Road To Mysore

It’s been over a week since I arrived here. I leave this Thursday…I’m ready to go. I’m no longer looking back. I’m ready to look forward now. Yeah, I still miss Mysore but I have pressing matters ahead of me. The number one question in my mind at the moment is…can I make enough to head back to Mysore in May? I know it can be done but will I find it deep within me to work hard and put 50 to 55 hours a week like I use to or have I become a full time “yoga bum�? Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I’m thinking ahead again. I still have 31/2 days here. I should just enjoy my time.

I haven’t spent Christmas here since 1994. On Christmas day, my parents as long as I can remember have hosted a party for relatives on both sides. I come from a typically big Filipino family. My dad had 7 brothers and sisters while my mom had 8. I still don’t really know some of my cousins and now many of them are married with children. It was fun seeing all my relatives but also exhausting. The whole going to India concept is very foreign to them and to most Filipinos. I get the most exhausting questions about India and yoga. Only a handful of my relatives really understand. For the rest of them, I don’t have the patience to explain anything. I try to give the shortest possible answer. I think I’ve also given up on trying to explain to my parents on what I’m going through. They are both set in their ways the way most Filipinos are. I think that’s why I feel like I’m ready to go…my patience has run out.

I’ve spent the past week catching up with high school friends, college friends, former co-workers and relatives. I can’t believe I haven’t even been to the beach. It’s been raining a lot here so there hasn’t been a lot of incentive to head to the beach. The problem with meeting up with friends is that it’s always over lunch or dinner. I’ve eaten like a pig and I can feel it already. I’ve also missed a few practices and most of my practices are short practices. I still don’t have the discipline to practice alone. I think I’m still fighting jetlag too. We are about 3 hours ahead of India so I’ve been sleeping around 11PM and waking up around 7 or 8AM. By that time, I’m rushing through practice. I can’t wait to get into a shala.

Normally I drive the day I arrived. This time it’s taken me about two days before I got behind the wheel. I’ve been driving in India from 5 months and I was worried that I would accidentally get on the left lane. Every time the driver would get on the right lane, I would ask myself, “Why is he on the wrong lane?� When I finally started driving, I would remind myself to stay right. One night last week, I actually got on the left lane. I was lucky that there was no car coming towards me. I had enough time to back up and move to the right lane. I can only imagine what the other drivers were thinking, “what a moron!!!�

Yesterday I went to my cousin’s house for her birthday party. She had just finished building stables and a horseback riding school in her property. I haven’t ridden a horse since the last time I was here…about 16 months ago. I really enjoy riding horses but because I have only two weeks here, I decided not to go riding. Yesterday, I just couldn’t resist. I was watching Michelle teaching her class and she asked me if I wanted to ride. I was a little worried that I would have to start from the very beginning and relearn everything. I was pleasantly surprised. I not only picked up where I left off but I was more relaxed and it even felt better. It was like I had never left. Even Michelle said so. I was more fluid in my trotting. I was not banging my ass against the saddle. She didn’t let me canter though. Maybe if I go back tomorrow she’ll let me canter. One day, I’ll be a good rider. For now I’ll take what I can and be happy with it.

The road back to LA starts today. I leave for Kuala Lumpur later this afternoon. I know I've said this before and I'll say it again..."I'm ready to go." It's been a challenge being here. I'm fighting a battle I can't win. The few friends that can remotely understand what I'm going through say I shouldn't even fight..."just let it out the other ear." I used to be good at that. I don't know why it's bothering me. Maybe I'm not as grounded as I thought I was. I'm just tired with the, "this is the right way and that is the wrong way" mentality. Filipinos in general are so quick to give advice even if it's not asked of them. I know, I use to do the same. I'm a lot better now. I've thought a lot about what I've done and hope to accomplish the last two weeks. I think I would have done a lot of things differently. Maybe the whole offensive approach wasn't the best approach. I'm second guessing myself.

