Road To Mysore

Last night I spoke to my mom. She reminded me that she turns 71 on July 17 but she still looks like she’s in her sixties. She’s got that Asian thing going for her. I think my mom is the only person in my whole family who understands what I’m going through. I don’t think she agrees with it though. The whole India thing and yoga thing really throws them off. Filipinos dream of going to the US or to Europe. I don’t think going to India is even an option so I expect a lot of the “Why the hell are you going to India look!!!� when I’m there.

I initially wanted to leave on July 15 and be there for her birthday but because of the whole citizenship thing I couldn’t. My older sister and brother will be there though. I love my sister and brother but I think I will enjoy my time in the Philippines more when they’re not there. Growing up in the Philippines, we had our own friends and did our own things. We only got closer when we all moved to the US. My dad once told us that when we’re in the States we will only have each other, so moving here made us closer. I already have my days planned out. When I get home, these are the things I am looking forward to:

1. When you grow up in a country with over 1,700 tropical islands, you know the beaches are to die for. I’m going to have to get a refresher course coz my friends are going to take me scuba diving. I grew up in the island of Cebu and the beaches there are crystal clear. I can’t wait to go island hopping, snorkeling and chilling on a hammock under coconut trees. I love that fact that you can stand in shoulder deep water and still see your feet.

2. Jackfruit, Cebu mangoes, a gazillion varieties of bananas, Ormoc pineapples and all the other fruits I can’t get in LA. Fresh jackfruit is by far my favorite fruit. I normally don’t stop eating it until my stomach aches. I recently heard that there are jackfruits in India so I can stuff myself up for 6 months instead of 1. Cebu mangoes are the best in the world. They’re sweet, yellow and not fibrous like the ones we get here from Mexico. Ormoc pineapples are very sweet and crispy but not as juicy.

3. Hang out with family and friends. My mom had 8 brothers and sisters and my dad had 7. I now have a gazillion cousins, nephews and nieces. I don’t even know some of their names. I’ve also kept in touch with friends from grade school, high school and college. My social schedule is going to be booked.

4. Recently, I’ve been seriously considered going into physical therapy school. My cousin runs the physical therapy center of one of the university hospitals and I plan to hang out with her and observe. Her husband is an orthopedic surgeon so I want to observe a few surgeries too.

5. Not having to cook, clean and do laundry. It’s always nice to have house help.

6. I’ve always wanted to learn how to ride horses so I’m taking lesson while I’m there. I know it’s cheaper there and I have the time.

7. My cousin told me that the massages aren’t very good but there cheap so I’m going to have some.

This morning’s practice was pretty good. My back is feeling much better. I think it’s going to be the last time I’m going to be practicing in Brentwood. Next week I’m going to have to be in bed by 10PM. Since I’m going to have wake up around 5AM to be at Silverlake by 6:30AM. I will have to drop my evening massage shifts so I can be home early. Now that I think about it, it’s amazing how I’ve had to adjust my life and lifestyle so many times just so I can practice yoga. Is this what they mean when they said that yoga changes your life?

I just found out that Noah and Kimberly are out of town and won’t be back until the 8th. Matt Corigliano (Dominic’s son) will be teaching Sunday and Rolf Naujokat will be taking over with Matt assisting until Noah and Kimberly gets back. I’ve heard so many good things about Rolf so I’m really excited. I think his the only certified German ashtangi. Matt has been assisting for the summer and his good too.

Although the “Road to Mysore� officially started last November while I was at the Esalen Institute many things had to happen before I could focus my energy to letting it really happen. About two years ago, I made a commitment to paying off my credit card. For the last 5 years before that, I was carrying a substantial balance, which would occasionally go down but will always go back up. There was always something that needed to be bought. It was an on going battle I always seem to lose. I think most Americans understands this. A friend of mine suggested that I make a list of things I need to do to accomplish that goal. It was important to write it down and read it every morning. I found that list and it looked like this:

Second Goal - Payoff Credit Card Bills

· Watch what you spend, think before spending. I know I really want it but do ask the question – Do I really need it? Can it wait?
· No major massage class until next year.
· Stay away from movie theaters, wait for the video in the dollar video store
· Minimize watching TV
· Lessen your volume when food shopping
· Every dollar counts
· Try to do more massages to make extra income.
· Don’t eat out too much. Try to take out the food instead of eating in the restaurant.
· Iron your own shirts
· Payoff at least $600 per month on your credit card.
· Put some money on your 401K
· Save, Save, Save – Be more conscious – meditate.
· Work hard – you really don’t want to lose your job. It’s not going to help your cause.
· Don’t check the sports news first thing in the morning. Try to work right away and maybe check it later that day.

