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June 27, 2005
Scary
London led the national news today, because overnight four people were murdered, and two police officers were shot (but have been released from hospital)...and it all happened about five blocks from my house. I woke up in the middle of the night angry because I'd been wakened by siren after siren after siren. Now I know why. Apparently two of the victims were children. Very little information is being released right now. I can't imagine the horror and fear that must have filled that home, and my heart goes out to the victims, their family and their neighbours. What an awful, awful thing.
I had a nice weekend at home. BBQ with my aunt who's visiting from Singapore for the next six weeks (with my uncle and their three boys). No yoga. Short practice this evening. Things are going well at school. Three days til Montreal!
More later...for now, bed.
Posted by alegato at 10:43 PM | Comments (0)
June 22, 2005
Procrastination
I'm blogging because the alternative is to write a paper on polling, and that's just plain bleak. Blogging is far superior. Unfortunately I have absolutely nothing to say. So I guess I'll just blather on for awhile.
-I got my plane ticket to Montreal today. This makes me extraordinarily happy because (a) I heart Montreal, (b) even more than Montreal, I heart my friends in Montreal, (c) I need, NEED, DESPERATELY NEED to get out of London and go somewhere that is indubitably better.
-I haven't practised since Sunday and I don't know when I'm going to practise again, because all this 9 hours a day at school bullshit is kicking the crap out of me and causing me to go to bed at 10 because my eyes start to go blurry and can't seem to fully focus again until I get up at 7
-I'm jealous that the Model is in Tokyo, but flattered that she really, really wanted to call me when she got drunk on the weekend, but she couldn't remember my (new) number
-I strongly dislike London
-I love the people in my program--intelligence and writing talent galore--who knew there were other people who also think there's nothing better than a blank page and a deadline
-I love wine...but I shouldn't drink it when I'm trying to do school work, because it makes me tireder (yes, I know that isn't a word) that I already am (case in point: last night)
-I think it's almost time for a new mat, and I want one of these
-I need a hair cut, but am so, oh-so-afraid of new hair stylists...I've had too many bad experiences with people who don't know how to cut curly hair....perhaps a haircut in Montreal with my regular stylist (how affected is that, flying to Montreal for a haircut?!?!?!)?
-I've almost completely (accidentally) cut dairy out of my diet...although I just had a salad with feta on it...not that I'm anti-dairy, but really...drinking someone else's milk is just plain weird
-I'm having a hard time figuring out where I am right now. Am I happy or am I just plain indifferent? I'm defintely not doing-cartwheels happy like I was in Montreal, but I think that as the summer progresses I'm getting more and more happy...adjusting...understanding that this is a new place with new people, new friends...
-I'm beginning to learn that I'm not a medium-sized-town kind of girl: I think for me it's going to be Toronto or Montreal once I make it to the big-time, the real world, the majors (i.e. once I get a real person job)
-I want to go sit on a terasse and drink sangria RIGHT NOW
-a lady who's writing a book on body image read my blog and is interviewing me for it next week...how crazy is that?!?!
-I'm going to Tokyo (the club, not the city, sadly) next weekend, and will try not to die of smoke inhalation like I did last time (why do they still have smoking in Quebec? WHY?)
-I hate polling, but my essay is calling my name
-I hate media databases
Posted by alegato at 6:59 PM | Comments (1)
June 21, 2005
Le Weekend
Wow...it's been awhile since I've blogged, especially because I'd been getting back into the routine of blogging nearly every day. My computer got really screwed up in the past couple weeks, and I finally took it in on Friday to get fixed. I still don't have it back, but I caved tonight and rented one, becasue trying to write and research papers without a computer is a huge pain in the ass, and I don't feel like being stuck at school for 11 hours again, like I was yesterday.
So, I had a fantastic weekend. I went home on Friday afternoon. My mum, stepdad and I went out for dinner, which was really, really nice. We had some good conversations about my program and how much I'm enjoying it (well, until this week, but I'll get to that later).
