Ashtanga Traveler

Child Labour

Child Labour 2

No tipping

Croc Bait

Hold On Tight

What are we doing up here?

Ready Set Jump

Okay, I have more pix still on the camera that have not been downloaded so this is not exactly the last India post....will do that asap.

The Old woman in me...the me that has been there always...was very much in my conscious mind and physical body this morning...still enjoying the deep sleep of the evening before...as the jumping bean me went in for practice...the Old woman nodded a bit to start, stretched and groaned....then quite frankly started to lash out. Funny how this happens from one day to the next. I suppose it is not that surprising...while the overall rhythym of life creates a consistency in which we can exist and remember....the little details of each moment can reek such havoc...and then subside back into the landscape as if they were never there.

No handstands today...amrs hurt, tired, sloppy.

For your amusement:

View image

The thing about workshops is that I tend to take it with me all day....so my practice lives in the front of my mind pushing everything else to the back. While this degree of mindfulness "feels" great, it makes getting other things done...like my job, much more difficult. I am going to post my thoughts about the workshop at the end instead of as I go so that I have the opportunity to reflect and perhaps even break through some barriers within my practice.

For now I will say it is a wonderful workshop.

Other news....kids actually did what I asked this morning. This was sort of thrilling...no war when getting them into clean clothes...and walking to the car to head to school. Only a minor battle getting C to put his shoes on after we arrived at school.

Our tenants on Waiheke Island abandoned...yep. Now what I want to know is exactly what does it take in a person to be over three weeks in arrears in rent and then just leave, not leaving any contact info, not even calling to discuss the issue, and leaving over 13 bags of rubbish to be hauled out. Suffice it to say this is a major financial loss to us (several grand I would guess by the end of the mess)...and may end up in us having to sell the house, hopefully not. I suppose it is the luck of the draw really in this business...good tenants, not so good tenants. What we have wanted to do is provide an affordable home to people on an island paradise really, while holding onto property that we may one day be able to enjoy ourselves again. we have been reasonable landlords and worked towards developing an understanding relationship with our past tenants. I really love this little house, so I find it difficult dealing with so much disrespect. Anyway, despite my negative feelings about these individuals I am trying to move past them to invite more positive energy, because it is really not worth all the stress and headache. I suppose if we end up having to sell, then that is just the way it is.

Dena has been talking a lot about how we relate to others in the world around us. How much we give, selflessly.

I struggle with giving sometimes. I give unconditionally to my children, that I know. I look at each of them, each of them as an individual, and wonder what thoughts they have had, have now, and will have at later times during their life journey….I wonder and hope that at least some of them they will share with me, they will want to share with me and feel that they can. I want them to ask me for help when they need to, without batting an eye. I want them to also grow up loving each other and the people that enter their lives with an open heart. I want all these things for them…and I suppose for myself. At this point I wonder is this a selfish thing…..do I get something out of that? But then I turn back and look at myself again, assess as best I can what my motivating feelings are. With my children I feel this is true, unconditional love.

But with other people I do not feel this necessarily. So why is that? My children do hurt me from time to time. They do not listen or pay attention. They get upset and hit or scream at me. They get so angry. I feel terrible. But it does not matter. With other people, I do not feel the same however. I hold onto negativity. I let things get really wound up in me, resentment and anger. I find it hard to write off the behaviour as easily as I do with my children…I do not try to understand...so then I wonder, is the unconditional love I feel for my children all that I am capable of. Am I maxed out? Sometimes I certainly feel that all the energy that I contain at a given moment is given over to them, freely. But none-the-less it is gone.

Mothering is so wonderful. I would not change it for anything. At the same time there a balance that must be met so that I can give to more than just them. How do I figure out how to do that? Sometimes it feels like every possible ounce or even thought of an ounce of giving that is within me is given already to them…and then what? What about my partner, my friends, family…what about the STUFF we all must deal with in order for our households to function, the practical stuff….some of which is easy and some of which is not so easy. The energy…where is it supposed top be? And if we can not find it, are we more edgey, less patient than we want to be?

I am going to try and step back from my usual routine, my usual response and attempt to be more giving. Maybe that means I protect myself a bit more, so that I am not completely ravaged by the attention seeking of my kids and can be more patient and open to everyone else.