A few days ago, I visited my Tita Viring. My mom had put me on the spot and told her I was seeing her. I initially didn't want to visit her because I'm tired of the usual conversations. I've been sounding like a broken record. She's about 85 years old and I'm been told she's been 85 for the past 3 to 4 years. Anyway, I was very happy to see her. It was one of those few conversation with a "tita or tito" wherein I wasn't defending myself. I told her what I was doing, she looked at my face and told me, "you look so happy, do whatever your doing. don't listen to anybody else. your fine the way you are." I was pleasantly surprised and happy to have someone in my side. She didn't offer any advice...just support. I think that what I've been looking for. Most of the faces I see here have fear in there faces and they don't even realize it. I can't explain how happy I was to talk to Tita Viring. It was a breath of fresh air. I really needed that. The fact that she's older than my parents, it gives me hope. Maybe one day my parents will understand and be happy for me. Right now there's still hoping that I change my "foolish ways". I'm very aware of the risks I'm taking. I'm not as stupid as I look.

I finally went to the beach yesterday. We went to Moalboal which is two hours away from the city but one of the best beaches here. I could have gone to Mactan which is only 45 minutes away but my cousin wanted to do some diving and this is the place to go. The water was cristal clear. Maybe if I spent more time in the beaches I wouldn't have drained myself...oh well. I think it's time for me to finish packing.

Much has happened since I left the Philippines last Thursday. The days have flown by quickly. Ã?'m going to attempt to recap the past 5 days.

I got in Kuala Lumpur late Thursday night and took the express train from the airport to the city. I've been very impressed with the infrastructure in Kuala Lumpur. I don't know if they are still considered a third world country. It doesn't feels like one. It's about 70 kilometers from the airport to the city and the train took only 28 minutes...sweet. Took a cab to my hotel, checked-in and crashed.

I had the whole day on Friday to explore the city. I started by taking the monorail to Bukit Bintang and spent most of the morning window shopping. I did buy some DVD's for the plane ride back to LA...what a life saver. I headed back to the hotel after lunch to wait for my pre-arranged countryside tour. For 50 ringgits, the van took us to a pewter factory(pewter is a mixture of 3 kinds of metals), batik factory(batik is the colorful clothing they wear) and the Batu Caves. The whole tour can be best described as a tourist trap. They showed us a demonstration of how the pewter was molded and how the batik was designed but we couldn't go inside the factory where the assembly line was. We were then lead to the showroom so we could purchase whatever we wanted. I ended up buying two malongs for my brother. The pewter factory had some nice stuff but too expensive and heavy. There was nothing spectacular about the Batu Caves. I was please with the little tour but not impressed.

When I got back to the hotel later that afternoon, I decided to take the monorail to the Petronas Twin Towers. It was raining hard but I went anyway. It is a huge modern building with two towers and a shopping mall in the base. The only thing I got from that visit was bragging rights. This entry might sound a little negative but I did enjoy exploring Kuala Lumpur. Later that night I arranged for a little spa treatment in the hotel. I had the most painful reflexology I've ever experienced. It's was painful in a good way. It felt like all my internal organs were stimulated...no, no, no, not sexually. I spent some time in the jacuzzi and then headed to my room to get some sleep.

On Saturday, I got up around 5AM to prepared to go to the airport. I hopped on a taxi to the train station and headed to a the airport around 7:15AM. I accidentally took the wrong train. The train still went to the airport but it had 4 stops and was about 6 minutes slower... damn it, I paid for the express train...oh well. The plane as usual was about 30 minutes delayed so we left KL around 10:30AM.

The plane ride was brutal...17 1/2 hours with a one hour stopover in Taipei. I kept fighting with my seat mate for some arm rest space. Good thing I practice ashtanga...I was so close to punching her. I kept my cool. If I make enough money this tax season, I will seriously consider paying for business class. It might be worth it. I got only one hour of sleep. I'm so happy I had my laptop. There were only two decent movies on the plane. My laptop gave me an extra 4 hours of movie time. Note to self...bring a spare battery next time.

I arrived in LA on Saturday around noon...KL is about 15 or 16 hours ahead of LA. I was not as tired as I expected. I think I was just excited to be back in the US. My brother picked me up in the airport and we headed straight to my friend's house to pick up my car. I then drove straight to my brother's house in Orange County. I was tempted to take a nap that afternoon but force myself to stay up. I've been dying for a good salad so I headed for Whole Foods...the things we take for granted. You cannot imagine how good it is to have a good salad after being away for almost 6 months...yuuummm!!!! I stayed up until 10PM and then went to sleep.

