« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »
April 28, 2006
Whoops
In a fit of slumber I must have turned my alarm off, because I just woke up..and it's 9:36. So much for mysore this morning. Damn. And they don't even have any led classes today, only morning mysore. Double damn.
The oversleeping likely has something to do with the fact that the Gay Husband and I played nearly two hours of tennis last night. It was the first time I'd played this season and I'm SORE...if it's not Ashtanga making me sore it's tennis. We're both mildly obsessed with tennis (although not very good), so we've decided to join a club for the summer, which is a fabulous excuse to buy pretty tennis skirts and dresses.
Still at my parents' place...the plan today is to head over to our local health food store, before heading back to London, because one of the employees there is the most knowledgeable HFS employees I've ever come across, which is a blessing, because I need some advice. I've decided to go off the pill. I've been thinking about it for awhile, but the fact that it's been officially desginated as a carcinogen by the WHO spurred me into action. My concern is that the last time I went off it my skin went insane and my moods went insane, so I want to find something that I can take to ease the transition. I've read really good things about a herb called Vitex, that's meant to be really effective in regulating hormones. I'll see what she has to say about it. Anyone have any experience with this?
Posted by alegato at 9:36 AM | Comments (0)
April 27, 2006
Weird
So, the last few days have been kind of weird.
I agreed to work at my dad's business a couple days a week so that I could make some money and he could have an employee who he trusts implicitly. He insisted there was a lot for me to do. I spent the last two days doing nothing. I'm an extra body and there's no reason for me to be there. I have to tell my dad that there's no reason for me to be there, but I feel guilty, because I think he might just want to spend time with me. I'm more than happy to come over and hang out.
Then today I was supposed to have a job interview with a recruiting firm. My contact emailed me yesterday and told me that her client had filled the position, but that she'd still be happy to meet with me so that we could talk about future opportunities. I went the the big office building in downtown Toronto this morning where she said her office was, only to find that there is no such office there, and when I called 411 there wasn't a listing anywhere in Toronto for her supposed company. So I turned around and drove the hour back home. What a huge waste of time, effort, energy and gas. I emailed her asking about what happened, but I haven't heard anything back. What I can't figure out is why anyone would do that...what would be in it for her to fake a recruiting business?
I practised with Katie last night and it was really, really great. I was shockingly flexible given my extra-tight hamstrings of late. Nose to knees in the first uttanasana and it just flowed from there. I even stayed in my most hated pose for 5 whole breaths....feet flat on the mat...I never do that, because I never try, because I HATE purvottonasana so much! I was so tense on my drive to the studio, but on the drive home I was a totally different person: calm, serene, singing . THAT'S why I need yoga.
Moon day today, so I'm playing tennis with the Gay Husband tonight. I'm going to Mysore practice in the morning and I'm pretty happy about it!
Posted by alegato at 2:42 PM | Comments (0)
April 21, 2006
Cleanse+vinyasas= not so much
I just finished a super restorative practice. I threw in a few vinyasas just to see how much I was capable of on the cleanse....and I decided it was much better to just stick with the restorative stuff. The type A ashtangi inside me had a hard time with that, but I resisted temptation.
I really need to do something about my back. The tension still hasn't disappeared. I 've been having very painful muscle spasms. Everything's so seized up. I was doing a bunch of gentle twists this morning, thinking they'd be really deep because of the cleanse, but they were thwarted by my oh-so-tight and painful back. The pain and tension extends from between my shoulderblades all the way down to my sacrum. I really need to get some serious deep tissue work done, but it's not in my unemployment budget right now.
Today a couple friends and I are having a documentary-fest. We're watching the four hour long CBC doc China Rises. Apparently they want me to teach them some yoga when we take breaks from the movie......sounds good to me!
There's nothing cleanse friendly that I want for breakfast...I'm out of plain yogurt (the only dairy I can have on the cleanse), so I'm making steamed veggies and brown rice for breakfast...whatever works I guess!
Posted by alegato at 9:41 AM | Comments (0)
April 20, 2006
The headache is here
The cleanse headache is upon me. Usually it doesn't hit until day three. Maybe if it's hitting on day two it means that my cleasing process is moving along at a faster clip?!? Wishful thinking. It actually hasn't been as "cleansing" yet as last time...if you know what I mean. Yogis and bodily processes.....we can never stop talking about them. I think that about 33% of conversations in Mysore revolve around bodily functions. Another 33% revolve around practice. And the last 33% revolve around who's hooking up with whom....
I tried to practise this evening, but the headache was so much worse every time I went into uttanasana or downward dog...so I quit and went for a really long walk around my gorgeous neighbourhood. I should do that more often. There are so many beautiful old homes..and the trees are blossoming..and....I have a bit of a yoga-esque high from my walk.
Posted by alegato at 8:21 PM | Comments (0)
Mind, Body and Unemployment
Cleanse Day 2: So far, so good. I really, really like this cleanse. Because it's very do-able, and frankly, it works.
