Woke up this Morning

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September 30, 2005

Do you have this in my size????

This morning was quite possibly the best morning at work I never spent!!

My buddy's across from America and my best friend's invited us out to a club night next weekend that she's performing at, and as it requires that a certain dress code be adhered to I asked if he wouldn't mind spending the first 2-3 hours of the working day looking for something - Ahhemmm - suitable to wear.

So anyway, it felt alot like playing hookie from school, not that we haven't both worked our asses off this last week and we were in working last weekend anyway, but heh, the work's more or less been done and everyones happy - only fair we should get some time off to play too, huh??

Anyways, it was a lot of fun this shopping thing. Can't tell you what I bought (is it possible to blush on the internet?). My buddy and the sales assistants had a blast and I spent way too much money but sometimes these things just have to be done. As the song goes you "have to throw the stone to get the pool to ripple". Well, it's a mighty big stone I've tossed out into the pool and the ripples may take a while to fade but that's half the thing about fun, doing the things we shouldn't oughta. Well it's all harmless anyway, I should point out - raise a few eyebrows and get a few stairs - what the heck.

On a more yogic note, my pals doing Her yoga workshop this weekend which I'm really really looking forward to. It's gonna be a whole bunch of different things She's going to be trying out so I'm really excited about it for her. She said She's been reading up on loads of things, got loads of ideas but still wants to basically go with the flow and keep it as organic as possible. Gotta admit I admire her for doing this cos I know myself I'd be at my wits end. She's taking life by the scruff of the neck and giving it a good old shake. No wonder I love Her so much!

So the weekend's fully loaded, friends are all sorted for what's going down, tickets are all prepared and ready and if the weather turns for the good things are just going to be zippitty-do.

Posted by graeme at 11:55 AM | Comments (0)

September 29, 2005

Views from the outside

Y'know, this morning I was going to come in and write up about the breakthrough I had to one of the postures I've been working on for the past 2 years but since I've sat down to write about it I've done nothing but think about why I'd want to actually let this information out into the world. If I tell you what it is that I've managed to achieve, and it's really only a small adjustment but in its own way quite huge, then am I just massaging my ego by declaring, yeah, look what I've done. Should I not adopt a more humble approach, keep the news to myself and happily go on about my day?

Eeeergh.

Well, I've been told I've a huge ego, which funnily enough I didn't think I did until it was kindly pointed out to me, which now it has I agree that I do. I guess what I'm saying is that it's kinda hard to recognise some aspects of yourself until someone points it out to you. My folks always told me as a kid that if I did something wrong it doesn't really matter what it is I've done (there's obvious exceptions to this) as long as I don't lie about it or try and cover up. It's not so much what you do but what you do next that's important. It's instant karma if you like. If you mess up, and realise that you've done so, then you can atleast attempt some form of restitution. That's kinda difficult when you don't actually realise you're doing something wrong, and are stuck in the continous pattern that creates that in you. Your frame of reference doesn't give you enough insight into yourself to see what is essentially obvious to the outsider. It's like seeing the back of your own head.

So. Something nice happened yesterday with my practice. I'm not going to gloat about it but I just wanted to share the positive fibe it's given me, and share the experience of finding my ego wanting to crow about it from the highest rooftop and being able at last to sit here and go, wow.... look at that.... then let it all slide.

Posted by graeme at 9:26 AM | Comments (2)

September 28, 2005

Junctions on the motorway of life....

They say that all good things come to an end and yesterday that happened for one of the best things going on in my life. Tuesday morning Mysore class isn't so much finishing as just relocating to another part of town so I mustn't grumble but sure I'm sad to see something so close to my heart come to an end. Classes here have only been running since June time but even in that short time I guess I've become attached to the place, the practice and without doubt, my teacher and how she's been helping me all this time to discover who I really am.

We've been practising in the morning in the main studio where our led primary takes place on a thursday evening. It's up on the second floor and has lovely windows looking south and east so gets flooded with sunlight as we practice. Ok, it's a bit on the noisy side with the traffic and all, but for me that helps me stay grounded in the sense it reminds me that I'm always part of the bigger world outside, not just the little bubble here in the studio.

