girmander

so, i have this new blog. not sure what to do with it. altho i love MT's functionality. this thing is wicked cool and much better than blogger (sorry google/pyra labs but i still love ya google).

i have another blog and address that i might get the dns switched to here. but then i still need server space to hold all my portfolio crap and random stuff i'd like to upload (aka playlists or songs for my nearest and dearest peeps). so, i'm thinking about getting space from a ex-coworker of the lion's. but he's prancing around in france for the whole month of july (bastard!!) and won't be back for a week. he runs a win2000 box with cfmx7. and since i'm mostly coding cfm, me thinks that it would be wise. not only to add to that, i have a unix account and 5 email addresses that i check. ARGH! must simplify!

i also helped out a a friend of a friend of mine's bf (oh hell.. she's my friend too i guess) on the cf coding front. it's very cool to take matters into your own hands. hopefully he'll enjoy it just as much as i did when i first started (heh).

today i went to my first accupuncture visit. i would have to say i was a bit scared. i didn't know how i was going to feel. but master chen definitely made me feel ok. i especially liked the fact that he would talk to me and then bam! a needle would go in. then it was like i wasn't waiting in anticipation freaking myself out. i do have to say energetically, it was pretty cool. i went into a relaxive and meditative state almost immediately.

apparently, i am very suceptible to energy both universal (good) and electromagnetic (bad). and that i should limit my tv and computer time. that's pretty funny because i'm a programmer by profession. he worked on my back for this first session. he told me that my chi was all up in my neck and not moving down to my hip (which i'm having my problem). so he "unblocked" it for me.

as or my pesky hip problem, i haven't been practicing for about a week now. i guess i'm to strong minded and i set "goals" or i "make myself practice". so, master chen tells me to get back into doing yoga for the sake of doing yoga and not because i "have to". so, i'm not really sure what to do with that.

and then i had to get a referal from my regular doctor to go see master chen. so i told dr chu what was going on and he told me that maybe i should go and see a chiropractor because my whole left side sits lower than my right side. so he thinks i've twisted my pelvis or as he says "the foundation is twisted" he also thinks it's because i also might have slight scoliosis to the left (!!!). so, pretty much he told me to go to master chen and then get adjusted.

sigh, i hope this passes soon.

so, i did indeed practice yesterday. a whole lotta restoratives and a whole lotta ouchiness. sometimes i really do think you need a break and i really do think that your body tells you when you need one whether you like it or not.

it's kind of nice just to slow down. by far ashtanga is my primary practice but, on occasion you need to go off the beaten path. maybe this is a way to prepare me to teach on the 13th @ alphastate. i hope they like me enough to offer me a class. :|

so, it's a rainy and slightly chilly day here in cowtown. definite relief from the oppressive heat and humidity. i'm sure my container plants will enjoy the reprieve as well.

thinking about rainy days thus rainy day funds, i'm getting a bonus check from work and i'm thinking of buying myself a present or two. and then spedning some to complete our outdoor renovations and the rest to not so fun stuff. so, i'm thinking of getting a LV murakami cherry print planner and a new wallet (LV of course!). but, i'm kind of stuck on which wallet to get. i know i want a long one that can also double up as a clutch. but, i don't necessarily want to go matchy matchy with my purse.

:|

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

- all these things that i have done [the killers]

so i bought the cherry print planner. it's oh so cute and small! i got it before my bonus check because they only had 2 and they're discontinuing the line. plastic... it's such a love/hate relationship.

everyone likes the daimier print zipped wallet more so than the epi wallet (which hasn't come out yet in the mocha). so, we'll see what's avaliable after my check.

i'm thinking of doing a slow practice today to see how my hip feels. maybe some restoratives. my first class back into ashtanga will probably be standing poses and then i think i'll keep on adding. hopefully i'll be back into action *fully* by the middle of august. now what to do with the tri training...

after a couple of days off with c and p, i'm sitting here at work battling this .csv file which thinks that ,, is nothing. arrrtggghhhh!

c bought her wedding dress while in ohio. we went to the largest bridal store in the US (here in cincinatti). she got a vera wang in an oyster color. it is gorgeous! who knew that she'd find her dress here? i surely didn't ;)

and i surely didn't think i'd be buying my dress already either. ack!

so i did it...

i cut my hair.

i had ideas for short, medium and long. after debating i decided i didn't want a "trim". i'm getting married in 2 year so i figure why not cut it shorter? i mean since i *have* 2 years.

i thought i was going to cut my hair the medium style (a la j-lo). but then i wondered if it was long enough to donate. so, the stylist got out the tape measure and voila! 11 inches!

i decided what the hell and got the "short" hair option (a la kirsten dunst).

sometimes it's good to let go and remind yourself that nothing is ever permanent. how i am isn't how i'll always be. and if nothing else, this year has taught me that it hurts to grow sometimes and life changes at the drop of the hat.

medical monday:

i had 2 appointments monday, a bone scan and a dentist appointment. the bone scan was nothing. i thought i would hurt getting injected with radioactive dye but, it was like a shot. apparently what i'm shooting for is a uniform gradation of white vs black on my bones. that means no stress fractures. well, i got it back and there were bright white dots on it. fuck, i think i have stress fractures. :( that means 4-6 weeks of low impact cardio. and i really hate the eliptical. and building up to 3 miles slowly. arrggghhh.

so, the dentist. apparently me turning 28 is a big deal. maybe because i'm 2 years closer to 30. who knows. anyways, everyone is coming out of the woodwork and telling me to do this, that and the other for preventitive measures. or they tell me i SHOULD be thinking of doing things. like the dentist. ugh. ugh. so, the hygenist knew i wasn't flossing for the last 6 months. sorry, alot has happened. the last thing i wanted to do was floss. and she kept picking, and picking and PICKING at my teeth. i have never been so sore in my life. anyways, the spiel of flossing came not only once but 3 TIMES during my hour long visit. then, the doc comes in looking at my panorams.

"hrmmm.... that baby tooth doesn't have a root in it. how old are you?"

"28"

"you might want to think about what you want to do with that baby tooth. i think you should go with an implant"

"well, i was thinking of a bridge"

then she goes on to tell me how horrible bridges are vs implants and what an implant is ect...

"well, how much do they run?"

"about 3000-3500"

!!!!??!?!!??? mother *#&&*er!

what the hell? couldn't she have told me this when i first started seeing her? it's been like 5 years already. i've had 3 panorams since then. what did she think? a freaking root would materialize out of nowhere within the 5 years she's been my dentist? especially since you pretty much have your adult teeth by 11, it would have taken an act of god to make that happen. arrghhh. bad timing. i mean really bad timing.

a. it's not like i don't have that money or i could have it by the end of the next year but, seriously 3500 for a freaking titanium rod up my gums and a fake tooth? she and the oral surgeon are getting away with highway robbery

b. i'm 28. and this tooth is up in the front. i'm going to look like freaking WT, hillbilly if they don't have the "coverup tooth" all ready on the same day. i have to go to work. i have to teach. it's not like i'm in college and i can hide in the house for weeks on end.

c. it takes 3-9 months for bone to grow on the rod. i have my sisters wedding in 6 months. and i'm getting married the following year. there IS no good 9 months where i can have a hillbilly mouth.

really, i really understand why people in england have eff-ed up teeth. because 3500 for a fake tooth is ridiculous. so, i ask her when she thinks that my tooth will fall out. and she was like, it's barely hanging on. not only did hse drop a 3500 dollar bomb on me, she also managed to make me paranoid.

shin splints and a hillbilly mouth. yess! just what i wanted for christmas.

