Ashtanga Traveler

....like "Holy smokes! I cannot believe I just did that...did I just do that? Right, try it again....OMG I did do it, and now I have done it twice."

My little conversation to myself after lifting up to handstand with legs together and straight....I even nearly tapped the guy next to me to say...did you see that? But hey this is "non-ego" yoga girlie, right. But believe me I envisioned serieous cheerleading action in the backrow...wow.....no longer on the Impossible List.

Anyway, it took quite awhile coming down from that expereince........I was more or less in la-la land for another hour or so.....still thinking...did I really do that?

Now, in general, daylight savings is good.....there is more light hours at the end of the day....the sun does not creep in through the windows before 6am (to wake the monsters).....generally good.....the bad thing, of course, is getting used to it....especially when you already get up at 5am in the morning....it just plain sucks. You will only hear me complain about the "spring ahead" daylight saving however.....I LOVE the "fall back". Sleep is just so sweet.

Anyway, I have been busy....life busy, yoga busy...head if full but peaceful, body feels free, no major aches and pains......

Over the weekend I had the first of three weekend modules (4 hours each day) on a Teaching Skills Workshop for my yoga apprenticeship. It was fantastic.....so much information, so much support, excellent feedback and working environment. In addition, to those 8 hours I had my own practice on Sat am, a teachers mtg for 1.5 hours and 2 hours of practicum time with my teacher.....so I was literally at the yoga school from 6:30am to 5pm...not joking.....at one point during the day I realised that I was so focused on what I was doing I had completely forgotten about my outside life...meaning kids, husband...etc.....it was a bittersweet feeling really....hard to explain.

On Sunday I just had the 4 hour training session....no practice as it is my regular rest day. But it was for the first time that I actually got to hear about my teaching skills from the students that I have been adjusting over the past year....what they think of my presence, my sensitivity, my touch, verbal clarity, etc. Then last night (Monday) I taught a beg. led class.....the amazing thing was I felt so strong and confident (although not overly so) as a result of the weekend workshop...empowered by what I had absorbed and was able to pass over to the students in my class without getting totally stressed out. I am not at all sure what the class thought, as most people were quite zoned out when they left (class ends at 8:30pm...so it is a late one).....but hopefully they were all able to take alittle bit of the tranquility of the room energy with them....Teaching is just awesome. I love it.

Yesterday I practiced at home....little maintenance practice up to MariD, slow, secure. This morning I had a great practice....wonderful....abit shakey, esp in KV, in fact I nearly took out the person next to me twice....AND they were new to the school....shit. But it was probably not as bad as I might think it was, I did not actually land on their mat or anything....just a ball of flailing arms and legs landing in a giant heap is all. I am happy to report that the handstand lift was not a hoax....in fact, I was able to add the straight leg version into two of my normal handstands drop overs and the final scorpion. It really is an amazing feeling to have so much control...really weird. In someways doing the entry into handstand this way sets the entire body up to feel as if it is suspended from the ceiling....with hands actively reaching for the ground, instead of feeling like the whole body is earthed pressing hard down into the mat.....so anyway, it was cool. The other thing is that lifting up with straight legs is actually not that different than doing it with bent knees....a bit more forward, and quicker shift with the hips over the shoulders, more ab and back strength though.

But I was caught out with slack-ass headstand today......left tricep not engaged and rolling in, at least not as much as the right....so what is the deal with my headstand anyway. Okay...I have been able to do headstand....well always...I do not even remember learning how to do them....must have been back in the darkages of childhood. So I can balance for a very long time.....but that does not necessarily mean I am doing them properly....oh no. What i generally do is go up into headstand and hold for like 5 breaths, lift my head off the ground in a forearm balance for like 10-15 breaths, lower again, so just the top of the head is barely touching for another10-15 breaths....okay maybe I am exaggerating a little...more 5-10 breaths instead of 10-15....but you get the picture.....now when I had lowered back down this morning my teacher came by and asked me if my left tricep was rolling in....she said she could indeed see that the right one was cuz of my tatoo there....but on the left side it was hard for her to tell (she suggested I get another tat in the underside of the arm to help her out.....good idea, I thought) ...anyway, I immediatley sensed the imbalance in both sides...in fact....I know that I am out of wack cuz my right armcircumferance is significantly Bigger than my left...just going to measure them.....left 22.6cm, rt 24cm (pretty spindally I know)...seems like I need to do something about that.....cuz I am turning into a craw fish...will soon have one giant claw...okay, so the left arm is not as strong....therefore, how can I work it more....well for sure, one thing I can do is do my headstand properly...so that I support my weight evenly with both arms/shoulders....good spotting teach!

