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March 28, 2005
No Turning Back Now...
My mum just signed a lease on an apartment in London for me....I guess I'm going to Western for real now.
EEK!
Posted by alegato at 8:09 PM | Comments (1)
Bordering on Insanity
I can't sleep. I've been trying for a little while, but it's futile. I have so much floating, well, really more bouncing than floating, around in my brain right now that I can't even close my eyes. I've tried pretty much every distraction tactic that there is: I played endless games of solitaire until I couldn't see straight, I looked at every single photo I could find in my desk drawers (and there are a lot..pretty much every moment of high school was documented...which was, I have to admit, a very amusing experience), then I read all the letters that my ex-boyfriend (high school boyfriend) wrote to me (okay, I didn't read all of them, I read like, three of them and thought I was going to puke, so I stopped), I listened to The Stars' CD two more times, I read over old journal entries...and then my old room (I'm at my parents' house right now for the long weekend, so my room is like a time capsule from high school)ran out of any further means to entertain me, so I sat in my bed and stared straight ahead and I'm still wide awake.
As soon as I get back into bed I'm bombarded by all the questions: how can I get a mover this quickly? Where do I get the bazillion boxes I'm going to need to pack up my apartment? How can I leave my roommate behind like this with practically no furniture? How can I afford this? When should I tell work? When should my last day at work be? When should my last day in Montreal be? How will I handle leaving? Am I making a huge fucking mistake?
Must breathe and close eyes and think about benign things like butterflies and lollipops and Montreal winters and how much I want to run away to Thailand right now and do stupid things like eat deep-fried bugs and spend the rest of my life snorkelling in Ko Surin for $1 a day...
Posted by alegato at 12:55 AM | Comments (0)
March 26, 2005
Fickle
Wow..I can't believe it's been a week since I last updated. Things have been busy. Things have definitely been busy, and sore, and mildly shocking and disruptive.
So, last Sunday I did the yogathon, the 108 sun salutations to usher in spring and to raise money for two local charities. I went to the yogathon after being out until 4:30am the night before. I dragged myself out of bed and out of the house and down the street to Moksha Yoga Montreal, where the event was being held. We started at noon and a Moksha class had just let out at 11:30, so it was hot. HOT. So freaking hot. I started sweating pretty much before I even started the sun salutations. We'd organized the event so that we had 9 teachers teaching 12 sun sals each. All the teachers were from different yogic traditions. It was so lovely. I started out exhausted and feeling as if I was only participating out of duty, but by the time we got to the second teacher (which took longer than expected, as I'd forgotten that in many disciplines one sun salutation includes both left and right sides and thus is pretty much equal to two Ashtanga sun sals....) I was hooked. I realised that it was an incredibly lovely, peaceful and (oh forgive me for sounding flaky) harmonious way to conduct a charitable event.
By about 60 I was shaky. I left the room for maybe two salutations and scarfed down a granola bar. Then I pushed on. And I'm very proud to say that I finished all 108 sun sals (save for about 3-5 that I missed while eating a couple granola bars). I was the only one from work who finished, and I was so incredibly proud of myself, because I really didn't think I'd make it more than halfway.
I left Moksha to walk home only to find that my legs had essentially turned to rubber. In fact, I couldn't really walk at all. I'm not entirely sure how it is that I didn't collapse.
I was surprised on Monday to find that I really wasn't that sore. That's because my body was being tricky. On Tuesday I woke up to insane muscle soreness in my hamstrings. Not the usual strain that I feel after taking a particularly tough class, no, this was intense pain that made walking difficult. As a matter of fact, walking is still posing some problems to me...well, not walking so much as stairs. I feel like I have 50lb. weights on each of my legs. It's been a week. This is getting to be ridiculous. I've been trying to stretch, but it hurts like hell. For someone who can normally put my hands flat on the floor cold, and touch my forehead to my shins, the fact that right now my fingertips can just barely touch the floor is mildly alarming.