*All I want for Christmas is my front tooth,
My front tooth, see my front tooth.
Gee, if I could only have my front tooth,
Then I could wish you "Merry Christmas."*
-aka "all i want for christmas is my two front teeth" but adapted to my ghetto situation

for the past couple of weeks i've been sleeping rather lightly. i'm not sure if i'm anticipating getting up @ 5am or what but, this shit needs to stop. i'm really tired.

so today is the day i find out how bad my shins are and if i have stress fractures or not. i haven't been running at all. i've been good - only the elliptical. who knows, maybe i won't even be able to do that.

my last good prcatice was sunday. i've been working the regular job and my parents after work. thank god this is only going to be for another week. i can't take it anymore. i love my parents and all but seriously 12 hour days are not my style. since i've been doing this pilates thing, i've noticed that my practice isn't what it used to be. my balance is actually kind of off. i think it has to do with the fact that, i've been evening myself out and thus moving my center of gravity/uneven muscle supports around. so, it's like i'm starting out again as a beginner but not.

it's so funny, initially i come to the mat and i'm actually afraid of what might come out. hence, why i haven't been practicing all that often coupled with the whole teacher training emotional mess i feel. but, then i acknowledge that i'm really f*ed up right now and just kind of observe. and when i'm done, i'm actualy happy i did it even though my practice isn't what it used to be. now, to only not feel apprehension when coming to the mat. maybe, it's because i have that expectation of what i should be. but, really though, i got that through 6x a week practices. my mind has to be realistic in the fact that i practice 3-4x a week on a good week. i just hope that i will come to love it again soon. maybe, part of it is because i don't feel like i have a teacher. laruga and i were talking about that. there are no teachers for us here. :(

i was just reading the other ashtangi blogs out there and it seems as though everyone is having a hard time with the practice. me definitely included but, it's like an ongoing emotional thing. not necessarily a physical thing. i've totally had my share of those and to be sidelined for 3 months of not practicing sucks. i just remeber being fever ridden and arthritic doing poses in my head. hrmm... it's about that time for the 5 year remission to break. ugh...

lately, i've been pensive thinking about who i am and what things in the past have really affected and shaped me. and then i realize that i do this every year about this time. just taking stock of myself. and then my pilates instructor just read me like a book, "we're virgo's -- we ALWAYS do this about this time of year". oh...

i'm actually amazed year after year about what i've done. i mean it doesn't seem like alot day to day but, when i stop and think, i'm like damn, i didn't fuck up my life (hahaha).

so, the year in review 2005:

- 6 years with the fuzz lion!
- i'm a certified yoga teacher now. w00t!
- found pilates and it's totally changed my posture and corrected some serious imbalances in my body.
- starting on the track to be pilates certified (reformer/cadilac/mat).
- i'm actually getting up in front of the room and teaching! it's also doing wonders for my public speaking skills.
- i'm running/biking/swimming daily!
- this is year 2 in owning a home and nothing has broken yet :)
- made my 1/2 year bonus... i have yet to know if i'll make this last 1/2
- getting really serious about finances, i finally started a roth IRA in addition to my trad IRA and 401k.
- i'm investing and making some midterm financial goals
- i actually took a step forward in the wedding process! i bought a dress.
- a dear friend passed away. he really knew how to live life to the fullest, his life touched not only mine but many near and dear to me.
- i am a year closer to being 30. next year is the last year of my 20's (yikes!)

this year definitely had alot of challenges. i've had challenges with myself and my illness for varying years but, this year for some reason was the year of external challenges. i definitely grew more as a person this year than any other year i can remember. maybe, this year is to prepare me for the inevitable.

we're going PROM!

the fuzz will be officer mayo (richard gere) and i'll be fabulous debra winger. w00t!

in all seriousness, we're going to the ROTC winter formal b/c it's part of the lion's grade. yes, you heard me right, he's taking a ROTC class this quarter and he has to do mostly everything. he cut his hair, he's in fatigues thursday mornings and he's thinking of doing PT (physical training) for extra credit.

the last time i went to a winter formal was sophmore year of college (9 years ago!!) i don't even know where to start in looking for a dress this time.

happy new year everyone! it's the year of the dog. and supposedly a lucky year to get married (c&p!) something about having 2 springs in the year. according to the new york times:

The reason many Chinese (and half-Chinese) couples are choosing Dog wedding dates over Rooster ones traces back to the solar calendar. The Year of the Rooster, which began on Feb. 9, 2005, and ended yesterday, did not contain a lichun, or beginning of spring. (Lichun usually falls on Feb. 4, the halfway point between the winter and summer solstices.) A year without a lichun is called a "widow year" or "blind year," explained Theodora Lau, the author of "The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes" (HarperCollins, 2005). "The thinking is that if you get married in a blind year, you didn't look at what you were doing, and you could get divorced next year."

The Year of the Dog, which will end Feb. 17, 2007, will span two lichun, Ms. Lau said. "It's very lucky to see spring in the beginning of the year and in the end. A lot of people would love to get married in a double-spring year."

interesting... i knew that last year wasn't a very good year to get married but i had no clue why. this almost makes me want to elope this year instead of next and not tell my parents :D

anyways... it's only been a month in the traditional sense of this year and 2 days in the lunar year and i'm feeling a strong pull to change myself. well, i shouldn't say change - i think the best term is enhance or improve myself.

if you were to ask my sisters what books i usually read, they would say fiction, nonfiction, tech books and magazines (as of late!!) but i highly doubt they would say or *I* would say books that would help me personally (self help, finance, ect..) i was never one of those people who would walk down THAT aisle. i mean, the last thing i want to spend my 20 bucks on, is a book by dr phil telling story after heart tugging story about how it's not me and it's not my fault that i'm screwed up and that it's everyone elses fault and that i need *space* to heal myself. blah blah blah.

the lion and i took a trip to chicago over the weekend. i loved it! we were treated like rock stars!

we stayed at the W city center (not lakeshore) and the hotel capacity was about 30%. we got a room upgrade, free dessert and champagne (for the lion's b-day), some full sized bliss stuff, and we met some very cool people who worked at the W. fun! fun!

saturday we walked the mile. we checked out some suits for the lion. i do have to say the dude @ the ralph lauren store rocked. he was really nice and told us when the trunk shows were as well as how much a custom suit was. armani? uhh you guys sucked.

then we headed back to the hotel for dinner @ alinea. definitely worth the money. we jumped in and out of the wine pairing and they priced it accordingly. we also had 3 extra courses added on to our 12 course meal which was nice. AND the lion got some safron cake with a chocolate candle (that actually was burning like a candle and was edible). we took picture of the event here. a 12 (15 for us) course meal took about 2.5-2.75 hours. we also met the chef and got to peak into the kitchen.

sunday, we headed to chinatown and had some dim sum. and then we headed to the art museum. the chagall window had been taken down for work so, that was kind of sad. but we did get to see the seurat. heh... ferris bueller, you're my hero.

then we went to lincoln park. very cool by the way.. i bought like some serious lushage and then we went to bucktown to get some pizza (sorry it wasn't chicago deep dish) and to check out the shops... argghhh!!! sunday.. close early....