A lot of people have remarked on the energy in this place. It's one of the happiest, warmest places I've had the joy to come and practice in. The teacher training I finished in August took place here and it's filled with wonderful happy memories of that time and the many, many practices I've been too, the people and the faces. It's got that same loving energy as the Mysore Mandala, the way the light creeps in from the windows and the gradients of grey fade out to glorious colour. It's a wonderful engaging place.

Still. Tuesday Mysore will always have a special place in my heart. The class at its peak maybe only saw half a dozen people but the energy we all brought to the practice has been soo supportive to us all. And I've a special thanks to the teacher - for believing in herself that She could make this happen; for believing that people would want to come; for sticking it out and having faith in the universe through the lean times (the day She thought about quitting 6 people turned up); for working through my unintended resistance and sticking by my practice regardless; for the many wonderful adjustments, and your persistance in working them through with me each time; for being there at the start and at the end, and doing so with light, laughter and consistent professionalism and love. I know we put each other through the ringer and I'm so really glad we managed to get past that and remain friends.......

My friend said the other day that you learn the hardest lessons about yourself from the ones you are closest too. They've got the courage and the heart to show you your downfalls and your weaknesses but do so with all the love and support they can give. They're not trying to hurt you but to help, and though the lessons are hard they never think any less of you through it all. You've taught me so very much not just about yoga but about myself and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So the new place is going to be a change and with that there's always going to be a sense of upheaval. Still, that gives us all a chance to put this thing called yoga into practice and see what we can learn from the experience and of ourselves. I must say I'm looking forward to it all immensely.

Posted by graeme at 9:00 AM | Comments (0)

September 27, 2005

Your gonna think I'm weird....

Funny how the strangest of things can make your day. I'd been on a bit of a downer all day really and decided that yup, twas time to do the ironing.

So anyways, as usual I like to iron with something to watch on the google box, so threw in the latest offering from Amazon rentals (how lazy is that getting DVDs delivered right to the front door?). If you haven't seen the film.. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, then I must say I highly recommend it, well, atleast for when you're ironing. Each scene (I haven't watched it all yet) goes on for a bit which really kinda draws you in. Liz Taylor and Paul Newman just ooze all over the place.. The tension just rises and rises... what is it that soooo disgusts Brick (Newman's character - now there's a fantastic name for one, huh?). Who's going to get Big Daddy's money?

So anyway. It fair cheered me up. The movie, not the ironing, you understand!

Posted by graeme at 5:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2005

Remember this place..... it's called home.

There's a bit of a revelation over the weekend. Went back home to see my folks, drop some stuff off to store, pick some other stuff up. Got a strange feeling as I got nearer. Couple of things I noticed. How different things seem back there. The home town sits in a valley yet I never really appreciated how many trees there were. At one stage they seemed to be standing there welcoming me back home, almost human in their appearance. If you can imagine what it must be like for a runner on a marathon to run along streets lined with people either side.... it felt a bit like that. Over the last 4-5 months I've noticed how many wind chimes I'm coming across. It never dawned on me where I might be getting this from until I came down the stairs in my parents house and knocked into one. There's not just 1 there, but 3!! Has the wind-chime thoughts been there in my sub-conscious all this time and it's bubbled up from the days of being back home? Stuff like this keeps happening. It's happening a lot.

All weekend things have been falling in to place. There would be plans to arrive somewhere and things would get in the road or slip out of place but nevertheless I'd still arrive at the alotted time. Not like 5 or 10 minutes late but pretty much bang on when I was due to arrive. It's been weird. Ever since the metamorphic, what I can best call the 'swelling' sensation I've occassionally felt in my heart chakra I can feel it within me like some touch flame that's been lit. I'm just so much more aware of what 'me' represents.

