« December 2004 | Main | February 2005 »
January 30, 2005
Drifting...
If you're lost and feel alone
Circumnavigate the globe
All you ever have to hope for too
And the way you seem to flow
Circumnavigate in hope
And they seem to lose control, with you
Everyone of us is hurt
And everyone of us is scarred
Everyone of us is scared
Not you
Your eyes closed
Your head hurts
Your eyes feel so low
Everyone of us is scared
Everyone of us is hurt
Everyone of us has hope
For you
--Coldplay
...we're all drifting right now.
Posted by alegato at 11:20 PM | Comments (0)
January 28, 2005
One year ago today...
I'm having a hard time believing that a year has passed, but on this very day one year ago, Meg and I spent the morning and afternoon wandering around Manhattan, eating our last "American" food and every once in awhile exclaiming, "We're going to Asia tonight!" I remember hanging out in the airport and making excessive phonecalls from the departure lounge....my mum, my dad, Meg's little sister and the Debater and the Model who were almost as excited as we were. Twenty four hours later, and a hell of a lot of "chinese vegetarian" meals (i.e. steamed bok choy and plain rice noodles) later we were in steamy, spicy Bangkok. Four months of laughter, frustration, memories and yoga ensued. I decided what I wanted to do with my life, I learned how to bind mari D by myself (not that I can anymore!) and I ate far too many banana pancakes. So many monumental changes have taken place since, and it all started a year ago today. What a fucking amazing experience.
Last night I headed to the ashtanga studio from work pumped to take J's level 3 class. Turned out J wasn't teaching, and much to my chagrin a different teacher (with whom I'd never taken class) taught. I was a little negative at the beginning, because I'd really been looking forward to J (and because I abhor sun salutations, and thus am usually fairly negative at the beginning of class). In the end I actually ended up having a very enjoyable class. We ended up doing second series (well, the beginning of second). My back felt fairly strong and open, much to my surprise. And, as usual when I practise after work, I fell asleep in savasana. That always causes me to wake up suddenly, entirely convinced that everyone else has left already...which is never actually the case.
In other news...my Gay Husband and I booked our trip to Cuba a couple days ago. We're leaving in four weeks!! I'm so looking forward to spending a week at the beach with several books. Our plan as of now: to do absolutely nothing.
I heard back from one of the programs to which I've applied, and they want to interview me in a few weeks...I didn't know that interviews were part of their application process, but, I guess they are. I can't believe I heard from them so soon...it's been less than two weeks since I applied.
Finished work at 2 today and didn't know what to do, so I gave the Model a call and she invited me over to have waffles with her, my Roommate (her brother), the Debater and a couple other friends. T'was lovely. Now I'm supposed to go over to the Yoga Teacher's house, along with the Jewellery Designer, to do some pilates, but I'm exhausted and trying to find an excuse not to go....I think tonight I'll probably hang out with the GH and maybe the Model...although I should probably stay home and work on my last letter of intent, for my last grad school app, which I'm hand-delivering on Monday.
Peter Mansbridge (my cat, not the CBC newsanchor) is feeling a lot better and seems to have developed a voracious appetite now that he's no longer ill. Also, he's taken to sleeping on me...at first he was into sleeping on my bed, but now he tries to sleep on my legs while I sleep...somethings around here are going to have to change!!!
Posted by alegato at 4:33 PM | Comments (0)
January 23, 2005
The Yoga Slacker
Practice this morning only served to show me how important it is to maintain a regular practice. I've been slacking off hardcore lately. I think it's been caused by a combination of things. Namely, lack of vitamin D that seems to be putting me into tired/hibernation/low metabolism mode, a very unpredictable schedule that changes drastically from week to week, thus preventing me from getting into a real routine, and, of course, pure laziness. I just haven't been motivated to do my practice lately. I felt myself drifting away from yoga, questioning how much I really wanted it in my life, how much I valued it etc. That's very easy to do when you're removed from it, but since I took class today I realise how very important it is to me, and, more than that, how it affects so many aspects of my lifestyle in a very positive manner (i.e. veg and organic diet, amount of sleep, body-mind connection and my abilitiy to be calm and rational, rather than high-strung and overanalytical). So yeah...in terms of my physical practice today, it pretty much sucked. I took a level one class with J, because (a) I felt like sleeping in, and (b) I just wasn't up for the physical challenge of my usual level 2/3 (full primary). My flexibility is waning (not a lot...I could get it back in a couple weeks of REGULAR practice, but, enough for me to notice a significant change...i.e. head off the ground in prasarita series, tight hamstrings etc.), and my strength is down a little bit. These things will come back...and my practice this morning has motivated me to try harder and be more dedicated. I'm thinking about the World Tour...maybe practising Mysore style with Sharath when he's in New York...I always find Mysore to be much more useful to my practice than led. And Sharath is a fantastic teacher. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go, depending on where I am and what I'm doing, but for now I'm keeping it in the back of my mind as a bit of motivation.
