Ashtanga Traveler

This is getting to be a ridulous thing...this cold, flu, whatever. I am sick of it....sick of sick.

I finally took the day off yesterday.....hopped in bed at 7pm on Monday night....and did not rise until 1pm the next day....now there is something wrong with that I think....so I start to be a little suspicious that maybe it is not just my "sickness" but also maybe my meds...cuz how many people can stay in bed that long....before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, I used to do this sort of thing pretty regularly....in fact I distinctly remember saying to a friend that I wanted to stay in bed until I turned into DUST! Okay on top of that my period was flippin week early....like 20 day cycle....that sucks and it completley took me by surprised...thankfully nothing white. Anyway, that is another tip that the hormones are not doing the proper dance AT ALL. ANd then of course I remeber, that I forget to take my meds for a few days last week....so wacked. Needless to say, I am awake now, sort of, and at work...doing my usual avoidance thing.

But one thing that was just grand about my day at home yesterday was reading this excellent short story by Gabriel Garcia Marquez...(I should have been Colombian)... "The incredible and sad tale of Innocent Erendira and her heartless grandmother"....it certainly made me feel better.

So I am hoping to practice this afternoon....it has been three days already (one rest and the unexpected moon)....now that dreadful July is out of the way I am looking forward to a better month, stronger practice...better vibe and hopefully health.

Had some great kid time on Sunday....took them up to Brown's Bay, just north of Auckland for some fun at the beach....

Home, Land, and Sea.....my mates TR....

and what is the island in the background? Anyone?

For some good feel-good tunes....check out what is currently Fat in NZ and headin to Europe....check'm out.

So I have decided that reading about "madness" is a good thing to do. Makes you feel a little less crazy. SO in addition to the Gabriel Garcia Marquez short stories, I have picked up Heart of Darkness.

I actually had a good solid, albeit slow, practice this morning....and hey I got up! It was chilly, ice on the windscreen...not common in Auckland...so it was extra hard crawling out from under two down comforters....did I say I was a cold wuss?

The good news is I was able to all the lotus and half-lotus poses with my right knee without pain....I was CAREFUL to be sure, but something is definitely working. SO do not get me wrong...there was no whipping the leg into any pose, but I was able to SLOWLY bring the foot in towards the hip, and let the knee drop down....really working the external rotators in the buttocks to protect the knee (Med Gluts?).

My backbends are sucking right now. I do not know what is going on except that I have been pushing the hips to open, so perhaps this is my back's way of getting "back" at me.

C and I watched Million Dollar Baby last night...okay, buy stock in kleenex....cripes, I thought I was going to get 10 pts...being a CLint film and all.... (isn't he the cutest?)

Anyway, I did not know anything about this film, zip, zero....except, chic boxer flic, with Clint E and Hillary S....and a vague recollection from Julie that it was a thumbs up.....

and it was thumbs up, and hearts yanked out and stomped on until there was nothing left but mush.

Did I mention my meds are out of whack, too?

High Times it is...no, not the mag....recent doco on NZ television about drug use/history in NZ....3 part series....really interesting. Turns out NZ is specifically targetted as a western country for importation/distribution of drugs....why? because there is a junkie tendency here, no shit. There is a monster amount of MaryJane grown indoor and outdoor....apparently something like 15-19% THC strains to knock you over and then some. When they could not get enough herion in to satisfy the demand, what did these folks do..... they invented "homebake" where they extract the morphine from OTC drugs....nasty shit. ANd what is happening more recently....well it is "P" for pure methamphetamine....aka pure speed, crystal, ice, whatever, but you smoke it, or as is even more fun, inject....goes for over 1000$ a gram, and apparently can keep you going for a week with no sleep...that does not sound too cool to me, but hey I like sleeping. And now they GRILL you at the chemist when you go in asking for sudafed (like I did last week)despite my overflowing mucous nose....because it is the pseudoephidrine in the tablets they want for conversion into metamphetamine. Another nice thing you have to worry about as a landlord is whether your house is going to become a "P" lab.