I went to class with Cheryl on Saturday morning. It was pretty much an intro class, but sometimes I really love those. Often I find them more intense than doing the full series, because breaking everything down to its barest elements can be...really insanely difficult. Anyhow, I had a great practice, but I was exhausted afterwards.
On Sunday morning I did mysore with Katie. I haven't seen Katie in about a year and it was so great to see her, we were both really excited.
I had a great, intense practice. I did full primary, no cheating, for the first time in a really long time. And I realised that if I had a teacher to give me adjustments and help me out with my practice I would love it and be so much more dedicated to it than I am to my lonely self-practice. I LOVE having a teacher there to help me out and keep track of my practice. It's such a wonderful motivation. I miss it desperately.
I was so tired by the end of practice though that I didn't do any dropbacks or anything...jsut three UD's and finishing. Long savasana. Katie got my hands all the way to the floor in prasarita C though...for the first time ever...yippee! That's was exciting. It was splendid, because there were only three of us practising, so we all got loads of adjustments.
Katie and I chatted for a while afterwards, caught up on what's been going on with both of us, talked about how much we both want to go back to Mysore etc. Hopefully I'll get to take a lot of classes with her over the summer.
Yesterday I started the television portion of my program. I hate it. I loved, LOVED print. But I have absolutely no interest in tv, and so that's making it kind of shitty. Especially because my group worked for close to 6 hours today just to produce a one minute story. ONE MINUTE.
There's something about writing that I just love, that's seems so much more pure than television production. I think that quality television production has its place, for sure, it's just not for me. But, it's a requirement, so I have to take it this semester and next...trying to make the best of it. Except that I hate it.
Just working on getting through the week...I was at school for 11 hours yesterday and over 8 hours today...I'm exhausted. I have another paper due this week on top of all the television stuff, so...I should get back to my research (this week it's on media coverage of polling).
I'm sure I've forgotten about half the things I wanted to write here. More when I remember....
Posted by alegato at 7:06 PM | Comments (1)
June 16, 2005
R.W.
I'm finishing up my think tanks paper and listening to Rufus Wainwright's Want Two (and throwing in the odd tittibasana into bakasana into vinyasa every once in awhile when I get bored....crazy yogis). I haven't listened to this cd in quite awhile (probably because ever since Asia I was in Rufus Wainwright overdose mode) and I'm suddenly struck by how much I love it. And by how the first track takes me right back to the opening of his concert in December. What an incredible concert. INCREDIBLE.
Everything about it: Rufus, the McGarigals (sic), the venue, Outremont blanketed in snow when we stepped out into the night, fighting for cabs on Parc Ave., getting in a snow ball fight with other pedestrians on the way home, having to throw our coats and hats and mittens into the bathtub when we got home, because they were so entirely coated in snow, the Christmas tree in the living room....
Fuck I miss that city. So much magic in all the craziest places.
On my iPod: Agnus Dei, One You Love --both Rufus Wainwright
Posted by alegato at 10:01 PM | Comments (1)
Dizzy and shaky
So, here's how my morning went: alarm went off at 6, I hit the snooze button and in the intervening time thought, 'Wait, if I practise at home I can sleep in for another hour...no...another hour and a half, because I don't have to be at school until 9:30!' What I didn't realise at the time was that I was wrong...I don't know what I was thinking, but when I have to be at school for 9:30 it means I have to leave the house at 9, which means I have to start getting ready around 8, 8:15 at the latest. Anyhow...I made it onto the mat around 7:15 and promptly realised that my hamstrings were incredibly stiff. Perhaps it's because of the weather change from hot and humid to damp and rainy? Whatever...sun sals were like torture..I was so stiff and everything just felt heavy, heavy, heavy. But I made it through, stopping after my first couple standing postures to eat a granola bar, because I was so shaky...hypoglycemic shaky...(which is funny, because lately, since I've cut out most refined sugars and flours, my blood sugar has seemed to be more stable, and I've been fine not eating before practice in the morning)...as I moved through the standing series my hamstrings started to loosen up...enough that by the time I got to the prasaritas, my head was on the floor in all but B, which is something that hasn't happened in awhile. Strangely though, when I stood up from prasarita C I was SO dizzy. I'm usually a little dizzy at that point, but today I was full-out dizzy..I thought I was going to faint (which I have been known to do on occasion), but managed to avoid it. Finished standing series and realised I was really short on time, so I did a few minutes of seated meditation and then a short savasana. I am glad that I practised though, rather than sleeping through it..it was worth it.
