Road To Mysore

“Truth is a pathless land� J. Krishnamurti

I spent the last weekend at the Krishnamurti Retreat Center in Ojai, California. I left last Saturday around 11:30AM. I would have left earlier but I couldn’t resist missing the REI sale. It only happens twice a year and there were a couple of things I wanted badly. I didn’t want to pay the full price so I was hoping to get it on sale. I had visited the store a few days before and spotted the items I wanted. The store was to open at 10AM so I decided to get there by 8AM. Unfortunately the line was pretty long by the time I arrived. I think a few people slept over the night before. I was told some started arriving at around 6AM…oh well. I still got what I wanted...a medium size backpack for one to two week trips and a huge duffle bag with wheels. I was happy to get both items and paid a total of a little over $90. If I paid at retail, I would have paid about $300. Waiting for two hours in line was worth it. I know I’m thinking way ahead of myself but I figured that the next sale would be in July or August so I might as well.

I arrived in Ojai at around 2PM and checked in. The retreat center was everything I expected. I know that K loved to walk amongst nature so the property is filled with an assortment of large trees and the orange trees were filled with oranges ready for picking. I grabbed lunch in town after checking in and then walked around. There was nothing special about town. It is your typical small American town with shops and tourist traps…not particularly impressed.

I headed back to the retreat center and decided to watch a 1968 video of Krishnamurti and Huston Smith. Incidentally, I saw Huston Smith in person about 3 years ago at the Esalen Institute. I think he was way into his 80’s at the time. I have never read any of this books but I was told that he is well respected. Anyway, the discussion they had was really good. I could tell the Mr. Smith respected K a lot. K brought out some really good points in the discussion. He often stopped Mr. Smith on his tracks whenever he would ask, “How?� K told him never to use that word. The moment you asked, “how?�, you lose your ability to learn and that you’re a looking for a solution. I think it is in our nature to ask, “how�. We are often looking for someone to guide us to the “promise land�. I have often worried about the direction in which my life is going. The truth is, I don’t have a clue on what will become of me in 5 or 10 years. I have been asked many times what I expected or intended to get from going to Mysore every year. I always shrug my shoulders and say, “I don’t know and no, I don’t want to become yoga teacher�. All I know is that I enjoyed every moment I’m there and I’ve met and continue to meet the most amazing people there. I also enjoy being surround with aimless people. It makes me feel that I’m not alone in this craziness. There were other good points discussed in the video but I’m too tired to go into details.

Later that night, I hung out with two other people in the center. One was from the K Center in Brockwood and the other one was from Japan. It was ironic that the three of us were Aquarians. Duncan said that in the Brockwood center, 3 out of 12 people who work there are Aquarians. Maybe Aquarians are more likely to be drawn to K’s teachings.

I have much more to write but I'm way too tired to finish this entry. Before I go, I just wanted to say that today was my first day of work...painful:( I didn't get much work done. I spent most of my time getting organized and making sure I had everything I needed in my work station. I got in at around 10:30AM and left at around 8PM. I got only about 2 hours of billable time in...not good. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

My first week of work is over…thank God. It wasn’t a full week but it felt like it. Getting back in the work force is difficult when you’ve been gone for over 6 months…yeah, what a tough life…ha ha ha!!! My brain has not been functioning well. Everything seems so difficult. Nothing is clicking yet. My brain is rusty and slow. I’m working in slow motion and every little thing I finish is taking twice the time it should. In other words, I’ve only billed 12 hours in 3 days…not good but I’m not beating myself up for it. At least I’m getting something done. I do feel that it’s getting better everyday. I was initially planning to work this Saturday and Sunday but tax season is not in full swing. I have work but not that much. You know it’s in full swing when they start begging for me to take in work. That hasn’t been happening yet. I might as well enjoy my last weekend for the next 10 weeks. If I am to make it back in May, I’ll have to work everyday until April 15. It will be interesting to see if I still have it in me to work long hours.