To achieve these goals, I would need the following qualities:
1. Determination
2. Focus
3. Patience
4. Positive Attitude
5. Flexibility
6. Perseverance
7. Gratitude

Things to do on a regular basis
1. Exercise – yoga at least 3 times a week, swimming twice a week and hiking twice a week. Stretch before working out.
2. Organize your life, your work and your home.
3. Plan your week
4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate – Focus
5. Get good rest
6. Take the time to slow down your life
7. Surround yourself with good people, you don’t need negative energy
8. Take the time to thank GOD for everyday and for every blessing.
9. Enjoy the moment, live each moment and don’t look too far ahead.
10. Be happy with where you are in life and know that it’s going to get better.
11. Love yourself!!!!
12. Take the time to read this everyday either first thing in the morning or before you sleep.
13. Take the time to check in with yourself once a week.

I wrote this on August 1, 2002 and set my target date at February 28, 2003. Now that I look at this list, I realized I could have added more stuff but at that time this is what I thought of. I had 3 goals in that list and only accomplish 2, which I was very happy with. In early January I had paid off the whole balance. Since I made it a habit of paying $600 or more on my credit card, I decided to continue setting that amount and instead put it in a savings account. At that time I thought I was saving the money to buy a condo. In late January I was in escrow for a condo but the whole deal fell through. I felt the price was too high but in hindsight I was wrong. By September I started picking up massage shifts at a place in Santa Monica. Now I was saving even more and still hoping to buy a condo. Real estate still kept going up and there was no supply for condos. Here I was sitting with this money and I couldn’t use it to buy anything. By October I decided I no longer wanted to buy a condo but since I was in the habit of saving, I continued to save.

In November I was in Esalen sitting with this German girl. I now remember her name – “Dani� (see the first blog entry). I was talking with Dani and she told me about her experience in Mysore. I envied her because I have always dreamed of going to Mysore but I was afraid to and I didn’t have the money. The money part was no longer true. I did have the money. I think subconsciously I was saving the money for Mysore. Dani took that fear away and my fellow workshop participants confirmed that it was OK to walk away from a professional career. I think that week all the stars were aligned because it felt like the most logical thing to do. I’m still saving and will continue to until I leave.

Started practicing at Noah’s (Ashtanga Yoga Shala) last Sunday. My month at Brentwood yoga ends tomorrow so I won’t be going there anymore. Matt taught the Sunday class alone and Rolf joined him yesterday and today. Rolf will be at the shala tomorrow before Noah & Kimberly get back on Thursday. For some reason I expected him to be a little younger. He seems like a very simple person. There is no air about him. He just went about adjusting people and occasionally gave tips on how to get into certain postures. I was in the impression that he would be very strict like a drill sergeant but he wasn’t. That’s what I heard and that’s what I expected. I noticed that a lot of senior ashtanga teacher are very unassuming. They don’t pretend to be the guru. They’re just there to help you. They don’t try to use big words or impress you with there wisdom. It’s really about the practice.

When I first moved to LA, I made sure I would practice with all the “big� name teachers. The names you see in the yoga journal or those who had videos or books. I noticed a few things about these teachers. First, they loved to hear there own voices. They would always use big words and had the same message but would say it in a million different ways. In retrospect, they really didn’t say anything. Second, it was all about them. They were the guru and they sincerely believed they were the best. The whole room revolved around them and you were one of the followers. And lastly, you rarely got adjustments. In contrast, good ashtanga teachers don’t say much, give great adjustment and are very humble. Rolf is like that. I’ve also noticed that ashtanga teachers who have distanced themselves from Guruji tend to be arrogant. They want to be the “next guru�. They remind me of a used car salesmen. There are a lot of them out there.

In a previous blog, I mentioned that when I pay $15 per class I tend to be more focus. That’s partially true. Last Sunday, I decided to pay monthly at the shala. My practice the past 3 days were all quite focused. I realize that energy of the room and the teachers you’re with play a big part of it. Everybody in the room is so focused and you can just feel it. I think we draw from each other’s energy. I also know I cannot afford to let my mind wander while I’m at the shala. The last time that happened, Kimberly gave it to me. If I do wander, I don’t make it obvious.

The drive from the shala to Century City took me 50 minutes. I think I took the wrong route. It didn’t bother me though because I expected it. If I were an LA driver, I would have made it in 35 minutes. After yoga, I just feel too centered to be weaving from one lane to another. I just stayed in my lane and waited. I figured that if they decided to fire me because I’m late, I could always get unemployment while I’m in India.

Last Sunday, I watched the movie “Fahrenheit 9/11�. I thought it was a really good movie. Michael Moore just confirmed what I already believed. I don’t want this to be a political blog so I’ll end here.

