Ashtanga Traveler

Or was it a Bikram yoga class?

Focus on……not the breath….no no…how freakin’ hot you are…..

Felt like walking into a strange space craft…stifling. No natural light, carpet on the floor (yuck), and cripes the MIRRORS.

Not sure why they use a sticky mat, cuz they tell you to stand on your towel, on top of the sticky mat, or completely straddle the mat so feet are on the carpet.

Commonly used phrases during class….. “lock into your knees�….�push back into your knees�…..�top off the pose�

Only hard (in beginner's class) because it is so HOT. Okay the balancing poses were tricky. There is almost no arm work at all aside from holding them out to the side or hugging your knees. No inversions……some back bends, one twist. All forward bends had a rounded back (curl). The sequence makes no sense to me.

The space was more or less trying to be trendy, had a spa feeling, more than anything else. Sexy yoga clothing up front and a desk. They sell water.

I went to the 4pm class, and there was about 15 students….mostly chics.

There is no doubt you sweat heaps, but I did not walk out of there feeling like I did much myself, more the temperature.

I found the teacher (woman, but she did not tell me her name) okay. She paid attention to me as a first timer. And I did strike up a conversation with a woman as I was leaving about the class, and whether I liked it etc etc, how you get used to the heat. But there was almost no conversation in the ladies changing area, which was too small. Maybe we all just stunk too much.

Basically I do not get it. I find it hard to believe that people would choose Bikram over Ashtanga…..definitely more of a gym crowd and attitude. Felt like slothing around in a sauna.

Other news.....(I guess I am giving myself away here, photo only, excellent article by another person at my school)....check out:
"some like it hot"

I realise this is an obvious point, but when I practice yoga I do not really pay that much attention to anyone else in the room, more or less. I know my practice, my yoga, my body, my limits, my openings, my strengths etc etc....

However, when you are adjusting there is no limit to what people are doing really. Every asana is different for each person. As is the vinyasa, the breath, the practice as a whole. It is so facinating. I find myself getting so engrossed in watching people, that I of course loose track of the fact I am supposed to be helping individuals.

I am feeling more confident now, less inhibited. I feel invited to participate by most people in the room. Helpful suggestions and nods of encouragement. It is tricky, because everyone is different, so what works for one person may not for another...throw a few injuries in their and it is really hard to keep track.

The feeling or vibe at my school is really supportive and nurturing. So even if I make a mistake, my teachers help me to use it as a learning tool.....so that maybe next time I pay more attention to this or that detail.

This morning's assisting class was the 6am Mysore. There was about 9 students or so. The energy was really positive and light I thought.

I practiced for an hour following class, very short but enough for today. I do have to go to REAL work. I felt somewhat apprenhensive about assisting this morning. I think more or less because I was sick last week and missed both my assist classes as a result. Maybe I just felt shy. But the apprenhension disappeared very quickly.

I also practiced late in the afternoon last night instead of the am class. I suppose maybe my body was a bit more tired than usual. Nothing to report on my own practice at the moment...just cruising along. Trying to create more space in my hips, build more strenght and endurance.

As for the Bikram class. Well let's just say I feel lucky that I have my Ashtanga practice. I realise that Bikram for some people is THE YOGA for them. And that should be okay. So I hope I did not terribly insult anyone with my comments yesterday.

I have found a new place, or maybe I should say the beginning of a new place, within my practice. I am resisting it, sure. But this experience with my left leg/hip/butt pain has gone from obsession to maybe acceptance...?

I re-read my asana diary the other day and realised in almost every entry I moaned about this pain....how boring? Where is all the good stuff?

Since then I have really tried to acknowledge and then accept this time....pulling back from forward bends in the obvious way, but moving deeper in a less obvious way. And in all honesty it is really wonderful. It feels like I am moving more thoughtfully on the physical plane, yes, but that it is not necessarily consequential on other plans in a negative or neglectful way...anymore. So I am feeling pretty good about it. And while I definitley want whatever the problem is to heal, I am less worried about it. SO this is a relief, really.

I assisted this morning in the 6am Mysore. I was so off it was not even funny..... I felt off inside.... "discussion" with my partner last night, wretched pms, sick kids for the past several days, and a tender sinus.... and it completely invaded my ability to find people in their practice. I wonder if this is common for other people when they are new to adjusting. Like I just really could not help people with their balance, in fact I was throwing them off...eek! Thankfully all the people I have encountered at my school are really supportive......I hope I do not disturb them too much....I got some really good feedback though. I am really glad they are not shy. I also find it easier for me to ask them if it is okay, if they feel open to telling me what is or is not working for them.

