Self Practice

7/20/06:
A quick introduction of myself. My name is Andy. I am a 23 year old college student (attending Appalachian State University, Boone, NC) majoring in Philosophy and Religion. I plan to continue on to graduate school after finishing my undergraduate degree next may (hopefully!). I came to Ashtanga practice in early April 2006, so I haven't quite been practicing for four full months. Before that I had been experimenting with yogasana for about 3 months. I keep a 6 day a week self-practice. Monday through Friday I am doing primary series plus second series up to supta vajrasana. Saturday I do just primary series and Sunday I rest. Other than Ashtanga Yoga I am interested in pursuing my practice in Zen Buddhism. I am a member of a Zen Center located outside of Asheville, NC. I also enjoy reading, cooking, spending time outdoors, and relaxing with my family.
I have what I would consider an athletic background. For the last two and a half years I've been rock climbing pretty devotedly (training in climbing gyms 2-3 times/week and climbing outdoors 2-3 times/week). Before that I was running cross country and track in highschool. For a year or so I was completely into skydiving (I ended up logging ~125 jumps).
I want to devote this blog solely to my self-practice; how the asana practice affects me physically, mentally, and emotionally; my development and fluctuations in the process of learning. I've just started working on the tough (for me) pose of kapotasana as well as really throwing my all into developing controlled and lifted vinyasas. I am hoping this blog will help both me and others gain insight into the Ashtanga practice, if not provide entertainment. I have all these practice notes that I started keeping 2 months ago, but they are on "hard copy." Maybe I will get around to transcribing the important/interesting ones soon to consolidate everything. I'll post a "retro-post" if I get around to doing this...
Practice was good this morning. My shoulder started to ache a little bit towards the end. Probably a sign I was pushing it too hard in the vinyasas. I was trying to pause in handstand every jumpthrough and that seems to really work my shoulders. What's really helping is bringing some arch into my back and really going for that point of balance (and not stopping short and coming down quickly).
Lifted my heels in kurmasana and wiggled into supta kurmasana fairly easily. This is kind of a big thing for me. I've been able to do this before but never this consistently. This week has really been a good week as far as yogasana is concerned. I don't know why that is. One main reason: I quit my job and what I do now is wake up practice meditation, some light pranayama and then my practice (which is full primary series plus second series up to supta vajrasana). And rest, eat, nap, read, and generally take it easy spending time with family. So I feel really motivated to take this time of my life to push the intensity of my physical practice up.
A word about intensity. Its great to be allowed to practice Ashtanga with such a passion. I'm very grateful. I'm also VERY tired. I've never been this tired before in my life. It goes deeper than just being physically tired, though. I really feel the practice is giving me something much much more than a workout or an endorphine buzz. It feels like my head is clearing. I feel a little silly trying to write about it.
Jumping back is still a tough row to hoe. I'm now lifting up initially with straight legs and tucking them in while lifted. This really works my core and makes it MUCH harder not to drag feet swinging through. I'm at a bit of an impasse as far jumping back goes. I can lift up and swing through and (usually) not drag my feet but I can't figure out how to "unfurl" (which is how I imagine it will be) my legs behind me without using toes for a little momentum. Bandhas, probably. Also, I'm trying to lift higher once I swing back through my arms into a handstand. It's HARD and I usually do not lift higher than 10-20 degrees and cannot hold it but for half a second. I guess the strength to hold and slowly shift weight forward while extending legs behind will develop. I shouldn't be hard on myself, its going to take longer than a few practices to develop!
Kapotasana felt really strong and alive today. This is my third day in a row grabbing heels in this asana and I am really just now getting a peek at how deep this asana is. Before I was just too terrified to be aware of the process. The first time I got put into it by a teacher, I was thinking, "whoa, whose feet are these!?" I was so confused. Now I'm breathing into it and trying to really work the thoracic bend. I can say for sure this is a VERY intense backbend for me. I feel a insistent pulse running up and down my spine. I also think once my shoulders open up a little bit I shouldn't have too much trouble grabbing heels. The shoulder opening is great too and I think it is really going to help my Urdhva Dhanurasana oddyssey. More on that.
My shoulders feel very unstabile pressed fully into UD. Like a subluxtion is possible. I've just been really slowly developing strength in this and opening the shoulders up. My left shoulder is still very much out of whack from a skydiving accident two years ago. There is some funky stuff going on in there for sure! I find myself becoming impatient because I really...REALLY want to start working dropbacks and standups into my daily cycle. I am pretty confident I can do these but I am making myself wait longer to build up my shoulders. I do my five "hang-backs" now, I go down on an exhale come and up on an inhale, four times, then fifth time I go down and hold for five breaths. This morning was so intense. I really got into the thoracic and straightened the legs and just kept going deeper and deeper into it. I should photograph myself in this soon so I can have a bookmark of where I'm at so I can compare in a few weeks.
My favorite pose: uthpluthi. I have to say I really like this one. And lately I have tried to open up to the complexities of it. Some strange stuff going on with the bandhas. I still don't really see how the mula bandha is helping. But I definitely understand how uddiyana bandha is doing the work. I have been timing myself in this pose just out of curiousity and have been holding it for 21 breaths, 72 seconds long. I've been increasing one breath a week. I'm debating whether to increase it by time instead and not worry about how many breaths I get (as long as they are full and deep).

