Ashtanga Traveler

H starts school next Tuesday, on his 5th birthday. He has benn to visit his new school three times...and it has not gone well. He is verty anxious about the whole thing....nothing is right, not from the absolute start of the day. Today was his third visit....when I arrived home from practice he was sobbing already...not wanting to wear sox with his new Batman sneakers (I have long since given up on the brand shoe thing).... needless to say it was an unpleasant ride all the way to school....and then dropping him off was quite traumatic....the teacher was very cool...just grabbed his hand and said goodbye....like that was it! I then had to suffer for an hour and forty minutes wondering if he ever actually stopped crying....

When I arrived back to pick him up...he was all smiles....but when he went to get his bag for morning tea and discovered that i did not pack his snack in his new Batman lunchbox....major tears AGAIN. I tried to reason with him.....he was just having a snack not lunch, therefore he will only take his new lunch box when he goes for a full day and has lunch there....did not work.

Anyway, somehow we ended up in okay spirits with each other, enough to stop ast the usual spot for him to have his snack and chat about this and that before dropping him off at creche....

War number two of the day....buses on strike...okay so how well is this city supposed to function with about 90% fewer buses....luckily one came by in about 30 minutes...finally.

Work....hmmm...not really enough time to do much before I have to leave to go to assist in the beg class. Oh well....the day job.

Practice this week has not been that memorable. In fact I have been really fighting it...not wanting to get up for the life of me. Bailed on Monday, bailed on Tuesday and went in the afternoon for a total shit practice by myself. Wed was good. Nice second series, strong, lightish. Today I was so heavy.....I was not so tired just could not get my butt off the ground. I decided it was a good day to do the full primary....been awhile. Despite missing it, I simply do not miss Navasana..... I do sereiously miss Baddha Konasana...in fact I decided to do the primary today so that I could do that pose....so it definitely is a gatekeeper...and ya jones for it when doing mostly second.

Caught a movie last night....this was instead of climbing with C...The Interpretor...gotta love Sean Penn.

My kids were delightful yesterday....(and so was the hubster). I had a sleep in which was awesome and was roused for a yummy pancake breakfast with fresh fuji apples, feijoas and bananas...and of course Maple Syrup....this, I might add is a treasure.....in NZ they try to get a way with "Golden Syrup"....makes me want to gag.

We all hung around the house for most of the day. H was givewn his big present early (a scooter) so he scooted around the house as it was raining....and then when the clouds parted we headed out for a walk around the neighboorhood.....he on his scooter.

A bit later on I set up to do some yoga, although I did not get very far....salutes A and B, Padagustasana, padahastasana, U. Trik....and then I was the "chosen" parent to get them out of the tub....at the same time C was cooking up some black beans....and the smell (lov cumin) was just divine...so I decided to pitch the practice and eat!

Read lots of stories to the boys before bed....and then drifted off myself for a long rest.

So this is life now.....Hux headed straighted into that class room and "shrugged" me off....like I was not there....I could not beleive it. I guess this is what happens when they go to "big" school...no more cuddles and long goodbyes....just "seeya, what was your name again? oh ya, Mum" ....whoah....where did my baby go? He would not even let me talk about him being a little bub 5 years ago.

Hopefully he will remember that his snack for morning tea is on the red box in his lunch box. Worry, worry.

Yoga this morning was grand. I left the house at about 5:10am....got in and cranked the heaters, hit the cupboard which is my mess to deal with with everyday....mats, blankets, bolsters and sand bags (for the Iyengar people)....most of the time it is a freakin mess....not too bad this am. Got started at 5:30....cruised....started second at 6am....everything was going great....but the room just kept filling. So much so that my teachers decided to move us to the larger room....I was not happy about this, not one little bit....our room was nice and warm. I was half way through my practice....and then this....drag my mat and all my shit and find a new spot. Luckily I could still be by the heater. Anyway, it ended up not being as big of a deal as I thought....and having so many people turn up like over 30 for the 6am mysore is great...wicked energy. ANyway, I got to Karandavasana...and had my usual trouble....what a sand bag pose? It is so hard....I am so clueless. I cannot get my legs into lotus...I cannot even get my right foot down far enough close to my left hip never mind the left foot in....and as for the rest...well it must be at least 40/60....40% me, 60% teacher....or maybe even worse.

Yesterday I practiced at home....it was a good go, really. I am diggin my new space at home for yoga...and have discussed with C about keeping it for my practice space....

