girmandertag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan/212007-02-19T15:41:01ZMovable Type 3.31severely introvertedtag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.63012007-02-19T14:17:58Z2007-02-19T15:41:01Zi'm not sure if this is the effects of meditation, weather, knitting, my new gal pals or what.. but i am sinking into my introversion quite deeply. if you met me, you wouldn't know that i was so introverted. you would think i'm an extrovert. but time and time again, test after test.. i always start with an *i* . i've come to terms with it - i am an introvert. in fact i am so introverted, that i test as an autistic individual. just barely though. autistic is 32 i am 34. lately though, it's hit me really hard. i've been pretty happy hanging out at the house with the lion, knitting entrelac (ohh squares! i love the math of it!), not talking, and just being. i think that's what i love about meditation the most. just being, observing, and settling into introversion. the most interesting perception of meditation verbalized to me (just recently) was that of it being a *ego crusher*. that initial statement threw me off guard because i really didn't know what it meant. it literally did not compute and was like a foreign idea for an everyday object. for example, take a pbj sandwich - you eat/smell it. say i came up to you and said why don't you wear it as a hat? doesn't make sense, i'm smoking crack right? so, when it was explained to me of what was meant by the statement, it was then one of misunderstanding of the fundamental point of meditation. it's not about "don't think about anything". it's about being with yourself for that moment. any thought, emotions and physical feeling that arrive should be acknowledged and just experienced and NOT acted out upon. if you feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it, maybe move around to alleviate it. but don't sit there and *mind bitch* for the rest of your meditation of why your knee hurts. if you were to let that happen, the subsequent feeling that may arise are 1. self defeat 2. anger 3. sadness 4. bitterness 5. anxiety. why go there? when you can just move and keep on keepin' on? ahh... new phrase: mind bitch. love it! anyways, this *introvertedness* has been put to the test. i just spent freakin' 4 hours yesterday with 7 girls all under the age of 6 running around and of course the only baby boy ( who's not even 1 yet). do i want children? this is a documented emphatic declaration - no! *don't try to persuade me, if you know what's good for you...* so why did i subject myself to this mental assault? yesterday was chinese new year and all my cousins and their kids (second cousins?) came over to my parent's house. it was definitely something special. i can't place a name to it yet. but calamitous chaos is a good one. i see the whole premise of mean girls being played out in a couple of years. so, i came home. and to calm myself what did i do? knit some more squares and did my taxes. i know most people dread the thought of taxes. but, crunching numbers and doing repetitive things (aka knitting) soothe me. and.... that's why i'm a programmer....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
i'm not sure if this is the effects of meditation, weather, knitting, my new gal pals or what.. but i am sinking into my introversion quite deeply. if you met me, you wouldn't know that i was so introverted. you would think i'm an extrovert. but time and time again, test after test.. i always start with an *i* .
i've come to terms with it - i am an introvert. in fact i am so introverted, that i test as an autistic individual. just barely though. autistic is 32 i am 34.
lately though, it's hit me really hard. i've been pretty happy hanging out at the house with the lion, knitting entrelac (ohh squares! i love the math of it!), not talking, and just being. i think that's what i love about meditation the most. just being, observing, and settling into introversion.
the most interesting perception of meditation verbalized to me (just recently) was that of it being a *ego crusher*. that initial statement threw me off guard because i really didn't know what it meant. it literally did not compute and was like a foreign idea for an everyday object.
for example, take a pbj sandwich - you eat/smell it. say i came up to you and said why don't you wear it as a hat? doesn't make sense, i'm smoking crack right?
so, when it was explained to me of what was meant by the statement, it was then one of misunderstanding of the fundamental point of meditation. it's not about "don't think about anything". it's about being with yourself for that moment. any thought, emotions and physical feeling that arrive should be acknowledged and just experienced and NOT acted out upon. if you feel uncomfortable, acknowledge it, maybe move around to alleviate it. but don't sit there and *mind bitch* for the rest of your meditation of why your knee hurts. if you were to let that happen, the subsequent feeling that may arise are 1. self defeat 2. anger 3. sadness 4. bitterness 5. anxiety. why go there? when you can just move and keep on keepin' on?
ahh... new phrase: mind bitch. love it!
anyways, this *introvertedness* has been put to the test. i just spent freakin' 4 hours yesterday with 7 girls all under the age of 6 running around and of course the only baby boy ( who's not even 1 yet). do i want children? this is a documented emphatic declaration - no! *don't try to persuade me, if you know what's good for you...*
so why did i subject myself to this mental assault? yesterday was chinese new year and all my cousins and their kids (second cousins?) came over to my parent's house. it was definitely something special. i can't place a name to it yet. but calamitous chaos is a good one. i see the whole premise of mean girls being played out in a couple of years.
so, i came home. and to calm myself what did i do? knit some more squares and did my taxes. i know most people dread the thought of taxes. but, crunching numbers and doing repetitive things (aka knitting) soothe me.
and.... that's why i'm a programmer.