The past 8 months has been intense. It has been all work, work, work and save, save, save. My body is feeling it now especially my neck. Last weekend, I did 6 massages on Saturday, 4 massages on Sunday and another 4 on Monday since I was off from my real job. Last night it finally caught up on me. I was scheduled to do one a 7PM and another at 8:15. I was too tired to do both, so I begged another therapist to pick up my 8:15 and she did. The massage I gave at 7PM was a nightmare. I was so tired. I could barely focus and I was just praying for the hour to go by. That morning I had to get up at 5AM to get to the shala by 6:30 so it was a very long day. I went home right after the massage and was in bed by 9PM. I don’t know why I’m still pushing myself. I’ve hit my saving goals and now it’s time to smell the roses. When you’ve been going full speed for a long time, slowing down could be difficult.

Tonight I decided to hit the Russian bath. I love going to the Russian bath. It reminds me of those Russian mobster movies because a lot of the people that go look like they’re from the mob. I’m always the only Asia but I still go. I love going to the Russian hot room, which is extremely hot, and then jumping into a cold plunge. I do that about 4 or 5 times. If anyone is interested, it’s on Pico and a few blocks east of Fairfax. It’s not a very good area but it’s reasonably priced and the Jacuzzi and sauna are really hot. It’s great after a nice hard practice. I always sleep well after the bath. Later this week I’m going to schedule a massage. I’m not trading though. I think I’m paying for the next one. I’m giving my hands a break. I’m also taking Saturday off. I haven’t decided on what I’m going to do. When your working everyday, you don’t have to think about these things.

Since I got to bed early last night, I woke up at 4:30AM. I got to the shala pretty early and started my practice by 6:20. Although the class formally starts at 7, there are normally about 7 to 9 people already practicing including Matt. I slept so well last night so practice was a breeze. Rolf got in late because of LA traffic so I was already closing my practice when he arrived. I left the shala and got to work in 45 minutes. That’s a 5-minute improvement from yesterday. This morning I tried Beverly Blvd. Yesterday, I used Olympic Blvd. and tomorrow I’ll either try Wilshire or Santa Monica. By late next week, I’ll figure out the fastest route.

Today was my 5th straight day practicing at the shala in Silverlake. Normally, my body feels all beat up on my 5th day and I struggle to practice the next day. That’s not the case today. There is a lot to be said about the space and the energy of the room. I can’t explain it. It’s almost magical. Is it the space, the teacher’s presence, the people around me, the energy of the room or a combination? Or maybe I’m just dreaming, hallucinating and/or just crazy? I’m so focused at the shala and my practice seems so easy. I feel like I’m in autopilot and I just flow from one asana to another effortlessly. My breath is smooth and consistent. I’m just in the zone. I know I’m working because I’m always drenched with sweat. I love that feeling by the way. I think the Russian bath last night really helped me though. My muscles didn’t feel so sore and I slept so well. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow’s practice. I think I’m ready to practice 6 days a week. For the past 4 months I’ve been practicing 5 days week. It’s time to step it up.

Noah was back today. I didn’t see Kimberly though. Noah tried to see how far he can get me into Mari D. I’m sure he knew I wasn’t going to bind my hands but I think he wanted to know I far I could go. I got as far as my belly would let. I told Noah that I needed to get rid of my belly before I can make any significant progress in all my marichasanas. He agreed and assured me I would lose it in Mysore. I hope so.

I’ve been following Casey’s blog and I think he’s leaving today. He took some great pictures and posted it his blog. The past few days I’ve been debating on whether I should bring a digital camera with me to Mysore. I’ll have to buy one first but it’s not in my budget. Do I really want to bring an expensive camera to India? I have a cheap camera but the digital camera will be cool. I’ll think about.

I think I spoke too soon. Yesterday I was so gung ho about practicing 6 straight days. Last night I was in bed by 9:30 but could not sleep until 11. I still woke up at 4:45AM but I woke up tired. My practice was still pretty focus but I was starting to feel it. Noah suggested that I do a vinyasa after every side on seated postures. I told him that I tend to pace my practice knowing that I have a whole days work ahead of me and I tend to get wiped out if I do all the vinyasas. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of taking a nap after practice. Better yet, I don’t have the luxury of taking a shower after practice (“Italian baths� and a lot of deodorants don’t count). He understood and suggested that I do what I can. I think I’ll slowly add more vinyasas. One day I hope I can practice everyday like it was my last practice and just go after every posture. Dominic once told me that the beauty of practicing in Mysore is that you don’t have to do anything after practice. You don’t have to drive anywhere or do anything. It’s all about the practice. Somebody told me that when he was in Mysore, he would practice first thing in the morning, take a shower after practice, have breakfast, sleep all day, have dinner, then go back to bed and start everything all over again. I think that what I’m looking forward to the most.