My friend (who's a big whisky fan) and me dropped in to a distillery that was having an open day. My best friend's often talked about the essence of things, nature, people, practice and the like, and whilst I've understood what she's been getting act it's only recently I've been feeling what she's meant. The smell, ambience, atmosphere if you like along the distillery tour was incredible. 42,000 litres whittled down through various fermentation processes to 4000 litres of the good stuff (though it's never really been my cup of tea). All along the process there's loss of volume... evaporation, droppage due to wrong alcohol levels and the like. It just struck me that this was a micro-cosm of the Universe and that every grain going into the making of the whisky could be seen as a life, or life force. Whittling down as the liquid matures... is that life that's destined to go through another couple of cycles before reaching enlightenment? And the still man, playing it like God deciding if you're 'pure' enough to get into the final batches for casking? The whisky's taking flavours from everywhere, what it's stored in, what was in there before it, what temperature it's at, how long it ferments for... And for me, have I been keeping myself open enough so my essence can be 'coloured' in the same way by the experiences, the people, the natural world in which I live? Am I adding anything of myself to this world or purely mimicking what's around me. Where's the tiny seed that's me? How can I let it's flavour out?

And they even call this stuff the water of life.

It struck me that I'm a grain going through the same process of life. It was very profound.

Posted by graeme at 8:41 AM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2005

Cancer moon in a horoscope

BREATH IN BREATH OUT

Breath in breath out what can I say
If I only asked could you show me the way
As the things you think are so sincere
A way to your heart to me so dear

Breath in breath out no mitigation
A bowel full of laughs in an irrigation
A naked picture to have to hold
A moment to keep and never sold

Breath in breath out a little glance
A sway of hips in a latino dance
To pull you close to kiss those lips
A bowl of soup of a thousand sips

A path a sign a motorway
To walk to run to want to stay
You give me faith you give me hope
A cancer moon in a horoscope

Breath in breath out a twist a turn
So close I hear your stomach churn
To hold you close to know I care
For the girl with the golden soft caramel hair

Breath in breath out a morning sun
A singing shower and mantra fun
You lie in bed so warm so free
No place on earth I’d rather be

Posted by graeme at 8:21 AM | Comments (0)

September 22, 2005

Peace in the valley

Well, there's a turn up for the books. I help out with my teacher's Yoga Flow class on a Wednesday night, adjusting and sorting out the basic technicalities of the few beginners that are in the class. I readily admit that most of the adjustments I make are very small and any manipulations aren't of the calibre of those I receive from the teachers I go to myself. I know I shouldn't judge myself but I guess I always like to think I'm doing a good job and that it's a benefit to someone. Class last night was pretty hard for me. Yoga flow's never an easy class to adjust in anyway, the teacher says as much herself and she's always been very grateful for the help I provide, and I'm constantly trying to remain as anonymous in the class as possible to not detract from the practice going on. I try and ease in gently and see where it goes from there.

The new students that are there have been coming now for about 4-5 weeks so most of them are atleast aware that I'm moving around the room. Some are even starting to ask for specific help and the few people whose practice I know well enough are happy that I remember that I helped them with that posture the week before and for me to help them again. For me its a strange thing that people actually thank you for assisting them in a posture. I feel that I'm getting more benefit from assisting in the class than they do from me so I always feel I should be thanking them for letting me 'try' things out on them. Still, I enjoy what I'm doing, the teacher's happy that I'm there and the students keep coming back, which is a good thing. Last night I had 2 people thank me after class on the adjustments I'd made. One for the re-alignment in Savasana which is always nice. It's a real nice thing just to support someone's head and I've always found it felt wonderful when it's done to me. Then there's the guy who's been coming to class for years that no-ones been close to for equally as long. Personally I think he deserves as much attention as the rest of the class so it felt nice to try and help him out too.

So all in a good experience. The evening's entertainment was so much fun afterwards and I'm sure I enjoyed most of it because of the calming effect the class before has on me. Life's just slipping nicely into a lower gear. There's less chaos, less turmoil and what seems like more time to watch things evolve and pass on bye.

Posted by graeme at 1:32 PM | Comments (0)

September 21, 2005

Sail away with me honey....

You can say what you like about the man with the wobbly head, but to me Mr David Gray is quite simply Genius. His concert last night was an absolute blast. Resplendant in his cream suit and black shirt the man just oozed class and style all over the place. He smiled like the wee boy who'd got his fingers into the cookie jar and gotten away with it. The man just beamed from ear to ear.

