Road To Mysore

I got back from San Diego on Saturday. I was happy to be back and looked forward to eating my first cooked meal. I accomplished what I expected to do while I was at OHI. I feel so much better. I met a lot of interesting people while I was there and I hope to keep in touch with them. I celebrated my first cooked meal at Govinda's. I just recently discovered this place. It's actually 5 minutes from where I live. It's a vegetarian buffet for $6 and the food is incredible. The Hari Krishna's runs it. Its off Venice Blvd and Watseka. I've been going there quite often recently. I hope they don't try to convert me.

On Sunday I practice with Noah & Kimberly in Silverlake. I haven't seen them for a while. The last time I practiced with them was in February. I had a great practice. It was so effortless. I felt my body was so open and I was moving like I was floating. I wish I had more days like this. I love the energy of the room. After practice I spoke to Noah briefly. He suggested that I check in the Green Hotel when I get to Mysore. It's only a few minutes from the shala. I also got Guruji's book the “Yoga Mala�. I should read it before I leave.

Yesterday I went back to Yoga Works Westwood to see what's up with Jorgen. The place was empty. Jorgen finally found a place in Brentwood. I knew it was going to happen, I was just hoping it would be much later. I had to decide if I was going to practice there or maybe drive to Silverlake. I felt lazy and I had a lot of things to do later that morning. I decided to stay. There were only 4 people in the class and it was taught by one of Chuck and Maty's students. She talked a lot and suggested many times during practice to use blocks and blankets. This is how they teach ashtanga in Yoga Works. It's more of an Iyengar class disguised in Ashtanga. That's the very reason why I left Yoga Works. I really couldn't get into the flow of the practice because she kept on giving me suggestions. I think that most western yoga teachers analyze the postures too much. That's why I love ashtanga so much. It's more about the breath, the focus and the flow as oppose to the alignment of the posture. Dominic use to say that the alignment will come in time. The body will find it's own alignment. I really do believe in that. I don't think I'm going to be practicing in Westwood anymore. I'm sad because I really liked the location and facilities. Jorgen's new place does not have a shower and is a little further away from Century City. I think I'll practice with Jorgen on Fridays and with Noah on Sundays. The rest of the week, I'm going to have to practice on my own. On Fridays, I'll have to take a shower before practice and then wipe the sweat off. That sucks but that's the way it has to be.

This morning I made a futile attempt to practice on my own. Ten minutes into my practice I decided to stop. I had no focus at all. I normally can get through the standing postures before my mind starts to wander but not today. If I wake up earlier I wouldn't have to rush through my practice. Tomorrow is a moon day but since I didn't practice today, I'll try again tomorrow. I am seriously considering practicing with Jorgen in Brentwood even without a shower. I will have to shower before practice. It's just a thought.

I got a massage last night from a fellow therapist. I had given him a massage 3 weeks ago so it was his turn to return the favor or should I say the torture. I asked him to go deep and just find the trouble spots. You really don't need to tell a good therapist where to go because they'll always find the areas that need work. I really needed it. I feel so much better.

Had dinner again at Govinda's. I've been there everyday since Saturday. I wanted to try the pizza but they ran out. I wish I knew about this place a long time ago. I met someone while I was there and she told me that whenever she travels, she always looks for a Hari Krishna temple because they always have a restaurant. I asked her if they ever tried to convert her. She said no, thank God because I'm there so often.

Today is a moon day but I forced myself to practice this morning at home. I got through the standing sequence then my mind started to wander. I did a few seated postures, and then started to close my practice. The practice took about an hour. Not bad but not great. I'll take that for now.

Tomorrow I'll try out Jorgen's new place in Brentwood and on Sunday I'll practice at Noah's. I'm still waiting for my letter from the immigration office.