I didn’t wake up early enough yesterday. I didn’t make it to Silverlake so I ended up practicing in my room. I got through the standing postures and got lazy and lost focus once I was seated. I’m still not one of those people who can practice alone…maybe one day. That’s my hope anyway.

I did get to Silverlake today though. Practice was much better. I really enjoy J’s adjustments but the drive to Silverlake is killing me. I’m spending almost two hours on the road just to practice. I don’t get into work until 10:30AM. I told J that I don’t think I will be driving to Silverlake once my month is over…it ends on Thursday next week. I will have to try out the Brentwood shala next week. Unfortunately, JC is not back from Mysore until the 12th or 13th…not sure. My biggest fear is practicing with an overly excited assistant who can do the asanas but does not understand the practice. It’s going to be difficult but I’m going to try to keep an open mind.

I had a conversation with one of my co-workers yesterday. She asked me how my India trip was. I told her it was a lot of fun and that I intend to head back after tax season. She asked me if I consumed all my savings. I gave her a smile and shrugged my shoulders and said, “Pretty close�.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind me telling you this but that’s a very foolish thing to do. You know that don’t you?�

She caught me off guard and I just smiled. I have to admit, I didn’t expect that. I thought about engaging in a discussion with her but realized that there was no point. I just said, “I’m aware of the risks I’m taking but at the moment it’s something I need to do.�

She immediately corrected me and said, “It’s something you want to do. You don’t need to do it.�

I just smiled and said, “I hope it was that simple. It’s a lot more complicated than that.� It was a discussion I didn’t want to get into. I wiggled my way out of it and return to my desk. I have to admit it initially got me irritated. Was I being foolish or was she being narrow minded? I know that what I’m doing does not make any sense and sometimes I do question myself but deep down inside I know there is logic to all this craziness. Only time will tell which one of us is “foolish�.

I woke up late this morning so I decided to check out the Brentwood Shala. JC is still in Mysore but will be arriving this weekend. I wanted to see if I can tolerate his assistant. My month in Silverlake ends this Thursday and I've decided that I'm not doing the drive after that. I've practiced with JC before and when he is present, he can be a good teacher.

I arrived at around 7AM and read the note..."No teacher and no sign in today, self-practice". First thing I notice when I walked in the room...music, only in the westside. I have never walked in a Mysore class with music...absolutely ridiculous. I may be a beginner but I know that an ashtanga practice and music do not go together. I saw a familiar face and asked her,"what's up with the music?"

She said, "It was there when I arrived. We can ask the class and see what they say." I can't believe that this is even an issue. I didn't want to be the asshole who turns the music off but it's stupid that I have get into this discussion. It shouldn't be an issue. I spoke to JC in Mysore last December and he told that the energy in his shala has changed...apparently not.

My friend asked the class and the concensus was to put down the volume. Here I am listening to this shit and ready to bang my head. I can't believe we're having this discussion...ridiculous!!! I just rolled my eyes and tried to keep my cool. I decided that since I drove all the way here, I might as well make the best of the situation. I started my practice and tried my best to block everything out. Some students started talking loudly in the middle of practice. I'm happy to say that inspite of everything, I had a decent practice.

I am often asked why I drive all the way to Silverlake to practice. Well the fact is, if you want to practice ashtanga the way it is taught in Mysore...there is none in the westside. It's sad because there are so many wannabe ashtanga teachers in the westside but they don't have a clue...too much form, no substance. It's a sad pathetic fact. Sorry, I just needed to vent.

I knew that when I got back, maintaining a daily practice and doing the work hours would be a difficult balance. The bottomline is that I would still have to bite the bullet and practice in Brentwood. I can't make the work hours if I'm on the road for more than two hours a day. Hopefully when JC comes back he can control the room. I'm seriously crossing my fingers. Wish me luck...I'm going to need it.