Western made national news today, because today's the day that Dr. Henry Morgentaler is receiving an honorary doctor of laws from Western. For those who don't know, Morgentaler is a controversial figure in Canada, most notably for his fight to make abortions legal, a fight that he won in a case that went to the Supreme Court in 1988. Protesters galore on campus this morning...we had to write an opinion piece on it. Here's mine:
Being confronted by magnified photos of aborted foetuses upon entering the University of Western Ontario’s gates this morning was unpleasant at best. Pro-life protesters lined the campus’ sidewalks with placards, graphic photos and anti-abortion slogans in opposition to UWO conferring Dr. Henry Morgentaler an honorary doctor of laws degree during a convocation ceremony this morning.
Admittedly though, as much as I disagree with the message the anti-abortion protesters are conveying, I appreciate the freedoms of speech and demonstration that we have as Canadians. Of course, it is on the grounds of freedom of speech that the protesters protest, but ironically, it is also on that same basis that Morgentaler is receiving his honorary degree.
Morgentaler’s fame (or infamy, depending on who is asked) came from his hard fought battle in the Supreme Court of Canada to legalise abortion, which he won in 1988. Morgentaler’s pro-choice argument was based on section 7 of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which guarantees, “life, liberty and security of the person.�
The Supreme Court ruled that forcing pregnant women to trek through a veritable jungle of red tape in order to obtain the right to have an abortion (in accordance with an earlier law) interfered, “…with a woman’s physical and bodily integrity. Forcing a woman, by threat of criminal sanction, to carry a foetus to term unless she meets certain criteria unrelated to her own priorities and aspirations, is a profound interference with a woman’s body and
thus an infringement of security of the person.� It was in the name of human rights and freedoms, the same freedoms that allow
protesters to be heard, that women were given the right to choose. And in that sense, Dr. Morgentaler is a human rights crusader, a charge for which no one should be condemned.
Morgentaler is well-versed in the abuses of human rights. A survivor of Auschwitz, Morgentaler came to Canada after the Second World War and opened a family medicine practice in Montreal. It was in 1969, after having witnessed severe injuries, infections and even death in women who had undergone botched abortions that Morgentaler began performing illegal abortions.
Morgentaler believed in a woman’s right to choose not only whether or not she would have a baby, but also how her body would be treated. Morgentaler’s clinic gave women the option of receiving an abortion in a sterile, safe environment, a choice that hadn’t always been available previously.
The courage, initiative and unflappable sense of determination shown by Morgentaler make him a very deserving recipient of UWO’s award. Morgentaler’s tireless fight tosave women’s lives, prevent unwanted children and give women the right to decide what will or won’t be done to their bodies is laudable.
And while those anti-abortion activists who flooded onto UWO’s campus this morning are equally entitled to their views, they are not entitled to tell women what can or can’t happen to their bodies. Nor should they denounce a man who increased the freedom available to citizens of this nation. Democracy is fundamentally about the bestowal of rights upon citizens, not about the elimination of those freedoms.
Okay..off to harass people at walk-in clinics to see if someone will let me interview them for the story I'm doing on family doctor shortages...
Posted by alegato at 1:44 PM
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Yay...I just realised that I'm going to get to practise with Katie at her shala while I'm home over the weekend!
