I had lunch yesterday with co-workers. The lunch converstion revolved around how under staff we are this season and how the experience staff which left were replaced by virtually inexperience staff. At some point I said something like, "I can't believe I'm working the hours I'm working right now." A co-worker looked at me and said, "You knew what you were getting yourself into when you signed in." I thought about what she said and I realized that I guess I didn't. Maybe I should have known better but I didn’t…sucker!!! I was very clear when we talked last October on what I was willing to bring to the table. Was I so naïve to think that when push comes to shove they would not remember or even care? Apparently not. I realize that once you become an employee, your pretty much a slave. I've lost what ever control I have on my time this past 8 weeks and the next 2 weeks and whatever we discussed last October doesn't mean jack shit.
At the moment I feel tired and beat up. My practice is nowhere close to where it once was. My mind is angry for letting all this happen. I've dug myself in a deep hole and there's no way out. The only thing I'm holding on to at the moment is Rome…Mysore is still too far away. In the meantime, I have to suck things up until April 17.
I can't continue on this road. At some point in the near future, I going to have to make some major decisions. I have a general idea on what it is but I have a lot of options and they all look good. I could either tweak things or just go all out. The conservative side of me is saying a smal shift will do but the never say die part of me is saying, "Fuck this, just do it and worry about the reprecussions later." I'm inclined to do the later only because it seems more exciting and my life has become a bore.