I took Amanda’s advice this morning and took Olympic Blvd. I made it to work in 40 minutes (another 5-minute improvement). I don’t think I’ll ever make it in 30 minutes. I’m a slow driver and I’m even slower after practice. I’m too spaced out. I think I’ll stick with Olympic.

I’ve been reading everybody’s blog and I’ve noticed a lot of the bloggers are starting second series. That makes me feel like a complete beginner, not that it should matter. I normally start closing my practice after navasana, second series is nowhere in sight. Genetically, I’m built like a linebacker. I have huge thighs and calves and I’ve never lifted weights. I played a lot of soccer and basketball growing up (explains why hips are tight and lotus is for now only a dream) and I love to swim (marichasanas are a killer for me). That hasn’t stopped me though. I love ashtanga yoga and I love my practice. Surprisingly, my forward bends and back bends are relatively good. My practice has taught me to accept where I am and work with what I have. I know I’m in for a very long journey ahead of me but it’s going to be a blast. Practice, practice, practice and all is coming.

A few days ago while I was having lunch with a friend in Century City, I noticed a runner running without a shirt. Everybody around him were people all dressed for work. I thought to myself..."that should be me"

Finally got my passport this morning. Next stop, Indian visa and plane ticket. I still confused about the whole Indian visa thing. I've heard so many versions on how it works. I'm worried that they would give me only 3 months since it's my first time. That would certainly screw up my plans and I may end up going to India before I go to the Philippines. That doesn't bother me but my mom will be very disappointed. I'm meeting with the visa facilitator at noon to straighten things out. Hope to clear up the confusion today.

Took off from massage today. I haven't had a Saturday to myself in a long time. I have a long list of errands to do and I'm hanging out with my brother in Orange County. He leaves with his family for the Philippines on Monday.

Thank God it's Saturday. I needed the day off from yoga too. I just realized that the next moon day is Aug 16. July 17 & 31 are moon days but they fall on a Saturday. I hope I can get through this month without missing practice. I know that if I'm tired, I would rest, but I just want to know if I have the discipline to practice consistency.

Today I need to figure out my "pasalubong" situation. Pasalubong are gifts you bring for you family and friends when you go home. Everybody expects it and you don't want to disappoint them. That's just the way it is. I need to determine what to bring and how much to spend. My brother is bringing me to Costco for that.

I spoke to the visa facilitator last Saturday and he answered all my questions. He assured me that he could get me a minimum of 6 months and if I wanted a one-year visa he could also arrange for it. He suggested that we send our application on the first week of August so that it would be good until early February. I’m glad that’s all settled, so I decided to call to my travel agent this morning and booked my flight. There are a few adjustments that need to be made but as a whole it looks good. I’ll give details when it’s finalized.

I’ve finally slowed down. I’ve cut the number of massages to about 8 to 10 from a high of about 14/week. Now I get to bed much earlier to get to the Silverlake shala at around 6:20AM. I don’t think I could ever completely slow down. It’s not in my nature. I need to constantly do something.

I spent most of Saturday with my brother and we ended up shopping. He needed to get more stuff for my parents and sister. I haven’t done that in a long time so I spent more than I normally do. My sister calls it “therapy�. I’m glad I got some new clothes because I’m the type of person who likes to wear the same clothes again and again. When it comes to fashion, I have none. After office hours, I’m just dying to get out of my work clothes and change into a T-shirt, shorts or sweat pants and flip-flops. Comfort has always come before fashion.

Last Sunday, Dominic Corigliano was at the shala practicing. He didn’t stay to assist but I was able to talk to him before I started my practice. It was nice to see him. He is one of my favorite ashtanga teachers because I’ve learned so much from him and his easy to talk to.

This morning’s practice was pretty good. Noah helped me get deeper in Mari A. Normally I'll bind my arm closer to the knee because my shoulders are tight (all that swimming). This morning he brought my arm closer to my ankle. I know that this is how it should be but with my tight shoulders and my belly, I can’t bind that way on my own. It felt good though and the posture felt so much deeper. He also showed me a different way of approaching navasana (not one of my favorite postures). I’ve been doing it the lazy way for such a long time. It was a more difficult approach but I can see the benefits. I realized that I need to love the postures I hate.

The Sarah Mclachlan concert is this Wednesday and I was planning on going to Staples Center to scalp me a ticket. I've been trying to get good seats from the different people I know and they couldn't help me. Today, the music gods answered my prayers. The executive assistant of the managing director of our firm said she had two extra tickets and that I could have it. She could have kept it for herself coz her husband likes Sarah but she decided to give it to me. She rocks!!! :) Our firm owns four seats in the Staples Center so they have first option on buying any concert tickets. They just buy the tickets and give it to clients. Since none of our clients wanted it, I got myself 2 tickets and a parking pass.

