...but I was alive

« September 2004 | Main | November 2004 »

October 29, 2004

The Usual

Not too much to mention. It's been a pretty usual week. I haven't been up to too much...no practice because of holiday and moon day. Next week my schedule changes so as to better accomodate practice, yay! Also next week my article is published, which I keep forgetting about, but is exciting nonetheless.
I've slowly been coming to terms with the whole Western thing all week. I think a huge part of the problem was that I'd been sweeping the whole thing under the rug for awhile now. Kind of like, "if I don't think about it it doesn't exist," and now that I'm talking about it more and more I'm becoming more and more okay with it. Essentially the plan is this (if I get accepted): go to Western from May '04-May '05. Have fun while there. Get a master's. Sublet my apartment here for a year. Come back here after year at Western. Get writing work, and continue to grow with Lululemon, hopefully in a management position in a new location. Yada yada yada.
So, yeah.
Last night we had our monthly staff meeting. It was announced that while two of the managers are away in November in B.C. R and I will assume temporary management duties! Yippee! A few of us also got recognised as outstanding staff members and we received cards and gift certificates...I'm so glad that I've found my place at work and that my work hasn't gone unnoticed. C (my manager) did a little speech about each of us that received the 'awards,' and it was really nice to hear such positive feedback (in addition to all the feedback that I got in my one-on-one self-assessment meeting last week). I love my company.
Halloween is in full swing here in Montreal. After days of agnozing and fretting over how I would live up to last year's Cat in the Hat costume, it finally dawned on me the other day: Marge Simpson. I have the costume all set and plan on making a splash tomorrow night wherever I end up going.
I was hoping to go to K.A. tonight as Marge (this crazy annual McGill frat party), but I was exhausted after work and still had a lot of running around to do for my costume and organizational stuff for New York. Pictures of the Marge costume will for sure be posted whenever I get around to it.
Other than that, nothing really. Leaving for New York on Sunday, coming back Wednesday. Working tomorrow 9-5 and partying like a crazed cartoon maniac tomorrow night (Halloween is BIG in Montreal).

Usual stuff at work, with all the usual people (person)...*sigh*

Posted by alegato at 10:49 PM | Comments (0)

October 25, 2004

Bleh.

I had a big talk with my dad tonight and then I had a big talk with my mum. I was talking to my dad about my plans for grad school...he didn't know that I'd decided to stay in Canada, purely for financial reasons (why pay four times as much in the U.S. for the exact same degree?)...I told him about the program at Western, and how I'm applying there, but I really don't want to go there, but I know that I have to if I get in. He wasn't as sympathetic about the whole issue as my mum was. He was basically like, "Andrea, you have to go and that's the end of it." And I know he's right, and I know that if I get in I have to go, because I want a master's and I want to feel more qualified in this field that I'm trying to break into, but I don't want to leave! Just as everything is perfect here, just as I'm having the time of my life, and everything is right and I'm content and I feel like I fit and I spend most of my time laughing, just as that happens I have to turn around and leave, and that fucking sucks. My poor dad...he never really knows how to react when I start to cry on the phone...not in an annoying whiny way, but in a I'm-so-happy-here-and-now-I'm-so-torn kind of way. One those conflicts between head and heart...I know logically what needs to happen, but in my heart all I can think about is how badly I want to stay exactly where I am right now.
So my mum called and I recounted the conversation to her, and she was very sympathetic...she knows that I'm really very bad with change..whenever I move home or move back to Montreal or whatever it takes me about a month to adapt. I usually go through a month of being kind of down and aimless before I fall into a routine again. But she told me that if I've made the decision to go to Western (so long as I get accepted) that I have to go with a good attitude and that if I can't muster up a positive attitude about the whole thing that there's absolutely no point in me going. She's right. I know I need to be more positive, but the thought of living in London (Ontario, not England) is so horrible. No culture to speak of, really WASPy and conversative (relative to Montreal)...an extremely preppy, moneyed student body (exactly what I wanted to get away from when I left high school)and perhaps worst of all, the thing I keep fixating on, no good yoga studio. I know it's stupid, but whenever I think of moving somewhere else I worry about stupid things like radio stations (CBC Radio One isn't as good in Ontario!), shopping and yoga studios (okay, that isn't such a little thing). I just, I can't even begin to describe the difference between a big city in Quebec and a not so big city (about 300 000 people) in Ontario...it's like the difference between, oh, I dunno, Nebraska and NYC.
My mum's and my discussion ended up spilling into the financial realm, which only served to stress me out more...I'm doing my best, I don't want to have to think about tuition and student loans. Sure, I live a little better than most people of my means, but I'm not excessive. She made me feel really bad for going to NYC next week...but by the end of the call though she was like, "Andrea, I know that this is a difficult time. I know that you've finally found a perfect niche and you don't want to leave, and I understand that's tough. For now you should just keep living the way you're living. You're young and you're in the city, so don't feel bad for your lifestyle."
Anyhow, this whole evening just brought up so much stuff that I've been trying not to think about...if I don't think about it it doesn't exist...which is so not true. Got off the phone and instantly cried a couple tears of confusion. I just want this to be my life. I just want to settle in one place, with one group of friends and one job and one house. I hate all this back and forth, all this indecision and all this confusion. At the present moment everything is so good, so sweet, so full of laughter and happiness and contentment and I don't want to give that up come May...who wants to leave Montreal in springtime?
As I wrote back in June,
"...there's something in the air here, in the water and now it's in my bones and in my heart and I don't want to go, and if I have to it will be with regret and anger and I'll be kicking and screaming and thinking about that first day when I got here and I all I wanted to do was leave, thinking about how far I've come and how I want to continue on that path. When I first moved here I hated it, I wanted nothing more than to go back to Ontario and hide under my sheets, but now, now this is my place, I've built a life here, a home and I'm not quite ready to forfeit it to the powers of money and practicality, why should I start being practical now?!?"
I'm going to go try to sleep now so that I don't have to think about this anymore.