E (MDMA)is of course still popular (astronomical demand, like over a million tablets a year probably more - there are only 3 million people here remember), but goes for 60-80 $ per lolly here, and there is that long time user brain change to consider.....but hey now there is the "legal" party pill, Benzylpiperidine (BZP).

So, I suppose if you are looking for it you'll find it here, despite being a little country down the bottom of the world....and by the way ALL the info I got from the doco :).

....
Okay, so what about another way....

On the mat.

Thankfully, I had a great practice. I was nervous because my back has been so weird lately. Yesterday i did the full primary, and today I decided to do my second series practice, see how it went. ANd it was okay, which was a meg relief. Kapotasana was very intense. As I was going back, on like the third wave of the decent something moved in my left hip, released?.....have been feeling resistance in there, so the release felt good, and so far no pain associated with it. I had to take a few moments after comming up from B to bring the brain down a few notches.....went into supta vajrasana....right leg first...no problem! So the knee thing is actually on the road to repair. I asked for assitance with eka pada on both sides....push the hips a bit more and lesson the blow on the back....I think this is part of my back dilemma. Felt great. ANd then KV was okay....went into lotus with rt leg first....pretty good....tried the JMS up and down thing once...managed to lower legs and lift them back up...but was not even remotely close to lowering all the way....these are the baby steps. Felt strong in the shoulders.....but tired after 3 attempts. Backbends were good....Chakra Bandhasana...nice balance....not a huge strain for today, hands on lower calf. I am sure sitting in my office chair avoiding work as much as I can will undo all this....but there is always tomorrow.

All three boys in my family are now fighting about who can be "The Human Torch".

Practice was a slog. Every movement no matter how slight brought a tinge of pain, somewhere in the body. I am beginning to wonder whether I really need to drop back for awhile, forget about everything physical and just focus....focus on focus. Breath, locks, synchonized movement but no pushing, relaxing....see where that takes me. I am hesitant to go there, why? What does it mean if I do not go 100%, give it my all? Will that change me? Will that be transformative? Will that help still the mind?

The mind is very preoccupied right now. Perhaps that is why I am feeling so much physical pain.....it seems sort of unusual, really....first my knee goes a bit, then the left hip and lower back. And then a few days ago...ouch my right shoulder AGAIN. As if my body if totally undoing itself, giving me a "yellow card".

I probably need to grab ahold of the sutras, let the A&P study go for awhile, quit worrying about this ligament or that muscle...and reposition myself mentally.

Depsite a firm beleif that my Hypo T meds are off, thus the most obvious reason for my lack of stability, emotional and otherwise...I think there is something else lurking in the darkness.

I need to move. WHile a bit bored at work, waiting for this or that wash, incubation, spin, etc I wrote down my life history, in the the terms of where have I lived since birth....okay here is the list and I am not joking...

Boston (in utero, but not counting cuz I have no memory of it, and may not be true anyway, but my dad always talks about living on Beacon Hill)
Marlboro, MA
Sudbury, MA
Southboro, MA
Northfield, MA
Bernardston, MA
Shelburne Falls, MA
Bernardston, MA again
Greenfield, MA
Southboro, MA again
Montreal, PQ
Ft. Collins, CO
Boston area, MA (Medford)
Boston area (JP, 2 different flats)
Newton
Williamsburg, Brooklyn, NY
Boston area, JP again
Boston area, Mission Hill
Boston area, Roxbury; aka the hood
Auckland, Waiheke Island, this would be New Zealand, obviously
Auckland, Grey Lynn
Auckland, Waterview

So, I think settling down anywhere is going to pass over me in this life. I actually hate moving, but the upshot of this is that I really could care less about things like furniture....because the more you have the more you gotta move. Did not count Mysore of course, but the current plan is to spend upwards of 4 months next time....and who knows after that....