buy that point we were so pooped out we went back to the hotel to hang out with karl and joseph (the store dude and the concierge.) hi guys! and then joseph told us we should go to the rosebud for a nice itallian dinner. very sopranos. in fact frankie was imortalized on the wall right next to us. :)

hrmmm and now.. i'm thinking of going to yellow spring to see this rolf guy for a sunday mysore class... too much to do.

i've really noticed my intuition has grown leaps and bounds.. or is it that my intution has been the same but i'm more in tune with it as i grow older?

anyways, i really pick up on people's vibes. it could possibly be because i'm exploring reiki much more. I do have to say working with my own, other people's and universal energy is pretty personal. i totally won't do reiki on someone i don't know. it's because i personally really feel affected by it (i know you can do things not to take it on as much) and a friend of mine (who's a long time practitioner) has told me stories about what she's felt. she's pretty much felt everything and i don't think i can deal with feeling death or even worse.. .evil.

a couple of friends and i went to yellow springs to do mysore with rolf naujokat. very cool guy. his energy is so much like tim's. and i really felt at home with him. joanie (bless her heart) had that break through moment of "wow he's my teacher". just like laruga and i had with tim. it was very cool to see that. i hope joanie will get to see her teacher again. rolf had asked me where i was in my practice and i told him that i was just going to do primary (i hadn't done 2nd since september) and joanie pipes up "she practices 2nd too"! i was like f*!@#. so, i told him that i'm only comfortable up to eka pada sirsasana and he goes you do all of primary and second to that pose. that was like a marathon practice just about as intense as my time @ yoga works santa monica with john doyle. i totally needed that taste of 2nd again. i could tell i was resistant to alot of things and i know if i go "there" i don't want to deal with it yet. and rolf made me go "there" - he told me not to resist and just let it happen. it was a good trip. and it makes me psyched to see tim in april and then again in july. hopefully, i can stitch back some sembalance of my practice pre- yoga tt drama.

random fun

so, like there's a breaking club that meets @ the rpac and the prez of the club wanted me to show him some rehab-y yoga moves b/c he tore his intercostal. he actually told me that i should learn how to break or more specifically "freeze". i was like dude, i'm older than you by like 5 years and i'm really not that co-ordinated.

ha.. my new b-girl name will be girbling! *eyeroll* really, i'm sure "freezing" will help me in handstands especially since alot of them do handstands by not jumping but by using their muscles to lift up from a short down dog position. hrmm.. it's so interesting how random things can be so integrated.

this weekend is prom.. w00t!

the troubles that my sister is currently going through with her wedding plans futher cements the reasoning of why i want to elope. and the expense! GAH!

*i admit that i'm a cheapskate or "frugal-ish" if you will*

about frugal-ish. yes, i did get a designer gown and yes he is getting a custom made suit.and yes we're getting married at a really posh place. but in reality it will be far cheaper than having a big bash. mostly i think i'm doing this to keep my sanity. i give props to c and p... cuz dude i would crumble if i had to organize a wedding.

other than that, more random <br/> fun. i am a concerned analyst.

on the tri front, i made the lion get up at 8:30am this past saturday to go to a tri seminar. there was a cool bike there. and alot of secret and not so secret "type a'ers" like me. it was interesting. there was this old dude who freaking actually alluded to his 40 min/mi swim time was slow. i was like grandpa, you could kick my ass in swiming and wipe it with your "slow" mile. i was like holy crap i'm a turtle. *self defeat sets in*

while we we up that early, we went to get coffee at caribou and i see these. i want one so bad for my morning coffee exercise buzz!! it's perfect because i can only drink a 1/2 cup and it's small enough for that! on the yoga front, i haven't really figured out what i'm doing quite yet. i love the time i spent with rolf and i know i need to get a move on for tim coming in april. i feel "blocked" :\ also, alphastate wants me to work towards the equipment training. apparently, they're getting more clients than they can handle and they would like me to take some on. very cool.

other.. other...
that new eminem tune with nate dogg is so damn catchy. and i'm really enjoying natasha bedingfield.

it's funny how things are cyclical. it seems that everyone almost has the same feelings or experiences at the same time even though we think our lives aren't intertwined or connected.

just yesterday afternoon i empathized with a co-worker about her grandmother being sick. and just last night, we had to call the squad on our grandmother. both of us had our grandmothers live with us. so similar yet so different.

thank goodness i had CPR training just a mere 3 weeks ago and that i was there. because if my siblings would have followed the exact instructions the lady on the phone gave, my grandmother would have been in worse shape than she already was. because YOU DO NOT administer CPR to someone who's breathing and has a pulse. hello!!!

we did end up laying her down after awhile. but my primary concern was that she was going to lose control over her tongue and choke on it. and then she became incontinent. that's when i knew it wasn't that she passed out or was "dizzy" and blacked out (FOR 5 MIN?!?!) i've seen it happen with both of my great aunts. i KNOW what the signs of a stroke are. you can't forget about it when you're a kid and have it happen at your house. thank god all of us were there.

s'funny how you can go through life thinking that no one pays attention to you. i mean even throught this day and age when we are connected by this thing called the internet. i STILL feel like i am alone and by myself sometimes. i'm thinking it's a virgo trait as well (i digress...) but then someone emails you out of the blue and you're like, wow... it's so easy to find people and connect when you need it the most.

randomly i get emails from people in the columbus area who are stilligans like me. and it totally shoots me back to yeah... i have this disease. i am "damaged". i *shouldn't* be able to do what i do now. and yeah i am extremely lucky. i just went back to the site after not visiting it for years. and reading over the bios makes my heart heavy. hip replacements, knee replacements, ect... i know i hardly talk about my illness and this is why. this is exactly why i took myself off the list and why i never go to the site. it angers me that it takes people 5 years to ween themselves off of 1 mg of prednisone. it angers me that a 20 year old needs a total knee replacement. it angers me that people die of complications to the disease. and it angers me that i am 1 of a few that take matters into her own hands.

so, when i looked in my gmail box this morning and found another letter from a mother who's son has been diagnosed as of 3 days ago. my heart went out to her. it sucks to be 20 and diagnosed with "arthritis". i mean isn't that an old person thing? and what does it mean for me and what i'll be able to do for the rest of my life? i totally know what he's going through. and i hope he's ok. i guess we'll see this weekend when i meet up with them...

what are the jungle creatures doing this up coming weekend? hrmm... i will be studying yoga with tim this weekend (yay!) and the lion will be hopping on a chinook and flying to a camp somewhere for field training.

yes.. yes... come out with it. "ohmigod! you live in the same house with someone who's remotely interested in "military" type things/right/conservative ect... and... and... you call him your soul mate? doesn't that go against most if not all yogic/left/liberal ect... dogma?" more? oh yes. vent it all out. "i would never! no guns in the house! blah blah blah"

ok done? feel better now? good.

i'm not here to judge. and i fell in love with the person i fell in love with. yeah, it used to bother me. yeah, i remember taking naps at his apt and there would be a 1/2 assembled gun right by my head in the midst of being cleaned. yeah, it wigged me out. but really i'm not here to be a spiritual snob. and actually i find myself quite fortunate that i know and love him. how?!?! well, it's nice to really see both sides of an issue. and i consider ourselves more informed because of that. i admit, i've given alittle and he's given alittle on political issues. we both hate the current president. i've always known i'm more economically conservative and of course he is just given his beliefs. it sure as hell makes for interesting dinner conversation :D

i think the thing that helps me realize the gun issue is that, yes, it's a weapon, yes it kills people. but also yes, there are truly inherently evil people out there that are willing to harm you ramdomly and not so randomly. and if i and other people as reiki practioners can pick up on that, then it's real that some people are born evil while some are just made. and that scares me as a woman/person/energetic being. because we cannot live with some crazy assumption that all people are good because unfortunately they're not and you have to take measures (however which way you'd like) to protect yourself.