Posted by alegato at 11:26 PM | Comments (7)

October 24, 2004

Week in Review

I guess I haven't written anything in awhile because (a) there isn't too much new to report, and (b) I've been keeping fairly busy and haven't had too many spare moments.
So here's my week in review: Tuesday night we ended up going out to see Team America, which was very funny in a very stupid (yet ironic) kind of way...durka durka.
Wednesday I worked, had fun hanging out with the usual lot at work and then went to the Jamie Cullum concert that night with Meg. It was so so good! Sarah Slean opened and was fantastic in her usual, deep, mellow way and her beautiful voice. Jamie came on and was a gigantic bundle of energy. We had amazing seats right at the very front and we had such a good time. His energy was infectious. He was full of crazy antics, running around on stage like a maniac, climbing all over his grand piano and then leaping off of it, it was a good time, and Meg surprised me by paying for my ticket for all the missed birthdays/Christmases. Afterwards we hooked up with Em at Bifteck to watch the remainder of the Yankees Red Sox game...much to Meg's chagrin the Yankees lost and she was left to drown her sorrows. We moved across the street to Pistol (apparently we narrowly avoided running into R at Bifteck)and hung out there being silly until 2-ish.
Thursday was a fun day at work. R crowned me the Lulu Librarian (in light of the fact that I told him that when I was 3 I really wanted to be a librarian so that I could use one of the fancy scanners that librarians always get to use!), and so for the rest of the day I had to explain the everyone why I was wearing a label on my shirt that said Lululibrarian (we really abuse the label maker at worker...). Thursday night we had our usual get together over here at A's and my place...we made a splendid vegetarian chili, some cheddar scallion cornbread and Em and Graham made a cheesecake (God bless the kitchenaid!). We had all the fun that we usually do and made firm plans to go to NYC next weekend (well, Sunday-Wednesday so that we can be there for the election).
Friday was pretty uneventful...I once again turned down invitations to go out and stayed in with A...we drank a couple martinis and watched stupid tv..a good time was had by all!
Yesterday I worked all day and then stayed at work until 9 to take part in our partner yoga customer appreciation night(we did all the poses that are on their intro page!). It ended up being a lot of fun, and as it turns out, the Davids (the teachers) also study with Sharath when in Mysore and they've stayed in the same apartment as Meg and I when they've been there...small Ashtanga world it is! The only problem with the workshop was that I was with a girl from work who's about 5" shorter than me, and that made a lot of things more difficult for us and as a result my quads are killing me today. After the class I ended up eating dinner at Meg's with B, L, D and M and then we decided to act like a bunch of teenage boys and bake some very potent brownies....not something we do very often, but it was fun at the time.
I planned on going to the Davids' Ashtanga improv class this morning, I'd actually been looking forward to it all week, but when my alarm went off this morning I was in no state to get out of bed: my quads were all seized up and my head was pretty darn fuzzy, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. Apparently they're going to be back in town again soon, so hopefully I can check out another class with them then..I really wanted to go this morning, but my body wasn't going to let me...the mere thought of virbidhrasana was torture for my screaming quads!
This afternoon A and I went on a trip to the other side of town...kind of into the suburbs to check out some outlets. We ended up buying a pasta maker (because we didn't have enough kitchen implements already!!!), so we came home tonight and made some excellent papardelle with a veggie ragu of sorts, it was so good. Probably the funniest thing that happened all day was when we were in the grocery store getting stuff for dinner and an older man came up to A and me and said, "You better take good care of her, because she's very beautiful." We thanked him with straight faces, but as soon as he walked away we both dissolved into hysterical laughter...if only the man knew...we decided it best not to explain to the poor man, who was only trying to be nice, that A isn't into girls!
Tomorrow is my day off and I plan on making it a productive one..we'll see how far I get with that plan!
This week there was a big to-do at work about Christmas and all of us that want to go home for the holidays. I'd signed up to do a interstore transfer..meaning I would get to work in one of the T.O. stores, but since no one is coming to our store I'm now not supposed to leave and if I do I run the risk of losing my job. That wouldn't be the situation if certain promises hadn't been made unfairly, but it is the situation..I was told that my job would probably be safe because I only wanted 6 days off...but I felt bad for the girls from B.C. who haven't seen their families in 10 months, so I decided that if my staying could help them get home that I would stay. So, I'm going to be in Montreal for Christmas. My mum and stepdad are going to be here with me. I love my family. Although I was really angry and disappointed with this situation in the first place I'm kind of getting excited about it now. I'm looking forward to hosting Christmas dinner at my house...getting a wreath and a tree...going to mass with my mum on Christmas eve in the city...it should be nice. I'm so thankful that my family is coming...as my mum said Christmas doesn't have to always be the same..as long as we're together that's all that really matters.
So yeah, that's pretty much all that's gone on with me in the past week. I was given the opportunity to do some more managing at work, which was great, I love being in a leadership role. Work's been fun as usual...lots of laughing, lots of joking etc. Still waiting for R to get me my librarian scanner...maybe this week I won't be such a wimp.