A couple of weeks ago I spoke to the immigration officer and he said he would process my papers and will try to get me in the May 26 oath taking or June. It's already June so I guess May is out of the question. Still debating on an Aug 15 or Sept 15 departure date. I really want to do the Carl Chase Advanced Esalen Massage workshop on the first week of Sept, but I don't want to delay my trip to India. It will all depend on my oath taking date, which I expect will happen this month. It's recently been hard to get myself to work. I'm here physically but my mind and spirit is already in India. Some days I wish they just fired me and get it over with but I don't want to burn bridges. My boss has been good to me and I want to leave in good terms. I really believe that I just went through my last tax season. If I do work during tax season, it would be only part time. I need to focus now.

I practiced at Jorgen's new place in Brentwood this morning. It's a really nice space. The room was smaller but felt much cozier. I had a good practice but was occasionally distracted by a prospective student observing the class. I kept wondering what she was observing. I missed the Westwood studio though. We were spoiled there. I learned something new today. My fellow yoga students called it an “Italian bath�. I don't know if that's what the Italians do but that's what they called it. Since we no longer have the luxury of taking a shower after practice, I was given a complementary baby wipe. They suggested that I bring a lot because they are so small. It will have to do for today. I actually had a small face towel, which I wet and used to wipe out the sweat. I still felt sticky though so I cranked up the air conditioner on my way to work. It felt a little better. I will get a box of baby wipe though.

I just learned today that Guruji would be in Africa early September for a couple of weeks. Maybe leaving in September wouldn't be a bad idea. On most days, the thought of quitting my job and leaving for India is so exciting. There's a sense of freedom I have never felt before. It's hard to explain. I look around the office and I know that the people around me are miserable. They come to work everyday, hating every moment but they don't have a choice. It's like we're all in prison and there's no way out. I'm tired of being around miserable people because they want you to feel as miserable as they are. I have a choice and I'm going to make that choice. In a few months I will walk away from all this. But on the other hand, there's a sense of fear, uncertainty and insecurity involved. I will no longer have the luxury of having a steady paycheck. I will no longer have a place to call home. Everything I own will go into storage except for the things I will need on a day-to-day basis. I will no longer have the option to take what ever massage class I feel like taking. This is the price I have to pay for the freedom that I want. My family thinks I'm crazy. I probably am, but it's a conscious choice. The road I am about to take is unpaved. Every step I take today brings me closer to that unpaved road and it scares the hell out of me. I question myself everyday but I know if I don't do it now I will have to do it in another life. I realize that this is not only about going to India but about changing my life. Someone once told me that to open a new window you have to close an old window. Only by closing an old window will a new window open. But the objective of life is to close as many windows as possible and in the end only one window is opened. I think I'm ready to close this window.

Practiced with Noah & Kimberly yesterday. I met Amanda while I was there. Amanda is a fellow ashtanga blogger who is leaving for Mysore next month for 3 months. I saw her before practice in the hallway and introduced myself. We spoke briefly and went straight to practice. We didn't get to talk after practice because I left right after practice. It was nice to meet her because now I can read her blog and put a face on it. Now I regret not meeting the Encinitas/San Diego bloggers. I had a great practice at Noah's yesterday. I always do. I think it's because of the energy in the room and the fact that I have to pay $15 per class. The room was packed and every body is so focused. It's funny when you pay per class; you tend to be psychologically more focus. There's no room for slacking because it you do, you've just wasted $15. When you pay monthly you tend to occasionally slack because you're already paid for the month and you always have another day. It sounds stupid but it's true for me.

I finally decided to go monthly with Jorgen. I actually like the room better. It's quiet since the windows face away from the street. The advantage of not getting to shower after practice is having to shower before practice. Taking a shower before practice really wakes up all the muscles. The first few vinyasas is much easier. Ideally, I should shower before and after each practice. Maybe I should stop by the Westwood recreational center and take a shower before I head to work. It's something I have to consider.

