...but I was alive

In the interest of making things easier and more affordable for Julie, who has so graciously hosted so many ashtangi.net sites for so long, I've moved over to Wordpress.

You can now find me at http://butiwasalive.wordpress.com

Posted by Andrea at 9:04 AM | Permalink

I'm working from home today. We're in the middle of a move at work that has rendered me workspace-less for the next two days. So, I lugged my files home last night, and am currently nestled at the table in my living room, drinking coffee (I had to spend awhile talking myself out of walking down the block to the cutest little cafe and picking up a latte), listening to radio and pouring over work email.

I love working from home. Love. Some people say that they aren't very productive when working from home. For me it's the opposite. I actually get more done from home, because it takes away the social element. At the office I tend to chat. Can't do that at home unless I chat with the cat. But he generally doesn't respond, making it a fairly dull conversation. Basically, I like having my independence. See what happens: you send a kid to Montessori for seven years and she loses the ability to work in a structured environment for the rest of her life!

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I had another incredible practice on Sunday and again yesterday. I don't know what it is lately, but the at-home practices that I'd previously tagged as "boring" have now become super-concentrated and flowing. I think this has a lot to do with acceptance. When I was practising at home during grad school, I was thinking, 'This is only temporary. I can't wait until I'm back in a real studio.' Now my thought process is more along the lines of, 'It could be this way forever. I need to be okay with that and make the best of it.' And that seems to be working.

I find it so funny/interesting how critical we are of ourselves in practice. I've stopped getting frustrated about my regression, because I realize that I took a year off from regular practice and therefore can't hold myself to the same standards I used to. But I still find myself thinking, 'You haven't really come that far. Yoga hasn't changed you that much.' Right. Okay. Except for the much healthier lifestyle, the calmer mindscape, the increased flexibility and the strength. The strength is one that always surprises me. Now: I'm strong. Then: for the first three months or so of practice I had to swallow my pride and come down onto my knees in chaturanga because I had zero upper body strength.

Even if I have regressed physically, I think I've developed mentally, and regardless of how far I am in any given series, this practice makes me feel strong and proud of myself and my body and what it's capable of, and I think that's really something.

Posted by Andrea at 8:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Mostly because it allows me the freedom to do things like, oh, I dunno, eat last night's dessert for breakfast without getting in trouble.

Rationalization: it's oats with two kinds of fruit, so it's pretty much the same thing as breakfast cereal, only made from scratch and therefore healthier. Sugar is healthy, right? No?

Oh.

Posted by Andrea at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm sitting here in the living room, looking out onto bare branches and grey skies, just waiting for the room to heat up enough (God bless our fireplace) for me to practice without having to wear a long sleeved shirt and socks. The hot apple cider I'm drinking helps too.

Yes, it's a moonday. No, I don't care, not today. I just want to practise.

The original plan was to go to a hot yoga class for the moonday, but that doesn't start until 10 and I knew I wouldn't get out of there until twelve. That would have left me exactly five hours in which to come home, shower, go to the market, go to the liquor store, prepare a multi-course meal that I've never prepared before and have the kitchen turned back into an orderly, tidy place before The Guy's parents arrive for dinner at 5 (because we need to eat early so that a certain companion of mine is free to watch the Colts-Patriots game at 8).

Sure, this was all my idea. Sunday dinner seemed like a great idea, what with my latest domestic/nesting instincts and all. But then roast beef was suggested, and I agreed to make it despite the fact that (a) I don't eat it, and (b) I've never made it before. But it all seemed so traditional and lovely and family-centred, and since I'm a sucker for that shit, I couldn't resist.

I think practice today will probably be faily improvisational.

Cider has been drunk. Mat has been warmed. I'm off.

Posted by Andrea at 9:39 AM | Permalink

Practice after work yesterday was, well, to be completely honest, it was incredible!

Not incredible like I suddenly busted out full second series without ever trying before, or anything. No, that would be more along the lines of miraculous.

Incredible. Yes. After three days off for the LH I needed to be back on my mat. I thought about it all day. Got home. Chilled out for a little while. Unrolled the mat. And off I went. A's, B's, standing, seated...whoa, I'm at supta kurmasana already? How did that happen?

It felt light and effortless. It was so straightforward. No frills. Just simple and strong.

