Gaia

of yoga has proved to NOT be any sort of solution. I don't feel any better, nothing seems to be healing and I feel like a blob. On the other hand, I really feel, i need to do my own practice. this is the challenge. I have always either practiced with someone else, gone to lead classes or for the last three years, regularly gone to Mysore classes. I like the energy of people around me. it helps motivate me and keep me going, but i went to a lead class today and I really just wanted to do my own thing. Anyway, how to start a home practice?? How do it do it?? I actually know the answer, but my mind is so strong, and my bed is so warm and comfortable. I know that if i have to go somewhere else where there are people, i can do it.. In order to make this mental change, i really have to change my attitude about getting out of bed in the morning. I am going to try. if it doesn't work, I know another potential solution and will try that later on.

Victoria was fantastic. we had perfect weather, and a calm and wonderful time. We chilled out, went on a lot of walks, ate super good food and rented bicycles and rode along the coast. I can't believe how beautiful Victoria is. H said, it is right up there with Seattle as one of the most beautiful cities he's ever been in. We found this great little beach one day and i spent hours finding the most amazing black rocks. I am going to make some jewelry with them. they are shiny and perfectly rounded and so great.

new house is great, we are still settling in and trying to organize, but its really nice to be in a new place. It's hard to start over without our dog, but we're trying to keep moving along. I really didn't realize how difficult the death of a pet was. I now know..

one of the two thefts in the last week has been 1/2 solved. yes, i had two thefts last week. one, my business debit card # someone spent $700 on it and then someone stole my ups package which was worth $400. I dont' know what is going on, but my motivation to solve all of these problems is high. thus, i am dealing with it, as annoying as it is.. oh karma....The ups package was delivered to the front door of my office building at 4:30 and i got to my office around 5:45 to check on it and it was not there. I've gone around the building to see who signed it in, can't find the person. so, i believe the ups driver left it at the front door and someone walked in and took it.. ugh... I am not going to have to pay double for it, but again, like the debit card, it is a pain in the ass.. why do people do this shit?? on with life..

it's weird to be alone in the new place. My sister left yesterday after three fun days of her visiting and then H left the other day for a week and now i am here for a little while and it's good and bad. right now it is bad, because i feel like a sloth moving slowly through my day. I have just wanted to eat today.. so, weird, i haven't felt that way in a long time, ladies day must be arriving very soon.

i'm loving our new digs. i totally feel at home and love having a dishwasher and washer and dryer. i think they changed my life.. ( in a purely materialist way)...

yoga has been non-exsistent in several days and that is very bad and tomorrow i am starting something new and i am going to stay with it.. this trial period of no yoga is not good for me.. i think it has a lot to do with my feeling of unstable ground... I know i've had a heck of a month with my very very very beloved and missed doggy dying and then moving and then traveling two times, but on top of that, yoga is missed too and it is time to get back to a regular practice even with my injuries..

i worked a ton today.. i made so much jewelry and am going to do the same tomorrow. yay!!! finally two full days of making jewelry...I had a good week last week and i ordered a bunch of supplies and the store that ordered 25 pieces from me less than a month ago is down to 5 pieces and that is so cool...so, i have to replenish my dwindled inventory and sell sell sell... check out my cool new webpage all decked out with all my new gold pieces be sure and look at all three pages.. http://www.karazidesign.com/gold.htm

life is good and i have very clean clothes too.

I am having such a great weekend. Yesterday was H's b-day, we didn't do a lot of celebrating in the traditional sense, but we went to a great dharma talk by Jeffrey Hopkins and he is staying at our house. So, I've been able to hang out with him and go to his talks and relax and have a great time. He spoke again today and I was able to go this morning. His talk is great and he has a good sense of humor.

Sunday I have my market and then I am going to a yoga class with my friend at a studio in Ballard. I'm excited about it. She just recently started practicing yoga and she loves it. so, it's fun to be able to share this together. I wish all my friends were yogi's..

Monday, i am starting the master cleanse again. This time for 5 days like last time. I can't believe this is the third time in the last 8 months. I've found that it really helps me feel better all around. Inside emotionally and outside physically. I find that not eating for an extended period of time, intentionally, is very life changing, challenging and such a good lesson on attachment. I am, attached to food. By not eating, all of the emotions and shit that food comforts me with comes up and I am able to, at least for a moment, reflect and try to work through some of these issues. On top of that, I am cleansing and it feels so good to get out all the gunk inside... I am excited and scared.

got up at the butt crack of dawn to get to a market that starts at 10, but for some reason we have to get there around 6:30 to get in a line so we can sign a list that arrives at 7:30. then, we wait until 9:30ish to get a spot (maybe).. Man, it's so cut throat..anyway, i had a good day at the market even though the weather couldn't make up it's mind...

then, i went to my friends house and we went to a yoga class together. it is Baron Baptiste style which totally kicks my ass. It's like all warrior I and II and different versions of that for an hour and a half. and holding for 10+ breaths and then repeat three times.. ugh.. i was sweating so much..

got home approximately 13 hours after i left and now i am actually full of energy from that class and super psyched about yoga tomorrow morning.

