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October 29, 2005
Underneath the arches
Last night my friend held a special yoga class for the celtic New Year, or samhain (pronounced sa-whey-nn apparently). It was very, very good. She started of with some mantra chants for the chakras, which I've read about but never tried. All the lam, lam, lam, yam, yam, yam, ram, ram, ram, lum, lum, lum stuff increasing in fever pitch until the oms at the end. And I must say the sound of the oms were quite incredible. I really like the studio where we practice, it has such a warm, supportive light and energy about it and the oms last night fairly resounded that both off the walls and through our hearts. It was really, really nice. Took me back to Mysore Mandala and the last day I spent in Mysore - and that was a wee slice of heaven.
Class progressed at a fair lick after that. Lots of chakra opening postures (heaven and earth) and long held stretches, twists and foundation grounding. I really liked the hip openers and had loads of little pops going on at the most unusual of places - I'd change my feet in padmasana and pop, my hip would crack. Was just wonderful.
After the 108, the sun salutes weren't so bad, though we did loads of them, with sublte variations between each. Some yoga flow, some qi gong in there to boot.
Funniest thing was there was a beer festival on in the hall underneath and as we share toilets with them and I needed to go before practice I went down in my thai pants to be met by the stares of indignation from 4 semi-inebriated blokes who couldn't believe I'd prefer to go do 2 hours of yoga on a Friday night where for 5 quid I could've enjoyed the delights of some 20+ beers from around the world. It's the first time I've ever recoiled from the smell of alcohol on someone's breath before. Gad, this yoga stuff don't have make you change!!
After the end of the class we sat down to enjoy each others company and sit around talking. Then, when the teacher nipped out to get some cups for the tea a drunk glaswegian stuck her head into the door and shouted at us "Where's the booze??". Down one flight we said. "Aw fer feck's sake!" came the reply. Funny enough in itself till the 3 of us looked at each other and realised that here we were, 3 men sitting decked out in lycra and thai pants, 10.30 on a Friday night with about 30 bags of tea scattered across the floor and candles and yoga mats all over the place. Can't imagine what that poor girl thought of us.
Then we went out dancing. I was all for going home (I'm working today) but heh, sometimes you just gotta say - what the heck. So I did, I went, had an absolute blast, though I did fall over and bashed my knee when doing my "Fame! I want to live forever" routine in a huge open part of the club !
Posted by graeme at 12:15 PM | Comments (1)
October 28, 2005
RTFM
Well, the learning goes on. In the led Mysore class last night I managed to mess up one side of Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana for the student I was assisting. It strikes me as the same thing I went through when learning to Jive dance. As a lead you have to learn to direct your partner, forcefully enough that they get the jist of where you're going to go next, yet subtlely enough that it doesn't detract from the grace of what is ultimately a dance after all. So, last night I think it was a combination of not leading, and not listening to what was going on. Rather than taking a bit of control and leading through the sequence I let myself become reactive to what the student was doing. Heck I even remember how forceful Saraswati was in Mysore, so I should be able to bring some of that into my assisting here as I know what it feels like myself. Finally found a source for helping with the 'art' of assisting, other than the 2 workshops I've found I'd like to go on, so I'm going to set aside some time to study these over the weekend - swallow my own advice and rtfm as they say.
On a lighter side, last night I went to look at a new flat. Since when did 'All modern appliances' equate to there being no washing machine and the immersion heater not working?? And the nice sunny living room currently accomodates 2 smokers..... did they think I wouldn't notice these things? I know it's near halloween and all but the guy showing me around actually finished by saying he didn't like people touching his clothes.... spooky!
Posted by graeme at 11:16 AM | Comments (0)
October 27, 2005
Body knows best
So my practice yesterday went ahead but it pretty soon became apparent that my body was having none of it, or atleast as little as possible. Seems the effects of the 108 jump backs from the Great 108 charity event took more out of me than I realised. I'm now the not-so-proud owner of a nicely painful pair of shin-splints. :< Though I can't really complain as I can still walk. I used to get shin splints quite regularly as a kid with all the sports I was doing, nothing that R.I.C.E (rest ice compression elevation) couldn't alleviate, though I remember one occassion it felt like I was walking on broken glass right up the front of my legs.
So practice was slow. Lots of step back and forwards, lots of time to 'plod' through the practice rather than flow.