Peace,
Andy

So tired this morning, shoulders sore/aching. I decided during the standing series to do an abbreviated version. I worked my way through standing sequence then decided what the hey I'll just go right into second series to see what thats like (I've never done my bit of second without doing primary beforehand). It was interesting and pretty revealing. I felt way stronger during the backbends and vinyasas into and out of them.
Laghuvadrasana still needs some work. I feel like I'm coming up not as smoothly as I can. This is the kind of thing that I really think a teacher could help me with. It won't be too long (maybe once I'm working PM/karandavasana) that I'll need to find a second series workshop to really get some fine tuning on some of these asanas.This asana really works my legs! I've got this new little rippling muscle that is bulging out to the side of my quads that I think is totally from working this asana! Haha!
In kapotasana I quickly grabbed heels and felt like I could really work it more so than any other time I've been in it (usually I just feel stuck in it). I was actually getting more and more arch out of the thoracic the longer I was in it. After doing B version I rocketed back up to kneeling then lifted up pretty nicely and jumped back. I just about threw up my coffee I drank an hour before, though. I should try drinking a half a cup instead of a full cup (or espresso maybe?). Anyways it was a sort of unpleasant feeling.
I did supta vajrasana and then decided to try bakasana A. Nice. Really fun pose, lots of room to work on strength in this pose. I tried lifting up weight off my arms and hovering and saw how that will happen after a bit of time working it. The jump back wasn't pretty but I got the rough idea of it (just need more of that liftup strength). I tried B version a couple times and finally landed it -barely- after three tries. I about tipped over but wobbled back and forth and kept it up in the air. Silliness. Anyways, I'll add on just bakasana A for a week or so and build static strength in the pose before adding the dynamic B version to the mix.
And now, something completely off topic. My jumpbacks during sun salutations have completely disappeared. I used to have a pretty soft landing doing these and now I know I'm stronger in core/bandhas but I am THUNDERING every time. It would be kind of embarrassing if I practiced with other people. I don't know what happened or how to get it back under control. Its strange It might just be a necessary development. Because my soft landings of yore were pretty much just jumps and no use of bandhas or floating. Now I'm trying to learn how to float and just haven't quite fine tuned the weight shifts (OK! I haven't tuned it in any way shape or form!). It works synergistically with jumpbacks from sitting, but what confuses me is while my seated jumpbacks have continued to become stronger and softer, my standings have stayed the same (or gotten louder!). I just have not discovered how to engage bandhas to extend out legs and maintain lift while doing so. So, for now I bring the thunder. BOOM!

Peace,
Andy

Woops! It is a moon day (new moon) and I practiced. That's alright, it doesn't worry me too much but it might explain the reason behind having a somewhat sluggish practice.

I only did vinyasas between poses, not sides, because I was still feeling a little unstabile in my shoulders. I realize now its going to be a lot longer of a recovery track than I thought it was going to be. I'm doing my physical therapy (resistance exercises for the rotator cuff) and it is helping. It is definitely adding mass to my shoulders, which is what I want. Basically, my rotator cuff ligaments and tendons (bicep or supraspinatus, or probably both) are stretched out and not statically supporting my arm. So now I have to build up the musculature (probably not a bad idea for a little vata type like me) to increase my dynamic support. Its working, but its two steps forward, one back, kind of thing. Also am stretching the pec minor and major to try to open up the front of the body. The practice is good for that, especially second series has lots of chest openers. Am also trying to pay closer attention to the up and down dogs to open the body up more. But its a slow process.

Kapotasana is coming right along. I'm feeling more and more comfortable in it and am able to breathe deeper and deeper into it. Am really trying to work the thoracic. Some days are better than others (but I remember I've only been doing it maybe a dozen practices).

I don't know how to upload pictures to this blog (if it can be done at all?) but here is a link to my kapotasana:
http://img123.imageshack.us/my.php?image=andykapotasanabe3.jpg

Thats about all to report.