The rest of the week is also pretty full on...I am relieving for two of the teachers over the weekend....so that is heaps of classes...will be good dive into the deep end....something like 7 in four days, both Mysore and Led. Feels good to be doing it....like really Teaching....wow, when did that happen?

I might just go and scan that magazine image....and poste it here later today. I am sort of feeling okay about doing that now....

okay...not the best at scanning....this is a quick do-up...

Kapotasana

Dwi Pada Sirsasana

These pix and the story came out about 5 months ago in a local Auckland Magazine, Metro. I have to say, just for the record, I sort of felt like a sports car......

Not much to say really but I have had such a great practice week......I should proabably knock on wood.

My KV attempt was quite lame this am. On my first attempt I slipped off my arms coming down, and on the second attempt with my teacher standing by I seriously lost my balance before even heading down...of well. But what I will say when I was holding the pose, is that i noticed that I felt a lot more lift when I squeezed my arms together just a bit, and that seemed to help me push down when I went to lift up (with my teachers help of course).

My hips have been really open this week, so Eka Pada and Dwi Pada have not beeen the least bit miserable. I am still focussing hard on getting the length in the lower back while in these poses.....so that there is not long term issue with the leg pressure.....part of the way to alleviate that probelm is to really get the calf out of the way going in to Eka Pada....easier for me alone on the right side....on the left side, have the teach standing by makes a huge difference.

The handstand control thing is just simply amazing.

And at the suggestion of JMS on the EZ-board site, I am going to bite the bullet and get Uth Plutihih up to scratch.....so today was 30 breaths.....and apparently I should be shooting for at least 100!...UGH!

I am teaching the next three morning Mysore classes, so I will be practincing on my own before hand....hopefully I will be able to kep up the motivation and energy.

Just booked our accomodation for 8 days in Gisborne over NY's.....so that means a nice solid week with Peter Sanson down in Gisborne! Cannot wait.

I set the alarm for 4am (to practice before teaching the 6am Mysore), and then when 4am came around I groaned quickly decided I could practice after the lunchtime led class, my husband groaned as well and then said something like you f-cking woke me up, but I reset it for 5am anyway....it turns out I should have just gotten up because I had Yoga Teaching dream from hell!

In this dream I double booked myself for teaching...when I realized my mistake I tried to ring the place I was not at but was supposed to be at, but none of the phones were working, and I could not remember the number...looked for the dirctory, could not find that either...and then tried to ring the operator for information...no luck again...at this point the women who ran the yoga space where I was starting yelling at me to get in and start teaching without listening to me one bit about the fact that I needed to clear up the other teaching appointment....at which point I started to think and stress about my kids...and could not remember where I put them either.....christ, stressful or what. I finally woke up, just before 5am, so the alarm di dnot have to go off AGAIN...and got ready to go and teach....great headspace to be in, let me tell you....

So basically what you have hear is one stressed out "yoga" teacher...great.

Anyway, the class went okay, not great. Alot happening all at once, then lots of down time....couldn't the students just time their practices so that I could help each one of them when they need it! Oh well, I will get it someday, all with practice and expereince.

After teaching I went home, grabbed the kids and a cuppa and hit the road to drop them off at their various spots for the day, then head to work....hung around there for a coupla of hours, went back to do the lunch class...also "okay" not great, hmmph. Then did a real quicky myself....head back to work for another few hours...then get kids, drop them at home, kiss husband and say lots of lovely things to him, jump back in the car to teach another led class at 5:30...that has yet to happen at this stage, as I am still at work, just about to go get kids.

I am not exactly sure where I left my head today, but I have not lost my keys yet, and the car has started each time I have hopped into it. No one hasinjured themself. I had a shower (thank god). Just had a coffee, double thank god.

Tomorrow I have two Mysore classes to teach, one is a relief and the other is my practicum contact class...so that means I teach it, but my teacher is there helping me and keeping an eye out on how I run the class. I find the class really informative, and my teacher gives good solid feedback in a very effective way.

So then Sunday I have two more classes, also relief.

I think my husband might go crazy with the children, but I am trying to talk him into looking at this weekend (and last) as some good bonding time for him and the boys.....although I think he is more into the idea of "de-bonding" at this point.