On Wednesday evening I flew into Toronto to spend the long weekend here at home. On Thursday afternoon I sent my weekly email to the journalism secretary at Western, fully expecting the usual, "Sorry, but no" response, and I was actually okay with that. I figured that if I didn't get into Western it would make my life easier, as I wouldn't have to choose. To my surprise, I received a reply congratualting me on being offered admission to the program. My response? "Oh shit..." Now I have to make a decision. I'm really bad at making decisions that involve leaving Montreal. I invariably never stick to them. And despite all I said about being ready to move on...I'm now finding the very tangible notion of leaving to be a difficult one.
But I'm lucky. I'm lucky because I have a choice. I'm lucky because I have family that will support me, in every way possible, no matter what I choose. I'm lucky because I have friends in both places. And I'm lucky because, as my Fake Aunt (AKA my mum's best friend) said to me as I was leaving her house after dinner last night: "Whatever you choose will be a good choice. There is not bad choice."
So, I now officially have two weeks to decide.
I drove back to my mum's from my dad's house tonight listening to the stunningly lovely new album by The Stars, thinking about leaving it all behind, thinking about friends and memories and how maybe the problem is that, in my head, I've come to define my identity as something that's inextricably linked with Montreal, and I feel like I can't be me without it. I'm co-dependent with my city...not like of could have chosen something more portable, like, a person or an animal or, I dunno, a substance, with whom to be co-dependent!
Anyhow...there's no use in over-analysing now...I'm having Easter dinner at my step-sister's house in London tomorrow, so I'll get to spend some more time there, get my thoughts in order.
Right now I'm leaning towards London, but that will probably change by the morning. I am so fickle.
Posted by alegato at 11:51 PM | Comments (3)
March 19, 2005
Blah, blah, blah...
Not too much new to mention.
I emailed Western the other day and found that I'm now 4th on the waiting list instead of 7th, which is promising.
The week's been pretty normal...I ended up skipping out on St. Patrick's Day entirely and going to bed exhausted by 9:30 instead! Went to the McGill fashion show last night, which was really well done. The Model did an awesome job, and it was great that so many of us showed up to cheer for her. I fell in love with one of the male models, and somehow after the show he approached me and we started chatting. He came out with us, but he ended up at Orchid and we went to Pistol...we were supposed to meet up again at Orchid, but I got so comfortable at Pistol, and time flew and somehow it was 3am and everything was closing...anyhow, he gave me his number. Not sure if I'll call it.
Today the Roommate and I slept in and then made a lovely brunch. Lazed around into the early afternoon (it's difficult for us type A's to do!). This afternoon I went for a giganticly long walk, visited the Model and the Neighbour at their store. Laughed to myself as I walking along St. Denis and saw cafe tables outside and people sitting at them, eating and drinking contentedly as though it was hot it...well...it is, relatively...it's 3 degrees above zero (celsius), it's a veritable heat waved. Looks like spring might actually be on its way.
Speaking of...tomorrow is officially the first day of spring and thus it is also our day of 108 sun salutations....I am going to die. That's 108 chaturangas, not even counting if we do B's or not. We're having a bunch of different teachers teach about 10 sun sals each, and they're all from different yoga traditions, which should make it more interesting and less insane. I will definitely be throwing in some child's pose....
Happy spring!
Posted by alegato at 5:51 PM | Comments (0)
March 16, 2005
Lack of Yoga
Looks like this is yet another week in which I've made too many commitments to too many things and left little time for yoga. Monday through Wednesday were out o the question--ladies' holiday. Thursday and Friday I work early and have plans in the evening (getting togther with friends and going to the Model's fashion show, respectively), and, we'll see about Saturday, but seeing as I'm going to the fashion show that's not looking good either. Well, I'm doing the 108 sun salutations on Sunday at least...we're ushering in spring and raising money for breast cancer research and resources.
In other news...there isn't really any other news...had a great time at the St. Paddy's parade on Sunday...a fun day spent with a lot of friends. Yesterday I got really pretty new shoes. And that's about it. I haven't heard anything new from Western...I'm going to email them this morning for an update. I just had to interupt writing this to go clean up my cat's vomit...I seem to have a bulimic cat! Every once in awhile, he gets so excited about food that he eats ALL his food in about 5 minutes and then he throws up..and always on the area rug in my room...why? Why always on the rug?!?
Anyhow...I'm off to email Western...keep your fingers crossed!!