Got up around 6:30 Sunday morning and then headed to Long Beach to practice with my friend Vincent. Last Sunday was one of the most painful practice I've had in a long time. All my muscles were stiff from the plane ride, the relative cold weather and not being able to maintain a daily practice in the Philippines. It felt like they were all nailed together. I was exhausted and in extreme pain. I did what I could do and then thanked God I was still alive. I had breakfast with Vincent after practice. It was so good to see him and hangout with him. He told me he was going back to Mysore with me in May...sweet. He also said that Shannon might join us too...even sweeter. Can you imagine having two of the original LA crew in Mysore with me.

I didn't do much later that day except for watch terrible football, attempt to take a nap...didn't work...was a good thing and logging into Westsiderentals to find a room to rent. I slept well the night before but I still felt tired. It still felt weird being in the US. It feels like being an outsider looking in. I went through this last year too.

On Monday morning I headed back to Long Beach to practice with Vincent again. My practice felt much better but still not where it was when I left Mysore. I'm not complaining...I expected that. It will take awhile before I feel like everything is all right. I had breakfast with Vincent again after practice. Vincent is relatively skinny but he eats just as much as I do. I'm still not sure where he places everything...it's not fair.

Later that afternoon, I headed to LA and stayed with a friend. I needed to be in LA so I could see rooms to rent. I've decided to stay in the Westside since I'll be working in Brentwood. I'm considering on practicing with Jorgen since I'm not sure if I want to drive to Silverlake everyday. I also touched base with my boss and will join the tax department on Wednesday for it's "Tax Season Kick-off Meeting". I don't get paid to attend this meeting but I think it will be good for me.

I practiced in Silverlake this morning. I was excited to see some familiar faces. It felt really good to walk in the shala...this is my shala and I feel at home here. There were a lot of new faces but I was happy to see some of the old faces. I got a hug from J, W, N and S. James welcomed me back and gave me a hug too. I've known James since my first trip in Mysore so I'm very comfortable with him. I was happy to see him. He gave me some good adjustments and I know he's not going to tinker with the practice...he is pretty traditional. I was originally going to pay for only three weeks because when tax seasons goes on full swing, I was going to practice in Brentwood...it didn't happen. I paid for the month. After practice, I decided that there is no other place in LA I would rather practice in. I guess I'm going to be doing the drive after all...oh well. I bumped into Shannon on my way out. She confirmed that she was leaving with Vincent and I in May. She's also staying for the 3 months...wooohooo!!!

I went to see a room for rent this afternoon. I'm very lazy when it comes to finding a place to live. My standards are pretty low so anything half decent and if the price is right, I'll take it. I met up with my possible flatmate around 2PM and took a look at the room and the apartment. The room was fully furnished and clean, the closet was big enough and it had a TV, DVD, small refridgerator, study desk and a microwave. We interviewed each other for awhile to get a feel it if we could live together. She is a sixty something, retired Swedish chef with two cats. Like what I said, my standards are relatively low so I told her I would take the room if she'd give it to me. She talked a lot and then later said, "yes". I gave her a check for this months rent and a deposit and I closed the deal. I move in tomorrow.

I generally don't like the idea of renting a room and being somebody else's flatmate. I would have rather gotten my own apartment. The problem is that most apartments require a one year minimum lease. Renting rooms is easier because they allow month to month rent. I can't help but think about the things I'm doing just so I can get back to Mysore in less than 4 months. I think it's an addiction. This practice has taught me how to get away from my comfort zone and do things I normally wouldn't do. This is an example of one of the things I normally won't do. I can never understand why some people tell me that I'm lucky I can go to Mysore for such long periods of time. In retrospect, it has nothing to do with luck. It has a lot to do with the choices we make and the sacrifices we are willing to take. I still don't like the idea of sharing an apartment but that's the only way I can make it happen. Here is a tip for anyone who wants to go to Mysore and can't go...it has nothing to do with luck. I can easily make a list of things I've had to let go to make things happen. It has been a long and difficult journey. Nothing has come easy but it's all worth it. Letting go of things which I thought were dear to me has been one of the most significant things I've learned from this practice. I can only imagine what I will have to left go next.

