Road To Mysore

I finally finished that big tax return I was stressing about. I had to take some short cuts but I discussed them with my boss. I submitted it to him this morning for review and I don’t expect any material changes. From now to Friday, I’m on cruise control. I still have little stuff to finish and I need to turn over my clients to the guy that’s taking my place. I don’t think that’s going to take much time.

Practice the past two days have been good. The 3 days rest was much needed. The shala has been relatively quiet. I got an email from Amanda. She’s safely in Mysore. She didn’t say much so I hope to hear from her when she's settled down. I assume that Hillary is in Mysore too. She was supposed to leave last week and I haven’t seen her in the shala. I’m really impressed with the dedication of the students in the Silverlake shala. A good number of whom have either already been to Mysore or are planning to go soon. In the other shalas I practiced in LA, they never talk about going to Mysore.

Last weekend I was in the Camarillo Outlet Mall. My list never seems to end. I’ve never been to that mall so I was pleasantly surprised with the things I got. I got more clothes for myself but I had to get more stuff for family. Going home to the Philippines can be such a pain. I hate shopping for other people because I never know what to get them. I had to buy 3 pairs of shoes for my nephews and I had no clue on what kind of shoes to get them. My sisters are so good at these things. They shop the way I practice yoga…with passion.

This weekend I started going through my closets and determine what goes to storage, what I need to bring to India, what I’m going to give any and what I should just throw away. I do this every two years and I’ve been very good at throwing or giving things away. I’m always amazed by the fact that I buy things I never use and I end up throwing it. What a waste. I’ve given away a lot of things already. I expect to have about 10 to 15 boxes of clothing, kitchen items, linens, books and important documents. A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me what I was going to do with my furniture. Apparently, she’s never been to my apartment. My answer was simple, “What furniture?� I keep my furnishing to a bear minimum. My philosophy on furniture has always been, “If it cost more than a $100, it’s too expensive.� The rational behind this philosophy is obvious…when it’s time to pick up and go, it’s not difficult to give away. This week I’m going to start packing my winter clothes, camping gear and miscellaneous junk.

Today is my last day for work (deep breath). At 4PM this afternoon, I’m going to have my exit interview and by 4:05PM I will be officially unemployed. I told Noah & Kimberly that this morning after practice. Kimberly said that they would be blamed for ruining my life. Now I know who to blame:)

I still have a lot of small loose end to tie up today…cleaning my desk, turning over files, saying my goodbyes, reconciling K-1's and discussing open items. I can’t describe how I feel today. I have mixed emotions…excitement, fear, sadness, relief, apprehension, shock, excitement and more excitement. I will miss a lot of people here. I’ve been waiting for this day since November of last year and now that’s its here, words cannot describe how I feel. I don’t want to say that my journey starts here but this is definitely a major turn.

Yesterday afternoon I said goodbye to Tina. I wanted to make sure I talked to her because today is going to be chaotic. She’s the lady who hooked me up with the Sarah McLachlan tickets. She first thought I was joking and was surprised that she was not informed. She does a lot of administrative stuff for the firm like health insurance, parking passes and etc…She should have been informed earlier. She later called the human resource manager and she too did not know I was leaving. They hired a person to take over my position but were never informed that I was leaving. I thought that was funny because I told my boss 5 weeks ago. Anyway, today they’re scrambling to do all my paper work and I have to prepare my resignation letter...life in the fast lane. I'm glad I'm slowing down:)

The past few months I've watched time move at a turtle's pace. I've been so anxious about moving on with my life, it seemed like forever. Last Friday, everything changed. My last day of work was chaotic and the days that followed were no different. On my last day, I spent 2 hours finishing last minute work, 2 hours turning over files, an hour cleaning my desk, 10 minutes for my exit interview and 2 hours saying my goodbyes. I didn't realize that saying goodbye could be so difficult. I've worked with a lot of good people and I'm going to miss them. It's funny how much you want to leave when your there but when it's time to leave you want to extend it a day or two. I had mixed emotions that day...excitement, fear, apprehension, sadness, relief, excitement and more excitement:) I spoke to my boss before I left and he told me to call him if I wanted to go back to accounting. It's nice to know that I can always go back but if I do, I hope it's only part-time. I left the building a little after 5PM. As I drove out the parking lot I was emotionally drained.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my co-workers that day. When I told her what I was doing, she asked me to show her my keychain. She said that a person's keychain is a reflection of his resposibilities. I have 4 keys on my keychain(car key, apartment key, garage key and locker key). Earlier that day I had turned over 2 office keys, elevator card and parking card. Now that I think about it, I was not only turning over my office keys but I was turning over my responsibilities. When I leave for India, the only key I'll be carrying is the key for the lock of my travel bag. It's going to be strange to be carrying only one key.