I hadn't heard much of his new album, and the track names escape me now but wow, there are some corkers in there too. The title track.. "Life in Slow Motion" (i think) has the same powerful, powerful emotions and lyrics of his older numbers. There's no strain on his voice whatsoever and boy, can he belt this stuff out! He played what I would imagine is most of his new album, dipped into tracks from his previous two, jumped from piana to acoustic and engaged with all of the band members on regular intervals. He even 'yellow carded' himself for messing up the lyrics on the smash 'Babylon', and even attempted a pretty darn good Scottish accent. For a guy who must've sung this song a 1000 times it was so amazing to see him have so much fun singing it. An inspiration to all of us and the things that we do.

You know it's been a great gig when you can hear people singing the songs as the troop out of the building. He's back again in December and on this showing I'd imagine the tickets will go pretty quick. if you're thinking about going... go, you'll not be disappointed.

Posted by graeme at 9:12 AM | Comments (1)

September 20, 2005

The things I say

Sometimes I just dumb found myself at the stupidity of the things I say. Just this morning I was adjusted in Supta Kurmasana so far that my head finally rested on the tops of my feet. Cause for celebration you would think, huh? Well in the changing room afterwards I actually heard myself say to my friend as I explained how it felt. "I don't want to be here". Ok, maybe just a flippant remark, but I've learned to my cost recently that snide remarks like this can offend people and strain friendships, and here I am doing it to myself. Jeez. And I like really really want to be here too. Can't think of any other place on the planet right now I'd rather be. Eeekkk.

I gotta do something about this opening my mouth business prior to engaging my brain. I've been thinking alot recently about going on one of those Vipassana retreats. A 10 day silent meditation courses where you effectively have no contact and you're left to consider your thoughts and focus in on your inner self. I'd really like to get to the bottom of all this.

Mantra: Engage then speak, engage then speak, engage then speak.

Posted by graeme at 2:09 PM | Comments (1)

September 19, 2005

Baldies from Inverkip

I had a blast saturday night, ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks. Went to a local comedy club, something my friend's suggested going to before and I've always declined for no particular reason. Anyway, this weekend we went and it was great. Ireland's king of comedy was the main act and well he was the sort of bloke you'd laugh at just by looking at him. The guy's banter with the crowd was terrifically funny. I think he hardly got into his repertoire as he spent so much time dealing with hecklers, who even ended up heckling each other at one point! The female compere for me really stole the show though, slagging everyone and everything off. She was a hoot. Taggart will never be the same again ;>

So that was saturday. A few laughs, some good friendly company and some clean, wholesome fun. Well, ok. Maybe not clean or wholesome by any means of the word but it was a laugh all the same. Fair made the weekend.

Posted by graeme at 8:45 AM | Comments (0)

September 17, 2005

Every times she sneezes I believe it's love

So the titles to these entries you may or may not have worked out come from lyrics of wee songs rattling about in my head at the moment. If 'Gods' a DJ then this is what's on my radio so to speak. Well it ain't actually true because some of the entries are linked to some other weird shit that's been going down, but you've maybe figured that out too..

Today I'm at the J.O.B. Yup, it's a saturday, yup, I'm working :< Bum bum bum bummer. Anyways. It's raining outside and well I guess this stuff's gotta get done.. and my buddies here to take away the loneliness of it all so that's kinda cool. He's just asked me the funniest question I've heard for a long time but for reasons of national security I've promised to stay stumm about it. Maybe in the next life I'll let it slip. He's so lucky, he's got a great marriage.

Which is nice. Real nice.

I found out my new flat mate got engaged just a couple of weeks ago and I never knew. Seems she's only telling people who notice she's wearing an engagement ring, which is cool.

Full practice last night. Was a blast. Had a thing called the Metamorphic Technique (see http://www.metamorphicassociation.org.uk) done to me earlier on the week and while personally I've been feeling extremely chilled out and relaxed my practice got turbo charged. Backbends were a joy, partly because my wrists no longer hurt, and headstand felt like the proverbial slice of little heaven. Ah, these days, when they are good they're very good. Somebody kiss me quick or I'm gonna explode with joy!

So the title??? Counting Crows.... Anna Begins.. go check it out. They rock!

Posted by graeme at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2005

Sod this for a game of soldiers....