I have a little confession as well....from my practice last Friday, also at home....had a peak at the second part of the second series, meaning post karandavasana....and even tried a few....holy smokes there are some hard ones...never mind the vinyasas as well, which I am sure I screwed up. But it was good to just have a look at the book (Lino's) just to see what will come next. ALthough, my teacher said to me today that I will be on Karandavasana til I go to India next....and that is not for at least another year, more like 15 months. URGHHHH!!!! Oh well. Trying to chill. I know it will take me that long to work this one out....if not longer, maybe never....OMG did I say that....could it really be impossible? I have seen people do it....so it has to be possible.

Currently on the desktop: Kid Monsters

This has been quite a week. This whole "get H to school by 9am" thing is tough.....Hard to believe...but it is. I leave the house at 5:15am, get to the yoga school in about 10-12 minutes....open it up, get the heaters going, deal with the cupboard mess....hopefully hit the mat by 5:45-5:50am....practice through til 7:50-8am...then hop back in the car and head home....there by 8:15-8:20...throw back a shot of coffee (not that I need it...more of a nostalgia thing)...help find the shoes and sox for kids...make H's lunch, wash the kids faces etc....well depending on "how" dirty they are...throw book bags, computer, scooter, helmets and various othere things into the car....whip off my yoga gear...either quickly into shower...or, like today, sponge bath as quickly as possible....dress (well put on something anyway)....jump back into car by 8:35-8:40....drive H to his school, then Connie to his creche...breath at some point...then into the car to whip across town to my work....sigh.

It is so manic!

Practice this morning was really good. Something I desparatley needed. My balance was a bit off, not too surprising. But I felt strong. I spent a bit more time than usual with the leg-behind the head poses...trying to crank the hips more....before yoganidrasana, I put both legs (one at a time) into eka pada, and then reclined a bit so that my lowere back rested on the floor.....after the left side I brought the right leg into YN and stayed in the pose for about 10 breaths.

I had a fairly good go at Bakasana B today...trying out some suggestions from Okrgr (EZ Board)....great tips. My goal is to try and jump into the pose without having to reach a nearly vertical position and then come down onto the arms with the knees....it is a very different approach. So far so good. Today I tried it in a few "stages" to try and find the balance point on my hands, but not necessarily landing it.

Karandavasana was the usual nightmare. BUT before being assisted into the pose (meaning the full lotus upside down business, drop down and then raise back up) I had two really good goes on my own, trying to get my legs intp lotus....I crashed both times of course...but I was able to maintain the forearm balance at least enought to sort of play around with the leg movements...it will be a long time before it comes...slowly. When I finally did thepose with assistance after coming back to a forearm balance and releasing the legs....I tried to come out correctly...but my shoulders were so done...my arms did not move...major belly flop....it must have been a sight cuz I heard a few chuckles from the gallery!

This weekend we are having H's birthday party on Sunday....there is a friend's 30th tonight...a rather swank soiree...but I think I am gonna give it a miss.... offer up to babysit.

Last night I led my first full section of the beginner's class...start all the way through the standing poses....holy smokes...it goes by so fast when you talk through it....I wish it did in my practice at times! I was releived that despite my nerves I really enjyed it! ANd the students were great, so patient and had some really wonderful feedback. SO in two weeks I have the whole class to deliver...YIKES.

I really really really did not feel like having this birthday party.....but it turned out to be very relaxed and enjoyable. The weather stunk....but it was fun none the less. I managed to somehow get all the food etc prepared...even though it seemed fairly impossible when I dragged my ass out of bed on Sunday am.

Before the party we took the bys to the climbing gym....CFC got the closest to the wall...and that was actually wearing a harness and then letting one of us (C or I) hold him as he climbed up a few feet, but as soon as we clipped him onto the rope he went ballistic! H was more interested in the video games...which I swear right now...I will never give him change for...promise cross my heart...no matter how much they try to manipulate me.....brain drain....Next time we go I think they will all be just a step closer to actually climbing...I hope. H really loves going to playgrounds that have short blob climbs....so I know once he gets past the issue of the harness and the rope he will be excellent. I guess it is a lesson in patience for me....cuz I want him t give it a go of course but also not force him.

Conrad thinking...."what the hell?...."

The party took place in THE BOY'S DEN...which means the tin garage out the back...first we had real food (okay real party food), then make you own banana splits, then cake....

Conrad dumped the M&M's clearly.....

After the party....the kids settled in and were even "ready" to go to bed....what a treat. Mum was clearly rather spaced out and crazy looking at this point.....