Posted by alegato at 11:11 PM | Comments (0)

October 18, 2004

I am a bad yogi!

Argh. I had every intention of going to J's level 3 tonight at 6 (as I had the day off), but around 5 o'clock I decided against it. My hamstrings were sore (but nothing I couldn't have worked through once I got warm) and I was having an incredibly productive day at home (I did some professional development stuff for work, updated my resume, came up with a proposal/query letter, looked into some new opportunities and cleaned the whole apartment like a maniac)and didn't want to interrupt my productivity. So I didn't go.
I've been going to yoga so little lately. As J said to me the other day, "Andrea, has real life been getting in the way?." Yeah, it's true, it has, to an extent, but then I read everyone else's blogs, Neti's, Cameron's, Suburbfreak's, KJS's,Okrgr's...and they all fit in their daily practices around their real life commitments. Yeah, I finish work late in the day and I can't make it to evening classes, but I could go to mysore classes in the morning, but it just isn't happening. I turn off my alarm every single time I try to go.
So I feel guilty and mad at myself for my lack of discipline. I can't seem to get my head around the idea of getting out of the house first thing, runnning to work and then not getting home until 7:30-ish in the evening.
Here's my big issue: I am the world's worst morning person. Ask Meghan. I am miserable. I don't get out of bed unless I know someone is counting on me to get out of bed. I don't even talk in the morning, I grunt. It's been this way pretty much since I was born. My parents finally gave up on my night-owl ways when I was about two, they'd just say, "Good night Andrea!" and go to bed themselves, and hope that eventually I would put myself to bed, because try as they might to read to me and tuck me in I would always get up and stay up as late as I could. When I was around 7 or 8 I used to sit in my walk-in closet with the door closed and the light on reading books well after my parents had gone to bed...my mum always caught me and yelled at me. So I've always gone to bed late and slept in (until like, 9-ish). Even in Mysore I was a misery in the morning, and we didn't even start practice until 8!
For October, I asked T (a fellow ashtangi, one who actually gets up every morning and practises)who does the scheduling, to schedule me in at 11-close as often as possible so that I could start going to mysore practice regularly...it hasn't happened. So for Novemeber I asked for a combination of 9-5 and 11-close shifts so that I can go to some evening classes and hopefully go to a couple mysore classes a week.
I think I really just need to force myself to go to mysore class for a whole week and that if I do that I might be able to get into the routine...When I was still in school it wasn't such as problem, because my schedule was such that I could still practise 5-6 days a week in the evening, but now...bleh...that isn't the case and it's driving me crazy. I feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm not going to get anywhere if I keep up this sporadic schedule. I feel like I went to Mysore and now I need to build on that, but it's slipping away from me and I really, really need to get it back, because when I'm practising regularly I'm definitely calmer (maybe it's because I'm so tired all the time?!?!?), more centred, more rational and just generally happy...not that I'm not happy now, I am, I really am, I just need to get my practice back, my routine back, my mari D and my drop backs back!