Nearly the weekend and it cant come soon enough. Sorted out some financial stuff with my so-called 'friends' last night that was none to pleasant. Still, felt a lot calmer than usual so that helped. Have been a bit of a yoga slob recently by not practicing but joining my yoga friends in a self practice group tonight that i'm really looking forward to.

It's funny but for me the dividing line between yogic and non-yogic friends is getting wider and I'm beginning to drift further away from the non-yogic set of friends I have. I just don't get them anymore, and to be fair, they don't get me. It's the little stuff as much as the bigger picture. For sure they think it's kinda whacky to want to get up at 6am for a yoga class every day of the week, but to pay for the pleasure to them's just nuts. My yoga friends just seem much more understanding and supportive. I know we've a lot in common with the practice and all but its not like we sit around and talk about asana all night - wine, women and song just like everybody else. My Friend's off on a blind date tonight so I'm looking forward to the juicy gossip afterwards. I hope he hits it of as he's a real nice guy and deserves a bit of a break. We all do now and again.

It's a strange place you can find yourself in when you realise you're no longer being friends with someone but just being. It's happening to me with several people just now. Yoga's been changing me in so many ways over the last year. For a second I thought the change was abaiting but, heck, I actually think it's speeding up. Yesterday, for example, I just got sooooo fed up with the consumeristic views of my friends. That Tom Cruise phrase - 'Give me the money, Give me the money' seemed to be ringing at me from everywhere. There's gotta be more to life than that. Jeeez. My friends actually endangered 10 years of friendship over 20 quid.

I just thought - sod that, do I really want to have friends that I would have such petty conversations with?

Posted by graeme at 8:18 AM | Comments (1)

September 15, 2005

Camel that broke the straw

EEEE gads.... what a day.

Posted by graeme at 3:54 PM | Comments (0)

September 14, 2005

Memories are made of this...

Went to the airport this morning to pick up my friend across from the States. He's in to help me out with some work at the J.O.B. as I'm getting a bit behind. It's a bit of a jolly for him to be here, though he's been here many times before over the 9-10 years I've known him. He essentially does the same J.O.B in the States as I do here, except he's alot closer to the source for all things wonderful so has a bit more knowledge of the tools I use.

I think it's safe to say he's my best friend, which is a funny thing to call him as I see him maybe once a year if I'm lucky. Still, from our first initial meeting where we infamously found out we had the same taste in music, it's all been a blast!

So here I am sat at the arrivals lounge waiting for him when I start thinking of the last time I was here. Seems that even the smallest of memories these days remind me of Her. We we're only here the twice, once when She arrived back home from Her travels and I offered to pick Her up, once when we took a trip together down south. Ghosts, you would say. Samscaras, I believe... grooves in the record that our minds play back to us over and over again at the least little stimulus. Well, there was enough here to trigger a few. It was the stall where for 60 quid you can buy a ticket to win the latest dream from Mr Porsche, fantastic in gleaming black - the guy was actually polishing the roof with what looked like his tie this morning! I remember Her hovering around looking at and all it represents. At the time it meant nothing, yet now, the memory is so much more valuable. Another notch to be more mindful.

I got to thinking if this happens when I practice too. I guess it does.. Positions I used to get into, or a time when a particular pose seemed impossibly difficult that I can now reach. I understand the view at a primitive level that the mind is primarily a self defense mechanism to keep us alive long enough to propogate the species. But it's truly amazing some of the things it can do. How fantastic is it that one small cue can cause the mind to recall a whole series of linked events and feelings at the drop of a hat? The early experiences of starting out on this yoga thing, the first class, the first attempts at postures beyond navasana, Mysore, friends, families, life. All just memories. Groves on the record. Experiences to help me grow, to understand more about myself and about this thing called life.

I read once that yoga doesn't change us it just allows more of who we really are to come out. Bring it on. Got me some more grooves to burn.

Posted by graeme at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)

September 13, 2005

Rest in Peace

Practice this morning was a blast. Got a really nice adjustment in Mari-D though I had to back off on the hand grab as my elbow keeps popping off the top of my knee and I've been finding it really counter-productive to keep pressing. So got some help in a lesser form with a much more stable rotation without the bind. Felt so much better and with a much stronger foundation. Got a nice post posture body manipulation after head stand which was particuarly nice as it's a closing posture and usually you're left well alone to do these ones. I could feel the tension release from my back and shoulders as I was manipulated. Was really a nice thoughtful thing for the teacher to do.

