girmander

today i went to my first accupuncture visit. i would have to say i was a bit scared. i didn't know how i was going to feel. but master chen definitely made me feel ok. i especially liked the fact that he would talk to me and then bam! a needle would go in. then it was like i wasn't waiting in anticipation freaking myself out. i do have to say energetically, it was pretty cool. i went into a relaxive and meditative state almost immediately.

apparently, i am very suceptible to energy both universal (good) and electromagnetic (bad). and that i should limit my tv and computer time. that's pretty funny because i'm a programmer by profession. he worked on my back for this first session. he told me that my chi was all up in my neck and not moving down to my hip (which i'm having my problem). so he "unblocked" it for me.

as or my pesky hip problem, i haven't been practicing for about a week now. i guess i'm to strong minded and i set "goals" or i "make myself practice". so, master chen tells me to get back into doing yoga for the sake of doing yoga and not because i "have to". so, i'm not really sure what to do with that.

and then i had to get a referal from my regular doctor to go see master chen. so i told dr chu what was going on and he told me that maybe i should go and see a chiropractor because my whole left side sits lower than my right side. so he thinks i've twisted my pelvis or as he says "the foundation is twisted" he also thinks it's because i also might have slight scoliosis to the left (!!!). so, pretty much he told me to go to master chen and then get adjusted.

sigh, i hope this passes soon.

i've started teaching. :)

i'm at alpha state. i'll be joining balanced starting oct 4th.

we had a wonderful staff meeting @ alpha state. i've never had a meeting like that where i actually came out of it feeling empowered and ready to better myself and all that surround me. i even get to give a away a yoga scholarship! corprate america should take note. ;) it's all about self care. i think that's what is key about relationship management.

i actually felt like i taught a great class @ balanced yesterday, people laughed, people tried, people got sweaty. a girl was even bummed that i won't start teaching until oct 4.

i'm getting my groove on @ alpha state. i am really grateful to lee and lori in believing in me. i think this class will make me a better teacher. i love the space and i love the poeple. i hope to grow with them.

hrmm, i'm on break from tt @ yogaonhigh. rodney yee is in town and break week is next week. after that it's practicums and certification. it's been a really hard year and i'm excited for it to come to an end.

i'm hoping to save up (or get bonus >:) ) mucho money for:
1. pay off wedding dress
2. tt in tulum mexico with tim.
3. pay off the card (eek!)
4. but the bridesmaids dress for sassybat's wedding
5. take vaca to SD/LA for said wedding

muki is fine and dandy in florence italia. altho a couple of questions:

1. find a place yet?
2. when should i mail?
3. where should i mail?
4. doing yoga?
5. having fun?
6. still alive?
7. drinking too much?

#2,3 email me seperately
#4,7 just kidding or am i? *evil laugh*
and last but not least... love you and be safe

so, i'm teaching 2x a week, doing a 4x a week practice, training for a triathalon (5am tue-thurs!), finishing up my side web project and going to work 40 hours a week.

can i even think straight, untangle myself and see out of my ass? umm.. sometimes.

you should see my schedule, you really should. most weekdays i'm out the door by 5:45am and i don't even come home until 7:30pm. yowzaz!

yeah, the teaching thing. really interesting.

1. i never knew how much energy it took to teach. i am litterally tired after an 1- 1/12 hour class. like i just did it with them.

2. keeping time, i knew would be a problem. i didn't know that it was going to eat up THAT much of my focus.

3. yo was right. the first class is not too bad (in terms of talking). it's the 5+ classes afterwards that you start questioning what you said. you start to think the stuff that come out of your mouth is just cheesy. and then you go.. i can't believe i said that--that sounded really dumb.

4. it's hard not to take it so personally when students come and go.

5. how do you remember names? so hard!

6. the first 5 min is like jumping into a cold lake. shocking to see all those face looking up at you--wanting to know what to do.

7. i always wonder about the effort level of the class. i tend to think that they aren't getting sweaty enough or it's not enough of a challenge.

8. why can't i talk like richard freeman? that man is poetry.

9. never underestimate giving reiki in the room. pretty cool. now, to become a reiki master...

10 . i get into a zone. like doing the asana. wonder if that's true for most people.