This weekend, I watched the movie “Bowling in Columbine�. I've heard so much about the movie that I finally decided to watch it. I really regret not watching it earlier. It's a really a good movie and it makes you really think. I guess that's why it took me so long to watch it. Normally when I watch movies I don't want to think. I tend to go to brainless movies with good endings. It's a little shallow but I just want to be entertained and the shallow movies are more entertaining. Anyway, it was a great movie and I'm looking forward to watching “9/11�. I also need to find the time to watch “Super size�. They talked a lot about it while I was in the Optimum Health Institute but I couldn't get myself to watch it because I was in the middle of a detox. I should find the time to watch it.

I finally got the news I've been waiting for. I got home last night at around 10PM and found the letter confirming the oath taking date – June 25. I was jumping for joy last night. I even wanted to scream (Whoppeeeee!!!!) but I didn't want to wake up my neighbors. I've been waiting for this letter for the past 5 months or so. I can now get my passport after the oath taking and then I can get my Indian visa. I decided to set my departure date to August 23, give or take a day or two. I was really considering the Esalen massage workshop in September but that would mean I wouldn't get to Mysore until October. I'm dying to get to Mysore now so Esalen will have to wait. Now I feel like it's really happening. I'm excited and scared at the same time.

Yesterday I couldn't decide on where I wanted to go for lunch. I hate the food in Century City. It's not only disgusting but expensive too. I've worked in this area for over 2 years now and I felt this way the first week I started. Nothing has changed. Anyway, I was deciding on whether to drive 10 minutes to the Westside Pavilion and have some Indian food but for some reason I decided to go to Govinda's instead. Now Govinda's is less than 5 minutes from where I live but a good 20-minute drive from Century City. I haven't been there since Saturday so I thought it was time to go. I'm so glad I went there for lunch cause I bumped into Noah & Kimberly. I joined them of lunch and was able to talk to them about my trip to Mysore. It was really nice to talk to both of them outside the shala. Kimberly said that she is meeting some of the students after class this Sunday to give us information on Mysore. So I'm practicing in Silverlake this Sunday coz I want to get as much information as I can. I really like the fact that they both encourage their students to practice with Patabi Jois. I think a lot of teachers look at their students as their livelihood or possession and that practicing with someone else is not always encouraged. As teachers, they're very secure about themselves and I know for sure that I'm going to practice with them when I get back.

This morning's practice was pretty good. I woke up this morning really tired and was considering taking a day off. I forced myself to go anyway since I need to practice 6 days a week now. I've been doing 5 days a week for the past 3 months now and I feel like its time to go for 6. Jorgen wasn't in today so we had one of his assistants. I think tomorrow is his last day before he goes on tour with Madonna for 2 months. I guess when he gets back I'll be gone.

It's such a small world. I was getting my things together in the reception area after practice when this young lady sat beside me. She wasn't in my class so I assumed she was going in the next class. Anyway, I looked at her for a while and thought that she looked really familiar. The fact that she was cute made me look twice. I was talking to other people while she sat silently beside me. When my friends left, I took a long look at her again and then I remembered. She reminded me of this girl I had practiced yoga with about 6 or 7 years ago in Fort Lauderdale. She had just graduated from the University of Miami and was living in Fort Lauderdale. I remember talking to her in Fort Lauderdale a couple of times but we were more of an acquaintance. I finally decided to ask her if she used to practice Bikram in Fort Lauderdale and she said yes. She didn't remember me but I remembered her because she had one of those beautiful faces you can never forget minus the youthful glow. She still looked beautiful but there was this glow about her, which was no longer there. It was so strange to bump into her. Why??? I didn't even know her that well but I remembered her so vividly. Why???

I finally gave in. I was supposed to take a day off to clean my apartment. Between a full time job, 12 to 14 massages a week and practicing yoga 5 to 6 times a week, I really don't feel like cleaning my apartment. So this Saturday, I decided to pay a cleaning lady. I met her at the massage place that I pick up shifts in. I may eventually convince her to trade cleaning for massage. I'm only paying $35 for the cleaning and I charge much more than that for a massage. We'll see how it goes. I'm just looking forward to a clean apartment. I expect some private clients to come over soon so it's got to be clean.