I am getting antsy again. Clearly having a life like this means that I have not ever really been grounded...big surprise. ANd have few long term friends....the ones I have I love to death, of course.

I am not altogther sure where to go next....Auckland is where we will be for the next year or so....but I think we will probably move again at least once, cuz I am not really like our current crib. Maybe we will go back to Waiheke.....is soooo tempting.

I had a killer practice today....it was excellent. Probably has something to do with the two ibu's I popped before headin' out the door, bad girl, but who cares...cannot be good all the time. I knew I was spot on today after the first salute.....so much better than the past two totally sucky days.

C and I have a date with the camera this weekend....goin north to stay at a friends bache, will drag out the mat and shoot off a few pix...hopefully they will be okay. Will be interesting to compare with those we took last year....a few posted below....

(**There are two poses that we do in the primary that are outside of trad....supta trivikramasana and a splithandstand series after Prasarita Pad. C)

Well despite good intention, there were no photos taken this weekend...batteries gone. We had one of those get-out-of-the-house days when we just simply forgot everything....oh well.

We stayed up north a ways in Pukapuka...a little cottage on a friends land....lovely wood stove, gorgeous sunshine....listened to the Tuis by day and the Ruru birds by night....

More or less lounged away the hours until it was time to head home....very relaxing.

My practices over the past few days have been solid, but nothing new really, no break thrus.

I have decided that working on developing more core strength is what is in order....so my little plan is to work my handstands-going up and coming down. After doing all the backbendy stuff, like tictacs, dropovers, scorpian....and doing them the "usual" way...I am going hard out on the lift to handstand....one day hopefully I will be able to incorporate this approach to these backbendy sequences, but for now...one thing at a time.

Let me start by saying that this used to be on my Totally Impossible list. It is incredibly hard, like nearly impossible. But I can see now that it is not completely and utterly out of the question, but more a matter of time, focus, strength. SO where I am at the moment is attemping to lift up....I can get my feet up off the ground a good 4-6 inches....even moving in the upward direction, so I understand the "floaty" thing that happens if you get your hips high up over the shoulders and go forward over the wrists...but then I "stall"...if I bend my knees I can continue on up to full handstand...but not with my legs straight. Once I get up there I have another little hurdle...coming down. SO far what I can do is slowly and with quite a bit of control surprisingly lower the legs down (straight) even stopping at the half way point for a bit, and then plunck my feet down in between my hands....but what I have not been able to do is go all the way thru the hands to a seated position. Now...this is clearly "off the record" in terms of ashtanga....but I think it is good for building strength and control....I am hoping that by doing all this work I will one day be able to do the dreaded KV...now I know the work is different there...but the "control" is much the same (or so it feels to me).

In terms of KV and progess...heh, nil. But on the intellectual side of it I think I am coming around, understanding it more and more...which is a good first step. SHarath's demo of it is really quite good...in that he folds his feet into his abs as much as possible before shifting his shoulders and chest....I think this is what I have to work on.... Kiran made a comment about this as well (thanx!)....

ON none yoga items...C and I have been enjoying "John Safran vs God" on Tues nights here in our fair city (check this out too). The new Rhombus album is due to come out this month so hopefully they will be touring their asses around for some good digs.

The All Blacks beat the Wallabies over the weekend...ya suckers! FOr those of you that are unfamilar with the team names...well the Wallabies (aka Wallapussies) are from that yellow country just a hop skip and jump from here. I missed the game as we were in no TV land, and we forgot to tape it (I am crushed)....although I did see the highlights...Rokocoko was like dynamite ....and then there is my heart throb (and currently the only reason I watch rugby other than Dougie Howlett), number 10 jersey, Daniel Carter escorted off the field....calf injury...OMG.

In car spotting news....split windshield two-tone Rolls Royce on the weekend, convertable red Ferrari, and black lambo...I think a diablo.