Last day in Mysore, a Saturday, so no practice. Lots of packing to be done. Breakfast at Tina's. Goodbye and goodbye and goodbye.

Heavy Heart.

How did I get talked into this?

Oh yes, I remember....only adult willing to get up on this beast to escort Conrad the Brave and neighborhood Mlle, Rashme.

After 2 days living in travel hell...we land in Auckland....I am DETERMINED to get to the beach....so on the following morning, okay we all slept in til after noon...on the following afternoon, we hit Piha...

Huxley

Conrad

Beware....he will make you do what he wants.

Three days of rest….probably a good idea after the Intensive with Dena….catch up with my boyz. But we also had to go over to our house on Waiheke….damage report. Our tenants abandoned sometime in the first week of March we suspect (owing about 2.5G).

Here is what we found….the garden had not been tended to for the past three months at all….so we had to go in to “mow� the lawns with a weed-eater. Several native trees were cut down without our permission. The outdoor area which we left in quite good shape was a pit…literally…they had dug it out. Lots of very big nails pounded into the walls. Handles missing off doors and cupboard drawers. The carpet was okay.

Okay this was the easiest stuff to handle. The really hard stuff to handle is all the stuff they took…..

Large wooden picnic table
All Craig’s photo equiptment, including two enlargers and all accessories, lights, etc.
Craig’s ice climbing equiptment…..all of it…he is devastated.
All our personal belongings that we had stored underneath the house which we were planning to move over to Auckland when we could.
All the mozzie screens for all the windows in the house.

Plus lots of other things we have yet to uncover…like the 8 original hand-etched Japaneese crystal glasses I gave to Craig as a first anniversary gift……..

Trying hard not to get emotional…as it is stuff, right?

I feel for Craig. He has lost things that he has had for over 25 years…lots of history, totally irreplaceable.

The tenants knew we had things under the house which we intended to have access to during the tenancy. So we trusted them to be honest people…..guess we will think again. The cost of this loss is thousands….but actually the money aspect hardly matters.

So we have been in touch with the Tenancy tribunal and the Police on Waiheke and in Auckland.

The only fortunate thing is that Waiheke is a reasonably small community. I think about 7-8000 permanent residents, and even Auckland is a small scene really.

SO what do you do….just move forward, try to let go of the really nasty thoughts and wishes…..

Anyway…..

Yoga….I was so stiff this morning…it was not funny. I crept through my practice dragging myself through each vinyasa….kapotasana was hateful, the leg-behind the head poses had me near tears….I even contemplated stopping before them to save myself from the agony…..okay that is a bit too harsh….but it was one of those days.

Thought I would post clips from Dena’s workshop…have not had much time to process it really since we had to deal with the house…..but that will come.

Sunday Talk through with Dena – primary series. Another wonderful class with lots of lightness and energy. Arms felt a little tired in the middle (around Marichyasanas). The focus on heart opening really speaks to me. It liberates my practice beyond the day to day experience of practice to a point where I understand the effects on many levels. The heart charka is a very central point for me. I was in a much less stable emotional space during her workshop last year. While I still got a tremendous amount out of it, I think this time the focus for me will go much further. My practice is now very much a foundation for day to day life as well as life as a whole. But was teary eyed off and on afterward.

5-7 chanting and discussion with Dena. I found this session incredibly interesting, rewarding and enjoyable. I find chanting very difficult, but in a room of people it seems to not matter as much. I appreciated peoples questions and Dena’s answers, her candidness and frankness, her personal thoughts about why we are all here doing this, the acceptance of that. I find it difficult to articulate why I do Yoga to other people, but especially those that do not practice because my conversation quickly becomes exclusive, mostly because I struggle with clarity and communication in general. It is not because I do not think about it (constantly sometimes), but even when I hear the words coming out of my mouth they seem jumbled at times. It was really wonderful to have such a warm environment for people to ask what they wanted and share what they wanted. It was nice to hear what Dena had to say to us about our being there…it is in the blood, no coincidence, we have been on this path before. This takes the pressure off really…..no need to explain myself anymore.

I have a number of questions for Dena….maybe I will just give them to her and ask next time.

