Road To Mysore

I've pretty much settled in my new apartment. I don't know what I was thinking when I left last year. I had left all my belonging in 4 different garages(Orange, Woodland Hill, West LA and Cheviot Hills). I was so cheap, that I refuse to pay for storage. I saved money doing that but getting them all back together has been a pain in the butt. I had to do a lot of driving and hauling boxes this past week. I finally got it all together last Friday. I'm begining to feel like holding on to my apartment when I leave later this year. If I do that, I probably won't make it back to Mysore until mid-October. I don't really want to do the packing and unpacking thing again. It's a little too early to think about things like that now but that's just me.

Yesterday I picked up a 5 hour massage shift(4 massages with 15 minute breaks between massages). It's about time I started making some money. The shift started at 10AM and I kept hoping my first slot would not be booked. Mysore has slowed me down and I couldn't imagine doing 4 massages. One time, I did 2 massages in Mysore and I was completely wasted.

My prayers were answered. My 10AM slot was not booked. I was really happy because I could not imagine doing 4 massages. I thought 3 massages would be more manageable. I was wrong. Midway through my second massage, I was just exhausted and I barely got through the third massage. After the shift I was so tired, I had to take a nap in car.

During practice that morning, I kept thinking to myself...Don't push yourself too hard...You have 4 massages to do...Hold back a little...You don't have the luxury of taking a nap...Hurry up, you have to go home and shower and then rush to work...I obviously did not have a good practice that morning.

Before I left for Mysore, I was doing my daily ashtanga practice, working as an accountant 40 hours/week and doing 12 massages a week. I don't know how I did that. It really baffles me. My ashtanga practice is great and I have more stamina now but the whole work thing...I can't imagine. Has Mysore slowed me down? I feel like a lazy bum. After practice, I just want to hang out and relax. Isn't that how life is supposed to be? The whole work thing seems like a foriegn concept. I miss being a professional yoga bum.

The day I dreaded the most has been set. I've been delaying this day the past two weeks but decided that I could no longer delay it. I start my real job on Tuesday next week. I'm slowly running low of funds. The flow of cash has been flowing only one direction the past 6 months...that's out. It's about time that it starts flowing in if I have any realistic aspirations of going back to Mysore. How do you maintain a daily practice, drive an hour to work and sit in front of a computer for 8 to 10 hours? I've done it before many times but I can't seem to imagine myself doing it again. I think the first two weeks are going to be the toughest weeks. If I can get through that...then maybe I have a chance.

First week of work is over...barely made it through.

Day One - Tuesday was not that difficult. It was a moonday so I arrived at work all fresh and ready to roll. Spent the first hour and half with the usual paper work, orientation, getting familiar with the software, and office rules and procedures. I'm an independent contractor now so I get paid only by the billable hour. I don't get paid for admin time...that sucks but I expected it. I left Silverlake at 8:45AM, arrived after an hour(my drive suck, all surface street...too many stop lights) and left work after 7:30PM. I only got 6 hours of billable time in...bummer. By 4PM, my eyes were already burning.

Day Two - Wednesday was the most difficult day. I woke up at 5AM, headed to practice at 6AM and started at 6:15AM. It was a good practice and got out of the shala by 8. Headed home for a real shower...much better than the Italian baths I use to take before I left for Mysore. I was dying for a nap but I had to rush for work. I had to make a major decision on my drive to work...pass out in the middle of the day or drink coffee to help me get through the day. I opted for the coffee and it help me through the day...got in 8 hours of billable time...barely. Left the office by 8PM. I think I'm going to end up a coffee addict at the end of this tax season...something has to give. I'm still finding my balance...do I back off from practice or do I give it all I have and just load up on the coffee? Got to bed around 10:30PM totally exhausted but still feeling the caffiene...not a very deep sleep.