I had a lovely dream about Guruji last night. It was actually kind of funny. He was doing a workshop like in California or something. He had A LOT of hair…like heaps of it, sort of styled abit like, well Elvis, but it was a soft brown…..and he was thinner than I remember, wearing a white singlet, and long white short/pants….the workshop was taking place in a strange venue and mats were edge to edge….in fact I got booted from like 3 different spots (the old mat drama)….everyone there wanting to be close to Guruji. But the weirdest thing happened….before practice started he was conversing with an organizer about moving the class to this amazing natural stage out in the middle of no where made of stone….like a giant open cave…surrounded by green fields….but no roads or houses etc. the idea was going to involve having film and photo coverage including ariel shots, but what Guruji was worried about was whether there would be enough room for everyone to do supta pandangustasana (to the side, not that that does not stop the students from packing themselves like sardines in Mysore...with the oh so friendly foot in the face)…so he was asking people what they thought and showing the photo of the location.

Strange, but so lovely.

Much better than the yoga teacher from hell dream last week!

Teaching really really got in the way of my own practice these past few days...a very good lesson I think. Each morning from Fri to Sun I taught the Mysore class (2 on Sat, second one assist)....so I had only short self-practices on Fri and Sat. Sunday I generally take as my rest day....I was so totally exhausted after so much teaching....incredible insight....how do they (meaning all the amazing yoga teachers of the world) do it!

The time passes by very quickly, no doubt....but I think the exhaustion comes from the constant high level of awarenss required.....which is different to that level of awareness when you are on the mat yourself....or is it? It brings me to the question of how much of the tiredness that I expereince is really just the focus...then mental attention....verses the physical, with regards to my own practice. There are also some other issuses that i have to face up to with regards to being "the teacher"....owning that, being responsible for that and also having an ability to deal with things that come up which I might prefer to pass onto my own teachers.....but I cannot really do that, not always...I mean it would not be approrpriate now would it.

It is another process of discovery really. AMazing, but not always totally smooth.

...and it is so fantastic.....family from America! The boys are thrilled. They keep asking my cousin if she is a big kid or and adult...she is 24.....her answer, big kid......

The day is gorgeous, hot sun and soft wind....smell of fresh cut grass lingering just above the ground....vibrance of new blossom.

After recovering from my zillions of yoga classes over the weekend, I have a very new found respect for this entire process...the focus and awareness is truly amazing...the gift, incredible. I seriously do not know how the Guruji's do it day after day....so many arms and legs, a sea...so many hours...so much energy.

Practices for the past two days have been alittle shakey, not too sure why. Maybe it is just the downswing after the weekend. The leg behind the head poses are coming along, finally......I have a sense of security when in them, versus totally dread. Back bending is all good, handstands same.

I am at peace with my practice right now, it feels stable, the foundation to my day....and that is so sweet.

Along the west coast for a lovely spring day......

Anyone feel like sending this guy a postcard from your part of the world.....

He is doing a project at his creche....leave your email in the comments section below and I will send you the details!

Cheers!

Is there such a thing? I more or less feel like I am tied up in a gigantic knot, find it very difficult to breath.....heel preesed into the gut like mad, spine twisting so much it feels like the head might just spin ....off. Phew....

I had 4 DAYS OFF....this is a little nutz. Usual rest day and then Ladies...and I felt well, totally crappy. The weird thing was that at night I could not keep still, my joints were just screaming to be moved around..stretched and compressed.....muscles twitching....not good for trying to fall asleep. And I definitely needed the sleep.

So today I went through the primary series, and at a snail's pace no less, long breaths, long holds, conscious through out. It felt good to finally move again. The class was slight this morning, not sure why.

Before I left the house I went in to give my boys a kiss in the dark...and there was Conrad with his eye's sparkling up at me. It was an amazing way to start my day with that innocent greeting. I am sure he drifted straight back to sleep....otherwise I would have heard about it later.

SO this is a first....my first yogo paycheck...quite frankly it seems weird. But at the same time it is an exact point...a transition for me.....something else to perhaps help me make my "practical" way through....something to think about.

I also got up at 4:15 to practice before teaching the 6am Mysore class.....the strange realization was that I had been up for 6 hours already when on my way to my real-job.....

So the highlights of this past week....well Huxley lost his first tooth! So cool....and then the Tooth Fairy...which C tried to turn into a "Tooth Chipmunk"...came leaving yellow footprints all around the house....so now we have a "Christmas Octopus" and a "Tooth Chipmunk".......

We went to a totally mad wedding down in Chirstchurch.....the ceremony....(actually it was a "civil union" not a marriage) took place on the Littleton Steam tug in the Harbor....the bride and groom dressed up like a king and queen, for real....and the rest of us ate yummy food, drank some champers, and enjoyed the lovely views. We spent three days down in the South Island....without the boys....never happened before...stayed up til like 3am each night....crazy, I know.

After the reception, I ended up on drunk teeneager watch....looking after those littel ones that had just a bit too much. I did feel it was my duty.....you know for all the times I was "looked" after.