Monday Mysore with Dena. Space cadet city. I was so engrossed in my downward facing dog adjustments that I completely forgot to do virabhadrasasana in the first two salutes B. Adjustment comments – push out in the back between the shoulder blades and then expand out. Feel the extension from the wrist to the elbow, the elbow to the shoulder, shoulder to the waist and then down along the legs to the heels…this rounds my upper torso abit so that I do not “sink� into the shoulders. Also have about 4-5 more inches between my feet and hands…more extension.

Still thinking about down dog and the breath, started to go into prasarita series without any other standing postures…clearly out to lunch. Went back and started again.

Laghu Vajrasana. First way…head back as a plank holding onto the ankles (not the mid-claves) and keeping the arms straight as go back. Come up and jump back. Second way: spread knees out a bit and bring feet together to make a triangle. Inch hands down the thighs to the knees as drop head back to land on the feet. Somehow come up…have to ask about this…it is harder to come up using the inner thighs because the keens are turned out.

Bakasana B was its usual disaster. Will ask for any tips tomorrow.

Leg behind the head poses – very intense adjustments here getting the shoulder far enough in front of the leg in Eka Pada. Interesting point was also pushing down on the foot to square it off and release pressure on the neck. Going forward, Dena held onto the leg and simultaneously pushed down on the lower-mid back of the extended leg. Finally she held leg so that I could lift up, with the leg still behind the neck, then swing legs through/around and jump back.

Dwi pada seemed much easier after this, able to get second foot bound on my own. Then Dena helped raise the feet/legs up and back a bit to make more room for the shoulder (particularly the left).

Backbends all okay. Dena’s adjustment in Chakra Bandhasana was really gentle yet still intense and had my hands near my knees. I will focus more on that tomorrow, because she did something that made it so simple.

Focus was a bit spacey, felt calm, strong and light.

Tuesday Mysore with Dena. Another amazing practice with Dena. I had a better night’s sleep, although was still up twice with the boys. My arms/shoulders were tired. She gave me more tips in Down Dog…..I must be pushing into my shoulders still. SO I am trying to concentrate on that in all downward dogs in the practice….probably why my arms and shoulders are a bit tired.

Second series was good. I came up from the “typeII� Laghu Vajrasana on the second attempt. I had to really pull hard on my knees to get my hips up and over them in order to come up. It is much trickier for me than coming up from the “typeI� LV where the hands clasp the ankles.

Kapotasana was really deep and intense. I have been finding it harder to vinyasa after these intense backbends than usual…..so I am taking a few extra breaths in downward dog and working on relaxing along the spine.

I am getting more and more out of the two twisting postures that follow Bakasana (landed B on the third attempt)….while they seem less intense than the twists in the primary, in some ways they are more difficult because they do not bind….I am trying to really focus on keeping my sitsbones down in Bharadvajasana and really releasing in the hip and buttocks in Ardha Matsyendrasana.

Eka Pada, Dwi Pada….My Hips!…..Dena is so firm. I do not know how she gets my leg to go where it is going…but it is amazing. There was no tension on my neck whatsoever. And I could really extend my torso even more when going forward while she pushes down and holds the leg in place. The rotation in the hips in Dwi Pada is becoming more and more clear….not just rotation but also inward compression and then a lift. Also feels amazing, but I am a long way away from that myself. Yoga Nidrasana is quite a relief after those two poses, as the floor supports me.

All back bends were good. Balanced for 5 breaths on my own in Chakra Bandhasana. I paid more attention to that adjustment today. She supports the sacrum as you go back and while clasping with a slight lift forward and up. But it is not a super strong support, just enough.

I was very focused and peaceful. I do get a little apprehensive when approaching the leg behind the head poses, but just a little and I know that it will be okay.

Wednesday Mysore with Dena. The bottom line today was that I had to leave at 7:30 to make a lecture I was giving at 8am. I tried to change it of course, but sometimes you just have to give in…..allow life to be balanced.