11. i'm always curious to know how students felt about class. maybe because i'm such a people pleaser.

this saturday, i'm talking with miss L. about how things are going and what i want to teach for next quarter. should be a good convo. interestingly enough the amount of passion and motivation i feel for this is what i thought i would feel before i got reamed by M. after that day. i really didn't care until i started teaching outside of there. i just realize now that i need to get away and take a break from there. who knows how long it'll be.

guess what? i'm certifying nov 14th. then i'm done! w00t!! DONE!

and i'm psycho enough to start again on my MBA and more reiki training. but i think online MBA this time.

and i just priced out my friend for wedding photos a MINIMUM of 3800$ investment in TOWN! damn, i should have been a wedding photographer. i can't even imagine shipping him and his wife to hawaii/caribbean. (ouch!)

triathalon:

i broke the elusive 10min/mile tuesday. the title of my post up there? yeah that's my avg mile time tues. i've been running 3 miles consistently for 2 weeks now and i've increased .30/mi on sunday. i'm so happy! altho today's brick was hard. my quads are getting more sore as the week goes on. i do have to say i've brought down my first 1/2 mile brick from 11:40 to 11:00min/mi. we'll see about tomorrow's intervals. i reiterate again. lifting is HARD.

yoga:

i did some restorative work sunday. it felt so nice. i'm trying to scrape up enough money to do a couple of todd norean's anusara yoga classes the weekend of nov 11th. today i'm trying to debate whether or not to do primary or marcia's level 3. i'm starting to get really tired. i know primary will help alot. i'm just not sure if i can muster up enough energy to go. i have a jump through and jump back workshop nov 6th. and 1 more workshop i need to do. i wonder if restoratives count. hrmmm.

wedding:

so, my dress came in early and i have to pay it off by february. i so wasn't expecting it to come so early. i think i might take a litte drive down to cinci to try it on again. and to make sure it's the right dress, size ect...
too... much... to... think... about... and to save. good lord. ugh.

yoga:

i had a really nice practice yesterday. of course it's my moon week so no inversions. but the intensity that was missing came back to me yesterday. i hope it will be the same today. although i don't practice at home or the studio anymore, it's nice to feel regular people energy around in the gym. this weekend is laruga's jum through and jump back workshop. and next week is tod norean (sp?) not sure if i REALLY want to go to that one but it's like about yoga therapeutics in anusara. we'll see if i can get jazzed about it.

triathalon:

shin pain!!! why o why do i always have shin pain around 2.5-3mi/day? so, i'm seeing a sports med doctor about it to see if i'm really jacked up or what. i mean it's really getting ridiculous. the last thing i want to do is stop running. arrghhhh! umm swimming is going well, apparently breaststroke is the way for me to go. i throw in a lap of freestyle once in awhile but, i get really really tired from it. i don't know if i'm just not breathing right or what. umm biking is good. i just really feel it in my quads.

home:

so i've found some new toys i want for the house:
an indoor composter!
a new clock radio with a stereo speaker for the other side of the bed! morining edition in stereo! yes!
this audio component kicks ass
wouldn't this make nice fluffy clouds above our bed?

and oh yeah a architecture firm and contracting company in ohio that makes straw bale houses! woohoo!

yoga:

i had a really nice practice yesterday. of course it's my moon week so no inversions. but the intensity that was missing came back to me yesterday. i hope it will be the same today. although i don't practice at home or the studio anymore, it's nice to feel regular people energy around in the gym. this weekend is laruga's jum through and jump back workshop. and next week is tod norean (sp?) not sure if i REALLY want to go to that one but it's like about yoga therapeutics in anusara. we'll see if i can get jazzed about it.

triathalon:

shin pain!!! why o why do i always have shin pain around 2.5-3mi/day? so, i'm seeing a sports med doctor about it to see if i'm really jacked up or what. i mean it's really getting ridiculous. the last thing i want to do is stop running. arrghhhh! umm swimming is going well, apparently breaststroke is the way for me to go. i throw in a lap of freestyle once in awhile but, i get really really tired from it. i don't know if i'm just not breathing right or what. umm biking is good. i just really feel it in my quads.

home:

so i've found some new toys i want for the house:
an indoor composter!
a new clock radio with a stereo speaker for the other side of the bed! morining edition in stereo! yes!
this audio component kicks ass
wouldn't this make nice fluffy clouds above our bed?

and oh yeah a architecture firm and contracting company in ohio that makes straw bale houses! woohoo!

for the past couple of weeks i've been sleeping rather lightly. i'm not sure if i'm anticipating getting up @ 5am or what but, this shit needs to stop. i'm really tired.

