girmander

unexpected death has no words. there isn't even a rationalization for it. i think that's what makes that particular death the hardest to accept.

for awhile anson was immediate family. he dated my sister and came to our family dinners. his family and my family would have combined thanksgivings. it was like an extended extended family. i was defnitely removed after my sister broke up with him but he was really good friends with my brother yam and like another older brother to my youngest brother junjiet.

anson definitly knew how to live life to it's fullest. always down with having a good time and ultra laid back. he never lost that ideal even post-college. his bright light will be loved, missed and celebrated.

All sorrow left me;I realized anew that God wants His children to love everything as a part of Him, and not to feel delusively that death ends all. The ignorant man sees only the unsurmountable wall of death, hiding, seemingly forever, his cherished friends. But the man of unattachment, he who loves others as expressions of the Lord, understands that at death the dear ones have only returned for a breathing space of joy in Him.

anson chan jr. 8/81-8/05

first, no stress fractures! just a case of shin splints. altho i DID have a stress fracture and it healed.

now...

ok so i got tagged by muki (my evil twin). i do have to 'fess up and tell you i am a virgo and virgo's are really particular about what they share to the outside world. so, there are weird habits but, acceptable weird. (hahaha)

The rules: if you get tagged, you must post an entry listing five "weird habits" that you possess. Then, pick five more people to tag, and list their names at the end of the entry. Leave a comment on their sites, saying "you've been tagged" and tell them to read your weblog for the rules.

1. i like to eat cereal with a tiny bit of milk. i hate soggy cereal and i hate dry cereal - it has to be the perfect ratio.
2. i will ALWAYS pick the 2nd stall in the public loo. no idea why.
3. i hate it when blankets are tucked in the mattress (esp. hotels) i will pull the blankets out to sleep. also, on a related note, i'm a blanket hog and i have to have my own blanket. yes, the fuzz and i sleep with 2 blankets on our bed.
4. i too like packing. it's an organization thing and a logic thing.
5. i hate overhead lights. i will go out and buy as many lamps needed to not turn on the overhead lights in our house. not unless it's the kitchen or the dining room.
6. bonus! i really don't like air fresheners. i think that they are secretly poisoning us.

hrmm, i tag nobody.

It's kinda of weird seing us in alpha order now that we're (or going to be in as of july...) our 20's. i think the last time we took a photo like this was when i was still in grade school. it makes me think of how far we've come. and how little time we have to have opportunities like this again (sob!) i do have to say we've been pretty much the abnormal. no kids, not even married yet (well.. that'll change as of july too). maybe, we all still have peter pan syndrome (well i do - i'm pretty sure other share the same sentiment as well :D)

my sister was remarking to my mother that they'll have to do this all over again for graduate degrees. yam and sassybat are in the throws of grad school. i will be going back to finish (when the job reimburses) and then it's junjiet to finish undergrad and to go back. i found that hilarious. i'm sure a couple of us will be pursuing phD's so, they may have to do this yet a 3rd time.

already, all of us are departing the mothership. sassybat is on the west coast and yam is in a different state. muki will be moving to a different city and then there are 2.

luckily i'm not talking about an LV. but i am talking about my new sweet ride...

i couldn't help it. clancy called my name. i had to have her. i mean i almost thought about this. isn't it the cutest? my ride should be assembled and converted (i am having them make my front wheel quick release) in time for the weekend to tool around in for comfest and pride. yay!

i'm slowly reassembling my practice. it's actually alot harder this time around with all the running and biking i do. not to mention my hamstrings are short to begin with. sunday i went mountain biking on my mmountain bike finally. i'd been using my mountain bike as a commuter bike, so i figure i should use it for what it's intended for. needless to say, my body was f*ed up yesterday and today. i'm going to try to run a recovery run (~3mi) and maybe lift. we'll see how far i get.