On the J.O.B. front I've been tracking down a missing 1p in a retail calculation since Friday afternoon and I've just found the root cause. Some idiot (me) had put a curly brace in some C++ code in the wrong place and inadvertently changed what should've been a pair of commands in to one single command under a certain test (0% discount).
Last night's assisting in the Yoga Flow class was much better, lots of nice rapport with people in the class from the teacher - she's got such a lovely way of interacting with people it makes helping in the class beside her a real pleasure. Nearly let one student fall too far forward on Prasarita Padottanasana C but thankfully managed to get my leg in quick enough, though I'm sure She felt it Herself and held Herself up. Thanks for the lesson there by the way.
So, since the start of the week I've had a few reminders that it's the little things that can make a lot of difference. All the same I'm in a bit of a quandry as to what to do over the weekend. Been invited down to my Friend's new place but I'm not sure if being in Her company is good for me anymore. I really miss Her and all and it's great when She's around but it's just getting a bit difficult for me now to think of Her with other people. Sometime I wish it could just come out that She's with someone new and that would be it.... maybe the healing process could begin, but for now I know deep down inside I'm still hanging on, god only knows why.
It's the Celtic new year this weekend so I know it's a good time to be clearing stuff out. Just don't know if I can bring myself to do it. Gonna watch my feelings on the mat and see what comes up, re-read my yoga sutras, then I'll take it from there, one breath at a time.
Posted by graeme at 10:29 AM | Comments (0)
October 26, 2005
Message in a bottle...
"Live loves you, and it tries to show you that in all the ways it can. Even when it goes downwards, every moment is a gift, every excperiance you make is a step to your inner you, to happiness that never goes away....
hard to immagine, isn't it?! Sometimes I feel so close to it and sometimes I feel so far away from simple happiness."
Friends? Where would we be without them?
Posted by graeme at 8:49 AM | Comments (0)
October 25, 2005
E Pluribus Unum
Practice this morning brought up some stuff ...
In kurmasana, with my nose edging towards the floor and my teacher's weight on my back I found myself hurting. Not so much by the pressure the posture always seems to put on the backs of my heels but by that annoying little sound in the middle of my head. The one that's always telling you to stop, that's far enough, just go easy, take a break. Teacher's coaxing me to go further into the posture by manipulating my arms, shoulders my legs, whatever the voice is saying, will inflict more pressure. But I can feel my heels as if they're not even part of my body. I'm almost outside myself as if feeling someone else's pain, hearing the chatter inside someone else's head. But I know it's my own, it's my own voice and it wont shut up.
Then I get floods of memories back. People shouting at me...
When I was small I went to swimming club. Coaches telling you to lift your elbow, another set to do, keep the tempo. Then there was athletics training... Another pyramid to go, pick up the knees, up and down those stair wells another twice, coaches telling you one more time... up round Arthur's Seat we go. Rugby training the same, one more maul, one more tackle, one more burpee. Karate, one more round of free sparing, one more Kata, hold the block higher, kick harder, more, more, more...
And now at Yoga the advice is coming and my mind's going nuts.. more, more, more and y'know I've just about had enough. I've become lazy. My practice is sluggish when I'm not under the spotlight of someone standing over me or I think I'm not being watched. And it seems I've always been like this. It was really noisy in my head all this stuff going on and all I wanted was for it to stop so I could just relax... breathe out, let it all go.
So I guess it's good to feel, to know my tensions coming out , that things are coming up from my past and I can watch them through the time on the mat. I can work on the truthfulness of my practice now I've caught myself watching the watcher.
Next practice is going to be interesting I feel.
Posted by graeme at 2:23 PM | Comments (0)
October 24, 2005
So glad we made it...
So the Great 108 is over - hurrah!!
There was a small group of 6 of us and our yoga teacher, respendent in the Sari that she bought in Mysore, to guide us all through the trials of 108 sun salutation A's. Everyone was in high spirits though there was the inevitable cancellations and drop outs at the last minute, but it was still good to see so many of my friends there to raise funds for the orphanage in Mysore.
108 doesn't sound like a lot but when the teacher stops you after 30 to ask if everyones ok, then at 54 and suggests that we've done enough (it had taken 40 minutes to get half-way!), you've gotta lot of time on your hands to let the demons make you want to quit. Several times I nearly stepped into Sun Salute B so strong was the habit of doing 5A then 5B. I'd tried to count along with my teacher but only managed to get as far as 8 - sooo glad she was there - we even asked her if she was ok to continue counting!