"What's a happenin' hot stuff?"
-long duk dong (sixteen condles)

i just went to lunch with my group. and my new boss just busted out with "oriental". as in "my neighbors are oriental".

wowwie.

i've been thinking about my life alot lately and what i want to get out of the time i have left here. i realize that there are things holding me back and that there are things i don't believe in anymore. i'm not sure if this ties into the fact that i'm turning 29 this year and i'm closer to being 30 or if it's a different kind of practice that i'm taking on. or maybe that i really feel a change taking place in my life and lives all around me that makes me think that my relationships with people and the world must change. either way, things change and i feel a real growth period coming on.

i went o see a "body worker" recently and the experience was quite strange. i felt like i had a good massage afterwards but she didn't massage me. i also felt lighter as a result of it. as the day wore on though i started to feel really tired. i took the day off from any physical activity but, i just felt exhausted. i do have to say last night was the most restful night of sleep i've had in a very long time.

in addition to that, i'll be starting a new endeavor soon.

interestingly enough, earth day is tomorrow and i'm seeing stories from npr and other news feeds that there are gas shortages. not only that but gas is forcasted to be about $4/gallon. not cool at all.

the lion and i have been thinking of cutting our consumption by buying smaller vehicles. him a motorbike and me a vespa. the unfortunate thing is that we don't have a garage. i am seriously thinking of finding ways this summer to get a garage. the nice thing is that my new place of employment is ~ 5mi from the house and his is the same. so, we'd really get great mileage if we had a scoot/bike.

i'm also thinking of joining a csa (community supported agriculture). northstar uses sippel family farms. my only issue with this is that we won't know what will be in our basket each week. the last thing i want is a bag full of okra (*shudder*). i'm down with picking it up @ the clintonville farmers market @ 9am. it just that "not knowing". if that means being able to get 1/2-3/4 of our veggies from the csa for $18/week and then the other 1/2 from my dad and other places, i think that it would really rock. not only is it local support, it's sustainable and organic. now, my dad has to get started on the garden out back for this season.

i played around with the idea of taking the cota bus. it's looking mighty bad. from osu (RPAC) to the new place, i'm looking at a 30min commute with a mile walk or a 51 min commute with a .25 mile walk. i'm saying we need light rail here. badly.

so, i started the new job. it actually feels good to work for a non-profit. i had a day and 1/2 of orientation where they scared the living crap out of me with diseases and the certification entitiy that allows us to get the money we get. but, other than that, i realized i did miss working in the IT/IS department. i did that intermitently when i worked for a consulting firm and then i went to small places where they really didn't have a "department" per se. i remebered the "vibe" and it just came to me that i missed the "vibe". i mean where can you go and crack a random geek joke and EVERYONE at the table laughs at it? yep, there are perks.

thank goodness that i'm not on any "mission" critical systems here. altho, my group does take care of the kronos time clocks. interestingly enough in all my years in the tech field i never had pager duty until now. and i even have my own pager for whatever "critical" stuff i get into. it is silent now. not sure i'll be able to say that in a year. my group is merciful enough to let me slip into pager rotation in a couple of months instead of right now.

this is my 10th day here and quite litterally after i got out of orientation, i had my first meeting on day 2. i actually did change management the first week and pushed up 2 changes. now, i'm in the throws of modifing all our documents in our content management system and figuring out an enterprisewide search solution. do i contact google and check out the appliance/mini or go with something else? and like i say this is my 2nd week.

they don't mess around here. it's been great to be busy and not "copying and pasting"

love it!

It's kinda of weird seing us in alpha order now that we're (or going to be in as of july...) our 20's. i think the last time we took a photo like this was when i was still in grade school. it makes me think of how far we've come. and how little time we have to have opportunities like this again (sob!) i do have to say we've been pretty much the abnormal. no kids, not even married yet (well.. that'll change as of july too). maybe, we all still have peter pan syndrome (well i do - i'm pretty sure other share the same sentiment as well :D)

my sister was remarking to my mother that they'll have to do this all over again for graduate degrees. yam and sassybat are in the throws of grad school. i will be going back to finish (when the job reimburses) and then it's junjiet to finish undergrad and to go back. i found that hilarious. i'm sure a couple of us will be pursuing phD's so, they may have to do this yet a 3rd time.

already, all of us are departing the mothership. sassybat is on the west coast and yam is in a different state. muki will be moving to a different city and then there are 2.

luckily i'm not talking about an LV. but i am talking about my new sweet ride...

i couldn't help it. clancy called my name. i had to have her. i mean i almost thought about this. isn't it the cutest? my ride should be assembled and converted (i am having them make my front wheel quick release) in time for the weekend to tool around in for comfest and pride. yay!

i'm slowly reassembling my practice. it's actually alot harder this time around with all the running and biking i do. not to mention my hamstrings are short to begin with. sunday i went mountain biking on my mmountain bike finally. i'd been using my mountain bike as a commuter bike, so i figure i should use it for what it's intended for. needless to say, my body was f*ed up yesterday and today. i'm going to try to run a recovery run (~3mi) and maybe lift. we'll see how far i get.

~ 1 /12 weeks until cali!

i'm sure that most people have read that warren buffet is giving away $40 bill of his wealth. with $37 bill going to the melinda and bill gates foundation. big whoop right? i mean c'mon this guy is some rich dude. he *should* give it away. hmm... yes. but this man is definitely my hero.

some of you may or may not know, i received a BS in economics. and in some respects, econ is still my first love when it comes to what interests me. still to this day i think alan greenspan is damn near a god. and i've always admired the open ceo letters warren buffet writes yearly - they're informative and mostly written in a conversational style. not only that, when i read "millionare next door" that really cinched it. this man drives a 2001 lincoln town car signature with license plates that read "thrifty". he is definitely not your typcal CEO.

so when i heard on NPR today that he was giving away damn near 91% of his wealth. i was definitely imppressed. but, what imppresed me the most was the article that the NYT wrote about him this afternoon aptly titled "Buffet Always Planned to Give Away His Billions".

Warren Buffett, the billionaire investor and executive, said today that he never seriously considered doing anything with his $40 billion fortune except giving it all away.