Posted by alegato at 9:44 PM
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How much do I LOVE this song? Coldplay, I love you. You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me And i could write a song a hundred miles long You put me on a line and hung me out to dry And i could write a book, the one they’ll say that shook And i could write a song a hundred miles long
Posted by alegato at 8:29 AM
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Just as I thought I'd settled all my financial woes I got a bill in the mail from Hydro Quebec. I figured it would be maybe like $50 to settle and close my account with them. HOW? HOW? And of course they're closed now and I can't talked to them until tomorrow. Tried calling the Former Roommate, but got his voicemail. I don't have $583.14 to give to Hydro Quebec!
Posted by alegato at 5:38 PM
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If I had known that we weren't going to be given an assignment in class today (what is this, some sympathy, some lenience from our profs?? I don't understand!)then I wouldn't have gotten up at 6 to practise. I would have slept in until like, 8 and then practised, but, such is life. Ah yes. The days of teenage "love." He kills me. He's so secretly concerned about the whole thing. He's hilarious. Yes, I think it's pathetic too that I'm talking about my brother's love life and not my own, but....it's not my fault. I found out through hearsay that my prospect has a girlfriend. He somehow forgot to mention that during our lengthy conversations/witty repartee/drunken musing. Hmph. Does this surprise me? Am I shocked and awed? Hell no...I'm definitely more jaded than that by now! Listening to (obviously not on my iPod): CBC Radio One, the Roundup (i.e. pretty much the cheesiest radio show of all time, but I love it!).
Posted by alegato at 2:24 PM
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So, hm...where did I leave off? On my iPod: The First Day of My Life --Bright Eyes
Posted by alegato at 1:41 PM
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I just realised that it's been a month since I started school. It's gone by so quickly. It just keeps picking up speed as they load us up with more and more work. On my iPod: The first five times --The Stars
Posted by alegato at 10:41 PM
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It's approximately a million degrees in my apartment (okay, 35-ish, i.e. 95 Farenheit). The heat wasn't bothering me until I started doing some chores around the house and then sweat started pouring off me. Since Asia, I never seem to feel heat. I never feel hot (after 45 degree heat with the most insane humidity in Bangkok, nothing is hot!). I just hate being so sweaty and sticky. I have more school work than it is humanly possible to complete. But....tomorrow's Thursday night, and that means it's hardcore J-school party night. Yippee! Ladies' holiday...no yoga. But sitting in my apartment is pretty much equivalent to doing Bikram. On my iPod: You ex-lover is dead --The Stars (my favourite Stars song)
Posted by alegato at 10:15 PM
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Bam...there it was...a perfect excuse not to practise: it's a moon day. I even had it on my calendar and didn't notice...hmph. SO MUCH WORK. On my iPod: Hold On --Wilson Philips (don't ask..it's a joke with me and my former co-workers...)
Posted by alegato at 1:48 PM
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I wouldn't be so bold as to call what I just did Ashtanga. No, no, it was more of a half-assed approximation of Ashtanga. I didn't sleep well last night. A thunderstorm kept me awake until close to 12. Then when I got up this morning at 6 I tried to come up with some kind of excuse, anything, to avoud practising, but, no such luck, so I hit the mat at about 6:20 (at the gym).
Posted by alegato at 8:00 AM
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I'm at home this weekend, chilling with my family and getting more school work done than I probably would back in London.
Posted by alegato at 9:29 AM
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Hm, well, that was probably the most demoralising experience I've had in...a long time.
Posted by alegato at 2:52 PM
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On my iPod: Just Friends --Jeremy Fisher, Homesick --Kings of Convenience
June 15, 2005
Yippee!
Katie is my teacher when I'm at home visiting my parents. We kind of knew each other from her shala, and then we got to spend a lot more time together because we ended up being in Mysore at the same time. Love her. Anyhow, I haven't seen her in nearly a year because (a) I moved back to Montreal and (b) Before I moved back to Montreal last summer I had to take some time off from practice thanks to the hamstring issues...
So I'm going home this weekend because it's my mum and stepdad's anniversary on Friday, so we're going out for dinner, and then Sunday is Father's Day, so I'm spending Saturday and Sunday with my dad, stepmum and my brother (who remains smitten with the girl....!). Anyhow, I was reading Katie's shala's schedule and discovered that they've added a Sunday morning mysore class from 7:30-9 that Katie teaches. I'm definitely looking forward to it.