I made sure I had a little more than two weeks after my last day of work to prepare for my trip. I was hoping I could just take my time, slow down, breath and enjoy a few movies. None of that has happen. A week has gone by and I still have so much to do before I can say I'm ready to leave. The past week has been spent cleaning my apartment, doing errands, making arrangements to close out utilities, packing what needs to go into storage, giving away things I don't need, seeing friends before I leave, buying last minute must haves and etc...Time is out of control and it doesn't want to slow down.

Practice at the shala the past week has been amazing. My focus and energy has been great. I am proud to say that I no longer skip vinyasas. I try to give it everything I have everyday. After practice last Monday, I told Kimberly that I was going straight back to bed:) I actually didn't but it was nice to know I had that option.

I finally received my Indian visa last Tuesday. I got the 6 month visa, I was stressing about. My visa expires on Feb 6, 2005 and I leave India on Jan 31, 2005.

Blogging now a days has become more difficult. I used to blog while I was at the office during lunch breaks. I blogged last Tuesday at a friends house but for some reason it didn't save and I lost everything. I don't have a computer at home so I found an internet cafe close to home. I'm glad it's reasonably priced.

I'm so glad that today and tomorrow are ashtanga rest days. After 6 straight days without skipping vinyasas, I just wanted a day off. The fact that I don't have to go to work after practice has given me a "let it all out mentality". Noah had given a lot of deep adjustments this week and I expect more next week. I think he knows I'm really serious about my practice. I can feel shuttle changes. There hasn't been any physical breakthroughs lately but I feel the changes are more internal and mental. This coming week will be my last week at the Silverlake shala before I leave and I hope to keep up my momentum. My biggest coming challenge will be to maintain my practice while I'm in the Philippines for one month. I won't have the luxury of the shala's energy or Noah's awesome adjustments. I know I'm going to have a lot of distraction while I'm home but I hope I can overcome them (8 more days to go:)

Yesterday, I got a massage from Geneva at her place. She lives on one of the apartment building off Ocean Front Walk in Venice Beach. We traded a tax return for a massage. She decided that we should do the massage on the roof deck of the building because her boyfriend was home sick (twist my arm). It was really sweet to get a massage, a tan and the ocean breeze at the same time. It reminded me of a massage from the Esalen Institute without the hot tubs and the waves crashing. Geneva has a shiatsu background so she hit a lot of pressure points. I was so exhausted from practice that morning that I past out midway through the massage. It was much needed bodywork.

I was initially hoping to pick up massage shifts until Aug 20 but I've been feeling so burned out that I decided that today was my last massage shift. I need to focus on all the preparation before I leave. My to do list never seems to end. Tomorrow I move a substantial amount of my things into storage and I haven't even packed them yet. It will get done but the process can just be stressful. I hope by Wednesday, I can slow down and breath. Hopefully watch a movie.

The past week has been an emotional rollcoaster. The excitement has worn down and has been replaced with fear, panic, stress, doubt and uncertainty. I should be all relaxed but I'm not. I should be enjoying this process but I'm not. There's so much preparation going on these days. I hope it gets better later this week.

Last week my landlord was pissing me off. We were supposed to meet so he can check out the apartment and return my deposit. He has never been reliable and has never fulfill any of the promises his made before. I had a feeling that I would have to fight to get back my deposit. He said he would come over but never did. He finally showed up yesterday so he could show the apartment to a prospective tenant. Surprisingly, he gave me back my deposit. Anyway, the coolest thing happen yesterday. The tenant that saw the place was not only Filipino but was from Cebu. We had an instant connection because we spoke the same dialect and we had common acquaintances. She had a friend who went to school with my sister. What a small world. She made my life much easier when she told me I could leave some of my stuff in the garage. I was stressing on how I was going to transport the last few items I had left in the apartment. I didn't want to rent a van because it's too little but too big to fit in my car. I have about 2 or 3 more boxes to pack so I know I'm getting there.