Unemployment Day 2: I woke up this morning to two replies to applications I sent out yesterday. One for a Bilingual Communications Specialist, and one for a Marketing Coordinator. So that's good news, given that last night, in a moment of panic, I said to the guy, "What if I never get a job and I have to go back to retail?" So to hear from two potential employers this morning was definitely timely.
Yesterday was a beautiful day here (much like it is again today). So I went for a long walk wearing my new sandals. It wasn't until I was at the furthest possible point from my house that I realised I was developing some nasty blisters on the bottoms of my feets. Way to go me. Now I have blisters on both of my heels. They're a little better today, but last night I could only walk on my tip-toes. This makes yoga difficult.
Speaking of yoga being difficult..often what makes it so difficult isn't the body, but the mind. Duh. I really thought a LOT about that when I was in Mysore and found myself doing things I'd never thought possible simply because Sharath told me to and I had to..no time to think about it. That lesson presented itself to me again a couple times this past weekend. On Sunday night, after a GIGANTIC Easter dinner, my brother and I were hanging out and he was showing off my demonstrating how many chin-ups he can do. Now, I can't do chin-ups, but I felt the need to compete, so I started doing drop-backs onto the steps. First onto the third step from the bottom, and then onto the second step. Now, keep in mind, that I haven't done any drop-backs in the past year....but that wasn't the good part. The good part was that without even thinking about it I just kept standing up. Now, I realise that I was still a good foot and a half or so off the ground (being that I dropped back onto the steps), but nonetheless..I'm pretty sure if I would have thought about it at all, instead of just doing it without thinking, that I wouldn't have been able to stand up.
Instance #2: On my last day in Mysore I heard a snap as I put my chin on the ground in upavishta konasana. That was two years ago. I sustained a partial tear of the tendon that attaches the hamstring to the ischial tuberosity. It still bothers me. I haven't been able to put my chin on the ground since then. It's all in my head, I know, but I panic a little when I get into that pose. Until Monday...when I took a class and it was a very modified primary class, I wasn't expecting upavishta konasana, but she called it out and boom, I slid right into it, chin to the ground, without even thinking. Of course, as soon as I realised what I was doing I freaked out a little bit....but, I calmed down, made sure I was using my quads and put my chin down again.
Okay, I have to call people to set up job interviews now....here's hoping.........
Posted by alegato at 10:45 AM | Comments (1)
April 19, 2006
Yoga body
My body image has plummeted in the past month or so. Of course, I'm pretty sure I've also gained at least 5 pounds or so in the last month. Given that it was, what I've decribed (very honestly) as "the worst month of my life," and that I had absolutely no time to do anything other than sit and type and/or edit, the weight gain is really not that surprising. My schedule involved waking with a panic attack early in the morning and feeling compelled to go to school immediately. I would often stay at school until the late evening, at which point I would come home and crash. Then I'd do the whole thing again the next day. No practice. No gym. And far too many veggie delite subs. Ew.
I definitely used to have issues with body image (seriously, who doesn't?!?), but they virtually disappeared when I started Ashtanga. Sure, Ashtanga changed my body's shape into something that seemed much more long and lean than tall and curvaceous, but it wasn't just that. It made me strong. And I loved that. And it made me aware of what crazy shit my body was capable of, and that was really cool.
Now, since I haven't been practising that much, I've got a bum again and I definitely have hips again. And since I've finished school it's been consuming me in an unnatural way. I've even been dreaming about it. This all pisses me off, because I hate to be one of those stereotypical girls who's constantly saying things like, "Do these pants make me look fat?"
Anyhow, I think a huge part of getting this off my mind is to really take control over my habits again. To that end, I've started a clease this morning. It's the same cleanse I've done in the past. I just feel like it's what I need to do to get my habits back on track. As for practice, well, this town is still an Ashtanga wasteland, but I'm going to take a couple classes a week in Burlington and try to do a couple days of home practice as well.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Posted by alegato at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)
April 18, 2006
The good and the bad
Good things:
-I'm done school
-I have no obligations at the moment
-I practised yesterday in Burlington.
-the Burlington shala has installed an Iyengar wall, and I'm SO excited about it. I've been wondering about where I could find one of these ever since reading about it in Yoga Chickie's blog
-now that I'm done school and done with the stress I get to eat well again
-to that end, I'm going on a walk to the market later today.
-the market is my favourite thing about London
-I was super surprised yesterday when my stepdad asked if there was a good yoga studio in London and my mum replied, "No, there isn't. And that's a big part of the problem. She'd find it tolerable if there was a studio." It's so true....but I had no idea my mum knew how much if affected me, and how much it means to me, and just her acknowledgement of that means a lot.