Didn't practise ce matin, because I woke up at 5:48 and in a moment of sleep-deprived rage thought, 'There's no way I'm going to get up in 12 minutes.' So I turned my alarm off and went back to sleep. Which is somewhat ironic, because last night I was thinking, 'Wow, once you start with this whole getting up early thing it's really not that bad.' Yeah right. I'm fine once I get up...it's getting up and fighting that early morning irrational rationale that screams "NO! NO! GO BACK TO BED IMMEDIATELY AND SLEEP FOR ANOTHER 2.5 HOURS!!!!"that's the problem! I am such a morning person (she said sarcastically).
Anyhow, I am getting up and practising tomorrow...I am, I am, I am! I've decided that jumping head first into the whole 6 days a week thing might be a little ambitious (here she goes, rationalizing again)...so right now I'm aiming for 3-4 practices a week, and then hopefully I can bump it up to 5...I don't know if I'll ever get to 6...not unless yoga is the only thing I have to do...like in India...yoga, napping and reading...those were my only obligations (well, and buying way too much stuff at Rashinkar, but...whatever).
Okay, writing that entry was a huge exercise in procrastination...back to the essay...
I'm having a torrid affair with think tanks.
On my iPod: Swallowed in the Sea --Coldplay (because I'm an addict), 'Til Kingdom Come --Coldplay (leave me alone....I'm on an obsessive kick, nothing wrong with that!)Swallowed By the Sea
And that’s what made me see where i was going wrong
You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself, you can only blame me
Well, that’s where i belong and you belong with me
And i could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea
And darling, that’s when i decided to go see
You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
Made me realize what i could not see
The world and then it took, it took it back from me
And i could write it down or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you’ll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea
Well, that’s where i belong and you belong with me
The streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where i belong and you belong with me
Oh, what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see
Oh, the streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that’s where i belong and you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me, not swallowed in the sea
--ColdplayJune 14, 2005
WHAT?!
Much to my surprise and the detriment of my health, the balance due is apparently $583.14. How is that possible??? Our monthly bills were about $100/month and we each paid half. I was up-to-date with my payments when I left in April. How is it possible that I just got a bill for nearly $600?
Shit.Hostile Andrea
I made it onto the mat around 6:30 at the gym. I found today that I was having a really hard time concentrating and staying with my breath. It really didn't help that trainers kept bringing their victims into the room to do ball-squats and..other...gym stuff. The first trainer-victim pair weren't too bad. They were in the room during the whole standing series, but they were fairly quiet. Then as I was moving through seated postures a trainer brought her client in and propped the door open. I almost lost it, but decided instead to try to ignore it and focus on my practice. Difficult when all kinds of air conditioned air is breezing into the room. My hostility was reaching a peak (in my head) when they finally left. I promptly stood up and closed the door behind them. I should have just asked them to close the door, but...being typically, annoyingly Canadian "I didn't want to be rude." Anyhow, the rest of my practice was fine. I just went up to upavishta konasana (time constraints) and then threw in a Darby-esque bit of back opening (basically the first four or so back-opening postures from second series) before my backbends. It opened up my back nicely and I was good and warm, so that when I walked my hands in on my last backbend I got to, what I think waa, probably the closest I've ever gotten to my heels. And then my feet promptly flew out from under me and I came crashing down on my bum with a gigantic thud. Because I am graceful. Yes I am. You have no idea.
I'm beginning to think that I could do good business evangelising at the gym. I could get a podium and a microphone an I could walk around touting the benefits of yoga. I think that all those poor people who are tortured on a daily basis by their (sometimes mean, from what I've heard) trainers might be interested to know that I'm actually burning more calories than they are. Little do they know. I know that I look like I've just stretching and chanting and sweat for no reaason at all, but in fact, that's not the case at all. Think abotu the revolution I could start. I think my gym might frown upon it. Kind of like they frown upon me and my subversive yoga. Especially because I refuse to make an appointment to learn about all their machines...they really don't understand why I'm a member if I don't want to know about machines (anyway, seriously, what's to know really?).