I followed the assisting class with my own practice (about 2 hours). SO by 10am....I had already been in yoga world for 4 hours! I did not find the transition too difficult. I simply hit my mat and went for it. The nice thing was the room was so warm and full of energy. I was reasonably slow going and in the end had to cut out headstand and the normal finishing...in order to get to work. But I felt good all the way through. And oddly enough, my balance, which I thought would be atrocious, given my experiences assisting, was spot on....I cannot explain that one. I hit all the handstands and held.....I even held one of the navasana handstands long enough to shake out a massive cramp in my foot, without loosing my balance....must have looked funny.

Kurmasana and supta kurmasana went okay. Since I am going to Mysore in a less than a few months my teachers have been helping me prepare....one of the suggestions is to get myself into s. kurmasana....which I can do, but it ain't pretty and takes me a few moments wiggling this way and that way. But I am surprised at how much doing just that helps me maintain the pose and allows me to find all the little muscles required. The reason behind having me do it unassisted is because in the led classes in Mysore, it is unlikely that I would be assisted very often, just too many people.....The other things my teachers have suggested is to work on my headstand (length of time holding) and ditto with utthita pluh.....which apparently may go on indefinietly!!!! Yikes.

I am getting really curious about Mysore and the Shala. There is a part of (which I admit I am tryig to supress radically) that thinks that something within my practice will change when I am there. I am looking forward to the warmth, as I know my body is very sensitive to cold.....so if nothing else there will be that!

But I am also hoping that the trip to Goa first for Sharath's workshop will help me adjust.....get the nerves out of the way. I anticipate feeling quite anxious about practicing in Mysore. I get worked up enough when I am practicing with my main teacher here!

On another note, apparently some Bikram people were handing out flyers right in front of our studio a few days ago....can you beleive that? What happened to the yoga community? This is not a cut throat business world....or is it? It is a sad day when things like that get into this world. I moved to a link from Okrg's blog that was an article about Yoga Works - the new brand.....curious eh?

My kids have this book that we read together with the title I was so mad. This little creature keeps getting told off by the other family members for doing things that it is not supposed to be doing....each time it comes back with "I was so mad. I was just so mad."

This is how I felt this morning in practice...not mad at anyone....but mad at Flying Bakasana....I was just so mad....I actually started to pound my fists into my mat!!! How unyogic is that?! And after my little outlash, tantrum I should call it, I sat back with my face in my hands giggling. The cool down was good, and after this little rest and release I landed it, after the umpteenth time of course.

Little piddley arms.....like freakin twigs! Probably all this "energy" came from a wicked kapotasana....it was amazing. I have not done the second series poses in over a week....so it was a lovely jolt to the system. I am at the stage though where I think "am I ever going to be able to just jump and float onto this wretched pose on first go?"! I love Bakasana itself.....it is such a strong pose.....but it is so humbling to go from a feeling of stregth to one of total weakness in the very same pose, different entry.

I am laughing.....

Well, my job this week is to "get" the start of the led class and first slautes sorted out....appropriately timing, voice projection, breathing, nerves etc...YIKES. I have had a few practcie sessions and they have been okay. But I am sure come Thursday night I will be a little blobby mess.

My practice on Saturday was fantastic...a long time coming. I have felt rather sluggish for awhile now...life has been busy, kids and parents tired and sick....so my yoga has been getting me by, but not much else. I felt invigorated on Saturday, happy and light...although you would not know that from my ass-sliding jump throughs. I have a new method for landing flying Bakasana....basically four attempts...then a long break where I breath and relax...then go again...and land....so it is coming.

I have been reading a wonderful book...The Spirit of Yoga...by Cat de Ram and Michelle Gill which I am finding to be very inspirational, especially with regards to attitude, sublte attentions and movement. It is filled with quotations and poems, photographs as well as simple discussions of the 8 limbs. I would suggest it to anyone...yogi/ini or otherwise. It is very accessible. I have ordered my own copy and expect it in a few weeks.

Work is much the same.....

C and I went away together this past weekend...did a lot of sleeping...like heaps. It is funny because, I go and go and go all the time week in week out...then have a few days off...and kid free to boot (only second time since they were born)....and what do I do sleep! Must have needed it. We stayed at a friends place on Waiheke Island (where our house is that we now rent in order to live in the city)...so the turf was familiar. the boys stayed at C's folks place....making the transitions easy. All in all a good weekend....food, sleep, spa, views....

now back into the week.....

Focus on the breath....I am refinding this focus. It is always there, but I am trying to stay focused. The problem is that I am doing that with my own breath when I am adjusting peope instead of listening to their breath....which generally is altogther different. Listening to other peoples breath is eye-opening....some people have short quick ones, others have really long ones. I think I am in the middle with my own breath during practice, but longer when adjusting. This is not really suitable....as at least one person this morning really wanted "out" of a pose (Prasarita Padottanasana C) and I was sort of ho humming along...oops. Sorry shoulders!