Day Three - Thursday, barely woke up at 5AM. My body said NOOO!!!...I was too tired for practice. Do I force myself to the shala or go back to bed? It was a no brainer...went back to bed. Something had to give...practiced non-attachment. Second practice I missed since arriving in LA...I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly. The extra two hours of sleep really helped. Got through the day without coffee and got my 8 billable hours...whoppeee!!! It's harder than it sounds. I can't believe I used to do 10 to 11 billable hours a day easy...now I can barely get 8. Has Mysore weakened me?

Day Four - Thank God it's Friday!!! In Mysore I hated Fridays and Sundays because I don't particularly like led classes...it was Thank God it's Monday!!! Got up at 5:15AM and started practiced at 6:15AM. It was a so so practice...no comment. Skipped headstand and went straight to savasana...backed off a bit. Got to work a little before 10AM and was confronted with the coffee decision again...pass out at work or drink coffee. I did the coffee route but a very small cup...half the amount I took last Wednesday. Got through the day with half the amount...maybe next week, I'll take half of today's amount. Got an email from the IT department..."the network will shutdown at 7PM". Got only 7.5 hours of billable...bummer, oh well at least I get to leave early.

I'm glad this work week is over. I think next week will be better. Maybe next week I won't feel like a whuzz for barely getting 8 hours of work in. I need to find my balance soon...the story of my life. My hope this tax season is that I don't become a coffee addict and that I don't gain the weight I normally do.

As I expected my second week of work would be much better. I totally cut off my coffee because it was screwing up my sleep. I love the taste of coffee but it messes up my system. I still get tired in the middle of the day so I opted to take a 30 minute nap in my car during lunch breaks. It has helped me get through the day. Hopefully this week I won't need those naps. I think I found my rhythm back. An 8 hour work day doesn't seem that daunting anymore. I'm already considering on doing a 45 hour week in the next couple of weeks to make the extra money. I'll see how I feel in the coming weeks.

I don't know what I've been doing differently this week but I had a get practice week. It was a 6 day practice week and as far as I remember, all my practices were great. I felt so calm and relaxed...it was like I was floating through practice...effortlessly. I think part of it has to do with a quote I recently read from Lao Tzu

"When man is born, he is tender and weak; at death, he is hard and stiff. When things and plants are alive, they are soft and supple; when they are dead, they are brittle and dry. Therefore hardness and stiffness are the companions of death, and softness and gentleness are the companions of life."

"Therefore when an army is headstrong, it will lose the battle. When a tree is hard , it will be cut down. The big and strong belong underneath. the gentle and weak belong to the top."

There is more to this quote. Osho elaborates on this concept in his book. Anyway, before I started every practice this week, I visualize being soft and weak. I try to make my practice as mentally effortless as possibly. The results have been off the charts. I feel like my body has opened up more and there is no muscling into the posture.

This week alone I have had two major breakthroughs. The first one was last Wednesday when Noah came over to help me in Mari C. As I was twisting on my right side I literally touched both fingers. Normally, without help my fingers are about a foot apart so making them touch is major. I have been gifted with a linebacker's body but a yogi's heart so nothing comes easy. Every little thing for most people is a big thing for me. I told Noah after, that I told Sharath that I'll bind Mari C when I get back to Mysore in October. Noah said it will happen much sooner. I think so too...

The second breakthrough happen this morning. I was working on Mari B while waiting for Noah to come over to help me bind. I kept waiting and waiting like I always do. I finally decided to find out how far my hand are apart without any help. I figured it would be a good thing to do while waiting. As I reached over to bind, I felt my other finger touch. I relaxed a little bit and the next thing I knew I was binding on my own. I wanted to jump with joy but decided to pretend it was not a big thing...ha ha ha, who am I trying to fool...it was a big thing. I was excited to bind the other side on my own but Karrie came over before I could try and helped me out. My other side is the easier side so I know I can bind on my own this side. I can't wait for tomorrow.