I spoke to Dena about leaving…she said just move quickly into second as soon as I was warm. I did 3 of each salute and standing as usual up to Parvottanasana…then pasasana through to yoganidrasana. All the back bends were great….. adjustment in Bhekasana (holy smoke, she lifted me really high up), Dhanurasana on my own today….which was good to see the difference between when I do it and when she pulls my legs back and then squeezes them closer together at the thighs. It creates more space in the hips and shoulders this way. I came up in both Laghu vajrasana variations first go. Kapotasana was deep and light going into and out of. The second LV variation is a really good intro to Kapotasana and it feels really amazing. Leg behind the head poses were not as satisfying cuz I was going into them quickly…Dena was there for each one though, completely on top of my practice Eka Pada, Dwi pada, and yoga nidra. I felt more apprehension today in these poses than yesterday…but again I think that was because I was rushed a bit. I really like the. way she holds my leg in place for when I lift up to jump back….it usually falls to the side off the neck and shoulder on my own…but this keeps the intensity of the pose going.

Backbends were quick…3 up and then came up, then assisted drop backs…with Chakra Bandhasana…this was not as easy at all with fewer back bends prior….but still held on my own. I bounced around a bit to find my balance, hands below knees slightly. It was not as easy coming up. I felt a bit too open…like I had to push my insides back in place.

Very short finishing, but enough to cool down. Left on the dot of 7:30am. FAST. Felt invigorated but stable, in a good place for this lecture.

Thursday Mysore with Dena. The adjustment in Eka Pada nearly brought tears to my eyes this morning. I was tired, no doubt, but I also felt more reservation than usual (new moon?). After the pose I felt okay, although Dwi Pada was also not great…Yoga Nidrasana was in deed a relief. Dena gave me Tittibhasana…

Jump into Tittibhasana (okay I tried that, then went into it by jumping feet around legs first and lifting up from there), 5 breaths, then drop feet down so they are parallel, lift up and wrap arms around back, straightening the legs as mush as possible, take 5 steps forward starting with the right foot, then five steps back starting with the right foot, then walk feet in a little bit, keeping knees over the ankles, drops arms so hands are around ankles and claps fingers (5 breaths), then lift up again into Tittibhasana for 5 breaths, jump back.

I repeated it once on my own and then felt like collapsing.

OMG – my hips and quads. I had no idea what that pose was about. It feels so different than it looks. It feels so awkward and strange. But I like being surprised by things, and needless to say it reminds me of being humble and accepting. In Eka Pada today I really had to focus on relaxing. I felt any residual tension would wind up being a problem. My hips are a major focal point in my practice, so I am not surprised at how I am responding to the leg behind the head poses.

I am really responding to the breathing exercises before practice and am once again going to try and incorporate it into my normal practice (tried last year, lasted a few months).

Feeling sad that there is only one day left of the workshop, but at the same time very inspired and also looking forward to being back in NZ, with the usual surroundings.

Led class with Dena. This was a “following� class really. We all practiced together. I was tired. I was sad to have to say goodbye. But overall inspired. AT the end of the class we all spoke a few words about our experience for the week – I was in a much more stable space than I was last year. I felt energized not shattered. I had a few “wobbley� moments but overall felt very calm and happy. I will miss her. I talked with C about getting to Byron at some point in the next year or so....he was keen.

I wanted to mention that Dena has us practice in a circle. This really pushes us to do three things…focus intensely on our own practice….share our practice…..support the others in the circle. I really like this format as it pushes me to be myself.

Okay...and here are a few more, hopefully not repostes, maybe one or two taken by another...

The world of ashtanga…somedays I feel completely wrapped up in it….yikes.

Today was more or less a suck practice. Another one. I was thinking about it a lot this morning, while I was supposed to be working of course. The reasoning process is so funny…sometimes I “reason� myself into believing the mild scenario of why things happen, why things are the way they are….not really knowing if that “answer� is indeed the truth. Funny.

So why did my practice suck so much….hmmm. Well the obvious emotional thing on the list is the weekend discovery of our belongs being taken from our rental property…I have been trying to be the strong one of the two of us…and maybe just maybe not allowing, hiding, my true feelings about it to keep a smile going. This is entirely possible. The fact that I nearly burst into tears following practice when my teacher gave me hug, suggests this could be true. Clearly something was showing up in my practice anyway, that was obvious to him. It made me feel a whole lot better…just to be able to come out with the fact that the theft is hard to digest.