The excitement of setting a realistic departure date has finally worn out. Yesterday I called a gazillion people telling them I would leave in August. The citizenship thing has really held me back and now I can move forward. A lot of things still need to happen before I can get on the plane but I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel.

No massages last night so I got home by 6:30PM. I was tempted to have dinner at Govinda's last night but resisted the temptation. I had bought a lot of food last weekend and realized that I need to eat it before it gets bad. I did a little cleaning so that the cleaning lady that comes this Saturday won't think I'm a total slob. I prepared my clothes for work and was in bed by 9PM.

Slept well last night and got up by 5AM. I got to practice at 6:30 this morning. I normally get to the shala a little past 7 so it was nice to get in early. I had a nice slow practice. I need to come in earlier because when I get in past 7, I tend to rush through my practice. I really see the benefits of taking a shower before practice. I wish I could take one after though. For now it will have to be wet towel wipes. Or as they call it in the shala an "Italian bath".

Today was Jorgen last day so he was saying his goodbyes. He tours with Madonna for 7 weeks. He said he was planning to go to Mysore to this fall so I might see him there.

After practice, the lady that owned Brentwood yoga hung around the reception area talking to the ashtanga students. She asked us if we would venture into the other flow classes or Iyengar classes. The consensus among ashtangis was no. The feeling was you either practice ashtanga or iyengar and not both. Some people say that they practice both practices but I don't think it's possible. If you're so worried about your alignment, your no longer practicing ashtanga was my thought. I told her that I hated guided classes because I thought it was really annoying. Anyway, I felt bad for her because I think she was trying to fill up the other classes. She could see that Jorgen's class was always full up and she was hoping the some of us would find our way to the other classes. I think she doesn't understand the ashtanga mentality. Your either an ashtangi or your not. There are no half-breeds.

Today was my 6th straight day of practice and it really felt like it. I haven't done this since I left Fort Lauderdale 4 years ago. I slept early last night and had decent sleep but there was no energy flowing in my body this morning. Everything felt difficult. I'm glad tomorrow is Saturday and next week we have a moon day. I don't think my body is ready for 6 days a week practice. I feel so tired right now. I think I ended my practice 15 minutes earlier than normal. Midway through the practice I was just going through the motions. It was just one of those days.

I'm so tired of work right now. I should have called in sick. I just need a day off. I think I'll take one next week. I've thought about giving notice to my employer now and give them about 6 weeks notice. My co-worker told me to wait a little bit. Our firm is going through a lot of changes and they may ask me to leave immediately. I'll wait a couple of weeks and then tell them. This morning I was considering moving my departure date back to July 15. I know I can make it happen but it would be really stressful and down to the wire. First I'll have to give notice now and my last day would probably be June 30. I will then have two weeks to put my things into storage, get my passport, visa and plane ticket. I don't think so. I'll keep it the way it is.

Thank God for Saturday. After 6 straight days, I'm so glad I had a day off from yoga. I really needed it. I was no longer enjoying practice. I think I'm going back to 5 days a week for the month of June and maybe bring it up to 6 days a week in July. My body right now just can't take it. Since getting back from OHI, I've been really feeling good about myself and my energy is up. I've kept off the weight and I think I've lost some more because my pants seem looser. I think I'm just doing too much right now and I just need to back off a little. I know there's a moon day coming up but I think I'm taking tomorrow off. This morning's practice was terrible. I was just flat out tired.

On Saturday, I had my apartment cleaned up. I guess you don't realize how bad it is until some else cleans up for you. I'm so glad I asked her to clean it. She cleaned for about 3 hours and the result was amazing. I'm going to have her come every two weeks until I leave. It's really money spent well.