Posted by alegato at 11:16 PM | Comments (3)

October 17, 2004

The Perfect Weekend

I've been aching for a weekend like this for years. For the past four years, weighed down by books, midterms and papers, I've yearned for a real weekend. Two days without obligations, without assignments hanging over my head and without work. I've been having a hard time making the adjustment to having 'real' weekends now that school is done and homework is no longer. For awhile I could never settle down and relax, I had to keep going constantly, running errands,cleaning,cooking,socializing, because it seemed weird to be without something to do. But this weekend I seem to have it all figured out.
Friday night I turned down invites to dinner (with Meg) and to go out (with C) and I chose to stay in, order in for dinner, watch a movie and nurse the cold that seemed to be attacking me. I was tired from a week of work. So I didn't push it, I didn't burn the candle at both ends, I just chilled.
Yesterday I slept in a little (until 9), got up, hung around the apartment doing laundry, chatting with A and P, eating breakfast and drinking badam milk. I went out in the afternoon, headed downtown, returned a pair of pants that I'd been undecided about for awhile and then just kind of wandered and browsed, bought a new book, because I finished a novel on Friday night (A Home at the End of the World by Michael Cunningham, nowhere near as good as The Hours)and I always have to have a novel on the go so that I can read a couple chapters each night before bed. I came home and hung around the apartment for a few hours yesterday afternoon and then I went to Meg's place and a few of us went up to Park Ex (Jean Talon W.) for Indian. I had the vegetarian thali, but couldn't eat too much of it, since it was northern food and it was 9pm and it was just too heavy,but it was good (is there anything better than palak paneer???). I went back to Meg's after that, and we were just chilling, chatting, nearly falling asleep when Grant called me and asked me to come out with him for one drink, and then he would walk me home. One drink turned into about two and a half hours, most of which were spent at Pistol with Em, Graham, Grant, Zayna, Steph, Kyle and Fraser...all the usuals, and as usual we had fun. I came home around 3:15 and A and P had just gotten home as well..we chatted in the kitchen for awhile, and I was in bed by 4.
This morning I was up at 8:30 and off to J & E's level 2/3 by 9. What a fantastic class. Somehow, on four and a half hours of sleep, I managed to have a great, high energy practice. I was pretty stiff today, but I felt strong and my concentration was great. For once my balancing postures were good, I felt like I was concentrating so hard, totally undistracted that I was able to hold all of them without any problem. We did some fantastic hip openers between mari A and mari B, which were fantastic. Oh yeah,I fell out of bhujipidasana! It's never happened to me before, but in trying to lift myhead back up off the ground, the transition from bhuja to tittibasana, I somehow fell forward and made a gignatic thud. It was amusing and incredibly graceful! Other than that things were good...great headstand and a 15 breath uttpluthi.
I stumbled out of class, chatted with T a bit who was on her way into the next class and then I came home and warmed up in the shower..today is gloomy, damp and chilly in Montreal. Since then I've been hanging around the apartment, curled up on the couch reading yesterday's Gazette, a pot of homemade minestrone is on the stove. I stood in the kitchen for maybe 45 minutes a little earlier doing prep work for the soup, chopping and listening to jazz. Our windows have fogged from the steam coming off the soup as it cooks, and our whole apartment is steamy compared to the icky weather outside, and it smells like onions and garlic and all things good and homey. I plan on spending the rest of the afternoon stirring the soup, reading the paper and my book, listening to the guy who's on CBC Radio One right now reading from Rumi and just generally relaxing. Tonight A and I are anxiously awaiting The Greatest Canadian, which is on CBC TV at 8 and is a list of the top Canadians (from the past or present) as compiled according to Canadians' votes..we are giant CBC geeks!
This is what weekends are for, thank goodness for not having homework for once in my life! Perfect hanging out at home, dinner with friends, jeans and t-shirt kind of weekend.