Got to admit that I found it very hard going... my pecs began screaming at me after about 60, my shoulders were beginning to get quite sore as I know I raise them up to my ears too much, and my big toe was beginning to blister on my eco-mat which alarmingly was getting rather hot and wearing through so quickly I had to turn it around after 70. Thankfully I could see my friend out of the corner of my eyes and when I was finding it hard tuning in to Her breathing helped me out a lot. Then we got rescued by our teacher who, probably sensing that we were beginning to struggle, decided to pop on some Shania Twain to help lift the tempo. Not only that, but she also began singing at the top of her voice and dancing all over the place as she counted. It was an absolute hoot. The last 20 odd salutes went past so quick I kinda think we should've done the whole 108 like that, singing into our mats!!
I was as stiff as the proverbial cart horse yesterday... managed to dawdle my way through a full series in the afternoon, more to stretch out the other parts of my body than through any form of machoism. Am feeling the benefits today as not as stiff as I thought I'd be.
Anyone for 108 Sun Salute Bs???
Posted by graeme at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2005
Great 108
So the end of another busy, busy week.
Mysore intensive this week was a blast as usual. Learnt I'm pushing too hard and my bandhas are engaging too much and as a result everythings getting all squashed up. I've been tasked to focus in on my in breath where I shouldn't feel any movement in my abdomen (I was engaging them too much here) and breathe into the back of my rib cage at the heart, expanding the chest along the rib cage as it lifts.
I've also been shown the next stage on the jump backs. Pull the knees into the chest whilst supported only on the sitting bones, plant the feet as close to the backside as possible then push down and extend the hips and sitting bones high into the air bringing all the weight onto my hands, lift the feet and float back to plank. Easier said than done.
Last night I messed up in assisting by taking one of the guys one posture ahead of where the class was. Oops. The teacher quickly corrected me but it made me think that I should be working ahead rather than re-acting to what's going on in front of me (he crashed out of the posture and my instinct was to help him back into it).
So, after 4 full on intensive days and 2 bounce classes I shouldn't have attended (but did to accompany my Swiss friend), too many late nights and too much chocolate by far, tomorrow I've to face the Great 108 which is a charity event being run by groups of Ashtangis all over to raise money for an orphanage in Mysore. Click here for more info on the charity. Tomorrow from 2pm half a dozen of us (or so) will be doing 108 Surya namaskara A's. 108 of them. Eeek. And I'm as stiff as an old cart horse!!! Never mind, go lots of sponsors and looking forward to the mental challenge of getting through all 108 sun salutes. Will be an experience for sure.
Managed to see the film "What the bleep do we know" and finally admitted to my ex-whatever that I'm missing Her.
Posted by graeme at 2:30 PM | Comments (0)
October 20, 2005
Go read this.....
Mysore musings: Thich Nhat Hanh
I met Russell in Mysore at Joseph's white elephant on Xmas eve. He was standing there helping himself to the rice. I said hello, he introduced himself, I asked where the spoons were, we smiled and went on our way. It was only afterwards that I realised who he was.
He doesn't post much these days but what he does say is very profound.
Posted by graeme at 11:52 AM | Comments (0)
October 19, 2005
Defect ID 2824
THRESHOLD MPO PROCESSING - if a quantity is applied to the carrot item (of MPO type 6) there is no MPO discount applied even though the threshold is satisfied.
Another day at the J.O.B.
Posted by graeme at 12:14 PM | Comments (0)
October 18, 2005
I know, I know......
Ahha.....last night was quite litterally a howl (pun intended).... Took my Swiss friend down to the Hatha class in the city centre that the ex-whatever runs. Due to the full moon and all, the class had its fair share of moon salutations and lots of wonderfully long held stretches. Her class isn't half coming on I must say and numbers are up as well so I'm really pleased for Her. It can be a bit weird sometimes (I only go once in a while when I feel I really need a good stretch and I know I'll get it in this class) what with the fact that Her new friend is in the class but he's a nice enough bloke, so yeah, I'm kinda happy for Her. Wish things we're different all the same but that isn't the present I'm in now so, heck, nothing to do but get on with it I suppose....
