Ashtanga Traveler

Well, despite trying my best to follow the importing directions, I have opted for the cut and paste method of moving entries from my original blog. I am sure I will get the hang of the lingo one day and be able to aptly move around in here. For now my apologies to all those out there with far more advanced skills in blogging. I have many thanx to suburbfreak for getting me on my way here.

AUTHOR: smn DATE: 4/5/2004 01:23:34 PM ----- BODY: I had a computer-free weekend....well I tried to get the laptop out on the kitchen table at one stage....the kids were watching "Tigger", and I thought they would certainly not be interested in what I was doing...wrong. So after going through pictures and letting them touch a few buttons, I recoiled and put the laptop away. Friday am mysore was actually not bad. I had a tired week all around, and was pretty much expecting Friday to be another tired practice, but it was not too bad. At this stage the details have escaped me (as it is now Monday), but I did ask the teacher a few questions about the traditional practice, like why primary only on Fridays? Basically I wanted to know if I should only be doing the primary series on Fridays....but turns out that because Saturday is the traditional day of rest, Friday is the wind down....this does not really apply to me right now because I take Sundays and generally Mondays off...and practice Tuesday-Saturday. So maybe I should do primary only on Sat? I guess we will just see how it goes. I find that 5 days a week is just about the max I can tolerate regularly....if I do a 6 day a week practice, then the next week I often do only 4 days....at this stage my stamina is what it is. Saturday practice was a slow motion practice. But despite nearly curbing it after the standing postures, I continued and completed the primary series. I did not do double jump-backs, and as a result I think I had a lot more energy for the asanas. I took my time and it felt pretty good. The rest of the weekend was rather full of social engagements. I stayed up past 10pm on both Friday and Saturday nights...it was even past midnight on Saturday, but I paid for it by having to stay at home for a few extra hours this morning. We had a BBQ on Sat afternoon, then dinner with our neighbors, then on Sunday I was the chosen parent to take HHH to Lollipops for one of his mate's 5th birthday parties. Actually it was not as bad as I thought. I imagined a sugar-coated, money sucking, loud, in-door kiddy amusement centre, where parents are guiled into spending lots for little. But it was okay, the playground was pretty cool really, all soft padded, double story with tunnel slides and cool ladders. The food they provided for lunch was not what I would call nutritional, but it could have been a lot worse. And then there was cake and pass-the-parcel. HHH ended up with the prize centre....humungous chocolate bar...yahoo for me. And then another little play...then home. After the party, we went home and hooked up with Dad and CFC....we spent some time in the garden, then trotted off to the park just below our house with a soccer ball, a couple of soft baseballs, and a soft bat. Our friends next door came along as well with their little boy. We tried to teach them how to play soccer...so much as to talk about the two ends of the field and teams etc. But realizing very quickly this was over their heads we just played a passing game. CFC opted out....he put his little blond head on the ball bag and actually fell asleep...little darling. And HHH suffered a few knock-em-off your feet tackles (yes this was supposed to be soccer) from the other little boy. I guess they learn early. Anyway, it was good to run around abit in the autumn air. Then we had a few moments down time, and then another friend turned up with his little boy for dinner...we had not planned a thing, but it all turned out okay. I dug through the cabinets and made a rather good soup (this is generally a coin toss)....Garlic and onion sauteed in olive oil, add a tbsp of ground cumin and coriander (maybe 2), similar amount of dried sage, some salt and pepper, and paprika and tumeric (not sure of amounts anymore)....then about 4 cubed potats....cook in oil for a bit, then added about 5 cups H2O and about 1 1/ cups of yellow split peas....cook for awhile, then add about 1/2 a cauliflower chopped....cook some more...then add heaps of thyme....serve with a little grated sharp chedder....and it was okay. All the while sipping on a little red wine...now I have been mostly hitting the whites down here in NZ, as they are the best, but Aussie reds are fantastic, and it is fall. But, there is one thing for sure, I can have about one glass of wine these days, maybe one and half, and then I gotta switch to tea or water or something. My constitution has changed quite a bit, post babies, also early morning practices, all have made me switch off to alcohol. I do not miss it, really. But it is still nice to have a taste now and then. I did jump into bed by 10pm, thinking I might make Mysore this morning, but as is often the case on mondays...no go. I was up several times during the night, and decided maybe trying to get 6 practices in this week was not happening. And then instead of heading off to work after getting the kids sorted, my husband took them up and I had a few more hours of rest....late to work of course, but hey we all gotta live! We are contemplating our Easter holiday....do we head off to Northland or do we stay in town? Not sure.

-------- AUTHOR: smn DATE: 4/1/2004 12:28:42 PM ----- BODY: What a killer......the alarm this morning went off like fireworks. This is unusual, HHH generally has crawled into bed next to me by about 5am, so I am already getting ready to jettison up an-at-em. Not today. I so wanted to just curl back up under the duvet. But the ashtanga ferries were looking down at me, you know over their glasses with their chins held high, and so I I dragged myself up and soon enough was rearing to go. The practice was so long. I do not know what what was going on...it took ages. By the time I arrived it was just 6am. I am usually the first person there aside form the teacher. I got to chatting as you do about this and that, so it was about 6:10 before I entered the room. A few yawns and stretches, then go. Standing was all good, but it took ages to get to the seated postures, generally it passes in a flash. I hand it off to the dream disruption, set me up to be lolling about instead of getting to the task at hand. Seated postures felt pretty good, and since I was already in slow motion, I figured why not slow it way down and go through the asanas with a fine tooth comb. So that is what I did. The marichyasanas felt better, still a LONG way from having the hip and knee down in D, but I spent more time getting into and out of the pose in the hopes of opening the hips a bit more. My shoulder is off today, I think because of the intense physio appt I had yesterday...More on that in a minute. So in general anything having to do with my shoulders and arms was lagging a bit (which of course is most things). But handstands were still good. In fact in back bends, scorpion handstand was fantastic....3 out 3 with a hold for 3-5 breaths each. Tic tack were another story. I did not get into the second series at all today, which is fine. I would have probaly not surfaced for another hour if I had. Overall, an okay practice. Back to my shoulder and physio appt yesterday....WOW, talk about some sore spots. He released some muscles in my neck and shoulder using intense, specific pressure....I have totally forgotten what he called these spots, but I will refer to them as pain spots for now. The reults of him doing that are incredible. He also tried pulling my second right rib down, it is elevated....and that was also quite good in terms of increasing my shoulder and amr mobility and independence. The exercises he now has me on are: 1) repositioning my right shoulder from the where it is (forward and down), by lifting, and dropping back...hold for 10 secs, 10 times....2xs a day....suppose to release shoulder top and neck muscles, while activating muscles in middle,center of the back to stabilize. Best to do standing against the wall. 2) On stomach, relax right shoulder, then reposition with the least amount of effort. Raise right arm off floor by 1 cm WITHOUT using the shoulder.....not so easy. Then release arm back down, without loosing shoulder position....another tricky one. Then release shoulder, repeat 10 times, 2xs a day. 3) Standing against wall. Reposition shoulder, raise right arm to 45 deg, again WITHOUT raising or lowering shoulder. Keep shoulder blade against wall. Release, and then release shoulder. So the idea is to isolate moving the arm and moving the shoulder. Part of my problem is that these actions have fused together in terms of my "neuro-muscular" understanding. Believe me, I will do anything to get this thing right. Other news.....kiddies are great. We actually all had dinner together last night....wow, corn fritters, taboulee (sp?) and potats....and finished up "Snow Falling on Cedars" before zzzzzz. --------