I finally got my laptop last Tuesday. I was expecting it to arrive the week before but it really didn't matter. I didn't turn the computer on until yesterday. I normally don't get home until 9PM and by then, I'm so tired. I figured, if I turned it on and played around with it, I'll end up sleeping late and miss practice so I waited till this weekend to play with it.

I have been deciding the past few months on whether to get a PC or a Mac. I was going back and forth for a while. I have never used a Mac before but the Mac users were telling that they've used both and the Mac was a gazellion times better. Do I really want to learn how to use a Mac when I already know how to use a PC? After all that going back and forth, I got a 12" IBook G4. I can't say I love it right now. I still have to figure out how to use this damn thing.

Yesterday, the cable guy came to install my internet cable line. He connected the modem to the computer for me but didn't help me install the disk. I had to leave right after the line was in so I figured I'll do it when I get home later that night.

Later that night I got home and tired to see if I could get in the internet. I fired up my computer and tried to install the disk which was provided. It didn't work. I came across a note in the instructions saying, "This Installation Kit does NOT support automatic Macintosh installation at this time." Well welcome to the Mac World. This was exactly what I wasn't hoping for. I decided to call the cable company for some technical support. I think I got somebody from a South American country because he did not sound like an American. One of those exported jobs. Anyway he was a very nice man and he asked me question and told me to do this and that and then asked me more questions. I don't think they serve very many Mac users because he was just as clueless as I was. He would put me on hold and then get back to me. This went on for 45 minutes and I could feel that this was not going to be resolved tonight. Eventually, the phone connection got cut while I was on hold. He probably just disconnected me because he didn't know. I was too tired to care so I shut down my computer and went to bed.

This morning I decided to call Apple instead. I paid an extra $300 to be in the AppleCare Protection Plan and paid another $70 for .mac. Lets see what Apple can do for me. I got somebody on the line and she walked me through effortlessly. It as simple as changing the settings on the computer. I didn't even need to install the disk. In less than 20 minutes, I was up and running. I've been so internet deprived the past two weeks, I've been online all afternoon. It really feels good to be back on line. It's already 8PM...I need to go to bed.

I think I spoke too soon. Last week I had such an amazing practice week, I thought that this week would be no different. I guess I have a very short memory. It's impossible to have a great practice week every week. If I did, then there would be no such thing as a great practice week. It's the whole yin yang concept...you can only experience great joy if you've experience great pain. I actually like the saying...you have to go to hell before you can experience heaven...same concept.

Anyway, I woke up last Monday really tired. I tried to sleep early on Sunday night but I just couldn't sleep. I think it was the combination of having a new laptop and getting back on-line. It was a difficult decision...go to practice or go back to bed. I was aware that Wednesday was a moonday and I figure if I could just hold on until Wednesday, I should be good. So I force my ass out of bed and headed to the shala. The first few sun salutations were painful but as I got going...I was good. Midway through practice, my energy level just dropped. I was running out of gas. I did manage to finish practice though...but I left the shala exhausted. I took a quick shower and headed for work.

On the drive to work, I was confronted with the coffee decision. Drink coffee or pass out at work. There was just no way I could get through the day without coffee...yes, I know I'm weak. So coffee it was.Taking a nap in the car during my lunch break was not even an option. I would have passed out before lunch. I got through the day and got my 8 billable hours...barely.

I got home that night around 9PM and got to be by 10PM. I took some Valerian before going to bed. I was hoping it could counter the caffiene effect. Coffee always screws up my sleep. The Valerian did wonders that night. I sleep like a baby...I think a little too well. My alarm rang at 5AM, I woke up for a second, turned off the alarm...it was a no brainer. Went back to sleep. I missed Tuesday's practice...third practice missed since I got back. I'm not doing very well in this whole transition thing...oh well, worst things can happen.

So I had two rest days. I haven't had that in a long time. It was much needed though. Practice today was just OK. Not great and not too terrible. I seem to be just happy to be back on the floor. Looking forward to tomorrow and what the day will bring...also looking forward to the weekend.