girmander

kick ass, i finished the marathon sunday! oh wait, i ran the last .2 miles of the marathon w/ the lion and the lion's sis. i finished but i definitely didn't start it. haha. we did our workouts and biked to the finish line from OSU looking for his sister. she wanted to finish it around 4:30 but she came in about 5:05. we then ate @ the north market and biked back to OSU. loaded up the bikes, went home and made cho-chip and walnut cookies. way satisfying.

i kicked practicum ass monday. no really bad comments. in fact martha said i did well. and then marcia came up to me yesterday and said " i heard you did really good monday". like whoa. my teaching voice is like whoa. too bad my ass isn't like whoa. (ha) btw, i'm working on my ass. those glute weight machines are HARD.

i actually got throught most of the primary (except for setu bandasana) tuesday. and i was only 5 min over. now, if i could add in setu bandasana and be 5 min under, perfection!

also, l and i had a meeting about how i was doing and she had also commented to me that i had more confidence in teaching. it's so nice when people notice that stuff. anyways, we talked about level 1, 2, and 3 yoga workshops that we could do and i think she got alot of great ideas. not only that, she would like to have sutra "book club"/study. i told her to get meditations from the mat by rolf gates. it pretty much goes through the yamas/niyamas and the eight limbs. i think it's a great modern way to bring the sutras to light. he's pretty much an anatomist and some people have a beef with him and his anatomy theory but, really this IS a good book.

well enough about yoga. let's talk tri. so, i'm lifting once a week, pilates 1x a week, running 3x a week, biking 2x a week and swiming 2x a week.

i missed my early week swim (due to nervousness with practicum). but i've been good about my other workouts. i actually converted my midweek biking to a brick. so i'm doing 35 min of biking and .5 mile of running. and i've also made my thursday morning run (aka today) into a recovery/interval run. i ran 1 mile slow and then intervaled the 2nd mile. so, i'm thinking of making my early week run into the " race mileage run" (3.1mi) and my weekend run into an "add more miles run" (aka endurance). i hope to get my endurance runs to 5-6 miles. i really don't want to go more than that. my weekend biking i'm looking into increasing the resistance and time slowly. and in swimming i just want to be able to continuously swim for 30 min straight. i don't care if have to doggie paddle at this point. once i get that, i'll be looking into a swim coach to actually teach me to do freestyle correctly. i just love watching people who can do it correctly and do the flip at the end to go and finish their lap. i want to be just like that. i'd swim everyday if i could do that :)

the lion and i are still getting over being sick. he's more fatigued than i am. but, that may all change since it was upper 70's yesterday and it's not supposed to top 65 today. and it's supposed to be colder and rain this weekend. blech. good thing i scheduled massages for us. we need some recovery :)

the lion made breakfast for dinner last night. when i was driving home i wasn't too jazzed about eating only meat for dinner. but, i'm actually glad he did. god knows i needed the protien. i actually thought about sneaking a salad in there but, i definitely think that had we made it not protien laden, i would really have felt it in my muscles today.

oh well. tomorrow's friday. yay! i'll finally have time to move from a 1/2 locker to a full one and get my headlight bulb replaced. shit. i just do too much.

triathalon:

i broke the elusive 10min/mile tuesday. the title of my post up there? yeah that's my avg mile time tues. i've been running 3 miles consistently for 2 weeks now and i've increased .30/mi on sunday. i'm so happy! altho today's brick was hard. my quads are getting more sore as the week goes on. i do have to say i've brought down my first 1/2 mile brick from 11:40 to 11:00min/mi. we'll see about tomorrow's intervals. i reiterate again. lifting is HARD.

yoga:

i did some restorative work sunday. it felt so nice. i'm trying to scrape up enough money to do a couple of todd norean's anusara yoga classes the weekend of nov 11th. today i'm trying to debate whether or not to do primary or marcia's level 3. i'm starting to get really tired. i know primary will help alot. i'm just not sure if i can muster up enough energy to go. i have a jump through and jump back workshop nov 6th. and 1 more workshop i need to do. i wonder if restoratives count. hrmmm.

wedding:

so, my dress came in early and i have to pay it off by february. i so wasn't expecting it to come so early. i think i might take a litte drive down to cinci to try it on again. and to make sure it's the right dress, size ect...
too... much... to... think... about... and to save. good lord. ugh.