"I think Warren will not only be known as the world's greatest investor, but the world's greatest investor for good," said Mr. Gates

wow and well said. he is definitely a secret yogi. namaste warren. namaste.

back from LA and SD. and terribly tired.

congrats to Mr. Paul Collins and Mrs. Christina Yee-Collins!

i almost didn't go to work today. my head was spinning and i thought i was going to toss my cookies. negative time is not to my advantage. but i had fun seeing the fam. gpa was so happy to have everyone around. he even smiled and clapped his hands.

the wedding was beautiful. i have to admit - my sister was very calm during this whole thing. i like to kid that she was bridezilla but, in reality she wasn't. she was a pretty laid back bride. and a beautiful one as well. beautiful church and great venue for the reception. too bad we had to catch a 6:10am flight back to c-bus on sunday :(

i only got to spend 2 days with tim this time around. it got a bit hetic and all our time in la was spent with family. we did shop a bit (ok ALOT for me @ lululemon. but this time around i'm a teacher. 15% off! and i get to write off my clothes! yay!) but we didn't get to see the getty and i spent a whole 2 min on the beach. next time i'm looking forward to a 'relaxing la'. which is an oxymoron in itself. in la, we ALWAYS have to do something.

i finally got to meet tiffany and julie. that was pretty cool. of course in my 'midwestern-ness', i just came up to them and said "hey you're ______! right?!?!" might as well have said "how y'all doin'?" too. hahahaha. so awful. i can't help it. i can't help being "midwestern friendly" = dorky.

it's always so great to see tim. i hadn't done 2nd in a long while and i'm so glad that i didn't rize up to laruga's challenge of going to tim's sunday morning 2nd series class. i think i would have died. she definitely had a different experience on her vaca. she mostly chilled her whole time there. i was definitely jealous. i seriously felt overbooked. while she'd tap in and be like at the beach. i need a vacation from this non vacation. at least i dind't have to think about work.

talking about work. i'm back. jetlagged. and i have the on-call pager this week. w00t! i can tell this is going to be a stellar week. i just hope none of this stuff breaks or any servers are down. who knows, it didn't rain the whole time we were gone. luck has it that there are thundrestorms all week this week. hmm... potential power outages. ugh....

ok.. ok.. i know it's posted on my sister's blog but.... i just love this picture of my brother-in-law!

so, my sister has been married all of 4 days now. we keep on having this running conversation on hyphenation, not hyphenating, keeping ect... the surname. since she's married and i will marry irish boys with irish last names, it makes for a peculiar situation. maybe i'm making too much of it. but, i could see it freaking people out to correspond with a person professionally with an english name and an irish last name and then finally meet them and realize that they were asian? and then the questions... not saying that it's right. a first name is a first name and a last name is a last name. but unfortunately, we in the united states work on a unspoken race matrix. not only that, but this is who i am. i feel like i'm turning my back to being asian if i don't somehow keep my last name. it's an homage to my past. more specifically, it's respect for my grandfather.

i've also built up my professional career with my last name. i don't publish which is why many people keep their surname. but, i am still known in the professional arena by my surname. who knows - i could publish at some point in time. i'm not thinking of hyphenating to be uppity. alot of people have a bias to women who hyphenate, assuming that they are b*tches. i for one have actually worked with a woman who hyphenated. she was a b*tch. so, i'm sure that it's not unfounded.

the interesting part is that i actually want to be called mrs. irish last name in social situations. I prefer it. because with him and face to face, it makes sense. alone, i feel like i have to explain. professionally, i want to have my surname. does that mean i *should* hyphenate to be kosher? if so, i could be known as 3 different last names. confusing! but, i'm pretty sure i would only the hyphenated last name only on legal documents. sort of like a venn diagram catchall.

here are the options and the debate between each:

keep my surname and not take on his - i thought about this. i really did. but, i want him to know that we are one unit and not to take his name felt like i didn't want to be unified

take on his last name and ditch mine - like i said, it's a respect thing of where i came from and who i am. i will always be asian and to deny that kind of sucks.

hyphenate and really use it as a last name - do i really want to be percieved as being a b*tch? how awkward is that to have to correct someone each time they leave out either name. i have a co-worker who's a product of hyphenation. both names are freaking hard to pronounce so we call him "TR" for the first letters of each last name. do i really want to be known as "YL" or "LY" ugh... then there's the american way of hyphenation vs the english way of hyphenation. surname - married or married - surname? it's really tricky to have the irish last name end with a "y" and my last name start with a "y".

hyphenate and use subsets of each name in different situations - if i'm going to use my married name in social situations and my surname in professional situations... legally, this works out the best. because i can have 3 variations on my name and it's accepted. so legally, i'm hyphenated - professionally, i'm the plain old giraffe - socially, i'm mrs. lion. the only draw back is that i'm 3 different "me's". and the potential of confusion is huge.

let's not get into the kid debate...

what to do.. what to do... any ideas?

i was ready. sooooo ready to practice tuesday. it took alot to:

1. go to a yoga class here in c-bus and 2nd series at that!
2. and have it be a late class (7:30pm)

so, it was to my surprise that the teacher had to bail for not feeling well into the 3rd "b" and that suddenly i had to take over for a 2nd series class (!!!) hmm yeah... it was fun but definitely not my best teaching skillz on display. haha

and then yesterday a student "cracked" and decided to share her "manifesto" of what she feels she needs from a yoga teacher in the middle of class. nevermind, the fact that i had 9 other students vying for my help. what i can decipher is that she took offense to me when i say "and so and so is doing the full posture" and it became a real issue when my dear friend larugala was doing the transition from titibasana to bakasana to chaturanga.

i should preface and say that i have a very young class and there are plenty of people who need modifications. some people are working towards the transition and other have not seen the transition. the root of the misunderstanding is that when i say that, it's a reference point to where you are working towards. this is part of the practice and this is what you ultimately work towards in this practice. she felt that larugala was "showing off" and i was pointing it out that "ooo she is doing it ' right' ". she also felt that she has no desire and does not want to do "those poses"

ashtanga is not for everyone. i readily and freely admit that. some people are better off doing so other practice. and maybe that's what she needs. when someone says emphatically "i do not want to do that pose" that person must ask themselves "then why are you here?" the series never changes - you will always encounter that transition. i'm not going to cut out that transistion because a student has no desire of doing it. and really i don't care if you come into class sick as a dog unable to do jack and laying in savasana. if you are a dedicated student - when you come in at your weakest and your worse. you give yourself to the energy of others as in "i'm here to support you". in turn the energy in the room will be there to support you in your healing for that day.

what she fails to realize it isn't "all about her" and "all about her practice". to extent it is - but to a greater extent when you practice in a group, your individual practice and your individual mediatation gives support to the group as a whole and the energy the group makes helps out everyone individually. if she is not willing to join in on that then maybe it's not for her.

so, now to the disturbing trend. this "outburst" wasn't just something random. it has deeper roots. her daughter is anorexic. we are not talking 'lindsay lohan' or 'nicole richie' anorexic (and i'm not making light of them either. they are and do need help) but, her daughter is seriously 'i weigh 50 lbs and my belly is protruding because my body is eating my organs' and alot of us at this studio thinks that she's going to die. so, when the mother has an outburst like that in class... it directly ties in with what is happening to her daughter. so, i'm not sure what i'm going to do. maybe really rock the mothers boat to have her look into herself and confront the real issue. i am well prepared to be hated by the mother and possibly the daughter. but if that means the daughter may get better. that's a sacrifice i'm willing to take.

in addition to that, me and the lion are thinking of going to see his mother for her birthday. he had talked to his mother last night to see what was going on and she had filled him in on things that are going on with his sister (my future SIL). his sister was diagnosed with anorexia in high school and she got professional help. But, we don't think she's really "over" it. she definitely hides behind the "i'm a vegetarian" label so she can hide her true relationship with food. she had ran her first marthon last year and was VISIBLY upset with her time. at that time i was playing around with training for a tri and maybe completing my first tri this year (ha! derailed AGAIN!) well, she has taken on competing in tri's. i think she's completed 2 this summer. well, his mother said she is VERY THIN and works out like crazy. so, we have 2 issues here anorexia and excessive working out.