Went out afterwards to a very secret place for a cup of tea of all things. The place my Swiss friend took me to is so obscure that it doesn't even have a front sign on the main road to indicate where it its. Apparently it's based on a Czech Tea house... they've over 80 different brands of tea from all over the world, do wonderful veggie food and those smoking pot things out side on the porch. I even found a copy of MTV: Beavis and Butt Head beside the Bible and the Who's Who guide to Russia on the book shelf. Go figure.... The place was amazing (tho I must admit I'm not a great lover of tea, or coffee for that matter - how weird's that, huh?) and we soon settled in to our usual round of shocking each other. So here's the best bit... listen to this. I happen to think the Ex-whatever is really kinda cute looking, really vivacious in her own way. Let me just say that whatever it is I like about women she's got it in buckets, and to be honest with you I still kinda like her.... Anyways, as a means of easing the pain I'm in over Her, I said I thought I needed to get more female company in my life, to which my Swiss friend suggested that I should invest in a dog. I said I really preferred to be with someone I could be intimate with, affection, y'know, cuddles, sex and stuff. To which she just looked at me, nodded that "Well there's always the dog" type wink. Now I love animals as much as the next guy, but heh, you gotta draw the line somewhere.
Needless to say she won that round of "shocking" - nice one ;>
Practice this morning was a blast. 1st day of a week intensive our newest teacher runs once a month. There's a group of about 6 of us coming together regularly for this and the benefits are all begining to show in our practices. Not a strong practice by any means but a nice wee pop after Supta Kurmasana which is quickly becoming a sign of how my practice is going (I know I shouldn't get attached to this). Nice warm vibration in the room and its nicer to be practising their with more people this week than last.
Practiced beside Her as well which is always, always nice.
Oh... Almost forgot.... Cooking class tonight. Man what a blast that was. Am learning Vegetarian Cooking at the local veggie deli place where we made some wonderful salad stuff last week.... Carrot and Cumin Salad, Fig and Goat's cheese, Greek Easter Potatoes, Potato and Fennel baked with Saffron..... mmmmnnnnnmnnmmmn.. Think it's either starters or soups tonight. Taste buds just can't wait... Try this. Get the best Italian Balsamic vinegar, strawberries and cracked pepper. Mix it all in a bowl..... My god... it's a wee slice of heaven...
Posted by graeme at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)
October 17, 2005
Hug someone, you'll never know where it might lead.....
Saturday I spent most of the day with my Swiss friend. I met her over a year ago now within 2 days of her moving to Glasgow. We were at a ceileidh with friends and she'd come along with a girl I used to share a flat with. One of my yoga mates took a bit of a shine to her so I didn't actually spend a lot of time with her until very late in the evening. One of those nice to meet you, talk to you later type meetings that you think won't go anywhere then all of a sudden its a few weeks later and you're sitting sobbing your heart out to them on the sofa and they're there to tell you that, no your not an ass, that things will just work out how they're supposed to, and yeah you'll survive.
She was also one of the first people I ever tried to teach yoga too and as she's back in town visiting her boyfriend she wanted to hook up again to go over some stuff with her yoga. Happy to oblige. Over the last year she has become somewhat of a rock in my life which is quite remarkable what with the age difference and all but for whatever reasons there are we just seem to hit it off. She's fantastic fun to be with, takes a lot of stick from me - we like to shock each other in a nice sort of way, has such a wise head on someone so young, and is a great listener. She's a great great friend.
So it was fun to hang out with her. Class went really well ... usual 1hr that ends up being nearly 2. She wanted to cover breathing, standing postures (especially those with some degree of balancing in them) and head stand (which happens to be my forte) so we did that, threw in some stuff on downward/upward dog transitions and the like for good measure. First 1-2-1 for a while so was kinda pleased that she said she got a lot out of the time.
In the afternoon we went out shopping after chatting over lunch. More of a meander around town from one coffee shop to the other than anything else. Was nice, though, just to get away from yoga and the monotony of everyday problems. One point we went into a sports shop. I was looking for a wee bag and the next thing I know we're battering each other around the arms in a toy fight. She takes these things really well and doesn't look down on me when I let the kid out of the bag. Gonna miss her when she's gone..
So if you ever come across anyone from Switzerland. Give them a huge hug. You never know.... they may just turn out to be your best friend !!!
Posted by graeme at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2005
Took 10 years but we're engaged....