Peace,
Andy

I spent the day by a beautiful creek in a somewhat remote part of North Carolina. This is the fifth time or so I've been to this wilderness area and I really do love it there.
I practiced my yogasanas a few minutes after arriving. It was just a hair below normal practice temps for me (usually its 76 degrees when I practice) but MUCH more humid than I was used to (I was practicing in a thick mist/fog). Add the fact that I had been up an extra 2 hours driving, a little hiking and exploring; it all equals that I have a bendy practice. I set up on the shore (river rocks). Felt great to really streeeeetch my muscles and work my breathing all to the pacifying rush of river water. I admit I really enjoy when my driste happens to pass over moving water, ferns, trees...
For the past couple of weeks, after doing kurmasana and my version of supta kurmasana (arms bound, feet crossed in front of head), I've been sitting up and doing eka pada sirsasana, both sides, for 10 breaths. Today was a little bit of a break through as I was able to remove my hands from holding the right leg in place behind the head (also the left today, but that's happened before)! I really love this asana and am getting more and more comfortable with the idea of the leg behind the head sequence of 2nd series coming up soon (not until I am able to consistently land Bakasana B, though!). Also am really enjoying reaching into the depth of this asana by engaging uddiyana bandha and lifting and straightening the torso. Its a good feeling to reach that point of "play" in an asana - where you know that you can push further into the "heart" of the asana and become familar with its intricacies. So complex! So much to learn!
The second series backbends are becoming stronger every practice, it seems! I'm still having trouble grabbing heels without grabbing midfoot first (and then walking up). I did go further up the heel than ever before and see that ankles aren't far off, probably, given a little time with shoulder opening. It really helps to have the "resources" to be able to take a loooooon, slooooow exhale getting into this pose (same in dropping back). I imagine one eventually whittles the length of the exhale down so it is more of a normal pace, but I could see still keeping it a little longer than normal to joyfully move through the movement (apanic - grounding).
I'm still not doing parsva dhanurasana on account of my shoulder and fear of knocking something out of whack again (I tweaked my left shoulder a few months ago trying this asana). I'm taking 10 breaths in dhanurasana and letting well alone for the time being (this ranks up there with uthitta hasta pandangustasana and having to eventually work out an accepted current sequence before becoming seriously involved with a teacher).
Off topic, but I've heard that some of Tim Miller's students do samokonasana (side split) and hanumasana (front split) after parsvottanasana. Also they do virb III (dighasana, warrior 3) in "improv" classes after virb I/II (warrior I/II). Thinking about personally exploring adding those into my standing sequence. I could really benefit from practicing warrior 3 on a daily basis, I think. The few times I've tried that pose have been a MESS. Balancing asanas like that really give me trouble (a la uthitta hasta..) and I could stand to key in on mula bandha's responsibilities in maintaining "effortlessness."
I've started working on standing up and dropping back and realized that I can do both, pretty easily, if I bend my knees a good little bit. I'm not sure if this is correct form or not. I have to get to a teacher to get some feedback on this process.
Anyways, thats about all thats on my mind in regards to ashtanga yoga (that's enough, huh!?!?).

Peace,
Andy

Pretty normal practice this morning. Felt pretty strong during vinyasas and primary asanas. Slowed down a little when I hit second series but powered through the backbends pretty well. First time in 4 practices that I didn't get heels in kapotasana (got midfoot). I held kapo A for 10 breaths though which felt great.

My neck is feeling stiff/sore from working eka pada sirsasana. Am icing it right now actually. I guess trying to take supporting hand away was a little pre-emptive!

I made a discovery in the transition from bhujapidasana. If I really push up into the tittibhasana transition pose and straighten legs as much as possible and really hold bandhas the subsequent transitions work a lot better. I actually cleared my legs and executed the jumpback today pretty well. I focused on raising my butt into the air as the legs were swinging around into bakasana position. It was VERY tiring, though, my muscles were very engaged. That should only get better. I'm sure I can figure out how to do this transition more effortlessly in the future.

I had a really fast practice today. I mean I was zoomin'. I went through primary, second up to bakasana A, 3 UD from floor, and 5 dropbacks plus closing and ~10 minute savasana in an hour and thirty five minutes! I was even taking a few more extra breaths in mari's (really trying to work those deep lately) and kapotasana (11 breaths!). It feels so good to stay in kapotasana past the 5 breaths I normally take.