so today is the day i find out how bad my shins are and if i have stress fractures or not. i haven't been running at all. i've been good - only the elliptical. who knows, maybe i won't even be able to do that.

my last good prcatice was sunday. i've been working the regular job and my parents after work. thank god this is only going to be for another week. i can't take it anymore. i love my parents and all but seriously 12 hour days are not my style. since i've been doing this pilates thing, i've noticed that my practice isn't what it used to be. my balance is actually kind of off. i think it has to do with the fact that, i've been evening myself out and thus moving my center of gravity/uneven muscle supports around. so, it's like i'm starting out again as a beginner but not.

it's so funny, initially i come to the mat and i'm actually afraid of what might come out. hence, why i haven't been practicing all that often coupled with the whole teacher training emotional mess i feel. but, then i acknowledge that i'm really f*ed up right now and just kind of observe. and when i'm done, i'm actualy happy i did it even though my practice isn't what it used to be. now, to only not feel apprehension when coming to the mat. maybe, it's because i have that expectation of what i should be. but, really though, i got that through 6x a week practices. my mind has to be realistic in the fact that i practice 3-4x a week on a good week. i just hope that i will come to love it again soon. maybe, part of it is because i don't feel like i have a teacher. laruga and i were talking about that. there are no teachers for us here. :(

i was just reading the other ashtangi blogs out there and it seems as though everyone is having a hard time with the practice. me definitely included but, it's like an ongoing emotional thing. not necessarily a physical thing. i've totally had my share of those and to be sidelined for 3 months of not practicing sucks. i just remeber being fever ridden and arthritic doing poses in my head. hrmm... it's about that time for the 5 year remission to break. ugh...

today i got up to run. i was so sore from tim's weekend. and i actually thought about turning off the alarm and getting 1 more hour of sleep. the mastochist in me dragged my a$$ out of bed and went to the RPAC. the navy and marines ROTC have PT there mon-wed and friday. so, i'm used to having these dudes smear me in running. so, i walked my 5 min warm up and then started running the 2nd to the inside lane for my first lap. and then i switched to the 3rd lane. it was way different today. i totally was in my core and it felt crazy. so, i finish my first mile in 7 min and then i kept trucking. the last 1/2 mile was hard but the first 2.5 were ok. buy the time i got done to run my slow lap to cool down, i realized that holy shit i ran 3.2 miles in 26 min. and there was NO PAIN! yes! i also realized that i really can't run with music. my form gets really sloppy and my steps are so loud. maybe when i get better with my form i'll be able to introduce the ipod.

so yeah, tim's weekend. always amazing. it was really hard for me to return to the studio but, i'm glad i did. i realized how much people missed me and how much i really missed people. and of course it was the best practice i've had all year. the led primary was sick. everyone was slipping like mad. laruga and mary laura just kept on passing my chalk ball back and forth. thank god i had my rug. i can't even imagine what kind of mess i would be if i didn't have my rug. he was pretty lient during backbends. he usually will have people stand up or he will help everyone stand up before moving to finishing. and with 55 people, if you can't stand up by yourself, you're in backbend for a LOOOONNNG time. suffice to say, since the floor was all nasty and slippery he decided against the stand up. and then sunday was improv. alot of arm balances (i am so sore!!!) which also means alot of bandha work. and he calls me bendy wendy so obviously my bandhas aren't as "locked" as they should be. he's here for another 3 days and i'm so sad i can't make it. today is primary, tomorrow is second, and wed is improv again. ahhh... just to make it to the morning practices would be awesome.

interestingly enough, i really paid attention to the sutra exploration. it's really hard for me to grasp the abstractness of the sutras. i can't tell you how many times i've the yoga sutras of patanjali. but, this time when tim broke it down (he always picks the same sutras) i really paid attention. it's so weird that you can go to the same workshop structurally and get different things from it every year.

luckily i'm not talking about an LV. but i am talking about my new sweet ride...

i couldn't help it. clancy called my name. i had to have her. i mean i almost thought about this. isn't it the cutest? my ride should be assembled and converted (i am having them make my front wheel quick release) in time for the weekend to tool around in for comfest and pride. yay!

i'm slowly reassembling my practice. it's actually alot harder this time around with all the running and biking i do. not to mention my hamstrings are short to begin with. sunday i went mountain biking on my mmountain bike finally. i'd been using my mountain bike as a commuter bike, so i figure i should use it for what it's intended for. needless to say, my body was f*ed up yesterday and today. i'm going to try to run a recovery run (~3mi) and maybe lift. we'll see how far i get.