Isn't it funny how yoga practitioners can learn to breath, move in and out of 100's of asanas with grace, engage the bandhas, focus inwards, medidtate...but yet they simply cannot fold a f-cking blanket or put sand bags, blocks, and chairs back properly (if they are prop people).....

Give me a break....it sucks having to tidy up after everyone everyday, cuz they cannot be bothered. I might have to put a flyer up in our cupboard showing the correct "blanket-folding" practice. This morning when I arrived the three piles of blankets were all near crashing over, the sand bags looked like they had been chucked into the corner from at least ten feet as if it was some sort of game....and the blocks....I mean what, was a two year old in there making buildings?

Talk about gripes......okay, got that off my chest...feel better.

I have been a on a roll with the movie rentals lately....Elephant, Monster, and last night Collateral...my husband is beginning to wonder if this is a study in psychotic killing....the thing is I rarely read the back of the jackets....so I hardly ever know what the movies I pick are actually about...

Yoga....I have had a sweet week of practices so far. Yesterday and today were particularly good....still working on this fore-arm balance into lotus thing....today I worked it for probably a good 10 minutes....up and try to build, crash....up, try to build, crash....but I can see some progress. Basically I think the issue is that when I fold my right foot in....it does not go far enough down and is not turned out enough...meaning that the side of my foot is on the thigh, not the top.....I am managing to wiggle is down a bit further and then was able to get the second foot to touch the right knee...although there was no green light at that point....and then I crashed....I probably did this like 6-7 times. At one point in the middle my teacher came over to assist me....so I got to "do" the pose, although she did more than me:)....but I kept working it after she moved on. I felt rather frustrated....but it was good sort of frustrated....and it is a major lesson in humility....in most poses that I am doing so far I feel pretty strong (well for me)....in this one I feel like a cold, wet piece of spaggetti.....it ain't pretty.

Challenges are good as long as they do not take over. The yoga...is not just physical....so why obsess? Sometimes it affects me more than others. I have been working this pose for about a month now....and it is quite likely that I will still be working it in many months to come....so have I just reached an impatience level at this point? Like why can't I do this, damnit....

I think so...which is nice to realise, because it is actually quite silly to get worked up about it....so I can walk away, feeling pretty good...cuz actually whether I do the pose or not, it does not really matter....

SO I am going to go out on a limb here...for a sec...looking for some tips on how to "ask" my partner if I can have a week to go on a yoga holiday to Oz....SOLO. I really want to go to Byron to practice with Dena later this year....a week...oh, two weeks???? Anyway, this sort of thing has never been achieved in this relationship at least on this end....my partner has been away a bit....and I did take my kids home to the States just about 2 years ago without him.....but in the past 5 years I have only spent 2 nights MAX away from my boys. Is this a selfish request?

Anyway, it is a dream at this point...and I really do not think he will go for it...but it would be nice to have at least a strategy in place for "asking".

Okay...I reached that point today of pounding my fists into the mat...alittle obsessed?

Nearly nearly had lotus built....left foot touching right knee about three times....just could not get it all the way in before falling over.....

in time.....but it still does not prevent the tanti-fairy from landing on my shoulder!

First off I want to say a huge thanx to the great comments by Okrgr, Kiran, and uqnnyl...the combination of which found me hangin out in a nice forearm stand IN LOTUS!!!!! The course of events....

Yesterday I practiced at home...salutes and standing then a few hips openers and ditched everything else and went to try out the tips from these lovely folks. I had both kids at home with me but they were being very cool entertaining themselves or requiring just a little nudge here or there. In any event I was able to keep the heat going.

So the tripod headstand was a very good research pose... I was able to go in and out of lotus, lower up and down no problem. It enabled me to real test out the weight shifts in order to get the legs in...for me it seemed I was going to need to do quite a bit of counter balancing as my legs do not just slip in nice and easy...

So then came practice this morning. I got up at 4:30am (no shit), got to my school by 5am, managed the cupboard mess, got the room heated up....and started in at about 5:25am.....I felt like a ton of bricks....not what I was hoping. Each salute was so hard. But somewhere down the line I forgot about all that and just cruised in....

I got to Karandavasana....PM was pretty good so I decided to only do that once and then go KDV a go......first try...eh eh...second try same.....but on the third go...woohoo! Got the second foot in...held the lotus for a few breaths and then proceeded down into the Duck....okay and then crashed....I was AMAZED!!!!!! SO I thought right...another go...and the second time same thing...into lotus, balance for easy five breaths and proceed down....got the knees on the triceps....and one breath and crash....wow. I should say WOWOWOWOW. This is not an impossible pose anymore! It is like being taken off the endangered species list. I waved off any assist in doing the full pose...wanting to the let the wonder of it linger a bit, plus my shoulders were minced.