There was nothing particularly unusual for me this morning except that both my kids slept through the night without waking...this mean that I slept through the night as well...highly unusual. So when the alarm went off I was totally surprised....I actually was asleep from 11pm til 5am...without getting up once! That, my friends is truly amazing.

But....this added sleep did nothing for my asana practice...I was heavy and sort of felt "surprised" throughout my time on the mat....mostly surprised at how little I was capable of doing today....and for no particular reason. I had no balance what-so-ever...so all my handstands sucked. Backbends were really good. I felt very open and extended ...the main issue for me....and my teacher gave me a loveley adjustment in kapotasana...just exactly where I needed it....get the kink out of the lumbar area...stretch it out. The other really great adjustment was in assisted dropbacks before chakra Bandhasana...my teacher who is a bit taller then me but not much and quite slender and light gave the firmest adjustment by actually dropping down with me, counterbalancing my weight with hers...it was soooo good, and something I definitely need to get the hang of....I really stuggle with people when I help them with this because I do not have the weight to counterbalance, in the usual way.

I worked my handstands again, but was not nearly as successful as yesterday....oh well, need more strength...and that is only going to happen one way....practice.

Hips were tight....but I tried a new way of getting into the leg-behind-the-head poses....instead of trying to wiggle the leg over the neck and looking down, I tried to look up and away from the foot....like up and underneath the leg....this worked wonders on gettig the leg situtated behind the shoulder. I still feel like there is a huge amount of pressure on my lower back though....

The one firm voice I heard during KV from my teacher was "bring the ribs in"....easier said than done with my wet noodle back.

So I got to relief teach a Mysore class on Sat am....the weirdest part was listening to Myself lead the opening chant....okay I was nervous....I was hoping my voice would not crack....which thankfully it did not....it is a very insecure place for me...this voice business....I am getting used to the "talk thru" classes...but chanting..okay whole other thing....more personal I guess. There were 16 students that passed through...so I was busy. Lots of legs to hold, arms to push down.....a few backbends a few second series adjustments. The Sat am class is actually 2 2hours sections...so students can arrive and start anytime between 8 and well 11am...to finish by 12. I taught the first section...so the next teacher walked into a room of backbends basically and thensome newbies that were starting up with her (including me, as I practiced after teaching)....

The experience was good. I am not entirely sure how to ask for feedback...I suppose it will find me one way or another. Getting to know the students seems to be key for me right now. I guess what I hope is that as students become more comfortable with me, they will feel at ease with giving me feedback. It is an interesting position for me to be in...on the one hand I need to be a confident presence in the room, on the other I am still learning so much....

Anyway, I start my own Mysore style class 6am and talk thru 12pm class next Friday the 2nd. These will be my training classes for the next year. It has also been just over a year now that I have been assisting in Mysore and talk-thru classes....so the time is going by. My main teacher is also back next week....which I am thrilled about.

My own practice these past few days have been really good. I think I have come out of my slump a bit....okay, the weather has been better....could I be that superficial? Eka Pada was particularly open today and did not cause me to go insanely crazy...which happens from time to time....I have been doing it with a new trick...looking up towards my foot as I place it behind my head...works wonders to get the leg over the shoulder....then it just stays there, all the way forward, back up and even when i go to lift up, bringing the exntended leg up to the vertical before swinging thru and jumping back. The little KV tip of the day is to try keeping my ribs in....easier said than done...but this does make sense especially if I am trying to fold the legs down as much as possible first before bringing the knees/shines to the arms.

I have some exercises from the physio to help me sort out my lumbar area issues....cool.

I am hanging out with the beau this evening for a bit hitting up a few openings....including one that has the mag that his work is being published in (Ramp Magazine). Then I am off to teach a talk thru class (relief again). It is so much fun...hard to believe it is "work".

Tomorrow night we have a night out...sans children...and have a babysitter coming. I owe Craig a huge amount for all the support he has been giving....darling that he is. I tried to get him to come to my class tonight...but alas he is just not yet ready.