Well the new place turned out really good. I stayed behind to give the person I'm now sharing with a lift back as I wanted to arrive with her at the same time first night. I got shown around again. Where things go in the kitchen, how the shower works and the like. We shared some light supper, chatted a while about her family - she'd had a phone call from her brother saying the family dog died at the weekend when it was trampled by a horse. Yikes. Not a nice thing to hear about of a monday evening but she seemed to take it pretty well.

I guess when it's our time to go it's our time to go. Dogs as well.

Posted by graeme at 3:21 PM | Comments (0)

September 9, 2005

Angels

Recently I've been plagued with short-sightedness. Mostly at the J.O.B where things I'm looking for on the screen are sitting there right under my nose and I just can't see the wood for the trees. I'm thinking that's the case with my practice too. In class this morning the teacher suggested I was curling up my Janu Sirsana C too much into a ball and that I was leaving no space to move into. The compactness of my posture prevents me from breathing deeper into it. I'm scrunching my hips out of position and twisting everything out of shape... I'm getting in the way of myself and it's happening right there under my nose. It's fantastic the insight good teachers working with your practice can give you. They can see not only the glaringly obvious things we might pick up ourselves but the tiny little bits that can make all the difference, primarily because they're not restricted in what they can see. It's 360 degrees of gloriously clear technocolour posture. They're like SuperNanny for yoga students!!! I got pulled up by John Scott once in class when he was assisting another student and I swear he could tell I was out of sorts with the posture simply by the noises I was making that he could hear. Teachers are a blessing to us all. As my friend said recently... Good ones are like angels.

Posted by graeme at 12:37 PM | Comments (0)

September 8, 2005

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true

Sometimes you'd think it was easier to put something down than pick it up all the time. In practice this morning I discovered I've been lifting my left wrist everytime I do a jump back. How long's that been going on? You think I'd have noticed especially since it's been hurting for about 3 weeks now! Huh, what games your mind can play on itself. Perhaps I've just been deluding myself that it was something else going on there to cause the pain. I gotta admit the advise I got recently to imagine a small tear in the mat between my hands and to try and make it bigger when in downward dog really has helped tremendously (along with flattening my calves onto the mat in seated bends). It's taken me two weeks to get to the bottom of the pain, but I guess it doesn't matter what sort of pain you go through on these little journeys but moreover that you get out of the other side, intact and safe. Sure, there's lots to learn from the experiences, if you're mindful enough.... Just goes to show that a little bit of help and some self exploration can go such a long way. And the knock on effect has been to lift my spirits (and boy do I need some of that !??!) which can only be a good thing.

I've been on a bit of a downer recently.... just read some of the earlier posts... i guess this comes through anyway. And to be honest to myself by 'recently' I probably mean as far back as February. Still, I'm not going to labour over the details, that would only be venting my angst out into the Universe so I'm going to remain positive, hold onto my faith, breath in and out all day long and just see where it goes from here. I've so many things to be thankful for in my life, some great friends and world class teachers to be with and learn from. The truth's been there in front of me all that time and I've just chosen to ignore it and well, I can only be responsible for my own pain after that, huh?

So. My dream's not coming true and I've been lying to myself. I admit that. I guess it's only time before I see what's happening next.

Posted by graeme at 10:42 AM | Comments (0)

September 7, 2005

She knows how to rock and roll...

God she's just sooo damn beautiful. I had the joy of watching her run between the line of cars waiting at the traffic lights this morning, her hair still wet and kissing her face as she danced between the cars like New York taxis. You can see her radiance spinning off her as she fades into the distance. And she's so in touch with the world cos she said so just minutes before in my arms. There's many a wonderful sight I have had the good fortune of seeing in my days but this up there with the best of them. And she's been looking utterly fantactic these past days. Her eyes are all lit up and radiant, so crystal clear you can just tell she's seeing so many more colours than you and I are. If there's ever a woman coming out and blossoming in my eyes I'll be damned if it isn't happening right here in front of me. And then she's gone... but the energy shes spun from the universe remains.. it's still there swirling away with the leaves in the square. She's got that 'just walked out of a salon' thing going on...so strong you can almost taste it in the wind.