Spoke to Chuck over the weekend. He finally got back into Atlanta at 4am in the morning our time, thankfully in one piece and still holding on to the rucksac full of fine scottish whisky and beer he was 'liberating' back to America for his friends... Good man was true to his word and promptly proposed to his wife of some 10+ years going down on one knee to ask her to stay married to him! The story goes that Chuck's wife asked him to marry her and as they'd already known each other for some 5 years decided to skip the engagement ring thing. Well, Chuck finally got round to picking one out, got it secretly into the house while he was away and then surprised his wife on bended knee on his return. Ahhh. See what can happen when you spend some quality time in romantic Scotland, huh !!! ;> Seems the pair of them were in buckets of tears. Good to see that even after 10 years of marriage that good old fashioned romance is alive and kicking.
Well. I'm off to Sunday practice. Tis a lovely day outside so may just walk down to the city centre.
Posted by graeme at 2:39 PM | Comments (0)
October 14, 2005
Gone but not forgotten...
So my buddy left for Atlanta this morning... We all ate at Wagamamas last night which has some really tasty noodle dishes. Later four of us hung around in my friends room to the wee hours playing guitar and kicking back. It was a real nice way to end his trip here. One of my closest friends isn't replying to emails and my best friend's got less than 10 days left before she returns to Switzerland so i'm feeling a little blue this morning what with everything that's changing around me. Heck I feel a little different each day myself these days but it's just a little disconcerting this feeling of the earth rotating beneath my feet. Some of my friends say I'm really grounded but sometimes I feel like I'm just hanging on by the tips of my fingers. One nudge and the long dark drop beckons.
Practice this morning helped - again with a different person, my flat mate this time.... I'm beginning to think I'm everyones surrogate yoga buddy :> Had a softer pop after kurmasana though it surprised me by coming way earlier in plank on the way down to the chataranga. I'm staying down for 25 breaths in each of the 3 variations I do now which I think is helping alot. I think they call this yin yoga when you hold a position for an extended period.
Last night I assisted in the led primary class. This is everyone I know in the yoga community here's teacher that takes the class and she has a really lovely presence in the room and commands a lot of well deserved respect from the students, a lot of whom are teachers themselves. I feel very honoured to be allowed to help out and I learnt loads from the experience. It's been about a month since I helped out here as the class has been unusually quiet but I surprised myself to see how my confidence in adjusting has changed since the last time. I had a blast and managed to get round everyone of the 20 people in the class for atleast one posture. It's a nice feeling I must say but again I felt like thanking them for letting me adjust them. One of the teachers I know in the class is hopefully going to help me with my jump throughs. She does them so effortlessly so I've asked if she can help me out. We'll see what comes of it in the coming weeks.
As my friend Pink Tony says.... "Y'All have a *&^%$#$ great weekend!" Chuck. I'm gonna miss you man.
Posted by graeme at 12:07 PM | Comments (1)
October 13, 2005
On a Clear Day..
If you're lucky.....you can see some of the path that lies ahead. My friend leaves to go back home to Atlanta tomorrow and we spent a little bit of time this morning reminising over the music we've listened to this trip. On a clear day - this song's from the guy who used to front Men at Work, and I'll give you his name when my buddy gets back (Colin Hay). The thing is, and we've both agreed on this, that we're both at the same cross roads in our respective lives. He's quitting work to run a coffee shop, and I'm leaving work (hopefully) to go travel for a year. There's a women in each of our lifes who has a strong influence over us yet we both realise we're extremely fortunate for the love and support only they can give. There's difficulties, trials and tribulations for sure, but their presence is often enough to help us get through whatever life throws at us.
Yet we're both waiting for our real life to begin.... Yet, that's kinda absurd, as our real lifes are here and now.
I've practiced with 3 different people this week. Just the 2 of us each time (though my friend adjusted in the first class) from 7am till 8.30ish. It's funny how each practice has felt different with the people I'm beside.
Tuesday's was unbelievablty strong and dare I say hard work. The opening in my chest from the adjustments in Kurmasana followed by a help in up dog was a bit of an eye opener (as well as a chest opener). The additional help of an extra pair of hands is making such a difference to my practice I can understand why people get attached to it and wait for help in their 'favourite' postures.....
The second day was quiet, grounded, peacefull yet somewhat more self focussing. Same pop in the same place yet this time under my own steam. My friend's got the kind of practice that I'd be happy to sit in padmasana, eyes closed just to listen to Her Ujjayi breathing.....
