Road To Mysore

I woke up this morning feeling tired. I slept well last night but for some reason I didn't feel like getting up when my alarm rang. I closed my eyes for another 15 minutes and had to make a decision...miss practice or not. I've already missed 3 practice days since I got back. I definitely didn't want to miss practice. I missed 2 practices in four months in Mysore. The first practice I missed in Mysore was when I cracked my knee and the second one was when the shala was closed and I got sick. So missing practice today was not an option. The problem with practicing today is that I won't have any gas left to get through a whole days work. I came up with a simple solution...miss work today. It makes total sense. Which is more important...practice or work? The whole Mysore journey has been about dedicating my life to my practice. Work has always gotten in the way. So my goal when I arrived in LA has been to practice first and adjust my work schedule accordingly. At 5:30AM I went back to sleep knowing I didn't have to practice very early.

I got to the shala a little before 7AM(the advantage of living 4 minutes away...ha ha ha). I was expecting a great practice since I didn't have to rush to work today. It didn't happen. I kept thinking of the things I was hoping to do today and what I should do first. I worked last weekend and I think the weekend before so I have a shitload of things I need to get done. Here's a list of things I hope to get done today and was on my mind throughout practice:

1. I need to buy a bookshelf for my apartment. I gave away the only bookselve I had before I left. In my old apartment, I had built in bookselves. I saw one that i like in Staples, I think I'll get that one.

2. For some reason, the firm I'm working with annouced that we would be going from business casual to simply casual for the rest of the tax season. I think everybody except me was very happy about that. I have work clothes(business casual), one pair of jeans and a lot of sweat pants and shorts. I don't particularly like wearing jeans. On weekends, I'm either wearing sweat pants or shorts and flip flops. So today I have to find myself a pair or two of jeans.

3. Laundry...not my favorite past time. My old apartment had a wash and dryer in the unit. This is the time of the week when I miss my old apartment. I have to head to the laundry mat later today.

4. Whole Foods...I've been eating so much crap the past few weeks. There's always chocolate and any kind of sugar derivative in the office kitchen. I need to cut back on my sugar and eat a little healthier. That's probably why I get so tired easily. I wish there was a closer Whole Foods in the Silverlake area. I think the closes one is in the Fairfax District.

5. Clean and organize my apartment. The cleaning is a weekly thing but if I can only organize my apartment better, I can probably be more efficient.

I can't belive...this is how I'm going to spend my day off. I need another vacation!!!

I think I'm back on track. Last week after my day off, I didn't need any coffee or a power nap. I hope I'm not speaking to soon. I feel like I'm getting back to my tax season shape. In my younger days, I used to work 60 hours a week...no problem but since I've been back I've struggled to do 40 hours.

Last week, the tax director told me that whenever I feel like it, I am more than welcome to increase my hours. At this point, I'm pretty comfortable with the 40 and another 5 hours is not going to kill me. All I have to do is ask for more work and they'll give it with a smile. I've been seriously think of putting more hours. I don't know what the job market going to be like after April 15 and I might as well make as much as I can.

Since I called in sick last Wednesday, I decided to work on Saturday. It was really sweet to get to work in about 20 minutes, compared to the 1 hour drive I normally do. It was also nice to go to work in sweat pants and a t-shirt. I've thought about taking every Wednesday or Thursday off and working on Saturday instead but now I'm thinking of working 6 days a week as an accountant and maybe pick up a massage shift on Sundays. I don't know how I did it before I left for Mysore. I was practically working everyday then and maybe take a day off a month. Now a days I seem to need at least a day off a week. What happen to me in Mysore??? Where is my drive??? I want so badly to be back in September and if I don't push myself, it won't happen...

The weekend is almost over and I didn't get much done...where does time go? I got up late this morning so I didn't make it to the shala until 9. I don't remember the last time I practiced that late. The latest is 8AM and normally I'm practicing before 7AM.

The room was really hot when I got in. Midway through my Surya Namascaras, I was swimming in my sweat...I love that feeling. I feel like I'm detoxing. I was a little distracted at practice this morning. The guy beside me looked really familiar. I think he was a blogger. I saw his picture in one of the blogs. I'm going to ask Abi when I see him. Other than that, practice was great.

After practice, I finally made my way to the Hollywood farmer's market. I didn't go last week because of the LA Marathon and the week before was the Oscars. So I was determined to go today. It's much bigger than the Santa Monica one but I was a little disappointed that nobody was selling sprouts. I'm going to end up getting them at the Coop or Whole Foods. They did have a great vegan bakery. I was tempted to get a whole cake. The pig in me kept saying, get a whole carrot cake. I ended up getting two slices. That should be enough. Actually, one should be enough but it's just my nature to want more.

I was really hungry when I first arrived in the market but after tasting strawberrys, oranges, apples and all kinds of vegan desserts, it hit the spot temporarily. I've been craving Thai food from this restaurant close to home so I headed straight there from the market. The best larb tofu...haven't had that in a while. Definitely hit the spot and more.

Next on my list was laundry...not one of my favorite past times. I've been trying to buy more clothes so I don't have to go too often but I'm the type of person who comfortable wearing the same clothes every week. I don't know why. Some shirts, short or sweat pants fit better than others. That explains why when I go shopping and I find something I like, I get 3 or 4 of the same kind in different colors. Anyway doing laundry got a big chunk of my day.

It's 7PM, and I was hoping to do more stuff. It's not going to happen. I want to be in bed by 8:30 tonight...it will have to wait until next weekend again. I say that every Sunday. That's life in LA, you try to get stuff done but nothing ever gets done...oh well.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

When we were in Mysore, one of the LA crew told us that Noah & Kimberly will eventually move to Hawaii. Nobody really knew when but we all thought we had at least a couple of years before it would happen.