yoga:

i had a really nice practice yesterday. of course it's my moon week so no inversions. but the intensity that was missing came back to me yesterday. i hope it will be the same today. although i don't practice at home or the studio anymore, it's nice to feel regular people energy around in the gym. this weekend is laruga's jum through and jump back workshop. and next week is tod norean (sp?) not sure if i REALLY want to go to that one but it's like about yoga therapeutics in anusara. we'll see if i can get jazzed about it.

triathalon:

shin pain!!! why o why do i always have shin pain around 2.5-3mi/day? so, i'm seeing a sports med doctor about it to see if i'm really jacked up or what. i mean it's really getting ridiculous. the last thing i want to do is stop running. arrghhhh! umm swimming is going well, apparently breaststroke is the way for me to go. i throw in a lap of freestyle once in awhile but, i get really really tired from it. i don't know if i'm just not breathing right or what. umm biking is good. i just really feel it in my quads.

home:

so i've found some new toys i want for the house:
an indoor composter!
a new clock radio with a stereo speaker for the other side of the bed! morining edition in stereo! yes!
this audio component kicks ass
wouldn't this make nice fluffy clouds above our bed?

and oh yeah a architecture firm and contracting company in ohio that makes straw bale houses! woohoo!

i got myself a new toy this week. i'm not really into "gadgets" usually. i mean yeah, i see some cool things like the alarm clock that i'm lusting after or things like this, this or this.

BUT, when it comes to athletic gear. i become such a gadget whore. i got myself new running shoes, i'm always looking for more workout clothes, in fact that nano i want just for working out. I'm also really wanting a road bike now. (isn't it beautiful? it even has a carbon fiber front fork!) i even want a cruiser!

so, when i saw this on sale here(for 40% off!). i HAD to get it. and you know what? i love it. LOVE it. it's probably overkill for what i need ( a compass? altmeter? weather? what?!?) but honestly, it takes my heart rate/tracks my time/has 3 alarms/has 2 time zones. i mean who knew my max hr (heart rate) running was 184 and that i can finish 3 mi under 30min now. * albeit sometimes the watch can't read the HR belt. i'm thinking that it has to do with the belt being new and stiff. and i found out something cooler, all the polar ready workout equipment also picks up on my watch. yep, i was riding the bike today and it kept on telling me my hr and it kept on corresponding with the watch. and i'm like... dude, i'm not even touching the metal things to get the hr. omg, it was so slick. i just thought it did it for the lion's polar watch. i mean i knew suunto used polar's tech but, they also said that they decided to bring it in-house to develop further. anyways, the point is, it was cool!

so, yeah, did a brick today. i've been running with realitively no pain. i mean, today, i feel my calves being a little piquant. but it's not bone. so... i hope this is a good sign. also, i have a bone scan monday so, wish me luck on not having a stress fracture.

tonight i have pilates. aparently lee wants me to do mat class tt and then eventually segway into the reformer and the cadillac and take in my own personal clients. it's an interesting proposition. we'll see if i get there. it's like 500 hours of on machine time and apprenticing. yikes!

for the past couple of weeks i've been sleeping rather lightly. i'm not sure if i'm anticipating getting up @ 5am or what but, this shit needs to stop. i'm really tired.

so today is the day i find out how bad my shins are and if i have stress fractures or not. i haven't been running at all. i've been good - only the elliptical. who knows, maybe i won't even be able to do that.

my last good prcatice was sunday. i've been working the regular job and my parents after work. thank god this is only going to be for another week. i can't take it anymore. i love my parents and all but seriously 12 hour days are not my style. since i've been doing this pilates thing, i've noticed that my practice isn't what it used to be. my balance is actually kind of off. i think it has to do with the fact that, i've been evening myself out and thus moving my center of gravity/uneven muscle supports around. so, it's like i'm starting out again as a beginner but not.