So this morning when my friend who's just come back from Thailand dropped in to practice I wondered how I would pick up on his presence and his energy. I messed up on my warrior sequence which was funny as I actually wondered to myself why he was facing the wrong way (I could see him in the mirror behind me) when in actual fact it was me facing the wrong way. Weird how my natural instinct there was to not recognise the fault in me but pin it on someone else.... bad ego... Bigger pop this morning after kurmasana... almost thought it wasn't going to come yet when I started to come out of Up dog, bang, out it came. It's funny. The thing I felt was an 'ouch' moment at the start of the week I'm actually trying to create now towards the week's end.
Funny the way tables turn...
Posted by graeme at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
October 12, 2005
All is coming... sooner than I think?
Practice has been funny the last couple of days.. not so much on the ha ha side of things but more along the lines of the stuff that it's been bringing up. I've been working on my Kurmasana recently and with the help of the teacher in yesterday's class on the very next chaturanga managed to get an almighty 'pop' out of the left side of my sternum so loud She even went - "wooo, nice opening". Then today, on my own in exactly the same place - ooohhhh. It's weird how these sounds effect you... it's the sort of stuff that oughta be painful but isn't, if y'know what I mean, it just sounds so bad, but in a good, wholesome, release kinda way. Heart Chakra opening perhaps?
So there's lots going on that's coming up on the mat. Things my wee brain's off thinking about rather than bringing focus back to the mat. The one thing that's been with me the most is what my concept of 'all' might be with respect to the practice, practice thing Mr Jois is famous for. I've just been thinking that instead of projecting my thoughts into tomorrow (whenever that tomorrow might be) that it might be beneficial to spend sometime thinking about the little slice of the 'All' that's being generated right here, right now under my nose. Am I missing something by allowing myself to relax and put stuff off because one day it will all come? What is this all anyway? Hmmnnn, more to think about.
I guess everything's coming back round again what with the Xmas tree lights being hung up in the local square yesterday I'm becoming more aware of the cyclical nature of things. Maybe as each time I go around I can catch a little bit more of the spirit that's me and be happy with that knowing that the next cycle will bring me another opportunity to add (or strip away) something else. Maybes it's with the recent season change, it's been alot wetter here recently and the temperature's dropping away again. Night's are crawling in fast though it's strangely wonderful to practice overlooking the courts in front of me and see the light filtering in each morning. Practice in the evening cacoon of darkness is like a warm blanket nestling in over your shoulders, the shala like a warm bed we're all cuddled up inside.
Ah. Am just a happy wee bunny....
:>
Posted by graeme at 12:13 PM | Comments (0)
October 11, 2005
Terry
Last night my friend from America and me went out to celebrate the life of his dear friend Terry. Terry played a huge part in my friend's wife's life for most of her life and I had the priviledge of meeting with Terry on 2 occassions. The first was for Independence Day a couple of years ago when Terry hosted a poolside party at her house, which happens to be attached to the pet shop store that she ran with her friends. It was the most amazing experience as it was like walking on to the set of the Golden Girls. Everyone of the women there was hilariously funny and the back and forth of the quips and comments between them was truly amazing. There were about half a dozen Dashunds running around the place as well which only added to the spirit of the place as a wee head often popped up onto the side of your knee looking for some love and attention. The women filled you up with the best of home cooking then filled your spirits with tales and yarns of the goings on of the pet shop and days gone by.
Terry came to my hometown for a visit with my friends just back in May there. She'd always wanted to come back here and they spent a couple of weeks touring round Britain and up North to the Islands for a couple of wonderful days. I managed to catch up with them both in Glasgow and Edinburgh and had a most wonderful meal with them here in town. As it turns out Terry simply loved the place that we ate at that night so in honour of that I took my friend back there again (well the food is awesome).
The meal was fantastic, yet soon after we'd finished we got to talking about Terry. Next thing I know my friend's filling up with tears and I was too. It was quite funny in that from the outside I dare say it looked like we'd just broken up with each other, sitting there sobbing into our napkins. But we pulled ourselves together, ordered a couple of nips of whisky, and toasted the wonderfullness that the women in both our lifes bring us each and every day. It was very poignant moment for us both.