SO again...huge thanx for the tips. I incorporated them all in my efforts....now of course I actually have to get into the pose itself....but hey, small steps and practice.

Stage two....going down and holding for 5!

So after really working those shoulders in KarandaV yesterday I was USELESS at the rock gym last night. We were there a good 2-1/2 hours...I think I managed to get through one full climb....and fell off or just gave up on the rest....what a dunce. My hands hurt, my shoulders and forearms hurt...my right knee hurt...one excuse after another. C was lauching.... "I thought yoga was supposed to be good for you"......ahemm.

Anyway, practice this morning was not great...it was in the suck out ball park, much like the climbing I did last night. One surprising high point was Bakasana B...after like 3 measely attempts, a fellow yoga next to me waved his hand saying more forward...."yeah I know, I said....I am chicken". But then on my very next attempt, magic. ANd I even landed with my knnes dead on my triceps, straigthened the arms out....totally solid. So solid it felt strange. I will probably never feel that again as I slither back into Bakasana B-less land again.

KarandaV was another delightful disaster. Of course my main teacher was there....and it was a no go. First of my right knee is sore...I am not too surprised because I have been working this pose and my knees and or I should say hips are not as open as I would like them to be. But I have been being very careful, and working into louts slowly so that I do not strain too much. I notice the slight pain more if I let my ankle cave in. Anyway, I was more or less a wet noodle in KarandaV with assist. I got into a loose lotus once on my own balanced for a few breaths (coming down was more like a complete crash), but was actually just having trouble staying in the forearm balance....shoulder burn....so suffice it to say I was frustrated.

My teacher is encouraging me to go easier on myself...long life to do yoga....why rush. I think the thing about this pose that is getting me is that it is fun, the body movements are new and interesting to work out intellectually as well as physically....but basically I am not strong enough. I find it hard to let go when I really get hooked on something. Good lesson for me no doubt.

I had to rush to finish the rest of my practice and bailed on chakra Bandhasana....so I got a little telling off for spedning too much time in KarandaV and not getting throught everything....good point. I am such an addict...thank god it is yoga and not herion.

On other exciting news I am filling in tonight for a Mysore Style class as the teacher is not well. SO this is the debut evening sort of speak. Tomorrow I am doing a complete led class...that is really making me nervous. The Mysore style is easier for me to cope with.....as there is no major voice thing happening and the students are more comfortable with their practices. But I enjoy assisting in both....so it will be interesting to compare how these two nights go.

I almost always have strong practices on Thursdays. This morning was not exception. I went easy on my knee.....not sure what I did.....but it is a little tender when going into lotus...not lotus itself. Last thing I want to do is cause a major problem with my knee.

I felt quite strong. I have to admit this did surprise me....up three times with the kids during the night....that would be Mum 3/ Dad 0....ZZZEEERRROOO. Now how does that happen?

The Mysore class I taught last night was really fun. There were 20 students....and I more or less got to them all when they needed it (I hope). It is tricky, though. AT some points you look around and everyone is cool, and the next moment half the room is in need of an adjustment. So I did my best to prioritize when I could, asked people to wait if I could (when I knew their name for instance). I tried my best to go over enveryone's name from the list if I did not know them and of course introduce myself. I had a great time. It is pretty exhausting though. I think I am going to be filling in again tonight, and then doing a 1.5 hour led class (also for the first time). It is very different being in the room on my own. I more or less expected that. But I felt the responsibility so much more than I thought... I felt confident, which is good, of course.

SO I have my day cut out for me. I am relieved my own practice got me off to the right start.

As for other news, I attended Huxley's Cross Country Races Day at high school.....OMG.....it brought tears to my eyes....what a sop. I am not sure if he remembered I was coming. They called the year one boys up to the starting line (there were about 20 of them) and on his way I caught his attention and waved....huge grin on his face....and he waved back....then he quickly found his spot on the starting line and off they went....it was quite a long run for those little tigers....all the way around the entire school property....and then finishing up hill! He came in right in the middle of the pack. I got to hoot and hoolar his name, with lots of clapping as he crossed the finish line....my little darling. I was so proud.

Lots to do in the next few days.....really looking forward to a break soon. Might try to drag the family off for a few nights soon....little cabin by the sea or something.