I've fasted several times. This is the 3rd time doing the master cleanse and usually i feel alive and full of energy. Man, I am the opposite today. I have no energy and am feeling a bit weak. this morning i did yin yoga, 5 minutes each posture for about an hour and a half, all very restorative. But now i am at work and feel like i want a nap.

I don't feel hungry, I just feel weak. It's interesting to me how fasting is such a challenge, but for different reasons for different people or for different reasons at different times for the same person. I like the idea of working to cleanse and work with the insides (intestines, colon etc...), but also the mind. it is a mind fuck. this food thing. I had a friend once say she couldn't believe how great she felt while she was fasting and she was like "food is so overrated". Kind of like propagananda. Of course we need it to live and to function and to be healthy, but we ( a very broad and stereotyped we) over eat and have too much food and tv tells us to eat this and that and it makes us hungry and the stores are stocked with so many options and we buy and then we eat and then we get fat and become obsessed with food mentally as well as physically. Overall, I don't have any major overeating problems, but I have some issues around food and I have a slow metabolism and some bad genes. so, i really have to watch what i eat and this frustrates me because i like sweets so much.. This fast helps all of that stuff for me. so, i am doing it and i hope i can make it until friday..

Last night i chilled out, rented two movies and can't believe it, but watched them both. Both were good in different ways. a documentary called Romantico about a Mariachi player from Mexico and his life and struggles and then a movie called Little Children also good, but a bit challenging to watch at times..

with my lemons and water, the lady selling Real Change newspaper, told me all about how she had taken time off to finish a blanket she is knitting. she has an order for a showroom downtown, but she wanted to keep her territory so she showed up that day to sell the paper..then, i got on my bike and she asked, "How's your dog?" She knew he had been sick. I told her he died and she was so sweet. I had already cried that day because of Grace. Our old roommate had emailed and told me she really missed him and how is he?? We hadn't told her yet and then i felt really bad. But as I was emailing her the story, I just sobbed. I really miss him a lot..I keep thinking I have to go home and take care of grace. especially now that H is gone for 12 days. Then today, I was riding my bike and our old neighbor who also had a dog, asked me about Grace and I told him and then he told me he put his dog down today.. God.. Now I feel like I am reliving all the sadness and it's not something i want to do.. but i guess that is how grieving is and it takes a long time

my fast is going well, I always forget how much of the day food takes up and since H is gone, i am feeling a bit lonely, no food, no husband. i've also been keeping to myself and just taking this time to enjoy not being busy. It feels good, but weird. Normally, I would be planning what to have for dinner and going to the store and buying some stuff to eat..The fasting thing is so much more about the mind than it is the hunger..Even when i tell people, especially the people who would never think of doing one or who have never been around people who have done one and think it's those crazy yogi, hippy people that do that shit and it's so unhealthy etc...They say, "I could never not eat for even a day." and it's like well yes you could you just don't think you could or don't want to. And that's fine, but don't tell me all the bad things about it, because you've never done it and don't have any idea how good it makes people feel (in the end)..

I wonder how much I eat out of boredom? Not that i am bored, but I am feeling a bit lonely and keep thinking about food and how that would solve my loneliness problem.. I bet i eat a lot because of this. I need to take note and try to notice this in the future.

I did another yin yoga practice today. tomorrow i think i will practice ashtanga again.

well today is the last day of my fast, but in a lot of ways i'd like to continue. I've felt really bloated during this cleanse, which is super weird. It must be the full moon, because everything is coming out, the way it should. It's meant for 10 days and I am doing 5 and have mentally prepared for only five, but man, there is still a lot of stuff coming out of me, which is surprising because i just did this cleanse in March and i've never had this much still coming out on day 5. plus my weight has only changed a pound or 2 and usually it changes 5 or 6 pounds. My energy is great, but this bloating.. yuck...

today I practiced ashtanga and it was great. I had a lot of energy and felt light and flowy. I did most of primary without doing vinyasas between sides. I wish tomorrow wasn't a moon day.

Last night I did a market a new one in Queen Anne and it went really really well. In 4 hours I sold more than i usually do in 6. It is a lot of fun when that happens. Although the weather was on and off and at the end it was not raining, we had two downpours in the hours we were there. Speaking of weather, where is our god damn summer??? Seriously at this point in the year, I've had it with the rain. it's supposed to be summer. you know, warm and sunny, NOT cloudy grey and cold with rain. yeah, i know i live in seattle but man it's the end of june..