AUTHOR: smn DATE: 3/31/2004 11:50:26 AM ----- BODY: This morning HHH awake just minutes before my alarm sounded....just long enough before to get a nice big cuddle in, and then he dropped back off to sleep. Of course he had to come into our bed, cuz his was soaked through, new jams on, the works....but he came and reassured me and himself, "it was just an accident, mum." Anyway, I ever so quietly snuck around grabbing my yoga gears, made a quick cuppa to warm the bod and bones, and headed off to practice....5:35am. Wednesday morning mysore is pretty crowded these days, people filled in totally a max of about 20 odd today, filtering in between 6 and 7am mostly, still about 5 left when I got up after rest at about 8:15am. I was particularly slow today, several people "passed" me in their practices, even some that started a good 20 minutes after me...oh well. But despite the slowness, easefulness of my practice, it was okay...a B-B+. My shoulder, which I have not mentioned yet, was tender throughout as usual but not hindering. I am trying to keep it in the correct spot as much as possible. I see a physio about it, and have exercises separate from yoga to strengthen muscles in my back so that it sits where it should (it is drooping forward and down when I relax, possibly from a climbing injury about 6 years ago?). Anyway, about 2 months ago I really aggravated it in a workshop intensive (from Supta K. and Eka Pada S. I think), and it has not been right since. But I have another physio appt. today, so maybe there is change. Standing bits were strong today for the most part. Some of us at the studio do a little handstand number after Prasarita Padottanasana A,B,C,D depending on if we need to develop more arm and shoulder strength, I guess....anyway, strattle up to handstand hold 5 breaths, then bring legs up and back down to straddle 5 times, one move per breath, then hold again 5 breaths, then lower down. So I have been doing this for about 6 months, with a spot...and about 2 weeks ago it just started coming all together. Today I got through the first 2 parts, came down, then back up for last hold and lower down...not too bad...not complete...but not too bad. I am still wondering if I look like a crooked coat hanger in Parivritta Parsvakonasana....cuz I feel like it. I am hoping that the photos my husband has promised will help me iron that out. The rest of standing was pretty uneventful, although my teachers who are in Mysore at the moment, popped into mind in Utkatasana. Seated postures...pretty good. My jump throughs and jump back when my left leg is in front of the right are miles better and easier than when the right leg is in front of the left (in the cross). I think when I started out the opposite was true, maybe I overcompensated. I am mindful of some suggestions from the EZ board about getting your jump throughs and back to be just that....sorry to the writer as I have forgotten the tip, but basically the hint was to be extra aware of the bandhas in the pose and then it is easier to use them in the vinyasa....it seems to work for me. Cross adjustment in Supta K. was fantastic, prior to my shoulder flare up I was able to do this on my own, and come up to balance on hands, although it was by no means a winner look for me. But since this shoulder set-back I do not even attempt it. I can handle the adjustment, then I just come up and sit there for a few breaths with hands pressing into the mat but not lifting up (mega pain if I try it), then I uncross feet and press up to firefly and jump back. I might try entering Supta Kurmasana from a sitting tomorrow to see if I can do it on my own that way without major shoulder issues. I forgot to mention work in marichyasana D...this is my pose of the week sort of gig. I completely lost my balance on the first side, and rolled right onto my back..Haha. I am trying to get my right hip down and left knee down all while bound at the wrist and somewhat erect/twisted....it is such a tricky one....I feel like I need someone to come over with a crow bar or something to get those two points onto the mat. If I go for the knee down I can hold the pose but I tip forward, if I go for the hip down...well circus time, that is when I end up completely loosing it....all smiles though, right?. I do find it rather humorous when I just completely loose the plot. This brings me to another point of lost plot...in headstand.....all fine 25 breaths holding head on the ground....then up on forearms, good for 10 breaths...then....loose noodle spine, topple over backwards, feet hit ground etc. Lucky for me I am not fearful of it, it is just abit embarrassing really. Anyway, back to intermed. poses...all going okay. I am only consistently up to ustrasana, although I have been taken in workshops. Pasasana is better each time, more twist, less slip, but I have that same crooked coat hanger feeling....need the photos. Krounchasana, cool....really enjoy that one these days, although it took a long time and much patience to get it....meaning I could physically do it....but was more of a "hurry up and get this one over" attitude. Backbends were all good. I was able to hold in scorpion handstand for at least 3 breaths, 2xs, before dropping over. And tictacs went smoothly, although I think I might need a video done to see what my form is. So over all, not bad. On other notes, we are beginning our plans for Mysore. Tentatively, we will be headed there December through February coming...two kids, husband, the works. I am very excited, nervous too. But I am sure most people as they ponder this have mixed feelings.

-------- AUTHOR: smn DATE: 3/30/2004 10:20:57 AM ----- BODY: Well, I managed to roll out of bed this morning at 5:15am, despite several conversations with myself about how I really needed the sleep. Despite eagerly looking forward to my moring mysore practice when i go to bed at night, by alarm time I am nearly convinced that sleep is definitely better for me. But alas once I get myself up, teeth brushed, hair tied back, yoga gears on, and in the car, I am quite relieved that I did not listen to the sand man perched on my shoulder before dawn. Tuesdays are not the best practice days because I have to be back at my house by 7:45am so that my husband can jet off to work. On other days he sticks around til 8:45am, so I can have more time in class. As a result of this, the past 2 Tuesdays i have been going to a morning mysore class at a different studio that is nearer to my house. The rest of the time I practice at the studio a bit further away where I am a member, where there are mysore classes 6 days a week, and where I will soon be apprenticing. But this studio is quite lovely and the teacher there is very good, so for now I think this makes the most sense. It means I can get through the entire primary series, instead of having to stop after Navasana, head into finishing etc. So what was practice like today.....well, it was different. Different surrounding, different people, differrent mat (forgot mine both sticky and cotton), different vibe.....but having said all that it was still okay. The room was rather cool, so I barely broke a sweat, which is odd for me. I nearly fell over several times during sun salutaions...how is that? I guess my balance was way off. The standing series was okay, although I wished the room would warm up a bit (it is autumn here in NZ). When I proceeded to the seated postures, I found very quickly there was no way I would be able to jump through or jump back, as the mat I was using (borrowed from them) was SOOOOO sticky! Now let's just say my jump throughs and jump backs are far from "elevated"....I do basically drag my feet through, but as long as my feet do not stick I can generally get them through my hands in both directions....not today! So I sort of gave up trying to do them properly and focused more on the asanas. Clearly I need to work on my jump throughs and jump backs.....work the bandhas more....my teacher had me doing a bit of jump through/back boot camp before leaving for Mysore a month ago, but I must admit I have not been able to keep the pace since he has been away. I keep thinking they will just come.....hmmm....well, practice and then come to me. Otherwise, the practice was pretty satisfactory. I think I embraced the practice about 75%, maybe because I was so aware of being in a new place that I was not able to concentrate as much as usual. There were about 10 other people in the room so the teacher was able to pay attention to just about everyone, this is different than my usual spot where there is often 20-30 people practicing in the am Mysore. Backbending was okay, an improvement from Saturday when they stunk.....I did drop-backs and drop-overs holding in handstand and scorpian handstand as long as I could (a few breaths, anyway), but did not do any tictacs, as my time was drawing near to having to go. I did assisted backbends and deep back bend, both hands on ankles....felt pretty good, I have not done that one in about a week. And the teacher gave me a great point...."push your heels into the mat"....wow, big difference. The backbends are a real energy surge for me, and if I do not do them I find by about 11am, I want to crawl into a dark little spot for a nap! Very short breathing and rest period as the clock was ticking. Made it home and was greated by my two lovley little elves (HHH and CFC), they were gobbling down toast with Manuka honey so I grabbed a seat and joined them. My husband sculled a coffee and then headed out the door to find that he was getting a lift from a friend to work.....great timing! And so the morning is away.....boys were dropped at creche, eager little ones ready to play with friends, and I found my way to work....hmmmm, feeling great, smiling, and ready. So this is day one of my practice week.....Wed-Sat will be at the ususal spot, with the usual folk. I am enjoying the mix though.

