Yes, I went away again. I'm still processing, but I'm pretty sure it was really healing..
H and I went on a Mahamudra retreat with Yangsi Rinpoche. It means "great seal" and is about the nature of the mind meditation on emptiness and I will stop there because, it was super intense and potentially not something i was ready for. I mean, the topic, not the retreat. the retreat is 12 days in silence and I went for 5 and am now in Bend, OR visiting a friend. H is there the whole time..
Our days were like this:
up at 5:30 (H and I did yoga for about 30 minutes)
6:30-8:00 (chanting and meditation)
8:00-9:30 breakfast break
9:30-11:00 teachings from Rinpoche
11:15-12:00 meditation
12:00-2:00 lunch
2:00-3:30 teachings from Rinpoche
3:30-4:00 Qigong or yoga
4:00-5:00 meditation (lead by H)
5:00-7:00 dinner
7:00-8:00 meditation
The retreat was silent, my mind was busy, it's unbelievably amazing what can come up. I laughed and cried and dozed and all sorts of things. H and I went on a silent hike after dinner each evening and it was so beautiful and amazing. The retreat center is outside of Portland and there was an amazing wilderness trail in the back yard. we would walk for an hour or so each evening, through the beautiful green forest down to a glen with a hidden waterfall. it was sooooo beautiful and quite amazing since we were spending all day meditating on emptiness...
I was so tired while there, i mean all this thinking. I had to take 2 naps a day and go to be at or before 9 each night. maybe i was just avoiding what had come up, but I don't know, I didn't go there, I just went to sleep.
I left half way through (pre-meditated) to come and visit a friend and because I start my classes next week. As I drove off yesterday evening H whispered to me. Be careful... I just kind of laughed and he whispered again, "be careful, you are a bit spacey and now you are going into the world of fast cars and big trucks."
I pulled out and for an hour was on the tiniest most beautiful back roads. I didn't even see a car.. It was a blessing, I was totally spacey..
During my audience with Rinpoche, I asked him, after 10 years of being involved with the dharma, for a meditation practice..So, here we go, on another crazy ride.. I think I am ready, I've stalled for a long long time, but I really think I'm ready to go there, dig deep and go there. He told me, "well you already have your yoga practice, with breathing meditation." I can look at it as an extension of what i am already working on through my yoga practice..
hhhmmm?????