Yesterday I practiced with Noah & Kimberly. As always, I love practicing there. Since I pay monthly with Jorgen, I normally don't go there as often as I used to. Kimberly was giving out information on traveling to Mysore after practice so I didn't want to miss it. I'm so glad I was there because she gave us a lot of information. I also wanted to meet the people that were going to Mysore so that I could see some familiar faces while I'm there. There were about 12 people who attended. Most of the people in the meeting I've seen in the shala but have never spoken to them. Since I don't practice there regularly, I don't get the chance to socialize. We all had lunch at a Thai restaurant near the shala. Amanda was the one who was leaving the earliest sometime in July. I leave next and a group of women will be there a month after I arrive. Not everyone was leaving. Some of the people were still in the planning stages and no time frame was set. Mysore here we come!!!!

I decided to take yesterday off. It was a much-needed day of rest. Started the day with yoga. I was planning on taking a yoga day off too but decided to practice. I took today off from yoga and tomorrow is a moon day so I should be good on Friday. Anyway, I did a few errands (oil change & tire alignment), got a haircut and had a nice long lunch at Govinda's. I think I actually chewed my food.

Later that afternoon, I treated myself to an amazing massage. I knew Hortenzia was a good therapist but I didn't realize she was absolutely amazing. I've worked on her a couple of times before but I never had her as a therapist. Since she didn't have anyone after me, she worked on me for an hour and a half, even if I was only scheduled for an hour. She has amazing hands and great technique. Normally I would trade massage but I just needed to treat myself. It was a much-needed treat and I feel so much better. The rest of the day I was just chillin. I watched a movie and part of the Laker game (that was a disaster). I need more days like this.

After taking Wednesday and Thursday off from yoga, I was hoping for a strong practice today. Unfortunately that didn't happen. I felt so sluggish this morning and at some point was just going through the motions. I did sleep late last night though. I had a 2-hour private massage client and didn't get home until 11PM. I think I did sleep well though. For some reason, I just woke up tired. I did get out of practice in one piece though and for that I am grateful.

Last night I had India food. I found this really good and cheap Indian restaurant close to home. I think I've eaten there already twice this week. I really shouldn't be eating too much India food coz that's all I'm going to be eating in a few months.

Earlier this week I order a new black yoga mat; also know as the ashtanga mat. I got it today. Most yoga mats will only last me 2 to 3 months. I bought my last black mat 4 years ago and I'm still using it. I decided to get a new one because the jump back marks are getting bigger and sticky portion is fading. I'm going to be gone for a while so I thought I should get new mat. I'm not using it until I leave. I'm not ready to let go of my old mat yet.

This weekend was no different from any other weekend the past few months. I had 4 massages on Saturday and another 4 on Sunday. The Sunday shift was slightly different though. Since it was Father's Day, my first 3 clients were male and my last one was female. Normally 70% of my clients are female. I have nothing against working on men but the reality is that men are harder to work on because they tend to be much bigger and their muscles are so dense. Yesterday, my first 3 clients were all over 6'2� and definitely all over 220 lbs and they all wanted deep tissue massage. Sometimes, I think that we should consider charging based on weight and body density instead of a per hour rate. After my third client, I just felt so drained that I was happy to find out that my last client was about 5'6� and probably less than 120 lbs. All she wanted was a firm Swedish massage. The irony is that she tipped more than the men did. After that shift, I was just exhausted.

After taking Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday off from yoga, I was expecting a good practice on Sunday. Sunday's class starts at 8AM but the shala opens at 7:30AM. I purposely came early because my massage shift starts at 11AM. I figured it would give me time to get home, take a shower and have breakfast. Well, the receptionist never showed up and the teacher arrived a little after 8. My practice started late and I spent most of my time looking at the clock. I was hoping to get out by 9 but since we started late I didn't finish my practice until after 9:30. Needless to say, it was a terrible practice.

Yesterday, I was craving food from Happy Family. It's a Chinese vegetarian restaurant in Monterey Park. It's a good 30-minute drive one-way from where I live. Since it was Sunday, I thought I could make it in 20. I was wrong. The traffic on the 10 freeway was terrible and I got there in 40 minutes. Anyway I got my two favorite dishes fish with hot bean sauce and orange peel chicken. Keep in mind that it's both fake fish and chicken. It was really good though. I got enough for about 3 meals. It was worth the drive.