in a new york minutetag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.62702007-02-05T14:45:56Z2007-02-05T19:43:55Zthere is some serious unnecessary honking in NYC. I'm not just talking about intersections. I'm talking about when changing lanes, pregnant pauses on 4 way stops, at people crossing the intersection, at random cars parked along the street, the fedex/delivery guys, the list goes on and on... and i have never seen a city as *to the point* as NYC. these people have the art of the one answer question down. this city is no fluff, no bs, it's a let's get to the point and take action type of town. i can see fear in their eyes if you try to make small talk: "Noooo... don't talk to me, just freaking buy the gloves!" it's like they dread the "midwestern shopper". all corn, beef and potatoes, too nice, *waaay* too friendly, all talk, unhurried (don't you know that *I* have a sales goal to make every hour? just effing buy something!) as *we* the midwestern shopper gaze, touch/mess up the pristine piles of clothing, ask too many questions, and chit chat like cows that are grazing on a field of insanely green lush grass. i know you dread *us*. admit it. i bet the worst job a new yorker could think of is probably the concierge desk. c'mon... stupid question after stupid question, rotating between inane requests and idiotic guests demanding the impossible. at the hudson, the concierge desk was as plesant as pulling teeth without anesthesia and as impersonal as going to the gyno. which was quite the change from the "W" in the financial district in chicago. i loved the concierge joseph! let's not talk about the room. i knew 150 sq ft was tiny but NOT what i was expecting for 2 people. i'm used to being close to the lion but, holy hell this was like i was constantly up in his grill. and then there's the food. i'm all about the food. i am a foodie. but, when is it acceptable to charge 6( x2) bucks for OJ and a 7 (x2) bucks for a side (yes a side = 4 pieces) of bacon? hmm.. never. this bacon i had better have been from a heirloom pig from the greenmarket or something because i will be severely pissed if it was some store bought *oscar meyer* brand. and i see how you are, you sneaky hostess. give us the breakfast menu and not the full service brunch menu which would have the friggin' listings of your meat meals sides. and to you mr. chinatown waiter... dude, you swiped my card. you have me paying for food. why must you insist on watching me sign my receipt? do you not want a tip? do you think i can't see you helicopter hovering around? aren't you like busy or something? because i would gladly keep my 6 buck tip and go to tenren for bobba. ridiculous insanity. alinea home of the 135 dollar meal i get. but 7 dollar bacon i don't get. is it me? am i weird? on second thought, don't answer that. now one if by land, two if by sea was interesting. while we were buying the lion suit, our sales dude actually chit chatted with me. he had asked where we were going and i had said "one if". he was like dude that is THE place to propose in NYC. i was like "get out of here!" and he was like seriously, you will see guys dropping on their knees like flies proposing. the lion and i took that with a grain of salt. kind of like *ok whatever*. sure enough a dude proposed - not only that, i looked around a noticed that everyone's dessert had some sort of congratulations, happy birthday, happy anniversary, ect... spelled out on chocolate on their plates. it was the twilight zone of "celebrations". it was weird. really weird. so much for originality, i picked THE place where everyone and their mother celebrates an occasion like their baby's first poop. kind of like tomkat getting engaged on the eiffel tower. *so, for the cheesy factor, i slipped my ring off and said "do it again! propose to me bay-by!" *(ok, that was a lie. we behaved like adults. but it would have been funny!) yes, yes, mission accomplished. we DID indeed buy the lion his suit. it's friggin' so hot, so fly, so bangin', so (ok.. i'm out of adjectives) that he will bust up in flames like peter patrelli on heroes. what i thought was the most hilarious was that the sales dude trying to upsell the shoes and the shirt. like we just dropped some serious cash and you want us to buy what? it's not like i can tell the difference between a brooks brother's french cuff shirt versus and armani...http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
"Noooo... don't talk to me, just freaking buy the gloves!"
it's like they dread the "midwestern shopper". all corn, beef and potatoes, too nice, *waaay* too friendly, all talk, unhurried (don't you know that *I* have a sales goal to make every hour? just effing buy something!) as *we* the midwestern shopper gaze, touch/mess up the pristine piles of clothing, ask too many questions, and chit chat like cows that are grazing on a field of insanely green lush grass. i know you dread *us*.
admit it.
i bet the worst job a new yorker could think of is probably the concierge desk. c'mon... stupid question after stupid question, rotating between inane requests and idiotic guests demanding the impossible. at the hudson, the concierge desk was as plesant as pulling teeth without anesthesia and as impersonal as going to the gyno. which was quite the change from the "W" in the financial district in chicago. i loved the concierge joseph!
let's not talk about the room. i knew 150 sq ft was tiny but NOT what i was expecting for 2 people. i'm used to being close to the lion but, holy hell this was like i was constantly up in his grill.
and then there's the food. i'm all about the food. i am a foodie. but, when is it acceptable to charge 6( x2) bucks for OJ and a 7 (x2) bucks for a side (yes a side = 4 pieces) of bacon? hmm.. never.