~ 1 /12 weeks until cali!

i'm sure that most people have read that warren buffet is giving away $40 bill of his wealth. with $37 bill going to the melinda and bill gates foundation. big whoop right? i mean c'mon this guy is some rich dude. he *should* give it away. hmm... yes. but this man is definitely my hero.

some of you may or may not know, i received a BS in economics. and in some respects, econ is still my first love when it comes to what interests me. still to this day i think alan greenspan is damn near a god. and i've always admired the open ceo letters warren buffet writes yearly - they're informative and mostly written in a conversational style. not only that, when i read "millionare next door" that really cinched it. this man drives a 2001 lincoln town car signature with license plates that read "thrifty". he is definitely not your typcal CEO.

so when i heard on NPR today that he was giving away damn near 91% of his wealth. i was definitely imppressed. but, what imppresed me the most was the article that the NYT wrote about him this afternoon aptly titled "Buffet Always Planned to Give Away His Billions".

Warren Buffett, the billionaire investor and executive, said today that he never seriously considered doing anything with his $40 billion fortune except giving it all away.

"I think Warren will not only be known as the world's greatest investor, but the world's greatest investor for good," said Mr. Gates

wow and well said. he is definitely a secret yogi. namaste warren. namaste.

back from LA and SD. and terribly tired.

congrats to Mr. Paul Collins and Mrs. Christina Yee-Collins!

i almost didn't go to work today. my head was spinning and i thought i was going to toss my cookies. negative time is not to my advantage. but i had fun seeing the fam. gpa was so happy to have everyone around. he even smiled and clapped his hands.

the wedding was beautiful. i have to admit - my sister was very calm during this whole thing. i like to kid that she was bridezilla but, in reality she wasn't. she was a pretty laid back bride. and a beautiful one as well. beautiful church and great venue for the reception. too bad we had to catch a 6:10am flight back to c-bus on sunday :(

i only got to spend 2 days with tim this time around. it got a bit hetic and all our time in la was spent with family. we did shop a bit (ok ALOT for me @ lululemon. but this time around i'm a teacher. 15% off! and i get to write off my clothes! yay!) but we didn't get to see the getty and i spent a whole 2 min on the beach. next time i'm looking forward to a 'relaxing la'. which is an oxymoron in itself. in la, we ALWAYS have to do something.

i finally got to meet tiffany and julie. that was pretty cool. of course in my 'midwestern-ness', i just came up to them and said "hey you're ______! right?!?!" might as well have said "how y'all doin'?" too. hahahaha. so awful. i can't help it. i can't help being "midwestern friendly" = dorky.

it's always so great to see tim. i hadn't done 2nd in a long while and i'm so glad that i didn't rize up to laruga's challenge of going to tim's sunday morning 2nd series class. i think i would have died. she definitely had a different experience on her vaca. she mostly chilled her whole time there. i was definitely jealous. i seriously felt overbooked. while she'd tap in and be like at the beach. i need a vacation from this non vacation. at least i dind't have to think about work.

talking about work. i'm back. jetlagged. and i have the on-call pager this week. w00t! i can tell this is going to be a stellar week. i just hope none of this stuff breaks or any servers are down. who knows, it didn't rain the whole time we were gone. luck has it that there are thundrestorms all week this week. hmm... potential power outages. ugh....

when one starts out being a teacher. it's overwhelming. you're nervous, unsure and really afraid. so the last thing on your mind is your intentions for your students and yourself. sure you had intentions becoming a teacher and wanting to be a teacher. but, i find that they change when you have students.

it's quite the balancing act to identify your intentions for you and your intentions for them. in many ways they look up to you to give them guidance, they may put you on a pedestal. how do you deal with that? even if you have a strong practice or know of someone with a strong practice, the same dilemma is shared. we're all in it together. we should be on the same level. the word guru is meant for exceptional beings like yogananda and jesus. definitely not for me - nor the likes of bikram or rodney yee.

the trickiest thing i've found in my own practice and my practice of teaching is how do i convey that to others? i mean, yeah, hell larugala (haha!! the lion's new nickname for laruga) has a freaking sweet a$$ed practice. i was there once too. how do you deal with the random person (this really happened yesterday in my class) staring awestruck @ her saying "she is the most beautiful thing i've seen"?