-------- AUTHOR: smn DATE: 3/29/2004 01:06:12 PM ----- BODY: This is day one for me. I have been writing my thoughts down in emails to my teacher who is currently in Mysore. I thought it was about time I started to be a bit more disciplined about keeping a daily practice journal. Of course I am starting this journal on a day when I switched my alarm clock OFF before the 5:25am bells rang for me to get up and go.....but perhaps time setting up this dairy is as good as anything today. My mind is focused on my practise, despite a lack of physical activity today. As for where I am....at this stage my practice is about 5 days a week average. I have two little boys (2 and 3 years old), though, with seemingly constant colds and flus...so at times the number of practices per week goes up and down. If I cannot make it to morning mysore, then I do my best to get through SN A and B, plus standing and finishing poses at home with some seated postures/backbending if I am lucky....but all this as a bit of a human jungle gym. I do my best to encourage them to follow me, and they think it is a bit of a gas really. I am reminded at these times of balance and patience in life, which I think can sometimes be lost in the routine, so it is a lovely awakening for my youngest to shriek in excitement over mummy's "tunnel" (Uthita Trikonasana A, Urdhva Danurasana), although I find myself holding these postures for much more than 5 breaths. In the past week at the mysore classes, I have been paying particular attention to Marichyasana A-D...spending more time in the poses, trying my best in the latter to to keep my spine as erect as possible while twisting, and keeping pressure of my foot on the floor, but I find I rock around abit particularly forward in D as I go to bind my wrist. But maybe I just need to keep patience in mind as I go through this sequence. The attention to these poses comes somewhat from a teachers comments a few weeks back, but also as a result of reading threads on the Ashtanga EZboard site. I find it is a comfort zone for me....knowing that other people struggle with poses (okay not so positive a thought) but the positive side to it is reading people's helpful tips as they have worked through difficult asanas. I have also been paying attention to asanas that feel odd, in other words ones that I do not connect with. For starters I am simply tring to identify them! Good start, right. Then my plan is to critically assess the posture to try and figure out why I am attached to it so much so that it is awkward. Little by little I hope to unravel the oddity so that I can experience the posture to its fullest (at least for me at this stage). I am planning to have photos taken of all the postures in the primary, and the ones I have been given in secondary from at least two veiw points so that I can check my alignment....fortunately my husband has agreed to help in this learning endeavor (fortunately he is a photographer, yeah). I think he might get a tad bored but you never know?! I am hoping that will help me identfy places that need special attention. So far i have experiences some changes in Krounchasana....little by little my attitude about this pose has changed from "hurry up an be done with it"....to "wow, I actually feel like I am flying"....so I think my approach is working for me at the moment. The problem I think I will end up facing is too much deconstruction....and a practice that takes 5 hours (it is already nearly 2 and 1/2). So this is my first post. I hope to hit this page at least 3 times a week, and you never know, maybe it will become all seven! Last little comment....I am writing from NZ but have decided to leave the clock on what I think is EST. Hopefully that will not be too confusing. --------

Had to miss Mysore class this morning because of toils and trouble on the home front. Both children were up in miserable states during the night. HHH ended up in "mommy and daddy's" bed, while I ended up next to CFC in his little twin, surrounding him like a spoon. Oh, the hollering he did....poor doll....with a very sore gut. But after dropping off, he awoke in the morning rather chipper really, with a hair-do like Einstein and a half-smile smirk on his face. HHH was also feeling better.

I dropped the little cherubs off at their creche about 8:30 am and headed to work. There was hardly any traffic so I actually arrived BEFORE 9am....shocking. So I thought let's just see how the morning goes and maybe I can get to the lunch time led beginner's class, as some is better than none. I knew it would be a highly abbreviated practice, but at least it would be one. So at about 11:45am I jumped in the car. I arrived with plenty of time to go through my shoulder exercises but not much more. The class is an hour long, we did 5 SNA, 3 SNB, standing poses (most of them) and the first two seated before settling in to finish. I rarely go to led classes these days, so actually I find it useful. There is often something new I take away and add to my practice....a different hand position, rollling in of the thighs, breath control, something. Today, it was keeping the palms together and moving down the ceter of the body during SNB on the first exhalation. For some reason I have always separated the hands and come down more like a swan dive. When I tried it the "new" way it felt pretty good. I am not entirely sure why I was doing it the other way. No adjustments though, which is fine. There were some first timers there who were rightfully getting the teachers attention.

In my experience at my studio, the beginning lunch people are the real new ones, then there are the beginning evening classes, and they are 1.5 hours long....so it is a mixed bag here. Some people are beginners and others have been going to those classes for awhile, but for one reason or another have not switched to the Mysore style. I find it hard going to led classes now, hard to pay attention, which I guess is not necessarily a bad thing. I get into my groove and find it hard to listen to the class articulation ? of every move. Anyway, hopefully it does not annoy the teachers too much if I loose the plot.

Nothing really to comment on with regards to the practice. I do feel better now sitting back at work at my desk, tapping away on my laptop. I managed against the odds to get in a bit of myself today. The studio is closed for three days coming up...URGH! Okay it is Easter, and everyone, even yoga teachers, deserve a break from time to time. I can always have a go at home.

I have been thinking more and more about this blog and why I want to keep it. Ashtanga is, afterall, an individual thing, very private in fact. So why am I keen to put it up in this type of forum, rather than have a truly private practice journal? I think the answer is a comlex one. I have a desire to communicate about my practice with others. In some sense these "others" are other people who practice ashtanga. I enjoy reading their blogs, perhaps they will enjoy reading mine. Perhaps I will get some interesting feed-back/comments. But I also have a desire to have people read this who are not necessarily ashtanga practitioners but who might want to find out more about it, or more about what I am up to (like family overseas). The message I do not want to send is that my practice is an open book for all, because it is not that. My practice is very dear to me, it is my sanity. There are many things I cannot articulate about it now anyway. So not everything about my practice is going to be here, just what I want to be out there for others to have at their finger-tips if they are at all interested. The other things I will keep for myself in a private version, and maybe some of that will come out from time to time. I guess I will just see how it goes.

... is what it felt like at Mysore practice this morning. It was cold, wet, and miserable outside, and much the same for me inside. I was so stiff. I am not sure I can remember a day similar.

My entire practice was off, my shoulder hurt, my hip hurt, my back hurt....moan and groan. I stuck myself right next to the heater in the hope of warming up...which evetually I did, but it did not seem to help the aches and pains.

Oh well, it is the nature of the beast.