On top of that, my practice is changing at the moment. I think this has a lot to do with the leg behind-the-head poses. I would be minimising things if I said these poses are getting to me…they are REALLY getting to me. The thing is, I am viewing this as a big challenge on all levels. And it is probably the first time I have really, really felt that about the physical practice…Eka pada sirsasana through Tittibhasana…HIPS. Now in the last pose a number of strange things seem to happen, and then hip opening at this point seems much more subtle….or maybe it is because it comes after the other three. But I find straightening the legs in B and C to be really tricky….it seems like straighten and squeeze or something. But despite being tricky it does not seem impossible, even though I have a lot to work on….so what does seem impossible?

Currently the two things that seem impossible to me are:
1) Karandavasana (okay I am not doing this pose, never tried it, don’t get me wrong…but even thinking about the possibility of doing that pose seems impossible)
2) Lifting up into handstand starting with the legs together and keeping them straight…no jumping, pushing off, bending knees etc…just inhale-lift.

The other thing that is sort of bothering me right now, is that I am paying a lot more attention to other people these days. I am not sure why. There are at least two reasons that come to mind…the first is that after being in Mysore, it is hard not to check out what other people are up to….second, after being away I am curious about what people are doing back at home. But regardless of the reason it is quite distracting. I am trying to be honest with myself about all this….maybe I should start wearing blinders or something. I am sure it will pass in time.

Okay...THE funniest thing, most embarrassing moment...whatever...happened to me in practice this morning....

I was having quite a nice, firey pratice...not tired, not sore, feeling good. Now I knew that the tank top I was wearing was on the outs....but now we are talking retirement - permanent.

I held tittibhasana A for five breaths, released and moved into B...I bound my arms, straightened my legs as much as I could and then brought my head through to looking up....at the sorriest sight...there it was...my right breast...completely...I mean the entire thing...out of my top....just as I noticed and started to laugh a good friend behind me started giggling too....how funny. Let's face it...in that pose everyone looks like R2D2....I would probably be more horrified by this whole spectacle but I am quite near-sighted and so I assume because I cannot see someone clearly...they cannot see me...it is a good naive headspace, especially this morning.

Needless to say, I had the giggles for the rest of the practice. I resorted to finishing the TITtibhasana sequence with my top in my teeth....charming. Luckily I had another shirt to put on for backbends...or else who knows what things might have happened.

Anyway, practice before this event was great....I tried and tried and tried to get into Dwi Pada on my own....on like the fourth attempt my teacher was there to help me get my right shoulder through...if anyone has tips on how to stay balanced while trying to get the second leg up....I need some....cuz it is humpty-dumpty time in that one.

Practice this morning was so delibrate. I was STIFF. I was not really tired or weak...just felt like everything was locked...no key. Movement felt good, but I had to go slowly, test each joint, extned as much as I could, then move to the next. It took AGES. It was actually funny how slowly I was going, a few extra breaths in each down dog, a few extra breaths to release in some more troubling pose, like Eka Pada B. I was stiff, but I also felt pretty strong, although I admit there were a few shakey moments...for example I almost fell over coming to Samasthitih in Saluts B. Hmmm. But overall I should say it was a good practice, different, definietly not a high flyer.

I have to go into for this tenancy court hearing today...I have afeeling that is what might be part of the stiffness. I hate conflict. I do not expect the tenant to actually turn up. As far as we can tell they have disappeared....it seems funny really to have to go through all this. I am so NOT a landlord.

Anyway, like all things...it will be over soon.

So I have been checking the airline ticket fares from Auckland to Cali everyday now....not that I have any money, nor the time at work or at home to whisk myself away for part of the tour....but hey!

Right, try to focus. I have only been back from India for a month...eek.

Practice this morning was better. I forgot two poses though...OMG...such a flake. But as a result I had much more time to tumble around in my leg-behind-the-head poses....they are getting there.

I am finding it quite amusing that I even try to do these poses.

The Easter Bunny is gearing up for tip top hiding spots...my kiddies are at the perfect age now for treasure hunts.....going to try and curb the chocolate hit a bit.....but, hey I LOVE chocolate so why should they have to hold back. I must admit I have been raiding the stash a bit this week after they have gone to bed. Other things on the cards for the weekend....my hub's birthday....he has a love/hate relationship with this day....as most people can relate to.....I have a few things for him, but not he key pressie as yet.....have to look abit more.