I just realized that yesterday was my blog’s 3rd month anniversary. I’m surprised because I’m still blogging. I have never enjoyed writing but for some reason I’m enjoying this. Growing up in grade school, high school and college, I always hated reading and writing. I was the math guy. I’m more comfortable around numbers. The only things I read were textbooks that were required in school and the sports section. My dad used to force me to read during my summer vacation and I hated it. In those days, I would have rather played soccer or basketball. So what happened to me? Am I evolving? Am I becoming a well-rounded person (I doubt it)??? Now that I’m older I’ve gone out of my way to read a few books. I still struggle to read but now I’m making an effort. It will be interesting so see if I will still be blogging a year from now. I wonder if this is just a fad or something I will do for the rest of my life.

Practice this morning was good as usual. I started at around 6:45AM so I had to rush part of my practice. I noticed that an average practice in the Silverlake shala is still better than a good practice in the Brentwood/Westwood shala. I know I say it all the time but the space and the energy in the Silverlake shala is so much better. It’s very focused. Often times I’d wake up and am not in the mood to practice but once I get going I forget about how I felt earlier. I love this practice.

I just mailed two things today. First, I mailed a letter to my landlord giving him more than 30 days notice. I will be out of my apartment by August 20. The other thing I mailed was a check for $1,805 for my ticket. It would have been much cheaper if I had gone straight to India. The side trip to the Philippines cost about $600. My itinerary looks like this:

Los Angeles – Hong Kong – Cebu August 22
Cebu – Manila September 20
Manila – Hong Kong – Mumbai September 22
Mumbai – Bangalore – Mysore September 23
Mysore – Bangalore – Singapore – Hong Kong January 31
Hong Kong – Los Angeles February 2

So when all is said and done, I’ll be gone for about 5 months and 10 days. I’ll be in Mysore for a little over 4 months. Wow :) it’s really happening!!! Now comes the little details…what to bring, what not to bring, what to put in storage, what to give away, pay out all the bills, etc…

Yesterday, I spoke to my headhunter and updated my resume with him. He told me to email him a month before I get back. Since I’ll be back for the start of tax season, I want the option to work part-time once I arrive. I hope I’ll figure out other things to do when I get back. But if I run out of cash, I want my safety net in place.

Today, I sat down with the tax director. We went through my list of clients and determined what I needed to get done before I leave. My last day for work will either be Aug 5 or 6. He told me that he would keep the door open for me. I’m so lucky to have a boss like him. Unfortunately, if there was an open position, it will probably be a full time position. I hope I don’t have to work full time again.

Yesterday a friend of mine came over to borrow my wheat grass juicer and my planting trays. I’ve been drinking wheat grass every morning for the past two years. I believe in the long-term health benefits. I would take a 3 ounce shot about 45 minutes before practice and it never bothered me. Since practicing in the Silverlake shala, I can taste the wheat grass in my mouth midway through practice. It was becoming a distraction. Noah suggested that I drink it an hour and a half before practice or after practice. After practice won’t work because I go straight to work and if I juice it before practice and drink it after practice, it would not be fresh. An hour and a half before practice would mean I would have to wake up at 4:30AM. Getting up at 5AM is hard enough. So I decided to stop drinking it for now. This is another thing I’ve had to give up to accommodate my yoga practice. One of these days I’m going to make a list of things I’ve given up for yoga. It’s going to be a very long one.

Went to the Sarah Mclachlan concert last night. I have two words…absolutely amazing!!! Tina, I know you don’t know about my blog, but thanks for the tickets.

I wanted to take today off from yoga but I realized that tomorrow is a moon day and the next practice day is Sunday. I got home from the concert at around 11PM so I was a little worried that I couldn’t wake up. Surprisingly, I woke up before 5 and was at the shala by 6:15. My body felt beat up and it felt that way throughout practice. What surprised me the most is that even if I felt tired and beat up, my focus was still pretty good. I was actually even more focused than normal. I was so aware of my energy level that I just tried to practice as efficiently as possible. I’m at work right now and I’m just dying to go home. I’m looking forward to 2 days of rest from yoga and the massage I’m going to get tonight. Hortensia is coming over tonight to give me a 90-minute massage :) My body needs it so badly. Tomorrow, I pay her back.

You would think that now that I’m leaving this firm, all the back biting and stabbing would end. Some people have nothing better to do. I’ve never been a threat to anyone here because I really had no intentions on moving up in the corporate world. I knew early last year that I was leaving so I tried to keep a low profile at work.