After hobbling out of practice I headed home to a household of smiles. It was a lovely greeting from all. I am looking forward to the holiday weekend coming up so we can all spend more time together.

I had another physio appt...all me morning. What I really wanted to top it off with was a massage, but I am afraid my husband would kill me..."isn't yoga supposed to make you feel better?" Anyway, my physio person is happy with my progress, and I am as well in terms of the increased control and awareness of my shoulder. The muscle that he has doing the brunt of the work right now is the lower trapezius. And believe me it feels like it is. I am just not sure how to "stretch" it following these litte sessions.

The new exercise he added was lying on my back, left arm out to side, hand up towards ceiling. I then move the shoulder to the floor, hold for 5 counts and then raise forward slightly, all in the same vertical plane. It is a tricky one, very subtle. I think I have one more appointment and then will go off and just do the exercises for awhile. I still have tension in my neck. He noticed that I collapse in my upper vertebrae when lowering my head back so now instead of jutting my chin forward I am trying to raise and extend the head back.

At this session I brought Lino Miele's Astanga Yoga and Mathew Sweeney's Astanga Yoga As It Is so that he could see what I was going on about.

I am also back into reading Kundalini Tantra (Swami Satyanada Saraswati). It is a very down to earth and approachable text. I am just about to begin the practice section. Until now the book has covered very extensive descriptions of the chakras, but not how to awaken them...that is next.

And on the work front I am trying to get a revised paper off today (clearly not focussing on that right now). It talks about nuclear chemotherapy targets, DNA, nuclear metabolism, etc. I worked hard on it (like months) and am relatively pleased. Despite not writing that much about my morning practice yet, I may take another brake a little later in the day.

......

SO it is now nearing the end of the work day and I am trying to get this damn paper off, but there is some problem with the site, so killing time I thought I would jot out the last few things RE this am.

I have to say the main focus of my practice in the past week or so had been Marichy A-D although especially D, supta kurmasana and Baddha konasana. I think I know where I am supposed to be in all of them, so hey that is good. But the adjustments particularly in SK and BK are sooooo much different than when I do or try to do on my own. I feel like a warm breath of air sweeps over me, not to be too over the top here, but I think it is the relaxation I am capable of, that when going it solo has yet to be achieved. Now today I had the serious flattening in Baddha konasana, arms pushing down on thighs, and body on body to flatten back, chin to the ground. It is an amazing feeling, but one that is tormented by doubt...can I stand this?, relax, can I stand this?, relax, etc. It is not so much pain that is felt but oddity in the hips/pelvis. What I really like is when the teacher them comes in for B and helps with the head touching the feet....I am not sure I will ever be able to do that without aid. The funny thing then is C....when you have just been smushed flat, curled round....you just sit there (okay I now more is going on)....but from the outside looking in it is pretty strange.

Now my left hip was really sore throughout practice today so I was hesitant in a number of poses, that ordinarily I have no trouble with. My physio suggested that I try carrying my kids on the left hip versus the right to try and save my shoulder...so wouldn't you know I do that for two weeks, shoulder is cool, but my hip flares. Poke on the right side out on the left, poke on the left....

I get the feeling (and I have been told this by my teachers anyway) that I am too flexible and not strong enough. Big trouble.

While I am trying to maintain an awareness of this, I still like the flexi thing....I just do not want to injure myself (again).

The other thing I started today (probably a bad day to start this but.....) was to try maintaining flow from navasana up to handstand. Generally what I do is Navasana 5 breaths, bring legs through (crossed) and stand in down dog, then jump up to handstand, hold for 3-5 breaths then come down bringing legs back through to navasana. On good days I can do this 3 times then I do 2 more just regular navasana/lolasana. But let's face it, I spend a few breath before going up to handstand....far far from the John Scott thing. So this morning I thought i would give it a go by bringing legs through touching/pushing off (cuz I need momentum, not strong enough) and going straight up to handstand. This is an entirely new ball game. For starters I do not get to do the "lucky" pat down the mat, wiggle my fingers thing....secondly my breathing is a MESS....and last, as you can imagine, I was far from able to find my balance. But I figure at least I would give it a shot....

There was another post at school from my teachers, some of which described some seriously nasty bugs, thinking "Mysore, the Naked Lunch"....I wonder if my kids will find pets while we are there (trip planned for December....x-fingers).

ps will have to sp check etc tomorrow...gotta cruze

Well believe it or not I am still trying to upload this damn manuscript. That will be two days down cursing at this computer, getting nothing down, what I really want is to just be done with this thing...see ya later, baby. I am not sure if my lack of enthusiasm for my job has really come through yet, no doubt over time it will.

Practice this morning was a no go. It was just too hard to get up and face the formidable temperature on the outside of my down comforter. I am feeling pretty guilty about, too. I thought I could make it up to myself, by trying to go at lunch time again, but there are other things pressing as well. Like I have to go by sox for the entire family, otherwise we might freeze to death. So rather than kill myself over this I am trying to just let it go. I can grab a nice coffee, and head downtown for a little jaunt, maybe check out the book store where I have a CREDIT!!!! And save my practice for home this evening...well, not really practice, more like lie around, do all my "injury" exercises, and maybe stretch out those hammies a bit. I did manage to get the morning "injury" exercises in while the kids were watching Blue's Clues. All the while trying to keep the boys from tackling me....as soon as Mom hits the floor, hold on, All Black's in the making coming at you. CFC is particularly good at NOT listening to me when I ask repeatedly for him not to jump all over me. He is choosing what to hear I suppose. And it is hard for me to be consistent with that little cupid grin and giggle.

In addition to my shoulder exercises I am doing 10 reps of 10 count holds of my leg to strengthen gluteus minimus for hip stabilization. This involves lying on my side with legs bent so that the angle between hip and leg is about 130 deg, feet in same lie as body, then lift top leg up keeping the feet touching. I have been doing this for several days now on both sides....so GMin is pretty sore. Last night I decided to coat myself in this "nice" sore muscle cream before bed. The problem is that I forgot to rinse my hands following (got side tracked with phone calls) and there is cayenne pepper in this rub. So at about 4am when I was getting up with CFC, I rubbed my eyes, as you do.......

Tomorrow is a day off from work, the yoga school is closed (bummer), I guess that means I just have to hang out with the family.....I was thinking if it was a not so nice day we might try for "The Cat in the Hat"....I have to admit, I really like watching all the kid vids with my boys, well the first time, not the millionth time, but going big screen is pretty cool. HHH will sit and watch attentively, CFC will do that for a bit, then introduce himself to everyone else in the theatre, go through their bags, try and find lollies....lucky for him he can charm the pants of anyone, no kidding. He should probably consider politics.

I am really amazed at the difference in my two kids' personalities. HHH is placid and gentle, rather intellectual, loving and compassionate, very sensitive. CFC, on the other hand can be all these things, but generally with a sense of being followed by a tornado. I am still quite shocked that they are not the same. I expected they would be. While my pregnancies were very similar, the births were not...and nothing since has been, with the exception of them both being healthy, thankfully.

I have told myself that I am going to force "el husbando" to sit down with me this weekend and start some simple stretches. I have given him a yoga class as part of his bday present, but he said he wanted to loosen up a bit before checking it out. I said that he should not worry too much, just going and getting started is really all he needs to do. He has down some yoga before, not ashtanga, but has alittle experience. Plus, he used to climb a lot, so he has a concrete awareness of himself, good power/weight, and balance. He is pretty stiff though in some places, nothing that will not be released. Anyway, I am anxious to have him come and check it out. Maybe next week sometime for an evening beginner's class. I am trying to share a bit of myself.