Posted by alegato at 2:26 PM | Comments (0)

October 13, 2004

Sad

My cousin, who was 32, passed away at 5:30 this morning. She had been dealing with various illnesses her whole life as a result of being born with a very severe form of Addison's Disease (a glandular disorder). Last year after years of waiting and getting dialysis nearly every day, she finally received a kidney transplant. For the first time in forever she was going to be able to travel and live a real life. She had plans to help my sister-in-law Sherryl set up her grade one class room. She was also planning on visiting my stepsister Lindsay in B.C., and she was wildly excited about the plan. Unfortunately in the late summer she started developing severe headaches. They did a CT and an MRI and my stepdad (a radiologist and Michelle's uncle) was horrified to find several malignant brain tumours. Apparently she suffered lymphoma as a result of her transplant and the cancer then spread to her brain. Since her diagnosis things have been rough...her transplanted kidney was removed, and then as an immuno-compromised individual in hospital she acquired a hospital infection, and slowly drifted away over the past month or so.
She was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Despite all her trials she always greeted us with a smile and a plate of date squares. She smiled in the face of pain and difficulty. She laughed. She baked. She did incredibly kind things for everyone in our family. She was never able to move away from home, never able to lead a full life..this has made her death especially difficult for my aunt and uncle who have essentially had a little girl for the past 32 years. My uncle sobbed the other day and said, "What will I do without my little girl?" What will any of us do? Michelle was that little ray of light that was always there, quietly, sweetly and strongly. There is a gaping hole in our family now.
She fought for a long time, but one person can only suffer so much.
My thoughts and prayers are with my aunt and uncle, I cannot even begin to imagine their grief.
Michelle was everyone's little girl, we will always love her and admire her courage, kindness, her eternal optimism and her gleeful smile. Rest in peace.

"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Posted by alegato at 11:46 PM | Comments (1)

October 11, 2004

Back at home..

Just a quick note tonight. I had a lovely long weekend at home with family. Hung out with some old friends. Spent a lot of time with my family. Had a really good conversation with my mum about my plans for the future. I baked and cooked a lot, and I ate a lot. It was great. That's all for now, I have to work in the morning and I have people over here now in celebration of Angus's birthday, which is the main reason for this post:
Happy birthday Angus! You're the best roommate I've ever had. You make me laugh, you hate Ken Jennings as much as I do and you're one hell of a cook!

Posted by alegato at 9:59 PM | Comments (0)

October 9, 2004

Giving Thanks

Whether entirely trivial or laden with meaning and profundity there is so much I have to be thankful for, and so much of it goes unsaid, but now, at Thanksgiving, it should be articulated, realised and appreciated.