My dream of going to Mysore is no longer a dream. It's a reality. It has really sunk in the past few days when I was packing all my things and cleaning my apartment. I'm really leaving. Dreaming has been much easier because you have total control. Living the reality is a totally different ballgame. There is so much uncertainty but I know deep in my heart this is what I want to do. I would be lying if I didn't have expectations. I do have a few which I will maybe discuss in the future. My expectations though are reasonably realistic. I keep telling myself to accept whatever comes and appreciate both the good and bad from my experience but it's not easy. Why can't I be like one of those people who just takes life as it comes and not worry about anything? For most of my life, the path which I have taken has always been a certain path or a known path. The path I am now taking is uncertain and unknown. When I board the plane this Sunday, I say goodbye to my "old life" and say hello to my "new life". Wish me luck.

Practice at the shala was good but my mind would not keep still. I kept thinking of the things I still need to do before I leave. I got in late so the room warm and packed by the time I started practice. There were a lot of new faces and faces I haven't seen in a long time. I normally practice at 7AM and leave the shala before 9AM so I'm not really familiar with the 9AM students. I hope I'll have a better practice tomorrow.

Today I decided to take time for myself. I've been running around all week doing errands, packing and putting stuff in storage and seeing friends before I leave. After practice today, I spent a couple of hours at the Beverly Hot Springs along Oxford and Beverly Blvd. I've heard about it from friends before and have always been curious. It's not as high end as I thought it would be but it was good enough. I got there around 10AM and spent the next two hours going from the mineral hot springs to the cold plunge to the lounging chair and back to the mineral hot springs. I think I past out in the lounging chair a couple of times. My sore muscles are thanking me now. It was really nice to just be still and not think of what still needed to be done. I'll worry about that tomorrow. Today was about just being still. I need more days like this.

I think I have everthing under control now. My apartment is practically empty and I already have most of what I need to bring with me to Mysore. I have some last minute things I need to get for the Philippines. I promised a friend that I would get her chocolate chip cookies from Whole Foods. That's what she requested. I have to get that on Sunday so it gets to the Philippines still fresh. My sister wants some bagels which I will also get on Sunday. If I made a list of things I have to bring, I'm sure most of you will laugh. But if it makes my sister and friend happy, then I have no problem doing it.

This mornings practice was much better. My mind was a little bit more under control. The mineral hot springs yesterday really helped my sore muscles and I went through my practice quite smoothly. My flexiblity is still the same but my stamina is so much better. Although I have the luxury of taking a nap after practice, I rarely do. Psychologically, taking naps ruins my sleep at night. I must be getting in better shape too because I'm getting a little over 6 hours sleep everyday and I don't feel tired. I think the length of my sleep is shorter but the quality is much better.

Two weeks ago I was unemployed. Today I'm unemployed and homeless:) I did all my final packing today and left the key for the apartment for the new tenant. I now have 2 keys on my keychain. Everything I own is now in storage except for my car and the things I'm going to bring with me. Here's a quick inventory of my life's belonging:

2002 Honda Accord...$8,000
massage table...$700
massage supplies...$200
13" TV/DVD combo...$150
2 VCR's...$200
5 boxes of clothing...$1,500
5 boxes of kitchen & household items...$1,000
miscellaneous furniture...$500

Knowing that my life will never be the same...PRICELESS

"Respect yourself, respect your inner voice and follow it. And remember, I am not guaranteeing you that it will always lead you to the right. Many times it will take you to the wrong, because to come to the right door one has to knock first on many wrong doors. That's how it is. If you suddenly stumble upon the right door, you will not be able to recognize that it is right. So remember, in the reckoning no effort is ever wasted; all efforts contribute to the ultimate climax of your growth." Osho

For most of my life I was always told to do the right thing and for the most part I did. This is the first time I've been told that it's alright to do the wrong thing. I have done a lot of "right things" in my life but I can't seem to appreciate the "right things" I've done. I've decided to do what's normally considered "wrong" so maybe I can appreciate the "right things" I've done.

This morning I had my last practice at the Silverlake shala. I said my goodbyes to Noah and Kimberly and thanked them for everything. They both wished me well.

Tonight at 11:55PM, I board Cathay Pacific Flt 883 and follow my inner voice. A small part of me wants to stay and play it safe but I've worked too hard to make this happen. So there is no turning back. I have given up my future so I can live in the present. I've lived in the future most my adult life that I'm not sure if I know how to live in the present. I hope this journey teaches me how.