...the computer/submission battle. After two days of tedious struggling, the solution: resubmit figures in powerpoint. Now why oh why the word documents went hay-wire I do not know. Anyhow, it is off. Now I will say this is the first time I have submitted a manuscript on my own. The previous ones have been of the hand-held variety. So I am feeling pretty good about this. Now the problem at hand will be to face up to the avoidance of the next paper. I have 4 days off, though, with the holiday to ponder this.

Now for kidz and dumplings.

No work for 4 days, and today is technically a university holiday as well, although I have made it to my desk for at least a few hours. The weekend was great, really quiet. The main objective for both my husband and I was to catch up on our sleep. I think we did well.

The yoga studio was closed on Friday, so the only mysore class for the weekend was on Saturday. I do not have too much to say about it, because it was probably an all time low. So low in fact that after Mari D, I went straight into back bends. I just could not face the rest of the primary, let alone what I have been given in second. And on top of that I did the bare bones finishing, like shoulderstand, and then rest. There were just too many things on my mind. So I am taking this in stride because I am usually able to tune out all the rumblings of outside life during my practice, Saturday I just was not able to....so why force it?

Anyhow, Sunday was a new day. The studio was again closed so I tried to set up in the hallway at home for a little bitty practice. I also managed to rope my husband into shooting off some pix for me, so that I can analyze my alignment. We managed to get through SNA,B and up to Utthita parsvakonasana A before Thing 1 and Thing 2 noticed what we were doing. (By the way we all went to see The Cat in the Hat on Good Fri-all thumbs up). But I was pleased to get at least that much done for myself. And then HHH and CFC and I just goofed around a bit on my mat. They "know" they are actually supposed to listen to me and not touch me when I am on my mat. But sometimes, their willfulness gets the better of them.

On Monday, I actually was able to practice through to Mari D, before they noticed. My husband was busy himself, so no more photos. I would not say it was an all out practice by any means. But at least it was something. I went up and held Urdhva dhanurasana 3 times, for as long as it took the boys to crawl through each time. I was even able to do shoulder and headstand, although I felt alittle nervous that they might have London Bridges in mind.

The break made this morning's practice a highlight. It was not an earth shattering one by any means, but the time away from school, and the time at home, the rest and relaxation, all fed into a really enjoyable practice for me. I do not at this point even remember anything particular. The heater was going when I arrived, although it was a warmer morning then it has been. There was a good group in the room...maybe about 20 at max number. I am generally one of the first to arrive and last to leave. My shoulder felt pretty good, my hip so-so. I was adjusted in Supta Kurmasana and Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana. I had a lovely adjustment in Krounchasana, which is an unsual one for me. The teacher used her knee to help me straighten and lengthen in my mid-upper back, while she gently urged my vertical leg closer to my torso. I am trying very hard to think about my neck in all poses that involve dropping the head back a bit, so as to not collapse back, but extend upward and back.

I had a lot of time to think about my practice over the holiday. I think that what is becoming more and more apparent to me is that it is not just a thing I do most mornings for a few hours, but a path, a lifestyle. It is something that is with me all the time now. So the challenge is how to keep this enthusiasm but not loose my balance. And I also need to be keenly aware at all times that I have many other things happening that also need lots of attention, my family at the top of the list of course. Now I am not entirely sure why this struck me so this weekend. Maybe because it was so quiet, no visitors really, early nights, fresh air, but it struck me that this is different, ie different than the life I have led up until the past year, even in the past 6 months things have progressed very quickly in terms of my commitment and acceptance. One of the best parts of the weekend for me was playing around with my kids on the mat, showing them things, helping them move their hands and feet, having my husband there with the camera as well. Even though the practice itself was not ideal from a personal perspective, it was absolutely wonderful sharing it with them.

As for other tid bits, we watched parts of The Naked States, an outsider artist doco on photographing naked people in all the states, rather self-indulgent but still interesting. My husband bravely brought order to the kidz disaster zone, a feat worth many round of applause.....you can see the floor. All the toys are now "organized" into plastic bins, so they can play with only a few things at a time. So far this system is working well. Oh yes, how could I forget, we tried VERY hard with CFC in undies....four days, no successes. So I think we might hold off for another few months and try again over another long weekend. He did not seem to be connecting at all. And the last thing I want to do is push him before it happens just about naturally. He is 2 and 5 months, so for boys, it is just about as early as they can physically control things. We did manage to bring his awareness to the whole idea though, and that is a start.

My step daughter arrived yesterday for a week. HHH and CFC are just thrilled, in fact when I got home from work, my husband was feeling a little bit sorry for himself because he was NOT having to look after anyone, all the kids were happily playing with each other in their bedroom. We split HHH and CFC's room so that V could have her own little place, with a desk and table and bed, some drawers for her clothes. She was pleased and of course the boys are pleased. I am sure by the time she is heading back she will be a little relieved to have some of her own time again with less full-on attention from her adoring brothers. Anyway, it is terrific having her with us. She is very grown up these days, nearly 11. I won't go so far as to say 11 going on 16, thank god. She likes being a kid and is in no rush to grow-up. It is refreshing. But at the same time it is a difficult age in terms of knowing what they like to do, cuz they are more grown up...think back to when you were 11......

Well, when I was 11 I was living in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts with my mom, my bro, and my mom's beau. I caught a bus every day to the local K-6, but had to dodge spit balls from kids on busses that passed by before mine arrived, lovely. The big recess games were four-square and kick-ball. I actually happened to be a pretty ace kick-ball pitcher and as a result was often a first pick if I was not a captain. I was also a lefty kicker, and not too bad. So for a girl this was way cool.

I was on the YMCA girls gymnastic team in Greenfield, Massachusetts (about 20 minutes away), and this involved practices and/or meets 3-4 days of the week. I do not know how my mother coped with all of my travel issues. Luckily there was another girl who went down so we car-pooled as much as possible. My poor brother as well. He was dragged around all the time (he is nearly 6 years younger than me). I also started ballet, another 2-3 classes a week. This later turned into almost seven days a week. I stopped the gymnastics and pursued dance at a local ballet company where we had class and/or rehearsal nearly everyday, Saturdays and Sundays all day.

On friday nights we would get pizza AND have dessert (generally home-made frozen yougurt pops or something). While I really hated it at the time, my mother was very much into eating natural foods, low/no refined sugars, no fast food, etc. ...in general what I would call "crunchy". Now, I feel lucky to have had this up-bringing, despite still eye-balling Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops in the cereal section of the supermarket. Anyway, following dinner, we then watched TV programs like the Dukes of Hazard and Night Rider. Needless to say this was the early 80's for me.

And the other big thing was getting my ears pierced for my 10th birthday, that was a BIG deal. Those who know me now, would spin this as the first step in body adornement.

Not into boys at all.