~ 1 /12 weeks until cali!

back from LA and SD. and terribly tired.

congrats to Mr. Paul Collins and Mrs. Christina Yee-Collins!

i almost didn't go to work today. my head was spinning and i thought i was going to toss my cookies. negative time is not to my advantage. but i had fun seeing the fam. gpa was so happy to have everyone around. he even smiled and clapped his hands.

the wedding was beautiful. i have to admit - my sister was very calm during this whole thing. i like to kid that she was bridezilla but, in reality she wasn't. she was a pretty laid back bride. and a beautiful one as well. beautiful church and great venue for the reception. too bad we had to catch a 6:10am flight back to c-bus on sunday :(

i only got to spend 2 days with tim this time around. it got a bit hetic and all our time in la was spent with family. we did shop a bit (ok ALOT for me @ lululemon. but this time around i'm a teacher. 15% off! and i get to write off my clothes! yay!) but we didn't get to see the getty and i spent a whole 2 min on the beach. next time i'm looking forward to a 'relaxing la'. which is an oxymoron in itself. in la, we ALWAYS have to do something.

i finally got to meet tiffany and julie. that was pretty cool. of course in my 'midwestern-ness', i just came up to them and said "hey you're ______! right?!?!" might as well have said "how y'all doin'?" too. hahahaha. so awful. i can't help it. i can't help being "midwestern friendly" = dorky.

it's always so great to see tim. i hadn't done 2nd in a long while and i'm so glad that i didn't rize up to laruga's challenge of going to tim's sunday morning 2nd series class. i think i would have died. she definitely had a different experience on her vaca. she mostly chilled her whole time there. i was definitely jealous. i seriously felt overbooked. while she'd tap in and be like at the beach. i need a vacation from this non vacation. at least i dind't have to think about work.

talking about work. i'm back. jetlagged. and i have the on-call pager this week. w00t! i can tell this is going to be a stellar week. i just hope none of this stuff breaks or any servers are down. who knows, it didn't rain the whole time we were gone. luck has it that there are thundrestorms all week this week. hmm... potential power outages. ugh....

ok.. ok.. i know it's posted on my sister's blog but.... i just love this picture of my brother-in-law!

so, my sister has been married all of 4 days now. we keep on having this running conversation on hyphenation, not hyphenating, keeping ect... the surname. since she's married and i will marry irish boys with irish last names, it makes for a peculiar situation. maybe i'm making too much of it. but, i could see it freaking people out to correspond with a person professionally with an english name and an irish last name and then finally meet them and realize that they were asian? and then the questions... not saying that it's right. a first name is a first name and a last name is a last name. but unfortunately, we in the united states work on a unspoken race matrix. not only that, but this is who i am. i feel like i'm turning my back to being asian if i don't somehow keep my last name. it's an homage to my past. more specifically, it's respect for my grandfather.

i've also built up my professional career with my last name. i don't publish which is why many people keep their surname. but, i am still known in the professional arena by my surname. who knows - i could publish at some point in time. i'm not thinking of hyphenating to be uppity. alot of people have a bias to women who hyphenate, assuming that they are b*tches. i for one have actually worked with a woman who hyphenated. she was a b*tch. so, i'm sure that it's not unfounded.

the interesting part is that i actually want to be called mrs. irish last name in social situations. I prefer it. because with him and face to face, it makes sense. alone, i feel like i have to explain. professionally, i want to have my surname. does that mean i *should* hyphenate to be kosher? if so, i could be known as 3 different last names. confusing! but, i'm pretty sure i would only the hyphenated last name only on legal documents. sort of like a venn diagram catchall.

here are the options and the debate between each:

keep my surname and not take on his - i thought about this. i really did. but, i want him to know that we are one unit and not to take his name felt like i didn't want to be unified

take on his last name and ditch mine - like i said, it's a respect thing of where i came from and who i am. i will always be asian and to deny that kind of sucks.

hyphenate and really use it as a last name - do i really want to be percieved as being a b*tch? how awkward is that to have to correct someone each time they leave out either name. i have a co-worker who's a product of hyphenation. both names are freaking hard to pronounce so we call him "TR" for the first letters of each last name. do i really want to be known as "YL" or "LY" ugh... then there's the american way of hyphenation vs the english way of hyphenation. surname - married or married - surname? it's really tricky to have the irish last name end with a "y" and my last name start with a "y".

hyphenate and use subsets of each name in different situations - if i'm going to use my married name in social situations and my surname in professional situations... legally, this works out the best. because i can have 3 variations on my name and it's accepted. so legally, i'm hyphenated - professionally, i'm the plain old giraffe - socially, i'm mrs. lion. the only draw back is that i'm 3 different "me's". and the potential of confusion is huge.

let's not get into the kid debate...

what to do.. what to do... any ideas?

gramps
Originally uploaded by girmander.