My brother's saga continues. He tries to be such a macho 15 year old, but secretly he's really worried that this girl he met on the weekend won't call him. He's hilarious. Rough outline of our conversation last night:
Andrea: So, have you talked to the girl?
Andrea's brother: No, I don't have her number, she has mine.
Andrea: WHAT?!? Have a never taught you anything? You need to always remain in control of EVERYTHING.
Andrea's brother: Well, I didn't have time to get it. Mum and Dad made me leave. But if she doesn't call me it's her loss. I don't care.
Andrea: Yeah, you're right. So, how's school going? When's your next golf tournament?
Andrea's Brother: Um, can I ask you a question?
Andrea: Sure, what is it?
Andrea's Brother: Nothing, never mind.
Andrea: Okay. So about your golf game...
Andrea's Brother: Um it's fine. Um...is there like some kind of rule about how long she has to wait to call me? Like, what if she doesn't call me? I want to see her on the weekend. What if she never calls? I might never see her again. What will I do then?
Okay, I'm going to go work on my think tanks paper, because I love think tanks so damn much. I think our prof chose think tanks as a topic because he couldn't think of anything more boring. Honestly, we're reading a book called "Do Think Tanks Matter?" Who writes books like that? WHO?
I heart think tanks and they heart me.June 13, 2005
Catching Up
Things got a little more normal with schoolwork by the end of last week, and my class was able to enjoy our traditional night out on Thursday. The tradition has come to include me being one of the last three or four people to go home...and that tradition continued. The thing is, the other people who stay out as late as me always change, I'm the common denominator. Must try to go home earlier so as not to feel so shitty on Friday after four hours of sleep.
Friday was lovely and indulgent though in that I did barely anything. I bought a book I needed for one of my classes. Did some reading. Wrote an article for luluzine. Did a home practice (which was fantastic and therapeutic and not too hot, despite the 35 degree heat).
Saturday I had to attend a conference at the law school about media and law. It was pretty good, it's just too bad that it took up my whole Saturday. It was another georgous, hot day here and all I wanted to do was go read in the hammock at the cottage, but alas...
I did make it down to the cottage though on Saturday evening, and spent a relaxing 23 or so hours there before having to turn around and come back to London to write my article on the conference. I fully intended on practising at the cottage. Brought my mat, but in a stroke of brilliance didn't bring any clothes in which to practise, which left me the option of practising in (a) a short skirt or(b) linen dress-pants that I'd worn to the conference, because that was all I had with me...hence, no practice. Must plan better in future.
Writing the article would have taken less time if I had turned off msn and hadn't kept chatting with everyone who messaged me...but...no such rationale, so I didn't finish until nearly 11:30 last night.
I was still hoping to make it to practice this morning, but wrote that plan off after I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep until after 4:30 this morning. I don't know why I woke up, I don't know why I couldn't get back to sleep, but I had a million thoughts running through my head.
I actually seriously considered getting up and blogging, because I thought that might be an effective way to empty my mind, but then I decided it was a stupid idea and trying to sleep was a better one.
I talked to my dad for the first time in awhile last night. He, my stepmum and my brother had been away for the weekend visiting family friends for thieir twin sons' bar mitzvahs..and my little, precious brother met a girl! He kills me. He's 15 and officially taller than me now. Lately when I've called home and he's answered the phone I've been like, "Who is this?" because his voice is like this deep baritone now. And in his own, immodest 15 year old words, "All the girls were looking at me, because I'm so attractive." Eek!
I'm sad I missed the weekend, because I've been friends with my parents' friends' daughter since I was three, but haven't seen her in years...stupid conference. Maybe I'll drop by their place next time I'm in Montreal though (figures, they move to Montreal just as I move away).