As for practice this morning. Well, I am going to call what I did today my "ladies" practice. Generally day 1 of menstruation I feel like dirt and take a rest day, and sometimes the day before as well. But I actually felt reallly good, which might be because of all the rest catch up from the weekend. So I decided to give it a go, especially since I had set my alarm for 5:20am and was awake. So I went through the primary series, with no handstands. Came to back bends and just did 3 prep back bends (I do not know what you call it - but it is when you lie on your back with feet flat on the floor knees up, then raise your pelvis up off the floor while rolling sholuders on the ground, hands holding ankles). I did not do Urdhva Dhanurasana, or any of the more advanced back bends. Then skipped shoulder and headstand through to yogamudra. The only adjustment was in Supta K. Now, after coming up in Supta K, I am not raising up onto my hands before Tittibhasana and jumping back because of this shoulder thing, so instead what I had a play with was a balance like in Dwi Pada Sirsasana (although I did not actually take my finger tips off the mat), then raising up into Tittibhasana. Something about the legs crossed causes serious acute pain in my shoulder, so for now I am still avoiding. Hopefully all this physiotherapy I am getting will help with this in the long run. I also did not do half vinyasas between each side in the seated postures, just regular jump backs and jump throughs. The best part was the nice long rest, about 15 minutes which is generally only about 5 because I need to jet off and start the day.

The rest of the day is work for a bit, then another physio appt, then off to pickup V, who will no doubt be bored stiff spending the day with her Dad at work (luckily she is a book worm). She will be spending the day with her grandparents on Waiheke Island tomorrow so she will not have to do a repeat. I think we might do alittle shopping maybe and grab a coffee/hot chocolate, a little girly time.

....that I might continue to feel good through this time of the month. So I swtiched the alarm off this morning for a rest day. I might go home from work a bit early and do the finshing poses before the kids come home, we will see.

Otherwise, yesterday turned out to be really fun. V and I went to THE MALL. Now this is a big deal for NZ because I think it is the only one. The thrill was rather short lived for me, too many people, too much consumption, but I think V had a nice time. I got to ask her questions about what life was like for her, what the fashions are, etc. We both picked out lipgloss, ladybug keyrings....she got grape and I got cherry. And we grabbed a few other essentials like the socks I have been after. She helped me get some undies for her dad, which was fun, although she said she would just die if anyone she knew saw her shopping for men's underwear. We then picked up the boys at their creche. Now this was hard because as soon as HHH saw me he fell into my arms and said "you took too long at work mummy"....I felt awful. I actually was picking them up earlier than usual, but of course he would not know that. He was a bit off the rest of the evening and fell asleep before dinner, poor thing. But this morning he was very chipper again, and had a big bowl of Wheatbix, and then proceeded to try and snag CFC's bowl as well.

So all is good. Tomorrow is my day off...I think I might take the kidz up the SkyTower....

I had another session yesterday, which I think turned out to be an eye-opener in more ways than one. Turns out I am trying too hard, and the result is PAIN. What I am supposed to be doing are very very very sublte exercises to help me get control of my shoulder, stabilize the scapula, and also re-learn how to use muscles in the shoulder, back, arm, neck independently. The problem is that my extreme concentration on these exercises has led to extreme over-use of the muscles and many many knots....so much so that the upper trap fibres are sensitive to the slightest touch. Now, my physio must like to induce pain, because YAOH....when he went for the trigger points there I nearly went through the rough and I thought I saw a little smirk. Today, I feel great, so the release obviously works.

He gave me another exercise to add, so now I have 5 to do with reps, etc and at least 2 times a day. This new one I lie face down, with arm bent at 45 degrees in front of me, then I position shoulder, and slightly elevate the forearm and lower, and then the elbow and lower without loosing the shoulder position or using the shoulder to do these movements. Now I have to admit I have been getting to them once a day, maybe twice, but he said if I was doing them like 4-5 times a day I would surely see faster progress...unfortunately, that is not possible...and of course we joked about that....cuz once you have kids, time is so precious.

Anyway, he also noticed another oddity about me and that is that when I breath, just normal breathing with expansion in the chest, lying down, no stress or exertion, the right side lifts up more than the left. And of course all my shoulder issues are the right side as well. So the point was if I take 18,000 breaths everyday and I am slightly elevating my right side over my left side, then I may be overusing muscles in the neck quite a bit.

Anyway, he tried to get me to not lift up the right side when I went to breath, my attempt was ....stop breathing, not good. So that is another thing to work on.

But in terms of where this work is headed, I do not have those terrible upper neck/head aches that I used to get. I have a much greater awareness of the muscles in the back, shoulder area, and hopefully one day all this will mean I can do the leg behind the head poses.....my physio thinks I am crazy to be wanting to do this by the way. But as I look ahead to series in the far far future, I will be doomed if I do not get this sorted out!

I think I might be an ashtanga addict.

Plus I also think it would be really cool if there was a site for functional anatomy during exercise, yoga in particular, whatever so that as the person moves the site and degree of muscle involvement is visualized in real time. Just a thought.

Friday April 16th, 2004

Practice this morning was really nice. It was calm and smooth. There were no great ups or downs. I did another “ladies” practice with no inversions, although I did do 3 urdhva danurasanas before going into lotus for yogamudra, no other finishing poses. But I felt I needed just a few proper backbends. Before practice I managed to fit in all of my shoulder exercises as well.

I was adjusted in Supta K as usual, also in Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana. My teachers are back next week…yeah! And that means my apprenticeship will begin shortly. There is also a workshop with Dena and Jack to look forward to in about 3 weeks for a six-day intensive. I am hoping that my shoulder will be able to tolerate the workshop. I am a bit worried, but plan to diligently do my exercises.

Saturday, April 17th, 2004 and Sunday, April 18th, 2004

I look forward to Saturday practices. First of all, they start later, thank god. I get up with the kids at about 7am and let C sleep in a bit. I do generally have a cup of coffee before practicing but it is about 2 hours before hand, so……

This Saturday was a pretty good practice. The thing is my practice seems a little stagnant at the moment and has for the past few weeks. I think my shoulder issues are beginning to get dull. I did not feel particularly strong. Usually I feel spent after practice but not so much so that my muscles are tired during practice. But it was the fifth practice of the week, so I guess I should not be so surprised.

The worst part of the practice was definitely back bends, now this is usually not the case. So when back bends are off, I generally accept that something is just not right and try not to worry about it. My lower back has been a bit sore of late on the left side, so I know that that has been contributing…..I do so complain about my various sore spots! But I got through all the tic tacs and scorpion handstand. The assisted drop backs were okay, but I did not go to grab my ankles in the deep back bend.

The rest of the day was very relaxing. We all hung around the house and garden for the afternoon. We did have a quick jaunt over to the playground for about an hour. The boys, V, and F, the next door neighbour had a ball, the squeals of glee. After dinner we all grabbed pillows and comforters and set up for a big cuddle up in the living room for the movie, Spy Kids.

Sunday was a rest day. I got up with the kids, who were little darlings all morning. We made spiders out of pipecleaners and drew pictures…hand ducks. HHH is getting really good at his colouring. But he is so hard on himself when it is not just right. At lunch time we jumped in the car and headed off for an adventure. We took the road west to Titarangi Beach. It was a small little bay, rather windy, but the bush was just gorgeous. There were heaps of Nikau palms and even some Kauri trees (young ones). We followed a little track up to a small Kauri grove and then through the various Ponga trees and ferns to the end of the beach. We did not stay very long, just long enough to breath the fresh air, hear the Tuis sing, and look up at a pair of wood pigeons flying through the bush, making a huge racket.

I seem to have a really hard time getting to Monday Mysore class at 6 am. I think it is because my weekends are on the whole very tiring, perhaps more than the week. I have the kids for 3 days (as I have fridays with them), which is fantastic, but is does take a lot of energy. Full-time moms have my hats off for sure.