this bacon i had better have been from a heirloom pig from the greenmarket or something because i will be severely pissed if it was some store bought *oscar meyer* brand. and i see how you are, you sneaky hostess. give us the breakfast menu and not the full service brunch menu which would have the friggin' listings of your meat meals sides.
and to you mr. chinatown waiter... dude, you swiped my card. you have me paying for food. why must you insist on watching me sign my receipt? do you not want a tip? do you think i can't see you helicopter hovering around? aren't you like busy or something? because i would gladly keep my 6 buck tip and go to tenren for bobba.
ridiculous insanity.
alinea home of the 135 dollar meal i get. but 7 dollar bacon i don't get. is it me? am i weird? on second thought, don't answer that.
now one if by land, two if by sea was interesting. while we were buying the lion suit, our sales dude actually chit chatted with me. he had asked where we were going and i had said "one if". he was like dude that is THE place to propose in NYC. i was like "get out of here!" and he was like seriously, you will see guys dropping on their knees like flies proposing. the lion and i took that with a grain of salt. kind of like *ok whatever*. sure enough a dude proposed - not only that, i looked around a noticed that everyone's dessert had some sort of congratulations, happy birthday, happy anniversary, ect... spelled out on chocolate on their plates. it was the twilight zone of "celebrations". it was weird. really weird. so much for originality, i picked THE place where everyone and their mother celebrates an occasion like their baby's first poop. kind of like tomkat getting engaged on the eiffel tower.
*so, for the cheesy factor, i slipped my ring off and said "do it again! propose to me bay-by!"
*(ok, that was a lie. we behaved like adults. but it would have been funny!)
yes, yes, mission accomplished. we DID indeed buy the lion his suit. it's friggin' so hot, so fly, so bangin', so (ok.. i'm out of adjectives) that he will bust up in flames like peter patrelli on heroes. what i thought was the most hilarious was that the sales dude trying to upsell the shoes and the shirt. like we just dropped some serious cash and you want us to buy what? it's not like i can tell the difference between a brooks brother's french cuff shirt versus and armani shirt (that was 450...). not to mention that he failed to tell us that the jacket AND the pants were priced separately (not until the tailor did his markings...). oh ooops.. yeah a BIG ooops. nonetheless, it was bought. i sucked it up on my dress and the lion is sucking it up on the suit. which he will wear infinitely more times than my one (a really formal event) maybe two times (halloween?) i could wear my dress.
since the lion can't get his original ring made. it was going to look like the damani d-ring that mr b pitt had designed. and since we had tried on the ring at the damani store with no luck. (like really.. why engrave damani on the outside of the ring? that's just friggin tacky) we have to investigate men's wedding ring options. so here is the list:
the cartier trinity (large size i think is 5mm. we'd be doing it in pt/ the second pic is with a bit of bling. i think he'd want it large with the middle ring with that bit of bling):
the georg jensen (he likes the 4 stack with the bit of secret bling):
and the super secret bling:
]]>
the divine walk among ustag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.62582007-02-01T14:54:08Z2007-02-01T15:08:44Zvia kottke... an autistic woman speaking in her language and the translation watching the first part of this video made no sense to me at all. it was slightly disturbing at first because of her sound patterns and her movements. but, then when she "translated" it, her message was so beautiful. to gain insight to her world and listen to her thought provoking and intelligent explanation of her sounds and movements moved me. to be able to interact unabashedly with all 5 senses at the same/different times is truly amazing. she is right about the "normal" world that we live in. it is such a shortcoming in all of humanity to disregard people like her as *weird* when in reality, she feels, knows, and communicates so close to the divine source that runs through all of us....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
an autistic woman speaking in her language and the translation
watching the first part of this video made no sense to me at all. it was slightly disturbing at first because of her sound patterns and her movements. but, then when she "translated" it, her message was so beautiful.
to gain insight to her world and listen to her thought provoking and intelligent explanation of her sounds and movements moved me. to be able to interact unabashedly with all 5 senses at the same/different times is truly amazing. she is right about the "normal" world that we live in. it is such a shortcoming in all of humanity to disregard people like her as *weird* when in reality, she feels, knows, and communicates so close to the divine source that runs through all of us.
]]>
dragging my feettag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.62522007-01-31T12:43:04Z2007-01-31T14:05:13Zi've tried writing an entry for the past 2 weeks. i open up MT and then it sits there for the whole day, i get busy, i ignore it, and then i tab over to it and i get disgusted with myself and close the window. This type of behavior pretty much sums up my whole first month into 2007. i can't even qualify it as a "malaise" about what is going on around me. it's like i'm witnessing my life changing in front of me but, i'm not a participant - if that makes any sense... i should be happy. i get a free day now, my parents have more free time and everyone is supportive of my parent's decision. strangely enough, i really don't know how to work in the parameters of not knowing where my parents are at any given time. it's not like i call them constantly or they call me constantly but, i *always* knew where they were *if* i needed to get a hold of them. it's silly, i know. but i'm silly. on a random note.. i really can't believe i went to this school my senior year *shakes head*...http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
school my senior year *shakes head*
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WTF?!?!tag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.61792007-01-09T15:24:10Z2007-01-09T15:25:49Z... that game was truly abysmal. the lion was right. it was worse than USC vs UM moving on......http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
...