Otherwise...not too much to say. I have an article due in three hours and need to get to it, but I need to write myself a reminder to write later about the speaker we had today in class (on whom I'm writing my article), Wilson Southam. He's a fascinating, educated, erudite man with some very non-mainstream, but nonetheless HIGHLY valid views about our consumption as a culture and how to lead sustainable lives. The man's from a huge, bazillionaire media family in Canada, but he doesn't own a car, hasn't flown in six years, has taken two cabs in the past two years, grows his own food and in trying to get his house entirely off the electricity grid...and he's 74. Incroyable.June 8, 2005
One more thing...
I guess I haven't really talked about school that much on here. But here's the thing: despite the complaining, I really love it. I love what I'm doing. I feel like it's the right thing for me. I love having to analyse every single word that I write in an article. I love that my life is all about writing. I love that I feel like I really "get" it.
It's funny how adaptable people are. A month ago, after my first day of school, I came home and cried and thought that I'd definitely made the wrong decision (incidentally, I did the same thing after my first day at McGill). But, I took my own advice and gave everything: the program, the people and the place, another chance, and now, things are splendid.
I'm having a ton of fun with the people in my class. I'm doing well academically. I feel satisfied with my decision. I have yet to embrace London, but...that might be an impossible battle to win.
And I just had a flashback to the day I left Montreal...in the morning when I heard "Good Riddance (Time of your life)" (cheesy, I know, but, nonetheless...) on the radio and had to run to the bathroom and lean against the wall for a couple minutes and try to pull myself together...when it finally came time to go, hugging the roommate, feeling my eyes fill with tears and running out of the apartment, saying to my mum as I got into the car, "This is the part where I lose it," and completely breaking down. It's etched in my memory. I can remember it perfectly. But I'm not sad about it anymore. It makes me smile, because it makes me realise how lucky I was to have such a fabulous time in Montreal with such fabulous people.
And now I'm here with more wonderful people. More great memories. I feel like I'm in the right place.Sticky
June 6, 2005
Excuse
Oh well, it's better that I went anyway. And now I can blame my pathetic performance on the new moon.Approximately Ashtanga
Sun sals went nicely. I had a nice sweat going after 5 A's and 3 B's. Flowed nicely (and I think really quickly) through standing postures. My balancing postures have gotten really good lately. I don't know what changed. I always struggled with them, but in the last month or so they've been fantastic.
The bottom fell out once I got to seated postures though. I couldn't focus. Practice felt heavy and way too full of effort. Vinyasas were difficult, because I'd forgotten to tape my toes, and thus the lovely scabby-blister sandal-induced wounds on my baby toes were continuously at risk of being ripped off...so I had to do everything very gingerly. It also made certain postures, like, Triang Mukha Eka Pada Paschimottanasana, impossible, and others, like janu B, difficult at best.
I ended up only going up to bada konasana (and I skipped supta kurmasana and garba pindasana, bad lady). Bada konasana was really brutal for some reason today...like painful brutal...tried to breathe through it, but it was awful. After bada konasana I fooled around with some back-opening stuff...salabhasana, dhanurasana, ustrasana and then backbending. I did three bandbends, came down to the top of my head between each one. Then I used the wall the drop back and come back up a couple times. Then it was a half-assed finishing...and a really good smoothie.
I'm home now..reading the paper and getting ready for a crazy week at school. I have a ton of work this week. And I can already feel my energy levels plummeting from my impending ladies' holiday, which will probably sideline me from practice until the end of the week.
Anyhow, time to hit the showers and try to prepare myself for the week ahead.
Oh, two more things:
(1) For the past couple weeks I kept thinking that I had something caught in the back of my mouth on the upper right-hand side...until last night I finally realised that I have a wisdom tooth coming in...ugh. I was told I was without wisdom teeth....ick. So I'm officially teething.
(2) After the whole trainer-fiasco last week I decided to do some research, and made the interesting discovery that Ashtanga burns between 600-700 calories an hour...which is more than most other forms of exercise (e.g. moderate speed on an elliptical, moderate speed on a bike etc.). And while I know that neither I, nor most people reading this, do Ashtanga for its calorie-burning benefits, it is kind of cool to know exactly how vigourous it is. But...we knew that all along.