and how do you tell your students that, really you're here to guide them and be there for them but don't put me up there with the name "guru"?

so with those questions in mind, here are my thoughts as written to a student:

believe it or not, you have your own guru and it's yourself. you may have other guru(s)/teacher(s)/mentor(s) that will help you lead the way or align yourself with your inner guru but, the most important guru is you.

when i started teaching, i saw alot of things that i didn't want to do as a teacher. my former teacher really thought her student's practices were her's. she felt like she made them and that all they had accomplished was her work. it was almost like she felt like she owned them and when she found a better practioner, she tended to drop her students and try to own this new practioner's practice. i made a vow not to "own" someone's practice nor to "ditch" students for other random practitioners with great practices. it happened to me and it hurts. so much comes out of this journey, the last thing you should do is abandon a student no matter how beginner they are. i create the space for you every wed. what you come in with is your strength and dedication to your work. i'm only here to facilitate and to guide you as a "teacher" with a itty bitty "t". i am grateful and in awe of your hard work and i am really happy and joyus to share what happens in your practice. if you don't remember anything else...know that :)

i just wanted to say those thoughts before i get into the guru question... it really is hard to find an external guru. you almost want to put that person up on a pedestal. i personally don't feel like i am worthy of being a guru. after reading the autobiography of a yogi (yogananda), i feel like modern day "gurus" or i should clarify self professed "gurus" don't have shit on yoganada or krishnamacharya (iyengar and guruji's teacher). that's why bikram and rodney yee don't resonate with me and tim miller does. you can see it when he walks (or hobbles) into a room. he's the real deal. not some marketing machine that churns out the self proclaimed stamp of guru. with that said. i'm flattered that you see me as a guide. i can't offer myself to you as a guru (because i don't know shit :D) but, i can offer myself as a teacher (with a tiny "t") and a friend. quite honestly i am surprised, because i don't have "skillz" like tim!

i will do my best to help you with anything you need. but i also understand that you grow out of teachers and that i may not be the right teacher for you in 2 years. and that's something that is part of being a teacher. unfortunately, most teachers don't get that.

i'd like to think so - but, i'm not sure yet.

i've been having a couple of really strong practices lately and i now feel that oh so familliar urge to practice - like in a class or like by myself :0!!

it's been almost a year now of this lethargy and i think it may be lifting. for sure it would lift if i was in another town (ahem san diego or even austin for crying out loud). but for now i've got to work with what i've got and it isn't much.

i found out that i'm going to the Macromedia i mean Adobe MAX conference in October in Vegas. so, i'm trying to finagle it and see if i can visit my sister and her husband (that sounds so weird to me still) in SD and see tim at least for 1 day. i may have to pull a lion and fly into vegas and then catch a plane to SD and then fly back on monday morning. apparently they had MAX in anaheim last year. i really wish they could have repeated that. i'm excited to go. i mean the next coolest conference would have been flash forward NYC. so excited to geek out!

i love my clients. they are the best. even though all my clients are internal and i pretty much have 1 with other random clients, i couldn't have asked for better. today they gave me a junk drive that they were giving to all the doctors as promo gifts. only a g33k would appreciate that.

hmmm now to go to pistachio to get a birthday cake for mom and muki.

w007!

i was ready. sooooo ready to practice tuesday. it took alot to:

1. go to a yoga class here in c-bus and 2nd series at that!
2. and have it be a late class (7:30pm)

so, it was to my surprise that the teacher had to bail for not feeling well into the 3rd "b" and that suddenly i had to take over for a 2nd series class (!!!) hmm yeah... it was fun but definitely not my best teaching skillz on display. haha

and then yesterday a student "cracked" and decided to share her "manifesto" of what she feels she needs from a yoga teacher in the middle of class. nevermind, the fact that i had 9 other students vying for my help. what i can decipher is that she took offense to me when i say "and so and so is doing the full posture" and it became a real issue when my dear friend larugala was doing the transition from titibasana to bakasana to chaturanga.