Huxley and Conrad were the dinner chef's last week...for some zah...and proud of it!

And I was a "parent helper" for the Room 6 trip to ALbert Park and the Auckland Art Gallery last Friday....I cannot beleive I am going on field trips with my own kids! This is just a shot of H exploring these crazy non-native, yet gorgeous trees in the park.

SO this morning I was tired....got home after teaching a few minutes passed nine...then had to get kids to bed (eek, late) and then bring myself down a few notches....I tend to get a bit fired up after teaching. SO I knew it was going to be tough....but I did drag myself out of bed listening to the pouring raindrops outside....cuppa, and started to wake up a bit.

I more or less decided it was my primary day....so I went in with very focused attention. Starting was slow and creeky....the lightness I envision myslef having at times, vaporized. But having decided that primary was ahead of me I lost myself in the breath, let go and just created a steady pace that seemed to be working for me...I sweat so much more when I do the primary series, it is strange, because the glands do not seem to let loose until paschimottanasana....by my 15th breath I am covered. I cannot say I like purvottanasana....nope, just cannot say I LIKE it....it "gets" me....my shoulders feel incredibly assymetric, and the extension in the biceps sort of burns...not sure that makes sense....

Anyway, after that things chilled out for the rest of the seated poses...I actually miss them...if I had more time I would do primary and second every day.....but hit 8am and it is mad dash home to get kids off to school and then go to work. The Mari twists are interesting these days....not coming so easily as they used to.....or I should say geting into them is not as easy...I actually feel that I move more once I am there in a proper twist.....but they feel different than the twists in second by a long shot....and these twists come after heaps of forward bends whereas the two twists half way through second come after heaps of backbends (except for pasasana of course).

I worked on my Navasana handstand and the teacher gave me some great help....basically I am still stuck lifting up into handstand...by having to bend my knees instead of keeping them straight....coming down I lowered with legs straight and had some help getting my feet through my hands....help being some aid at the hips....but I think I know what I need to do...."bend more";ie bring the legs closer to the abdommen in deep forward bend and then pivot at the shoulders to bring feet through....as for lifting up from a seated position well, that'll be when hell freezes over (currently resident on Impossible List)....I lift the feet up and through, and plunk them down on the mat, then lift from there into handstand.

Moved swiftly though the rest of primary....lovely adjustment (squashment) in Baddha K...miss that too. And then quick backbends to finish....hurry up and rest, and then fly out the door for home.

So all in all a goodie of a practice.

The husband and I went to a lovely dinner last night sans children....wow it is so strange to not hear them gurgling away as the moon creeps into the sky....can you tell, we rarely get out?

Dinner was started with a yummy pumkin/lentil soup to be followed by roasted chickens for those odd-ball meat-eaters, roasted veggies - kumura, parsnip, potats, carrots, capsicums, and get this....single clove garlic - designer food....I actually did not have one so as to not repulse all my yogi friends in practice. Warmed cabbage and feta as well. Dessert was steamed pudding (semolina, cardomon, sucre...plus "jazz" apples and jam, covered in custard)....and this was at 11pm...so, needless to say on that full tummy and still chatting after midnight at home....practice was gone.

Company was quite lively....all artists or curators, except me of course....ironically though I was pulled away by one of the hosts to discuss....."super-cars"...turns out he has a collection of vintage cares...including an old ferari coup....like late 60's I think, plus perhaps one of the first porshe 911.....now I am so behind in understanding cars....as this is quite a recent facination....but it was so cool to be rapping about these cars....with this particular person.... interestingly he has some apples coming out soon that are another apple cross...i'll let you know when they come out.

Plus after ONE glass of wine....just one, and I had some other non-alcoholic liquid as well....I awoke with a kicker headache...sometimes I think I was better off being "TOXIC GIRL" so that at least I did not notice a measley glass.