Chan Kar Yee
1914 - 2006

I miss you.

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame

- how to save a life; the fray

it's finally 07. it's a year of changes, accomplishments and celebrations. i am truly grateful for how my family turned out. this past holiday i felt that our love and support for each other is greater than it's ever been and it makes me so happy. i know now that my parents are happy with us and how we turned out. my parents have gained a new son this past year (hi hoolie!) and will gain another one this year (the lion). my mother couldn't be happier.

i know i have it pretty good. and it's easy to forget that you have it pretty good until your past comes to visit - i hadn't seen him in 8 years. we grew up 6 houses apart and he hung out with my brother. his younger brother would come over and play with my sister who is the same age. for god sakes, his parent's carry-out is just down the street from my parent's restaurant.

we dated for a short while. he was my first boyfriend. we fought about why he wouldn't go to prom and he said he wanted to marry me (@ 16!!). i told him it was imperative that i go to college and graduate on my own terms. he realized that he didn't want to be a doctor, dropped out, knocked a girl up and married her. i was so mad at him - so much potential down the tubes.

we drifted apart. i was in self loathing mode and dated someone who i thought would fix my problems for 4 years. who wouldn't love an ivy leaguer aspiring to be a doctor? my self esteem was rock bottom that last year. i thought long and hard about the life i wanted and broke it off. we went our seperate ways and i've never looked back or wondered *what if*.

during that time and subsequently after when i started dating the lion. we lost touch. my brother and him seriously lost touch. so, it was quite the surprise when he walked in yesterday at my parents while i was talking to my high school friend. they also have a connection because she dated one of his HS friends. i almost didn't recognize him. he was probably 30% gray - he's only 2 years older than i. 2 kids, a wife and running the carry-out. worlds apart from me - 0 kids, not married and working in IT.

so, i had asked about his kids, his wife, and his parents. the parents are retired; which is good. they worked hard. he said he was doing well but, i could tell he was tired. then i asked about his younger brother.

he said, well he's doing nothing and working at some call center wasting his life with drugs. i was shocked. really shocked. he said it started our with smoking out but, then it escaladed to cocaine and then to heroine. i guess he's not allowed near the house and his mother spent 17g's on trying to get him clean. he said we've pretty much let him be

i thought about my life and my family's life. and how far we've come.

i've never been so grateful.

i've tried writing an entry for the past 2 weeks. i open up MT and then it sits there for the whole day, i get busy, i ignore it, and then i tab over to it and i get disgusted with myself and close the window. This type of behavior pretty much sums up my whole first month into 2007.

i can't even qualify it as a "malaise" about what is going on around me. it's like i'm witnessing my life changing in front of me but, i'm not a participant - if that makes any sense...

i should be happy. i get a free day now, my parents have more free time and everyone is supportive of my parent's decision. strangely enough, i really don't know how to work in the parameters of not knowing where my parents are at any given time. it's not like i call them constantly or they call me constantly but, i *always* knew where they were *if* i needed to get a hold of them. it's silly, i know. but i'm silly.

on a random note.. i really can't believe i went to this school my senior year *shakes head*

there is some serious unnecessary honking in NYC. I'm not just talking about intersections. I'm talking about when changing lanes, pregnant pauses on 4 way stops, at people crossing the intersection, at random cars parked along the street, the fedex/delivery guys, the list goes on and on...

and i have never seen a city as *to the point* as NYC. these people have the art of the one answer question down. this city is no fluff, no bs, it's a let's get to the point and take action type of town. i can see fear in their eyes if you try to make small talk:

"Noooo... don't talk to me, just freaking buy the gloves!"