Other than that...nothing too eventful. Had a good, fairly relaxing weekend. Wrote an extensive exam yesterday morning for one of the journalism programs to which I'm applying. Then I adopted a cat! Yippee...so exciting!
Here he is:
I was out for Marler's birthday on Friday night...hung out with a bunch of people before and after that. This afternoon the GH (gay husband) and I went to see Sideways, which wasn't as good as I'd anticipated, but was good for a few laughs nonetheless...and was a good way to spend the afternoon, seeing as it's been close to -40 (with the windchill) all week, and going outside is pretty much NOT an option.
I've had some great revelations about my life lately...about how I'm happy with it the way that it is right now...in terms of romantic companionship (or lack thereof!). For the first time that I can remember, I am actually entirely happy in my singledom. It's weird...it's never happened to me before, but to be entirely honest I don't want to be in a relationship right now. Which is not to say, as some people perceived it, that I want to have casual flings either...I am just perfectly content as I am right now...and that is very liberating. There's too much up in the air right now for me to be comfortable in getting involved with someone. This is a really great feeling.
Off to bed...I get my dishwasher fixed in the morning...yippee!!
Posted by alegato at 11:32 PM | Comments (1)
January 17, 2005
Home for a rest
(written Sunday night)
My week at home is drawing to a close…for that I am thankful. It’s been good to be home with my family…to a point, but I’ll be happy to be back home in Montreal tomorrow evening. The week’s been mostly uneventful…usual day-to-day stuff: family dinners, visiting my dad at work, trying to fight the boredom and, most wonderfully of all, dealing with my dad’s inferiority complex. Okay, so my parents are divorced, have been since I was a baby…blah blah blah, they get along…there isn’t any extreme animosity, but despite all that, my dad still seems to feel like I love him less. I spent my whole childhood dividing my time evenly between my parents’ houses, and my dad seems to thing that this is still a realistic set-up. He thinks that since my mum got to see me over Christmas and he didn’t (because she came to Montreal, and he didn’t), that I shouldn’t see my mum at all while I’m home. Unrealistic…mmhmm…yep…entirely. So, I spent some of my time at home sneaking out to see my mother. Yes, yes…I had to lie and make up absurd cover stories in order to see my mum…divorce, t’is a many splendoured thing!
Aside from that….spent some time in T.O. with the Pharmacist (AKA the Former Roommate), which was fun, albeit rainy (in January? In CANADA? Weird). Watched Garden State about a billion more times (as well as the deleted scenes, and the director’s commentary and the “Making of…� thing)…yep..a little obsessed…and a little bored…Oh, and I spent a lot of stressed-out time getting my grad school applications (three in all) together and sent out…it was a more stressful experiment than I thought it was going to be…all that goddamn bureaucracy and all those forms. Quebec must have the most forms of anywhere in the world…except maybe France…but, well, in that case it’s genetic anyway.
I spent the weekend up at Western with the Dental Student (AKA my Pseudo Sister)…hanging out with her and her boyfriend and all the dentists-to-be. Trying to picture myself in London. Trying to see if I could fit there at all. I couldn’t. Not really. Not at all. But I might have to….we’ll see, such is life. It’s all brutally southern-Ontarian…(not that there’s anything wrong with that, it just isn’t me). You know what I mean..malls and fast food and boring and drab and it all seems to be lit by a giant, unflattering, fluorescent lightbulb. Ick. Eek. Argh (the Actress keeps reminding me that I’m not an Archie comic character, and thus shouldn’t say things like “eek� and “argh� out loud….but I just can’t help myself!). Trying to be positive about London. Must be positive about that shithole.
Friday night was a goodtime…went out for dinner with the Pseudo Sister and her…er… appendage (boyfriend) and then to an interfaculty (dentistry, med, law, MBA etc.) party, which was a good time. P.S. (Pseudo Sister) made us leave early just as we were really starting to have a good time! No, it was fun. The people were cool (except for that one dental student who was telling me about the huge money he’ll be making once he starts practising..to which I replied, rather coldly, that money alone is not reason enough to embark on a career…I really know how to make friends fast! Way to alienate people within two minutes of meeting them Andrea…well done!).
