.
The same logic can be extended to "any" type of behavior. Be it a good behavior or an addictive pattern. I don't think you have to justify who you are in life, to anyone. But in reality, there is usually some "answering to" when if comes to family. Being filipino myself, I know how it can be when extended family hounds you about marriage and children. It can be quite overwhelming.
Anyways, it seems like those questions are causing you to also think about your own reasons why you move about and change jobs so frequently. I suspect that you are genuinely gifted with wanderlust. But as you are also human, I also believe that part of it is your attachment to the identity of "wanderer" or "aquarian". I myself am attached to the identity of "scorpio". Attachment is a form of affliction (klesha?) We all have that affliction in many many forms. As students of yoga, we need to be aware of those attachments and see where we can practice santosha more consciously.
peace.
Posted by Darren | July 23, 2004 5:17 PM
Posted on July 23, 2004 17:17
I agree with you. Yoga is the only thing consistent with my life. I'm surprised I haven't been bored with it yet. I think it's because I really love the practice. I've been practicing on and off for about 8 years now and I believe I'm more dedicated to it now than I was before. Bodywork is another thing I haven't been bored with yet but it's only been 3 years. I think it's because there's still a lot of things I can learn from it.
Posted by joey | July 23, 2004 5:34 PM
Posted on July 23, 2004 17:34
Darren, thanks for the insight. I still have a lot to figure out and I guess that's just part of my journey.
Posted by joey | July 23, 2004 5:46 PM
Posted on July 23, 2004 17:46
Its interesting that you say that yoga is the only thing consistent in your life. Yet you also say that you've been practicing on and off for 8 years. But I think I know what you are saying... Is yoga consistent because its "on and off"? It seems consistent only in terms of "the long run". I do think that's a healthy definition of consistent practice. I've only been practicing since 1999. My practice has been consistent (in terms of no long interruptions in those 5 years). But I do expect interruptions to my practice (how can those be avoided? I don't think they can). But if I can come back to yoga (if I ever stray), then I say that's a sign of a healthy practice. Anyway, I had a thought this morning as I was driving in to work:
"yoga is so much more expansive when you take it out of your body and into your head"
now, if only I could remember what I meant by that....
Posted by Darren | July 23, 2004 5:55 PM
Posted on July 23, 2004 17:55
I guess I need to define what I mean by "on and off". On is when I'm practicing 4 to 6 times a week and off is when I'm practicing 1 to 3 times a week. There was a time when work was getting in the way of yoga and I was finding my balance. I was also going to massage school a few years ago and it took some time from my yoga. But my love for my yoga practice has always been there and that's what I mean by consistent.
Posted by joey | July 23, 2004 6:32 PM
Posted on July 23, 2004 18:32
thank you
Posted by Jasmeen | August 26, 2006 5:18 AM
Posted on August 26, 2006 05:18
Why thank you?
Posted by joey | August 27, 2006 4:40 AM
Posted on August 27, 2006 04:40