i've never had to deal with this. i mean yeah my mom has said some really bad things to me growing up that could have possibly change the perception of my body image. but for some reason i was able to let it go. is it because i don't have "control" issues? or i'm just not that "type a"? i'm not sure - but, you would think your mom telling you that you've gained weight or you ass is fat would have a profound effect on you. but for some reason i let it slide like teflon. then why is it that we have people like FSIL and daughter of yoga student?

not sure what to do and quite disturbed...

these past two weeks have been quite annoying to say the least.

tabo (my car) and I were in an accident 2 thursdays ago. a woman ran the red light in front of my workplace and plowed into tabo. i'm ok other than the week long headache and the back and neck pain i'm still experiencing. tabo on the other hand... not so hot. unfortunately, i'm probably going to have to let my baby go if he gets fixed or he has a good possibility of getting totalled out. the kicker was that he's paid off and had about 5 more good years to him. he was going to hit his 100,000 mile mark and to celebrate we were going to take a spin around the outerbelt. he's been such a good car and to pay homage to him; i googled his name:

* he's named after a hello kitty character named tabo
* the dalai lama has expressed interest in retiring to tabo village in india - home of the famous tabo monestary
* tabo is also an incinerator (!!)
* tabo is a type of surf board in italy
* tabo is also the toronto board for basketball officials
* i could take my tabo and join the tabo traveling troupe (apparently tabo is a fillipino plastic bowl with handle)

so, the search for a new car continues. meh...

the verdict on tabo... he IS getting fixed. the damage to him will probably be ~7k and they value my car @ 11k which means that he's over 50% but not the 80% to be a total loss. i'm torn because i really took care of the car (contrary to what he looked like on the outside and somewhat what he looked on the inside... i mechanically took care of him). but this was a pretty bad wreck and it will KILL me if 2 years down the road i have to drop some serious deniro to get something fixed becasue i KNOW it was because of the accident. but then i could have no problems. it's now a 50/50 toss up when before it was 100% sure that it was normal wear and tear. but then i could sell/trade him and THAT is a whole new can of worms that is going to stress me out.

i aslo hit my head against the driver side door. which at the time i had no idea how bad i would feel. yeah i felt "foggy" and out of sorts but i couldn't figure out if it was because of the accident or the hit on the head. so as the week went on, i felt worse and worse. so, my doc prescribed that i don't lift anything heavy (including myself) and i go to PT. which is KILLING me. the day before the accident i ran 5mi and i had my bike up on the rack to ride 26mi and my yoga practice was being pieced back together. now, i have nothing. all because of a woman who ran a red. but, at least PT is nice. i get the "spa treament" of PT. basically for whiplash injuries, it's massage, light stretching, hydrotherapy and electro/ultrasound therapy.

i asked the PT dude when i can start doing stuff again and he was like.. uhh hmmm, now? nothing. i actually tried running monday and that was the most horrbile and excruciating run ever. and he was like yeah, bad idea. so, i'm forcedto be a couch potato until this thing heals.

ahimsa... ahimsa... ahimsa....

ugh...

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
-everybody's changing (hopes and fears)
keane

futher evidence that the family unit is forever changing: my sister is moving to AZ to take a job with a design firm there.

i knew that this was inevitable. i mean it started with me moving out. granted i stayed fairly close to "normal operating procedure (NOP)" and that was cool because i was in the same town and we saw everyone at least once a week.

then my sister moved out to be with her husband and that was rough. but, it was good that she could be with the west coast fam and at least she has some NOP out there.

but then my brother went away to grad school and even though i tried to go along with NOP it was hard becuase my brother was only back home maybe once a month.

and the the little one wants to move out which...whatever. i have opinions about that. but, at least he's in the same city finishing school.

but THIS, this is big. my twin born 4 years later is leaving. and there will be no NOP with her gone. it's just me and the little one trying to make sense of what this means. or hmmm, me trying to make sense of what this means.

don't get me wrong. i'm happy and glad and she deserves to go. and i'm sure she'll do well and it'll be great and she'll be closer to where my parents will retire. which mean me and the lion have to think about what that means when he graduates.

after having 28 (29 years in 4 days) of a modis operandis of how our family was, this is just sooo different. and i have to face up to it. this happens alot earlier to sibling who go away to college. but my parents prolonged it even more when they decided that we were going to stay home and commute to school. sometimes i think i have more seperation anxiety than my mom. ha.

since family as i know it is changing forever, i think i'm going to get inked. the lion isn't too keen on the idea. but, i've thought about this alot. i want it to mean something. i'm not doing this cuz it's cool and it'd be cool to have a tattoo. i'm doing this because it represents "us" the original 5. so, i don't know. i have ideas but i'm not solid on what i want.

i think it's most frustrating being "slightly off" than "really not yourself".

being "really not yourself" lends sympathy to the issue and clearly you can not do what you used to do or function the way you used to function. the vulnerability and the tendancy to do things out of the ordinary are excuseable and a given.

but, now being "slightly off" tricks you into thinking that you're normal and that you can resume your normal pattern of living. if you have bad days getting back to normal, you can't fall into the warm trap of empathy and succumb to eating really badly or doing nothing. it just really puts you back to square 1 - and folks this is where i'm at. i just have this itch to push myself to normal in therapy. how do you let go and just say "normal" will come in time?

i have such an urge to push myself. to practice satya (truthfulness) was so hard. probably because in my head i know what i used to be able to do and to fall short of that was crushing. so then i focused on santosha (contentment) being able to participate somewhat and to enjoy the journey. you wonder why these are the yamas and the niyamas and when you actually practice them you totally understand why. those yogis... so clever. it's so hard to practice that observation and detachedness. the path to enlightenment for me is pretty pathetic. i wouldn't be surprised if i came back as a bug. haha

i'm back to the tundra called ohio. 40 degrees and balmy. ha!

my time in sin city was horrible, as i predicted... i actually had a stomach virus that started sunday night for me in SD. it was actually worse in vegas. therefore, i didn't see much of the strip. the only other place i went to other than my hotel (the venitian) was the forum shops. awful huh? the indoor smoking made it MUCH worse. thank god i'm not a gambler or a drinker.

the conference itself was pretty cool. of course it was adobe + macromedia so, what's not to like? they had some very slick apps and platforms. i'm pretty excited about they ajax framework they've built called spry. it look pretty easy to implement. all the .js libraries are downloadable on labs.adobe.com.

as always, there are parallel themes going on. on one hand, there is ajax/spry and on the other hand, there's the flex platform. now granted they are different in delivery methods. but their core is both rich internet apps - each hides server calls. the only difference is that flex has it's own app server and the files are complied through the flex server and packed to the user in a .swf. my co-worker had a very good point about useability for those who are handicapped. flash isn't as accessible as html. adobe kept on reiterating that the SDK for flex is free but, i'm llike dude... enterprisewide it's still quite a bit of money to implement. not only that, the IDE is an arm and a leg. coding in notepad for this... uhhh, don't think so. an RIA isn't useful if the only person who can see it is the developer.

of course ben forta was there spinning his word of wisdom on coldfusion. there is a new major release codenamed scorpio that includes an image manipulation class. FINALLY! i should have gotten his latest book (coldfusion 7 webapplication construction kit) and had him sign it (y3$, 1 @m @ g33k). but... i was already pushing the weight limit on my luggage because of my yoga mat :(

i had a great practice sunday in SD (in the morning) thank god i made it there because tim was going on vacation with his family. but i didn't get to go back because of my stomach virus :( i wanted to buy a shirt this time. well, there's always next time...

i would have done binary but, that would have made the title too long. kekeke.

so, 'tis the season. my brother yam has written the name picker for this year's gift exchange. i wrote the one last year. i think we'll make the young one junjiet write the one for next year. we are such g33k5. lst year i wrote it in coldfusion. this year yam wrote it in perl during his office hours @ uiuc. hmmm, i take that back.. this would be a great learning experience for chibiuk to brush up on her actionscript.

so, my holiday card list is getting larger. i'm at 24 now. and i can't decide if i want to decorate.

decisions, decisions...

what these things were really named?