Each pose that I am learning to adjust takes on a completely different life with each person and relative to myself. he other thing that is obvious is that some people "take" adjustments and others do not, or I should say not easily. I am not sure why this is, as there is no pattern that I can see. When I say "take" an adjustment, I mean the person is able to find the room within themselves to move deeper, and thus the tension or resistance lessens. The breath is of course key ion doing this (from my own experience as are the Bandhas). But, then a limit is reached...sometimes this limit feels like it happens straight away. So I wonder if that is their current limit or if perhaps they are not releasing, maybe subconsciously or even consciously.

I had an interesting conversation with one of the teachers who was helping me today with the Prasarita P. C adjustment.....my issues as the person adjusting are that when rotating the palms away from the back (more intense position) I feel like the wrists are a weak spot, and thus I am hesitant. Using the arms and rotating them up and out is easier for me to deal with, although then I cannot help with the hand placement (palms away). The other thing is that it is difficult to "feel" if I am pulling people forward to much (or letting them go to forward, off their balance). Again from my own practice I know there is a fine balance point that I can find and overshoot/recover from...etc....but in the adjustment position it is difficult to negotiate this.

I really like being in the room, I like adjusting people...although I have a ways to go. The energy is wonderful. I cannot really tell if I am finding people in their pose or not yet. With some people I can.

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I followed the Mysore class with my own hour long practice...bascially just standing and finshing poses as I had to get into work for a longish day. Plus my head has been throbbing for the past week so I decided it was in my best interest to go easy. I am trying to incorporate what have been reading in the Spirit of Yoga book into my practice......it is such a lovely book....highly recommend.

I was a flipping mess all day yesterday. I skipped my am Mysore practice because my partner was ill and I did not want him to have to get up at 6:30am with thre kids....so I stayed at home and got up with them. All the while I was trying to figure out a way to get a practice in before the led class I assist in at 5:30....where I was going to be leading the opening and Salutes A...YIKES. SO at about 7:45am I slipped into the bedroom to give my husband a few options for the day.....well it all fell apart, cuz in reality I was not only trying to ease his day, but I was also trying to get to yoga and ease my day....I just was not saying so. He ended up feeling like my priorites were all fucked up and that the only thing important to me was my practice...It was very hard to hear this. I was concerned about him...but to be truthful as well, I was just alittle caught up in my own world.....hmmmm.

Anyway, after some DISCUSSION, we both went to work....lots of apologies etc etc....but I still knew that for me the acceptance of the day would happen if I could get a practice in somehow. However, I was also resigned to possibility of it not happening....thinking thinking....then the idea came to me....If my partner was willing to go in alittle late next week on Friday then I could leave a bit early and make up the time next week on my day off....I decided to discuss it with him....WITH an open mind. I felt particularly strong about getting a practice in because I was getting so worked up about teaching the first part of the beginner's ashtanga class at 5:30. I though my own practice would bring balance to the tension.

I am very lucky. I am very lucky because my partner understands that I get luney without a practice, pretty MAD really....he agreed to go into his work later than usual next Friday so that I could leave a few hours early and practcie just before teaching (well stopping about 45 min so that I could warm up my VOICE).

Thank God!

So, my practice was good....all of the primary, and backbends....but in doing so I set myself up to have a later than usual night I think (did not go to bed til 11:30pm....backbends that late in the day....oh well...I needed the juice. I think my practice this morning suffered a bit since my arms were tired...and I felt incredibly nauseas....weird. So again I just did the primary series.

The led class went okay. It is tricky though. I did not really find a good pace...it is hard to when you are talking throughout the salutations...to listen to everyone's breath so that you do not go too fast or too slow. I was too slow...oops. My teacher gave me a tip....listen for the loudest breather in the room and follow their breath. But the main thing for me was just doing it....it was really fun! I will be repeating next week. I am also doing the led relaxation....but that is more old hat now...i think I have done it 6 times or something.

It is really funny how the voice is such a hard thing to control when you really focus on it. First of all I have a twangy, nasally New England accent....and I am talking to New Zealanders. We (meaning Americans) pronounce our vowels differently and reduce two vowels sounds to one generally...plus I keep my R's in the front of my mouth whereas as they let them go. Anyway, more than once I have been told that my accent is a bit hard to listen to, so i am trying my best to be clear, succinct, and at the same time not too harsh! Speaking in front of people is not a huge problem for me, after years of science seminars etc...but it is different, much more personal...so I was still nervous.

