Gaia

with my lemons and water, the lady selling Real Change newspaper, told me all about how she had taken time off to finish a blanket she is knitting. she has an order for a showroom downtown, but she wanted to keep her territory so she showed up that day to sell the paper..then, i got on my bike and she asked, "How's your dog?" She knew he had been sick. I told her he died and she was so sweet. I had already cried that day because of Grace. Our old roommate had emailed and told me she really missed him and how is he?? We hadn't told her yet and then i felt really bad. But as I was emailing her the story, I just sobbed. I really miss him a lot..I keep thinking I have to go home and take care of grace. especially now that H is gone for 12 days. Then today, I was riding my bike and our old neighbor who also had a dog, asked me about Grace and I told him and then he told me he put his dog down today.. God.. Now I feel like I am reliving all the sadness and it's not something i want to do.. but i guess that is how grieving is and it takes a long time

my fast is going well, I always forget how much of the day food takes up and since H is gone, i am feeling a bit lonely, no food, no husband. i've also been keeping to myself and just taking this time to enjoy not being busy. It feels good, but weird. Normally, I would be planning what to have for dinner and going to the store and buying some stuff to eat..The fasting thing is so much more about the mind than it is the hunger..Even when i tell people, especially the people who would never think of doing one or who have never been around people who have done one and think it's those crazy yogi, hippy people that do that shit and it's so unhealthy etc...They say, "I could never not eat for even a day." and it's like well yes you could you just don't think you could or don't want to. And that's fine, but don't tell me all the bad things about it, because you've never done it and don't have any idea how good it makes people feel (in the end)..

I wonder how much I eat out of boredom? Not that i am bored, but I am feeling a bit lonely and keep thinking about food and how that would solve my loneliness problem.. I bet i eat a lot because of this. I need to take note and try to notice this in the future.

I did another yin yoga practice today. tomorrow i think i will practice ashtanga again.