I've done this flight 4 times in my life and I don't think anything can prepare you for it. The flight from LA to Hong Kong was 14 hours, I had a 3 hour stopover at Hong Kong and the flight from Hong Kong to Cebu is another 2 1/2 hours. It is such a grueling flight especially the first leg...14 hours sitting on your ass. I was able to get 5 hours of sleep so the rest of the way I watched movies and TV. I'm glad that the planes now have individual TV's so you can decide on what you want to watch. Initially I had a window seat but midway through the flight I had to go to restroom and I woke up the mother and daughter I was sitting next to. The mother requested if they could slide in and trade seats. Twist my arm. I wanted an aisle seat so bad. The rest of the way was much easier coz I could get up anytime and let some blood circulate through my legs.

We arrived in Hong Kong at 5:30AM and I was so happy to get out of the plane. I think I'm claustrophobic. I was really impress with the Hong Kong Airport. It's new, clean and state of the art. They even had showers and beds to sleep in. I regret checking in my yoga mat coz I could have practice yoga when I arrived. The terminal was pretty empty and I could have picked a quite corner, practiced and taken a shower before heading for Cebu. Maybe next time.

The flight to Cebu was much easier. The plane was practically empty. I had 3 seats all to myself and could have slept horizontally. I chose not to sleep on this leg so I could get over my jet lag as soon as possible. On this flight I had a "blonde moment". I was sitting on my seat while some of the other passengers were slowly boarding. I noticed a small lady coming towards me dragging her hand carry about half her size. She stopped on the seat in front of me and was lifting her hand carry so she could put it up on the overhead compartment. The flight attendant was next to her helping her but was not that much taller. The good samaritan that I am, I reach my arms out to help and stood up. My seat belt pulled me right back on my seat. They both saw me, smiled and thanked me for attempting to help. They managed to put it on the overhead compartment without my help. I sat on my chair feeling like a total moron.

I arrived yesterday in Cebu at around noon and was greeted by the humid weather. I was happy to be home though. I haven't been here since 1999. I decided that the sooner I get used to driving here the more I can get things accomplished so I told the driver that I was driving home. Driving in the Philippines is totally different from driving in LA. The streets are so much smaller, people cross whenever they want to and if you don't know how to drive offensively, you'll never get anywhere. There is basically only one rule you need to follow...don't get into an accident...otherwise you'll be OK. It was strange driving though because they changed a lot of the routes and new buildings replaced the landmarks I was familiar with. Street sign are almost non-existent so if you don't know your way around...you'll get lost.

I had lunch with my mom & dad and after lunch, my mom and I had a haircut. While my mom's hair was being cut by the hairdresser, somebody was massaging my scalp. The hairdresser eventually cut my hair. My mom treated me and paid for my haircut. My haircut plus a generous tip cost 200 pesos or a little less than 4 US dollars (exchange rate is 1 is to 55). I feel like a millionare here. I still need to figure out what is considered cheap and what is too expensive because everything here seems cheap. My parents expect me to haggle because I'm a local but I really don't mind overpaying because the living conditions here for the less fortunate ones are really bad.

I think I got to bed too early last night because I woke up at around 3AM this morning. I sleep really well because this was the first time I slept horizontally in the last 36 hours. I started my practice at around 5AM. I was worried that I would get distracted because I didn't have the luxury of Noah & Kimberly staring down at me. Surprisingly, I had a pretty good practice. It's really warm here, even early in the morning that I could have gotten away with 3 A's and B's but I stayed with the 5 A's & B's. I used my black mat that I bought a couple of months ago for the first time. It was really sticky and it got slippery when my sweat began to drip. At one point, my left hand slipped as I was going down into chataranga and I strained my left elbow. I hope it's nothing major. I lost a little focus at the tail end of my practice but I finished it anyway. Maintaining a daily practice is going to be my biggest challenge while I'm here.

I have a feeling that time here will fly pretty quickly here. I'm so busy spending time with family, old friends, classmates and former co-workers. I grew up here, so I thought I could adjust pretty quickly. For the most part I have but I'm still battling the heat. It's really humid here and I hope my blood starts to thin out before I leave for India. I think that one of man's greatest inventions is the airconditioner. I sweat like crazy here. I change my shirt about 4 to 5 times a day and take a shower a minimum of 3 times a day. I guess this is a good transition for Mysore. I expect the weather to be similar to Mysore but I won't have any airconditioning ;). The good thing about the weather is I don't need to warm up before practice because I've already been naturally warmed up. I think I've been sweating a bucket every practice. I feel more flexible and I think I've lost some weight. I should stop complaining.