So needless to say, today is another rest day. I am happy with that, though....I may still get in a few sun salutations yet as it is only mid day, you never know.

But as for work, Mondays are the pits. I get incredibly anxiety ridden on Sunday afternoons with the thought of having to go to work. I know that one day all this will change and that is indeed what I am working on.....starting my teaching apprenticeship is a strong step in that direction. But it is very difficult for me to stay focused on the work I am doing, which I do not like one bit, even though the future may hold something else. I think I need a pep talk, a stop feeling sorry for myself talk....things are not so bad sort of talk. At the same time, I know from my past experiences that if things make you miserable even if they look like jelly beans from another's view, then change is the only way to go.

I do know myself, though, and the kind of work I am having to do right now (writing), really brings out the worst in me.....worst, being...the "I hate my job" attitude. Sometimes, I wish there was a mechanical device that actually could give you an attitude adjustment.

Of course it would probably cost heaps.......

I managed to get through 5 A and 3B's, half of the standing poses, shoulder stand and headstand yesterday afternoon before my husband came home from work wanting to catch up and have some of my attention. Plus he was a little nervous because he was throwing a pre-bday party for his daughter and is just a bit hopeless at organizing such things. At least I moved around a bit.

The party was a huge success. We had the neighbors over along with V's step grandmother from her step-father's side. The dinner was Nori rolls, roll your own style (with all sorts of goodies), miso soup with mushrooms, tofu, and scallions, and pakora's, followed by a tray of wrapped japaneese desserts and orange cake. It was a big hit with all but the little guys of which there were my two plus, F from next door...they opted for pasta and left-over roasted potatoe and kumara....and of course the cake.

When the big boys dragged the scotch out, I headed for bed, leaving CFC playing in the hallway with a new toy sent to him by his great aunt and uncle...which he has not stopped playing with, had to sleep next to, will not let anyone even look at it.....

This morning's mysore practice was really weird for me. There were so many factors keeping from practicing it was ridiculous. I was the first person to arrive at the studio, not unusual, so you would think I would get going as soon as I arrived. I started with my shoulder routine, and that ended up taking nearly 20 minutes. Then I forgot to take my pounamu off...so it took me a few minutes to untie. I must have been spacing out or something, it usually does not take that long at all. So, when I realised I was so far behind I quicken the pace.

I decided to only do 1/2 vinyasas after completing the seated poses on both sides for time basically, flag the endurance thing. I did not draw out any pose to great length for which I have been of late to feel it out (like Mari C and D, Navasana/handstand, etc). I was adjusted into a nice Supta K and came up and balanced...on bottom not hands for like 15 secs, then did my usual lift into firefly. Once I reached back bends I realized I could spend a little more time here, so I did about 7 or 8 drop backs....on about 1/2 of them I managed to keep my feet still on both the drop back and coming up. For some reason I have started to move my feet around again....so I was trying to work on rooting my feet by doing so many. I did 3 tic tacs....and they were slow, but okay. I have read a few helpful threads on the EZ board about trying to make the transitions and landing a bit more graceful. I held scorpion handstand for the full five breaths, that was a shocker. I can usually hang out for like two breaths, max. The teacher had to leave at that point so I did not do assisted drop backs etc.

I am still feeling this sort of dull stagnant thing about my practice. I am hoping that will change with the return of my teachers next week. I am sure it will. It is not that I am bored, on the contrary, I seem to have regressed, and that is what is frustrating. I know that I just need to chill, maybe not take things so seriously and then maybe that feeling of moving without mega effort will return. The anticipation of the apprenticeship starting is also looming in my mind. The other thing I have been noticing a bit during my practice is that my concentration has been shifting to asanas well ahead of where I might be, so I am trying to refocus all the time.

V flies home today. So after practice we all went to drop HHH and CFC off at their creche. HHH is too young to understand his feelings about V leaving, so instead of giving her a big cuddle, he behaved as if he was mad at her. I had to leave the creche with him sobbing, it was awful. He is such a sensitive little soul. I feel like he is a very old, wise man living in a little boy's body sometimes. I really feel for him. CFC was fine, and today instead of me asking HHH to look after CFC, I asked CFC to look after HHH. I may try to pick them up early today.

Work is the same....so if anyone out there wants to sell me and attitude adjuster, I am sure bet.

I love wednesday am Mysore classes. Now I still have to get up at 5:15am, but the the class energy is so amazing. B has been teaching in place of my usual teacher (still in India), and she is such a wonderful person to have in there. She tends to make comments on or adjustments to poses that I do not generally get any feedback about, so it is refreshing, envigorating, and thought provoking. This morning's practice was terrific. I am still not feeling as strong as I have been in the past, but my practice felt really good.

I did my shoulder exercises before going to the studio, so that helped me time wise. My body warmed up quickly, with a little help from the heater which I park myself directly in front of now. Standing poses all felt good. I was able to hold the handstand variation after prasarita padottanasana A-D for about 12 breaths [five with legs apart, five breaths opening and closing legs, then about 2 breaths before coming down (should be 5)]. I was happy with that. The down side was that my handstands after navasana basically stunk. One of the five attempts I was able to draw my feet through my hands lightly push down on the floor and up to handstand, hold for a few breaths and then come back down through hands....the continuity is what I have been working on. The other times I just stopped and then went up to handstand,sometimes just fell over, sometimes came back down with a bit more grace. I did hold one of the handstands for 11 breaths before coming down, just for fun. In Supta Kurmasana, I was adjusted nicely into the pose, then raised up and balanced for about 3 breaths (on bottom not hands), then pushed up into firefly and jump back. I have been paying attention to my leg extension in setu bandhasana lately. I can straighten my legs okay, but I am not sure if they are "together" enough. I think I need to get a photo taken so I can get a picture of it in my head.

I proceeded though the second series up to ustrasana. I am hoping when my teachers return I will be given the next pose....wishful thinking maybe. But I noticed something curious today. A person in class went all the way to at least Bakasana B (maybe further), and up until today the farthest I have seen them go is to ustrasana and the main teachers have been away for two months, so it is not like they has been given new poses. Of course it is quite possible that they were given these poses in the past and just stopped doing them in the past 5 months, or maybe they are just doing their own thing. I was given poses through to Eka Pada Sirsasana in a visiting teacher workshop but was taken back to ustrasana by my teachers. Anyway, I guess it is no big deal. I am just a little curious. The thing I did notice is that this person's practice (which is elegant, strong, flowing, lovely to watch, etc) sort of fell apart after Laghu Vajrasana. I really should just stay focused on my own practice. But every now and then the eye does wander.

Backbends were really on today. I did about 5 drop backs, then a smooth tic tac series with no stops for the 3. Then held two scorpion handstands one for 3 breaths and the other for 5, yahoo! I was expecting that to be not so great given my shakey navasana handstands.

Finished up with an extra long headstand. I am usually totally spent at this point so do not try to do much in headstand. But today I did the 25 breaths, raised up onto forearms and held for about 11 breaths (okay should be 25....there is always tomorrow), then held with legs horizontal for 5, then up and down to the floor with legs five times, then down. My back and shoulders felt strong throughout.

I had a nice little chat after class with another over a cup of water. I usually have to jet straight away. And then back home to start the day.

It was a wonderful practice.....I know I have said that already, but sometimes it is worth repeating!