that game was truly abysmal.
the lion was right. it was worse than USC vs UM
moving on...
runaway electric sheeptag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.61772007-01-08T19:41:06Z2007-01-08T21:37:29Zdo androids dream of electric sheep? philip k. dick think so. i'd like to think so. i have a lot of electronics i rely on. and i pack them up everyday and they follow me around like sheep. but as of 1/1/07, it seems that my electric sheep are running away from me. here are my errant sheep: 1. my HD failed on my powerbook ~ $330 to replace 2. my left ear of my noise canceling headphones (sony MDR-NC11) has died ~ $99 3. my phone is flakey and my contract with verizon has ended ~$100 for the phone w/ a 2 year contract so, i'm starting the new year semi-unwired. this type of event seems to happen to me in 2-3 year cycles and i have to shell out some dough on electronics. for those of you who know me, i *hate* to buy electronics. i don't really see the point of buying a electro-toy to have it depreciate 50% when i buy it and then 75% in 3 months because some newer, faster, smaller, hotter, cuter thing comes onto market. it kills me. KILLS me. and you would think this is a 633k 61rl, why wouldn't she like to buy electronic gadgets? the depreciation! *shudder* the computer... that is a must. i have to get it fixed. as much as i'd like a decked out macbook pro stuffed to it's wires with RAM, i don't have 3g's to blow. and the core software suite i use hasn't been released for the core 2 duo macs (yet... for my mac @ work) i curse myself out loud and under my breath for missing the renewal of apple care by 10 days. hence 330 buckaroos i decided to investigate sound isolating headphones vs noise cancelling headphones this time around. i liked the MDR-NC11's because of the actual physical cancelling qualities of it. i *really* didn't like the battery pack that hung in the middle of my wire to produce the white noise. i've taken those headphones to multiple trips to cali, vegas, chi-town, bean-town, japan and HK. and they were great on a plane. but, they really blew in the logisitics and neatness department. since you get like 1/2 a seat on a plane that fits a person that's like 5'5 and under, i'm like a giant at 5'10. i adapt the *i'm uninterested, leave me the f*** alone* mentality. so, if you encounter me on the plane. i'm the one with headphones on and ipod @ 70% of the volume. so, i take headphone quality VERY seriously. so, i invesitgated headphones for 3 weeks. i came across bose, bang and ofsten, sony, shure, and v-moda. there is a stipulation on headphones. in-ear = good ; closed ear = bad. i'd like to lay my head on my side without giving myself a crick in the neck. and i tend to take trips on planes longer than 4 hours. long story short, i picked the shures because of the reviews and it doesn't hurt that most professional musicians use their product. *bonus* it comes with a great carrying case! much better than the 5 cent fake velour bag the sony's came in. and the phone... it's a phone. but i hated how my lg looked. despised it. nothing against verizon. they actually have good coverage. i just wanted a GSM carrier. it did irk me that i had to have a seperate package to call internationally. not like i do it all that often. but, i did want to call my best chick friend in shanghai. and to get call blocked blew. not only that skype is a bit flakey period. to get myself off of verizon, it ended up getting a backup phone. i thought about the razr but the lion convinced me to get the samsung trace. i like it alot. at first i didn't like it at all but, it's definitely growing on me. but, i got the nokia 7370 as my phone i will be using for everyday use. poshy posh! i will give props to verizon for releasing the chocolate and the enV. it's just that i want to call internationally natively....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
do androids dream of electric sheep? philip k. dick think so. i'd like to think so. i have a lot of electronics i rely on. and i pack them up everyday and they follow me around like sheep.
but as of 1/1/07, it seems that my electric sheep are running away from me.
here are my errant sheep:
1. my HD failed on my powerbook ~ $330 to replace
2. my left ear of my noise canceling headphones (sony MDR-NC11) has died ~ $99
3. my phone is flakey and my contract with verizon has ended ~$100 for the phone w/ a 2 year contract
so, i'm starting the new year semi-unwired. this type of event seems to happen to me in 2-3 year cycles and i have to shell out some dough on electronics. for those of you who know me, i *hate* to buy electronics. i don't really see the point of buying a electro-toy to have it depreciate 50% when i buy it and then 75% in 3 months because some newer, faster, smaller, hotter, cuter thing comes onto market. it kills me. KILLS me. and you would think this is a 633k 61rl, why wouldn't she like to buy electronic gadgets? the depreciation! *shudder*
the computer... that is a must. i have to get it fixed. as much as i'd like a decked out macbook pro stuffed to it's wires with RAM, i don't have 3g's to blow. and the core software suite i use hasn't been released for the core 2 duo macs (yet... for my mac @ work) i curse myself out loud and under my breath for missing the renewal of apple care by 10 days. hence 330 buckaroos
i decided to investigate sound isolating headphones vs noise cancelling headphones this time around. i liked the MDR-NC11's because of the actual physical cancelling qualities of it. i *really* didn't like the battery pack that hung in the middle of my wire to produce the white noise. i've taken those headphones to multiple trips to cali, vegas, chi-town, bean-town, japan and HK. and they were great on a plane. but, they really blew in the logisitics and neatness department.