I was talking to a co-worker earlier today and she started telling me that so and so is saying this and that about me, blah, blah and blah…I honestly don’t know why she’s telling me this. I’m leaving and the people that are saying this and that, I will probably never talk to again in my life. She insisted on yapping about this and that. I know that there is a group of people here who hate my guts and I honestly don’t care. I have maintained a good working relationship with the people who matter in this firm. That pisses them off because they think they matter but they don’t. They’ve wanted to get their hands on me but they can’t. The fact is I’ve done good work for the people who matter and as long as I continued to do that they can’t touch me. Now that I’m leaving you’d think they would be happy because they got rid of me but their not. I once said in an earlier entry, that the corporate world is filled with miserable people. They’re miserable in there personal life and they want you to be miserable with them. I used to get angry at this kind of behavior but I’ve reached a point in my life that now I feel more sorry for them. Get a life. Work is only there to pay for your bills. It’s not your life!!!

One of the ladies I work with is turning 40 soon and she’s been looking for the man who would make her complete. She’s miserable and everybody around her knows that. Who would want to live with someone like that anyway? I can’t seem to understand that kind of thinking. I’m single but I don’t feel like I’m incomplete. Am I supposed to feel incomplete? Why do you need someone to complete you? Can someone please explain this to me? I will admit that sometimes I wish I had someone to share my life with but if it never happens, I don’t think I’m going to lose any sleep. If I ever meet that someone, I will be happy. If I never meet that someone, I’ll still be happy.

Someone once told me a long time ago, “If your not happy with what you have at this very moment, you’ll never be happy.� I never understood that then because in those days I was so obsessed in making a lot of money and my happiness was tied into how much money I was going to make. Most of my co-workers will never be happy and I think they’re all resigned to the fact that will never change. They’ve given up. They’re miserable and they can’t stand the fact that someone else is happy. I am resigned to that fact that I will never be materially rich but I will be content with what I already have. I’m so ready to move on…

When I first started my blog, I didn’t tell anyone about it so I could say whatever I wanted to say. Initially it was supposed to document my journey to Mysore. It has now evolved into more that just that. It is now my space and I use it to vent out my frustrations, whine and say whatever I damn please. I really wasn’t sure if I was going to share it with anyone until Julie set up ashtangi.net. I joined ashtangi.net because I am a blog addict. I enjoy reading everybody’s blog and I was sick and tired of jumping from one link to another. I am hoping that all the blogs that I read will eventually end up in ashtangi.net (Russell, Casey, Jason, Yuiko, Amanda are you all out there).

Anyway, when I joined ashtangi.net, I didn’t realize the repercussions. I have very strong opinion about certain things and I have said things, which have offended other people. That was not my intention. I realized that I needed to be a little more careful with what I have to say. Ever since, I’ve toned down my opinions.

Well today, I just read Julie’s latest blog piece “It’s all yoga� and I totally loved it. I have now decided that my blog is MY SPACE. I will now say whatever I want to say. You are all welcome in MY SPACE and if you have anything nice to say I would like to hear it. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. I don’t want to know about it. If I offend you, get over it. If you don’t like my blog, don’t read my blog. Move on. I think this is what Julie was trying to say and I totally agree with her. She just said it in a nicer way. Thanks Julie, I’ve been wanting to say this. I feel better now:)

Now that I can say I have a daily practice, I can clearly see the value of Saturdays and moon days. Last Thursday my body was screaming for a day off. The two days rest on Friday and Saturday was much needed. I came back strong yesterday but today was a disaster. I had no energy in my body and I was just going through the motions of the practice. Seriously considering taking a yoga day off tomorrow. I’m trying to decide on whether to work through the fatigue or take a day off. How do people do it? How do you maintain a daily practice without burning out? Is burning out just part of the practice? I was tempted to ask Noah this morning but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear the answer. I’m considering taking off from work tomorrow so if I decided to practice, I could go straight back to sleep. I don’t want to miss practice because that is my commitment but I also need to listen to my body. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

The other day I was debating on whether to skip practice yesterday and give my body a rest. I decided to take a day off from my real job instead and practiced. I think I made the right decision. I still have 5 vacation days from work and I decided to use one of those days. I think I was just getting really tired from a combination of work and practice. I decided that practice was more important. I’m leaving my job anyway. I had an extra hour of sleep and if I was still tired I could take a nap after practice. I got out of bed yesterday at around 6:30AM and was in the shala by 8AM. The room was so hot by the time I started. It felt like a sauna and I was swimming all over my sweat. I love that feeling. I should have had one of those Mysore mats coz my black mat had little puddles and it was so slippery. I didn’t feel tired yesterday and I’m glad I practiced.