33 Names of Things You Never Knew had Names

1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.
3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.
7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.
17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.
18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is `asleep'.
20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol `#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.
27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.
31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame

- how to save a life; the fray

it's finally 07. it's a year of changes, accomplishments and celebrations. i am truly grateful for how my family turned out. this past holiday i felt that our love and support for each other is greater than it's ever been and it makes me so happy. i know now that my parents are happy with us and how we turned out. my parents have gained a new son this past year (hi hoolie!) and will gain another one this year (the lion). my mother couldn't be happier.

i know i have it pretty good. and it's easy to forget that you have it pretty good until your past comes to visit - i hadn't seen him in 8 years. we grew up 6 houses apart and he hung out with my brother. his younger brother would come over and play with my sister who is the same age. for god sakes, his parent's carry-out is just down the street from my parent's restaurant.

we dated for a short while. he was my first boyfriend. we fought about why he wouldn't go to prom and he said he wanted to marry me (@ 16!!). i told him it was imperative that i go to college and graduate on my own terms. he realized that he didn't want to be a doctor, dropped out, knocked a girl up and married her. i was so mad at him - so much potential down the tubes.

we drifted apart. i was in self loathing mode and dated someone who i thought would fix my problems for 4 years. who wouldn't love an ivy leaguer aspiring to be a doctor? my self esteem was rock bottom that last year. i thought long and hard about the life i wanted and broke it off. we went our seperate ways and i've never looked back or wondered *what if*.

during that time and subsequently after when i started dating the lion. we lost touch. my brother and him seriously lost touch. so, it was quite the surprise when he walked in yesterday at my parents while i was talking to my high school friend. they also have a connection because she dated one of his HS friends. i almost didn't recognize him. he was probably 30% gray - he's only 2 years older than i. 2 kids, a wife and running the carry-out. worlds apart from me - 0 kids, not married and working in IT.

so, i had asked about his kids, his wife, and his parents. the parents are retired; which is good. they worked hard. he said he was doing well but, i could tell he was tired. then i asked about his younger brother.

he said, well he's doing nothing and working at some call center wasting his life with drugs. i was shocked. really shocked. he said it started our with smoking out but, then it escaladed to cocaine and then to heroine. i guess he's not allowed near the house and his mother spent 17g's on trying to get him clean. he said we've pretty much let him be

i thought about my life and my family's life. and how far we've come.

i've never been so grateful.

do androids dream of electric sheep? philip k. dick think so. i'd like to think so. i have a lot of electronics i rely on. and i pack them up everyday and they follow me around like sheep.

but as of 1/1/07, it seems that my electric sheep are running away from me.

here are my errant sheep:

1. my HD failed on my powerbook ~ $330 to replace
2. my left ear of my noise canceling headphones (sony MDR-NC11) has died ~ $99
3. my phone is flakey and my contract with verizon has ended ~$100 for the phone w/ a 2 year contract

so, i'm starting the new year semi-unwired. this type of event seems to happen to me in 2-3 year cycles and i have to shell out some dough on electronics. for those of you who know me, i *hate* to buy electronics. i don't really see the point of buying a electro-toy to have it depreciate 50% when i buy it and then 75% in 3 months because some newer, faster, smaller, hotter, cuter thing comes onto market. it kills me. KILLS me. and you would think this is a 633k 61rl, why wouldn't she like to buy electronic gadgets? the depreciation! *shudder*

the computer... that is a must. i have to get it fixed. as much as i'd like a decked out macbook pro stuffed to it's wires with RAM, i don't have 3g's to blow. and the core software suite i use hasn't been released for the core 2 duo macs (yet... for my mac @ work) i curse myself out loud and under my breath for missing the renewal of apple care by 10 days. hence 330 buckaroos

i decided to investigate sound isolating headphones vs noise cancelling headphones this time around. i liked the MDR-NC11's because of the actual physical cancelling qualities of it. i *really* didn't like the battery pack that hung in the middle of my wire to produce the white noise. i've taken those headphones to multiple trips to cali, vegas, chi-town, bean-town, japan and HK. and they were great on a plane. but, they really blew in the logisitics and neatness department.

since you get like 1/2 a seat on a plane that fits a person that's like 5'5 and under, i'm like a giant at 5'10. i adapt the *i'm uninterested, leave me the f*** alone* mentality. so, if you encounter me on the plane. i'm the one with headphones on and ipod @ 70% of the volume. so, i take headphone quality VERY seriously. so, i invesitgated headphones for 3 weeks. i came across bose, bang and ofsten, sony, shure, and v-moda. there is a stipulation on headphones. in-ear = good ; closed ear = bad. i'd like to lay my head on my side without giving myself a crick in the neck. and i tend to take trips on planes longer than 4 hours. long story short, i picked the shures because of the reviews and it doesn't hurt that most professional musicians use their product. *bonus* it comes with a great carrying case! much better than the 5 cent fake velour bag the sony's came in.

and the phone... it's a phone. but i hated how my lg looked. despised it. nothing against verizon. they actually have good coverage. i just wanted a GSM carrier. it did irk me that i had to have a seperate package to call internationally. not like i do it all that often. but, i did want to call my best chick friend in shanghai. and to get call blocked blew. not only that skype is a bit flakey period.

to get myself off of verizon, it ended up getting a backup phone. i thought about the razr but the lion convinced me to get the samsung trace. i like it alot. at first i didn't like it at all but, it's definitely growing on me. but, i got the nokia 7370 as my phone i will be using for everyday use. poshy posh!

i will give props to verizon for releasing the chocolate and the enV. it's just that i want to call internationally natively.

