Self Practice

Every once in awhile I have to step back and take a deep breath and acknowledge that my asana practice is not a linear process. I cannot expect to be "better" than I was yesterday for days and days in a row. I will say it is very satisfying to notice improvement in this practice, but I often get caught up in the process and become emotionally attached to my strength, stamina, and flexibility gains.

So, naturally, I have off days (or even weeks) from time to time. I feel tired, heavy, my muscles aren't responsive, my bandhas are sleepy, etc. I notice my happiness and equanimity is often attached to whether or not I had a "good" practice. Its been a hard pill for me to swallow in my asana practice and my meditation practice. A zen teacher once warned me of the "demon of joy" and the effects this type of attachment to joy and blissful feelings in one's meditation practice could bring about (that is, a straying off the path, a chasing of feelings, emotions, and mental states). I think the corrollary in asana practice is the demon of improvement.

For me personally, my asana practice is primarily done as a way to cultivate discipline and purify my body. Always returning to this point is similar to returning to the breath during the course of meditation. When one's attention and awareness stray onto errant thoughts, be they positive or negative, one simply redirects one's attention on what is central and meaningful in one's practice (life).

Peace,
Andy