After practice, I headed home and just chilled for a while. I thought about napping but I wasn’t that tired. I try not to nap coz it ruins my sleep at night. Later that afternoon, I went out and did some “therapy�. The last couple of weeks I’ve been doing a lot of “therapy� and I think I will be doing more in the coming weeks. I have a whole list of things to get before I leave. I’ve spent the last 8 months just saving and to turn around and just spend is strange. For the most part, I’ve been quite discipline in what I buy but there are a few items I think I didn’t need. I’m sure I’ll stay within my budget though.

This morning, I was up quite early. I got to the shala by 6AM and started practice a few minutes after. It wasn’t as hot as yesterday but was warm enough. Practice was nice and easy. I think I flowed pretty well this morning. I wish I had more days like this.

I got this quote from the movie “Mona Lisa’s Smile� and it struck a chord in me. I know the movie was a chick flick but I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed it. I like this quote because I am a wanderer. I can never seem to stay in one place for a very long time. I easily get bored and I’m always looking for something else to do. Every time I start a new job, I would always think about my next job. I could never figure out how other people could work in one place for a very long time. I have never stayed in one job for more than 3 years. I think if I stayed any longer, I would have committed suicide.

One day early last year, I sat down with my headhunter and we went through my resume. I was ready to move again. He noticed that I never stayed very long in each job and he asked me why I left each job. I gave him very good reasons for leaving each job. He agreed that all my reasons were legitimate but said that, “At some point I’m going to have to be accountable for all my movements�. At that point, I just sat there and said to myself, “Holy shit, there must be something wrong with me, I must be cursed.� I decided at that point I should just stay where I was.

Well, as we all know now, that’s not going to happen. I started this job on November 1, 2001 and my last day is going to be on August 5, 2004. In less than 3 years, I’m ready to move again. Just recently, I’ve learned to accept the fact that I could never stay in one place for a long time. That is just my personality and now I realize that what I once thought of as a curse is actually my blessing. I think the world is too big a place to stay in one place and I cannot do the same thing for the rest of my life. I would die. A friend once said that, I not only have the characteristics of an Aquarian but I should be the poster child for that zodiac sign. She continued to say that in my eyes, marriage and death is the same thing. I think there maybe some truth to that but I think she went a little too far. I hope one day I could settle down but not just now.

I once met a person who is a massage teacher, massage therapist, training director of a spa and a psychotherapist. I asked her what she did full time. She said, “I don’t do anything full time.� When she told me that, I thought to myself, “that’s what I want to do�.

The next half of my life, I dedicate to my never-ending journey. I have been blessed with the desire to experience life in my own terms. I can never be what people expect me to be. I cannot stay in one job for the rest of my life. I love the excitement of change. When my life is changing, I feel alive. I want to be in constant motion and constant change. I maybe a wanderer but I am not aimless.

I briefly spoke to Hillary after practice. She leaves next week for Mysore and will be there for a month. Amanda leaves next week too, I think on Wednesday. I envy them. I want to leave with them now (patience). Lately, I’ve been counting down the days…13 days (last day from my real job)…29 days (before I leave for Cebu)…62 days (before I arrive in Mysore). It’s hard to live in the present when the future is more exciting. I won’t see Hillary when she’s there but Amanda will still be there when I arrive. A few days after I arrive, Ronda and Kerri will be arriving too. It’s going to be nice to see familiar faces.

Practice today was good. I was in bed early last night so I felt rested for practice. I think my stamina is increasing. The day off from work last Tuesday really helped too. Ever since I’ve start practicing regularly in the Silverlake shala, I’ve noticed that I feel full in my stomach. I don’t do wheat grass juice first thing in the morning and I am not eating late at night anymore. The wheat grass juice and the midnight snacks never use to bother me though. Is my digestion slowing down or am I going deeper in my practice? I would like to think that I’m going deeper in my practice. I’m more conscious with what I eat at night now and I try not to eat after 8PM.

Nothing exciting is happening this weekend. I picked up a few massage shifts and some private clients. I need to pay for all the “therapy� I’ve been doing. I’m going to be looking at digital cameras this weekend. I decided to get one for my trip. I still don’t know what my parameters are. I need to determine how much to spend for the camera, what features I need, what accessories and software I need and etc… This is too stressful for me. A friend of mine will be helping me decide all this. I know I’ll be tempted to spend more than I want but we’ll see.

I finally got my digital camera yesterday. A friend of mine helped me chose the camera because I had no clue what I needed to get. I settled for a Fuji camera, nothing fancy, hopefully functional. I’m glad to say I stayed within budget and didn’t get carried away. Now I need to figure how to use this damn thing. I could read the manual but I’m too lazy. My friend is going to sit with me and give me a crash course. I’m a visual learner so reading manuals can be frustrating.