Recently I'd talked with my friends about pain and pleasure how in many ways they are much the same. I always thought that if faced with either being smacked in the mouth or kissed I knew I rather have the latter (and I know from who!), yet last night's meal showed me there's some truth in what we talked about. It was sure sad to celebrate Terry's life like that, but happiness too to know she'd shared so much of herself with people that I've grown very close to over the last decade. I was very fortunate to spend the time with her that I did, and I'm grateful for that. I talked to my friend last night about how different philosophies paint the passage of death and that some spiritual paths see death not so much as a terminal state but merely as a cross-over point into the next life, like talking off a jacket and putting another one on. Still, with all I've learnt in the past 2 years, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the loss when you're sitting across from one of your oldest friend's who's got tears in his eyes and there's not much you can do but offer your friendship and support.
Posted by graeme at 1:21 PM | Comments (2)
October 10, 2005
Life just wouldn't be the same.
Eeekkk. What a weekend that was....
My friends and me went to support a friend who was performing for the first time at a burlesque club and this of course entailed adhering to the respective dress code - funnily enough no jeans. Och well. It did mention that you were welcome to cross dress, a more mindful way of allowing men to get in touch with their inner goddess so I thought "I'll have some of that!". I say mindful because as I sit here and type every time I move position the hairs on my legs that I shaved in celebration of my own inner goddess are providing me with many many reminders of the sacrifices real life goddesses make in the name of beauty and fashion. But it was all worth it in the end as the night was full of some wonderfully insightful comments....
Here, I think you're going into the wrong toilets..... oops... no your not...
See, I told you it was a bloke..
If you give the barman a B*** J*** then we'll be able to drink here all night...
The place was jumping and loads of people had made lots of effort. Never I have I seen so much colour and glamour from different styles and ages on display in one place before. And the acts were fantastic! Special applause for our friend for doing her ambient act and getting up there to shake her booty (just remember you're sexy just by being yourself) and for the after show party back at the flat.
So, in the greater scheme of things I find myself saying without any words of doubt.... I'm glad I'm a bloke. Sisters, I take my hat off to you and salute you in all your wonderful glory. Damn if I don't understand you and your wonderful ways sometimes but I love you and cherish you for being here on the planet.
Just wouldn't be the same without you.
Posted by graeme at 1:13 PM | Comments (0)
October 7, 2005
Connecting back
It's funny how during practice certain things you might think would get pulled back because other stuff isn't going so well actually works out ok in the end. I guess expectation of what's to come when you're only half way through a practice, and yeah, I get all the mindfulness stuff about trying to remain in the moment but it usually happens in reverse when I get to some asana near the end, like utpluthi and the thought that goes invariably through my head is whether my hips are going to be loose enough from what's gone before to allow me to get into padmasana or not, the previous asanas having been a tad 'sore' for want of a better word.
Last night was very much like that. I creaked and croaked through it all, my knees have been aching a lot recently now that the weather's turning a bit colder and the heat's gone out of my practice so much that I'm wearing cargo pants to keep warm - working on the ujjayi breathing all the same. So when the end game asanas came in to view I was a bit surprised how far I managed to get my ankles into my hips in padmasana and how energised the fit felt. It was really a nice surprise.
I think what I learnt from this was whether I take this off of the mat with me in my daily life. Whether I've got so much expectation of things and how they are going to turn out that I'm actually colouring the future in shades of my thoughts before I even get there. I know a certain amount of foresight can't be helped, we have to plan certain things in our lifes or they'd just be an enourmous mess. Still, it would be nice to go with the flow more each day and just let things unfold organically, only making decisions as in when they're needed. Been playing with this a lot recently so when I found it had cropped into my thoughts on the mat it felt kinda nice that there's the connection there too.
So. Big weekend ahead but gonna try and relax and let it all unfold as it should be. Will be interesting to see what happens!
Posted by graeme at 2:23 PM | Comments (0)
October 6, 2005
Adjusting on the job
One of the not so great aspects of my J.O.B. is always trying to learn as you go along. Sometimes it just takes so long to work something out rather than being given the time to research the subject out, read the right book, find the latest faqs or tips, speak to the people in the know then tackle a problem. Often it's just a case of jumping in with both feet and saying "What does this do?"
Yoga flow class is a bit like that for me at the moment. I've been adjusting in class for 5 weeks now, helping out where I can and generally being an extra pair of eyes and hands for the teacher who's always been very supportive. The last 2 weeks I've noticed problems for 2 friends. One was rounding her back in a horse stance squat which made her look awfully uncomfortable the lower she dropped, and the other a twist in her spine when coming up into back bends which fairly imbalanced the positioning of her hands and alignment of her shoulders. In both cases I brought it to my teachers attention rather than try and suggest a fix myself, which both of them have been grateful for. So I'm glad I'm beginning to slowly make some progress within the class.