since you get like 1/2 a seat on a plane that fits a person that's like 5'5 and under, i'm like a giant at 5'10. i adapt the *i'm uninterested, leave me the f*** alone* mentality. so, if you encounter me on the plane. i'm the one with headphones on and ipod @ 70% of the volume. so, i take headphone quality VERY seriously. so, i invesitgated headphones for 3 weeks. i came across bose, bang and ofsten, sony, shure, and v-moda. there is a stipulation on headphones. in-ear = good ; closed ear = bad. i'd like to lay my head on my side without giving myself a crick in the neck. and i tend to take trips on planes longer than 4 hours. long story short, i picked the shures because of the reviews and it doesn't hurt that most professional musicians use their product. *bonus* it comes with a great carrying case! much better than the 5 cent fake velour bag the sony's came in.
and the phone... it's a phone. but i hated how my lg looked. despised it. nothing against verizon. they actually have good coverage. i just wanted a GSM carrier. it did irk me that i had to have a seperate package to call internationally. not like i do it all that often. but, i did want to call my best chick friend in shanghai. and to get call blocked blew. not only that skype is a bit flakey period.
to get myself off of verizon, it ended up getting a backup phone. i thought about the razr but the lion convinced me to get the samsung trace. i like it alot. at first i didn't like it at all but, it's definitely growing on me. but, i got the nokia 7370 as my phone i will be using for everyday use. poshy posh!
i will give props to verizon for releasing the chocolate and the enV. it's just that i want to call internationally natively.
how to save a lifetag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2007:/girmanderskoan//21.61642007-01-02T13:08:02Z2007-01-02T16:54:11ZSome sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame - how to save a life; the fray it's finally 07. it's a year of changes, accomplishments and celebrations. i am truly grateful for how my family turned out. this past holiday i felt that our love and support for each other is greater than it's ever been and it makes me so happy. i know now that my parents are happy with us and how we turned out. my parents have gained a new son this past year (hi hoolie!) and will gain another one this year (the lion). my mother couldn't be happier. i know i have it pretty good. and it's easy to forget that you have it pretty good until your past comes to visit - i hadn't seen him in 8 years. we grew up 6 houses apart and he hung out with my brother. his younger brother would come over and play with my sister who is the same age. for god sakes, his parent's carry-out is just down the street from my parent's restaurant. we dated for a short while. he was my first boyfriend. we fought about why he wouldn't go to prom and he said he wanted to marry me (@ 16!!). i told him it was imperative that i go to college and graduate on my own terms. he realized that he didn't want to be a doctor, dropped out, knocked a girl up and married her. i was so mad at him - so much potential down the tubes. we drifted apart. i was in self loathing mode and dated someone who i thought would fix my problems for 4 years. who wouldn't love an ivy leaguer aspiring to be a doctor? my self esteem was rock bottom that last year. i thought long and hard about the life i wanted and broke it off. we went our seperate ways and i've never looked back or wondered *what if*. during that time and subsequently after when i started dating the lion. we lost touch. my brother and him seriously lost touch. so, it was quite the surprise when he walked in yesterday at my parents while i was talking to my high school friend. they also have a connection because she dated one of his HS friends. i almost didn't recognize him. he was probably 30% gray - he's only 2 years older than i. 2 kids, a wife and running the carry-out. worlds apart from me - 0 kids, not married and working in IT. so, i had asked about his kids, his wife, and his parents. the parents are retired; which is good. they worked hard. he said he was doing well but, i could tell he was tired. then i asked about his younger brother. he said, well he's doing nothing and working at some call center wasting his life with drugs. i was shocked. really shocked. he said it started our with smoking out but, then it escaladed to cocaine and then to heroine. i guess he's not allowed near the house and his mother spent 17g's on trying to get him clean. he said we've pretty much let him be i thought about my life and my family's life. and how far we've come. i've never been so grateful....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
- how to save a life; the fray
it's finally 07. it's a year of changes, accomplishments and celebrations. i am truly grateful for how my family turned out. this past holiday i felt that our love and support for each other is greater than it's ever been and it makes me so happy. i know now that my parents are happy with us and how we turned out. my parents have gained a new son this past year (hi hoolie!) and will gain another one this year (the lion). my mother couldn't be happier.
i know i have it pretty good. and it's easy to forget that you have it pretty good until your past comes to visit - i hadn't seen him in 8 years. we grew up 6 houses apart and he hung out with my brother. his younger brother would come over and play with my sister who is the same age. for god sakes, his parent's carry-out is just down the street from my parent's restaurant.