Last night my neck and shoulders were bothering me. I was lucky because Ryan was free so he came over. I have never gotten any work done from him but I’ve heard a lot of good things about him from other therapists. I’ve spoken to him a couple of times and I could tell that he had this quiet confidence. I was not disappointed. He was really good. He did some things I’ve never seen or felt before. He went painfully deep. I know where most of my knots are but he found knots I never knew existed. We talked briefly after the massage and will probably trade in the future. I’m sure we can learn from each other.

I slept well last night but woke up really sore. I think it was a combination of the deep tissue massage I got last night, all the yoga I’ve been doing and the 8 massages I did this weekend. The yoga gods took my body away and replaced it with an 80-year-old body. I was so sore all over that I could feel pain in every little movement. It was a very slow practice and I was conscious of all the aches and pain. I wasn’t tired but I felt like an 80-year-old yogi. I hope they give me back my body tomorrow.

I spoke to Amanda briefly before she started practice. I wished her well on her trip. She leaves tomorrow for Mysore. As I was leaving the shala after practice, I glanced at her to wave her goodbye. She gave me that “I’m going to Mysore smile�. I’m so happy for her.

I got back my body this morning but decided to take the day off from yoga. Most of the soreness is gone but my body begged me to take the day off and I listened. Yesterday’s practice was so painful and unpleasant. I did not enjoy it. I have put so much pressure on myself to maintain a daily practice and for the most part I’ve done pretty well. Part of me wanted to go to practice this morning. I think that was my ego talking. I think there are times when you work through the fatigue and times when you just say “no�. Last week, I worked through my fatigue. Today I said “no�. I am at peace with my decision.

This morning I woke up with work in my mind. I promised my boss that I would finish certain tax returns before I leave. It’s been very difficult to focus on work these past few months. My heart left this place a long time ago. So today I hope to focus on the last few tasks I have to accomplish before leaving this place(10 more days).

Today’s practice was so much better. I am glad I took a day off. My practice was pretty good. Kimberly gave me hard time with my vinyasas in seated postures. She wants me to lift up my big fat ass before going to the push up position. I normally do it the lazy way and move my hands forward and go straight to chataranga. I’m slowly getting more conscious with all the little details of the practice. The whole lift up thing is just frustrating. My upper body is not strong enough to lift the rest of my body. Much of my strength comes from my lower body (all that soccer and basketball as a kid). The reality is that I not only need to strengthen my upper body but I also need to lose weight. Noah assured me that would happen while I’m in India. He joked about drinking tap water while I’m there too. I know I have a long way to go but I’ve noticed a lot of shuttle changes. Practice, practice, practice…all is coming (I need to remind myself).

I received my plane ticket this morning. I know my check cleared last week so I’ve been anticipating my ticket. It’s nice to physically have it. Please wake me up!!! Is it really happening? Next week I apply for my Indian visa. It’s too early to apply this week.

I skipped practice today. It’s the second day I’ve skipped this week. Maintaining a daily practice is much harder than I anticipated. Yesterday I made a mistake of picking up a massage shift from 7 to 9:15 last night. I got home around 10 and was in bed by 10:30. I woke up this morning with work in my mind again. I felt tired and I knew if I forced myself to practice, I would be a zombie at work. I’ve been stressing about this big return I’m trying to wrap up for my boss. Half of me is saying, “f**k this thing, I’m leaving anyway� but the other half does not want to disappoint my boss who is fighting colon cancer. His been good to me and he deserves better. I should have not picked up that shift last night but shifts have been harder to come by lately. I’ve told them that I want to pick up more shifts from Aug 7 to 20 so turning down the shift was not a good idea. It all boils down to balancing work and yoga. Anyway, I was glad to skip yoga cause I was able to focus on my real job and I should be able to finish the return by Monday. It’s a moon day on Sunday so next practice day is on Monday. I haven’t had 3 days rest in a long time. I’m really looking forward to just resting.

I know I have enough saved for my trip plus about 4 to 6 months after I get back but I seem to be paranoid about not having enough money. Last day of my real job is Aug 6 so I want to pick up as many shifts as I can from Aug 7 to 20 (2 days before I leave). I know I don’t have to work after Aug 6 but when I’m not working, I tend to spend. I can’t just stay home and do nothing. Not working is expensive because you have no money coming in plus your spending. It’s like a double whammy. In accounting we call it an “opportunity cost�…cost incurred for not working or for making a specific decision. One time I was supposed to pick up a shift but since I wasn’t booked yet, I decided to ask them to take my name out. Since I had the time, I decided that I would get a massage and then I went shopping. The amount spent on the massage, plus amount spent shopping plus the amount I would have earned if I had picked up the shift is called “opportunity cost�. I know it sounds crazy but that’s how accountants think. I know I have to do something about my convoluted mind but that just the way I’ve been trained to think. The thought of not having any money coming in while I’m in India is driving me crazy. I’m still learning how to slow down. It’s harder than I thought.