On my iPod: Got to be Real --Cheryl Lynn, Come Back to Bed --John Mayer, One of These Things First --Nick Drake, Older Chests --Damien Rice
June 5, 2005
To Dream the Impossible Dream...
Nothing really to report, except that on Friday night I had one of those frustrating dreams in which I was able to do impossible (for me) things quite easily. This one, specifically, focused on how easy it was to jump back. I would just lift up and float back...repeatedly...like it was nothing. I would say things like, "Yeah, it's all about bandhas," oh-so-non-chalantly. Hmph. I wish. It's like when I dream that I can just drop-back and stand-up over and over and over again with absolutely no effort. I wake up so excited and then realise that, alas, it was just a dream.
Also, I was out on Thursday night and made the brilliant decision to wear my very pretty shoes from India. It seemed like a good idea until I got about half a block from where I was going and felt the beginnings of horrible blisters on my baby toes...like the kind of blisters that sting really badly when you shower and then promptly turn into these lovely little scabs. So, last night I was practising my (non-existent) jumpbacks only to find that for that moment when my toes drag on the floor it hurts like hell...
This would not be an issue if I could float back like I did in my dream!
OH! One more thing...a year ago today was one of my favourite blog entries ever...mostly because I remembre feeling so damn happy to finally be back home, and so damn fulfilled to be spending time with my friends, laughing like we'd never been apart...
I'm going to Montreal for the Canada Day long weekend...yay!
On the radio (as I am, gasp, without my iPod): Major TomJune 1, 2005
Demoralised
So, I mentioned last week that the gym I joined has this MANDATORY assessment thing (I think it's a marketing tool to sell their personal training services...), and today I had my assessment. The trainer with whom I met seemed to be really nice, but so of the gym mindframe. She asked about my physical activity...I told her about Ashtanga, so she asked about what I do for strength training, and I told her about Ashtanga. It went on like that for awhile before I finally gave a detailed description of Ashtanga and its physical demands, blah blah blah....but she totally disregarded it and told me that I should be doing weight training and 45 minutes of cardio every day...and so I asked (naturally), "On to of the 1.5 -2 hours of vigourous yoga?" She gave me an answer that I can't entirely remember, but that indicated that she hadn't factored in the yoga, because it wasn't real "exercise."
I just got the impression that she felt I should be doing something else, because yoga isn't effective enough (according to her) and obviously if I joined a gym I want results! I tried explaining that yoga isn't about exercise (not to me at least...I mean, it is a little bit, in that I really enjoy having physical activity in my life...but not in that results-driven kind of way).
So basically it came down to this: I should do cardio and weights a million times a week, quit yoga and lose 20 pounds. Yes, that's right, I said TWENTY POUNDS. I don't know what I would look like if I lost 20 pounds, but it wouldn't be pretty. I don't think I have 20 lbs. to lose! Certainly I have breasts and hips and thighs (okay, a little more thigh that I'd like), but I'm still a size 8 for heaven's sake! They say that 10 lbs. = 1 dress size, and I sure as hell don't want to be a size 4...but I've always had trouble explaining to gym people that I'm okay with having curves..I like having curves. Admittedly, since I've moved and haven't been especially active, I've for sure lost some muscle mass and tone, but, really...
So I think the idea was to motivate me...but now I just feel like a blob. Bleh.
Anyway, my parents' trainer's wife is an Ashtanga teacher...so he's more aware of the whole yogic lifestyle, so I think I'll talk to him to get a better, mroe realistic idea.
Also, deriving inspiration from neti (who's been riding his bike to practice), I've realised that I can go to the gym and ride a bike for 20 or so minutes before I start my practice, and that I'll be (a) nice and warm when I start and (b) doing cardio.
But ew, that was bad, bad, bad....ew.
On my iPod: Forget Georgia --Emm Gryner, Crown of Love --The Arcade Fire, Another Day -- The Album Leaf