• I am thankful for Tide with a Touch of Downy laundry detergent, and I make everyone who comes to my house well aware of this by forcing them to stick their nose in the bottle!
• I am thankful for my iPod and the fact that it provides my life with an endless soundtrack.
• I am thankful for my roommate who cooks with me, laughs with me, listens to me, offers advice and loves Peter Mansbridge and CBC Radio One as much as I do.
• I am thankful for Liberty yogurt.
• I am thankful for gmail, because it makes my life so much easier!
• I am thankful for yoga and the peace and calm that it provides me. Especially because I have a tendency to take on too much and yoga forces me to slow down, to breathe, to stop overthinking and to remain centered and focussed.
• I am thankful for my body and how hard it works for me, especially in my yoga practice.
• I am so thankful for the act of cooking, my other yoga, and the outlet it provides me, both for my creativity and my energy. I am thankful for the fact that it allows me to nourish others and myself.
• I am thankful for Nutella.
• I am incredibly thankful for my apartment: the comfort it provides me, the dishwasher, the washer and dryer, the roommate, my Buddha from Thailand on the coffee table, my Kitchenaid, my sheets, my gigantic room and my beautiful duvet cover from India.
• I am thankful that I am able to always have a fridge full of food.
• I am deeply thankful that I was able to travel through Asia for the memories and experiences with which it provided me, and the newfound appreciation for all the things we all take for granted: food, water, shelter, political and religious freedom and general civil rights.
• I am thankful for my education.
• I am thankful for books and my voracious reading habit.
• I am thankful for my writing and for the creativity it adds to my life.
• I am thankful for Canadian winters and all that comes with them: snow, cold, skiing, hockey, hot cider and sledding.
• I am thankful for the fact that I come from a long line of incredibly headstrong women, all ahead of their times in their refusals to be subordinated.
• I am thankful for my cottage and all that comes with it: the big leather couch, the hammock, the beach, the quiet and the friends.
• I am so deeply thankful for my job and the way that it seems to have helped my life get back on track. I am thankful for the people at work who make me laugh every day. I am thankful for the trust my superiors have in me and the authority they give me. I am thankful that because of my job I now have a list of attainable goals and a path to follow towards those goals. I am thankful that when I leave work for a long weekend all my coworkers hug me and wish me a safe trip.
• I am thankful beyond belief for my friends. I am thankful that they aren’t fair-weather friends, or friends who are useful exclusively for partying: they are people who are content to hang out cooking dinner together and watching political debates one night, and to go out dancing the next night followed by brunch in the morning. They make me laugh harder than anyone else. They get me. They are my stability. No one in our group judges anyone else. I am thankful for the fact that we are entirely supportive of one another no matter what. I am thankful that we have been friends through everything that the past four years has offered us. I am profoundly thankful that they are my family away from home.
• I am thankful for old friends at home. Friends who never change, who are always only themselves. Friends with whom I can pick up where I left off whenever I see them. Friends who were there when I was a child and will be there for the rest of my life despite distance, years and circumstances.
• I am thankful for past relationships and everything they’ve provided me with: memories, lessons and friends. I am thankful that none of them has ended in pettiness or nastiness. I am thankful that I still view past-loves as good, intelligent, creative and kind people and that with all of them I wish them nothing but the very best in life and am sorry that time or circumstances prevented things from working out between us.
• I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for my family. They support me (emotionally, mentally and financially) in anything and everything that I choose to do or dream. They believe in me when I don’t believe in myself. I am thankful that, despite the fact my parents are no longer together, I was provided with two families and two examples of love, commitment and familial happiness from a very young age. I am thankful that we always ate together. I am thankful for the fact that my family understood the importance of education and sent me to fantastic schools as a result. I am thankful in the knowledge that I will always be loved unconditionally.
• I am thankful for my mum: she is my best friend, the person who knows everything about me. She and I share so much: the way we look, the way we think and our sense of humour. She knows me better than I know myself and never fails to offer me the best advice, and she is always right! We talk everyday. We laugh everyday. She instinctively knows when I need her help and when I need to find my own way. She cries every time I leave and every time I come home. Just knowing that she is there makes every day a better one.
• I am thankful for my dad: he is my common sense and my good friend. We make each other laugh every day, but he also makes sure to keep me on track, aiming towards my goals. I am thankful that I got to spend four summers working with him every day, learning his business and that now he turns to me when he needs to bounce a business idea off someone. I am awed by his quiet strength and his courage. I am grateful in the knowledge that in his eyes I can do no wrong, he will never stop loving me, his support for me is unending.
• I am thankful for my stepmum: she forces me to find solutions to problems that are seemingly unsolvable, and she always helps me see both sides of a situation. She is generous and strong. I am thankful she was able to find the strength to overcome her illness last year. I am thankful that she calls me her daughter. She is the parent who I always talk to first when I have a new “crazy� idea (i.e. going away to Asia, going to grad school in the States etc.), because I know she will support me instantly and lobby for me. She forces me to be adventurous and to push my limits.
• I am thankful for my stepdad: he is a man of great modesty and incredible intelligence. Without him it is unlikely I would be as well-read or as opinionated and articulate as I am. I am thankful that he has, since before I can remember, started political debates at the dinner table. I am thankful that he keeps a dictionary in the kitchen and looks up every word he doesn’t know (there aren’t really very many he doesn’t know) and then quizzes me on those words until I commit them to memory! I am thankful that he treats my mum so well, and that his greatest joy in life comes from taking an interest in this children’s lives and that in his eyes I am his daughter. He is my biggest fan and his support is unwavering.
• I am thankful for my brother Jay: he is wise beyond his 14 years and he shows a huge amount of common sense and individuality for someone of his age. He cannot be pressured to do anything in which he doesn’t believe. I am thankful that he feels comfortable enough to tell me everything about his life. I am thankful that he sees me as an example to follow. I am thankful that he makes me laugh constantly and forever encourages me to do things that I find scary. I am thankful that I have enough confidence in our relationship to know that we will be close friends always.
• I am thankful for my stepsiblings: they force me to formulate airtight arguments and to be outgoing in order for my voice to be heard. I am thankful that they have accepted my mum and me so readily and that I have never once been made to feel like and outsider. I am thankful that they have made me a violent Trivial Pursuit player!
• I am thankful that I have everything that I could possibly need or want in my life and that, despite my day-to-day complaints, I am content in my life and in myself.