-it's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood
-I'm going to make Khao San Soba Noodles today (from the book Juice for Life), and I'm pretty excited about it
-I found a site that outlines a bunch of different organic foodshares in Toronto....for if/when I move there
Bad things:
-I'm unemployed
-I hate feeling unsure, not knowing where I'm going to be in 6 weeks, not knowing what's going to happen with the Guy and I....
-there's NO ASHTANGA IN THIS STUPID TOWN
-but that's okay for today, because I'm super sore from yesterday's class
-I woke up with a pimple on my chin....what's that about????
-I'm unemployed
Posted by alegato at 11:01 AM | Comments (0)
April 13, 2006
Stressless
"School's out for summer/School's out forever..."
I just wrote the last word of my last paper for this, my last semester of my graduate degree.
I am done school. Done. Finished. D-O-N-E.
What an incredible feeling of relief and happiness...and total and utter exhaustion.
I guess this means I'm offically unemployed.
Tonight: a quiet celebration for two. He's making me dinner. I think we should drink the Moet & Chandon that we never opened on New Year's.
Breathing deeply again. Finally. No more panic attacks. No more heart palpatations.
DONE.
Posted by alegato at 4:53 PM | Comments (1)
April 9, 2006
Happy Birthday!
Happy second birthday to my blog!
I believe if you check the archives you'll discover that on this day in 2004 I was basking in the glory of Mysore and the practice. That was so magical. I want that magic back really badly. Really badly. I told my stepmum that I'm going back to India in January. I think she was a little shocked, but I just replied with, "Well...you know how it works with goal setting, you have to say it with convinction as though it's actually going to happen in order to make it happen." She agreed.
It's crazy that it was on that trip, especially while I was in Mysore, that my desire to come back to Canada and complete a graduate degree in journalism was cemented. And now, here I sit, two days away from completing my M.A.
I have no idea what comes next, but I know that, just like when I came back from Asia and graduated from McGill, it might be wildly rocky for a little while, but it will all fall into place. And it will be equally magical.
Posted by alegato at 10:52 PM | Comments (4)
April 3, 2006
Knots
The fact that my back refuses to crack is consuming me. I crack my back regularly. Yes, I'm one of those people. I knew it was a little out of control when I was in Mysore and everyone practising with Sharath stopped and looked at me when I cracked my back. It just happens when I twist though. It's gotten crazier and crazier as I've become more and more flexible.
But now....I've been more stressed out in the past few weeks that I've ever been. Ever. In my life. And as much as I thought it wasn't manifesting itself physically (what a stupid thought....of course stress manifests itself in the body), my skin wasn't breaking out, I didn't have dark circles under my eyes, here's what it did do to me: it's managed to tie all the muscles in my body into one huge knot. And even more fun has been the fact that I haven't slept well for about four weeks. I wake up in the middle of the night, dreaming about editing, and can't get out of my dream. I get chased in my dreams by people wielding both machetes and machine guns. And sometimes I just wake up in the midddle of the night in the throes of a panic attack and I can't get back to sleep. This has never happened to me before.
Here's the good news: I finished my documentary tonight. The project that I've put more energy into that any other assignment in my whole life is over.
So I figured that the stress would melt away along with that, right? WRONG. Although I did manage to sleep for ten blissful hours last night, my body refuses to let go. The Guy and I spent the better part of the evening tonight trying to get my back to crack: massages, stretching, yoga, breathing....he walked on my back about four times...and nothing. NOTHING. The only solution I can come up with is to fly to Bangkok and get a proper Thai massage. Oh, I miss those so much. The most effective and wonderful massages I've ever gotten. The back never failed to crack. Ahhhhhh.......
Tomorrow morning I practise. That is my intention. In writing.
Posted by alegato at 12:10 AM | Comments (0)
April 1, 2006
One week and five days to freedom
Every muscle in my body aches. And not from practice. From stress.
Entering week 3 of not having a single day off from school work. I've never worked harder on a single project in my whole life than I have on this documentary.
The realisation has hit me recently that friends, girlfriends in particular, come in various different forms. And that they aren't all created equal. And that I am so beyond blessed to have certain ones in my life. We reconnected recently and I realised that this isn't a throw-away friendship. These aren't a dime a dozen. We're not cryers, but we've been emotional lately. We've been made to realise how important we are to one another. How much we get one another. How much we need one another. The weekend of May 12 is gonna rock more than any weekend in a long time: Three long time girlfriends, reuniting for some much needed girl time in NYC.
I reject sappiness, but I need to say it: I'm head-over-heels in love and it makes it all better.
Meeting people's parents offers so much insight. Thinking about how I'm an alloy of my parents. All four of them. And how thankful I am for that.
Thinking about how much I want to hang out with my mum tomorrow night. I want to be looked after. I want blueberry pancakes for breakfast on Sunday.
Eyelids dropping. Unending yawns. Kitty sleeping.
It's time for bed.
Posted by alegato at 12:51 AM | Comments (0)