Practice was a no go. So since I have been back it has been a serious slog....today I did my second series practice....and it is so hard...I mean when you take a wee break and then come back to it (I did primary last week, not second)....it is really tough, hard....but, having said that I had my best go at KV ever....so perhaps the strength in primary is doing some good.

Connie mail updates.....first post-card from Mysore!!!!! From Road to Mysore....Thanx J.

All good....weather is gorgeous....need the sunshine. Radishes are growing in the garden, tomats just poking through. I cannot take any credit for the growing thing though...all the boys....I know I should like gardening but actually I find it rather difficult to get into.

and yet when the words fall out of my mouth or mind....well, it is more like the hair of the dog....

Yesterday....old. Today perhaps one day shy of yesterday....so a bit younger.

Questions to contemplate...questions of myself that have found their way to the mat...causing distraction, but this is not necessarily a bad distraction, more is what it is.

And what is thay?

Struggle.

Long weekend ahead.

The weekend was very busy....I had my usual very long Friday...at the shala at 4:15am for my own practice, then 6-8am mysore class to teach....By 8pm I was a tired heap....

Caught a bus to the yoga school on Sat am to teach the 8-10am Mysore.....cuz the car died, lovely.......practiced after that very weak and crappy, then had a 4 hour teaching skills workshop.....got picked up by C...who was not too pleased that I was a bit late getting out of there....he had the car idling for like 15 minutes....then it died again....I am still not sure why he did not try to figure out what was wrong with it BEFORE coming to get me....but anyway I think that goes into the category of differences between men and women.....or perhaps I should qualify THAT by saying this woman and that Man....(sometimes child comes to mind instead of man, but whatever.....:) Got a jump and headed home.....

But the car died yet again at a red light on the way home....this is also my fault.....just cuz I am there....but in the end he goes off to get a new battery, while I hang out by the car.....not sure it is the battery or the alternator or the stars, but the new battery gets us home anyway...the boys are already over at a friend's place cuz C and I were headed out for a gig....of course all I am thinking at this point is he is the LAST person I want to go and spent a night out dancing with......

But we got over all that.....I think the champers helped a bit admittedly....

Caught up with a few of the opening gigs, all part of the DUB Conspiracy..... as usual Salmonella Dub was on fire. One of the interesting things about the evening was that it is the first time we have been out at this venue since the no smoking law has been in place.....now you might think that would mean "No Smoking"....but actually what it means is "No SMoking Tobacco"..... but smoke as much reefer as you want...so there were glorious huge smoke clouds of the kindest MJ....it is good in this country, I have to say.....rollies passed up to the band on stage etc etc......amusing.

The cooler thing about this gig which was a delight really was the crowd was quite chill....no horrible "grope everyone around" crap that has occurred in the past....in fact the sardines around me were really relaxed and just having fun.......all good.

Music was great, but my ears were ringing all of Sunday. My feet hurt from pounding the floor again and again....in heels of course, because I am never the practical girl. Home at about 2:30am....but the kids were at a sleep over...and of course Sunday is an asana rest day.....but I did still have the workshop in the afternoon.

Sunday was a bit of a slow start.....no kids and late night....equals slow. It is a bit weird being in the house without the little monsters.....so quiet....well except for the lawn mowers and weed eaters that are chomping at the bit in the neighboorhood by 8:30am.....so off they go by 9am.

The workshop was great....despite the background ringing in my ears....I feel very motivated and enthused. I do not like conflict and confrontation.....and that is of course what I was working on as my task for the day....so my heart was racing heaps....at one point when we were discussing how to deal with a "stroppy student", my teacher suggested trying out different styles to try and break through to them....I went with the comfortable one for me...stern mother approach....my teacher suggested perhaps another way to deal with someone....using humour and wit....of course I then had to pipe in and say "but I am an American, how am I supposed to do that?".

The alone-ness cloud has been hovering over my head, veiling my eyes....am I too much in my own head now....is that where I am? Have I lost my compassion? Or is it just a choice that I am making about whether I can or cannot understand something about someone else?

I am rather stubborn, it is true. I can be cold and icey.....in the past I have found that to be a sign of strength...that was "in my youth"..... I realize it is just a shield, but it is not a strong one, and certainly not an admirable one.

I have such a road ahead....sometimes the anticipation of the dangers and difficulties are enought to make me want to find my comfort cave......the sweetness and softness...the "it'll be alright"-ness.

Will it?

What drama....what negativity, what selfish-ness. Could someone please come and take the "take for granted" away......honestly, I need a window washer for my eyes.