I got to bed at around 9:30 last night. I figured I'd be easily awake by 5:30AM and ready for my 6:30AM practice. I slept well last night but for some reason I felt exhausted. I normally only need 6 to 7 hours sleep but this morning my body just refused to get up. I stayed in bed until 7:30. My energy level the past few days has been low. Is this a cycle thing? I know I haven't gain weight lately. So what's going on? I hope it will just pass.

Why am I blogging?

1. I'm blogging because I'm bored with work and it's a good way to pass the time. I can surf the net all day but my employer monitors all our surfing so blogging is just a break from work. I'm really sick of work so the day just drags. I should be working now but I just don't feel like it. Now that I think about it, I realize that nobody grows up thinking that one day he wants to be an accountant. I became an accountant because I was good with numbers and that it was a good way to earn a living. It pays the bills and I know I will always have a job. Accountants are a necessary evil. Businesses need their accountants but don't necessarily like them. Anyway, when you've been doing what I've been doing for so long, blogging is an escape from the reality of the accounting profession.

2. I'm such a terrible writer. They say that practice makes perfect. I've always envied people who are amazing writers. Just maybe if I write long enough, I'll be able to express my thoughts in a more intelligent manner. For now, this will have to do. I would like to compare this blog with my blog entries 20 years from now and say that I've improved my writing skill. That is my hope anyway.

3. I've been reading other peoples ashtanga blogs and I'm inspired by their experiences and thoughts. Blogging makes me a part of that community who are as crazy as I am. I've always felt that amongst family, friends and peers, I'm the crazy one. I spend so much time explaining myself and I always get that are you crazy look. This will be especially true when I go home to the Philippines and people will start asking me, “Why the hell are you going to India?� It's nice to know I'm not alone. Yoga can be a very lonely journey and most of the time I feel like I'm really alone.

4. It would be nice to keep a journal of my thoughts through the years and how I have grown as a person. It's funny how things seem so right one day and then you realize it's totally wrong a few years later. I think its part of learning and growing up. We realize what idiots we used to be. Change is the only thing permanent in life. I'm just documenting all my changes.

5. I'm about to embark in an amazing journey and like others before me; I just want to document my Mysore experience. But my journey does not begin and end with my Mysore journey. It has already begun. Everything I'm doing now is part of that journey and everything after only enhances my Mysore experience. I don't even really know what I'm looking for in Mysore. I may not even find it while I'm there. I may find it years after I have left Mysore or I may never find it at all but I know it's going to be a great experience and I'm fine with that.

6. When I'm frustrated, angry and sad, blogging is a better alternative to driving my car over the cliff. It's much safer and I always feel much better after.

7. One day when I'm old and my memory start to fail me; I can read my blog and recall all my good and bad memories. My hope is that I live my life in my own terms and that I cherish every moment.

8. Maybe one day if I have children (which is a big maybe), they would find my blog and realize that their old man was cool after all or just plain crazy. I think this is stretch but you'll never know.

Yesterday I took another yoga day off. I was just tired. Normally if I don't do yoga, I would either go for a hike or a swim. I feel that I need to expend all the energy I have at the end of the day to get a good night sleep. Anyway I didn't do either. My body was just telling me to just rest and I did it. Although my sleep last night wasn't the greatest, it was OK. I've been having bad yoga days last week so I didn't know what to expect today. The rest really helped because I had a great practice. I got in a little late but other than that I was really happy with practice. I still think I'm on a down cycle though but it's slowly improving.

Today I've been looking for Sara McLaughlin tickets. I think she writes beautiful music and she has an amazing voice. I once told myself that if she ever comes to town for a concert, I would not miss it. I should have got my tickets 3 months ago but I initially had a July 15 departure date and her concert is scheduled on July 14. If I had left on July 15, going to a concert would be chaotic. Since I'm no longer leaving on July, I've been scrambling for tickets. I want good tickets and I don't mind paying a premium. I checked Ticketmaster and all they have are bleacher tickets. I still I haven't figured out how I going but I'm considering on to Staple Center on the concert date and scalp myself a ticket. We'll see what happens.