I am really excited about bringing more and more of myself into the class....first I have to learn it....but once that is second nature I can start to really have fun!

In Mysore I am going to be taking chanting and Sanskrit classes, so that should help me get all the pronounciation sorted. It is a battle though. Two months to go!

I was just about ready to come to practice with some dirt, a basball cap, and some chewing tabbaco......all in preparation for flying bakasana......try and work on an intelligent approach to landing this blasted asana.....a few digs with my feet, finger licks rubbed onto my cap, and yeah, spit....all this to try and get this pose...maybe just dirty sox would work.

But thankfully today instead of it taking 5 or 7 attempts, hey hey....3 times...wahhoo...and it actually felt good, surprised me. Maybe luck is not really what it takes...hmmm. Will think about this. I am sure my teachers and fellow practcitioners are thankful.

I had a few tips thrown in the works about landing FB from one of my teachers.....and while I did not really concentrate on them at the time I was trying to do this pose this morning, I realized that I accidentally did do two of the things that were suggested and voila!

Anyway, other poses of the day worth mentioning...kapotasana...sucked. Not sure what went wrong, but I was just not really in it. I think my thighs were rotated out too much (vs in of course), so this allowed my knees to slip out a bit. FOrward bending is heaps better, although the sciatic pain (or whatever it is) is still there. I have passed the hurdle on this issue. I am SURE something will hurry up in to take its place, hopefully not too quickly.

I practiced following a 6am Mysore class in which I was assisting. It was a lovely class, although I am still not getting the balance thing in prasarita padottansana C....this time some folks were saying I was not letting them come forward enough....oops....I guess I over compensated? I am beginnning to get the drift of how different people are, and how each person changes, even in the short time since I have been assisting.

The other really cool thing about the day is that I got some BOOKS....yeah, they arrived from ....dare I say it AMAZON....Yikes. Okay the things is books are soooooo friggin expensive in NZ that it is cheaper to buy them on Amazon AND have them shipped....but I sort of screwed up because I was supposed to have them sent to my family's home in Mass, so that my bro could drag them along via his bags...he is coming for a visit next week...did I say I was excited!!!!!!!! Anyway, I accidentally clicked to fast so they were shipped here instead....even though I sent an email with in 5 min of this mistake to Amazon to correct the shipping address, apparently that was not fast enough. Anyway, I have 4 out of the 5 I orderd....BKS Inyengar's Light on the Yoga Sutras (which I have been borrowing for the past 4 months from my school), Alistair Shearer's The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Anatomy of Hatha Yoga by H. David Coulter, and The Heart of Yoga by TKV Desikachar. It was like Christmas...all new and glossy, with the first crack in the bind to be made by me.

Practice yesterday afternoon was solid and more or less uneventful. I did sort of feel like my skin was not attached to my muslces though...it was a strange sort of feeling. If I practice in the afternoon, I generally just do the primary series with few backbends, so that I am not kept awake at night.

Okay...that little bit of a lean forward in the upper body, necessary for proper jump backs, flying bakasana, and probably numerous other asanas that I cannot do is not happening...why?....well, after much growling, and facial contorting in utter disgust at myself I decided (as if you actually decide these things) that it is probably the FEAR of sticking my head out there that is holding me back.....I know I have strength issues, but I am finding hard to beleive that is the only thing...I think a greater obstacle is the fear thing. I can go from a handstand in a very controlled way (most of the time) into navasana, but am years from going the other way....reversing the movement.....so I know that I can stick my head out there in a different context, maybe when I am not as vulnerable?

Anyway, my teacher was great this morning helping talk me through the jump back...with great tips....one being to just do it and stop thinking about it, because there is not enough time to think about it when you are doing it. The other key thing is to lift up and forward, not up then forward.....again because of the time and momentum thing. ANd the last great pointer was to really draw the knees and legs in tight before swinging them through the arms. This teacher makes it look so EASY....and yet I so struggle with it. She also pointed out other times in practice when I am doing the movement necessary, to highlight it so that i will be able to laterally move the consciouness to the jump back scenerio....so for instance, I can go from Tittibandhasana to Chaturanga dandasana without having to go through bakasana, basically because I lift up and forward, throwing my chest and chin towards the front of my mat - no problem.....hmmmm. All very interesting.....it is really interesting to me to compare my sense of awareness of myself in different poses...because it can change so dramatically from one to the next.

Otherwise I was just really tired this morning...physically and emotionally. I gave myself little goals throughout the practice in order to keep going.....saying I will just get through the Mari's, then I will just get up to Baddha Konasana...etc etc...until I completed the primary..... My backbending had much to be desired so I just did three backbends, and three drop backs and then finished. In the end it was a good practice, although slow and careful.