Which is precisely why I’m now unnecessarily torturing myself trying to make decisions that don’t yet need to be made (but may need to be made within the next, er, month or so..NO!). If I had to move to London, could I? I suppose. It would be rough at best. I know that I’d meet new people and have fun, but it wouldn’t be the same…I don’t want to leave all the good stuff behind. And I know that Montreal isn’t going anywhere and that I could move back and that my program is only a year, but…stuff happens, you know? What if something happened to prevent me from moving back? But, the nice thing about Western is that, since it’s a smaller community, it’s a great place to meet people…huge plus among many minuses.
And I wonder if by choosing to stay in Montreal I would only be erring on the side of safety and security and comfort. I’m bad with change, I know that already…and at the risk of sounding uncharacteristically sappy, what if by choosing Montreal I’m evading my own destiny…what if I’m meant to go to London and meet great people, but instead I choose to maintain the status quo? The program at Western starts in about 10 weeks…too close for comfort, and it’s to the point where these questions are no longer entirely premature. Hmph. Argh.
My Gay Husband and I are planning a trip to the Caribbean at the end of February, and I’m really looking forward to getting away to a warm place with sun and rum and questionable food safety.
Speaking of…I’m so glad to hear that my Mysore-friend Starshine is helping out in Sri Lanka..what an incredible person she is. Refugee camps in Liberia, relief efforts in Sri Lanka..she is an amazing, brave, compassionate woman. Sending love and nutella-dreams her way.
Nothing on the yoga-front this week..plans were continually thwarted by family guilt-trips…I did invest in some awesome pilates dvds though, and my abs are still hurting two days later.
Flying home tomorrow. I hope not for the last time. Eek.
Posted by alegato at 7:17 PM | Comments (0)
January 9, 2005
Where is home?
I've lived in this city for four and a half years and I just took the metro in the wrong direction. Clearly my mind is somewhere else. I'm not really sure what's going on with me today. Maybe it's all the underlying stress from grad school application frustrations, or maybe it's the fact that as of this past Friday things changed at work...or maybe it has to do with my Friday night and the arm that was around me and the person who I might not get to spend anymore time with...depsite the undeniable chemistry and attraction...I dunno, but I'm feeling a little bit down, a little bit pensive, and I don't know why.
I'm going home in the morning for a week, to spend time with my dad, stepmum and brother, because I didn't get to see them at all over the holidays. I'm looking forward to seeing my family, but not looking forward to being at home for a week. For that reason I'm really looking forward to spending next weekend at Western with the Dental Student and her friends. I'm hoping that I get to practice at least once or twice at my shala at home. I haven't been home for this long since the summertime and...I dunno. It's tough, because it used to be my home, but it so isn't anymore. I go there and I feel isolated and bored and try to figure out what the hell it was that ever made it feel like home to begin with...other than my family. Is this my home? Am I no longer an extension of my parents and now my own person, an adult? These are questions that have been floating around in my mind for awhile now, but which really crystallized last night after watching Garden State. Loved it. Identified with it so much. Bought it today. And the soundtrack too. It's weird making the transtition between being a dependent and an independent...where does one end and the other begin? Not that trying to answer these questions will be of any use at all, but it's still interesting to think about.
Meg's leaving town tomorrow. For real this time. She's going to Berlin to do an internship with the EU. I can't make it out to say goodbye tonight (I was out with her last night), because I have far too much to do. I feel guilty about that, but...hmph. Wow. A lot of memories. She was one of my first friends at McGill and I never would have believed that we would have become so close...lives are changing, people are moving on. I might be too...my grad school applications are being sent out this week....
Thanks for the memories Meg...all the very best...with thoughts of all the fun and all the craziness!!!!
I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out you see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
Posted by alegato at 7:38 PM | Comments (0)
January 3, 2005
Ouch
Argh. Just got home a little while ago from J's level 3...that was a rough class..well, no, the class itself wasn't rough..it was the typical primary series, something I should be used to by now, but after about three weeks off over the holidays it was a bit of a struggle. By the end of my practice my upper body was virtually useless...that hasn't happened to me in a long time. It's crazy how quickly you can lose muscle memory. I thought I was going to die during Surya Namaskara B...and by the time the last vinyasa of the night rolled around my chaturanga was ridiculously pathetic. Backbends sucked. Sirsasana was short because I felt like I was doing something funny to my neck, but I think I'm just paranoid..ever since I did something strange to it about a month ago and lost neck mobility for a good week and a half.