Happy Thanksgiving. May everyone have many things for which to be thankful and may no one be without love, food, joy, warmth and peace.

Om Shanti.
Namaste.

Posted by alegato at 2:07 PM | Comments (2)

October 7, 2004

I don't even know where to begin...

Bush is the biggest idiot ever. Who the hell are these "46% of respondents" who are voting for him? Are they braindead or do they simply value underhandedness and deceit as good qualities in a leader? There is so much more I could say, but it's all been said a thousand times before and to no avail. Allow me to be blunt: do something to change your goddamn administration before Bush's delusions of grandeur threaten any more innocent lives!

Posted by alegato at 11:49 PM | Comments (0)

Thanksgiving Countdown

I'm going home for Thanksgiving tomorrow evening, which gives me the day tomorrow to: (a) Find a birthday gift for my stepmum. (b) Write the rest of my article for which the deadline is Sunday. And (c) Sleep in a little seeing as tonight proved to be a little later than planned. Despite my late night (over at Grant's house then out to Else's with a big group including E, G, M, Z, K, G and D) I feel that my time was spent wisely and that what I set out to do has for sure been accomplished. I am no longer the world's biggest wimp! D and I made for-sure plans to talk next week when we both get back from the long weekend and to hang out, well done me.
Looking forward to going home for the weekend. Time to chill out, watch movies, catch up with old friends and most importantly spend time with family...wishing everyone who's celebrating this weekend a very happy Thanksgiving!
Happy 22nd Grant...you're by far the best husband I've ever had, even though you are indeed gay! Love and sexy memories of Cambodia!
--A

Posted by alegato at 1:43 AM | Comments (0)

October 5, 2004

Mystery

I took J's led level three class last night and it was entirely delightful. The weather here in Montreal has gone from summer to full-fledged winter (while, maybe not full-fledged, but it was only 5 Celsius here today) and I couldn't seem to get warm last night. I didn't start sweating until the end of the standing series (that never happens to me!). But nonetheless it was a nice class. Not too many people were there and we were all at about the same level so we were able to make it through full primary in 90 minutes. My hamstring is all better again...go figure...I'm just happy that it is though. I had some good back bends, but I can't understand how it is that I'm ever supposed to be able to stand up. I rock back and forth and try to get as much weight as possible into my legs, but I don't see how I could ever take my hands off the floor without breaking my neck...it is one of the great mysteries of life.
I got to leave work early today because there were like, six of us scheduled to close and that's entirely superfluous (that and the fact that R and I were making trouble all day with our music wars)...So I came home, now I'm just sitting here, chatting on msn, drinking tea and contemplating cleaning my room seeing as people are coming over for dinner tonight and to watch the vice-presidential debates.
Other than that not too much is going on. Work tomorrow and then I'm going home on Thursday evening for Thanksgiving weekend. Just sitting around contemplating "the rules"...wondering what/when my next move is...
Happy, happy birthday to my mum and stepmum who both share October 5th as their birthdays. You're two of the most important people in my whole life and I wish you both much happiness, fulfillment and joy.

Posted by alegato at 5:34 PM | Comments (0)

October 4, 2004

Applefest 2: A Photo Essay

(Trip to Marche Jean Talon)

(Planning the menu at the market)

(Discussion ensued)

(Marche Jean Talon)

(After hours of labour in the kitchen...)