I'm pleasantly surprised with myself. I've been waking up at 3AM everyday and have been very discipline about my practice. I haven't missed practice yet, since I've arrived. This morning I woke up at 4AM and I think I'll maintain this schedule since that's what time I'm going to be waking up anyway. 3AM is too early because I get so sleepy by 8PM. I'm so focused with practicing everyday because I'm going to be in Mysore in less than a month. I think the fear of not being ready is driving me to practice consistently. I do miss the adjustment of Noah & Kimberly.

Nobody here practices ashtanga but those that I know are interested. A few of my friends have practiced with me and they said they like it but I don't see anyone of them practicing with me consistently. I have no intentions of being a yoga teacher but if friends ask me to teach them I will. It was actually nice to have someone practice with me.

Today I had my first horseback riding class. I've always wanted to learn how to ride a horse. I have this dream about riding a horse in an open field and just letting it go. I don't know why but I really like horses. I think it because in the Chinese horoscope, I was born in the year of the horse. Anyway, the first class was very basic. We were just going in circles, doing figure eights and a little trotting. I will be riding everyday until I leave. I love the fact that 5 one hour classes only cost a little less than $20. I wanted to also take a scuba diving refresher course but I may not have the time. I would rather focus on one thing and not spread myself too thin. I hope I can squeeze scuba diving though but if I can't I won't lose sleep.

Today, I had my 3rd horseback riding class. I'm starting to get a hang of standing and sitting while the horse is trotting. It's really tiring and I'm slowly getting my timing right. I'm still holding the saddle while I'm going up and down. I'm riding on an
English saddle so eventually Michelle, my teacher expects me not to hold the saddle. I've always wanted to ride horses. I think they're amazing creatures. Instinctively, I always try to massage them. I hope to start cantering next week.

I can't say I've totally adjusted to the weather. It's getting a little better but still humid. I can't imagine being here in the summer(March to May). I'm glad I brought a lot of shirts because I go through them pretty quickly.

My driving skills have vastly improved. I'm not as tense as I used to be but nowhere close to my sister's driving skills. It's amazing how she comfortably passes cars being half an inch away. The streets are so narrow that you get used to driving so close to each other.

Practice yesterday was not too good. It was a short practice because I had to leave the house early to drive south to Kawasan Falls. We were invited to go there for the day. It's about a 2 1/2 hour bus ride to the south. The water was nice and cold. We took a raft and went under the waterfalls. It was pretty cool.

Everybody here has a cellphone and I have been pressured by friends to get one. My dad doesn't use his much so he let me borrow his. I've learned a new skill...texting. Calling on the cellphone is relatively expensive so people here text each other. It's really a new skill which I don't have the patience for. It takes me forever to write one out, it's quite frustrating. They all do it so naturally. I'll get better.

Today, I parked the car in a nearby mall and road the jeepney(public transporation). I had to go to downtown to the university I went to. A friend of mine in LA asked me to request a transcript of record for her. While I was there, I walked around hoping to see some of my old teachers. I saw a few and chatted with them. Most of them had retired (I think I'm aging myself) and other had moved to other places. I had good memories here.

I know I'm supposed to be on vacation but when opportunity knocks, I have a hard time turning it down. Massage here in Philippines is really booming. There are spas popping up left and right. Unfortunately the level of skill here is not very good. Most of the massage here is either a light Swedish, shiatsu and reflexology. Deep tissue massages here is virtually non-existent. I haven't received any bodywork here yet but the people who I have worked on here have told me not to waste my time. I will get some later this week though just for curiosity. It's so cheap here that even if it's a bad massage, I won't lose any sleep (range from $10 to $25 including tip).

So this week alone I'm schedule to do 6 massages and counting. I blocked off this weekend because we are planning on going island hoping. But if it doesn't push through, I'm sure I'll get booked this weekend. I'm charging more than the local rates but my clients are not complaining. I might as well let my vacation pay for itself.

Last night, I had dinner with an old college friend. We hung out and drove around town. We had so much fun that we lost track of time. I got to be bed a little past 12AM. Which means I woke up at around 6AM. By the time I was ready for practice, I was just not in the mood for it any more. I skipped practice this morning which I'm not very happy about. I won't beat myself up for it though. I knew it was bound to happen. I hope to get back on track tomorrow.