I *think* I am moving past my phase of exhaustion post-practice. For awhile there I was just so exhausted that I could not do anything, and would just lay in bed for a good portion of the day. I'm finally starting to feel less exhausted and fuzzy headed after practice and am actually regaining some of the rejuvenated/light feeling I had when I was only practicing primary. Definitely want to pace myself and take things slowly, as far as adding poses is concerned. I have a 5 day zen retreat coming up on monday so I won't be practicing any intense asana during those days (just some gentle stretching plus my shoulder rehab resistance exercises) so it will be at least a week or two after the retreat ends that I will feel comfortable adding on Bakasana B. Then perhaps a week or two of that, until september begins maybe, and I'll add on the twists, then eka pada (and after awhile practicing that, dwi pada. That could take me all the way up until the end of this next semester, or perhaps longer. This is all new territory for me so its hard to judge these things. I'm not really nervous about any of those asanas. Perhaps a little neck soreness from the leg behind the head stuff but that will pass quickly (it already is actually).

I'm actually really nervous about pincha/karandavasana. The few times I've practiced these poses they have owned me. I'm wobbly and have very little stamina in them. Maybe 2-3 weeks before I start practicing them I will really try to work sirsasana B during closing (10-15 breaths). Oh well, those are a ways away and by that time I will be practicing only second and really be able to concentrate on them. Perhaps they won't even come until this next spring.

Had a longer than usual practice today! I love how it stands in great coupling to yesterday's practice. I decided to start doing full primary instead of going to second from upavistha konasana. It's only a few more asanas, and its not like I'm pressed for time now or will be in the coming semester at school (my earliest classes are at 11 oclock).

Today (under the advice of a fellow online ashtangini) I chose to focus on one aspect of the tristana (breath, bandhas, dristi). I chose to focus on bandhas. I'm not sure if this is how we're supposed to do it in Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga but every exhale I really emphasized engaging Mula and Uddiyana Bandha and holding them through the inhale (harder, it seems I lose a subtle grasp on both bandhas through the inhale). I've always had the bandhas in my mind (mainly uddiyana bandha since I think I understand the concept/application better), but today really hit home how using the bandhas changes the flow and holding of the vinyasa and asana, respectively.

I discovered why my jumpbacks from standing are a little loud and not feeling light. I'm not pushing my front torso far enough past my hands when jumping into chataranga dandasana. So, I'm not balanced and am "too heavy" on my lower half - thus the thudding.

One lift up to jump back was so LIGHT; I just floated up and then did my toe dragging once I've swung through to jump back. I think I need to transition out of the toe dragging habit. I just do not know how to make the jump (no pun intended) from using the toe for a little push to doing it entirely with core/bandhas. I think it has a lot to do with my jumpbacks from standing (i.e. the same concept of balancing body). I'm trying very hard to work on doing a very slow and controlled floating jump back. I know I have it in me. Perhaps this is where a teacher might tell me to slow down and focus on more important things (breath, bandhas, dristi). It is my style to constantly push myself. But Ashtanga yoga is subtle in many ways. How does one push oneself with focusing on breathing, for instance? It is similar to lessons I've learned doing zazen. How does one focus on pushing oneself aggresively on one's koan? Well...I've learned at least for me this approach (though it seems to come from my natural constitution) is counterproductive and not effective. I assume here the Buddhists would say not effective in what way? What are you trying to "effect"? What indeed...I catch myself a lot in this yogasana practice striving to do a better jumpthrough or deeper kapotasana, for instance. This effort is beneficial, though, I think. But, the alignment of one's intentions should be clear and not obscured by insistent ego-striving. I like the idea of offering one's practice up to the world, to OM, to everything.

I'm struck this morning during practice how beautifully simple this system of yoga is. Inhale...Exhale...Repeat. Dharana is a wonderful thing. I feel like having moved my intentions in regards to the breath, bandhas, and dristi to a more focused and motivated plane is really changing the feel of my practice in its totality. Of course! The practice is not stretching, or muscular development! Its much more internal. The fire comes from within.

I practiced yoga chikitsa this morning. My shoulder is still a little sore, but all in all has generally been getting stronger, week by week. I'm curious what taking off 6 days of practice to focus on this zen retreat will do to my overall stamina. It is necessary to set aside my asana practice for this retreat, at least in its current state of intensity. I think I would go crazy if I was doing all that backbending along with the 9+ hours of zazen a day! Plus it is helpful for me during long periods of meditation to keep my metabolism down so I can take in a minimum of food and remain light, light, light during the entire day.

That's about it. I'm debating whether to practice primary again tomorrow. Probably will depending on how I feel the rest of the day. The retreat starts monday evening. Monday will be a rest day and largely be used in quiet and solitary absorption with my koan (Joshu's Mu).

Love,
Andy