Saturday the 24th, 2004

I went to evening class on Thursday night. It was really different than my usual morning mysore. In one sense my body felt more open, exposed and capable of facing a number of postures. On the other hand, I felt weak and jittery at times. It was the mysore class I used to go to before we moved over to the city of the island. I found myself distracted each time someone came into the room. I wanted to see if I recognized them. The biggest surprise was that one couple is expecting a baby?the mum to be looked about 8 months pregnant?.and still doing ashtanga, although with modifications obviously. She looked beautiful. Just a big tummy popping out like a basketball in the front.

My practice was FAST, really fast. I finished my practice in under 2 hours, the whole thing all the way up to ustrasana. I was even able to go up and balance on my hands after supta kurmasana?.I have not been able to do that since my shoulder injury?it was crazy. And my shoulder felt good and strong. I had a lovely adjustment such that my right leg was well behind my shoulder and not pressing on the ?weak? spot.

I then went to morning mysore on Friday?.I would have taken a rest day since my practice on Thursday ended at 7pm?..two mysore practices within 12 hours is pretty full on. By the time I reached the seated postures I could feel the tiredness in my muscles creeping in. But I continued at a reasonable pace. The practice was good.

Monday, April 26th, 2004

So I have had three days off?and boy can I feel it. My back is so stiff this morning?.the alarm clock finally kicked the bucket on me, probably as a result of abuse over the past year. But this morning it flat out did not beep. So no yoga for me. My lunch hour is now going to be find the replacement. My family and I went up north this weekend?.our last weekend away before my apprenticeship gets started with lots of weekend commitments. We went up about an hour north of Keri Keri and stayed with a friend. He has a son just a year older than HHH, and a lovely house nestled in the bush, only a few k?s from a gorgeous Northland beach. It was quite a weekend because this artist was doing a bronze pour on both Saturday and Sunday. So most of his time was occupied. I just could not get over the whole thing, how do you learn that sort of stuff? He has built a number of foundries in various places that he has lived. I guess it is him, what makes him who he is. But still, from my eyes it was impressive. My boys were delighted. It was like "boy heaven" for them. Tools and vehicles, sandpit, the bush. They spent their days getting dirtier and dirtier. I spent my days making sure they did not get into anything they should not, but enjoyed myself just the same. It was pretty relaxing.

We headed back to the city on Sunday, and then just lazed about, in fact I took a two hour nap. And then got up, basically to give the boys a bath and then put them to bed, before heading there myself. The weekends really knock me out.

I have named the new alarm clock Foggy, because it went off this morning like a fog horn and clearly could have woken up the entire neighborhood. Needless to say my husband was not impressed. Tomorrow we will try it with a muffler system of sorts.

Practice this morning was short because I had to get back home in order to swap over with C so he could give his lecture by 8:30am. I have to say I was not too dissappointed at having to make it a short one because I felt incredibly tight after 3 days off. So I went through to Bhujipadasana, no handstands at all, no 1/2 vinyasa between sides, only three Urdva Dhanurasanas, and short finishing. But I look at this as day 1 of my practice week and am not too fussed over it. Tomorrow will be a full practice, and hopefully the heat of this morning will help me tomorrow. No out of the ordinary thoughts to report, just a calm practice, a building practice.

What a fantastic practice! The room was packed, the windows steamed, sweat dripping off everyone. I was slipping all over the place. But it was great. It was wonderful to have our main teachers back, one running the class and the other practicing alongside us.

My personal practice was not top notch but that is okay. I felt a little tired and worn out. My balance was not great. I was ever so aware of my teacher being back and a little nervous as a result. My handstands stunk, but oh well, just another day. The energy in the room was so fulfilling, that it did not matter that my practice was not at its best.

Basic reports back from India were they had a wonderful time, wonderful yoga, crazy observations of illiteracy and extreme poverty. I think they have been there around 10 times to study in Mysore....very dedicated, very thoughtful. But I think they are glad to be home as well, with restore vigor, jet lag, and lots of eager students.

I decided that my mats stink, so I have opted for a more full on washing routine. I sweat so much today, it is no wonder. Someone in class actually moved away from me, and I cannot help but think it was because of the stink. I should have just asked them later, and asked for some suggestions, cuz I know it is an issue. And in Auckand with the amount of moisture in the air, especially in winter, it is a real problem....mats just do not get a chance to dry out.....I am hoping the sun will stay out long enough today to give a good dose of UV and of course the much needed airing.

I received my calander for the teaching apprenticeship which will begin on Saturday, May the 1st!!! I am a little nervous, really. The course goes over three years in 4 stages and includes a trip to India. It is comprehensive, covering in depth investigations into the first four limbs of Ashtanga Yoga. There are many readings, papers, workshops on teaching, lesson in proper pronunciation, anatomy and physiology, CPR. It is going to be great, challenging for sure. The first stage is sort of the "can this work for you" time, where I keep a diary, help with cleaning, practice regularly, attend meetings, etc. In the next stage, I will progress to beginning to learn how to teach by assisting in classes.

We also have Dena and Jack coming the second week in May and the beginning of the professional development course (part of the apprenticeship, but also open to others).

Things are happening!!!!

I had my last session of physio today, with lots to report. My shouler issue is coming along, although I still have a tendency to activate the upper trap fibers when moving my arm and shoulder when I should not be, thus tension. But I am getting there. He added another exercise, an extension of one I have already where I lie on my back arm to the side hand and forearm towards ceiling (use a rolled up towel for support underneath elbow). Then move my shoulder blade flat to the ground, with the LEAST effort possible, and not engaging the upper traps or the muscles underneath the arm pit (will look up). Then, with the littlest effort, pivot my forearm forward and back about 35 degrees, again without engaging these muscles, so that I am moving my arm seperate from my shoulder completely.

In terms of breathing, apparently I am breathing more "Fight or Flight" than I should be.....breathing into the chest instead of extending the ribs out to the side and using the diaphragm properly. Of course he asked me what the muscle was that should be supporting my breathing....and I said, uh dunno.....such a dumbie....oh when will this anatomy stick. Anyhow, I am supposed to try and breath more into this mid region versus up into the neck, should relieve some of the neck tension that I am constantly fighting.

We talked at length about a potential project together....which is really cool, but I will have to save that one for another day.

Utthita Trikonasana

Parivrtta Trikonasana
I thought I would start to include some of the photos that my husband has been taking in my entries in order to discuss some of my alignment issues. The standing poses I find particularly difficult, in terms of my hips being in the right place for each asana. I was somewhat surprised that my hips were not as out of wack as I thought they were, although they are clearly not perfect particularly in parivrtta trikonasana (revolving triangle). The photos of the front on views were not so great (I was partly cut off) so I will have to post those another day. But I wanted the side views because I thought it would show more of the truth.

This morning I did not get to class, my husband has a dreadful cold, was coughing all night. I made him suck down grape flavored Dimetapp, to help supress the cough. I got it for the boys last week, cuz the natural cough syrup was not doing the trick. I could not bring myself to up and leave him at 5 am, so I tucked him in and stayed on hand to get the boys off to school.

HHH and CFC are on their way to the StarDome on a creche field trip. I took them last year. I wish I could have gone with them today. HHH said to me "I want you to come, mummy, cuz I love you so much" ....so it was particularly hard saying goodbye to them. But they will have fun.

Work is much the same. I am getting another manuscript ready. Hopefully it will go off next week sometime, may be wishful thinking.