Still, last night I did an awful lot of standing about when I really knew I should be helping people out. I'm finding it a bit hard to 'try' things out on people, other than my friends, and I don't want to be seen as making them out as 'favourites' that get all the adjustments. I'll have a word with the teacher next week as I felt a bit useless at times last night. I'm just err-ing on the side of caution at the moment and taking things one step at a time. I know I did one adjustment that's meant for a different posture so I'm happy I was mindful enough to catch that half way through (thankfully it was on one of my friends).
Hopefully I'll get the chance to assist with the teacher training class as well so will have a better opportunity to interact with people more as the environment's far less formal than a class environment.
Thanks to the people who've posted their comments to my blog the last couple of days. They're truly very welcome and given me some good things to think about.
Posted by graeme at 10:49 AM | Comments (0)
October 5, 2005
Friends in need
Today the 'off the mat' stuff from yesterday is causing me to think some. There's a lot to put down in words and, well, I'm seeing and hearing cases where sometimes its probably best to say nothing than blab about things and have them picked up the wrong way. So for now I think its best if I stay stumm, nada.
Still there's times when I can't help feel for the friends I've got that are going through similar tough times as I am. Each unique in their own way with their own boulders to push up the hill and each struggling with it in their own personal way. I really would like to help but is that in itself adding to their problems by not letting them deal with their own issues in their own time? Sometimes I wonder and today's one of them. I think all you can do sometimes is offer your support, your shoulder to cry on too, and if they take that up then fine, otherwise you have to let them work it out for themselves.
Sometimes it seems a hug of support's all that's needed whilst the proverbial boot up the backside is often what I've needed myself and doesn't go out of place on the odd occassion. Och well. I'm sure things will all come out in the wash.
This detachment thing's really hard to get to grips with.
Posted by graeme at 1:27 PM | Comments (1)
October 4, 2005
Same old thing....
La la la la laa laa laaa laaaaaa
Sorry. Had to get that song out of my head....
Man what a weekend. It feels like this is the first time my feet have touched the ground since last thing on Friday. Just a bit all over the place at the moment. Lots and lots of things going on both on and off the mat.
First the mat stuff....
The weekend workshop was just fantastic. Some of the things the Universe has been trying to tell me, trying to get me to sit up and take notice of are finally getting through. How long can you go on getting prodded in the back before you finally admit, "huh, I think I should really pay attention to this..." ??? Know what I mean. Well it's all finally beginning to kick in.
2 words for you today.... Ahimsa and Impermeance. You could write a whole web blog just on those 2 things alone I'm sure. Well, here in lies the truth... I've been bashing myself up against an emotional brick wall for, gawd, probably years now I come to think of it. I'm talking full tilt here, not the odd tap and a wee ouch type affair but a full on hop step and jump ... kerrrthump. And who built the wall? Yup..... me. So I sat there in class listening to the words of wisdom on the Yamas and Niyamas and it's like.... oops, I do that, I do that too, and some of that, heaps of that, a little bit of that and heck, sh*t loads of that. My friend said the other day that honesty takes a long time. I guess it's taking me a lot longer than others but well, I'm getting there by degrees. Anyways, got to the point that I seriously had to think whether I should attend the rest of the class or not. Got some issues about being a bit mellow-dramatic about these sorts of things, bit of a drama queen, and I'm afraid to say that lately I've had a tendancy to throw things around in a hissy-fit. (oops). Took the remainder of the evening and most of the night to shut up all the chitta-vritta, all the monkey noise going on inside my brain to think clearly enough to realise that would really be defeating the point. Glad I went back. Real glad. Such a good workshop and a wonderful warm vibe that the teacher gives in the class, and I'm not the only one that's said that. It's one thing to have the content down pat, but the delivery and the timing, how you say things can make the difference between a good class and a great one. And if you lose your notes the day before and still manage to get all you want said over this way, well, hey, that says it all.
A wee nugget from the weekend: Think of forward bends as prep for headstand. Get to the point where any further over and your feet would come floating up (gracefully) to headstand (or I guess handstand too). Got to say it got me deeper into some postures than I've ever been. Felt wonderful.
I'll pick up on the off the mat stuff next entry......
Posted by graeme at 12:16 PM | Comments (0)