(A feast was had...)

(...by all!)

Posted by alegato at 1:14 PM | Comments (0)

October 3, 2004

Torn

What a good weekend. Well, mostly. Friday night I was so drained from the cleanse I ended up skipping out on good times with friends and opted instead for bed and a movie. Saturday I worked all day on cash. It was a really busy day and I had a lot of fun during the second half of the day (after I quit the cleanse and my blood sugar levels returned to normal so that I could function again, and I emerged from my eternal bad mood).
I wasn't sure if I felt like going out at all last night. I sat around the apartment for awhile just chilling. Eventually got in touch with G who convinced me to come to his house party and then out to Rosalie's. I wasn't very enthusiastic about the whole plan, but I forced myself to go (wearing the highly lucky wrap dress and jeans that I wore to Tokyo last week). I ended up spending most of my time at G's in his room looking at Asia pictures and drinking wine. Z, K, L and I left around 12 to head out to Rosalie's. I had no intention of staying there for more than 45 minutes or so. It's a pretty pretentious place full of beautiful people, and the scene wasn't so different last night, except that since it was F who had been doing the promoting I knew most of the people there. I ended up staying and having way to much fun dancing with all the usual suspects and some people (well, really just person, just the one in particular) I haven't seen in a long time, but was happy to reconnect with......
To sleep by 5 (!), up at 9 and to work by 11. Finished work at 6 and spent the evening at Em and G's house making dinner and watching movies...well, I didn't make it to the movies, I had to come home because I was falling asleep. Came home to a yummy smelling house..A was baking apple crisp! Tomorrow I have the day off.
Again, it's weekends like this, times like this, when everything is totally falling into place, when things seem so right that I just can't see myself leaving this place. I've found such an incredible niche. I love my social circle. I love that I'm living the life I always pictured myself living as a twentysomething in the city. Alone when I want to be. Surrounded by friends when I choose. Various prospects lingering in the wings...it's all so sweet. It's got me thinking a lot. It's got me thinking about the future and that maybe things shouldn't change. Maybe things should stay just as they are. Everything is as it should be, and I am happy.

Posted by alegato at 11:09 PM | Comments (0)

October 1, 2004

Cleanse, Day 3, Just About Done...

Okay, so for some reason, despite the late night last night (out with friends after having people over to watch the debate) during which I learned that bars really aren't that much fun if you can't drink, I woke up feeling fine this morning. By the time I got to work I was in a great mood. I was high energy and happy all day long (well, C said I was grouchy, but K said it was a definite improvement over yesterday, and R just kept making up fake rules for me to break and subsequently have to start the cleanse over again...right, never again!). Anyhow, I felt very happy and upbeat...I was skipping around the store..my new haircut makes me happy. Great day at work. The store was crazy. I couldn't believe it when I looked up at the clock and it said 6..I thought that it was about 4. Toward the end of the day though my energy started to plummet and I barely stayed awake on the bus home. By the time I got home at 7-ish I was too tired to do anything. What's worse about this whole thing is that it makes my mind so foggy...it's kind of problematic seeing as I have an article to write and my deadline is next week...so I've decided to turn this into a four day cleanse rather than a seven day one.
Apprently, the fact that I felt so great earlier today is indication that I'm "on the other side of the detox" now...so..yeah. It's gotten to the point though, especially on account of my hypoglycemia, that I'm so tired and weak and shaky that it would be pure folly to continue any longer. At my stepdad's command (he's a doctor) I'm quitting tomorrow.
I had grand designs on going out tonight with G and/or E, G, T, M et al for T's last night in town before he heads back to Victoria, but it looks like it's going to be me in bed watching a movie, because I can't drag my ass out of my apartment. Hopefully I'll have enough energy tomorrow night to make it to G's party and also to the party F's promoting at Rosalie's...speaking of which...I totally missed my chance today..why am I the world's biggest wimp? Even my 14 year old brother insists that I'm a giant wimp...why does it have to be so complicated?!?!
I'm off to bed with The Sopranos...
I'm going home on Thursday for Thanksgiving! I've been thinking a lot lately about all that I have to be thankful for...more to come later when I'm more competent and able to form complete sentences.

Posted by alegato at 9:36 PM | Comments (0)