Posted by alegato at 9:17 AM | Comments (0)
March 11, 2005
Waitlisted
ARGH. So, after still not hearing anything from Western, and getting increasingly antsy thinking that maybe my application was lost or misplaced, I called the office of the Dean of Journalism yesterday. Left a message about the situation, expected that they'd call back later in the day and just leave a message on my phone, but no, they called back while I was still on lunch break, hanging out chatting with two of my bosses, and they told me I was 7th on the waiting list. She said that there's a "reasonably good chance" that I'll get in. Basically, they sent out 50 offers and can accept as many as 45 people in the program, thus I am 12th in line. So, I was shocked, but thought I was okay, and then as soon as my bosses asked me about the call I told them I'd been waitlisted and promptly burst into tears. Evidently I feel the need to cry at work about once ever six months! I didn't realise until I heard I was waitlisted how badly I really wanted to go to Western. And it's not about the school, it's not. As I told my mum, "I just really wanted to go home." So, I eventually pulled myself together and I'm fine now, it just came as a huge shock, especially since I was one of twenty-two selected at Concordia...although Concordia had a much more extensive application process: essay (so did Western), as well as a very extensive English/curent events exam and an interview (neither of which Western had). It's all so subjective.
So I took class with J last night after work. I walked in and she said, "Where have you been???" I realised that I hadn't been to that studio in over a month...I'd been to Darby's, but not much, between being sick and going away I didn't get much practice in last month. So, I proceeded to have what was quite possibly the worst class of my life. Nothing major went wrong, it was just that nothing really felt like it went well either. NOTHING. Except for my second virbhadrasana B, which I thought was better than usual.
Sun salutations were torture, which is especially bad, because on the 20th of the month I'm participating in a 108 sun salutation "yogathon" that we're doing to (a) usher in spring and (b) to raise money for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. Last night 10 were absolute torture, I haven't the slightest clue how I'm going to do 108! My chaturangas were weak, I knew I wasn't keeping my shoulders back.
Progressed through standing postures, lost any semblance of balance that I ever had (I don't have much to begin with!!). Actually, for some reason I was really dizzy during balancing postures...the prasarita series tends to make me dizzy, but only briefly...could have just been low blood sugar. I'd lost all enthusiasm by the time we got to seated postures. I'm not even going to talk about kurmasana and supta kurmasana. I've actually gone backwards since last year. What really upset me was that there was no getting my arms through in garbha...which at the time I decided, in my negative frame of mind, was because my thighs were too large, but in more rational retrospect, I think it's because my hips are kind of tight and my lotus isn't as tight as it used to be.
I somehow managed to muster a few really good backbends, but, given the emotional turmoil of the day, backbends brought everything back to the surface and...yeah...that was fun..I somehow managed a good savasana, I suppose I needed it.
After class, J told me that she thought I'd looked great and very relaxed. I looked at her disbelievingly and told her how terribly effortful the whole class had felt. She was like, "No, you looked great." So, obviously my mood was affecting my perception. Before I left she told me that she loves having me in her classes and she gave me a big hug..I'm sure I was giving off some sad vibes.
Anyhow, this morning I'm seeing things in a better light. Yesterday I was honestly just shocked...I was still shaking an hour after I got the news. Relative to all the horrible things in the world, my news was insignificant, but I think I'd been so stressed out about it for so long, and that had all just built up. Now it's a waiting game...there's a possibility that I won't find out until a couple weeks before the program starts (in May), which will make moving to another province a bit of a pain, but, thank goodness, my mum is planning on helping me no matter what, even if we have to pack up this apartment at the drop of a hat. What would I do without her? And if not, Concordia has a really well-known, reputable program, and that wouldn't be so bad...it just wouldn't be home.
Anyhow, everything will fall into place, everything will be fine, I'll be fine. Must do more yoga!
Posted by alegato at 8:08 AM | Comments (2)
March 7, 2005
I was afraid this might happen...