Tomorrow is going to be a day of soreness! But such is this practice...it's my penance for being so undedicated lately! Anyhow, I'm on my way out the door to grab some awesome vegan food with the Vegan and the Actress...while I can still move and am not yet paralysed by muscle soreness.
Posted by alegato at 8:56 PM | Comments (1)
January 2, 2005
Clean Slate
Wow. I feel like it's been a really long time since I last updated...I can't even remember the last time I updated. I've been very busy over the holidays. I had a fabulous, although tiring, Christmas. I worked Christmas Eve, went to mass that night, got up Christmas morning, spent time chilling and opening presents with my mum and stepdad and then the cooking started...I cooked all day, our meal was wonderful. The Neighbours came over to have dinner with us and to take part in a cutthroat game of 90's Trivial Pursuit...it was a lovely Christmas Day...only to be ruined by the fact that I had to be to work by 8am on Boxing Day to work a 10 hour shift! By the end of the day we were all certifiably delirious...albeit not as crazy as some of our customers, like the people changing in the middle of the store, too impatient to wait in the line for change rooms, and the woman who left her baby in the car by itself to come partake in the sales...I think I gave her the dirtiest, most disbelieving look when she told me she'd left her baby in the car..
Thankfully, I was able to recover with four days up at Tremblant. Some great skiing. It was so nice to be outside, on the slopes, away from the city and the craziness (although some of the lift lines could definitely be classified as crazy). Spent a lot of time with my family at Tremblant...there were fourteen of us at my brother's house, which made for some very competitive board-game playing. It was nice to have my mum and stepdad here for the holidays, but tough to deal with them staying at my place the whole time. I love my family, I am extremely close with them, but I also treasure my privacy and am very used to living on my own...but I am very thankful that they were able to make it here and that we were able to be together over the holidays. I'm going home for a week in January to spend time with my dad, stepmum and brother. We're going to have our Christmas then, and I'm looking forward to it, as well as to spending some time at Western with Cherie.
I was back in Montreal on Thursday evening. I worked all day Friday (I was up at 6:30, which didn't seem too bad...until I realised that I wasn't going to go to bed until 4am!). Friday night...New Year's Eve...my plans were still a little unclear by the time 6 o'clock rolled around, but I knew the Roomate and his boyfriend were sticking with me...we had an awesome dinner at home, accompanied by too much pre-drinking. Went over to the Neighbour's for a party...went down to St. Laurent for a bit, but got bored and turned off that scene (especially after a run-in with the Former Crush and his ex-girlfriend), so we met up with the Vegan and brought her back to the Neighbour's party with us...The party was actually way better than I expected it to be. There was a really cool crowd there and after midnight we all headed out to a really divey place around the corner..then the Snowboarder and I went for poutine and we made it home around 3...and that was just about it.
Yesterday was a little painful for all of us. We stayed in bed until about 12:30 when the Neighbour called and forced us to drag our hungover asses out of my room...went out for brunch with the Roommmate, his boyfriend, the Model and the Debater, and then to see the Incredibles, which was quite good.
Today was a great day...we had a gigantic cookingfest with the Model and the Debater..watched Napoleon Dynamite for the millionth time...watched My Bg Fat Greek Wedding on CBC, and just generally hung out. So far it's been a good beginning to 2005.
Tomorrow: work and yoga...as much as I don't believe in resolutions, some things have to change around here, and one of those things is my committment to my practice. I also think I'm going to do another cleanse, to start the year off on the right foot...I'm just not sure when, because I'm not prepared to start it this week, and I'm going home next week, but...soon. I'm also in the midst of grad school application crunch time...reference letters are such an archaic thing...
Happy 2005 to everyone.
My thoughts and prayers are with the tsunami victims...it's shocking to see photos of the exact places I was less than a year ago now in ruins. I feel compelled to do something to really help, but I feel helpless being so far away from it all. Those places and people came to mean so much to me and to see all that has happened is devastating. If I could get on a plane tomorrow and go help I would in a second...for now I'm bullying customers into donating to our Red Cross collection at work.
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless;
And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,
And live believing in the equality of all that lives.
Posted by alegato at 11:12 PM | Comments (0)