we dated for a short while. he was my first boyfriend. we fought about why he wouldn't go to prom and he said he wanted to marry me (@ 16!!). i told him it was imperative that i go to college and graduate on my own terms. he realized that he didn't want to be a doctor, dropped out, knocked a girl up and married her. i was so mad at him - so much potential down the tubes.
we drifted apart. i was in self loathing mode and dated someone who i thought would fix my problems for 4 years. who wouldn't love an ivy leaguer aspiring to be a doctor? my self esteem was rock bottom that last year. i thought long and hard about the life i wanted and broke it off. we went our seperate ways and i've never looked back or wondered *what if*.
during that time and subsequently after when i started dating the lion. we lost touch. my brother and him seriously lost touch. so, it was quite the surprise when he walked in yesterday at my parents while i was talking to my high school friend. they also have a connection because she dated one of his HS friends. i almost didn't recognize him. he was probably 30% gray - he's only 2 years older than i. 2 kids, a wife and running the carry-out. worlds apart from me - 0 kids, not married and working in IT.
so, i had asked about his kids, his wife, and his parents. the parents are retired; which is good. they worked hard. he said he was doing well but, i could tell he was tired. then i asked about his younger brother.
he said, well he's doing nothing and working at some call center wasting his life with drugs. i was shocked. really shocked. he said it started our with smoking out but, then it escaladed to cocaine and then to heroine. i guess he's not allowed near the house and his mother spent 17g's on trying to get him clean. he said we've pretty much let him be
i thought about my life and my family's life. and how far we've come.
i've never been so grateful.]]>
did you ever wondertag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.61182006-12-12T21:23:45Z2006-12-12T21:26:18Zwhat these things were really named? 33 Names of Things You Never Knew had Names 1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace. 2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing. 3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits. 4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils. 5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes. 6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair. 7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place. 8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade. 9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.) 10. JARNS, 11. NITTLES, 12. GRAWLIX, 13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books. 14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle. 15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity. 16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood. 17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe. 18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship. 19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is `asleep'. 20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol `#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe. 21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets. 22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face. 23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball. 24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger. 25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist. 26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs. 27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook. 28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk. 29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars. 30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung. 31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument. 32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling. 33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
what these things were really named?
33 Names of Things You Never Knew had Names
1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace.
2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing.
3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits.
4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils.
5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes.
6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair.
7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place.
8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade.
9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.)
10. JARNS,
11. NITTLES,
12. GRAWLIX,
13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books.
14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle.
15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity.
16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a graduate's academic hood.
17. MINIMUS - The little finger or toe.
18. NEF - An ornamental stand in the shape of a ship.
19. OBDORMITION - The numbness caused by pressure on a nerve; when a limb is `asleep'.
20. OCTOTHORPE - The symbol `#' on a telephone handset. Bell Labs' engineer Don Macpherson created the word in the 1960s by combining octo-, as in eight, with the name of one of his favourite athletes, 1912 Olympic decathlon champion Jim Thorpe.
21. OPHRYON - The space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.
22. PEEN - The end of a hammer head opposite the striking face.
23. PHOSPHENES - The lights you see when you close your eyes hard. Technically the luminous impressions are due to the excitation of the retina caused by pressure on the eyeball.
24. PURLICUE - The space between the thumb and extended forefinger.
25. RASCETA - Creases on the inside of the wrist.
26. ROWEL - The revolving star on the back of a cowboy's spurs.
27. SADDLE - The rounded part on the top of a matchbook.
28. SCROOP - The rustle of silk.
29. SNORKEL BOX - A mailbox with a protruding receiver to allow people to deposit mail without leaving their cars.
30. SPRAINTS - Otter dung.
31. TANG - The projecting prong on a tool or instrument.
32. WAMBLE - Stomach rumbling.
33. ZARF - A holder for a handleless coffee cup.
<![CDATA[<span color=#ffffff/> christmas]]>tag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.60672006-11-28T18:06:48Z2006-11-28T18:36:38Zi would have done binary but, that would have made the title too long. kekeke. so, 'tis the season. my brother yam has written the name picker for this year's gift exchange. i wrote the one last year. i think we'll make the young one junjiet write the one for next year. we are such g33k5. lst year i wrote it in coldfusion. this year yam wrote it in perl during his office hours @ uiuc. hmmm, i take that back.. this would be a great learning experience for chibiuk to brush up on her actionscript. so, my holiday card list is getting larger. i'm at 24 now. and i can't decide if i want to decorate. decisions, decisions......http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
uiuc. hmmm, i take that back.. this would be a great learning experience for chibiuk to brush up on her actionscript.
so, my holiday card list is getting larger. i'm at 24 now. and i can't decide if i want to decorate.
decisions, decisions... ]]>
celebrity look aliketag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.60122006-11-13T21:19:14Z2006-11-13T21:24:21Zhttp://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan]]>
i dedicate this practice to you...tag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.59972006-11-09T18:30:13Z2006-11-09T18:41:40Z gramps Originally uploaded by girmander. Why cling to one life till it is soiled and ragged? The sun dies and dies squandering a hundred lived every instant God has decreed life for you and He will give another and another and another -rumi Chan Kar Yee 1914 - 2006 I miss you....http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan gramps
Originally uploaded by girmander.