it's so funny, initially i come to the mat and i'm actually afraid of what might come out. hence, why i haven't been practicing all that often coupled with the whole teacher training emotional mess i feel. but, then i acknowledge that i'm really f*ed up right now and just kind of observe. and when i'm done, i'm actualy happy i did it even though my practice isn't what it used to be. now, to only not feel apprehension when coming to the mat. maybe, it's because i have that expectation of what i should be. but, really though, i got that through 6x a week practices. my mind has to be realistic in the fact that i practice 3-4x a week on a good week. i just hope that i will come to love it again soon. maybe, part of it is because i don't feel like i have a teacher. laruga and i were talking about that. there are no teachers for us here. :(

i was just reading the other ashtangi blogs out there and it seems as though everyone is having a hard time with the practice. me definitely included but, it's like an ongoing emotional thing. not necessarily a physical thing. i've totally had my share of those and to be sidelined for 3 months of not practicing sucks. i just remeber being fever ridden and arthritic doing poses in my head. hrmm... it's about that time for the 5 year remission to break. ugh...

today i got up to run. i was so sore from tim's weekend. and i actually thought about turning off the alarm and getting 1 more hour of sleep. the mastochist in me dragged my a$$ out of bed and went to the RPAC. the navy and marines ROTC have PT there mon-wed and friday. so, i'm used to having these dudes smear me in running. so, i walked my 5 min warm up and then started running the 2nd to the inside lane for my first lap. and then i switched to the 3rd lane. it was way different today. i totally was in my core and it felt crazy. so, i finish my first mile in 7 min and then i kept trucking. the last 1/2 mile was hard but the first 2.5 were ok. buy the time i got done to run my slow lap to cool down, i realized that holy shit i ran 3.2 miles in 26 min. and there was NO PAIN! yes! i also realized that i really can't run with music. my form gets really sloppy and my steps are so loud. maybe when i get better with my form i'll be able to introduce the ipod.

so yeah, tim's weekend. always amazing. it was really hard for me to return to the studio but, i'm glad i did. i realized how much people missed me and how much i really missed people. and of course it was the best practice i've had all year. the led primary was sick. everyone was slipping like mad. laruga and mary laura just kept on passing my chalk ball back and forth. thank god i had my rug. i can't even imagine what kind of mess i would be if i didn't have my rug. he was pretty lient during backbends. he usually will have people stand up or he will help everyone stand up before moving to finishing. and with 55 people, if you can't stand up by yourself, you're in backbend for a LOOOONNNG time. suffice to say, since the floor was all nasty and slippery he decided against the stand up. and then sunday was improv. alot of arm balances (i am so sore!!!) which also means alot of bandha work. and he calls me bendy wendy so obviously my bandhas aren't as "locked" as they should be. he's here for another 3 days and i'm so sad i can't make it. today is primary, tomorrow is second, and wed is improv again. ahhh... just to make it to the morning practices would be awesome.

interestingly enough, i really paid attention to the sutra exploration. it's really hard for me to grasp the abstractness of the sutras. i can't tell you how many times i've the yoga sutras of patanjali. but, this time when tim broke it down (he always picks the same sutras) i really paid attention. it's so weird that you can go to the same workshop structurally and get different things from it every year.

luckily i'm not talking about an LV. but i am talking about my new sweet ride...

i couldn't help it. clancy called my name. i had to have her. i mean i almost thought about this. isn't it the cutest? my ride should be assembled and converted (i am having them make my front wheel quick release) in time for the weekend to tool around in for comfest and pride. yay!

i'm slowly reassembling my practice. it's actually alot harder this time around with all the running and biking i do. not to mention my hamstrings are short to begin with. sunday i went mountain biking on my mmountain bike finally. i'd been using my mountain bike as a commuter bike, so i figure i should use it for what it's intended for. needless to say, my body was f*ed up yesterday and today. i'm going to try to run a recovery run (~3mi) and maybe lift. we'll see how far i get.

~ 1 /12 weeks until cali!

i was ready. sooooo ready to practice tuesday. it took alot to:

1. go to a yoga class here in c-bus and 2nd series at that!
2. and have it be a late class (7:30pm)

so, it was to my surprise that the teacher had to bail for not feeling well into the 3rd "b" and that suddenly i had to take over for a 2nd series class (!!!) hmm yeah... it was fun but definitely not my best teaching skillz on display. haha

and then yesterday a student "cracked" and decided to share her "manifesto" of what she feels she needs from a yoga teacher in the middle of class. nevermind, the fact that i had 9 other students vying for my help. what i can decipher is that she took offense to me when i say "and so and so is doing the full posture" and it became a real issue when my dear friend larugala was doing the transition from titibasana to bakasana to chaturanga.