Stupid hamstring injury that won't go away. So, yesterday when we got into the Ottawa airport we were planning on taking a taxi to the bus station, bussing back to Montreal and then cabbing home from the bus station...but after having travelled for the whole day we said, "Fuck it" and rented a car instead. Here's the thing: I've noticed that sitting for a long time in an upright seated position causes my hamstring injury to start aching again...don't ask me why, but it does, and sure enough, I'm sitting on my couch this evening, catching up on some online reading, and the hamstring's throbbing like crazy...this is getting to be ridiculous! Now I'm afraid to practise tomorrow, because last time I tried to practise when my hamstring was acting up like this I had a brutal practice..each vinyasa (well, I guess the jumpback portion really) was painful and E had to come over and make sure I was okay, because I kept wincing. Stupid upavishta konasana on my last day of practice in India...you just had to put your chin on the ground, didn't you Andrea?!?!?
Posted by alegato at 8:47 PM | Comments (2)
Back to the snow.
Allow me to point out that yesterday I was here:
And today I am here (please note that snow is still falling, and has been all day!):
We had a really fabulous holiday. It started off horribly...after the whole "Your hotel is overbooked" fiasco, not to mention getting up at 2:45am, getting to the airport at 3:45am, for our 6am flight, and being told by a way too chipper airport employee that our flight had been delayed until 9...9 became 11, and after 7 hours at the airport and the hotel debacle I was ready to lose it (lack of sleep didn't help). Oh, and the really fun part was that our tour company (Sunwing...never travel with them!) wouldn't even talk to us. They would only communicate with us through our travel agent. When I called and tried to talk to the company I got hung up on twice, once by a supervisor...even though I wasn't yelling or being abrasive, I was simply asking them to account for the error and to be compensated for it. Then, THEN, the icing on the cake, was when, on our way to the Parliament Buildings in Ottawa, the afternoon before we left, I got a call from my travel agent asking me if I really wanted her to cancel the trip. We told her that no, we definitely didn't want her to cancel it and that we'd never said anything remotely like that...turns out the supervisor who hung up on me had called our travel agent and told her to cancel our trip, as per "our request." Good thing she called to check with us first. I have never been so appalled at a company's lack of customer service and unwillingness to even speak to the people who have paid them thousands of dollars to go on holiday with their company! Okay..rant over, but it will be continued in the letter that I'm sending to Sunwing, and which I plan to CC to the Better Business Bureau.
Anyhow, we got switched to our rightful hotel by our wonderful Cuban holiday rep (after two nights at the icky hotel that we'd been switched to). We spent out week reading endlessly, swimming, walking on the beach, playing daily tennis matches and indulging in nightly cappuccinos and mojitos at the piano bar. We were always asleep by around 10 and up by 7-ish...we didn't do much of anything, which was exactly what both of us wanted. It was splendid.
Got back to Montreal yesterday evening...and I'm still unsure of whether I'm going to still be living here in abother 6 weeks or not. I've begun checking the mail obsessively. Although...today I was sitting in front of my computer when all of the sudden an email popped up in my inbox...
"Dear Andrea,
Congratulations! After careful consideration of a very fine pool of applicants, I am delighted to invite you to be part of the Graduate Diploma Program for 2005-2006. This is a special year for us, and we want you to be part of it. The Department of Journalism will be celebrating its 30th anniversary in the fall and we will be moving into our new building on the Loyola Campus in August."
I'm brimming with (too much) pride this afternoon...1 of 22 chosen for the program, out of about 100 applicants! Waiting to hear from Western...waiting to decide...should I stay or should I go? The other night I had a dream that I got rejected from Western...but that same night I also had a dream I was riding an indignant, talking horse through the streets of Montreal, so I'm not going to put too much faith in the reality of my dreams from that night!! Actually, I've been having really weird dreams...the night after the talking horse dream, I had a dream (nightmare really) that I had a new boss at work: Hitler...how weird is that? I've been having lots of anxious dreams about work actually...I'm eager to move on to something new. I can't wait to go back to school.
Something is pulling me back towards Ontario...it all comes down to Western now, and whether or not they can offer me the same kinds of post-internship employment opportunities. The weird thing is, for the first time in nearly 5 years, I'm okay with the idea of leaving Montreal...almost all my friends are leaving, and it just feels like it's time. People keep asking me, "Why would you leave?" And my response is, "Why would I stay?" Waiting for good news to land in my mailbox...
Back to practice tomorrow.
Posted by alegato at 5:03 PM | Comments (0)