...but I was alive

I'm working from home today. We're in the middle of a move at work that has rendered me workspace-less for the next two days. So, I lugged my files home last night, and am currently nestled at the table in my living room, drinking coffee (I had to spend awhile talking myself out of walking down the block to the cutest little cafe and picking up a latte), listening to radio and pouring over work email.

I love working from home. Love. Some people say that they aren't very productive when working from home. For me it's the opposite. I actually get more done from home, because it takes away the social element. At the office I tend to chat. Can't do that at home unless I chat with the cat. But he generally doesn't respond, making it a fairly dull conversation. Basically, I like having my independence. See what happens: you send a kid to Montessori for seven years and she loses the ability to work in a structured environment for the rest of her life!

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I had another incredible practice on Sunday and again yesterday. I don't know what it is lately, but the at-home practices that I'd previously tagged as "boring" have now become super-concentrated and flowing. I think this has a lot to do with acceptance. When I was practising at home during grad school, I was thinking, 'This is only temporary. I can't wait until I'm back in a real studio.' Now my thought process is more along the lines of, 'It could be this way forever. I need to be okay with that and make the best of it.' And that seems to be working.

I find it so funny/interesting how critical we are of ourselves in practice. I've stopped getting frustrated about my regression, because I realize that I took a year off from regular practice and therefore can't hold myself to the same standards I used to. But I still find myself thinking, 'You haven't really come that far. Yoga hasn't changed you that much.' Right. Okay. Except for the much healthier lifestyle, the calmer mindscape, the increased flexibility and the strength. The strength is one that always surprises me. Now: I'm strong. Then: for the first three months or so of practice I had to swallow my pride and come down onto my knees in chaturanga because I had zero upper body strength.

Even if I have regressed physically, I think I've developed mentally, and regardless of how far I am in any given series, this practice makes me feel strong and proud of myself and my body and what it's capable of, and I think that's really something.