I was hoping to start work next week but I don't think there's much work for me now. My boss said that I will start work at end of the month the latest. I was hoping to ease my way to work since I have done any since July...yeah, what a difficult life. I have a feeling that when I start work, it will be full-on from day one...no easing in, oh well. I'm feeling a little anxious about not being able to start work but I guess I should just enjoy the moment and the extra time off. Maybe I should have stayed an extra week in Mysore. There were some unanswered questions before I left.

My transition back to the LA life has been much better. Knowing what to expect and having gone through it before has helped a lot. I still sometimes feel weird being back but I've accepted that weirdness, so it's no longer a big deal. I picked up a few massage shifts to get me reacquainted to the LA rat race. I never realized that doing 3 or 4 massages a day could be so tiring. I picked up the shifts because I wanted to get some cash flow coming in. It's been going the other direction for 6 months already. I thought it was necessary let it flow toward me and not only away. If I don't work soon, I think I may end up begging along Sunset Boulevard...just kidding, I'm not that desperate yet but I'm feeling that way.

I wanted to do something special for my birthday in 10 days. Having a party was out of the question. I hate hosting parties. I feel it's too stressful. Since I'm going to be starting a new decade, I wanted to do something meaningful. I was tempted to visit a friend in Portland, Oregon but we decided that it was raining too much and I felt that I might end up spending too much. I will go later this year though. I also check out the Esalen Institute for any interesting workshop...nada. I decided to call the Krishnamurti Center in Ojai, California and booked for two nights...sweeeet!!! I had such a great experience being at the Krishnamurti Center in Varanasi that I knew I wanted to visit as many centers as I can. I told the lady that since I survived the center in Varanasi, I should be able to survive Ojai. She quickly told me that no surviving will be necessary in Ojai. Considering that it would be mostly westerners going to the Ojai center, I'm assuming that it will be relatively posh. So I have something good to look forward to in the next ten days. It's also going to be my pre-tax season vacation. I'm looking forward to doing some Krishnamurti reading, trekking and quiet time. I think I'm going to need it before I start working.

I finally got the phone call I've been waiting for. I start work on February 1...shit!!! I was hoping to start a week earlier. I'm getting bored and broke...not a good combination. I think I should have extended my Mysore trip one week longer or maybe took a side trip to Bangkok and visit Luke. I'm so ready to get rolling. I don't think I'll have the luxury of easing my way to work. I'm pretty much over the jetlag and I think the weirdness...not totally at home yet but getting there.

Yesterday I mailed the renewal form and payment for my license. It was strange mailing it because for the first time since getting my license I've filled it out as "inactive". We renew our license every two years and are required to complete 80 hours of CPE (continuing professional eductation...in other words, "bullshit"). In the past two years, I've only completed maybe 4 hours of that non-sense. I'm too lazy to do the remaining 76 hours so I decided to go "inactive". I'm suppose to feel bad about this whole thing but at the moment I feel indifferent. Part of me cares that I'm going "inactive" but the other part is too lazy to care. I'm also not willing to pay for the remaining hours. Since I'm no longer working full-time, I have to personally pay for the CPE hours. I would rather use the money to travel. I guess it's obvious where my priorities are...oh well.

The drive to Silverlake is starting to get to me. I'm not sure if I'm willing to drive there everyday when I start working. I really like James but I told him I'm seriously considering practicing in the Westside when my month is over. There is a lot of road repairs along the way so it's taking me longer to get from Silverlake to Brentwood. I know I'm going to miss practicing in Silverlake but I lose so much time by driving all the way there.

I hope the Brentwood shala won't drive me crazy. I had a good talk with J when we were in Mysore. I told him about the thing which were bothering me. I think we cleared the air. There was a lot of things going through his life when I practiced with him. I didn't know it then but I could feel his mind was not in the shala. I hope all that is behind him.