Usually what happens is that at some point during the janu sirsanas I start thinking, "Ugh, so much more to do and not enough energy." Maybe it was the three days off, but yesterday there was none of that. Did all the poses, even the one I hate more than...anything. I stopped at supta kurmasana, but I'm not sure why...could have kept going and finished out primary.

It was the first time in awhile that I didn't have any time constraints. Usually I have to leave work, rush home, roll out mat and practise before The Guy gets home (otherwise major distractions come into play). But, last night he was prepping for a trial and was at the office until about 10, so I had all the time in the world. Lovely.

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This is the first weekend in about six weeks that we have absolutely no plans! I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm trying to decide whether early November is too early to start shopping for Christmas decorations. Ohhhh...maybe a trip to the Saturday morning farmer's market would be nice. Yes, I think that would be swell.

Posted by Andrea at 9:37 AM | Permalink

On Sunday afternoon I was cold and bored and didn't feel like sitting on the couch and watching football with The Guy, so I decided to go take a class at the Moksha studio that is three short blocks from my house.

I've taken a few Moksha classes in the past, and while I've never really minded them, I've also never really found them to be anything really thrilling. I had such an amazing time on Sunday though. I loved it. I think it has a lot to do with having other people in the room. I've suddenly become a led-class slut....as in, I'll do anything to take a class with other people, wait, that still sounds sexualized and it's not supposed to....anyhow. I miss having the energy of other people. I'm thinking of *gasp* taking a couple Moksha classes a week. Blasphemous? Not to me. It's all yoga (it is, but that's not to say that I don't take issue with a number of things at Moksha, but I'm going to keep them to myself). And taking a couple classes a week with others motivates me to maintain my own practice at home.

My hamstring is feeling much better having taken Thursday, Friday and Saturday off from any practice. When those flare-ups occur, which isn't too often, they're very painful and, for me, the best cure is a few days of rest.

On that note, I've been thinking a lot about Ashtanga and injuries and how they're dealt with by Ashtangis. I have a lot of opinions on the topic, mostly surrounding the notions of attachment to the practice, physical progress and respecting the edge/what our bodies are telling us. But for the sake of peace and not starting any discussions that I know will only result in ruffled feathers and an agreement to disagree, I'm keeping these thoughts to myself.

Ladies' Holiday started four days early on Monday. It's been okay, thanks almost entirely to the medical marvel that is Ibuprofen (Motrin, I love you). I might practise after work today, it all depends on how I'm feeling. And can I just say that I hate having to wear business casual clothes during LH? All I want to do is put on some comfy yoga pants and not have to face the fact that I'm grossly bloated.

Our Halloween was uneventful. We carved a pumpkin, roasted the seeds and were warm and cozy in bed by 10 o'clock. It was the first time in years that my Halloween involved neither wigs, nor fake eyelashes, nor copious amounts of alcohol. I've never been so happy to be "boring." I'm loving my life.

Posted by Andrea at 9:41 AM | Permalink

I landed on my mat yesterday after work, tired and run down, but craving the practice.

First uttanasana: damn, my left hamstring insertion (the one that went snap) hurts, but maybe it will loosen up.

Fifth uttanasana: okay still hurts a lot. Actually hurts more than before. Engage quads more. It will loosen up.

Prasarita series: Engaging my quads as much as possible, but hamstring still screaming.

Parsvotanasana (2nd side): Sh*t sh*it sh*t.

Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (2nd side): F*ck f*ck f*ck.

I quit after standing. The thought of all the forward bending in seated made me cringe by this point.

The problem is this: ever since the first injury occurred, I've had quite severe pain whenever I need to sit for long periods of time. This usually occurred after long drives -- that was before I got a desk job. Now I have a desk job and have no choice but to sit for nearly eight hours a day. I suppose taking regular stretch breaks will help. And maybe it will come and go.

Last time it was this bad I nearly burst into tears in the middles of class. And when I explained the injury and the pain to the teacher then, he suggested taking a few days off to let it heal. Apparently I'm creating new, mini-tears in the tendon every time I practice. Great. I'm considering accupuncture, as I know this has worked for some other ashtangis.

I finished practising at about 6:15 last night...my hamstring was still throbbing by the time I went to bed at 10:45. And it's still aching right now. I guess this means class tonight isn't on the menu.

I'm so frustrated....that just as I'm getting back into my practice on a regular basis this happens. Oh well, I suppose it's all part of respecting your edge and not getting too attached....

Posted by Andrea at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)