...

that game was truly abysmal.

the lion was right. it was worse than USC vs UM

moving on...

i've tried writing an entry for the past 2 weeks. i open up MT and then it sits there for the whole day, i get busy, i ignore it, and then i tab over to it and i get disgusted with myself and close the window. This type of behavior pretty much sums up my whole first month into 2007.

i can't even qualify it as a "malaise" about what is going on around me. it's like i'm witnessing my life changing in front of me but, i'm not a participant - if that makes any sense...

i should be happy. i get a free day now, my parents have more free time and everyone is supportive of my parent's decision. strangely enough, i really don't know how to work in the parameters of not knowing where my parents are at any given time. it's not like i call them constantly or they call me constantly but, i *always* knew where they were *if* i needed to get a hold of them. it's silly, i know. but i'm silly.

on a random note.. i really can't believe i went to this school my senior year *shakes head*

via kottke... an autistic woman speaking in her language and the translation

watching the first part of this video made no sense to me at all. it was slightly disturbing at first because of her sound patterns and her movements. but, then when she "translated" it, her message was so beautiful.

to gain insight to her world and listen to her thought provoking and intelligent explanation of her sounds and movements moved me. to be able to interact unabashedly with all 5 senses at the same/different times is truly amazing. she is right about the "normal" world that we live in. it is such a shortcoming in all of humanity to disregard people like her as *weird* when in reality, she feels, knows, and communicates so close to the divine source that runs through all of us.

there is some serious unnecessary honking in NYC. I'm not just talking about intersections. I'm talking about when changing lanes, pregnant pauses on 4 way stops, at people crossing the intersection, at random cars parked along the street, the fedex/delivery guys, the list goes on and on...

and i have never seen a city as *to the point* as NYC. these people have the art of the one answer question down. this city is no fluff, no bs, it's a let's get to the point and take action type of town. i can see fear in their eyes if you try to make small talk:

"Noooo... don't talk to me, just freaking buy the gloves!"

it's like they dread the "midwestern shopper". all corn, beef and potatoes, too nice, *waaay* too friendly, all talk, unhurried (don't you know that *I* have a sales goal to make every hour? just effing buy something!) as *we* the midwestern shopper gaze, touch/mess up the pristine piles of clothing, ask too many questions, and chit chat like cows that are grazing on a field of insanely green lush grass. i know you dread *us*.

admit it.

i bet the worst job a new yorker could think of is probably the concierge desk. c'mon... stupid question after stupid question, rotating between inane requests and idiotic guests demanding the impossible. at the hudson, the concierge desk was as plesant as pulling teeth without anesthesia and as impersonal as going to the gyno. which was quite the change from the "W" in the financial district in chicago. i loved the concierge joseph!

let's not talk about the room. i knew 150 sq ft was tiny but NOT what i was expecting for 2 people. i'm used to being close to the lion but, holy hell this was like i was constantly up in his grill.

and then there's the food. i'm all about the food. i am a foodie. but, when is it acceptable to charge 6( x2) bucks for OJ and a 7 (x2) bucks for a side (yes a side = 4 pieces) of bacon? hmm.. never.

this bacon i had better have been from a heirloom pig from the greenmarket or something because i will be severely pissed if it was some store bought *oscar meyer* brand. and i see how you are, you sneaky hostess. give us the breakfast menu and not the full service brunch menu which would have the friggin' listings of your meat meals sides.

and to you mr. chinatown waiter... dude, you swiped my card. you have me paying for food. why must you insist on watching me sign my receipt? do you not want a tip? do you think i can't see you helicopter hovering around? aren't you like busy or something? because i would gladly keep my 6 buck tip and go to tenren for bobba.

ridiculous insanity.

alinea home of the 135 dollar meal i get. but 7 dollar bacon i don't get. is it me? am i weird? on second thought, don't answer that.

now one if by land, two if by sea was interesting. while we were buying the lion suit, our sales dude actually chit chatted with me. he had asked where we were going and i had said "one if". he was like dude that is THE place to propose in NYC. i was like "get out of here!" and he was like seriously, you will see guys dropping on their knees like flies proposing. the lion and i took that with a grain of salt. kind of like *ok whatever*. sure enough a dude proposed - not only that, i looked around a noticed that everyone's dessert had some sort of congratulations, happy birthday, happy anniversary, ect... spelled out on chocolate on their plates. it was the twilight zone of "celebrations". it was weird. really weird. so much for originality, i picked THE place where everyone and their mother celebrates an occasion like their baby's first poop. kind of like tomkat getting engaged on the eiffel tower.

*so, for the cheesy factor, i slipped my ring off and said "do it again! propose to me bay-by!"

*(ok, that was a lie. we behaved like adults. but it would have been funny!)

yes, yes, mission accomplished. we DID indeed buy the lion his suit. it's friggin' so hot, so fly, so bangin', so (ok.. i'm out of adjectives) that he will bust up in flames like peter patrelli on heroes. what i thought was the most hilarious was that the sales dude trying to upsell the shoes and the shirt. like we just dropped some serious cash and you want us to buy what? it's not like i can tell the difference between a brooks brother's french cuff shirt versus and armani shirt (that was 450...). not to mention that he failed to tell us that the jacket AND the pants were priced separately (not until the tailor did his markings...). oh ooops.. yeah a BIG ooops. nonetheless, it was bought. i sucked it up on my dress and the lion is sucking it up on the suit. which he will wear infinitely more times than my one (a really formal event) maybe two times (halloween?) i could wear my dress.

since the lion can't get his original ring made. it was going to look like the damani d-ring that mr b pitt had designed. and since we had tried on the ring at the damani store with no luck. (like really.. why engrave damani on the outside of the ring? that's just friggin tacky) we have to investigate men's wedding ring options. so here is the list:

the cartier trinity (large size i think is 5mm. we'd be doing it in pt/ the second pic is with a bit of bling. i think he'd want it large with the middle ring with that bit of bling):

the georg jensen (he likes the 4 stack with the bit of secret bling):

and the super secret bling:

i'm not sure if this is the effects of meditation, weather, knitting, my new gal pals or what.. but i am sinking into my introversion quite deeply. if you met me, you wouldn't know that i was so introverted. you would think i'm an extrovert. but time and time again, test after test.. i always start with an *i* .

i've come to terms with it - i am an introvert. in fact i am so introverted, that i test as an autistic individual. just barely though. autistic is 32 i am 34.

lately though, it's hit me really hard. i've been pretty happy hanging out at the house with the lion, knitting entrelac (ohh squares! i love the math of it!), not talking, and just being. i think that's what i love about meditation the most. just being, observing, and settling into introversion.

the most interesting perception of meditation verbalized to me (just recently) was that of it being a *ego crusher*. that initial statement threw me off guard because i really didn't know what it meant. it literally did not compute and was like a foreign idea for an everyday object.

for example, take a pbj sandwich - you eat/smell it. say i came up to you and said why don't you wear it as a hat? doesn't make sense, i'm smoking crack right?

so, when it was explained to me of what was meant by the statement, it was then one of misunderstanding of the fundamental point of meditation. it's not about "don't think about anything". it's about being with yourself for that moment. any thought, emotions and physical feeling that arrive should be acknowledged and just experienced and NOT acted out upon. if you feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it, maybe move around to alleviate it. but don't sit there and *mind bitch* for the rest of your meditation of why your knee hurts. if you were to let that happen, the subsequent feeling that may arise are 1. self defeat 2. anger 3. sadness 4. bitterness 5. anxiety. why go there? when you can just move and keep on keepin' on?

ahh... new phrase: mind bitch. love it!

anyways, this *introvertedness* has been put to the test. i just spent freakin' 4 hours yesterday with 7 girls all under the age of 6 running around and of course the only baby boy ( who's not even 1 yet). do i want children? this is a documented emphatic declaration - no! *don't try to persuade me, if you know what's good for you...*

so why did i subject myself to this mental assault? yesterday was chinese new year and all my cousins and their kids (second cousins?) came over to my parent's house. it was definitely something special. i can't place a name to it yet. but calamitous chaos is a good one. i see the whole premise of mean girls being played out in a couple of years.

so, i came home. and to calm myself what did i do? knit some more squares and did my taxes. i know most people dread the thought of taxes. but, crunching numbers and doing repetitive things (aka knitting) soothe me.

and.... that's why i'm a programmer.