i should preface and say that i have a very young class and there are plenty of people who need modifications. some people are working towards the transition and other have not seen the transition. the root of the misunderstanding is that when i say that, it's a reference point to where you are working towards. this is part of the practice and this is what you ultimately work towards in this practice. she felt that larugala was "showing off" and i was pointing it out that "ooo she is doing it ' right' ". she also felt that she has no desire and does not want to do "those poses"

ashtanga is not for everyone. i readily and freely admit that. some people are better off doing so other practice. and maybe that's what she needs. when someone says emphatically "i do not want to do that pose" that person must ask themselves "then why are you here?" the series never changes - you will always encounter that transition. i'm not going to cut out that transistion because a student has no desire of doing it. and really i don't care if you come into class sick as a dog unable to do jack and laying in savasana. if you are a dedicated student - when you come in at your weakest and your worse. you give yourself to the energy of others as in "i'm here to support you". in turn the energy in the room will be there to support you in your healing for that day.

what she fails to realize it isn't "all about her" and "all about her practice". to extent it is - but to a greater extent when you practice in a group, your individual practice and your individual mediatation gives support to the group as a whole and the energy the group makes helps out everyone individually. if she is not willing to join in on that then maybe it's not for her.

so, now to the disturbing trend. this "outburst" wasn't just something random. it has deeper roots. her daughter is anorexic. we are not talking 'lindsay lohan' or 'nicole richie' anorexic (and i'm not making light of them either. they are and do need help) but, her daughter is seriously 'i weigh 50 lbs and my belly is protruding because my body is eating my organs' and alot of us at this studio thinks that she's going to die. so, when the mother has an outburst like that in class... it directly ties in with what is happening to her daughter. so, i'm not sure what i'm going to do. maybe really rock the mothers boat to have her look into herself and confront the real issue. i am well prepared to be hated by the mother and possibly the daughter. but if that means the daughter may get better. that's a sacrifice i'm willing to take.

in addition to that, me and the lion are thinking of going to see his mother for her birthday. he had talked to his mother last night to see what was going on and she had filled him in on things that are going on with his sister (my future SIL). his sister was diagnosed with anorexia in high school and she got professional help. But, we don't think she's really "over" it. she definitely hides behind the "i'm a vegetarian" label so she can hide her true relationship with food. she had ran her first marthon last year and was VISIBLY upset with her time. at that time i was playing around with training for a tri and maybe completing my first tri this year (ha! derailed AGAIN!) well, she has taken on competing in tri's. i think she's completed 2 this summer. well, his mother said she is VERY THIN and works out like crazy. so, we have 2 issues here anorexia and excessive working out.

i've never had to deal with this. i mean yeah my mom has said some really bad things to me growing up that could have possibly change the perception of my body image. but for some reason i was able to let it go. is it because i don't have "control" issues? or i'm just not that "type a"? i'm not sure - but, you would think your mom telling you that you've gained weight or you ass is fat would have a profound effect on you. but for some reason i let it slide like teflon. then why is it that we have people like FSIL and daughter of yoga student?

not sure what to do and quite disturbed...

i think it's most frustrating being "slightly off" than "really not yourself".

being "really not yourself" lends sympathy to the issue and clearly you can not do what you used to do or function the way you used to function. the vulnerability and the tendancy to do things out of the ordinary are excuseable and a given.

but, now being "slightly off" tricks you into thinking that you're normal and that you can resume your normal pattern of living. if you have bad days getting back to normal, you can't fall into the warm trap of empathy and succumb to eating really badly or doing nothing. it just really puts you back to square 1 - and folks this is where i'm at. i just have this itch to push myself to normal in therapy. how do you let go and just say "normal" will come in time?

i have such an urge to push myself. to practice satya (truthfulness) was so hard. probably because in my head i know what i used to be able to do and to fall short of that was crushing. so then i focused on santosha (contentment) being able to participate somewhat and to enjoy the journey. you wonder why these are the yamas and the niyamas and when you actually practice them you totally understand why. those yogis... so clever. it's so hard to practice that observation and detachedness. the path to enlightenment for me is pretty pathetic. i wouldn't be surprised if i came back as a bug. haha