There are good days and there are not so good days. Today is a not so good day. I'm been trying to decide on when I should give notice to my employer. Today I feel like I just want to get it over with and tell them that I'm leaving but the smart thing would be to wait a few days. My original plan was to talk to my boss on July 1 and tell them that my last day would be July 31. I know that I'm giving one months notice and I'm required to give only 2 weeks notice. But my boss has been good to me and I think it would be a good gesture. A co-worker of mine suggested that I wait till after the July 4th weekend to give notice. Her reasoning is that since it's quite slow at work right now, they may ask me to leave immediately. I don't think so but I can see it happening. The good thing is, I really wouldn't mind leaving earlier. I've been saving the past two years and I've kept my overhead really low so that I have enough saved for the next 8 to 12 months. I also can pick up more massage shifts if it ever happens. I think that a part of me is not ready to walk away from the money. If I stay until July 31, I can easily save an extra $2000. At what point do we say we have enough or do we always want more? Going to work has been getting harder and harder. Physically I'm here but mentally and spiritually I'm definitely not. July 1 is only 8 days from now but it seems like its months away. Why do I even waste my time thinking about it and just let time fly by. I know that day will come but it doesn't seem soon enough. Why am I making such a big deal out of this? I feel like I'm carrying a heavy load and once I give notice, that load is lifted. I think I'll wait a few days.

I took Friday off because it was my oath-taking day. I am now officially a US citizen. The whole ceremony was held in the LA Convention Center at around 1PM. They needed a huge venue because there were over 3,000 of us who where sworn in and another 3,000 earlier that morning. The whole ceremony was actually very moving but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about getting my passport. After I got my certificate, I applied for my passport. I should be getting it in 2 weeks. The dominos are slowly falling. Once I get my passport, I can get my Indian visa. Mysore – here I come!!! There's nothing holding me back now.

Friday's practice was terrible. I'm angry and pissed at myself. Since Jorgen is touring with Madonna, he has his assistants running the class. One of his assistants is terrible at adjusting and I should have stopped him while I had a chance. He has the tendency of yanking you and forcing you to the posture. I think my ego got the best of me. A few weeks ago, I finally got my hands to touch the floor in prasarita padottanasana C so it's been an expectation of mine to do it consistently. Anyway, one of the assistants was adjusting me in this posture and he yanks my arms over. I tried to shift my weight forward thinking that my hand was already close to the floor. My mat was wet with sweat and I lost my footing and toppled over. I should have backed off and told him to stop but I didn't. In the process, I pulled one of my back muscles. I think it's my rhomboids because it feels like a deep muscle. I should have known better. Now I can feel a slight pain when I turn my head to the left. I hope it's not major but I'll know in a few days. When my month expires, I will have to consider practicing with Noah and Kimberly the next two month before leaving for Mysore. This is a reminder that it's important to practice with a qualified ashtanga teacher. Jorgen is a pretty good teacher but that assistant has no business teaching.

Friday night, a fellow therapist came over and we traded massages. I worked on her first and then she worked on me after. Since I got the massage second, I didn't have to get out of the table. I eventually sat up, hugged my friend. After my friend left, I literally crawled my way from the massage table and straight to bed. Now life doesn't get better than that. We agreed that next time I'll drive to her place so she could do the same.

Today I decided to go to downtown LA and walk around the garment district. I don't know the downtown area very well because I hardly go there. Anyway, I picked the wrong day coz it was hot as hell. I was looking for a big duffle bag with wheels to use for my trip. I finally settled for a $25 duffle bag. I'm really happy with what I got because I thought I would spend a lot more. It was definitely worth the drive.