it's like they dread the "midwestern shopper". all corn, beef and potatoes, too nice, *waaay* too friendly, all talk, unhurried (don't you know that *I* have a sales goal to make every hour? just effing buy something!) as *we* the midwestern shopper gaze, touch/mess up the pristine piles of clothing, ask too many questions, and chit chat like cows that are grazing on a field of insanely green lush grass. i know you dread *us*.

admit it.

i bet the worst job a new yorker could think of is probably the concierge desk. c'mon... stupid question after stupid question, rotating between inane requests and idiotic guests demanding the impossible. at the hudson, the concierge desk was as plesant as pulling teeth without anesthesia and as impersonal as going to the gyno. which was quite the change from the "W" in the financial district in chicago. i loved the concierge joseph!

let's not talk about the room. i knew 150 sq ft was tiny but NOT what i was expecting for 2 people. i'm used to being close to the lion but, holy hell this was like i was constantly up in his grill.

and then there's the food. i'm all about the food. i am a foodie. but, when is it acceptable to charge 6( x2) bucks for OJ and a 7 (x2) bucks for a side (yes a side = 4 pieces) of bacon? hmm.. never.

this bacon i had better have been from a heirloom pig from the greenmarket or something because i will be severely pissed if it was some store bought *oscar meyer* brand. and i see how you are, you sneaky hostess. give us the breakfast menu and not the full service brunch menu which would have the friggin' listings of your meat meals sides.

and to you mr. chinatown waiter... dude, you swiped my card. you have me paying for food. why must you insist on watching me sign my receipt? do you not want a tip? do you think i can't see you helicopter hovering around? aren't you like busy or something? because i would gladly keep my 6 buck tip and go to tenren for bobba.

ridiculous insanity.

alinea home of the 135 dollar meal i get. but 7 dollar bacon i don't get. is it me? am i weird? on second thought, don't answer that.

now one if by land, two if by sea was interesting. while we were buying the lion suit, our sales dude actually chit chatted with me. he had asked where we were going and i had said "one if". he was like dude that is THE place to propose in NYC. i was like "get out of here!" and he was like seriously, you will see guys dropping on their knees like flies proposing. the lion and i took that with a grain of salt. kind of like *ok whatever*. sure enough a dude proposed - not only that, i looked around a noticed that everyone's dessert had some sort of congratulations, happy birthday, happy anniversary, ect... spelled out on chocolate on their plates. it was the twilight zone of "celebrations". it was weird. really weird. so much for originality, i picked THE place where everyone and their mother celebrates an occasion like their baby's first poop. kind of like tomkat getting engaged on the eiffel tower.

*so, for the cheesy factor, i slipped my ring off and said "do it again! propose to me bay-by!"

*(ok, that was a lie. we behaved like adults. but it would have been funny!)

yes, yes, mission accomplished. we DID indeed buy the lion his suit. it's friggin' so hot, so fly, so bangin', so (ok.. i'm out of adjectives) that he will bust up in flames like peter patrelli on heroes. what i thought was the most hilarious was that the sales dude trying to upsell the shoes and the shirt. like we just dropped some serious cash and you want us to buy what? it's not like i can tell the difference between a brooks brother's french cuff shirt versus and armani shirt (that was 450...). not to mention that he failed to tell us that the jacket AND the pants were priced separately (not until the tailor did his markings...). oh ooops.. yeah a BIG ooops. nonetheless, it was bought. i sucked it up on my dress and the lion is sucking it up on the suit. which he will wear infinitely more times than my one (a really formal event) maybe two times (halloween?) i could wear my dress.

since the lion can't get his original ring made. it was going to look like the damani d-ring that mr b pitt had designed. and since we had tried on the ring at the damani store with no luck. (like really.. why engrave damani on the outside of the ring? that's just friggin tacky) we have to investigate men's wedding ring options. so here is the list:

the cartier trinity (large size i think is 5mm. we'd be doing it in pt/ the second pic is with a bit of bling. i think he'd want it large with the middle ring with that bit of bling):

the georg jensen (he likes the 4 stack with the bit of secret bling):

and the super secret bling: