girmander

for the past couple of weeks i've been sleeping rather lightly. i'm not sure if i'm anticipating getting up @ 5am or what but, this shit needs to stop. i'm really tired.

so today is the day i find out how bad my shins are and if i have stress fractures or not. i haven't been running at all. i've been good - only the elliptical. who knows, maybe i won't even be able to do that.

my last good prcatice was sunday. i've been working the regular job and my parents after work. thank god this is only going to be for another week. i can't take it anymore. i love my parents and all but seriously 12 hour days are not my style. since i've been doing this pilates thing, i've noticed that my practice isn't what it used to be. my balance is actually kind of off. i think it has to do with the fact that, i've been evening myself out and thus moving my center of gravity/uneven muscle supports around. so, it's like i'm starting out again as a beginner but not.

it's so funny, initially i come to the mat and i'm actually afraid of what might come out. hence, why i haven't been practicing all that often coupled with the whole teacher training emotional mess i feel. but, then i acknowledge that i'm really f*ed up right now and just kind of observe. and when i'm done, i'm actualy happy i did it even though my practice isn't what it used to be. now, to only not feel apprehension when coming to the mat. maybe, it's because i have that expectation of what i should be. but, really though, i got that through 6x a week practices. my mind has to be realistic in the fact that i practice 3-4x a week on a good week. i just hope that i will come to love it again soon. maybe, part of it is because i don't feel like i have a teacher. laruga and i were talking about that. there are no teachers for us here. :(

i was just reading the other ashtangi blogs out there and it seems as though everyone is having a hard time with the practice. me definitely included but, it's like an ongoing emotional thing. not necessarily a physical thing. i've totally had my share of those and to be sidelined for 3 months of not practicing sucks. i just remeber being fever ridden and arthritic doing poses in my head. hrmm... it's about that time for the 5 year remission to break. ugh...

first, no stress fractures! just a case of shin splints. altho i DID have a stress fracture and it healed.

now...

ok so i got tagged by muki (my evil twin). i do have to 'fess up and tell you i am a virgo and virgo's are really particular about what they share to the outside world. so, there are weird habits but, acceptable weird. (hahaha)

The rules: if you get tagged, you must post an entry listing five "weird habits" that you possess. Then, pick five more people to tag, and list their names at the end of the entry. Leave a comment on their sites, saying "you've been tagged" and tell them to read your weblog for the rules.

1. i like to eat cereal with a tiny bit of milk. i hate soggy cereal and i hate dry cereal - it has to be the perfect ratio.
2. i will ALWAYS pick the 2nd stall in the public loo. no idea why.
3. i hate it when blankets are tucked in the mattress (esp. hotels) i will pull the blankets out to sleep. also, on a related note, i'm a blanket hog and i have to have my own blanket. yes, the fuzz and i sleep with 2 blankets on our bed.
4. i too like packing. it's an organization thing and a logic thing.
5. i hate overhead lights. i will go out and buy as many lamps needed to not turn on the overhead lights in our house. not unless it's the kitchen or the dining room.
6. bonus! i really don't like air fresheners. i think that they are secretly poisoning us.

hrmm, i tag nobody.

lately, i've been pensive thinking about who i am and what things in the past have really affected and shaped me. and then i realize that i do this every year about this time. just taking stock of myself. and then my pilates instructor just read me like a book, "we're virgo's -- we ALWAYS do this about this time of year". oh...

i'm actually amazed year after year about what i've done. i mean it doesn't seem like alot day to day but, when i stop and think, i'm like damn, i didn't fuck up my life (hahaha).

so, the year in review 2005:

- 6 years with the fuzz lion!
- i'm a certified yoga teacher now. w00t!
- found pilates and it's totally changed my posture and corrected some serious imbalances in my body.
- starting on the track to be pilates certified (reformer/cadilac/mat).
- i'm actually getting up in front of the room and teaching! it's also doing wonders for my public speaking skills.
- i'm running/biking/swimming daily!
- this is year 2 in owning a home and nothing has broken yet :)
- made my 1/2 year bonus... i have yet to know if i'll make this last 1/2
- getting really serious about finances, i finally started a roth IRA in addition to my trad IRA and 401k.
- i'm investing and making some midterm financial goals
- i actually took a step forward in the wedding process! i bought a dress.
- a dear friend passed away. he really knew how to live life to the fullest, his life touched not only mine but many near and dear to me.
- i am a year closer to being 30. next year is the last year of my 20's (yikes!)

this year definitely had alot of challenges. i've had challenges with myself and my illness for varying years but, this year for some reason was the year of external challenges. i definitely grew more as a person this year than any other year i can remember. maybe, this year is to prepare me for the inevitable.