Why cling to one life
till it is soiled and ragged?
The sun dies and dies
squandering a hundred lived
every instant
God has decreed life for you
and He will give
another and another and another
-rumi
Chan Kar Yee
1914 - 2006
I miss you.
]]>
mac lovetag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.59522006-11-02T14:24:57Z2006-11-02T14:25:03Z 11/1/06 - 3rd day with the imac. Originally uploaded by girmander. when i came back to my cube after MAX 2006, i had a present waiting for me. a shiny new imac! i was talking to the lion and told him i should take a picture everyday for 1 month to solidify my mac geekiness. he said ohh yeah do it baby! that makes me hot. so... there you go!...http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan 11/1/06 - 3rd day with the imac.
Originally uploaded by girmander.
when i came back to my cube after MAX 2006, i had a present waiting for me. a shiny new imac! i was talking to the lion and told him i should take a picture everyday for 1 month to solidify my mac geekiness. he said ohh yeah do it baby! that makes me hot.
so... there you go!
]]>
sin citytag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.59132006-10-27T20:35:43Z2006-10-27T21:21:38Zi'm back to the tundra called ohio. 40 degrees and balmy. ha! my time in sin city was horrible, as i predicted... i actually had a stomach virus that started sunday night for me in SD. it was actually worse in vegas. therefore, i didn't see much of the strip. the only other place i went to other than my hotel (the venitian) was the forum shops. awful huh? the indoor smoking made it MUCH worse. thank god i'm not a gambler or a drinker. the conference itself was pretty cool. of course it was adobe + macromedia so, what's not to like? they had some very slick apps and platforms. i'm pretty excited about they ajax framework they've built called spry. it look pretty easy to implement. all the .js libraries are downloadable on labs.adobe.com. as always, there are parallel themes going on. on one hand, there is ajax/spry and on the other hand, there's the flex platform. now granted they are different in delivery methods. but their core is both rich internet apps - each hides server calls. the only difference is that flex has it's own app server and the files are complied through the flex server and packed to the user in a .swf. my co-worker had a very good point about useability for those who are handicapped. flash isn't as accessible as html. adobe kept on reiterating that the SDK for flex is free but, i'm llike dude... enterprisewide it's still quite a bit of money to implement. not only that, the IDE is an arm and a leg. coding in notepad for this... uhhh, don't think so. an RIA isn't useful if the only person who can see it is the developer. of course ben forta was there spinning his word of wisdom on coldfusion. there is a new major release codenamed scorpio that includes an image manipulation class. FINALLY! i should have gotten his latest book (coldfusion 7 webapplication construction kit) and had him sign it (y3$, 1 @m @ g33k). but... i was already pushing the weight limit on my luggage because of my yoga mat :( i had a great practice sunday in SD (in the morning) thank god i made it there because tim was going on vacation with his family. but i didn't get to go back because of my stomach virus :( i wanted to buy a shirt this time. well, there's always next time......http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
i'm back to the tundra called ohio. 40 degrees and balmy. ha!
my time in sin city was horrible, as i predicted... i actually had a stomach virus that started sunday night for me in SD. it was actually worse in vegas. therefore, i didn't see much of the strip. the only other place i went to other than my hotel (the venitian) was the forum shops. awful huh? the indoor smoking made it MUCH worse. thank god i'm not a gambler or a drinker.
the conference itself was pretty cool. of course it was adobe + macromedia so, what's not to like? they had some very slick apps and platforms. i'm pretty excited about they ajax framework they've built called spry. it look pretty easy to implement. all the .js libraries are downloadable on labs.adobe.com.
as always, there are parallel themes going on. on one hand, there is ajax/spry and on the other hand, there's the flex platform. now granted they are different in delivery methods. but their core is both rich internet apps - each hides server calls. the only difference is that flex has it's own app server and the files are complied through the flex server and packed to the user in a .swf. my co-worker had a very good point about useability for those who are handicapped. flash isn't as accessible as html. adobe kept on reiterating that the SDK for flex is free but, i'm llike dude... enterprisewide it's still quite a bit of money to implement. not only that, the IDE is an arm and a leg. coding in notepad for this... uhhh, don't think so. an RIA isn't useful if the only person who can see it is the developer.
of course ben forta was there spinning his word of wisdom on coldfusion. there is a new major release codenamed scorpio that includes an image manipulation class. FINALLY! i should have gotten his latest book (coldfusion 7 webapplication construction kit) and had him sign it (y3$, 1 @m @ g33k). but... i was already pushing the weight limit on my luggage because of my yoga mat :(
i had a great practice sunday in SD (in the morning) thank god i made it there because tim was going on vacation with his family. but i didn't get to go back because of my stomach virus :( i wanted to buy a shirt this time. well, there's always next time...