But, hence the lunch-time led class.....salutes, standing, and up to Janu A with a fast finish....nice and calm, relaxed. I take my own class at lunchtime starting next week so it was also good to sit in and listen to the class structure, which is different than the usual 1.5 hr class. I am assisting tonight at 7pm Beg Led.

All in all good....

Moving consciousness. I have been particularly aware of my feet lately….the energy in my feet….how the toes feel on the mat…whether I am centred properly over my foundation when I am standing….or in standing poses I should say. The inside edge and the outside edge….which side is drawing up and which is pushing down….how this energy affects the rest of the leg….

I forget how important these poses are….how they do truly stand alone, how they prepare you for the series to come…how you “know� yourself for the day just by going through these asanas. How hard they are. These poses are grounded, yet they require so much lightness in the body, lack of tension, release.

I like being upside down…I like how the energy in the feet goes upward to the sky…..how the legs can move so freely.

I had a decent practice this morning….a really good one. I felt heavy to start but that seemed to disappear mostly, although I was sort of slow in my transitions from one asana to the next….but then maybe that is just today, nothing to worry about. It was the last Friday Mysore with E….cuz I start taking it next week! So there was a sense of bittersweetness for me….it is my favourite class….but now instead of participating as a student, practicing alongside everyone….now I will be participating in a very different way with the people in the room. I do certainly feel honoured. But I am alittle nervous to say the least.

Over the weekend I spent 16 hours with 4 other people in a First Aid for the Workplace Course. Despite dreading the time away, I am relieved that I sat the course. I feel much more confident and was deemed competent as well. But I have to say, if I was faced with a number of the scenerios we had to deal with in real life I am not sure that I would be able to REMAIN CALM....hopefully I would.

This course happened to coincide with Ladies Days as we call them so no yoga. I did do a short practice yesterday afternoon and tried to vid clip my handstand progress....it has been informative. I tried to upload, but am proabbly doing something wrong or perhaps the clips are too big....who knows. Anyway, what I learned is that I definitely need to go more forward over my arms and this should let me feet come up with the legs straight. Now it "looks" like this should be easy....but let me tell ya...it ain't.

So this morning I got up to go to yoga, but had a rather enormous...well...fight with C...like huge one. Where things go flying.....now I have to say I did choose to pick up plasitc items to throw, not glass or porcelin....and I was not throwing them at him, just throwing them.....I was more or less burning at the ears, I was so mad. So after calming down a bit.....we more or less were able to discuss the issues without screaming at the top of our lungs at each other. The kids did not wake, thankfully....but I really hate it when our fights escalate to such difficult places....in the end we both feel totally rotten, emotinally drained, and useful for nothing. But this is life sometimes. I have to say, as much as I would like to say I am cool and collected, able to cope with whatever comes my way....I am just not. I am volatile...not out of my mind, not violent, but volatile and I express it.

Nearly the start of Septembre….my favorite month.

Spring is dazzling us here…lovely new flowers to coat the day in colour and scent. Awaken the grey hearts with the song of birds in a nearby tree. The sun peeks above the wanting horizon and glares down inviting the morning air. So why is the sadness still present? Where is the fever? The life within the stilled blood?

I move. I watch and listen, but perhaps I do not see, do not hear. Is this blindness, this deafness within my control? Am I just too stubborn?

I feel the earth, the security it provides, the roots. I breath and taste the purity within myself and the impurity….the desire, the ego, the despair.

H was home sick yesterday...not really really sick, but not well...so I stayed at home with him....no need to twist my arm, it was a gorgeous day. After dropping C off at creche, we hit Harvest supermarket for some goodies, and then headed next door for a coffee and juice....enjoyed the sun....hard to beleive it is still "winter".

Once at home we decided to take up the camera and have some fun with my new gummies....this is what every New Zealander has...I swear to god....these and a black singlet (yikes). SO H took control of the camera to show them off....

What every Girl Dreams of...

Flowers and Gum boots

Closeup

Behind the Scenes

And they can climb trees too!

Laundry and Gummies

Mum, do some yoga.....