Last week Vincent called because he wanted to meet up with Shannon and me for dinner or lunch to plan our up coming trip to Mysore. He said he was really excited because he hasn’t been back to Mysore since December 2004. I wish I could share his excitement. It’s hard to be excited when you’re broke and can’t even pay for the plane ticket…yeah, it’s that bad. This is what yoga does to you.

Last night we had dinner in a restaurant in Little Ethiopia called Nyala. I have never had Ethiopian food so I was excited about it. I was also happy to see Vincent and Shannon. Being with my Mysore friends bring Mysore closer to home. We all yearn to return to that special place. I told them that as much as possible I would like to fly Malaysian Airlines because I hope to accumulate enough frequent flyer miles to get a free ticket one day. They both understood and Vincent assured Shannon that it was OK to fly Malaysian Airlines. We all know that Singapore Airlines is the best but they are normally more expensive, you don’t get frequent flyer miles on wholesale tickets and they don’t pay for the stopover hotel. Shannon was willing to pass on flying Singapore Airlines as long as we traveled together.

The next thing we discussed was our departure date. That was a tough one because nobody really knows when the shala will open. I’ve gotten different dates from friends presently in Mysore…some say early May, others say end of April. I don’t think Guruji and family have made that decision yet. I think it would be a question on how they feel when they return. I told them that I want to arrive a few days before the shala opens for various reasons. We decided to set our departure date on April 27, 2006 give or take a day or two. My travel agent had previously told me that the prices increase in May so it made all the sense to leave at the end of April. I feel like I’m ahead of myself but I guess it’s better to purchase the ticket earlier. Vincent and I decided that we’re going to call our travel agents for prices and later compare.

After we got those two issues out of the way, we just hung out and enjoyed our dinner. Dinner was interesting. It was hard to describe what Ethiopian food was. It is similar to India food but not as spicy. We had a vegetarian plate with and assortment of dal and vegetable dishes. Their version of bread or chapatti was also very interesting. I think I’m going to try more variety of Ethiopian food before I can come up with a reasonable opinion. I have to admit that at the end of dinner or maybe midway through dinner I was just as excited as Vincent about leaving for Mysore. At around 11PM we decided to call it a night.

This morning I was too anxious to wait for Monday and decided to call my travel agent. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I can get a round trip ticket fare from LA to Bangalore for $1,147 which includes the sales tax and hotel accommodations for the stopover…sweet. I remember paying a little over $1,200 last year. This price is good only until February 20 or as long as the seats are still available…whichever comes first. I think our flights will be booked by Friday next week the latest.

Yesterday Vincent booked our flights for Bangalore. We leave on April 29, 2006 and return on July 29, 2006. It’s a 3 month ticket so we have to return on that day or earlier. I’m a little disappointed with Malaysia Airlines because now they are charging $50 for any changes. It’s a little strange for me to be booking this ticket because it’s only been 5 weeks since I got back. The worst thing is I’m going to have to use my credit card to pay for this. I’m a little bit excited but worried since I still don’t have the money to pay for this trip. I’m definitely ahead of myself. Normally I save the money before I do anything this foolish…oh well. We have to pay for the ticket on Friday. No one has pulled the trigger yet. I think Vincent said he would pay tomorrow. I might do the same.

I initially was planning on spending two weeks in Srinagar with Mary and our Kashmiri friends. I sent Mary an email and told her it’s not happening. I’m putting way too much pressure on myself to get back to Mysore for 3 months plus the extra two weeks. Letting go of Kashmir has been difficult but I know I’ll make it some other year. I’m jealous because Mary will still go with Yarick and Dominique. That sucks because I was the one who did the initial planning and they were suppose to come with me.

I’ve been practicing at the Brentwood shala since yesterday. It will have to do for now. There can be some distraction but for the most part I’ve been able to block it off. I had a good practice this morning. I felt grounded and that’s all that matters.