i should preface and say that i have a very young class and there are plenty of people who need modifications. some people are working towards the transition and other have not seen the transition. the root of the misunderstanding is that when i say that, it's a reference point to where you are working towards. this is part of the practice and this is what you ultimately work towards in this practice. she felt that larugala was "showing off" and i was pointing it out that "ooo she is doing it ' right' ". she also felt that she has no desire and does not want to do "those poses"

ashtanga is not for everyone. i readily and freely admit that. some people are better off doing so other practice. and maybe that's what she needs. when someone says emphatically "i do not want to do that pose" that person must ask themselves "then why are you here?" the series never changes - you will always encounter that transition. i'm not going to cut out that transistion because a student has no desire of doing it. and really i don't care if you come into class sick as a dog unable to do jack and laying in savasana. if you are a dedicated student - when you come in at your weakest and your worse. you give yourself to the energy of others as in "i'm here to support you". in turn the energy in the room will be there to support you in your healing for that day.

what she fails to realize it isn't "all about her" and "all about her practice". to extent it is - but to a greater extent when you practice in a group, your individual practice and your individual mediatation gives support to the group as a whole and the energy the group makes helps out everyone individually. if she is not willing to join in on that then maybe it's not for her.

so, now to the disturbing trend. this "outburst" wasn't just something random. it has deeper roots. her daughter is anorexic. we are not talking 'lindsay lohan' or 'nicole richie' anorexic (and i'm not making light of them either. they are and do need help) but, her daughter is seriously 'i weigh 50 lbs and my belly is protruding because my body is eating my organs' and alot of us at this studio thinks that she's going to die. so, when the mother has an outburst like that in class... it directly ties in with what is happening to her daughter. so, i'm not sure what i'm going to do. maybe really rock the mothers boat to have her look into herself and confront the real issue. i am well prepared to be hated by the mother and possibly the daughter. but if that means the daughter may get better. that's a sacrifice i'm willing to take.

in addition to that, me and the lion are thinking of going to see his mother for her birthday. he had talked to his mother last night to see what was going on and she had filled him in on things that are going on with his sister (my future SIL). his sister was diagnosed with anorexia in high school and she got professional help. But, we don't think she's really "over" it. she definitely hides behind the "i'm a vegetarian" label so she can hide her true relationship with food. she had ran her first marthon last year and was VISIBLY upset with her time. at that time i was playing around with training for a tri and maybe completing my first tri this year (ha! derailed AGAIN!) well, she has taken on competing in tri's. i think she's completed 2 this summer. well, his mother said she is VERY THIN and works out like crazy. so, we have 2 issues here anorexia and excessive working out.

i've never had to deal with this. i mean yeah my mom has said some really bad things to me growing up that could have possibly change the perception of my body image. but for some reason i was able to let it go. is it because i don't have "control" issues? or i'm just not that "type a"? i'm not sure - but, you would think your mom telling you that you've gained weight or you ass is fat would have a profound effect on you. but for some reason i let it slide like teflon. then why is it that we have people like FSIL and daughter of yoga student?

not sure what to do and quite disturbed...

i think it's most frustrating being "slightly off" than "really not yourself".

being "really not yourself" lends sympathy to the issue and clearly you can not do what you used to do or function the way you used to function. the vulnerability and the tendancy to do things out of the ordinary are excuseable and a given.

but, now being "slightly off" tricks you into thinking that you're normal and that you can resume your normal pattern of living. if you have bad days getting back to normal, you can't fall into the warm trap of empathy and succumb to eating really badly or doing nothing. it just really puts you back to square 1 - and folks this is where i'm at. i just have this itch to push myself to normal in therapy. how do you let go and just say "normal" will come in time?

i have such an urge to push myself. to practice satya (truthfulness) was so hard. probably because in my head i know what i used to be able to do and to fall short of that was crushing. so then i focused on santosha (contentment) being able to participate somewhat and to enjoy the journey. you wonder why these are the yamas and the niyamas and when you actually practice them you totally understand why. those yogis... so clever. it's so hard to practice that observation and detachedness. the path to enlightenment for me is pretty pathetic. i wouldn't be surprised if i came back as a bug. haha

a post about yoga? O_o

yesterday was a REALLY intense day. i had like 3 meetings, 2 which are related to enterprise-wide projects and 1 standing meeting. all jam packed in the morning and then having to figure out the next chess move the rest of the afternoon. needless to say, all i wanted to do was go home. i had packed yoga clothes in case i felt in the mood to practice later on that night. so to my surprise (when i was thinking i POSSIBLY couldn't practice), larugala called and asked if i was coming over. i ate it and said "yes".

i am SO glad i did. in the middle of "janu b" i just blurted out "oh primary, how i've missed thee". and then kyrsten laughed. and was like on "janu b"? and i don't know what it was. i don't know if it was that i can see myself slowly claiming my body back to what it was before or what. but, it felt like i was making progress...you know? like when things just feel like used to and you recognized that glimpse of what you had. granted my pracitice isn't anywhere as near as it was before. but, i really feel things moving positively.

