...but I was alive

Okay, so I've kind of neglected updating lately, because (a) I haven't been home for more than 20 minutes at a time (other than to sleep) and (b)the longer I went without writing, the less inclined I was to write the lengthy post that would be needed. So I'm going to try to keep this one brief, as the three and a half hours of sleep I got last night weren't really very sufficient and I'm just about ready to keel over.
Anyhow, my weekend at home was a good one, but, as I've already said, tougher than I imagined. It put me back in a place that I had been a couple months ago, a place that I was trying desperately to move past, and going home made it hurt all over again. But it was also wonderful to be there. My mum said it was the best surprise of her life to see me standing in the foyer last Thursday evening. I spent Friday surprising my stepmum, dad and my little brother Jay (okay, not so little, in the two months since I last saw him he grew another inch...he's 5'8" now, almost as tall as me, and he's only 14). I went along with my dad to a meeting with our local MPP (Member of Provincial Parliament) regarding some of his business issues. This MPP has recently entered politics after a long career in journalism, so I was excited to meet with her, and she was increibly intelligent, articulate and well-versed. Friday night was dinner at the club as I'd hoped, and then home to sit with my mum, drink tea and chat about everything. Saturday I went to Toronto where I met up with my old roommate E and we went to the Clothing Show, which was a lot of fun. It was good to see her and to catch up...I can't believe it's now been over five years since we met in Paris...Anyhow, Saturday night I went out for dinner with my dad, stepmum and family friends to this new Italian resto in Stoney Creek, which is the most hardcore Italian neighbourhood in the Hamilton area...it was good, but it was funny to be in a place where there wasn't a single fair hair to be seen for miles around. I'm surprised they don't check your I.D. on the way in to make sure that your last name ends in a vowel! I'd planned to stay at my dad's that night, but my mum called and said she wanted me to come back to her house, because she'd been planning on making me blueberry pancakes....I can't turn that down, so back I went. I spent Sunday with my mum doing our usual Sunday stuff: shopping and open houses and a big, wonderfully homemade meal for dinner. What a lovely getaway for the weekend.
I came back to Montreal on Monday. It was a long drive. I had a lot on my mind. I couldn't seem to shake the anxiety, and once back in the city it remained...and I couldn't explain it. I barely slept on Monday night, because my heart was racing and my mind wouldn't stop...but somehow, with the routine of work on Tuesday, the smile that greeted me at the door in the morning, things got better almost immediately.
I went to J&E's level 2 that evening and was terribly frustrated that my tendon injury had reappeared. It was the first time ever that I went to a class and got all the way through and still by the end was thinking, "well, this was a huge waste of time." I was so frustrated with my body. It's hard to be humble with your practice. It's hard to repsect your edge, but I'm learning. E suggested that I, at the very least, take a few days off. It later occurred to me that when I first injured it, sitting for long periods of time caused major pain to my tendon, and that the 8 hours of driving on Monday surely hadn't been good for my injury. It seems I was right, as it appears to be on the mend.
Tuesday night I returned home to a houseful of incredible smells and Meg! Em,G, A, P, Meg and I had an incredible meal, talked and watched the Amazing Race finale. Meg's in town until at least sometime next week..we've been having way too much fun!
Wednesday night we (Meg, Em, Meg's mum Sue and I) went out to a new Mexican place for 2 for 1 veggie fajitas and $2.99 margaritas! Then we (Meg, Em and I) joined up with G, S, T, Z and K at Pistol...I managed to drag myself home by two (thankfully I had very little to drink) and avoided the temptation of Lodge.
Thursday was a good day at work (although I was getting impossibly tired!), and Meg taught a staff ashtanga class for about 10 staff members after we closed the store. I was really, really impressed by her class...I haven't had the opportunity to take class with her (she only started teaching after returning to MV this summer), and it was incredibly professional, yet very accessible to all levels. After class, what was supposed to be a little get together at Sue's hotel room (which is essentially an apartment)turned into an extravagant wine and cheese fest, replete with 80% cocoa chocolate fondue and all things good and wonderful. The usual crowd was there (Em, G, A, Meg, Sue and I), but then I and E popped by as well. It turned out that E had VIP passes for Tokyo (where I'd been hoping to go for a staff get together, but my plans had fallen through earlier in the evening). We got to Tokyo at about 1:15 last night and immediately R (from work) came up to me, grabbed me and dragged me over to see C (my boss)in an incredibly drunken state. It was a great night...only C, M and R were there from work, and there was much fun to be had! Eventually Meg, I, E, C and M all left, and I was left there with just R and his friends...about which I absolutely will not complain! Way too many drinks were bought for me, and by the end of the night (i.e. a little after 3 when they kicked us out) I was feeling pretty...icky, but happy! walked down St. Laurent with R, grabbed a cab, came home, literally fell into bed, content and dreading the 7:15 alarm!
This morning was understandably rough (yes, I know, it was self-inflicted and I'm not allowed to complain!)...for the first time ever I threw up from drinking too much...I don't throw up, I have a phobia...but sometimes these things can't be avoided. So unpleasant. And then I had to go to work at 8:15! By the time I finished my lunch though I was pretty much recovered. I had such a fun afternoon at work, laughing with C about last night's antics, among other things.
I came home after work with every intention of spending the night at home catching up on my life which seems to have gotten away from me in the past week or so, but then I got roped into dinner at Chao Phraya (my favourite Thai resto in the city) with Sue, Meg and G...G and I laughed uncontrollably for three and a half hours...I got home after ten thirty, sat with A and P for awhile watching tv, called Em and told her there was no way that I was going to make it to the party down by Parc Lafontaine...and now I'm writing this...ready for bed and looking forward to dim sum in the morning. Applefest 2, our now annual, incredible potluck is taking place here on Sunday. So between planning and cleaning for that and preparing for (i.e. planning my meals) the cleanse that I'm planing on doing next week I have a busy couple days ahead of me (albeit no work, YAY!). Sue told me tonight that I seem the happiest I've been in a long time. It's true. And while yes, it does have something to do with certain prospects in my life right now, it's not just that, it's knowing that where I am right now is where I fit. This city, these people, this job...it's right. One of the things that I thought a lot about while driving last weekend was that I am not very good with change...and that makes a lot of things tough. I don't want to leave this city in May to go to grad school...I'm not sure what to do..I have to go, I know I do, but what I've got right now, between work, friends, yoga, and..er...prospects...things are good. I'm smiling a lot. I'm laughing endlessly. Why leave if for once things seem to have really fallen into place? This is contentment.