The adjustment back to work was been much better than anticipated. I’ve shaken off most of the rust from my brain. I’m feeling more comfortable with what I’m doing and my concentration is getting better. I billed 41 hours last week and hopefully I’ll do 50 hours this week. By March I need to be doing 60 hours a week. I need to push myself now because I have a very small window to get it done.

I was ready to pay for my ticket last Wednesday when my travel agent calls me and tells me that Malaysia Airlines won’t give us the frequent flyer miles. According to her, I would have to pay an extra $40 to get the miles. The other option would be to pay $17 more to fly Singapore Airlines. We all know that Singapore Airlines is a much better airline so I told her to draw up an itinerary and block off some seats for us. I spoke to Vincent and Shannon and we agreed to fly Singapore Airlines instead.

On Wednesday and Thursday, I was back and forth with my travel agent and Vincent so we can finalize our plans. By Thursday afternoon, I faxed my credit information and closed the deal. We fly out of LA on April 28 and arrive in Bangalore on April 30 around 7PM…wooohooo!!! I’m glad that’s been all been settled. It’s been difficult to focus on work when you’re planning a trip. Obviously, it’s a lot my exciting to plan for a trip than it is to actually work. Throughout this whole process, I’ve thought about postponing my trip to October because of some of the gossip coming out of Mysore. In the end, traveling with Vincent and Shannon was too good to pass up.

I may have said this in my previous blog entries but I’ve been presently surprised with my adjustment back to work, LA and practicing in Brentwood. As far as work goes, my focus and stamina is way better than I expected. I never thought I would say this but I’m actually enjoying work at the moment. I know it’s still early in the season and in the next few weeks I could turn into a crabby little bastard but for now; I’m feeling quite grounded and satisfied. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m spending less time driving before work.

Practicing in the Brentwood shala has been a test of my ability to block off the extra commotion which goes on…whether it’s the giggling, undue sound effects or talking. I still miss the Silverlake shala though. I will most probably practice there right after tax season until I leave. I’m looking forward to seeing N & K.

Overall, I feel that life is good and at moment, I think I’ve found my balance.

It’s only 4PM and I’m already brain dead. I can’t look at all these numbers now. I just wrapped up a 70 hour tax return. I don’t do very many of those. It wasn’t difficult but it had a lot of components to it…pulling in numbers from different directions, not fun. I still have about 5 ½ hours of work to do today. I’m not sure if I have any gas left…hoping to get my second wind. My only motivation is if I don’t sit my ass down and continue working, I won’t make enough for my trip. Sometimes I think I’ve put undue pressure on myself. Maybe I was too quick to decide to leave in May. It’s too late to second guess myself now. My ticket has been paid. My only consolation is that I have less than 2 months to go…last day of work will be on April 17.

On the brighter side of things, I got my first paycheck since July 2005…that’s over 7 months ago. No wonder why I was almost broke. You cannot imagine how happy I was to deposit that check. I don’t feel so broke anymore.

Woke up early this morning and decided to get to the shala early. The door officially opens at 6:30AM but normally JC’s assistant starts practice earlier. Of all the days I picked to go early, it was the day JC’s assistant did not practice…oh well. I had to wait about 25 minutes for the door to open. Other than that practice went well. So far I’ve been able to block off everything else. Maybe I’m progressing in this practice after all.

I brought my anger and frustration with me to bed last night. I didn't get much sleep but I'm wide awake now. My emotions are keeping me awake. I normally can let things like that go but not last night. I think it's because I know I have to face the same shit today. I feel like calling in sick today so I can blow of more steam. I don't have the luxury of doing that at the moment.

This morning's practice was great. I was able to release some of my frustration. I think that's the main reason why I love this practice. It helps me get through the day. Yesterday was a moonday and maybe if I had practice that morning, I wouldn't be so agitated the rest of the day.

Ok, I gotta go (deep breath). I wish I can stay grounded today...48 days to go...one day at a time.