i do have to say that it wasn't just me that made it all happen. i do credit PT(physical therapy) in helping me loosen up my neck muscles so i could function somewhat. and i'm really glad that i had enough sense to enlist dr marraffa's help in straightening me out structurally. she's prescribed pilates and massages for me, as well as adjustments. and i'm grateful that i have 2 very talented people i can look to to help me with that. lee is just an amazing pilates instructor and sabrina definitely has found my tight spots. so hopefully, this will be the end of it. hopefully, i wont have residual pain from whiplash.

i'll be going to sin city in a week. but i'll be stopping by SD for the weekend prior to that to meet up with my sisters. i've always had this aversion to sin city and since i will be going there for a conference, i'm not sure what my impressions will be. i'm not a gambler, i really don't want to spend money on shows. they'll be feeding us nonstop @ the conference... so, i'm not sure i'll ever go back with the lack of things i like to do. we'll see...

i'm back to the tundra called ohio. 40 degrees and balmy. ha!

my time in sin city was horrible, as i predicted... i actually had a stomach virus that started sunday night for me in SD. it was actually worse in vegas. therefore, i didn't see much of the strip. the only other place i went to other than my hotel (the venitian) was the forum shops. awful huh? the indoor smoking made it MUCH worse. thank god i'm not a gambler or a drinker.

the conference itself was pretty cool. of course it was adobe + macromedia so, what's not to like? they had some very slick apps and platforms. i'm pretty excited about they ajax framework they've built called spry. it look pretty easy to implement. all the .js libraries are downloadable on labs.adobe.com.

as always, there are parallel themes going on. on one hand, there is ajax/spry and on the other hand, there's the flex platform. now granted they are different in delivery methods. but their core is both rich internet apps - each hides server calls. the only difference is that flex has it's own app server and the files are complied through the flex server and packed to the user in a .swf. my co-worker had a very good point about useability for those who are handicapped. flash isn't as accessible as html. adobe kept on reiterating that the SDK for flex is free but, i'm llike dude... enterprisewide it's still quite a bit of money to implement. not only that, the IDE is an arm and a leg. coding in notepad for this... uhhh, don't think so. an RIA isn't useful if the only person who can see it is the developer.

of course ben forta was there spinning his word of wisdom on coldfusion. there is a new major release codenamed scorpio that includes an image manipulation class. FINALLY! i should have gotten his latest book (coldfusion 7 webapplication construction kit) and had him sign it (y3$, 1 @m @ g33k). but... i was already pushing the weight limit on my luggage because of my yoga mat :(

i had a great practice sunday in SD (in the morning) thank god i made it there because tim was going on vacation with his family. but i didn't get to go back because of my stomach virus :( i wanted to buy a shirt this time. well, there's always next time...

gramps
Originally uploaded by girmander.

Chan Kar Yee
1914 - 2006

I miss you.

i've tried writing an entry for the past 2 weeks. i open up MT and then it sits there for the whole day, i get busy, i ignore it, and then i tab over to it and i get disgusted with myself and close the window. This type of behavior pretty much sums up my whole first month into 2007.

i can't even qualify it as a "malaise" about what is going on around me. it's like i'm witnessing my life changing in front of me but, i'm not a participant - if that makes any sense...

i should be happy. i get a free day now, my parents have more free time and everyone is supportive of my parent's decision. strangely enough, i really don't know how to work in the parameters of not knowing where my parents are at any given time. it's not like i call them constantly or they call me constantly but, i *always* knew where they were *if* i needed to get a hold of them. it's silly, i know. but i'm silly.

on a random note.. i really can't believe i went to this school my senior year *shakes head*

via kottke... an autistic woman speaking in her language and the translation

watching the first part of this video made no sense to me at all. it was slightly disturbing at first because of her sound patterns and her movements. but, then when she "translated" it, her message was so beautiful.

to gain insight to her world and listen to her thought provoking and intelligent explanation of her sounds and movements moved me. to be able to interact unabashedly with all 5 senses at the same/different times is truly amazing. she is right about the "normal" world that we live in. it is such a shortcoming in all of humanity to disregard people like her as *weird* when in reality, she feels, knows, and communicates so close to the divine source that runs through all of us.