could it be?tag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.58042006-10-11T19:18:33Z2006-10-11T19:46:04Za post about yoga? O_o yesterday was a REALLY intense day. i had like 3 meetings, 2 which are related to enterprise-wide projects and 1 standing meeting. all jam packed in the morning and then having to figure out the next chess move the rest of the afternoon. needless to say, all i wanted to do was go home. i had packed yoga clothes in case i felt in the mood to practice later on that night. so to my surprise (when i was thinking i POSSIBLY couldn't practice), larugala called and asked if i was coming over. i ate it and said "yes". i am SO glad i did. in the middle of "janu b" i just blurted out "oh primary, how i've missed thee". and then kyrsten laughed. and was like on "janu b"? and i don't know what it was. i don't know if it was that i can see myself slowly claiming my body back to what it was before or what. but, it felt like i was making progress...you know? like when things just feel like used to and you recognized that glimpse of what you had. granted my pracitice isn't anywhere as near as it was before. but, i really feel things moving positively. i do have to say that it wasn't just me that made it all happen. i do credit PT(physical therapy) in helping me loosen up my neck muscles so i could function somewhat. and i'm really glad that i had enough sense to enlist dr marraffa's help in straightening me out structurally. she's prescribed pilates and massages for me, as well as adjustments. and i'm grateful that i have 2 very talented people i can look to to help me with that. lee is just an amazing pilates instructor and sabrina definitely has found my tight spots. so hopefully, this will be the end of it. hopefully, i wont have residual pain from whiplash. i'll be going to sin city in a week. but i'll be stopping by SD for the weekend prior to that to meet up with my sisters. i've always had this aversion to sin city and since i will be going there for a conference, i'm not sure what my impressions will be. i'm not a gambler, i really don't want to spend money on shows. they'll be feeding us nonstop @ the conference... so, i'm not sure i'll ever go back with the lack of things i like to do. we'll see......http://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
a post about yoga? O_o
yesterday was a REALLY intense day. i had like 3 meetings, 2 which are related to enterprise-wide projects and 1 standing meeting. all jam packed in the morning and then having to figure out the next chess move the rest of the afternoon. needless to say, all i wanted to do was go home. i had packed yoga clothes in case i felt in the mood to practice later on that night. so to my surprise (when i was thinking i POSSIBLY couldn't practice), larugala called and asked if i was coming over. i ate it and said "yes".
i am SO glad i did. in the middle of "janu b" i just blurted out "oh primary, how i've missed thee". and then kyrsten laughed. and was like on "janu b"? and i don't know what it was. i don't know if it was that i can see myself slowly claiming my body back to what it was before or what. but, it felt like i was making progress...you know? like when things just feel like used to and you recognized that glimpse of what you had. granted my pracitice isn't anywhere as near as it was before. but, i really feel things moving positively.
i do have to say that it wasn't just me that made it all happen. i do credit PT(physical therapy) in helping me loosen up my neck muscles so i could function somewhat. and i'm really glad that i had enough sense to enlist dr marraffa's help in straightening me out structurally. she's prescribed pilates and massages for me, as well as adjustments. and i'm grateful that i have 2 very talented people i can look to to help me with that. lee is just an amazing pilates instructor and sabrina definitely has found my tight spots. so hopefully, this will be the end of it. hopefully, i wont have residual pain from whiplash.
i'll be going to sin city in a week. but i'll be stopping by SD for the weekend prior to that to meet up with my sisters. i've always had this aversion to sin city and since i will be going there for a conference, i'm not sure what my impressions will be. i'm not a gambler, i really don't want to spend money on shows. they'll be feeding us nonstop @ the conference... so, i'm not sure i'll ever go back with the lack of things i like to do. we'll see...
banned book weektag:blogs.ashtangi.net,2006:/girmanderskoan//21.57862006-10-08T23:23:45Z2006-10-08T23:45:37Zhttp://blogs.ashtangi.net/girmanderskoan
bold the books read:
Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya AngelouThe Chocolate War by Robert CormierThe Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men by John SteinbeckHarry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
Forever by Judy Blume
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Giver by Lois Lowry
It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Sex by Madonna
Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
The Witches by Roald Dahl
The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
The Goats by Brock Cole
Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
Blubber by Judy Blume
Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
Final Exit by Derek Humphry
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
Deenie by Judy Blume
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
Cujo by Stephen King
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
Ordinary People by Judith Guest
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
Fade by Robert Cormier
Guess What? by Mem Fox
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Native Son by Richard Wright
Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
Jack by A.M. Homes
Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
Carrie by Stephen King
Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
Family Secrets by Norma Klein
Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
The Dead Zone by Stephen King
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
Private Parts by Howard Stern
Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
Sex Education by Jenny Davis
The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
damn.. i knew that library card would get me in trouble ;D
]]>
the georg jensen (he likes the 4 stack with the bit of secret bling):
and the super secret bling:
]]>
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