Her beauty, grace, charisma and energy, her 'joi de vivre' just fire up my heart and my spirit so much.....

Posted by graeme at 1:22 PM | Comments (0)

September 6, 2005

Jeux sans frontier

I've been looking at this empty page now for 30mins. Have I nothing to say or are the things I should really say just too hard to get out?

Practice this morning was a challenge in many ways having to get up much earlier to drive in to town. Though on reflection now, getting up an extra hour earlier helped me wake up a bit more than the day before. I was awake at 2.30am and couldn't get back to sleep - stepping on the dog on the way to the loo didn't go down to well with the pooch either!??! Bit like my practice this morning, my mind stamping about all over the place, no real calm to it all. Even this entry's disjointed in its words. Chitta vritta.

This is going nowhere....

Typical me.... The more I try the harder I make it for myself. I should really write this stuff when I can feel the words oozing out of me rather than try and sit here and force something out. Am I just playing at this stuff too or am I investing in something by being here? So many things that are almost right but not quite there. If only this and only that..... Games without frontiers indeed

Posted by graeme at 10:51 AM | Comments (1)

September 5, 2005

The place is here the time is now

One thing that came out of the weekend is that I final owned up to myself that I was at loggerheads with the Universe for what happened at New Year. I'd had such a fantastic Xmas day spending it with a great bunch of people and a very close friend. I had an absolute blast getting back really to what for me is what Xmas is all about - coming together with people and having and sharing fun.

I was soooo looking forward to New Year as well, but ended up with a healthy dose of food poisoning. I say healthy as it was the best damn clear out I've ever had!! I didn't realise it till now how much I'd been looking forward to enjoying myself that day. Needless to say I ended up going out (I should've stayed in) and had a really awful time. Soon I was getting the shakes, couldn't hear myself talk, felt totally spaced out and just wanted to curl up and die. Couldn't have been much fun for the people I was with either (sorry).

This weekend I realised I've been carrying a lot of pent up angst from that day, feelings that I'd somehow been cheated of my New Year. Denied the chance to have a good time and that somehow I ended up with a destiny I hadn't planned for and didn't want.

Well, no sense in crying over spilt milk and all, but simply to admit to the fact that I was still miffed about it was a big release for me. There's been an unearthly amount of change in my life over the last 2 years, but this wasn't something I wasn't thinking I had an issue with, so when it came up it was a bit of a shock. And in all fairness it was me who chose to take the food that ended up giving me food poisoning anyway. I'm not sure if the Universe was trying to tell me something that day, but it's certainly telling me something now. New Years a special day. But so is today, and so is this place.

Funny the things that come up when you step off the mat in the morning.

Posted by graeme at 11:14 AM | Comments (0)

September 2, 2005

One good turn deserves another?

I was thinking about Saraswati this morning. I can remember she'd come across and help in utthita hasta padangusthasana and the feeling of impending doom I'd get when I realised she was already standing there waiting to help. It's funny how now that I'm further on with this posture that my ego kicks in and wants to say "see what I can do now!". Man her adjustments were so strong! Sometimes, though, I felt I was going to end up on my backside having been lifted cleanly off my heel!!

But she'd always stay and assist on both sides. I was thinking I really liked that. I've been assisting in class recently and finding it wee bit awkward sometimes to find the right place to stand either waiting for the next opportunity to help or between sides of a posture when assisting. Saraswati just stood there in front of you - I can clearly remember doing chataurangas with my head right up against her ankles!! In classes I've been attending sometimes I'd only get adjusted one side or the adjuster would disappear out of site then magically re-appear when I started the other side. I guess in flow classes it's different when there can be a couple of posture in between as well - I remember being beckoned across a class to re-adjust someone in pigeon posture as I'd already done one side and she didn't want to be left uneven - fair enough!

Something to work on me thinks...

Posted by graeme at 12:03 PM | Comments (0)

September 1, 2005

Fields of Gold

Sometimes all we can do is plant the seeds, count our blessings and have faith that it’s gonna rain...

Posted by graeme at 9:01 AM | Comments (0)