I practiced this morning and on Sunday but skipped yesterday. The assistant that yanked my arm last Friday teach on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I just wanted to avoid him because I know I will say something I would regret. I think it’s a cultural thing. I think Filipinos in general don’t like to confront people; we’re less vocal than westerners. My back is still slightly sore but it shouldn’t affect my practice. I plan to practice at home tomorrow because my cleaning lady is coming over first thing in the morning. Thursday will probably be my last day at Jorgen’s and on Sunday I’ll start practicing at Noah and Kimberly’s shala in Silverlake until I leave. Practicing there is much safer and I don’t want to travel to Mysore injured. I always look forward to practicing there but the drive from Silverlake to Century City in the morning is going to drive me crazy. It’s about 45 minutes of surface streets at rush hour. The things I do in the name of yoga. I must be crazy.

I spoke to another co-worker yesterday and told her I was leaving soon. I asked her when I should give notice. She initially suggested that I wait till after July 4 weekend but she later found out that my boss will be undergoing chemo next week. We agreed that I should do it this week before he goes into chemo. I’m going to break the news tomorrow, I’m ready and it’s time to move on.

I love bodywork because I always meet the most interesting people. When I give a massage, I normally don’t want to talk and I hate it when my client talks to me because I lose my focus and my rhythm. Last night was an exception. My client and I talked throughout the whole session and we had an instant connection. She was a lady in her forties who is lawyer that used to work in New York as a talent agent. She eventually moved back to LA after she had enough of the rat race and started working part-time as a lawyer. Since she was only working part-time, she started writing a book about a single lady in New York. A few weeks ago, her book was published and she just got back from a book tour. Her life is interesting to me because a year from now I think I’m going to be in her same situation - poor but happy. We talk about a lot of other things and I told her about my journey. The title of the book is “The Misadventures of Maria O’ Mara�. I don’t know if I going to read it but I will definitely buy it. I always admire people who follow their passion regardless of the consequences. These are the people I admire most.

Before I forget, this is my first blog entry directly to ashtangi.net. All previous blogs were transferred from blogger. I just wanted to thank Julie for all the help.

I broke the news today. Since my boss was at home recovering from his surgery, I emailed him and asked him when it would be a good time to call. Ten minutes later he calls me. I told him I was leaving at the end of July and if he needed more time I could give him an extra week. He said that he wanted as much time as I could give him. We agreed that August 6 would be my last day. We talked for a while about where I was going and what I was doing. He was very supportive. I would have given him more time because he is a good boss and a great person but Mysore is calling me. I just realized how lucky I have been. I don’t know why I was so stressed last night and this morning but now I feel so relieved. I have now closed a window but I know I can open it anytime.

Last night I had a female client who was having back problems. She said her whole back was tight and that she felt miserable. I asked her if she wanted a nice relaxing Swedish massage or some deep tissue work. She said that she normally gets a Swedish massage but she wanted some deep tissue. She had never had any deep tissue so I warned her that it could be painful and unpleasant but more therapeutic. I could tell by our conversation that she hasn’t had that much bodywork. I told her that I will play around with the pressure and if at any time she felt the pressure was too much, I would back off. I started warming up her back and I instantly felt tightness on her shoulders and lower back. I told her that I was just warming her up and she laughed because she thought the pressure was good enough. I told her that if she wanted me to stick with a Swedish massage I would do that. She insisted on getting deep tissue work. I started working on her upper back and slowly increased the pressure. She started moaning and groaning. I asked her if she wanted me to back off but she insisted that I continue. All throughout the first half of the massage she kept moaning, groaning and complaining and each time I asked her if she wanted me to back off. I couldn’t get a positive word from her. In deep tissue, there is a fine line between good pain and just painful. I was working on that edge. I occasionally threw in a joke to get her mind off the pain. Midway through the session she could feel her muscles loosen and I finally got a positive word from her. Although she was still in pain, she started laughing. Now that I got her laughing I could even go deeper. Her muscles started to let me in. We decided to just laugh about her pain the rest of the way. It actually felt like we were in a comedy show because we couldn’t stop laughing. After the massage I asked her how she felt. She smiled at me and then gave me a big hug. It’s moments like these is when you know that life is worth living.