This morning it was posted in the bulletin board. The shala will officially close on April 30, 2005. The lease expires at that time and they decided not to renew it. Kimberly said that they will be heading for Mysore in June for 3 months and then spend a month in North India travelling and then maybe back to Mysore. I felt really sad when I read the letter. I had just moved to Silverlake to be closer to the shala and after an 8 year search, I finally found teachers I can trust and respect. My long search has included an arrogant certified ashtangi, an egotistical napoleon complex authorized ashtangi and a shitload of high profile yoga journal wannabe yoga masters. It's been a long difficult journey and I appreciate them because of all the arrogant assholes I've practiced with. I've learned so much from both of them. I was hoping to learn more but unfortunately I have only six weeks to go. I am so sad they are leaving , when I read the letter it felt like a family member had passed away. I was with Laura when I read it and we looked at each other in total shock.

I spoke to Noah briefly before practice and he said that they needed to rest. Teaching as taken away much from their practices. They won't even open a school in Hawaii. When I was in Mysore, somebody told me that Noah has been stuck in the middle of 4th series for awhile now and he hasn't spent enough time in Mysore to move forward. A few weeks ago Noah had told me that when he is in Mysore he holds sarvangasana and shirshasana much longer. He does not have that luxury when his teaching. He has to be on the floor teaching by 7AM.

I met a lot of "teachers" in Mysore and if they had had only practiced with Noah and Kimberly, they would know what a real teacher is all about. I think a lot of people are too in a hurry to teach. It's been said many times, "ashtanga is a lifelong practice". Guruji is always saying, "Practice, practice, practice...all is coming", not "teach, teach, teach". One authorize teacher who I talked to in Mysore who is a few postures away from completing 3rd series said that all he wants to do is close his shala and move to New York to practice with Eddie. Another authorized teacher who had just recently started 3rd series said, "compared to most practitioners, I'm advanced but until she completes 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th series, in the eyes of Guruji I am still a beginner. " Holy shit!!! I'm still trying to bind in Mari C...what does that make me?

I'm really going to miss Noah & Kimberly but I am so happy for them. I think walking away from all their dedicated student is difficult but they need to do what's best for them. Part of me wants to rally all my LA shala friends and try to convince them to stay a little longer but I won't. One of the things I've learned in this "Road to Mysore" journey is the only way to move forward is to "let go". I don't want to let them go but I have to....:(

I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad dream and I can't wake up. I still haven't gotten over the whole thing yet. It's going to take some time...

Yesterday's practice was just terrible. I kept thinking of who I would practice with when they're gone. This morning, in the middle of backbends, Kimberly caught me staring nowhere. She said, "Joey, focus!!!" I wanted to tell her, "How can I focus, you and your husband are breaking my heart!!!" Like always, I smiled, continued my backbends and finished my practice. I know it's hard for them to leave us so telling her that would only make it harder. I honestly believe they are doing the right thing(even if it's at our expense). It's important for them to take care of themselves first. If not, they won't have anything to give to there students. They've already given so much...I'm just greedy and I want more.

Today at work, I was just out of it. I could barely focus. I slept late last night so I was tired most of the day. At around 4PM I had to go to my car and close my eyes. I actually slept for 15 minutes. Overall, it was not a very productive day. I struggled to get 7 hours of billable time.

Tomorrow is a new day...I hope it's better.

What a difficult week it's been. I've been tired at work everyday. On Monday I got only 7 hours in. Today and yesterday I got only 6.5 hours in. I couldn't focus at work. I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I'm working tomorrow just so I can get my 40 hours and maybe a little more. I blew the budget in some of the tax returns I've been preparing. I hope it doesn't come back to bite me. One return I've been preparing has been going back and forth between me and the partner. That's not a good sign. I'm missing a lot of things I'm not suppose to miss. It's hard to focus when your mind is not there.

A lot of life changing decisions are going to be made in the next few weeks. A lot of questions need to be answered.

Practice has been feeling better the last two days. I'm surprised I got through this 6 day practice week. Noah corrected my headstand and it feels strange but much better. I think I can hold it longer now.

A few of us in the shala are having brunch this Sunday after practice. We need to decide on what are alternatives are after the shala closes. I think we're just going to end up crying together. Luke just got back from Thailand. He was in Mysore until the shala closed and spent two weeks in Thailand before coming back. It's going to be nice to see him.

I haven't blogged lately because I haven't had a good reason to. I still haven't fully recovered from shala closing news. I've been in a crapping mood and tax season has been getting to me.

If it's one thing this whole yoga journey has taught me is that a huge part of this practice has to do with building a relationship with your teacher. Submitting to the guru student relationship is just as important as the actual asana practice itself. I've practiced with Noah and Kimberly for over 4 years now but in the first 3 years I was only practicing with them on Sundays. It has taken me over 7 years to commit to a daily practice and now that I have, my favorite teachers are leaving.

This morning I briefly talked to Kimberly. They had just gotten back from Encinitas to practice with Guruji and family. I asked her how they were. She said, "They are all doing fine. Sharath and Saraswati are looking forward to seeing you. Saraswati said, 'Joey is my student'". I was a little surprised by that. I always knew they knew who I was but in the 4 months I was in Mysore, they never called me by name. There are a gazellion people in the shala, so I never expected that they would know my name. I thought that maybe after my 3rd or 4th trip, they would figure it out. I always wondered if they did. I think the beauty about not expecting too much is that little things like Sharath and Saraswati knowing my name can actually mean so much.

I am looking forward to seeing my Mysore teachers this Sunday. I might not be able to build my relationship with Noah and Kimberly but I still have my Mysore teacher. Lately, I've been looking for a good reason smile. Today I found one...they know my name :)